


Wrong Number

by popnographic



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Continuation, Fluff, Getting Together, Homophobia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-20 10:52:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 54
Words: 218,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popnographic/pseuds/popnographic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei accidentally sends a text to the wrong person, leading him onto a journey he never would've even dared dreaming of taking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mortification

**Author's Note:**

> Funny how I originally said this fic wouldn't be longer than ten chapters, now see where we're at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of my "Wrong Number" Makoto/Rei fic!
> 
> Cover art is edited from [this doujin](http://myreadingmanga.info/007-himitsu-tsuushin-free-dj-jp/) by [ リンリンチ@007](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?id=192990).

 

*          *          *

 

Nagisa looked unsure of what to say, and Rei immediately wondered if it had really been a good idea to tell him. They had been friends for about a year now, having been in the swimming club together and spending a lot of time outside school together, so it was natural that they'd grow close and become good friends. Even so, he had been hesitant on whether to tell Nagisa about how he felt. Not that he thought Nagisa would tell the person in question, but more questioning whether Nagisa would properly understand what Rei meant with what he said.

He had been holding these feelings secret from everyone for quite a while now, and it had started eating him up inside as even his dreams were filled with scenarios in which this person had the leading role. It started out very small and bearable, but in the past few weeks, it had turned for the worse and he found himself in both physical and emotional pain a lot. Mostly at night when he was left alone in the darkness and silence that was far too blinding and deafening.

"How long have you... felt this way?"

"A few months. At first it was bearable, but... it's really difficult to keep it all to myself."

Nagisa nodded slowly, trying to process the information. "This... might sound dumb, but... have you thought about telling him?" Nagisa suggested, making Rei immediately shake his head furiously. "I have thought about it, but... I can't do that. I mean, what if I get kicked off the team? Certainly such a thing could cause problems since he's the captain and all."

Nagisa knitted his eyebrows, appearing in thought. The two of them were walking home after their swimming practice, having been the last two to leave the changing room once they were done for the day. Haruka was going to meet his parents at the station and Makoto had to go home and watch his siblings since his mother had to go out and run a few errands, which was why the two of them left earlier than Rei and Nagisa.

"Well, you won't really know unless you tell Mako-chan how you feel, you know. If you just leave it, it's probably gonna get worse with time, right?"

He hated to admit it, but Nagisa was right. Rei had two choices; either to tell Makoto about his feelings, or keep them a secret like he'd been doing for months already. He had considered confessing multiple times but ultimately decided against it in fear of ruining their friendship and getting kicked off the swimming team. To be honest, he would gladly sacrifice his place on the team if it meant he could still be friends with them all, but knew that it was probably near impossible.

"It's not that easy, Nagisa-kun", Rei replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I can't just tell him like it's nothing big."

"Then don't act like it's nothing big? I mean, I'm sure Mako-chan would understand. You know him, he's far too polite and kind for his own good, and he's a really good listener. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't take it the wrong way, but again... well, it's up to you whether you want to tell him or not. I just really think you should."

 

* * *

 

Nagisa's words stuck with Rei for the remainder of that afternoon as he was trying to focus on finishing his geography homework. Lately, his concentration was easily broken and his mind tended to drift off to completely unrelated things. As Nagisa said, it would eventually just get worse, and it had already started to go downhill. Rei had gone through countless of sleepless nights, having to cram hours of studying into the night before an exam just because he just wasn't able to concentrate like he used to. _  
_

This had to stop, but he couldn't bring himself to be the one to put an end to it.

A buzzing on the coffee table woke Rei from his daydreaming, and he glanced at the display to see Nagisa's name on it. With a sigh, he picked the phone up from the table.

 **Nagisa-kun** :

_You should invite him over after school one day. It wouldn't even seem weird since you're friends!_

Rei rolled his eyes and leaned against the couch behind him. As expected, Nagisa didn't quite understand how difficult this really was, and that simply inviting Makoto over after school would be a simple task. He knew that it would definitely be weird since the two of them had barely spent any time alone in the first place, so why would they start doing so now? Of course Makoto would sense something was up.

 **You** :

_Nagisa-kun, you make it sound like it's the easiest thing in the world. It's not. I'm not telling him._

He put his phone down with a frustrated sigh and picked up his pencil to finish the last few sentences. Geography wasn't one of his stronger subjects, but this time he felt like things had gone pretty smoothly, despite the difficulties he'd had with actually finishing the assignment. He always paid attention in class and took notes, almost to the point where it was like he'd recorded the entire lesson. But that had always been his study technique, and it seemed to pay off as he never failed his exams or assignments.

Ignoring the next message that popped in as he formulated his finishing note, he was soon disturbed by yet another buzz signalling a text message.

 _Nagisa-kun sure is a persistent person_ , he thought to himself.

Celebrating the now finished assignment with a stretch and a yawn, he finally took the time to look at his phone. Two messages had arrived, one from Nagisa — and one from Makoto. He could read both of them without unlocking his phone since they were both short, and braced himself for what Makoto's text would say. How ironic was that?

**Nagisa-kun:**

_Rei-chan, tell him. Nothing's going to change between the two of you if he doesn't feel the same way. I know it._

**Makoto-senpai:**

_Hello, Rei! Just wanted to say that you really did a good work today! You really have improved in these past months, and I'm sure you'll take first place during the tournament in a few weeks. See you again tomorrow!_

Feeling a mixture of nervousness and at the same time, Rei clicked on Nagisa's message to fire off a quick response before moving on to the next.

**You:**

_I'm not telling him anything, Nagisa-kun. And don't mention a word about this to anyone. I can't risk the captain kicking me off the team, and I can't risk losing him as a friend. Just let this go, okay?_

Rei took a deep breath before tapping on Makoto's name, but that was when he realised his big mistake.

He sent the message meant for Nagisa — to Makoto.

Praying to himself that he might have just imagined things, he unlocked his phone and went into his sent messages folder. Indeed, he'd sent the message to Makoto instead of Nagisa. How very fitting. It was almost as if fate wanted this to happen, almost as if the gods were laughing at him and his misery.

Feeling absolutely mortified, Rei laid down on the floor, dialling Nagisa's number on his phone.

" _Rei-chan?_ "

"I sent my message to the wrong person."

" _What?_ "

Rei cringed, knowing very well that he'd be confronted by Makoto about this. "I replied to your message, but I accidentally sent it to Makoto-senpai instead."

A laugh was heard on the other end, but it was short-lived. " _I'm sorry. How did you manage to screw up that badly?_ "

"He sent me a message around the same time you did, and I clicked on his message instead of yours. I'm so embarrassed", Rei whined, still feeling like he could burn up at any second.

" _Well... now he knows. Like I said, it's not going to mean the end of the world. Just relax, act like nothing's up and pretend like you didn't know it was sent to him in the first place when you see him tomorrow._ "

"I'm not going to see him tomorrow."

" _What do you mean? We still have school, and we also have swim practice._ "

"I know that. I'm just going to call in sick. I can't go to school tomorrow... or even for a few days."

Nagisa sighed. " _Don't be like that. Please just come to school, okay? I can skip swim practice with you if you want._ "

But of course, Rei wasn't going to be persuaded that easily. Not now when he'd made a complete fool out of himself. He couldn't bring himself to face Makoto in person after a disaster like this. Would he be laughed at? Humiliated? Rejected? Of course. Maybe Makoto wouldn't laugh at him, but Rei was sure that the other would at least find him odd or at least creepy. Makoto was a year older than him, they were completely different people and... it just wouldn't work out. So why did Rei have feelings for his upperclassman in the first place? Was it just  _because_ it was impossible that his heart and mind decided it was a good idea?

"Can I be selfish and ask you to bring the printout and any notes you take in class tomorrow? Well, assuming you do take notes. I'm sorry... I won't come to school. I can't."

" _If you say so_ ", Nagisa replied, defeated. " _I'll drop by your house with the homework and stuff after school. Please come on Friday, at least. We don't have club activities then, so you don't really have to see Mako-chan anyway._ "

"I'll think about it."


	2. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei stays at home from school the rest of the week to avoid meeting anyone from school. Unfortunately, fate has something else in store for him, and people seem to care a little too much.

Thursday morning, and his alarm clock went off at a quarter past seven as usual. Except this time, he shut off the alarm without getting up. Nagisa had eventually offered to tell their homeroom teacher that Rei was home from school sick, so Rei didn't have to make the phone call himself. He was secretly thankful for it, since he didn't trust his ability to lie to a teacher, even if he had to do it on the phone.

So this day was going to spent moping in bed, pretty much. Rei was glad his parents both worked late, meaning he'd get the house to himself all day. Even if they were his parents, he didn't feel like facing them, either, since having to lie to them would be even more difficult. And of course, he couldn't explain to them why he was skipping school in the first place.

Rei pulled the covers over his head with a groan and sighed. How had it all come down to this? Why Makoto, out of all people? Sure, it wasn't difficult to understand why people liked him; Makoto was a very likeable person who always looked out for everyone and tried his best to make sure everyone around him was happy. There really wasn't anything you could dislike about him, but... why had it gone to  _this_ point? Why couldn't Rei just like his upperclassman the way he liked Haruka, or even Tadanori Sera, the track team's captain — like friends?

Why did it have to be Makoto, out of all people? Makoto was interested in Haruka, and Rei knew very well that Haruka was interested in Makoto as well. As far as he knew, the two of them could already be dating, if they hadn't done it for a while already. It was just that they hadn't mentioned anything about it, and never acted like a couple when at school or at swim practice. Maybe it was because they were scared of how other people would look at them, both being male?

This was a concern of Rei's as well. He didn't know if his parents would approve of him dating another guy since they'd never discussed same-sex relationships before — and frankly, Rei wanted to postpone a conversation like that for as long as he could. People in their town used to be quite conservative about such things a while ago, but have in the past years gotten a bit more open-minded. So it probably wouldn't be too big of an issue if they were to start dating since they wouldn't really need to sneak around with it. Well, that was if they ever  _were_ going to date.

At some point, Rei was woken up by his phone buzzing on the night stand next to his bed. He looked at the clock that told him it was just about noon, and that it was probably about time he got out of bed anyway. No surprise, the text message he'd received was from Nagisa.

**Nagisa-kun:**

_I should've stayed home from school today as well. I hate English..._

Rei smiled a little to himself as he wrote the reply.

**You:**

_Think of it this way, it'll be easier for you to do homework and write exams if you attend the classes. Especially since English isn't one of your best subjects. Hang in there, Nagisa-kun_. _  
_

He still felt bad about staying home and missing those classes. He was generally doing well with English as long as it didn't involve speech, and was doing okay in the other subjects. Thankfully, they didn't have an exam for another two weeks, so he probably didn't have to worry too much just yet. Even so, this was the first time he'd skipped school without having been sick, so it definitely felt strange and gave him a reason to feel guilty.

But staying home to avoid bumping into someone? Had it been someone else, Rei was sure he wouldn't hesitate to scold them for skipping school over something so trivial. Only now that he actually found himself in said situation, he realised that it wasn't a trivial matter after all. The sleepless nights, stomach aches and sudden bouts of sadness proved him that much.

About twenty minutes after the school day had ended, the doorbell rang. Rei had been spending the entire day lazily watching TV and reading books, only getting up to get water, a snack or to go to the bathroom. It certainly wasn't the way he usually spent his free time — he liked to either study, go out for a run, hang out with friends or take a walk around town.

"Hey... how are you feeling?"

Nagisa stood at his doorstep with a small bunch of papers and a blue notebook in his hand. Rei smiled as Nagisa handed over the homework and notes from that day, truly grateful to his friend for taking the detour to Rei's house on his way home. "Nagisa-kun, you know I'm not sick", he replied.

"I know. I meant with the whole Mako-chan thing."

Rei's smile faded from his lips as he felt a small tinge in his chest. "I don't know. I mean... obviously I'm not doing very well, but... I don't know what to do. On one side, I feel like I could stay at home forever because of how embarrassed I am, and how scared I am of facing Makoto-senpai... but on the other hand, I know I can't run from my problems and skip school forever. I just don't know how to deal with it."

"I can talk to him if you want", Nagisa offered, making Rei shake his head frantically again and waving his hands in front of him. "No, no, no — don't do that. I know you've known him far longer than I have, and you might be right about how he'd react... but I can't take the risk. Please, just don't tell him anything."

Nagisa made a slight frown as he crossed his arms. "Fine, but... I can't stand to see you unhappy, Rei-chan. I mean, you're my best friend, and I feel useless since I can't do anything to help you."

Biting his lower lip, Rei dropped the book and papers down onto the floor as he took a step forward and embraced Nagisa. "You're... not useless, Nagisa-kun. You're the exact opposite — I'm really glad you consider me your best friend, because I'm of the same opinion. I'm really grateful to you, so don't feel like you're useless, okay?"

Sighing, Nagisa surrendered and relaxed a little. "Okay."

 

* * *

 

Friday came, and the same procedure from the day before was repeated. Rei felt pathetic for being this weak, for not being able to go to school in fear of running into Makoto. If only time machines were possible - going back in time to change the recipient of that text message would have made everything easier. Makoto would never find out about Rei's feelings towards him, and Rei would be able to attend school and swim practice. Things would go on just like before, only difference being the fact that the emotional pain would eventually eat him alive. But he couldn't afford to risk telling Makoto, so he'd just have to endure the suffering until the feelings eventually subsided.

They _would_ go away after a while... right?

As he was having lunch, Rei's phone started ringing on the table next to him. A little perplexed at the name showing up on his screen, he picked up the call.

"Hello?"

" _Rei? Are you at home right now?_ "

"Yes, I am... why are you wondering? Are you not in class, Haruka-senpai?"

" _I'm on lunch break. You weren't at swim practice yesterday, and Nagisa told me you're at home sick. Is it bad?_ "

Rei found himself a bit stunned at Haruka's worry for him. Haruka was usually not the person to show a lot of emotion, but in the rare instance that he did, it really caught your attention. Struggling with even opening his mouth to form words, Rei stuttered: "I— I am starting to feel better. It was just a fever, I will be back on Monday like usual."

" _Okay. Get well soon._ "

The phone call had probably been about a minute long, but Rei didn't expect much more from Haruka. In fact, a phone call at all from his upperclassman was way more than he could have ever wished for. He couldn't help but wonder if someone told Haruka to call him. And that someone had to be either Nagisa or Makoto... but the more likely option would be Nagisa, since he was usually the one to nag people. What if it would have been Makoto, though? Why would Makoto want Haru to call Rei instead of doing it himself?

Rei shook his head. He was clearly overthinking it — of course Haruka could've just been worried about him; he wasn't an emotionless person. Haruka had, on several occasions, shown how much he cared for his friends, even without having to explicitly say anything about it. He was a man of few words, but his actions spoke way louder than words ever could, and for this, Rei really admired Haruka.

After lunch, he spent a good hour or so re-decorating his room. He thought it would help to clear his head a bit, but it was a worthless try. Well, at least he managed to clean out a lot of stuff and free up space around him. He usually kept things clean and tidy around him, but he had a bad habit of just stocking up on things like books, magazines or other things that just took up a lot of space on his shelves. Getting rid of most of it felt good, not only because it created more space, but also because it was a bunch of stuff he no longer had any use for.

He had gotten so caught up in cleaning up around him that he didn't notice the text message he got in the middle of it all. And when he went back to read it, it was far too late to do anything about the contents of said message. As soon as he read it, the doorbell rang.

**Makoto-senpai:**

_I'm coming over after school, is that okay?_

On legs that felt like overcooked pasta, Rei walked over to the door.  _This can't be happening. The entire swimming team have been in contact with me today, and I wasn't even at school. Nagisa must have told them, after all_.

Taking a deep breath to prepare himself, he opened the door, only to stand face to face with the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Makoto-senpai..."


	3. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Rei talk things out, and Rei's suspicions and fears are blown to smithereens. He really needs to stop making assumptions.

"What... um, what brings you here?"

"You know why I'm here, Rei. We're— I'm worried about you. You haven't been in school for two days."

Rei clenched his fist and exhaled slowly. "No, I haven't."

Looking around him, Makoto smiled a little. "Can I come in?"

Well, at this point, it would be very rude to turn him down. Besides, it wasn't like Rei to reject people like that. Even if it would have been good in some situations... he just didn't have it in him. So he nodded and let Makoto step inside his house. Standing in the hallway and waiting for Makoto to take his shoes off felt like it took an eternity. His heartbeat was throbbing loudly in his ears and his throat had gone completely dry within seconds. Not to mention the difficulty he had with breathing properly. Ah, the wonders of being nervous around your crush.

They walked into Rei's room in awkward silence and sat down on the floor by his table, on the opposite of each other. Rei immediately started fidgeting with his hands in his lap, not really knowing what to do or how to act in this situation. He was almost positive that this would be the moment where Makoto told him how much he appreciated Rei's feelings towards him, but how he felt bad for not being able to reciprocate them. What other outcome was there? Makoto was most definitely in love in Haruka, and vice versa, so there really wasn't anything else to expect.

So why was he so nervous if he knew what was going to happen?

"Listen, Rei... I, er, read the message you accidentally sent me yesterday. I know it was supposed to go to Nagisa, and I'm sorry I read it."

Rei sighed. "It's fine. There was no way you could have known what the message said before you read it, anyway. It was my fault."

Silence fell upon them again, and Rei couldn't help but wanting to jump out the window to escape this incredibly uncomfortable situation. Anything, just let  _anything_ happen so that he could get out of this misery. This wasn't how he'd planned for his Friday afternoon to go. He was going to watch a film and probably go to bed early... so much for those 'plans'.

"It's fine. I just... well, how do I say this... I was really surprised. I had no idea."

"About what?"

"That you had feelings for me."

Rei felt like his heart had stopped beating in his chest, and he had to take a deep breath, albeit a trembling one.  _Ah, don't tell me I'm going to cry in front of Makoto-senpai now. I've had enough of these humiliations already_.

Despite his pain, embarrassment and agony, he looked up at Makoto. "I'm sorry. I did not mean for this to happen."

Makoto furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Why are you sorry? You couldn't have controlled that no matter how hard you tried. Emotions like those aren't easy to control, if not impossible. I'm not mad at you, and I certainly won't kick you off the team. So don't worry about that."

 _That's not even my biggest worry anymore_ , Rei thought to himself. He'd easily trade his place on the team for a continued friendship with Makoto, but knew very well how impossible that was.

"Even so, since this... happened, and since you now know about it, things are obviously going to be different. It would not surprise me if you were to decide to kick me from the team eventually. I would not mind, since I was the one who caused it."

Makoto sat himself closer and took Rei's hands in his. "Stop saying that you caused things or that it's your fault. Nothing's your fault, this isn't something you could control in the first place and I don't blame you. There's no one to blame in this, but most of all — don't blame yourself. I really hate to see you in pain like this, it's... really difficult for me."

"Why?"

"Because I obviously care about you", Makoto replied simply with a smile. "Everyone cares about you."

"I've noticed that", Rei muttered. "It's probably all because of Nagisa-kun."

"Nagisa? Why?"

Rei raised an eyebrow. "Did Nagisa-kun not tell Haruka-senpai to call me, and tell you to come here?"

"Is that what you think? Wait, did Haru call you?"

"I—"

But the words caught in his throat and refused to come out. Probably because he knew that the answer he had to that question was the wrong one, and since he didn't have anything better to say, it was best to not say anything at all.

"I texted you because I'm worried about you. I'm sure Haru called you just because he's worried, like Nagisa and myself. Nagisa only told us you were home from school because you were sick, but I knew that sickness probably wasn't the thing that kept you at home. And I was probably right about that."

Rei nodded, and Makoto sighed before slowly putting his arms around the other, making him flinch involuntarily. "I know the others care about you, but... I think I care a little more than they do. Not to brag or anything, but... I think I do."

"Why do you think that?" Rei asked, but his voice was so low that it was barely audible.

"Because I obviously like you, too, Rei. I was always scared of telling you since I had no idea if you liked me back or not." Makoto pulled back to look into Rei's eyes, which only made the other feel like his heart was going to explode into a thousand rainbows.

Filled with feelings of both immense happiness and confusion, Rei looked down at his knees. Never would he have imagined that this would happen one day. That Makoto would tell him that he liked him back, and that they'd be having a conversation like this. Well, he never even imagined himself to even tell Makoto about his feelings, but since he sent that text message to the wrong person, it couldn't be helped. Was he supposed to see his mistake as a good thing, then?

Confusion got the better of him, and Rei had to ask the inevitable, cautiously looking up at the other boy and meeting his gaze. "But... I thought you liked Haruka-senpai? I even thought the two of you were dating."

Makoto raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really? Oh... no, I don't have romantic feelings for Haru. That would be awkward, I think", he finished with a little laugh.

"Why?" Question marks popped up inside Rei's head, and as he'd had a few questions already answered, a bunch of new ones were quick to replace them.

"Well, I've known Haru for... longer than I can remember. We basically grew up together, and I see him as more of a brother than anything. Our families are really close, too, so it would be weird. It feels very wrong for me to think about Haru like that. I love him, I really do, but only as my best friend. Although I have a hunch Haru might have feelings for me."

"Wait... you do? I mean, how do you figure?"

Makoto shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I can just sense it sometimes, in what he does, the way he talks to me and... well, I guess I've just noticed the change in the way he acts. After all, I've known him for quite a few years. But like I said... no, I don't feel that way about Haru."

Makoto looked at Rei with a sudden hint of concern in his emerald eyes. "Is this why you didn't tell me?"

"Part of the reason, I guess. I just always thought that it was impossible for me to compete with Haruka-senpai, since the two of you have a history together. Besides, I'm a year younger than you, and I thought that maybe you'd find it weird."

Laughing, Makoto shook his head. "It's only a year difference, and besides, I don't really care about that. Unless you do."

"I don't! I just... well, like I said, I thought that maybe it'd be a big deal to you."

He chewed on his lower lip, choosing not to say more in case he'd say too much. This was already surreal enough for him to question whether he was dreaming or not. It'd be weird to pinch himself now, though, since Makoto would definitely notice.

"It's not a big deal. You need to stop worrying about everything. We've got it all out in the air now, right? Or is there anything else on your mind?"

There wasn't, but Rei felt like there  _should_ have been. This couldn't be it, all of his questions couldn't possibly have been answered that fast and that easily. It was almost as if he'd worried for nothing. Had he? Had he really been worrying about these things for all these months for it to be solved with little to no effort? It was too good to be true.

"No", Rei admitted, almost feeling dumb for having been so doubtful and having all these questions when Makoto handled them with ease. It really showed how little Rei actually knew about Makoto, and he wondered how he'd been able to fall for such a person without really knowing that much about them in the first place. Sure, he'd never been in love before, so he didn't have any other experience to compare with — but this probably wasn't normal... right?

Taking Rei into his arms again, Makoto sighed out of what sounded like relief. "I'm so glad... I was so nervous and afraid before you sent that text message. I didn't want to scare you away, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship, so I didn't say anything. I had no idea you were thinking the same thing. Ironic, huh?"

Makoto's laugh was like music to Rei's ears, and his heartbeat sped up a little upon hearing it. He noticed how tensed up he was whilst Makoto was hugging him, and tried his best to calm down and return the embrace.

The two of them ended up sitting in that position for a few minutes, not saying anything. Only this time, the silence filling the room wasn't an awkward one, rather the opposite — it was comfortable. It wasn't one of those that you had to fill with meaningless small talk, but you could just sit and enjoy each other's company. Which was something Rei never thought he'd do with only Makoto as his company.

"Rei?"

The sudden calling of his name made Rei nearly jump out of his skin. "Y-yes?"

Makoto shifted a bit, seeming unsure or nervous. "Can I... can I kiss you?"

Feeling like his heart was going to try and escape the confines of his ribcage, Rei swallowed. "... Yes."

Pulling back a bit, Makoto put his forehead again's Rei's, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes. It felt like time stood still when Makoto's lips touched his, and Rei once again wondered if this was dream or reality. It felt so strange, but at the same time... so  _right_. He'd been dreaming of this for months, for any sign of affection from Makoto, whether it'd be a hug or just simple hand-holding. But for it to have been a kiss... yes, it all felt too surreal.

He didn't feel like he'd be too great of a kisser, as nervous as he was. His entire body felt stiff and his movements probably reflected it. Slowly but surely, the simple peck turned into a deeper and more passionate kiss. Almost as if he was afraid Rei would break, Makoto slipped his tongue inside Rei's mouth, and Rei responded with his own, albeit a bit hesitant and obviously nervous. Makoto ran his fingers through Rei's hair, making all of the hairs on Rei's neck stand up. A sigh — more sounding like a moan — escaped Makoto as he pulled Rei closer with his free hand and grasping at the back of the other boy's shirt.

Before they realised it, they'd ended up with Makoto lying on top of Rei, kissing down his neck, along his collarbones. The kisses were light but plentiful and made Rei shiver, made him feel like he was floating among the clouds, as if it didn't already feel like a dream to him. Rei had never kissed anyone before, so for his first kiss to have been with Makoto was nearly unfathomable. He felt unsure of what to do and how to act, but luckily — Makoto seemed to be fine with taking the lead.

A sudden sense of panic welled up inside Rei as he realised where they were and the risks involved, and he put an arm on Makoto's back to try and get him to slow down.

"M-Makoto-senpai... this... this is probably not a good idea..."

Makoto stopped and looked at Rei, his face slightly red and his eyes feverish. "Ahh, I'm sorry. Did you not like that?"

Rei shook his head. "No, that's not it. It's just, uh, my parents might... come home soon."

"Oh."

Awkwardly getting off Rei, Makoto sat up and let the other do the same. Rei sighed and clenched his fists, secretly hating himself for having brought up the one thing that would interrupt them. He knew he didn't have much of a choice since explaining to his parents would be an impossible thing to do, but the entire thing just made him realise how much he wanted to move out and get a place of his own. He wasn't nineteen yet, so he wasn't legal to do things like that for another year anyway. It just seemed like fate wasn't done with screwing things up for Rei, and he was scared to find out what other things would happen to him in the near future that could make his life situation worse.

"Are you okay?"

Rei looked to the side and smiled a little. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry for abruptly ending... that."

Makoto shook his head. "Don't be. I hope I wasn't being too forward, I really don't want to mess things up, and I guess I just got really into the moment."

"It's fine." For further proof, Rei lightly grasped Makoto's hand, and the other looked at their joined hands in surprise, which made Rei's face heat up. "A-anyway..."

He wasn't sure on how to ask this question. He knew he had to, because it was going to be something they'd have to deal with soon no matter what. Biting the inside of his cheek, he exhaled slowly through his nose before trying again. "M-Makoto-senpai... um, what... what's going to happen now?"

"Hm? What do you mean? You mean between us?" Rei looked away in embarrassment, unable to confirm that it had been what he wanted to ask, but he was glad Makoto understood. "Well, I'd like to think of it as us dating. How does that sound?"

 _Like everything I've ever wanted_. "That... sounds good."


	4. Hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're finally dating, yes, but Rei and Makoto have yet to make things official. There's just something (or rather, someone) standing in their way... well, Rei's way.
> 
> (I guess you could also say that senpai finally noticed Rei. Good job, kid.)

_I kissed Makoto-senpai. I... kissed him._

Rei hugged his pillow tighter, squeezing his eyes shut. Having to act normal around his parents the evening before as they came home was difficult, since he couldn't even lie to people without getting flustered of panicking. Ideally, Rei would have liked to scream into his pillow for hours straight if possible. Not because he was angry or sad, but the exact opposite — he was ridiculously happy. Not to mention relieved over having finally told Makoto about his feelings that he'd held to himself for so long in fear of scaring the other away.

It was quite ironic how Makoto said he'd been feeling the same way about confessing; how he didn't want to say anything in fear of Rei reacting negatively about it. Rei couldn't help but wonder if this would have happened sooner had they not been tiptoeing around the issue. Maybe they would already have been dating for a while...

"I'm overthinking things again", he mumbled to himself into the pillow before finally giving up and getting out of bed. He'd already been spending the last two days cooped up inside, so he'd definitely gotten enough of spending time in the house. One lazy day was fine; Rei viewed it as pretty much a necessity so that you wouldn't get burnt out on exercise or too much studying, but two days in a row not doing anything made him restless and made him feel like he really should do something useful.

After having a decent breakfast consisting of miso, mackerel and a bowl of rice, Rei decided to go for a run. Not only did he want to take advantage of the great weather, he also felt like it would be good to clear his head, which had been quite a mess since the day before.

Rei used to go out and run regularly when he was still a member of the track team and it was essential for him to keep his exercise up by jogging or running regularly. Sure, he still had to be in good shape in order to be able to swim for longer periods of time, but most of his exercise could be done in the swimming pool at school anyway. Luckily, they could get into the pool even on weekends if they wanted since they were the only ones using the pool and had the keys to get in there. As long as they kept things clean and tidy, the school was completely fine with them using the pool however and whenever they wanted.

The route Rei usually ran was about six miles long and took him about forty-five minutes. It allowed him to see most of the seaside part of Iwatobi, as well as the parks and streets along the outskirts of town. He really enjoyed living in Iwatobi as it wasn't too big nor too small of a place, making it a pretty peaceful little town.

As he ran past one of the mini-marts by the beach, a familiar voice called his name, causing him to slow down and stop to look for the source. Soon enough, a tall figure approached him and stretched out his hand. "Hello, Ryuugazaki!"

"Sera-senpai, it's been a while. How are you?" Rei replied, a little surprised, and took the other's hand. The track team's captain smiled widely. "I'm good, thank you. And how are you? I see you're still as diligent as ever when it comes to keeping in shape."

Rei nodded. "Yes, I'm doing well. I don't feel like I would be myself if I stopped working out and exercising... I guess it has become part of my routine now. It is mostly thanks to the track team and the regimen Sera-senpai put together."

Sera Tadanori scratched the back of his head with a little laugh. "Ah, you're too kind — it was nothing special, really. I was pretty much just passing on what my old coach used to recommend us do. But I'm glad you're finding it useful still. I saw you and your team mates in the last tournament when you ended up in second place... I really do think that swimming suits you, Ryuugazaki. Although it hurts a bit to admit it since you were a real asset to us as well."

"You... really think so?" Rei replied, perplexed, and the upperclassman nodded enthusiastically. "Of course. I know you probably won't change your mind now, but just know that the door's always open if you do end up changing your mind. Everyone else pretty much feels the same way."

"Ah", Rei said, averting his gaze. "I'm really sorry, but I probably won't—"

"It's just a figure of speech", Sera interrupted him with a little laugh. "I know you've decided what you want to do, so don't worry about it."

 

* * *

 

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

"I'm sure", Rei replied for what felt like the umpteenth time within the span of five minutes. His mother looked at him with concern in her eyes, but she didn't press any further after having made sure a few times. His parents were on their way to go and have a dinner out at a restaurant that had just opened up in town. Rei felt like just staying in and reading up on the stuff he had missed in school on Thursday and Friday, but he obviously didn't tell his parents about that.

"Alright", Rei's mother replied, still not convinced. "Call us if you need something, okay?"

"Yes, yes, mother — I will", he said with a sigh.

"You're being a little too worried, dear", Rei's father told his wife with a smile before giving her back a light push towards the door. "We might not be back until late, so if we won't see you tonight, see you tomorrow, Rei."

Rei nodded at his father before his parents (finally) left. With a sigh, he locked the door behind them before going into the kitchen to get himself something to snack on whilst reading. It didn't seem like he'd missed a lot in school after all, which was a relief. He had to read a chapter in his history textbook, a few pages in his maths book and twenty-five English words to memorise for an upcoming test. Not too bad; he figured he'd be able to do it all within two hours or so even if he took his time.

With music in his ears and a plate with onigiri, Rei plowed through his maths homework in no time, and then moved onto history. He was actually glad he'd elected to stay at home since he'd managed to get a good workflow going and wasn't sure if he'd be able to do this on a Sunday the same way in case he'd end up getting lazy or distracted. Sunday was usually the day others studied, but it was the day Rei wanted to relax. Usually, he did his homework on Friday right after school so he'd have the weekend free to do whatever he wanted.

Nagisa had called Rei earlier, asking him what he would be doing for the night and if he wanted to do something, but Rei politely declined saying he needed to catch up on schoolwork.

" _But Rei-chan, it's a Saturday! Do you really want to stay inside and study on a Saturday night?_ " _  
_

"I actually don't mind. My parents are leaving the house for the night, so I won't be disturbed, either. Why don't you see if Haruka-senpai or Makoto-senpai want to hang out with you?"

Nagisa sighed in apparent disappointment. " _Okay. I'm booking you next weekend, though, don't forget that! You owe me that after this._ "

"Okay, okay", Rei replied with a laugh before hanging up. He felt a little bad for turning Nagisa down, but was also glad he'd stayed inside so he could catch up and not having to be behind in school next week, even if it wouldn't be by too much. Rei had always felt bad for being even the slightest behind on homework and always worked hard to make sure he wouldn't fall behind his classmates. It had paid off in the end as he never failed his exams or assignments, thankfully.

A ring on the doorbell made Rei completely lose focus, and with a sigh, he put a bookmark on the next to last page he had to read before getting up to open the door. He had no idea who would be visiting him on a Saturday night, but had a feeling it could be Nagisa, trying to persuade him to get out one more time.

But he ended up being surprised — pleasantly so — as the person who greeted him was none other than Makoto. He felt his heart start beating fast again as he raised his eyebrows at the brunet standing in front of him. "Makoto-senpai?"

"Hi, Rei. I... hope I'm not disturbing you. Sorry for dropping by unannounced, but a little bird whispered in my ear that you might be a little lonely."

Rei rolled his eyes. "I'm assuming this... _bird_... is a short, blond guy, possibly named Nagisa?"

Makoto smiled, nodding slightly. "Well, you were bound to find out anyway. Are you busy?"

"No... not really", Rei replied, even though he had been up until the doorbell rang. "Do you... want to come in?"

"If that's okay with you."

He nodded in response and let Makoto step inside. Suddenly feeling nervous, Rei fidgeted with his hands and looked everywhere else but at the boy who was taking his shoes off in the hallway. He wondered if Makoto really had come over just because Nagisa told him Rei was home alone, or if there was another reason for his visit. Not being able to stop his train of thought from running wild, Rei pondered all the possible reasons before Makoto brought him back to reality with his voice.

"Rei? Are you alright?"

Finally looking at Makoto who now stood in front of him, Rei shook his head. "I'm fine, sorry."

They walked into the living room where Rei's books were still lying sprawled out over the kotatsu table, and he hurriedly made his way over to clean up and stuff his books away. Makoto laughed a little. "You don't have to clean up, I knew you'd be studying. Even so, I came over... Are you sure you want me to be here? Maybe you really just want to—"

"It's fine, Makoto-senpai. I'm... actually glad I got some company", Rei replied quickly, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. Luckily, he was facing away from Makoto, so the other didn't see his face, which was most definitely tomato red now. He walked into his bedroom and put the books back into his bag before returning into the living room where Makoto was still politely standing around, upon which Rei realised how rude he was.

"Feel free to make yourself at home, by the way. Do you want something to drink?"

"Ah, that'd be great. Water's fine, thanks."

_Why are things feeling so awkward now of all times? We're usually able to converse normally, so why do things feel different now?_

Rei had barely finished his train of thought before he realised why. Obviously it had to do with their changed relationship, and the things they'd talked about the day before. Does this mean the two of them were dating now? Did this mean... that Makoto was his _boyfriend_?

It was a miracle Rei made it back into the living room with the two glasses of water still full, as much as his hands were trembling. He set them down on the table and watched the condense drip down the side, forming small pools around the glasses.

Makoto took a generous sip from his glass before clearing his throat and shuffling closer to Rei. "Listen, Rei, I... er, wanted to ask if maybe you'd want to go to the spring festival with me next week?"

"Oh", Rei replied, a bit perplexed by the sudden question. "I hadn't really planned to go, but... if Makoto-senpai wants to go, then I'll go as well. Yes, I would like to go with you."

"Ah, I'm glad. Are you sure, though? I mean, I don't want to force you to go with me if you really don't want to go."

"No, no — it's just that I didn't have anyone to go with anyway. Nagisa-kun is going with his family and I didn't feel like intruding on them despite him inviting me."

Smiling, Makoto shook his head. "No, I understand you. So... do you want to go?"

"Yes, I do. But..."

Rei stopped himself from continuing as he realised how dumb it would sound. He didn't want to sound like the jealous type, but deep down he realised he probably was a bit jealous of the relationship Makoto had with Haruka. They seemed to share the kind of deep understanding you'd only find between siblings. And yes, in a way they were like siblings, the way they sometimes argued about the smallest and least important of things — but Rei still couldn't help but feel like he was still in a competition with Haruka; competing over who would win Makoto over to their side.

"But?"

"N-no, it's nothing", Rei lied with a little smile that he knew wasn't convincing in any way whatsoever. As usual, he wasn't able to lie properly and even before trying, he knew he'd failed miserably. Of course, Makoto saw right through him. "It's obviously not 'nothing', Rei. You can tell me, I won't get angry. I promise."

Rei furrowed his eyebrows slightly as he looked away. "Since you promised... I thought you would go with Haruka-senpai, that's why also didn't bother asking you. I guess I just can't get past the fact that you and Haruka-senpai are really close. I mean, I know you don't feel anything romantic towards him, but even you said you suspect him having feelings for you. I just... feel like I'm inferior to him somehow."

Makoto closed his eyes and exhaled slowly through his nose. He wrapped his arms around Rei and brought him close, close enough that they could feel each other's heartbeats. "Rei, you're not inferior to anyone. I want to be with you, and I'll gladly show it to the others as well. If that's something you're okay with, I would like us to be... official, if you know what I mean. And if Haru were to try and stand in our way, I'd talk to him. Okay?"

Hesitantly resting his chin on Makoto's shoulder, Rei relaxed and sighed. "Okay." 

Makoto stayed until it started to get dark outside, and then decided it was probably best for him to head back. Rei offered to follow him home, but Makoto just smiled and told him it was fine. Maybe it was the whole age difference thing that made him decline the offer and wanting to act like the older one like he was, but Rei chose not to ask about it and just let Makoto go alone.

"I'll see you on Monday, right?"

Rei smiled. "Yes, of course. Ah, that's right — I missed swim practice on Thursday so I should probably work extra hard on Monday to make up for my absence."

"It's fine", Makoto replied with a laugh. "Like I told you earlier, you've made incredible progress in a short amount of time, so you don't need to overexert yourself."

Blushing at the memory, Rei looked away to the side. That was the time when he'd accidentally replied to Makoto's message instead of Nagisa's, indirectly confessing his feelings for his upperclassman. Somehow, it felt like it had happened just yesterday even though it had been three days by now.

"Okay... if you say so."

Makoto smiled and turned around to open the door, upon which Rei instinctively reached his hand to grab Makoto's arm. "Er... Makoto-senpai?"

"Yeah?" He turned around to face Rei again, which made the other boy nervous as he looked down at the floor. "I, um... this might sound weird, but... what are we now?"

Looking a bit confused at first, Makoto soon made an ' _ah_ '-sound as he understood what Rei meant. "Hmm, I mean... we're dating, right? I guess that makes you my boyfriend. Is that alright with you?"

Rei felt like his stomach was filled with butterflies as his eyes widened at the sudden suggestion. "Yes, of course it is! I was just wondering since—"

"Good." Makoto placed his lips over Rei's, effectively shutting him up and stopping him from rambling on, which he had a tendency to do when he got nervous. Instead, he let Makoto kiss him, intertwine his fingers in his hair and pull him close. He placed his hands on Makoto's back, grasping at the shirt and at the same time resisting the urge to pull him even closer, if that was even possible at this point when they were practically glued together.

Before he knew it, Makoto pulled back and smiled at his perplexed reaction. "Your parents might come back soon. I should also probably head back before it gets too late, anyway." Once again he turned around and opened the door. "See you on Monday, Rei."

"Y-yes... see you on Monday", Rei stuttered before Makoto walked out and closed the door behind him. As he'd locked the door and walked back into his bedroom, Rei finally let his face break into that stupid smile he'd been holding in for a while now.

 _We're dating... Makoto-senpai is my boyfriend. My... boyfriend_.

Needless to say, Rei couldn't fall asleep easily that night. Not because of something bad, rather the opposite — he still wasn't able to wipe that grin off his face even in bed.


	5. First date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The spring festival is held and the two lovebirds go on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be a shorter chapter than the previous ones, but the next chapter is going to be in Makoto's POV, so that one might get a little longer. Consider it a compensation, haha.

"Oi, Ryuugazaki, are you all better now?"

"Huh? Oh, yes — I'm fine now. Thank you for asking."

"That's good to hear. Welcome back!"

_How strange... usually I get flustered when having to lie. This must mean I'm only getting better at it. Is that good or bad?_

"Rei-chan, are you coming?"

Putting away his books in his desk, Rei got up from his seat and dug his lunch box out of his bag. "Yes, yes — I'm coming. You're very eager to leave for lunch, Nagisa-kun."

Nagisa pouted, but laughed soon after. "You know how I feel about English", he whispered with a wink, and Rei sighed. "I do. But I'm glad you are at least attending classes instead of completely skipping. It will only pay off in the end, anyway."

"I know. Well, I promised my parents that I'd do better in school, so I guess this is part of it. As much as I hate it."

"Nagisa-kun, hate is a strong word", Rei remarked.

"Sorry, hehe."

They walked up towards the roof together and found that they were the first to arrive. Taking their usual spots, Rei and Nagisa placed their bento boxes in front of them whilst chatting about various things, including the past weekend. Nagisa was quick to ask about Makoto, which Rei obviously had expected, since Nagisa had been the one to contact Makoto in the first place.

"Yes, he came over, and we hung out for a bit."

"That's it?" Nagisa didn't put an effort into hiding the disappointment in his voice, and Rei sighed in annoyance, knowing very well he had to lie once again. Well, technically he was just withholding information, so did that still count as lying? "Yes, that is it. I don't know what you would expect to happen."

"Well, I just thought that—"

"Hey, sorry we're late! What are you guys talking about?"

Sending a silent prayer up to the heavens for the very convenient interruption, Rei turned his head towards his upperclassmen and club manager who came to join them for lunch. "Ah, nothing special", Rei replied hastily with a smile.

Haru shrugged before he sat down. "Are you feeling better today, Rei?"

"Yes, I'm back to normal now. Thank you for your concern, Haruka-senpai, it meant a lot that you called the other day."

"Don't worry about it."

Gou, who had come along with Haruka and Makoto, looked at all four boys' lunches and wrinkled her nose. "You guys need to start thinking about the nutrition in your food. And not to mention variation", she said, sending a glare Haruka's way.

Haruka frowned. "What's wrong with mackerel, pineapple and rice? Isn't that healthy?"

"It  _could_ be, but not when that's pretty much all you eat. Like I said, you need variation. Try something else every now and then, it definitely won't hurt you."

The black-haired boy snorted and continued eating his lunch without another word. He had never been one to be open to change, and Rei suspected it wouldn't change soon, no matter how many times you tried persuading him. Rei himself didn't think Haruka's one-sided diet would impede his performance in any way, since Haruka was already miles ahead of himself. If anyone were to change something, it would definitely be Rei.

After lunch, everyone went back to class. Rei stopped outside the classroom, telling Nagisa to go on ahead, and quickly sent off a text message to Makoto.

**You:**

_I am glad you came at the time you did. Nagisa-kun almost cornered me... he is way too curious._

Not even a minute later, he received a reply.

**Makoto-senpai:**

_Oh, I see. Why am I not surprised? Well, I'm glad we got you out of it, then. Does Nagisa know?_

**You:**

_He does not. Are you going to tell Haruka-senpai?_

**Makoto-senpai:**

_Yeah, but I'm not sure when. Maybe after the festival? We could tell everyone together, in the club room or something._

Rei smiled a little at his phone before coming to his senses and realising he was still in school and very much noticeable. He cleared his throat before typing away his reply.

**You:**

_Okay, that's fine._

 

* * *

 

"I think you should wear the dark blue shirt. It suits you better, besides... well, black is kinda boring, don't you think?"

Rei groaned. He never imagined he'd ever have problems like these, but once it actually occurred, it became very clear to him how self-conscious he was about wanting to look good in front of Makoto. He'd only ever hung out with Makoto outside school a few times, so he  _had_ worn casual clothing around the other — but this was obviously a more special occasion than them studying at someone's place. It was their first date, so Rei wanted to make sure he wore something acceptable to it, especially since they were going to attend a festival as well.

"Alright, I will trust your judgement." He put the black shirt back into the closet and put on the dark blue one, fixing and fidgeting with it in the mirror until Nagisa laughed. "You're being way too fussy, Rei-chan. It's not like he'll like you less if you're wearing the 'wrong' shirt, or if you don't look absolutely flawless. You already knows he likes you, so just relax!"

"Fine. When are you going to meet up with your family?"

Nagisa looked at the phone he held in his hand and suddenly jumped up from the bed. "Five minutes ago. Ah, this is bad... hey, I might run into you guys over there, but if not — I'll see you tomorrow. Have fun!"

Rei laughed as his friend ran out the door, and he listened as the boy put his shoes on and exited through the front door. He looked at himself in the mirror one last time before he once again sighed and decided to stop fussing about. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Makoto probably wouldn't like him less for what he wore. He was a very kind person, sometimes maybe too kind for his own good, but that was just one of the many things Rei admired and really liked about Makoto.

His phone buzzed on top of the desk, and he knew it was Makoto telling him he was on his way. He took one last look at the mirror before he read the message.

 **Makoto-senpai** :

_I'm outside your house in less than two minutes. Don't stress out if you're not ready, though._

Smiling to himself, Rei shook his head.  _He really is too kind_.

Instead of just walking about, he walked into the living room and sat down on the couch instead. It didn't help to calm his nerves as he immediately started jiggling his leg. Was it normal to be this nervous about your first date? He didn't have any experience whatsoever when it came to dating or relationships in general, so he had no idea how to act or how to think about things.

When the doorbell rang, Rei jolted up from the couch and walked to the front door on legs that more resembled overcooked spaghetti than actual legs. It was a miracle he managed to walk over there without falling over.

"Hi, Rei. I hope I'm not stressing you or anything", Makoto said, offering one of those smiles Rei just couldn't get enough of.

"No, no — it's fine. I'm ready to go anyway."

"Okay. If we hurry, we might be in time for the first fireworks."

They walked down the street to the festival area whilst talking about trivial things such as school, the weather and upcoming tournaments. It was enjoyable, though, and Rei felt like he got closer to Makoto this way, even if they were just talking about these mundane things. He liked it nonetheless, but maybe it was mostly because he just liked being around Makoto in general.

As to be expected, the festival area was quite crowded when they arrived. But since the fireworks were just about to start, people had started walking up the hill to the viewpoint to get good spots. Makoto and Rei decided to go by the food stalls before they walked up there, taking advantage of the minimal queues.

Just as Rei was about to pull out his wallet from his pocket, Makoto stopped him.

"Let me pay, please. After all, I was the one who asked you out in the first place."

"But I'd feel bad", Rei replied, frowning slightly. Makoto smiled. "Don't feel bad, I  _want_ to pay."

He had no other choice but to give up since he didn't want to argue about a petty thing like this. After Makoto had paid for their crêpes, the two of them made their way up the hill and somehow managed to find good spots from where they'd be able to see the fireworks quite well. They had gotten really lucky with the weather as the sky was clear and there was no cloud to be seen.

All of a sudden, Rei felt a warm hand enveloped his free hand, and he felt as if that warmth spread throughout his entire body... especially in his cheeks. Luckily, it was getting darker, so Makoto probably wouldn't notice his reddened cheeks anyway. He decided to just enjoy the moment and await the fireworks display which was just about to happen.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" Makoto whispered.

"Yes, it really is."

Most of what he meant wasn't really about the night itself, though, but Rei was glad Makoto wouldn't find that out. Going completely against his personality and ignoring the swarm of butterflies in his stomach, Rei turned towards Makoto and lightly squeezed his hand.

"What's wrong?" Makoto inquired, turning his head Rei's way.

"Nothing." He got on his toes and placed his lips on Makoto's. At the same time as he did, the first firework explosion went off, colouring the sky in all the colours of the rainbow.

 

* * *

 

The fireworks display lasted for a good ten minutes, during which the boys spent in silence. Rei was too embarrassed to say anything anyway, but he didn't know what was going on in Makoto's head at the time. Maybe he was surprised by Rei's sudden approach? Maybe he didn't appreciate it? Rei felt like he should ask, but didn't know how to. It had just seemed like a good thing to do, and he really wanted to do it, so he acted upon impulse. It wasn't something he normally did, but it had felt right at the time.

Casting a quick glance at Makoto as they walked down the hill again, Rei took a deep breath. "Makoto-senpai?"

"Yes?"

"Um, I meant to ask earlier... was it okay that I... did that up on the hill? You know, when the fireworks started."

"Wha— oh." He blushed a little as he laughed. "Yes, of course. I was a bit surprised, but I liked it. It made my night ten times better. Why do you ask?"

Rei bit his lower lip. "I don't know, I just thought that maybe you wouldn't want that, since there were other people around."

"No, I don't mind. I liked it." As if to demonstrate, Makoto pulled Rei close to him, giving him a light kiss. "I've discovered how much I enjoy kissing you after these kisses we've shared."

Red as a stop light, Rei turned his head away and pouted. "Makoto-senpai, that's... embarrassing. Besides, I think we've only kissed twice."

"I'm sorry. It's true, though. And I intend to increase that number by quite a bit, as long as you don't mind."

"... I don't."

Having gone down the hill, they started walking back through the festival area out towards the street. Most people had already left, leaving the grounds eerily quiet, compared to the lively atmosphere that had surrounded the area up until just half an hour earlier. Festival workers were cleaning up, packing away unsold items and throwing away the food that they hadn't managed to sell. Rei had never stayed long enough to see this happen, what was going on when everything was over, and it was a bit odd to see the remnants of what had been quite a lively and crowded spring festival.

All of a sudden, Makoto stopped walking, and his grip on Rei's hand tightened ever so slightly.

"... Haru?"


	6. Distance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in Makoto's point of view. Makoto and Haruka talk things out, and Makoto has a lot to explain to his best friend.

_Makoto_.

 

If his heart didn’t actually stop beating there, it sure  _felt_  like it did. The look in Haruka’s eyes reflected a mix of shock and pain, and it made Makoto’s heart ache. He didn’t mean for Haruka to find out this way, he wanted to say it himself. It made the entire thing feel worse, as if he had been lying to his best friend — which obviously wasn’t the case, he just hadn’t told him yet. He was planning to do it, but destiny had apparently decided it took him too long, and took care of things for him instead.

Haruka narrowed his eyes and raised an eyebrow as his gaze went from Makoto’s eyes down to Makoto’s and Rei’s joined hands. “What’s that supposed to mean? Are you two dating now? Or have you been dating for a while and not told us about it?”

Makoto released Rei’s hand, taking two steps closer to Haru. “Listen, I can explain—“

“Don’t bother. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Haru!”

Haruka had turned around and walked away from them, disappearing down the road. Slightly panicked, Makoto turned to Rei again. “Rei, I’m so sorry… I should probably talk to him. I'm sorry it had to end on a negative note — being our first date and all.”

“It’s fine”, Rei replied. “Go and talk to him, I’ll see you in school tomorrow anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am sure. Just go. I really do not want for the two of you to stop being friends because of this.”

Still not completely sure whether he should leave Rei’s side, he reluctantly decided to listen to his boyfriend and go after Haru. He felt bad for having their date end on such a sour note, but was glad Rei was so understanding with the whole thing, despite getting caught up in the middle of it without really having done anything wrong.

“I’m sorry.” Makoto walked back to Rei and embraced him tightly before pulling back and placing a quick kiss on the other’s lips. “See you in school tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes. Now go, before Haruka-senpai goes back home or somewhere else.”

“Okay.”

He started to run after Haruka, who had already made it quite a bit down the street. His strides were long, and Makoto knew that Haru only walked this fast when he was angry. Not even when he was in a hurry since he usually didn’t care much about such things. So he knew that this could turn into a really ugly conversation, and tried preparing himself mentally for it.

“Haru! Please just let me explain”, he called, but Haru didn’t stop walking. Quickening his pace until he was practically jogging, Makoto finally managed to catch up to the other and grabbed his wrist.

“Let go”, Haruka growled, and Makoto could tell he was trembling. Seeing his childhood friend express emotions this way scared him since Haru usually kept a stoic face and indifferent view on things, not wanting to get involved with things as it meant putting in effort. Of course, Makoto knew very well that a thing like this would get Haru to react, and he felt bad since he'd been the one to cause it.

"I'm not letting go until you let me explain. I owe you an explanation and I know I should've given it sooner, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I was scared, Haru."

"Of what?"

"Of losing you."

Haru flinched. He tried squirming out of Makoto's grip, but failed once again. Makoto wasn't going to let go, even though he knew how uncomfortable Haru was with confrontations and conflicts in general. He had to get this out, had to talk about it properly. Even if there was a risk in losing Haru, at least he would have been honest with him in the end, which was better than keeping things secret and then falling out.

"I was going to tell you, I just didn't know how. I was afraid of how you'd react since I've never talked to you about my feelings—"

"I don't need to hear all of this. I don't want to. Just let me go, Makoto."

"No. I know you don't want to hear it, but you do need to. I want to be honest with you, even though I know... this must hurt for you. I'm sorry."

"What do you mean 'you know'?" There was a hint of suspicion in Haru's voice, mixed with a hint of panic, possibly because he knew what Makoto meant despite asking. Makoto sighed, slightly loosening his grip but still not letting go of Haru's wrist. He knew Haru had always taken pride in the fact that most people weren't able to read him, but since the two of them had grown up together, Makoto had learnt to read Haru's expressions and sometimes even thoughts, so in a way — it was to be expected.

"I kind of had a feeling you liked me that way. Am I wrong?"

Silence filled the air between them, only further confirming Makoto's suspicions he'd had since a long time ago but never asked Haru about. How would you even do that without possibly — or most definitely — ruining a friendship? Of course he couldn't just ask Haru about such a thing. What if he  _had_ been wrong, after all? What if all of those 'hints' and 'signals' were just him being full of himself, thinking that his best friend had fallen for him?

"I'm not wrong... am I?" It came out as a mere whisper, but Makoto was sure Haru heard him. Haru sighed, relaxing his body ever so slightly and letting his arm fall to his side, with Makoto still holding a grip on his wrist. His heart ached and all he wanted was for things to  _not_ be painful. But that would mean he'd have to choose between scenarios, right? One in which Haru doesn't like him that way and he still gets to date Rei. Or one in which... he and Rei never liked each other in the first place. Would that mean he would fall for Haru instead?

"I didn't want you to find out. I knew you didn't like me that way, anyway, so there was no point. Even so, you found out."

"I'm sorry, Haru."

The words slipped out before Makoto even had time to think, but as they did come out, he didn't regret saying them. It all had to come out eventually, and since he'd put off telling Haru about Rei, maybe this was the compensation for it.

"For what?" he asked, and this time, Haruka actually turned around. Makoto knew this meant he wouldn't run away, at least for now, so he let go of Haru's wrist.

"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner about this. It's not a matter of trust, it was a matter of finding the right time to tell you. Rei and I were planning on talking to you after swimming practice one day soon, but—"

"Why just me? Doesn't Nagisa deserve to know this, too, being a part of our team and also a friend?"

Makoto shifted a bit, realising he'd been trapped in a corner with no way of getting out. What was he supposed to do? Lie? To Haru _?_

Eventually, it seemed to dawn on Haru as to why Makoto couldn't answer his question. "Even  _Nagisa_ knows?!"

"Rei told him!"

"Oh, so Rei can trust his best friend with stuff like this, but you _can't_? Or am I not your best friend?"

This time, Makoto didn't have a proper response, despite how badly he tried getting one out.  _Come on you idiot — say something. Anything!_

"I do trust you. I do, but I'm terrified of hurting you, of losing you and never being able to be around you again."

Haruka huffed through his nose, raising an eyebrow. "Well, you can choose."

"What do you mean?"

"Choose me or him."

His eyes widening and heart stopping for a second, Makoto stared at Haru in disbelief. Was that an ultimatum? "Haru, you can't be serious... I can't choose, that's unfair. You're my best friend, and Rei's my boyfriend. There's no way I could choose, you're both important to me, but in completely different ways."

"Am I not good enough for you?"

The pain in Haru's voice was hard to miss, and it sent an invisible but very much penetrating arrow into Makoto's chest, almost taking the air out of his lungs. Until not too long ago, Makoto had never, ever thought about him and Haru going past the boundaries of friendship. Of course, it was only because he had noticed that Haru probably liked him in a way that wasn't just "as a friend", but much more than that.

And yes, he  _had_  felt guilty on numerous occasions about not being able to reciprocate the feelings, wondering what things would have been like if the feelings were mutual. Would things really be easier? Would they be able to cross the line from being childhood best friends to being in a romantic relationship? How would they break it to their parents who had known each other since the two of them were in kindergarten?

"Please, don't think that's the issue, Haru. You're too good for someone like me. Even if I  _did_ have feelings for you, I don't think I'd be good for you."

"So you're good enough for Rei? Does that mean I'm better than him, after all?"

Makoto frowned, realising he'd been backed into a corner thanks to his poor choice of words. "That's not what I meant. Okay, look — you're my best friend, and I love you as such. I always have, and I always will. I know it must be difficult for you, and that's why I'm willing to give you time... if you can promise we'll stay friends."

"That's not fair, Makoto."

"I know it's not! But you can't possibly make me choose between my best friend and my boyfriend, that's—"

"Maybe you just can't have both, then. Because I'm definitely not gonna hang out with you two."

Makoto knew it was going to come down to this. Of course Haru would have trouble being with them; his best friend and the guy he had romantic feelings for — and his boyfriend. He felt dirty, like he'd done something incredibly bad and had been found out.

But was his love for Rei really that bad? Or was it really just impossible for him to have both of them in his life at the same time?

"Can't we just... try? Like I said, I'm willing to give you time, I just want to stay friends with you. Whatever it takes. I can't... I can't lose you, Haru."

Haru rolled his eyes before crossing his arms, and Makoto could sense that this conversation was nearing its end, which terrified him as it might be the end of something other than just their conversation. "As I always knew, you're too kind. Rei should be happy he's got you. I would be."

"Haru—"

"It's fine. I'll be fine."

But as Haru walked away without even looking back, Makoto knew very well that there was little to no truth in what he'd just been told. He fought back the urge to chase Haruka once again — he knew there was nothing else he could do at this point but give his best friend some space. Even if there was no guarantee Haru would be back in his life, and even if he were to come back, things definitely wouldn't be the same.

Knowing Haru, he'd probably skip out on school for a while, and it worried Makoto since Haru's attendance was already pretty low. They were third years now, and they should all be thinking about their future, what they wanted to do after graduation and such things. Haru had yet to fill out that infamous form, after all, and he probably didn't plan on doing it, either.

With a deep sigh, Makoto started walking back home. What had started as a great date night ended terribly, and he felt bad for both Haruka and Rei. To say that he was conflicted was a vast understatement.

So did this mean he'd chosen now? Did this mean he and Haru were no longer best friends, that they would suddenly become strangers and not talk to each other as soon as they met, see each other on the weekends, going over to each other's houses—

A lump formed in Makoto's throat as he watched Haru's back shrinking in the distance and eventually disappearing. The longer he stood there, the deeper the realisation sank in that this might just be it for them. Years of close friendship ruined in the blink of an eye, and all Makoto wanted was to wake up from this nightmare.

What scared him the most was the fact that it wasn't a nightmare, and that when he woke up the next morning, things would still be the same.

 

* * *

 

As expected, Makoto found Haru's seat empty when he walked into the classroom — he really knew Haruka all too well.

_So does that mean it's a bad thing now?_

He'd thought about walking over to Haruka's house just to see if he was there, if he was even planning on going to school. All he really wanted was to see if Haru was okay, but maybe he didn't have the right to do that now.

"Hey, Tachibana. Where's Nanase? Don't you usually walk to school together?"

Of course this would happen.

He tried smiling as he replied to his classmate. "He told me he didn't feel too well, so he decided to stay home today."

"Ah, okay. Well, hope he's back for the exam next week, then."

That's right, they had a biology exam coming up. Makoto had been studying quite a lot for it despite not really having to — he just wanted to make sure he'd do well. He and Haru had been studying and doing their homework together regularly for as long as he could remember, so with their little argument the day before, did this mean they wouldn't do these things anymore? Did this mean he couldn't just walk over to Haru's without really having a reason, like he used to?

There were all these things he took for granted before that he just now realised he probably shouldn't have. He didn't know when he'd even see Haru again if he didn't actually go over to his house and force him out. And forcing Haru to do something now was probably the worst thing he could do, considering how he'd hindered Haru from running away yesterday when Makoto told him about Rei, and everything else that he knew made Haru uncomfortable.

_Did I really do the right thing? Maybe he actually has a reason to hate me now. But what else was I supposed to do?_

"Mako-chan, stop spacing out! Are you sleep-deprived, or what?"

He'd been deep in thought during lunch when Nagisa called his name, snapping his fingers repeatedly and eventually bringing him back to reality. "Oh... sorry, Nagisa. Did you say something?"

The blond boy pouted, picking at the vegetables in his bento with his chopsticks. "Nothing super important, but it's still rude not to listen."

"Sorry. Hey, I see you're having a lot more vegetables in your lunch box now. Is it because of what Gou said?"

Nagisa nodded, still pouting. "Yeah. If it helps me get better at swimming, then I guess I'll just have to suffer for it. No pain, no gain... or what was it?"

Makoto laughed. Nagisa definitely didn't have anything to be self-conscious about when it came to his swimming. In their past races, he'd beat more than half of the people he raced against, and his times just kept getting better. Nagisa had expressed his feelings on the matter before, how he felt inferior to his team mates because of his short stature and less muscular body.

Everyone else always told him that it didn't matter, and that he didn't have to worry about those things since he was fine the way he was. All of the features he was self-conscious about were things that made him unique, and they definitely weren't anything to be ashamed of, as said by Makoto, Rei and even Haru several times.

That evening after dinner and having done his homework, Makoto lay on his bed with his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He was thinking about Rei and their first date; how they'd kissed during the fireworks display and ended up missing most of it. Being able to kiss Rei was better than anything else at that moment, so he wasn't really bummed out about it, even though he heard people talking about how amazing it had been.

There was a flutter in his chest as he thought of that kiss; how Rei's lips still tasted a bit like that sweet crêpe, how Rei had been so hesitant and cautious about kissing him and eventually using his tongue. Makoto was glad Rei took the initiative since he'd fought back the urge to do so since he went to pick up Rei at his house. That must mean he wasn't being too forward, right? Rei must've wanted it, too, since he was the one to initiate the kiss.

Relief was quickly replaced by a tight feeling in his chest as his mind wandered on to what happened shortly after, when the two of them had stumbled upon Haru, who had told him he wouldn't come, but ended up going anyway. Was he looking for Makoto? Did he come just because Makoto had expressed interest in going to the spring festival?

He turned onto his side, chewing on the inside of his cheek. No, thinking about it wasn't going to make things better, if anything it'd just make him feel worse. The silence wasn't helping either, as it only encouraged him to continue letting his mind wander. He glanced at his phone on the night stand for a while, contemplating whether or not to bother Rei. In the end, he listened to his initial thought and picked up his phone.

" _Hello?_ "

"Hi, Rei... are you busy?"

" _No, I just got out of the shower. Why, did something happen?_ "

"Not exactly, I just... I felt like talking to you, hearing your voice."

There was silence on the other end, and for a second, Makoto thought the call had disconnected, but as soon as he did, Rei huffed in what sounded like embarrassment. " _I see. Well, I don't mind._ "

"Good. Hey, I don't think I said this last night, but... thanks for that. The date."

" _Oh, no — I should be the one thanking you, Makoto-senpai. After all, you... were the one to ask me out._ "

Makoto smiled to himself. "I really had fun. We should do it again."

" _I— yes. Absolutely._ " Again, there was some hesitation, and Makoto could hear Rei exhale slowly. " _I'm guessing Haruka-senpai hates me now, huh?_ "

Bewildered, Makoto nearly dropped his phone. "No, what? No, I don't think he hates you. He's just... I think he's just angry because I didn't tell him. And he probably feels as if I don't trust him enough to tell him these things. Which I do, obviously, but..."

" _You couldn't find the right time to tell him._ "

"Yeah. I guess he just needs time, both to adjust to the whole thing and to think, maybe. He probably needs time to himself. I just wish he wouldn't skip school... his attendance is already pretty low, but it'll just get worse like this."

" _Where are his parents?_ "

Makoto sighed. Haru's parents had always been 'free spirits', travelling and getting jobs far away from home. He wasn't sure what their reasoning was, but whatever it was, he was sure he wouldn't like hearing it anyway. They came home for a short period of time during summer and Christmas, but it was far from enough, in Makoto's opinion. Technically, Haru was still a child since he was just seventeen years old, so they definitely had a responsibility in raising him.

It wasn't that they left him to starve and work hard for money — they sent him money regularly, and in generous amounts, too. Maybe that was compensation for their absence in his life? Makoto wasn't sure. He just wished Haru would have proper parental figures in his life, to be by his side at all times just like parents should be. Makoto felt like he sometimes took his parents for granted, but when he was reminded of Haru's situation, he immediately had to rethink his view on things.

"They're— well, they're travelling around. Working here and there, not staying in the same place for too long. They're in Japan, though, but they're rarely home."

" _That's... terrible_ ", Rei replied slowly, and Makoto could only agree. " _So Haruka-senpai lives on his own?_ "

"He does. He has money, though, and he doesn't stay at home alone for too long since it makes him uncomfortable. He usually comes to my place when he feels lonely, but—"

Makoto's voice trailed off.  _That'd obviously change now, right?_

Haru wouldn't be coming over to his house like he used to anymore, much like Makoto wouldn't be able to go over to Haru's.

" _But now that he knows we're... dating... he isn't going to come over more, is he?_ "

"Rei, don't think this is your fault, okay? It isn't. If anything, it's mine. I should've told him sooner."

Rei sighed, obviously not intent on listening to what Makoto told him. Makoto swore he could almost tell what Rei was thinking, and it made him think of how much he just wanted to take Rei into his arms, to feel him close, to ensure him that it wasn't Rei's fault. He wanted to be with Rei, more than anything else right now.

But who said they  _couldn't_ meet? If they needed a place to be, of course the captain of the swimming club had a key to the clubhouse and locker room by the pool. It wasn't the best place to be, but at least they'd get to be alone.

"Can you meet me outside the clubhouse now, or are you not allowed to go out at this time?"

" _Huh? Oh... I can... probably sneak out. My parents are about to go to bed anyway. Why?_ "

"I just want to see you."

" _... Okay_."

 

* * *

 

The wind felt good against his skin; it was cool but not cold. He had brought a sweater just in case it'd get too chilly for when he'd have to head back home. Gladly, he was on his bike, and it wouldn't take as long to get home. It was a green and black road racer his father had given him a few years back, and he'd questioned the fact that it was a road racer — he'd never really been much of a biker before. His father just shrug it off, saying it would be a good bike for going to and from school, since most of Iwatobi was made up of asphalt roads anyway.

When he slowed down and parked outside the clubhouse, he was struck by how quiet the pool area was. It was just a minute away from the school yard, but you could always hear the chatter from students walking around the yard, either during breaks or on their way to and from school. Now that it was past school hours, no one was around and it left the surroundings quiet. Not eerily quiet; you could still hear the faint buzz of the pool's cleaning system, and the occasional clucking of the water hitting the side.

"Makoto-senpai?"

He turned around to find Rei, who had arrived on a bike as well. Rei parked his bicycle next to Makoto's and walked over to his side, looking out over the pool, which was still illuminated by the lights. Makoto glanced at Rei, and couldn't help but think of how beautiful he looked in that blue-ish light from the pool.

"I didn't think you were the type to sneak out", Makoto teased, and Rei huffed. "It can't be helped, I— I wanted to see you, too."

Makoto took his hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each and every finger at least once. "I'm sorry you got caught in the middle of this when you haven't done anything wrong. I don't know what to do; I tried talking to him, and he insists on being fine, and that things are fine, but... I'm not so sure."

Rei exhaled slowly through his nose, and Makoto could feel him tense up. "Maybe we shouldn't be seeing each other so often, then. It's obviously hard on Haruka-senpai, and I don't want to cause him any discomfort. It's obviously going to affect us as a team, too, so—"

"Stop. Don't even suggest something like that — I'm not going to break up with you, or put our relationship on ice. Haru needs to accept that this is the way things are now. I'm with you, and I know that it might be difficult for Haru, knowing he has feelings for me. But there's nothing I can do about that, since I don't feel anything romantically towards him."

"Do you wish that you did?"

Makoto was taken aback by the sudden and very direct question. He couldn't deny the fact that he'd thought about what things would have been like, had he not liked Rei in the first place but instead fallen for Haru. It would feel weird for him to like Haru that way since they were like brothers... it would never get out of Makoto's head, no matter how hard he tried, that they were basically raised together as their families were close. Going into a romantic relationship after all those years would be impossible, at least in Makoto's case.

But in reality, he had fallen head over heels for Rei, who coincidentally had feelings for him as well. He couldn't be happier than he was, and it was something that still managed to shock him once he thought about it. Things were good the way they were — and if only Haru hadn't been in love with him, things could've continued as they were, their peaceful days unchanged. He didn't wish for his feelings to be different, since it felt  _right_. Liking Rei felt like the right thing to do, and even if they had their differences, they were very similar as well.

"What... do you even realise what you're asking?"

"Of course. It would be easier on both you and Haruka-senpai had you felt the same way about him that he does about you. I just want for you to be happy, because seeing you suffer like this makes things very difficult for me. I want to be able to do something for you, but knowing that I can't makes me feel worthless."

"But why aren't you thinking about yourself?! You can't just put everyone else's happiness before your own, you have to make sure you're happy, too. Aren't you happy with me?"

"I am, but— Makoto-senpai, are you not the same? You always make sure everyone else is happy and safe, but you never seem to think about how  _you_ are feeling. You said it yourself before — you didn't tell me how you felt about me since you were afraid it would scare me away. You put my feelings above your own despite not knowing that I like you, too."

Makoto swallowed his words. He knew Rei was right, no matter how much he wanted to disagree. His mother always told him he was too good of a person, that he shouldn't always put others above himself and start thinking about what was best for him as well. It was in his nature to always look out for his family and friends, to always do his best to make sure they were happy and that he was able to help them in some way.

He never expected to hear it from Rei, who was pretty much the same way he was. Indeed, the two of them were very similar. Terrifyingly so, even.

Sighing in resignation, Makoto cupped Rei's cheeks before leaning in for a kiss. It was slow and passionate, and he hoped he could convey at least some of his feelings through it. As he let go, he noticed a slight colour change in the cheeks he was still holding. He let go and instead put his arms around Rei's waist.

"I'm sorry, you're right. It's funny... everyone always tells me the same thing. That I'm too kind, that I need to start putting my own needs first. I guess hearing it from you made a different impact... I didn't really expect it, I guess. It'll be difficult, but I'll try to do that. To... er, think about myself a bit more."

Rei relaxed in his arms a bit, smiling. "I'm glad to hear that."

"And don't you ever think you're worthless, Rei. See, you've already impacted me quite a lot, and you always do in some way, but you don't notice it. You should try and have a little more faith in yourself."

"I guess I could try", Rei replied, and that was all Makoto wanted to hear. They both had some things to work on, but he knew that if they were to do it together, things would work out fine.


	7. Desperation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru skips school, Makoto is absent-minded, Nagisa tries his hardest to cheer up his best friend, and Rei feels like he's not good enough.

"It's a really nice night out, isn't it?"

"It is. Thank you for suggesting to meet tonight, it was a good idea."

"Ah, no problem, I'm glad you could come", Makoto said with a content sigh, leaning back. They were sitting by the pool, watching as the sun set beyond the trees and listening to the sounds around them; the faint sound of cars running by in the distance, the humming of the swimming pool's cleaning system and the occasional rustling in the trees as the wind blew. It wasn't too cold, though, so they could sit outside just wearing their sweaters and tracksuit jackets.

"It's such a nice view, too. I never noticed that before."

"I agree."

 _It's not just the view, though_.

Rei slowly gripped Makoto's hand, which was resting on the ground between them. He felt the other return the grip gently, and his heart skipped a beat. A week ago, he would've never dared to dream that something like this would ever happen to him. To think that his slip-up eventually led to him dating the guy he'd had a crush on for several months, that they'd go on a date to the spring festival and being  _boyfriends_. The word still made the group of butterflies flap their wings inside Rei's stomach, and he had trouble grasping the fact that it was real.

Despite his happiness, he couldn't quite get rid of the underlying feeling that he still had a long way to go before he could properly consider himself being Makoto's boyfriend, before he could say he had Makoto's full attention and that they were officially dating. Having to compete with Makoto's childhood friend wasn't easy, and despite only having dated Makoto for a few days, he already started feeling the downside of having to come in second place. He knew it was going to happen, but when it actually did, he found it difficult to deal with.

 _I want to be his first choice_.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then. Don't forget swimming practice!" Makoto teased with a little smile. They had left the pool area and were headed home, now at the crossroad where they had to go their separate ways.

Rei frowned, looking down at his hands gripping the handlebars on his bike. "I won't forget. I have missed out on a lot and I intend on making it up to everyone."

"I know you will", Makoto replied, still smiling as he leaned over to kiss Rei on the forehead. "I was just kidding. Good night, Rei."

"Good night, Makoto-senpai."

 

* * *

 

Four people met on the roof for lunch, but one of them wasn't Haruka, it was Gou. It certainly felt empty, and Rei couldn't help but once again feel guilty. If only he hadn't sent that text to the wrong person... but that would also mean he'd still be single, not having told Makoto about his feelings. Things would be the way they used to, but Rei wasn't so sure if he'd be happy that way.

Having to keep it to himself for several months was already emotionally straining, especially since he had to see Makoto every day in school. So was he supposed to still be happy that things went the way they did, even though Makoto and Haruka were fighting because of it?

"It feels a little weird, doesn't it?" Gou asked, smiling awkwardly as she picked up a slice of tamagoyaki from her bento. Nagisa sighed, leaning against the wall. "Yeah. I hope Haru-chan comes back soon. Have you tried going by his house, Mako-chan?"

Nagisa looked expectantly at Makoto, who was staring out into the air, obviously not listening to the conversation. "Hey, Mako-chan! Are you alright?"

Makoto blinked a few times before smiling apologetically. "Oh, I'm sorry, Nagisa. Did you say something?"

"I asked if you've thought about going by Haru's house to see if he's okay."

"Oh. No... I haven't." Again looking like his mind was elsewhere, Makoto's gaze drifted to the side and towards the school yard below them. Rei cast subtle glances at his boyfriend, feeling slightly worried but at the same time being fully aware of the fact that there wasn't a lot he could do about it. Of course, it must be hard on Makoto, potentially losing his best friend whom he'd known since they were little kids. Rei himself knew the emotional pain of losing a close friend, so he could kind of relate.

Only this time, he had been part of what eventually caused the two of them to argue, and part of what made them possibly stop being friends.

_Maybe I should just do what Haruka-senpai wants. Maybe that'll make things better._

"Good job today!" Sasabe exclaimed at the end of their practice for the day. They had been practising both their exchange timing and tried to improve their personal records on their respective swimming styles. Rei felt like he'd improved a bit, just like Makoto had told him the day before, and it was confirmed in the time he got in the end, showing he'd cut off a second and a half from his personal best. He still wished he was able to swim in any of the other styles, too, feeling limited in his abilities.

"Remember that we have the spring tournament coming up in a few weeks, so don't lose momentum here. You're all improving and I want to see you continue to do so. Think positively, don't stress out and you'll do fine. That's all for today!"

 

* * *

 

"Mako-chan's acting a bit weird, don't you think?"

Rei glanced at his friend, but he didn't respond. It was all he could think about that day, the thought never left his mind and made it difficult for him to concentrate during classes. This wasn't what he expected being in love was like. Of course he knew there would be downsides to being in a relationship, as well as there would be positive things about it — but this had never crossed his mind. The worry gnawing inside him was something he hoped he wouldn't have to get used to.

"Rei-chan?"

"Yes?"

Nagisa pouted. "You're being weird, too. Did something happen between you two?"

"No! It's just—"

But it wasn't between them, so why were things still complicated?

"Obviously something's happened. Maybe you don't wanna talk about it?"

Rei sighed and stopped walking, and Nagisa did the same. "We were walking home from the festival when we bumped into Haruka-senpai."

Nagisa's eyebrows sky rocketed. "No way. What... did he say? Wait, did he just see you two walking home, or—"

"We were holding hands."

"Oh."

There were a few seconds of silence during which neither one of them managed to say a thing. Rei clenched his fist, once again being reminded by the fact that he had technically stolen Haruka's best friend and caused their friendship to collapse. Maybe there were both good and bad things about that text message he sent to the wrong person, leading to all of these events unfolding and going by so fast that he had a hard time keeping up with what was happening.

"But what did Haru-chan say when he saw you?"

"I don't know. Makoto-senpai went to talk to him alone and I went home. I didn't feel like I had the right to be there, and I probably would not have wanted to hear what Haruka-senpai had to say, anyway. Maybe it was for the best."

A small crease appeared between Nagisa's eyebrows, and he crossed his arms. "Maybe you should talk to Haru-chan, too."

"What?! No, I definitely cannot do that. What makes you even suggest such a thing? He would not even let me into his house."

"Maybe not, but at least you could try. I mean, maybe it's different when Mako-chan's not around. Even if he doesn't talk, maybe he'll listen."

Rei shook his head. "I'm not going to talk to him. I don't have the right to, and I think it would just make things worse between us. And I think things are already pretty bad."

It wasn't as if Rei hadn't thought about going to talk to Haruka alone — he definitely had, but he knew that it would all be in vain. He was scared to death of how Haruka would greet him, knowing their entire relationship had changed now because of Rei dating Haruka's best friend. They hadn't been the closest of friends to begin with, but this thing probably eliminated Rei's chances of ever being able to call himself Haruka's friend.

"If you say so", Nagisa replied, dejection evident in his tone. "I just... I hate seeing you sad. You, Mako-chan, Haru-chan... you're my best friends, you know?"

"I know. Thank you for your concern, Nagisa-kun, but I believe there is nothing I can do for now. I am just glad you are here, making things a little easier to deal with."

Nagisa smiled. "Glad I could help somehow."

The two of them went home to Nagisa to do their homework together. Nagisa had first protested saying they didn't have to do it the same day they were assigned said homework, but Rei insisted and told him that it wasn't a good idea to procrastinate — besides, if you did it sooner, you'd have lots of free time over afterwards, not having to worry about it anymore. The two of them were polar opposites when it came to studying, but Rei hoped he was able to somehow affect Nagisa with his work ethic as he knew it would be to the other's benefit.

"Rei-chan, I'm tired of this", Nagisa whined after a while. They'd been studying for about two hours, both reading the pages in the history book and going through the English words for the week. Nagisa finally gave up, laying down on the floor whilst still having his legs under the kotatsu.

"Fine, we can stop for today", Rei replied with a sigh, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face. "You did well, though. You finished reading the history pages, so now you only have to try and memorise the English for the mini test."

"I know. It was all thanks to you, though. I wouldn't have been able to study like this if I'd been doing it alone. So, thank you, Rei-chan!"

"Ah, you're welcome." Rei scratched the back of his head, feeling a little embarrassed. He still didn't quite know how to take compliments without either denying them or just staying silent in fear of saying something that could upset the other person, but he felt like he was getting a little better at it. It was probably thanks to Makoto.

When Nagisa's mother came back home, she offered Rei to stay for dinner, and after a short phone call to his own mother, they had dinner together whilst immersed in a very lively conversation. At Rei's house during dinner, it was never quite like this. It wasn't that he disliked it — he'd grown up with it and was used to it, after all — but having dinner at Nagisa's made him feel like that was the way family dinners were supposed to be.

 

* * *

 

Having done all of his homework the night before, Rei found himself not having anything to do. He decided to go out on a run again, this time taking the longer route and taking things a bit slower than usual. He was thinking about maybe calling Makoto, but felt like he would probably be too clingy if he did. After all, the two of them had spent quite a lot of time together since they started dating. And while that was all Rei had ever wanted, he also knew it was good for them to take a break every now and then as to not get tired of each other so quickly. Not that Rei thought he ever would, but he couldn't speak on Makoto's behalf.

Jogging wasn't just good for his physical health, it also helped Rei clear his mind a bit as he focused on what was happening around him instead of in his head. The past few days had been weird to say the least, and he felt like he needed things to slow down a bit. His parents always told him that school took top priority, and that was the way he had always thought — but it was getting more and more difficult to keep the same philosophy now that he had his wishes come true for once.

Wherever he ran by, he saw couples walking in the park, on the sidewalk or sitting outside cafés. It made him think about how much he wanted to do the same with Makoto; go on several more dates and do things you were supposed to do when you were dating. Go to the cinema and see a film, dinner out at a restaurant... things he never would have imagined doing before but were now things he was actually longing for.

Well, in reality, he was just longing for Makoto, to be near him and to be  _his_.

Right now, he felt like he still had some way to go before he could properly call himself Makoto's boyfriend, as the other seemed to have other things on his mind. Or rather, other _people_.

"Ah, you're back!" Rei's mother exclaimed as he came back into the house. He had been out for a little over an hour and was now exhausted, looking forward to taking a shower and relaxing.

Sadly, it didn't seem like he'd be able to relax just yet, as his mother asked him to go and do some grocery shopping since she had forgotten to get some things.

"I'm sorry, I know you just came back and all", his mother said with an apologetic smile. "I need to attend a neighbourhood meeting in about ten minutes, and I'm not sure when I'll be back. That's why I don't have time to run back to the store."

"It's fine", Rei replied. "I will go out as soon as I have taken a shower."

"Thank you, love. I left the list on the kitchen table along with some money. You don't have to hurry, though, it's just a few things for dinner."

Rei nodded as his mother disappeared into her bedroom, and he headed towards the bathroom. He'd thought several times about how he'd break the news to his parents about him dating a boy, and an older one at that. He knew his father wouldn't take too kindly to it, but he had no idea how his mother would react. She was usually very kind and open to most things, but homosexuality was something he definitely couldn't guess her views on.

When he came out of the shower, his mother had already left, leaving the house completely silent aside from the low humming of the dishwasher in the kitchen. Rei went to get dressed and then headed out into the kitchen to grab the shopping list and money. He was relieved to find that the shopping list wasn't a very long one. Just like his mother had said, there weren't a lot of things for him to go out and get.

The streets were lively and the weather was still nice and warm, and it made Rei even happier knowing that it would only get better as summer had yet to fully arrive.

"Ryuugazaki-kun! It's been a while since I last saw you — how have you been?" the old lady at the cash register asked him as he'd gotten the few things his mother needed. There were quite a few people in the store, so Rei was hoping she would cut the conversation short as to not make things awkward for him. Knowing pretty much everyone in town had its drawbacks sometimes.

"I have been good, quite busy with school, however. How have you been, Tanemura-san?"

She smiled gently, taking a quick glance at the queue behind him. It wasn't too long, but he still felt bothered by the fact that he was holding them up. "Fine, thank you for asking. I'm guessing your mother sent you, hmm? I assume she forgot something since she came by earlier."

"Yes, she did. She had to attend a meeting, so she did not have the time to come back."

Tanemura-san nodded slowly. "Ah. It's a good thing she has you. I know I just saw her not too long ago, but tell her I said hi, anyway."

"I will."

With a white plastic bag in hand, Rei exited the store and started walking back home. All he was looking forward to now was to just relax, listen to music or maybe watch TV.

Well, that was until he spotted a certain brunet standing by the bridge.

"Makoto-sen—"

" _Haru!_ "

Rei froze, his call cut short as the scream from the other boy reached his ears. He looked further ahead where he found Haruka, who, upon being called, turned around. He didn't hold his gaze on Makoto for long before he turned around again and started walking, causing Makoto to run after him.

"Haru, please stop! I just want to talk."

"Leave me alone."

Unable to move, Rei could only watch what was unfolding before his eyes. He was surprised no one noticed him — but at the same time, why would they? Obviously Makoto only had eyes for one person at that moment, and even if Haruka saw him, he probably wouldn't say anything about it.

"Haru, I— I miss you."

There was no mistaking the love and emotion behind those words. Rei felt a stinging sensation in his chest, and tears were burning behind his eyelids.

_I really was a fool to believe I would be able to take place in Makoto-senpai's heart, wasn't I?_

His jaw tightened and fists clenched, Rei turned around and walked away from there, hearing Makoto's pleading voice echoing in his head all the way home.

 

* * *

 

**Makoto-senpai:**

_Hi, Rei! Are you free today? I was thinking we could go to the park or something. It's such a nice day out!_

**You** :

 _I am so sorry, Makoto-senpai... I already have plans. I am going to my grandparents' house for a visit as I have not seen them in a while. Maybe next weekend_.

He didn't have any plans that day.

As it was a Sunday, he obviously didn't have school. Well, he sort of had plans, if staying in bed all day and feeling sorry for yourself counted as 'plans'. He really didn't feel like seeing anyone, let alone leaving the house, and spending all day in bed was a very tempting idea.

But since fate always seemed to have different plans in store for Rei, his phone rang around noon when he was heading out into the kitchen to have lunch. He sighed as he fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Hello?"

" _Rei-chan!_ " a cheery voice sang on the other end. " _Remember what I said last week about booking you this weekend?_ "

Rei silently cursed himself for having forgotten that detail. Well, there went his plans of staying inside all day. "I do. Did you have anything in mind?"

" _Of course. First, do you want to get some lunch? I'm in the mood for McDonald's._ "

Wrinkling his nose, Rei glanced at the fridge. "Junk food, Nagisa-kun?"

" _Why not? Come on, you know you like it. You don't eat it that often, anyway, do you?_ "

"For a good reason", he remarked. "I do not want to get out of shape now that I have finally made it this far."

Nagisa clicked his tongue. " _It's just one time. Come on! Just meet me outside McDonald's in fifteen minutes, okay?_ "

As he didn't have much of a choice, Rei got dressed and took the short walk over to the fast food restaurant. He used to eat fast food more often when he was younger, but when he started working out and eventually joining the track team, he completely cut it out of his diet as it would only hinder him from staying in shape. Besides, fast food never tasted as good as a proper home made meal, anyway, so he didn't see the point in it.

Nagisa on the other hand seemed to be fine with eating whatever he came across. He had never really cared for what to eat now when they were training for the upcoming tournament, and his fast metabolism didn't really help to serve as an alarm clock for Nagisa to start taking things more seriously. Not that Rei thought Nagisa's swimming was lacking — quite the opposite, actually; Nagisa's breaststroke was far beyond impressive and he was for the most part difficult to beat.

"You came!" Nagisa said, and Rei raised his eyebrow at the very apparent surprise in Nagisa's voice as he arrived outside McDonald's. "Well, you told me to come."

"I did, but... I mean, I know you don't like junk food, and I guess I feel kinda bad about dragging you out—"

"It's fine, let's just go inside."

"Really?"

"Yes." Well, it was a half-lie; Rei would have rather gone somewhere else, but at the same time, he didn't feel like doing that now that he'd actually gone all the way over to McDonald's. Besides, they had salads, so he could probably go for one of those. He realised now that he was out that he wanted to stay away from his house and avoid being alone for as long as he could now, to avoid thinking about sad and frustrating things again.

They ordered their food and took a table by one of the big windows. Nagisa had gone slightly overboard with a plus size menu and an additional cheeseburger, and Rei thought about how months ago, he would've been surprised to see Nagisa eat all of it. Now that he knew Nagisa could eat a lot more than himself, he barely reacted to the amount of food on Nagisa's tray.

Picking out the parmesan cheese from his salad, Rei failed to notice Nagisa looking at him until he was done and finally looked up. "Nagisa-kun? Is something wrong?"

Nagisa smiled a little. "I should be asking you that. Well, I was going to, I just didn't know how."

Rei frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I mean... I know you and Mako-chan bumped into Haru-chan the other day and all that, but it just feels like there's something else. Especially today, you're more distant than you were last time I saw you."

"Oh." Rei hated how he seemed to be so transparent, how he was completely unable to hide feelings and thoughts. Especially from Nagisa, who seemed to be able to read him better than anyone else did. Sometimes it was a good thing, especially considering the fact that Makoto could've been that person instead, and he  _definitely_ didn't want Makoto to be able to read him that easily.

"So... what's wrong?"

It really was inevitable, wasn't it?

"I realised I do not want my happiness to depend on Makoto-senpai's unhappiness. If he is unhappy because he chose me over his best friend, then I do not want it."

Nagisa frowned, his eyes widening. "Wait, what are you saying? Are you... are you going to break up with him?"

The direct question made Rei's chest hurt, and he clenched his fist under the table, suddenly not feeling so hungry anymore. Was that really what he wanted to do, after all this time of having sought Makoto's attention and having finally gotten it? Sure, he really did want Makoto to be happy more than anything, but did that mean they'd have to break up? Would that automatically solve things?

"I do not know what I want to do. I know that I want for him to be happy, and obviously I do not want for Haruka-senpai to dislike me, nor do I want for him to stop being friends with Makoto-senpai because of me. So if that is what it takes for things to go back to normal, then—"

"Stop!"

Nagisa stood up, his chair scraping against the floor as it was pushed back a bit. A bunch of people around the restaurant cast glances their way, their talking coming to an abrupt stop. If they had dropped a needle on the floor now, you would definitely hear its metallic, soft thud as it hit the hard surface beneath. Rei felt his face heat up and put his hands up, trying to calm Nagisa down.

"Nagisa-kun, please sit down — you are making people stare at us."

Probably realising the commotion he'd caused, Nagisa slowly sat down again and took a deep breath. "Sorry. But Rei-chan... please don't break up with him. At least talk to him about it before you make any hasty decisions that you'll most definitely end up regretting. You like him, don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why would you break up with him in the first place?"

"Because he's obviously not happy like this!"

Nagisa sighed in slight annoyance, and this was the first time Rei had actually seen his friend like this. Nagisa was always the cheerful, optimistic one out of the four of them, always cracking jokes and making everyone else smile no matter how angry or sad they were. To see him express anger was very foreign and a little scary, even.

"Stop being such a martyr, Rei-chan. Don't put yourself down because you want someone else to feel better. Just talk to him, okay?"

Talking to Makoto was one of the last things on his list of priorities, so Rei lied through his teeth when he agreed to do as Nagisa asked him to, mostly to placate his friend and to end the conversation. Thankfully, Nagisa seemed to buy it, and they changed the subject to something less sensitive and something a lot happier.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't easy attending classes that following Monday, since Nagisa kept looking at Rei with meaningful looks and kept sending him text messages whenever the teachers weren't around. He knew why Nagisa was doing it, but he definitely didn't like it since he wanted to deal with things on his own, and at his own pace. Well, if you could call it 'dealing with the problem' when he did everything but dealing with it. Running away seemed like a good enough solution for now, but he knew he'd have to confront the issue sooner or later.

The four of them — Gou being the fourth member since Haruka was still nowhere to be found — had lunch on the roof again, and Rei was quick to leave the group once he was finished as to avoid Makoto as much as possible. It had been difficult to even eat, since he was sitting next to Makoto the entire time. Trying to eat lunch with a racing heartbeat was a weird experience Rei didn't want to experience again, and he was glad to have his heartbeat slow down a bit once he had left the roof.

But was this really how he wanted things to be? Did he really want to avoid conflict, avoid getting his happiness taken away if he were to break up with Makoto now that they were finally dating? He was conflicted, that was for sure. It seemed like only one of them was able to achieve happiness while the other suffered; Rei just had to choose whom he actually wanted to be happy.

It wasn't much of a choice, really. The question was just how he was going to go through with it.

Tuesday continued in a similar manner, only this time, Gou didn't join them for lunch so it ended up just being the three of them. After lunch, Rei and Nagisa had a maths exam, which Rei didn't find a very challenging one. Maths had always been one of his strongest subjects, and he always had the top scores. He knew Nagisa probably wouldn't do very well, but was hoping the other boy wouldn't have to retake the exam and at least pass it.

Their study sessions had proved quite helpful to Nagisa, who had started to perform better in school and was finally able to concentrate properly, both in class and when they were doing their homework.  In some way, it had helped Rei, too, at least in the subjects he wasn't too confident with. Sometimes joined by their other friends, Rei had gotten immense help from Gou's older brother Rin with his English homework and especially pronunciation, which was his weakest point for sure.

As Rei and Nagisa were walking home from school, Rei's phone buzzed in his pocket, making him stop mid-sentence. His heart skipped a beat when he saw what was shown on the display.

**Makoto-senpai:**

_This might sound a little weird, but I have a feeling you're avoiding me. Are you?_

Rei stared at the screen, dumbfounded. Of course Makoto would figure it out, it was only a matter of time.

"What's wrong, Rei-chan?"

His eyes snapped up from the screen to meet Nagisa's. "Oh, it's nothing", he lied, which Nagisa didn't buy as he leaned over Rei's shoulder to read what the message said.

"Oh", he said after a while. "Well, you _are_ avoiding him, aren't you? Mako-chan isn't dumb, you know — he's pretty good at reading people."

"I know, I didn't say that! I was just hoping he would not figure it out, but of course he did anyway."

"So what are you going to do? Lie?"

_What else can I do?_

Rei furrowed his eyebrows and averted his gaze. "I don't know what I should do."

"Well, unless you choose to lie about it, he'll find out anyway, right? Either you tell him that you're avoiding him, or if you just ignore his message, he'll figure it out." Nagisa sighed and gently grabbed Rei's wrist. "Just talk to him. You can't keep avoiding him; it's not nice to him and it's obviously not doing any good for you, Rei-chan."

This time when their conversation was interrupted by Rei's phone, it wasn't a message, but a phone call.

"Ah, I'm sorry. It might be my mother."

But it wasn't. Of course it wasn't.

Deciding to finally confront the issue when it refused to leave his mind some peace, Rei took a deep breath and pressed the green phone symbol on the screen.

"Hello?"

" _Can you come to my house? I... need to talk to you._ "


	8. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again having to sort out some problems between them, Makoto and Rei have a talk. Round two! Also — spoilers, maybe — smut happens. Finally, huh?

Suddenly, it felt like Rei had swallowed a bucket of sand, because he couldn't get the words to leave his mouth. "I— yes... of course I can come over."

Going over to Makoto's house was probably the final nail in the coffin. Walking over there, he'd still be dating Makoto. But upon leaving, he probably wasn't, and it terrified him.

" _I saw you walking home with Nagisa, and I didn't want to interrupt. I'll meet you outside my house. Thanks, and I'm sorry._ "

Sorry for what?

Before Rei could say anything, Makoto had ended the call, making him all the more nervous. Maybe Makoto was going to break up now? It would certainly save Rei the trouble, but truth to be told, he hadn't actually expected Makoto to make the move. Makoto was too kind of a person and would probably just suffer in silence, not complaining or voicing his opinion.

 _He's too good for me_.

"I'm sorry Nagisa-kun, my mother wants me to drop by the supermarket to buy a few things. I will have to part ways with you here."

"Oh, okay — that's fine. I'll see you tomorrow! Think about what I said, okay?"

Nagisa disappeared around the corner, and Rei waited a few seconds before he started walking the other way to Makoto's house. Lying seemed to become a regular thing for him now, and he definitely didn't like it. What scared him the most was the fact that people were starting to believe them more and more, probably meaning he was getting better at telling lies.

Feeling as if his body had gotten twice as heavy, Rei walked over to Makoto's house, just a minute from where he and Nagisa had gone their separate ways. Makoto's house was bigger and more nice-looking than Rei's, and he figured Makoto's parents probably earned a lot more money than his own. Not that they were poor, they definitely had money to move around, but judging by the different houses they had, Rei assumed Makoto's family were wealthier.

"Hey", Makoto said when Rei stopped in front of him, his hands in his pockets and his heart beating as if it wanted to escape the confines of his ribcage. All he could think about was how badly he wanted it all to be over so he didn't have to suffer like this. They had been dating for just over a week, but in that time span, Rei had already gotten tired of having to come in second place.

And maybe he should've thought about it before, since nothing had really changed when the two of them started dating — it had always been the same. Desperation seemed to have blinded him for a short amount of time, only now making him able to see things clearly again. And now that he was actually able to see things from a different point of view, he realised how painful it actually was to be in love.

"Do you want to come in?"

Did he really have any other choice, having already come here?

"Yes", he replied almost mechanically, and walked into the house after Makoto. Silence fell as the two of them took their shoes in the hallway. Rei had been to Makoto's house a few times before for meetings regarding the swim club or study sessions, but this was obviously very different. He still didn't know for sure why Makoto wanted him to come over, but his pessimistic mind kept suggesting all sorts of things that didn't really help making him less nervous.

As he turned around to reluctantly face Makoto, two hands grabbed his arms and pushed him against the wall behind him. Makoto's lips were on his before he could properly grasp what was happening, making him gasp in surprise and confusion. Tongues were hungrily chasing each other, Makoto's hands were roaming all over Rei's body, making him so tempted to ask; what's happening, why am I here, why are we doing this when I've been doing my best to avoid you?

Was he doing it on purpose to smoke Rei out?

"W-wait, Makoto-senpai", he panted between kisses, and Makoto finally stopped. He took a deep breath, steeling himself. "Why did you want me to come over?"

"I told you, I wanted to talk."

"This is not the definition of talking, though."

"You're right. I guess I just... missed you."

Makoto took a step back, giving Rei the opportunity to step away from the wall a bit. It all felt so weird, so foreign, so wrong. Their time together had been so short but so chaotic — was it all going to end now? Was this really what Rei wanted?

"I sent you a text message earlier, asking you if you've been avoiding me. Have you?"

"I am not going to lie to you, Makoto-senpai. Yes, I have."

Makoto frowned ever so slightly, making Rei want to punch himself for causing Makoto to look that way. "Why?"

"I thought you were not happy with me. It— it feels like you might have been happier had we not dated in the first place."

"What? Haven't we already gone over this? I already told you, I'm with you because I want to. It's been something I've wanted for a long time, and I'm really happy I can finally call you my boyfriend. What makes you think I'm unhappy with you?"

"Because you and Haruka-senpai are no longer friends. I can see how it affects you, and I do not want to be the cause of this pain. I wanted to make you happy, but I ended up doing the opposite, causing you and Haruka-senpai to argue."

Makoto shook his head. "Rei... you really need to stop jumping to conclusions. I'm not unhappy with you. Sure, I don't like fighting with Haru, and it's difficult to deal with, but it has nothing to do with you. You're not the cause of this — I am. Okay? I'm trying to handle it on my own as to not involve you because of that reason; you don't have anything to do with it. Sadly, you ended up becoming affected by it, and I'm sorry. But I'm not unhappy with you. I... I really like you."

The last few words were shaky, and Rei realised Makoto was close to tears. He took a step forward and embraced Makoto, not caring about the whole distance-thing anymore. Well, that was probably thrown out the window as soon as Makoto had started kissing him, but at least this time, Rei was the one to make a move.

"I really like you, too", he whispered, closing his eyes to prevent tears from falling. "I really do, and it scares me how much I like you. I am scared I will disappoint you, make you sad, not be good enough. I feel as if I am constantly competing with Haruka-senpai over you, and I—"

"But I already told you I don't like Haru that way, Rei", Makoto reminded him, but it only made Rei think of hearing Makoto's desperate cry after Haruka that night when he happened to stumble upon them on his way home from doing grocery shopping. He bit his lip, knowing he had to completely come clean now.

"I saw you with Haruka-senpai this weekend. I was on my way home, and I heard you call after him. You miss him, do you not?"

"Of course I do, he's my best friend. But that doesn't mean I harbour any romantic feelings for him, Rei. Because I don't. I reminded Haru that I couldn't be anything but his friend but asked if we couldn't just be friends. I know it was pointless, but I had to try. I'm not giving up. And I'm not giving up on you either. Can't I just... have you both in my life without things having to be complicated?"

A moment of stunned silence had Rei realise what an idiot he had been, as he hadn't even heard the rest of their conversation. Sure, Makoto could be making things up — but it wasn't really as if he had to. Rei knew deep down that Makoto probably didn't have romantic feelings for Haruka — he just didn't know Makoto well enough yet to be able to tell how the other acted around people he had feelings for, and people he just considered friends.

He really did jump to conclusions far too often and far too easily. It had caused them to have to talk it out before, and it was happening again. Rei felt ashamed of himself and almost wanted to turn around, walk out the door and run for his life, but at the same time, he wanted to solve this once and for all so that they could move on and hopefully still be together after all this mess.

"I— I am sorry, Makoto-senpai. I really do want to be with you, but I feel like I am unable to. I know you said I should not feel insufficient, but it is difficult for me _not_ to. I feel inferior to both you and Haruka-senpai, I feel like I will never be good enough no matter how hard I try. I have only caused you pain thus far, and I do not want to put my own happiness above your own."

"But you won't, Rei. Don't you get it? You make me happy! If I wasn't happy, of course I wouldn't want to be with you, but here I am. Here I am, having asked you to come over so we could talk about things and sort it out in order to be happy together. Isn't that proof enough?"

"I just feel like you could do better off with someone like Haruka-sen—"

"Forget about Haru! I want _you_ , okay? I don't care how many times I have to tell you this, but it's never going to change. I don't like Haru that way, you're not inferior to anyone and you're more than good enough for me!"

Makoto sighed, calming down a bit, and put his forehead against Rei's. "One thing I'd like to change is your self confidence, though. You really need to believe more in yourself. I kind of feel like you're putting me up on a pedestal — I'm definitely no one special, Rei."

"But you are to me", Rei whispered as he looked down at his feet. The more they talked, the more he realised he had to be honest about how he felt. The two of them were far too similar in the way that they were both lacking a bit in self-confidence, and maybe it didn't seem like a good combo, but Rei wouldn't have wished for anything else.

As if Makoto wasn't already outshining him with his charisma and his ability to quickly make friends and make people around him happy — having to be with someone who had far better self confidence would intimidate him and make him a lot less inclined to speak up and take the initiative. So Rei vowed to himself to get stronger, to be able to support his boyfriend and — despite how hard it'd get — try and believe in himself a little more.

Taking Rei's hands in his, Makoto leaned forward and softly kissed his boyfriend. "Thank you. And of course you're special to me, too. Just... please don't avoid me because you think that'll make Haru want to be friends with me again, and because you for some reason think that'd make me happier. It's not that easy and it'll definitely just make both of us suffer."

Rei could only manage a nod as a response, a lump still in his throat and tears that were threatening to spill. What had he done to deserve such a kind and caring person like Makoto to be his boyfriend? It still felt too good to be true, but judging from what Makoto had told him countless times already, it wasn't a joke, it wasn't a dream... it was very real, and Rei still found it hard to believe.

Makoto squeezed his hands. "So can we please put this behind us now? I just want things to be normal between you and me, I don't want any insecurities or hesitations causing problems between us again. Unless there's something else on your mind? Because I feel like I got to say everything I wanted."

Swallowing hard to get rid of that lump in his throat, Rei shook his head. "I do not have anything else to say. I am sorry for the problems I caused, but I will work hard from now on as to not do so again. And... I will talk to you whenever I feel like there is something bothering me. I promise."

"Good. Then it's only fair of me to do the same. I look forward to what's going to happen in the future, and I'm glad I get to experience it with you."

Rei felt a blush explode in his cheeks and he buried his face in Makoto's shoulder. "M-me too", he stuttered, and Makoto laughed again.

 

* * *

 

They spent their afternoon together, sitting in the living room and watching TV. Well, Rei wasn't really watching the screen in front of him since he couldn't concentrate due to being nervous still. He didn't know what to say and was afraid that what he said would either be extremely embarrassing or somehow start an argument again. Thankfully, Makoto broke the silence after a while as he turned off the TV.

"I assume you weren't watching", he said as he leaned forward to place the remote back on the kotatsu table. Rei was sitting between Makoto's legs with his back against the other's chest, having Makoto's arms wrapped around him. He felt like he could sit like that for hours, but knew that he'd sadly have to go home before dinner.

"No, I was not", Rei confessed.

"Do you have somewhere to be today, by the way? I'm sorry if I forced you here if you had something to do after school."

Shaking his head, Rei smiled a little. "I did not have anything to do, I was just planning on going home. What about you, Makoto-senpai?"

"Same here. I don't have any homework or anything urgent to study for, either, so I just have a bunch of free time on my hands. I'm glad I got to spend it with you."

Rei sighed, leaning his head back against Makoto's chest. "I am, too."

And he was. Even if it had started off with him being positive about their relationship ending, either by his hand or Makoto's, things had turned out alright in the end with them still being together. Of course, that's what Rei had wanted all along, but he was willing to give it up if it meant it would bring Makoto happiness and peace. It wasn't as if he didn't like Makoto enough to be hurt by their possible parting — it was the exact opposite.

It would hurt, and obviously he would be saddened by it for some time, as it had taken him a lot of time to get this far. Even if his confession had happened by mistake, he  _had_ actually planned on making it happen... someday. As for when was a different matter.

"Rei..."

The sudden warm breath against his ear made Rei flinch, and he turned his head to the side to face Makoto. "Yes?"

Makoto's embrace tightened around him. "Can I kiss you?"

Rei laughed, but his face still heated up. "You asked that before, Makoto-senpai. You don't have to do that every time. It's okay, we're... dating, are we not?"

 _It's not like I asked for your permission when I kissed you on our date, either_.

Makoto smiled as he leaned closer. "Sorry. Of course we are."

Their lips just barely met at first, brushing against each other and making Rei impatient, wanting more. He was still terrified of being too pushy, scared that Makoto would find him too intrusive. Their relationship was still fresh, after all — and he didn't quite know how far he could go without things being weird or uncomfortable for his boyfriend.

When Makoto slipped his tongue past Rei's lips, he realised Makoto was probably the same as him. He grabbed the front of Makoto's shirt, wanting to pull him in closer even though it was probably impossible if he didn't want Makoto practically sitting on his lap. He wouldn't really mind, but wasn't so sure about how Makoto would feel about that.

Makoto's hands wandered from Rei's chest down to his stomach and slowly but surely, to his lower region. Rei flinched, but didn't pull away. He wanted to show Makoto how much he really wanted him, and how much he  _did_ trust Makoto. He hadn't done the greatest job in proving that these past few days, so he was planning on making up to his boyfriend as best he could now that they'd finally gotten past that barrier.

Deciding to try and be a bit bold himself, Rei copied his upperclassman and placed a slightly shaky hand on Makoto's crotch. A wave of surprise and excitement went through him when he noticed Makoto was already hard, and it riled him up even more.

"Makoto-senpai, I— I want to touch you. Can I?"

Makoto laughed a little. "You told me not to ask you when I wanted to kiss you, and yet you're asking me now if you can touch me."

Pouting, Rei averted his gaze. "It... it's not the same thing."

"Okay, maybe not. Yes, you can. Can I...?"

Realising what Makoto meant, Rei felt his ears get hot. "Y-yes... of course."

Makoto was more skilled than him when it came to pulling down the zipper on someone else's pants. Rei was incredibly nervous and couldn't stop his hands from shaking, earning a smile from the other boy as he tried his best to regain his composure and stop being so nervous. His hands were stopped by Makoto's after a few futile attempts, and he looked up. "Is... is something wrong?"

"Rei, do you really want to do this?"

He frowned. "Yes, I do. Why do you ask?"

"Just making sure, so we're not doing something you don't want. I kind of feel like I have the responsibility to ask since I'm the older one."

Rei managed to snort despite still being a little nervous. "It's a year difference, Makoto-senpai", he remarked.

"I know. But still, I just... I want you to feel safe and comfortable, you know?"

"I  _do_ feel safe and comfortable. I'm just scared I'll do something wrong or... something you don't want."

Makoto shook his head, still smiling as he pulled down Rei's pants a bit. "There's little to no chance in me not wanting to do anything with you. I know I said a while back that I wanted to take things slow, but I'm finding it more and more difficult to hold myself back. So don't feel like you have to do that, either, okay?"

"Okay. You too, then... Makoto-senpai."

Makoto scanned the room for a second before a vague smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "We should probably go into my room, though."

Blushing furiously, Rei ducked his head into Makoto's shoulder. "You are probably right."

Having fumbled for a bit as they got off the couch — and Rei pulled his pants back up — the two of them hurriedly made it into Makoto's bedroom. They just barely had time to close the door behind them before Makoto pushed Rei down onto the bed.

"Wait, Makoto-senpai... what about your family?"

Makoto shrugged, again tugging down Rei's pants. Rei had to bite back a small laugh at his boyfriend's impatience. "Ran has a play at school tonight, so they'll be back late. I told them I had homework to do, so I didn't join them."

Rei narrowed his eyes. "Were you planning this?"

"Maybe", the other replied with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and a smile that was anything but innocent.

Makoto leaned forward again, kissing Rei as he wrapped one hand around the other boy's length and earning a shudder from him in the process. The movements were slow; the brunet's hand working itself from the base up, occasionally running his thumb over the slit.

Rei scooted closer and took Makoto's cock in his hand as well, feeling strangely aroused in doing so. It felt so weird but yet so...  _right_. Makoto closed his eyes, but he still had a slight frown indicating his arousal and concentration on what he was doing. And  _goddamn he looks good_ , Rei thought.

Suddenly, Makoto extended his fingers around Rei's girth as well, pressing and rubbing their cocks against each other. Rei was about to protest at the unfamiliar sensation and action, but refrained as he realised how good it actually felt. He was embarrassed to the point of exploding, but upon seeing his boyfriend's passionate facial expressions, all thoughts of wanting to escape the situation flew out the window.

"Wait", Makoto wheezed, and Rei immediately stopped his hands. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, don't worry, that's not it." Makoto grabbed hold of Rei's legs, tugged one of his trouser legs off and wrapped his legs around his hips, bringing them even closer than Rei thought was possible in this position.

"Makoto-senpai, this is—"

"Is it uncomfortable?"

Of course it wasn't, but how was Rei supposed to tell Makoto how embarrassed he was? He decided to not say anything, and it was probably a good idea since his words would've died out against Makoto's lips that soon met his.

"It— it's not."

"Good."

Precum was leaking from the slit down his length, and Rei was so ashamed of the fact that Makoto got to see and  _feel_ him like this, when he felt kind of dirty, so indecent yet so _good_. Their hips had started moving on their own, slowly grinding against each other as they moved their hands, erratic breaths escaping out into the air between them. Rei felt bold, perhaps because of the adrenaline coursing through him and his pulse beating alarmingly fast, hungrily capturing Makoto's lips in a kiss. Suddenly, he wasn't so afraid to use his tongue anymore as he'd been in the beginning, scared of disgusting or freaking Makoto out.

"Mmn, Rei, I—"

Makoto's muffled voice is interrupted by him moaning loudly, and his grip on their cocks hardened. The force sent Rei even closer to release, and he broke their kiss only to duck his head into Makoto's shoulder again.

"Makoto-senpai, I'm c-close..."

"Me too", Makoto hissed in response. Their movements started getting sloppy but they were still up to speed. Rei felt the hairs on the back of his neck and his arms stand as he was finally able to come, letting a cry out against Makoto's shoulder. While he rode out his orgasm, Makoto came as well, a hoarse yell escaping his lungs and twitchy movements finishing him off.

 

* * *

 

They lay down side by side, heavily panting. Makoto turned to the side and planted a kiss on Rei's cheek. "That felt amazing."

Rei looked up at the ceiling, all the boldness gone from him as he'd reached his orgasm and let all of his lust and sexual frustration out. "I-it did, I agree."

After having calmed down, the two of them took turns using the shower, and Makoto gave Rei some clothes to borrow. It certainly felt weird but oddly nice to wear his boyfriend's clothes, even though they were just a size too big for him.

Rei sat on the edge of Makoto's bed, looking out the window and being lost in his own thoughts. He was still in slight disbelief over the whole thing that had just happened, and maybe even a little embarrassed that Makoto got to see this side of him that he barely even knew much about himself. He couldn't help but think about what could have happened if the two of them were to have gone further, and it made his heartbeat speed up again.

"What are you thinking about?"

A pair of arms embraced him from behind, and Rei flinched. "Don't scare me like that, Makoto-senpai."

"Sorry. Do you wanna stay for dinner? I was thinking we could make something together, if you don't have to be home soon."

Rei shook his head. "It sounds like a good idea. I should call my parents first, though."

His mother was the one to answer the house phone, and she didn't as much as think about her decision before telling him it was fine, and that he should be careful on his way home. He thought about how he'd explain his change of clothes to his parents, but then realised he could just tell them he forgot clean clothes to bring after swim practice, and it became less of an issue.

He was still very much thinking about how he'd break the news to his parents about him and Makoto. Well, the first and biggest issue would obviously be the fact that he was dating a boy in the first place. Keeping a secret this big was incredibly difficult and it sometimes took a lot for him not to slip up during their dinner conversations or say something that could make his parents suspect things.

Makoto and Rei made _nikujaga_ , a beef and potato stew, which was a dish Rei had never prepared himself, so Makoto had to teach him most of it. He enjoyed it, though, not only because it was Makoto, but because it was something they'd never really done together.

 _I wonder if we could make this into a habit one day. Maybe not, but at least I can dream_.

With dinner over, Rei prepared himself to go back home. Makoto had put his clothes in the washing machine when they started preparing dinner, and by the time they were done eating, his clothes were just about done in the dryer as well. Makoto told him he could keep the borrowed clothes until they saw each other during swimming practice the next day, so he was probably able to wash them in the morning before going to school.

"See you tomorrow, then", Makoto said as they stood by the door. "Are you sure you don't want me to walk you home?"

"Positive. I don't want you to worry about me, I can walk home by myself."

Makoto laughed. "I know you can."

"See you tomorrow, Makoto-senpai."

Before he left, Makoto leaned down to kiss his slightly shorter boyfriend, who obviously couldn't help but blush. Rei walked home with a sense of relief and a small horde of butterflies in his stomach.


	9. Evasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru's POV! Rin and Sousuke get an unexpected roommate, something Sousuke doesn't appreciate. Rin tries talking to a very reluctant Haruka, and his patience isn't plentiful.

_Haruka_.

 

As usual, Haru’s alarm clock went off at a quarter past seven. And as usual, he shut it off and fell back asleep. He hadn’t bothered turning off his alarm for weekdays, thinking that he might actually get out of bed one day and go to school.

But as the days went on, he realised it probably wasn’t going to happen.

Haru slept until noon, when he finally got up and made himself lunch consisting of mackerel with miso soup and rice. It was a staple meal for him, something he had ‘far too often’ according to Makoto.

Thinking about Makoto made his stomach and chest hurt in a weird way, and he tried his best to get rid of those thoughts — an effort that was mostly in vain.

If only he wouldn’t have to be in love with his best friend.

Cursing himself for being absent-minded as he dropped his plate on the floor, Haruka decided it probably wasn’t a good idea for him to stay cooped up inside the house forever. He only had one place he could go to now where he knew he wouldn’t have to deal with any of his emotions or thoughts, but he wasn’t sure if the person in charge of the room would be there.

He threw a few days’ worth of clothes and his toothbrush in a sports bag before he headed out the door.

 

* * *

 

“Rin? Ah, no — he went out a while ago. Why?”

Sousuke had been the one to open the door, and Haru had naïvely wished he wouldn’t have to face Rin’s roommate, thinking he’d still be in class or by the swimming pool at least. Well, if Sousuke was there, Rin probably would be, too.

“It’s nothing.”

“You can wait here if you want”, Sousuke said with a light shrug. “I’m going out, though.”

“Thanks. I’ll be fine.”

Sousuke nodded once and then left the room, leaving Haru alone in it. He’d never been there alone before, so it certainly felt weird. He decided to waste time by borrowing one of Rin’s comic books that was lying on his surprisingly tidy desk, knowing very well Rin wouldn’t be happy about it once he returned to find out.

The two of them had known each other since they were little kids; not quite as long as Haru had known Makoto, but it was only a few years difference. They’d always been great friends but at the same time rivals, competing against each other when it came to swimming, even though they used to swim on the same team when they went to Iwatobi Elementary and Junior High.

Despite their rivalry in the swimming pool, Haru considered Rin one of his best friends. They’d fought a few times, but always made up and went back to being friends again not too long after.

He and Makoto had never fought, however; this was their first time. And it scared Haruka, not knowing whether he and Makoto would bounce back the same way he always did with Rin. Sure, it was mostly up to him now, but he still wasn’t sure if he was ready to go back to the way things were with Makoto. Was that even possible at this point?

The door opened, interrupting Haru from his reading. He looked up and found a surprised Rin on the doorstep.

“Haru? What the hell are _you_ doing here?”

“I’m staying the night. That’s okay, right?”

Rin blinked a few times, looking like he’d completely lost the ability to speak. “What?!”

“I’m staying—“

“I heard you the first time! _Why_ are you staying over?”

Haru frowned, putting the magazine down on the bed and crossed his arms. “Why are you so against me staying here? You usually have enough space, don’t you?”

“That’s not the problem, just answer my question.”

“It’s—“

But what was he going to say? How was he going to tell Rin he’d had his first fight with Makoto, leaving him distressed and constantly thinking bad thoughts? The loneliness had started eating him up inside, and he’d finally reached the point where he couldn’t possibly stay alone with all of it anymore. Even though he was very reluctant on letting Rin know, it was way better spending his time with someone rather than being alone.

“It’s what?” Rin prompted, and Haru sighed.

“Some things happened, and I don’t wanna be alone. Okay?”

His friend sat down on the bed next to him with a sigh. “What about school?”

“What about it?”

“Are you not going to attend any classes, or what?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“I don’t wanna see anyone.”

“But seeing me and Sousuke’s fine?”

Haru lowered his eyebrows and looked out the window. His arguments were never strong against Rin no matter how much he thought about them beforehand; Rin always managed to stump him and make him unable to make a proper comeback.

Rin frowned at Haruka’s silence. “You’re being weird, Haru.”

Maybe he’d been wrong in thinking Rin wouldn’t ask him anything. Haru was starting to regret coming over to the Samezuka dorm, but he really didn’t have anywhere else to go, so it was pretty much inevitable.

“I’m not! Just… don’t ask, okay? I promise I won’t be a bother.”

Rin raised an eyebrow, choosing not to inquire any further. “Alright, fine. I’m blaming you if the captain asks me why the hell you’re living in our room, though.”

“Whatever.”

Haru was pretty sure Rin would try and ask him again, but he was glad it didn’t have to be now, at least.

 

* * *

 

It was a bit weird at first, having to share the same room as both Rin and Sousuke, but the two of them got used to Haru being around eventually, almost as if Haru had actually moved in. Haru knew Rin would kick him out at some point, though, but for now, he was allowed to stay. He didn’t make much noise or take up much space, anyway, so Haru didn’t see any problems with him staying there.

He would like to go back home soon, though. But right now, the thought of just going back there brought back thoughts of Makoto, making him once again regret thinking about even going back to his house.

Did Makoto go to his house regularly to check up on him? That’s what he’d like to think, but now that Makoto was with someone else, Haru wasn’t so sure anymore. Makoto probably didn’t have time for him anymore, with his new boyfriend and all.

But why did it have to be _Rei_ out of all people? The newcomer to their swim club, and a year younger than them, at that? Sure, Nagisa was a year younger, too, but most of the time they didn’t even notice it as they’d grown up with Nagisa. Rei was different. Rei was…

Rei was the one Makoto had fallen for, and it hadn’t been Haruka. Which obviously was the biggest issue and the biggest reason as to why Haru was so against the whole thing in the first place. A new, younger, guy made his way into their lives and took Haru’s childhood friend away from him, making all of Haru’s efforts over the years completely fruitless. Who gave him the right to do that?

Haru groaned, turning to his side on Rin’s bed. He had a mattress on the floor on which he slept during the night, but when Rin and Sousuke were out, he took the opportunity to ‘borrow’ Rin’s bed as it was obviously more comfortable. Rin always barked at him whenever he came back, but it was never more than that. For now, at least.

He knew he had to talk to Makoto, there was no question about it. The issue was how. And if he talked to Makoto, he probably had to talk to Rei as well, which was something he’d _really_ want to avoid at any cost, but Makoto probably wouldn’t have it any other way and bring Rei along anyway.

The door to the room opened, and Sousuke was the one to walk in, surprisingly to Haru’s relief. He was trying to avoid Rin’s pending confrontation for as long as he could, and if Sousuke was there when Rin came in, Rin would probably refrain from lecturing Haru until they were alone.

“You’re still here, Nanase.” It wasn’t a question, more of a statement. As such, Haru didn’t feel the need to respond, but unfortunately, Sousuke wasn't finished talking. “You know… I don’t know what your deal is, but you’re being a bother to Rin. He might not say this to _you_ , and sure — he hasn’t said anything to me, either, but I can tell.”

Haru sat up. “So what do you want me to do?”

Sousuke glared at him after having set his bag down onto the floor. “Get your shit straightened out and go back home. I don’t mind you living here, it’s just the fact that you haven’t told Rin _why_ you’re here and you’re obviously hiding something. You’ve hurt Rin before and I’m not gonna let you do that again.”

“I’m not going to hurt Rin”, Haru said through gritted teeth, clenching his fist. Sousuke had this entire thing wrong from the start, but no one had actually bothered to tell him how things _really_ were, and that Rin’s tears weren’t actually caused by Haru. Everyone knew that, even Haru.

“You say that, but your actions say otherwise, you know. I’m just giving you a warning. The second Rin comes to me whining about his problems with you, I’ll gladly be the one to kick your ass out on the street.”

“This doesn’t even concern you”, Haru remarked, only to be interrupted by Sousuke’s clearly angered voice. “The hell it does! If it concerns him, it concerns me, too, as much as I don’t want it to. You really don’t get it, do you?”

He didn’t understand, but didn’t say it, either. Haru sighed, deciding not to say anything more. Sousuke did the same, and only changed into training wear before he left the room again, leaving Haru to himself. Where _was_ Rin, by the way? Usually, Rin and Sousuke would come back at the same time after classes, but Rin was still nowhere to be seen.

About an hour later, Rin finally walked in, drying his hair with a towel. "Hey", he said as he sat down by his desk.

"Where were you?"

"I stayed by the pool to coach Ai a bit. Why?"

"Just wondering."

Sighing, Rin turned to face Haru. "Listen, I know why you're here — I... talked to Makoto."

Haru flinched. "What?"

There really was no escaping this, was there? He'd hoped he could at least have a few days of peace, a few days of not having a constant reminder that he and Makoto were fighting, and that it was all because Makoto had chosen someone else over him. He still couldn't wrap his mind around why it had to be _Rei_ out of all people. He felt offended as someone who'd been by Makoto's side since they were children that he wasn't the one to capture Makoto's attention — instead, this second-year student who'd only known Makoto for about a year did?

"Yeah, I talked to him and I think the two of you should talk, as well. Or rather, you _three_. I don't care that you don't want to talk to his boyfriend, either, but you kinda have to. You can't just stick your head in the sand whenever there's a conflict, Haru."

"I don't—"

"Yeah, you do", Rin interrupted. "You're underestimating me, too; I've known you since we were little brats, of course I know how you work and think. If it helps, I'll be there to help steer things in the right direction. And", he added with a slightly threatening tone, making Haru confused, "I'll be there to stop you from running away. I don't care what you say, I've already talked to Makoto and they're on their way over."

Haruka stood up, his head suddenly spinning. "You can't do this. It doesn't concern you, anyway."

Rin clicked his tongue. "Are you serious? Of course it does, you're one of my best friends, and so is Makoto. I don't want you to be fighting and I'm gonna try and help you fix things since you seem incapable of doing it yourselves. Jeez, sometimes I wonder if maybe I'm not a year older than you and Makoto after all. It would explain a few things."

Well, Rin had been right — Haru's first thought was to run out through that door, but he knew Rin would be fast enough to get up and block his path. His only other option was the window, but he didn't want to risk breaking an arm or a leg, so that was out of the question. Which meant the confrontation was inevitable, and it scared him. He knew that the look Makoto was sure to have on his face would break him, and he wouldn't want to be fighting about this anymore.

Makoto wasn't the real issue here, though. Haru definitely wasn't looking forward to talking to or even just seeing Rei. He felt betrayed; like Rei had betrayed him by somehow getting Makoto to fall for him and then dating him. Well, there was no way Rei would've known how Haru felt about Makoto, but he still couldn't help but feel like it was obvious that Makoto was off-limits.

"I'm not gonna talk to him", Haru said after a while, stubborn as always.

"Who are you talking about? Rei?"

Seeing Haru nod, Rin sighed. "You're acting like such a child, Haru. What's your reason? Because Rei 'stole' Makoto from you? If that's your reason, then you're jut being an idiot, because you know very well he wouldn't do that. Rei has too much respect for you to do that, and he's probably scared shitless of you right now. Do you honestly believe he'd purposely start dating Makoto just to spite you, to make you mad? Really?"

He didn't, but that wasn't something he was willing to admit to Rin. Sure, he'd built up this unnecessarily bad image of Rei, but it had all been in his anger, disappointment and confusion over the fact that Makoto had chosen someone else over him.

The realisation that his anger had indeed been misplaced from the start hit him like a bag of bricks, and he buried his face in his hands. "Rin, please", he groaned, his voice muffled.

"Please, what? I'm not gonna drop this, if that's what you think. Just because you've realised how wrong you've been doesn't mean I'm just gonna let this go and let you go on your merry way of hating the both of them, or even just one of them. Because none of them deserve it. I know they're both suffering, at least as much as you are. And I'm not gonna sit and watch this any longer, I think you know I'm a better friend than that."

Rin's claims were obviously justified, Haru knew that much. With a defeated sigh, he looked up again and looked straight at Rin. "Okay, I'll do whatever you want. So what do I have to do?"

"Well, since it seems I'll have to do most of the meddling and steering things in the right direction, all you have to do is to sit there and not run away like you always do. I'll hold your damn hand if that makes it easier, I just don't need to deal with you being a little shit. Okay?"

Haru nodded, but he still wasn't too keen on the idea; he mostly just went along with it to please Rin and make him shut up for once.

"Good. They'll probably be here soon, so—"

"Wait, you called them here? Now?!"

Rin raised an eyebrow. "Yes? What did you expect, of course I'd take the opportunity and do this now that I actually met Makoto. The sooner the better; you guys really can't keep doing this. Makoto's been trying to solve things sooner, but since he literally couldn't reach you via phone or even by going to your house, the responsibility fell on me."

A knock on the door and Makoto's voice calling for Rin stopped their conversation, and Haru felt his heart suddenly hammering furiously in his chest. The moment of confrontation was here, and he wasn't ready for it.


	10. Apprehension

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto gets help to cope with the Haru situation from Rin, who later offers to help him patch things up with his best friend.

_Makoto_.

 

Makoto's alarm clock went off at a quarter past seven as usual, and this morning it was more difficult than usual to get up. He had a pretty good idea why, but it wasn't something he liked to be reminded of. With a heavy sigh, he got up and dressed himself before he walked down the stairs into the kitchen, where his mother was already up making breakfast.

As usual, the twins greeted him by jumping onto his back and both saying 'Good morning, big brother!', to which he smiled and greeted them back before he told them to get down. The three of them walked into the kitchen and took their places by the table. Makoto was eager to just eat his breakfast quickly before heading out and going over to Haru's—

 _Ah, that's right_.

"I'm leaving", Makoto announced as he walked out into the hallway. His mother soon came after him with quick steps.

"Wait, Makoto. I forgot to tell you yesterday; your therapist called and postponed your appointment until tomorrow instead, but the same time as usual. He had an urgent meeting he couldn't possibly reschedule, that's why. I hope that's not too inconvenient for you."

Makoto nodded slowly. "Okay. No, that's fine."

She smiled and put a hand on his cheek. "I'm glad you're still attending those sessions."

"Yeah. Anyway, I should really go or I'll probably be late."

"Ah, that's right. Say hi to Haruka for me!"

 _Like a punch in the gut_. "I will."

Makoto shut the door behind him before half-jogging down the steps and walking down the hill on his way to school. About halfway there, he realised his mistake of not bringing an umbrella and had to run the last bit until he reached the school building. He didn't get completely soaked, though, but wet enough to warrant a change of his shirt. Not that he'd have the time to change now as he only had five minutes until class started, so he'd just have to sit it out.

It looked like he wasn't alone in not having brought an umbrella, as others in his class came in complaining loudly, some guys running their hands through their hair quickly to dry it a bit before they sat down. Makoto looked out the window and at the water dripping down, sighing. He hoped the rain wasn't going to last long so they could at least swim after school, but the chances looked very slim.

As a result of the very stubborn rainfall, he, Rei, Nagisa and Gou had lunch in an empty classroom. Nagisa was visibly upset by the fact that they couldn't sit on the roof, a pout on his face during most of lunch. It still felt weird for Haru not to be with them, and Makoto hated the possibility of this having to become the norm. He wished he could just talk to Haru, to try and get his best friend back.

But that was probably nearly impossible at this point. He'd tried calling and sending text messages, and at one point he'd even tried going to Haru's house. And of course it'd been pointless; Haru wouldn't even come to the door. Makoto knew it would happen, sure — but that didn't stop him from hoping. Even in times like these, optimism never left him.

Classes seemed to go by slower than usual; it was as if time itself had slowed down, making it excruciatingly difficult to stay focused and pay attention to the teacher. His mind wandered all different kinds of places, thinking about Haru, his nightmares, Rei, his family... Today just wasn't a good day for him, and he couldn't wait for it to be over.

Finally, at three o'clock that afternoon, classes ended. Since it was still raining, they couldn't use the pool and thus had to cancel swim practice. Nagisa and Rei decided to take this as an opportunity to study for an upcoming test, so after Rei's profuse apologising, the two of them walked the other way at the crossroad, leaving Makoto to himself. He figured he could probably do the same as his teammates and use this extra time to study.

As he turned the corner to the little road leading up to his house, a familiar voice shouted his name.

"Makoto! Hey, turn around!"

And he did, only to face that indeed very familiar redhead friend of his. At least _he_ had been smart to bring an umbrella. "Rin? What are you doing here?"

Rin shrugged, walking closer and bringing the umbrella over the both of them. "I went to see Gou for a bit. She's been whining about how busy I've been and how we don't see each other that often anymore."

"She's not lying, though, is she?"

"I guess not", Rin mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Hey, have you seen Haru? I went to his house, but he's not in. His doors are even locked, and that's very unusual for him."

The smile Makoto had on his lips died out, and he looked down at his feet. "I... er, I haven't seen him in a few days."

"Hasn't he been in school?"

"No."

"... Did you guys have a fight?"

Silence fell upon them while Makoto was trying his best to come up with some sort of response that never appeared in his mind. He gave up, sighing. "Yeah, sort of."

"What happened?"

Makoto looked around him at the people who walked by. He fidgeted. "It's... kind of a long story."

"Well, let's go inside your house then. If that's okay?"

"... Yeah."

His parents were nowhere to be found, and obviously the same went for Ran and Ren. Makoto and Rin took their shoes off in the hallway before going into Makoto's room, where he placed his schoolbag onto the floor next to his desk chair. Rin sat down on his bed, his determined eyes set on the brunet in front of him. "So. What happened?"

Makoto sat down next to his friend, exhaling slowly. "Haru and I had an argument after he saw me and Rei at the festival a while ago. We've— Rei and I have started dating."

"What?!"

Waving his hands in front of him, Makoto shot Rin an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I meant to tell you earlier, but there's just been so much going on and—"

"It's fine. But Rei, why him?"

Makoto shrugged. "I don't know, I just really, _really_ like him. I've liked him for a while, and apparently he's liked me for some time, too. We just didn't know that the other person returned those feelings."

Rin rolled his eyes. "You guys sound like you're in some damn shoujo manga or something. So, okay, you started dating. Why is Haru mad about it?"

"Because he likes me, too."

And there was that silence again, as Rin stared at him incredulously, his mouth opening and closing like he wanted to say something but couldn't figure out how. Makoto thought about how much it made Rin look like a fish — no, a shark — opening and closing its mouth only to eat or breathe. He felt odd about wanting to laugh about that in this situation.

Eventually, Rin sighed again,  "Like I said, a shoujo manga. Wow. Okay, so Haru's upset because you're dating Rei, and because he likes you. Do you like Haru like that at all?"

Makoto shook his head, and he felt like it was wrong of him  _not_ to return the feelings of his childhood friend. Like it was something to be expected of him after all this time, like it was something given; that they'd end up together after having spent the majority of their lives pretty much glued together. Maybe their parents thought the same, and maybe it'd disappoint them to find out that Makoto was in love with another boy.

"I don't. And... I feel bad, somehow."

"Idiot, don't feel bad because you don't feel the same, that's stupid. Okay, so that's why he's avoiding you. Sounds like Haru, alright. Listen, I was... kinda lying before when I said I didn't know where Haru was... I do know where he is. He's at my place, and he's been staying there for a few days now. It's pissing Sousuke off, but I've been a bit too nice and let him stay since I knew that him staying alone right now might be a bad idea."

Makoto's heart skipped a beat. "He's at Samezuka?"

"Yeah. It's— well... shit, how do I say this... er, it's a bit awkward having Haru live with us."

Makoto looked at Rin in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Because we're dating. Sousuke and I."

His eyes widened and he felt his jaw drop at the very unexpected revelation. Makoto knew the two of them were close, but not in _that_ way. Not to say that the two of them made an odd couple, quite the opposite — they were pretty much a perfect match, and Makoto wondered how it'd taken him this long to realise.

"Since when?"

Rin shrugged. "Couple of months back, I guess. Having Haru live in the same room kinda... makes things difficult, if you know what I mean."

Makoto felt a blush creep onto his cheeks as he realised what Rin meant with those words. "Yeah."

An uncomfortable silence fell between them for a minute or two after that, and Rin coughed awkwardly when it started getting unbearable. "Anyway, you really need to sort things out with Haru. Like, soon."

Smiling sadly, Makoto looked out the window. "I just don't know what to do. I want to continue being friends with him, but I know it's probably impossible now. He also says that I have to choose between being friends with him or continue dating Rei."

"What, you can't have both?"

"No... apparently not."

Rin smacked his palm against his forehead. "He's such an  _idiot_. Makoto, listen. It's not your fault, okay? Haru's the one being a jackass—"

"Please don't call him that, it sounds bad."

"... whatever. Like I said, he's the one at fault and you shouldn't blame yourself. Same goes for your boyfriend, I can imagine he's terrified of Haru now, huh?"

Makoto nodded with an awkward smile on his lips. "He thinks it's all his fault since he was the one to confess and set things in motion, basically. I told him it wasn't his fault..."

"But you're instead taking on the blame yourself. Yeah, that sounds like you. Jeez, you two really are perfect for each other, you're scarily similar. Anyhow", Rin said as he stretched his upper body with a yawn, "I'm gonna go talk to Haru and tell him you're coming over. Call Rei and tell him to come here or meet you, and you come to our dorm in... let's say an hour and a half. It's only a ten minute ride with the train, anyway, and I want to have a bit of a talk with Haru before you guys come over. Sound good?"

"Y-yeah, sure." Makoto didn't know what else he could say at this point, as it was apparently already set in stone that the confrontation was going to happen that day, and very soon at that. He was nervous, anxious but at the same time, he really wanted it to happen as he'd gone near desperate in wanting to talk to Haru. Thanks to Rin, this was soon going to be made possible, and he didn't have to worry about having to chase Haru all over the place to get a hold of him. Makoto knew where he was now, and it kind of relieved him in a weird way.

Rin left, and Makoto called Rei, asking him to come over. "I know you're studying with Nagisa right now, and I'm sorry about having to interrupt. I don't think Rin will let us postpone this any longer, so..."

" _I understand. I will tell Nagisa about it, and I will be at your house in about ten minutes._ "

"Okay. Thank you, Rei. See you soon."

He hung up and buried his face in his hands, his heartbeat suddenly going through the roof. He'd wanted to talk to Haru about this for a while now, and he'd actually tried to make it happen... but now that it  _was_ finally happening, he felt unsure of what to say and how to convey his feelings. He knew Haru wouldn't be easy to work with in this situation, as Haru had already expressed dislike over the whole thing with him dating Rei.

That wasn't the entire story, of course, which Makoto was painfully aware of. Rin had told him pretty much what he'd told Rei — that neither of them were to blame in this as they hadn't done anything wrong. Makoto still found it somewhat difficult to believe as he felt like it was somehow his fault, too, for not telling Haru about any of this sooner. He hadn't told Haru anything about what he felt for Rei, and maybe this was one of the many reasons as to why things were like this now.

Makoto understood completely if Haruka felt betrayed; it was completely natural, even if it hurt knowing it. He'd unconsciously kept things from his best friend in fear of ruining their friendship, since he already had a feeling the other had feelings for him. He was scared, and kept things hidden so things wouldn't come between them. And in the end, they ended up coming in between them anyway, and he realised far too late that he should've just been honest and open from the start.

When the doorbell rang, Makoto found himself almost running to the front door. He practically threw himself in Rei's arms, who let out a small, surprised gasp upon contact.

"Makoto-senpai, we saw each other just recently. You act like we haven't seen each other in weeks."

Makoto didn't say anything — not that he could, either. He buried his nose into the shoulder of Rei's school uniform jacket; taking in his scent, taking  _him_ in.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You're shaking."

Silence.

Rei shifted a bit, but only to put his hand on Makoto's head, slowly running his fingers through the brunet's slightly messy hair. Makoto let out a shaky sigh, hugging Rei tighter, almost as if it was the last time they'd see each other. It definitely wouldn't be, even if Haru were to make it an ultimatum, he'd work his way around it. He knew that choosing between Rei and Haruka was both unfair and completely impossible, so even if Haru were to say he had to, he'd refuse.

Eventually, Makoto put himself together and pulled apart a bit. "I'm sorry. I just really wanted to be close to you right now."

Rei shook his head. "I don't mind, you just... scared me a little."

"Sorry."

"Makoto-senpai, stop apologising. You haven't done anything wrong."

Holding back a sigh, Makoto closed his eyes and put his forehead against Rei's. He'd been told this so many times in a short amount of time that it almost started to have the opposite effect. "What did Nagisa say when you had to leave?"

Rei averted his gaze. "I hope you don't mind that I told him the truth. I didn't say everything, though — I just told him we are going to talk to Haruka-senpai, and he said it was a good thing and wished us luck. He's been... really down about this. He tried cheering me up a while back and felt bad when he didn't think it helped. It did, and I told him so, but I don't think he believed me."

"I don't mind that you told him, he deserves to know. It feels bad when people around us are affected by this, too. Even Rin is, and I feel terrible for having dragged everyone into it when they didn't have anything to do with it."

"I do, too. Maybe we'll be able to sort things out today and stop hurting everyone else. In-including ourselves."

A smile tugged at the corners of Makoto's lips, and he tightened his embrace around Rei. "I hope so. Maybe we should go, what do you say?"

"Yes, I think so, too."

He didn't want to go, just as much as he  _wanted_  to go. Makoto knew it was for the best though; not just for him but for Rei, Haru and everyone else around them as well. Taking a deep breath, he followed Rei out the door.

 

* * *

 

They spent the train ride to Samezuka in silence. As much as he wanted to talk and break the awkward silence between them, in the end, Makoto decided not to. He knew Rei must've been nervous — at least as much as he was — so he didn't want to make the other even more nervous and just leave him to his thoughts instead. In a way, he was relieved Rin would be there through it all since it both meant Haru wouldn't be able to escape, but it would also make it easier on him to go through with this with some support.

Rei and Makoto arrived at a busy train station that was located just a few minutes away from Samezuka Academy. As it was a late afternoon on a weekday, most people were probably coming or going home from work and school by this time, which was why it was so crowded. As to not lose Rei among the masses of people outside the station, Makoto grabbed his hand and quickly made his way out a bit from the crowd.

When they made their way down the road leading to the academy and its dorms, Makoto looked to his side to find Rei blushing. He stopped walking. "Rei? Is something wrong?"

Rei cast a quick glance at Makoto before looking in front of him again. "It's— it's just that... I was not expecting... this", he said, squeezing Makoto's hand a bit tighter.

"Oh. I'm sorry, did you not want that?"

"I didn't say that, I just said I wasn't expecting it", Rei replied. "I told you before, stop apologising for everything. You make it sound like you're doing some thing bad when in reality it's the opposite."

Makoto smiled a little. "I don't really know how to tell if what I'm doing is bad or not, and I really  _do_ apologise if anything I do makes you uncomfortable."

"I guess it lies in your nature", Rei said and returned the smile.

Having arrived outside the Samezuka halls of residence, Makoto and Rei stood in front of the door to the building, both hesitant on going inside. Makoto were the one to go in first after a few seconds of just standing there and staring at the door, and Rei followed close behind.

Makoto had been in Rin's and Sousuke's room a few times before, but it was still awkward to walk through the corridors without either one of them escorting him. Rei on the other hand had never been there, so he knew Rei must've been nervous about it.

Reaching the door at the end of the corridor labelled  _Matsuoka/Yamazaki_ , Makoto knocked on the door. "Coming", he heard Rin say on the other side, and a few seconds later — there he was.

"Hey", Makoto said, and Rei bowed his head slightly, standing next to Makoto.

"Glad you could come", Rin replied, and Makoto knew it was only a phrase of courtesy rather than him actually being glad they came; they'd agreed on making this happen, after all. "Come in."

The two of them walked in whilst mumbling something along the lines of "sorry for intruding", and Makoto felt like his heart was going to explode in his chest as soon as his eyes fell on Haru who sat on the bottom bunk bed. A part of him wanted to turn around and leave, while the other part held him in place and told him this had to happen. He hated confrontations and always did his best to not initiate them, but he knew he had to get over this irrational fear of his and deal with this in order to hopefully patch things up between himself and Haru.

They awkwardly sat down by the kotatsu in the middle of the room, and Rin joined them. Haruka didn't move from his spot on the bed, and it made Makoto's heart ache ever so slightly with the realisation that they'd grown so distant within this short amount of time. It was like Haru was a completely different person, and it scared him.

"Haru, don't be an idiot. Sit", Rin said and pointed next to him. Very reluctantly, Haru did as he'd been told and sat down next to Rin on the opposite side of Makoto and Rei.

Maybe it was Makoto's imagination, but as he glanced at Haruka, he noticed the other looked like he hadn't slept a whole lot in the past few days; the slightest hint of dark rings under his eyes and a general air of exhaustion that was very unlike the otherwise laid back, silent and 'energy-conserving' Haru he knew so well.

 _Definitely a different person_.

"Right", Rin said after clearing his throat. "I guess I'll have to act like a middle-man here and start things up since I doubt anyone else will. First off, to Haru, I want to say that you're being a complete jackass." He glared at Makoto who was just about to interrupt him, and Makoto shut his mouth again. Rin knew he'd try and correct him for calling Haru such a thing, but it couldn't be helped — Rin had a bad habit of using cuss words and calling especially Haru and Sousuke these things. Makoto knew it was futile trying to change those habits after all this time, so he eventually decided against it.

"You're an idiot, because you're literally blaming these two for something they can't really help. It's not like it all happened on purpose. Do you  _really_  think Makoto would want to hurt you by dating Rei? Do you think Rei would even dare doing this to you on purpose? He's probably scared shitless of you right now, and I have to applaud him for actually coming here in the first place. You're the one at fault here, yet you're the one who seems to have gotten the least backlash."

Rei shifted uncomfortably where he sat, and Makoto could tell how badly he just wanted to escape the situation. To try and comfort Rei — and partly himself, as well — he grabbed Rei's hand under the table, and his boyfriend shot him a slightly relieved glance.

"I know you like Makoto. And yes, it sucks to not have your feelings returned, I know — but don't you fucking _dare_ blame Rei for this. It's not his fault. It's not Makoto's fault all this happened, either. Neither of them can help that this happened."

Makoto looked at Haru, who was now staring down at his knees and gritting his teeth. He was about to boil over, and Makoto was terrified of what Haru would say. Rin was probably the only person who could really get to Haru, and it hurt a little to realise that. Makoto had tried for years to influence Haru in some way, help him with making decisions, guide him onto the right path — but it just never seemed as effective when he did it as when Rin did the same.

"What do you want me to do, just sit here and accept it?!" Haru finally said through his teeth. His azure eyes seemed to have taken on a darker shade, and they were filled with anger. Makoto was genuinely scared, and could almost feel Rei being scared, too, as tight as his hand was being squeezed now.

"Yeah, I do! I think you need to, actually. Accept that Makoto has feelings for someone else, and just try to be his friend. If you can't, then don't force it. Just don't sit here and spew your hate all over them, because neither of them deserve it."

Deciding to voice his own opinion and feelings, Makoto hesitantly opened his mouth. "Haru, I'm sorry things turned out this way. I'm not sorry for the way I feel, though. I'm glad I found Rei, and I want— I want you to be happy for me, too. I know it's difficult, but I'm more than willing to give you time if that's what could come out of it. I want us to continue being friends, I really don't wanna have to choose between you and Rei."

Haru's eyes flickered to Makoto's, but only for about half a second before he looked to the side again. He sighed, and the expression on his face nearly broke Makoto's heart.

"Right. I think maybe this part isn't for our ears", Rin said and got up from his seat. "Rei, maybe we could wait outside while they talk things out, what do you say?"

"Y-yes... okay", Rei stuttered in response, and relief coloured his face. In a weird way, Makoto was jealous of Rei who got to leave the room and the strange atmosphere.

Rin and Rei left, and the room fell silent. Makoto clenched his fists in his lap and exhaled slowly. "I just really want us to go back to the way things used to be. I know it's probably too much to ask for, but... I just want us to be friends. Can't we?"

"I don't know", Haru replied, and it honestly sounded like he'd already given up on them. Makoto started feeling desperate; it felt like he was just barely holding onto their very fragile friendship but it was slowly slipping out of his hands.

"Why does it have to be so difficult?" Makoto asked, his voice wavering. His chest ached, tears were threatening to spill from his eyes and he was just mentally exhausted. "I just want us to be friends, why—"

"Because I want more than that, Makoto. I don't want to just be your friend, don't you get it? It's difficult enough as it is to just be around you like this, but now when you're with Rei, I... I don't know if I can handle it."

This was probably the most Makoto had ever heard Haru talk about his feelings. And he probably should've been glad for that, had it been a completely different situation, but at this point, all he could feel was sadness and hopelessness. This couldn't be it, could it? All of these years spent together, lost because Makoto had fallen for someone else?

"So... is this it, then? Are we just gonna stop being friends now, is that it? Are you really saying you're just throwing it all away because I didn't fall for you?" Makoto surprised even himself with his sudden anger bubbling up from within him. He was trembling again, but for a completely different reason than before.

"Don't you dare blame this on me", Haru snapped. "I wasn't the one who—"

"So you really  _are_ blaming me for falling for Rei! It's not like I could help that, and even if I could, I wouldn't have it any other way! I can't help that I see you as more of a brother than a boyfriend, Haru, I can't. I love you a lot and you mean the world to me, but it's just not the way you want it to be. It's not your fault and it certainly isn't mine. I used to think it was, but I've realised I was wrong in doing that. It's no one's fault, it just happened and we can't help it. I'm just asking you to accept us, and to be our friend like you always have been."

Haru looked like he was about to get up and punch Makoto, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't know. I can't be your friend right now, at least. I can't be around you right now, it's just too much."

Makoto looked down at his hands again, all the steam having left him and returned him to his normal self. "What if I give you some time, then? Can't you just think about it?"

"... Maybe."

It was probably the best response Makoto could ever dream of getting out of Haru at this point, so he decided to take it and not argue any further. He let out a sigh and got up from his seat on the floor.

"Where are you going?"

"To let Rin and Rei in again. Because we're done anyway, right?"

Makoto had his back turned to Haru, and he was glad he did, because the tears were now right on the verge of falling. He was glad he was able to at least keep his voice somewhat neutral. He was still frustrated, angry that Haru couldn't just let the two of them stay friends. He'd been more than willing to give Haru all the time he needed in order to be able to be around him again. He would've given it all and more — but Haru wouldn't take it.

So all he could do now was to let it go. Leave it up to Haru to pick up the broken pieces if he ever wanted to, because no one else was going to do it. Not even Makoto. As hard as it was to stay away, he knew he had to.

"I guess", Haru finally responded, and it was like the nail in the coffin, as if Haru had twisted his heart in his chest. Makoto opened the door and walked out into the hallway, where he found Rin and Rei sitting and talking in low voices. The two of them got up as soon as they noticed him coming.

"Everything okay?" Rin asked, and Makoto felt like he could faint any second now.

"I think I need to leave", Makoto said, and Rin sighed. "Guess not, huh. Okay, fine. I'll talk some more sense into him, but just give him some time. I'm sure he'll come around. I just wished he would've at least talked to Rei, too. I guess that was too much to ask for."

Makoto leaned against the wall next to him, and Rei was by his side in the blink of an eye. "Are you alright, Makoto-senpai?"

"Yeah", he replied, but he was anything but. "I just want to go back home."

"Well, you two can head back. Sorry it didn't work out the way we wanted it to, but like I said — he'll come to his senses soon. I mean, it's impossible for him to live without you; he can't even tie his goddamn shoes without your help", Rin muttered. Makoto shook his head. "You're really underestimating him, Rin. But I do hope he wants to be friends again. I'm willing to wait, but right now it just doesn't seem like it'll happen."

"Give it time. I'll talk to you later. Nice to see you, Ryuugazaki."

"Y-yeah, you too, Rin-san."

 

* * *

 

Originally having offered to give Makoto some space, Rei ended up following Makoto back home. Makoto definitely didn't want to be left alone now, but he felt bad for being selfish and dragging Rei with him for longer than was probably necessary. Rei kept telling him it was fine, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to believe it. Still had to work on that whole self confidence issue.

It was a little weird at first, but resting his head in Rei's lap was surprisingly nice and relaxing, whilst his boyfriend calmly ran his fingers through Makoto's hair. It helped to ease some stress off of him, that's for sure. At first, the silence in the house was calming, but as it went on, it started driving him nuts as it just reminded him of how things had ended with Haru and how things were probably going to be between them from now on. Silent.

"Rei?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for coming back with me. I really feel bad for taking up more of your time, but I really appreciate this. I'm glad you're here."

Rei shook his head and smiled a little. "I don't mind, Makoto-senpai. I— I wanted to be with you, anyway."

Makoto smiled. "Hey, come closer for a sec."

Rei did as he was told, and Makoto placed his hand on the back of the other's head to pull him down for a kiss. Rei stiffened for a second, but soon melted into the kiss as well.


	11. Bravery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Makoto decide to be brave and jump out into the unknown.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did you end up with Makoto? I wouldn't really see the two of you as the first to hook up, if you know what I mean. No offence."

Rei was sitting in the hallway with Rin as Makoto and Haruka talked things out. He was hoping the best for them, but with Rei being a realist — he knew the chances were slim. Not to say he'd given up hope yet, that was far off. He hoped that they could one day be able to just be friends and hang out like they used to. It didn't matter if it took weeks or even months; as long as Haruka would one day just accept him and his relationship with Makoto.

He'd tried multiple times to back out, to 'surrender' Makoto to Haruka, but as Makoto had continuously told him he didn't want that, that he wanted Rei and no one else, Rei had no choice but to listen and do as he was told. To stay. Which obviously was what he really wanted, but if there was a way for everyone to be happy, including Makoto, he wouldn't hesitate to go down that road. Even if it meant leaving out his own happiness.

"None taken", Rei said slowly. "Well, er... I was the one to confess. It happened on accident, really. I sent a text message meant for Nagisa-kun to Makoto-senpai instead, and he found out how I felt about him."

Rin hummed. "I see. Well, you got lucky, huh? I mean, Makoto's a real catch, even I know that and I don't even like him that way. He's a good guy, and I hope you'll treat him right." Probably sensing Rei's sudden fear, Rin laughed. "I'm joking. I know you'll be good to him, relax. Maybe  _too_ good, even. You two are really similar, though, so I kinda get how you ended up together. Shame things had to turn out this way with Haru, though."

"Yeah", Rei replied slowly, looking down at the floor. A hand suddenly ruffled his hair, and he looked up. "Huh?"

"Don't worry about it, Ryuugazaki. You guys'll pull through, I just know it. Even if Haru's being really fucking stubborn, and it'll probably take him some time to get his head out of his ass, you'll be fine. Just don't blame yourselves, okay? It's not your fault."

Prior to meeting Rin, Rei wasn't very used to hear someone swear that much. And in the beginning, it had been difficult for him to not grimace whenever Rin cussed, but as time went on and as they spent more time together with everyone else, Rei pretty much got used to it to the point where it almost didn't bother him anymore. Sometimes it did, but he never mentioned it as he knew it was just part of Rin's personality, and he was also still a bit scared to tell his senior off.

"I... I know. We have actually been telling each other that, but neither one of us can actually believe those words. I'm trying, though", he said with a little laugh, and Rin looked out the window. "Well, none of the responsibility lies with you guys anymore. It's all on Haru. Just be patient and I'm sure he'll come around."

"I hope so."

Rin flashed Rei one of his famous, sharp-toothed grins. "So, hey — have you been keeping at it with your swimming practice?"

"I have", Rei replied. Having been coached by Rin every night for a few weeks really had paid off as he'd finally learnt how to swim breast- and backstroke along with butterfly which was the only thing he'd known up until now. "I am really thankful that you agreed to help me."

"Ah, it's no big deal", Rin replied, and Rei swore he could see a very faint blush in the redhead's cheeks. "I mean... we're friends, right?"

Rei smiled, and he was sure he was pretty much grinning from ear to ear. "Yes, of course."

 

* * *

 

A week passed without them seeing Haruka even once. The situation affected the team as a whole, their swim practices lacking in both good results and motivation from the members. Sasabe scolded them during the first few days, but he seemed to realise soon enough that there was something other than laziness preventing the three of them from performing well. Gou obviously knew what was going on — Rei suspected Rin to have told her everything, not that he minded, really — and never even touched on the subject during the times they had lunch on the roof or talked during swim practice.

"Makoto-senpai, are you free this afternoon?"

Makoto turned around before putting on his shirt. Rei silently mourned not being able to see his boyfriend's amazing muscles now that they were covered up. "Ah, I actually have something I need to do. I'm sorry."

"That's fine", Rei replied and smiled. Makoto had done this once before in the past week without specifying on what he was doing, and although it made Rei curious, he had yet to have a reason to be suspicious of his boyfriend's activities that didn't include him. He assumed it was just something Makoto wasn't ready to tell him yet, and he patiently awaited the day Makoto would tell him. Well, if that were to ever happen. There were lots of things he had to be patient with these days, and he thought it was a wonder he hadn't imploded from it.

As Nagisa and Rei were left alone, Rei sat down on one of the benches with a deep sigh.

"Are you okay, Rei-chan?"

Rei shrugged. "I guess. I'm just frustrated that there seems to be something going on with Makoto-senpai that I can't help him with. I feel useless."

Nagisa sat down next to him and leaned against his shoulder. "Remember when I told you the same thing a while back, and you told me Iwasn't useless? Now it's my turn", he chirped. "Seriously, Rei-chan... you're not useless. Mako-chan would definitely agree with me on that, I know it. I also know he'll tell you when he's ready."

"Do you know what it could be?"

"I don't", Nagisa said. "But I know Mako-chan wouldn't hold anything from anyone of us without reason."

"I guess you're right."

"Don't worry about it, Rei-chan. You guys will be fine!"

It wasn't that Rei thought this would lead to the end of their relationship — he had a little more faith in Makoto than that, of course. But he couldn't help but feel like he was being left out somehow, and no matter how many times he was told that it was nothing to worry about, something inside him begged to differ.

Makoto had never done anything that would cause harm to the people he cared about, and he always put other people's needs above his own. Rei was very aware of this fact and that was why his feelings didn't make any sense. He felt guilty for having even the tiniest bit of suspicion and doubt and tried forcing himself to just forget about it. He wanted to believe in his boyfriend, show him that he trusted him. Maybe trust was something that would come with time — at least that's what Rei was hoping for.

Rei instead spent his afternoon window-shopping in the Iwatobi centre with Nagisa. Not only was the year coming to an end soon, Haruka's birthday was coming up, too. A knot formed in Rei's stomach for two different reasons. He cleared his throat. "Nagisa-kun, are you getting Haruka-senpai anything for his birthday?"

Nagisa stopped, and his eyebrows shot up. "Oh, wow... I'd forgotten about that. That's soon, isn't it?"

"Just about two weeks", Rei replied. His memory had always been a little too good, enabling him to remember even the most insignificant things. Not that this was one of them.

"Ah... well, I normally do, but if you hadn't reminded me, I probably would've forgotten. I should probably try and look for something." Nagisa frowned in concern. "I guess you're not getting him something, huh."

Would it be inappropriate or odd if he did? They technically weren't friends anymore, so that would probably be out of the question. He didn't even know how he'd go about presenting the gift to Haruka since it was just two weeks away, after all. He wasn't expecting miracles to happen that soon.

"I... will probably not get him a present", Rei admitted, as much as he would've liked to. It'd probably just end up looking like he'd try to buy Haruka's friendship or something, anyway, and even though Rei didn't know him very well, he knew his upperclassman wouldn't take too kindly to it.

Nagisa nodded knowingly. "That's fine, it's understandable. I probably wouldn't, either. Though I can't really imagine fighting with Haru-chan in the first place."

 _I couldn't, either. And then it happened_ , Rei thought bitterly to himself. The upperclassman he'd looked up to, and the one who eventually convinced him to leave the track team to join the swim club was Haruka. They'd never been the best of friends, and Haruka had even been suspicious of Rei at first, but in the end, they started to get along really well.

And then this had to happen. Rei was still conflicted; on one hand, he didn't want to forgive himself for stealing Makoto from Haruka, but on the other — he felt like it really wasn't his fault, after all, and that Haruka just had to think of it differently. It was difficult, to say the least, and he found himself constantly switching between the two conflicting sides.

 

* * *

 

A buzzing on the nightstand next to his bed woke Rei from his sleep, and he sat up with a small groan. Looking at his alarm clock, he noticed it was just past nine in the morning. It was a Saturday, and he didn't have any plans for that day yet, but had thought about going on a walk or jogging after breakfast.

He picked up his phone to read the text message he'd received, and his heart started beating faster when he saw the sender's name.

 **Makoto-senpai** :

_Good morning! I hope I didn't wake you. Are you free today?_

Rei took a deep breath to calm his racing heart before responding to the message.

 **You** :

 _Good morning, Makoto-senpai. Don't worry about it, I was already awake. I am indeed free today. Did you have anything in mind_?

Well, Makoto  _had_ woken him up, technically — but that wasn't something he was willing to admit, since he knew Makoto would immediately start apologising and feeling bad for something that wasn't very serious in the first place.

 **Makoto-senpai** :

_Come to Yukinoya at noon, we can have lunch together if that's okay with you._

**You** :

 _Yes, that sounds like a good idea. See you then_.

Still slightly perplexed, Rei got out of bed and started getting dressed. They hadn't had any time to themselves since they visited Rin at Samezuka Academy the week before; Rei wanted to give Makoto some space after his failed attempt at making things better with Haruka. As much as Rei was tired of the whole thing and just wanted it to be over, he knew he still needed to be patient. It was difficult and mentally exhausting at times, but he'd already decided a long time ago that he'd do whatever it took to make Makoto happy.

"Oh, are you leaving?"

Rei's mother's voice stopped him in his tracks when he was just about to head out the door. "Yes, I am going out to see a friend from the swim team", he replied, and cringed internally as he forced himself to refer to Makoto as his friend.

"Is it Nagisa-kun?"

"No, it's— it's Makoto-senpai."

"Ah", his mother said, sounding a bit surprised. Rei couldn't blame her; he'd never really formally introduced them despite them having been in the same team for nearly two years now. "Well, tell him I said hi. I'd like to meet him one day."

 _Of course_. Rei swallowed hard. "I will."

Yukinoya was a sushi and ramen restaurant in the town centre of Iwatobi, and it was very popular thanks to its wide selection of ramen. Rei had only been there a handful of times before, once with the track team. Although he didn't care much for the ramen as it was too unhealthy for him, he did enjoy their sushi a lot.

This Saturday, there didn't seem to be a whole lot of people at Yukinoya for lunch. Rei approached the front of the restaurant and immediately spotted his far too handsome boyfriend waiting for him with his hands shoved down his jeans pockets.

"Ah, Rei!" Makoto said when he noticed Rei coming closer. His heart skipped a beat as his name was called, and he exhaled slowly to try and ease his nervousness. Where had it come from, anyway? Did he have a reason to be nervous? They'd already met a few times like this, and there was nothing really going on between them that should have made him nervous in the first place.

As it became their turn to order food, Makoto ordered himself a tempura udon bowl, Rei ordered some sashimi and sushi for himself and insisted on paying for Makoto's meal as well. While the other tried protesting, Rei reminded him that Makoto had been the one to pay for their food at the festival during their first date, and that made Makoto almost immediately stop trying to argue. He pouted ever so slightly, though, but Rei just found it weirdly adorable.

They got seated a bit further inside the restaurant, giving them some privacy which Rei wasn't sure they needed in the first place. But no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn't get rid of that tiny feeling of nervousness as he poked on one of his sushi rolls with his chopsticks. Makoto seemed a bit nervous as well, which just made Rei confused more than anything.

"Makoto-senpai, is something wrong?"

Makoto sighed. "I know you've noticed that I've been a bit... distant lately. It hasn't got anything to do with you, I promise. I just didn't know how to tell you, since I knew you'd feel guilty about it, which you definitely shouldn't as this has gone on for years now."

His nervousness suddenly shooting through the roof, Rei frowned and looked down at his plate. "What... what is this about, Makoto-senpai?"

"I told you, it doesn't have anything to do with you", Makoto soothed, putting his hand over Rei's. "But I thought you might think it does. I've been seeing a therapist for a while now. I'm still trying to get over my fear of the ocean, and I'm seeing a therapist in order to do that. It's gotten a bit better now, and although I'm not quite there yet, I'm on my way."

Rei sighed out of relief. "I thought there was something wrong, and that was the reason as why you wanted to meet today. I have indeed noticed you've been absent-minded for a while, but I assumed it was mostly because of—"

His voice stopped there, and he didn't feel like continuing any further. Not that he probably needed to; Makoto must've known by now what Rei was going to say.

"Ah... no, that's not it. Well, maybe partly, but it's not why I haven't been able to be with you as much as I've wanted to."

"Did the incident at training camp last year slow down the process for you?" Rei asked. He knew he had to, and he knew Makoto probably expected him to since he'd been hesitant on telling Rei all of this in the first place. But the two of  them had promised to be more open about their thoughts and feelings, anyway, so he might as well just jump out there.

Makoto shook his head with a small smile on his lips. "It did scare me a bit, but I don't think it really slowed down my recovery process. Besides, I don't regret going out there, even if I wasn't personally able to save you. More than anything, I just... I guess I blame myself for not being able to do it myself, that I had to rely on Haru and Nagisa for you to be brought back to safety."

"You don't have to blame yourself, Makoto-senpai. It wasn't your fault, I was the one who went out on my own in the middle of the night. I should not have done that — I should have just waited until daytime instead."

"But you couldn't have known that the weather would turn out like that", Makoto retorted, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "Listen, Rei... it wasn't your fault. Can we just leave it there? I'm fine, but I'll get better. I'm just glad you're here with me now."

Rei exhaled a sigh in resignation and decided to drop the subject, as they instead started talking about something else. It was pointless trying to argue about this again; they'd already done it that night when the four of them finally reunited after having been separated in the rainstorm on the islands. Haruka had been the one to be most upset as Rei's actions had directly put his best friend's life in danger.

And of course, Rei completely understood Haruka's anger. He really shouldn't have gone out by himself in the middle of the night, especially since he could only swim butterfly at the time, and butterfly probably wasn't ideal for trying to swim back to shore and away from danger. He felt worthless not being able to keep up with his friends; no matter how hard he tried and how often he practised the different strokes, he couldn't get them down.

Which was where Rin had come into the picture. Rei had been a bit reluctant about asking him for help at first, but discovered that once he did ask, Rin was very happy to help. He'd mumbled something about owing Rei a favour anyway, and while Rei didn't quite understand in what regard, he was glad he got the help from someone who was supposed to be his rival, at least during tournaments.

They finished their lunch, and Rei was just about to think their 'date' was over when Makoto took his hand as he walked out before him. "Rei, I wanted to ask you, if you don't think it's too early or too big of a step... would you... er, come with me to meet my parents?"

Rei turned around, raising a questioning eyebrow. "But I have already met your parents before, Makoto-senpai."

"I know. But not— not as my boyfriend."

And then it dawned on him. And then he realised how they'd spent nearly three weeks as a couple, yet they hadn't actually come out to their families. Well, three weeks was probably still a little too early for most people. But to Rei, three weeks had seemed like months, not because they had been boring or anything, but because he literally felt like they'd been dating for a long time. The whole thing with Haruka made it feel like time moved a lot slower, too, of course.

"Oh", he replied, not really sure what other words could fit. "I guess... I guess I could do that." With a little more resolve, he cleared his throat. He knew Makoto's parents were far more open-minded than his own. "Yes, that sounds like a good idea."

"Okay", Makoto said, his entire appearance radiating a sense of relief that made Rei jealous.

 

* * *

 

He felt a little nervous as they walked over to Makoto's house, scared to be optimistic no matter how much he wanted to. Rei didn't know a whole lot about Makoto's family, but from what he'd gathered from the few times he'd met them, he thought they were friendly, warm and welcoming. It didn't surprise him as Makoto was pretty much identical to the rest of his family personality-wise.

"I'm home", Makoto called as they walked in through the door. Rei's heartbeat sped up and he suddenly found it difficult to breathe. As if Makoto could read his mind, he squeezed Rei's hand reassuringly. "It'll be fine", he whispered with a smile.

"Welcome home— oh, you brought a friend? Ryuugazaki-kun, was it?"

Rei nodded. "I am sorry for intruding", he said and bowed slightly. Makoto's mother smiled. "Make yourself at home."

"Ah, Mum, there's something I'd— well, _we'd_ like to talk to you and Dad about. Is that okay?"

"Sure, absolutely. Is something wrong?"

Makoto shook his head. "No, no — nothing's wrong."

She didn't look completely convinced, but bought it anyway. Rei almost felt like he could faint any second now, but he swallowed hard and tried to keep positive thoughts in his head as they walked into the living room, and Makoto's mother called for his dad.

As the four of them had gathered around the kotatsu, Makoto cleared his throat, and Rei automatically straightened his back, clenching his fists in his lap. The air around them felt heavy, almost as if you could touch it if you were to stretch out your hand in front of you. Makoto's parents looked at them with mixed anticipation and slight worry, making Rei — if possible — even more nervous. Maybe they  _wouldn't_ accept it, after all? Looks could definitely be deceiving, and Rei didn't really know Makoto's parents well enough to have a proper opinion of them other than his first impression.

"Mum, Dad... Rei and I are— we're dating. We've been dating for a few weeks now, but we didn't know when or how to make things official."

Makoto's straightforwardness nearly took all the air out of Rei's lungs. He stared down at his balled fists and prayed to every god out there that things would work out, that this didn't have to end in a bad way like they had with Haruka.

"Oh", came Makoto's father's voice after a few seconds of unbearable silence. "Jeez, don't scare me like that. I thought you'd gone and made a girl pregnant, Makoto."

"Me too", his mother agreed with a sigh of relief. "You don't have to be so nervous about it — we kind of figured Makoto might not be into girls, anyway. And we both like Ryuugazaki-kun, so don't stress out. That's great news!"

Rei looked up, first at Makoto's parents, and then at Makoto. Disbelief coloured his face as he nearly dropped his jaw at their reactions.

"You're... okay with it?" Makoto asked, his voice reflecting the surprise Rei felt.

"Of course. We support you with whatever you choose to do... we love you, Makoto. You're wise and mature, and you're more than capable of making your own decisions. I'd feel like a bad parent if I were to be against you being in love, even if it's with another boy."

Rei couldn't help but blush. The whole thing with them both being boys was something that had been stuck in his mind ever since he realised his feelings for Makoto were of romantic nature. At first, he'd felt like he was anything but normal, that his feelings were wrong and that loving another man was unnatural.

"Thank you", Makoto said, and his voice was trembling ever so slightly. Rei took his boyfriend's hand in his, and Makoto looked at him with a smile that had his heart fluttering in his chest.

"Th-thank you", Rei echoed and bowed his head. "I will do my best as to not disappoint neither Makoto or you. Makoto's parents are dear to him, and I promise that I would never do anything to cause him harm or discomfort that would have you worry."

His face was probably burning up from embarrassment by now, but he knew he had to say this. Rei felt Makoto's eyes on him during the entire time he was speaking, but he didn't once break eye contact with Makoto's parents. He had to do this the right way to make a good impression and to prove them that he was indeed worthy of standing by Makoto's side.

"I'm glad to hear that. I know you'll treat him well, and I'm glad you two found each other", Makoto's father said with an approving tone. Both parents looked genuinely happy for them, and it caused a warm feeling to spread throughout Rei's body.  _Makoto's so lucky to have parents like these two_ , he thought and couldn't help smiling. To say that he was relieved was a vast understatement; it felt like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders.

He still had his own parents to talk to about this, which was definitely going to be more of a battle than this had been. He knew his father would definitely oppose it, so he knew he had to talk to his mother about it before anything else. Since Makoto had been so brave and decided to come out to his parents about their relationship, Rei decided he had to do the same, and soon.

Makoto's mother suddenly looked a bit concerned, and all happy feelings within Rei receded faster than lightning. "I just want to make sure you are both aware of the— well, I don't want to call it disadvantages, but... well, you know you two can't get married, and you obviously can't have children, not even adopt. At least here in Japan."

"Mum, we know, trust me", Makoto said, waving his hands in front of him as Rei felt like this time, he really  _would_ die from embarrassment.

"Okay. Just making sure. Other than that, I don't have anything else to say other than... welcome to the family, Rei-kun."

Rei looked up, his eyebrows rising ever so slightly, and he felt tears burn behind his eyelids. "Th-thank you, Mrs Tachibana."

"That wasn't so bad", Makoto said and leaned back against the wall. They were sitting on Makoto's bed, taking in what had just happened. Rei still found it a bit hard to believe that it had been that easy; it felt like there should have been more of a discussion, a bigger hurdle to climb over. Well, there  _had_ been that little talk about marriage and children, but thankfully nothing more than that.

Rei knew Makoto loved children, and he was very close with his younger siblings. Makoto had even said on several occasions that he wanted to work in a field where he got to work with kids, so for him to be in a homosexual relationship obviously wouldn't warrant him any children. Rei felt bad knowing this, knowing he couldn't give Makoto one of the things that would truly make him happy.

"Hey, Makoto-senpai... I was thinking; are you not saddened by the fact that you cannot have children?"

Makoto looked at him and smiled vaguely. "A little. But I don't really mind as long as I get to work with children in the future. Being with you is more important than having my own children."

"S-so you plan on... being with me for a long time?"

"Yeah, I do. Does that scare you?"

Rei shook his head slowly. "It does not. I just— I did not expect that."

"Oh", Makoto replied and smiled. He placed a finger under Rei's chin, pulled him close and planted a light kiss on his lips. "I'm just glad we got that out of the way. Though I kind of knew my parents would be positive about it. They've rarely been against anything I've chosen to do or anything that has to do with who I am before, and even if this is a bit out of what other people might see as normal, I was confident they'd at least say they needed time to get used to it."

Rei looked down at his hands. "I want to tell my parents, too. But... I think it's something I would not want you to be there for. My parents are not nearly as open-minded as yours, and I do not want to spark any arguments that would inevitably affect our relationship. So... I will talk to them myself. I hope you don't mind."

"I don't", Makoto said and shook his head. "I completely understand, but if you  _do_ think I should be there, just send me a text message and I'll come over. Most parents probably aren't as accepting as my parents are, and I really do feel lucky because of it. But I also feel bad for you. I hope things go well." He gave Rei's hand a comforting squeeze, but it didn't really help to relieve his stomach ache.

 

* * *

 

Makoto walked Rei back home, and they said goodbye just around the corner of his house. Wrapped in Makoto's arms, Rei felt like he could stay like that forever and never let go. It was his safe zone, a place where he knew nothing could harm him. He liked to imagine a time where they could have all the time in the world just to themselves, not having to worry about school, families and just being together as much as they wanted. It was probably a very far-fetched idea that wouldn't come true, at least any time soon, so he quickly disregarded his fantasy.

"Tell me how it goes, okay? I'm on your side... well, of course I am. I know you want to do this by yourself, but like I said — call me if you want me to be there with you and I'll be here as soon as I can."

"Okay", was all Rei managed to say in response. Makoto kissed him again before letting him go, and they went their separate ways. Only hearing the hammering of his heart in his ears as he walked in, Rei steeled himself. "I'm home", he announced as he walked into the hallway.

He was surprised to find that the house was empty. Maybe this was for the best, though. Rei decided to take the coward's way out and write a note addressed to his mother. If his father found it instead, at least Rei wouldn't be around for the rage that was inevitably going to erupt.

As much as he was ashamed about having to ask Makoto, he knew he didn't have much of any other choice. If he asked Nagisa, he would have to explain the whole thing to Nagisa's parents, and he didn't know them well enough to tell if they were going to react like Makoto's parents or be the complete opposite. Not wanting to take the risk, the only option left for him was obviously Makoto. His parents might not approve of them sleeping in the same room, though, which was where the problem came in.

Suddenly feeling like he was in a hurry in case his father came home, Rei quickly made it into his room, opened his drawers and started throwing clothes into his sports bag. If Makoto's parents wouldn't let him stay at their house, Rei would just simply have to check into a cheap hotel for a while. Gladly, he had quite a bunch of savings in his account he could use — sure, it wasn't what he thought he'd use them for, but what else could he do at this point?

When he was done packing down his clothes, toiletries and other necessities, he quickly scribbled down a note before going out into the hallway again.

" _Mother,_

_I know you will not be pleased with what I have to tell you. And I am sorry I had to take the cowardice way out, but I see no other way, and you will soon understand why. I have been wanting to tell you this for a while, but I did not know how to. I told you I went to see Makoto-senpai earlier today, and I told you he was my friend. I lied; he is not just my friend. I am dating Makoto-senpai, and I am gay._

_I did not know how to tell you this in person, so this is my only other option. I am sorry I disappointed you, but I cannot hide who I am anymore. I will not be staying at home for the time being as I know father will be anything but happy with this. I hope you understand, and I hope you still consider me your son despite all this._

_With love,_

_Rei_."


	12. Resolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graduation comes closer and closer for Makoto, Haruka and Rin, who all have big decisions to make about their future. Rei hides out at Makoto's place in fear of meeting his parents, and they get some visitors.

_Makoto_.

 

Lying down on his bed, Makoto's mind wandered all kinds of places. He was worried about Rei, knowing very well his parents might not take the news the same way Makoto's had. He hoped for the best, but knew that it probably wasn't anywhere near enough to help Rei in this situation. He understood Rei's parents as much as he  _didn't_ ; sure — they were very conservative and their beliefs were against same-sex relationships. But at the same time, if it was about their son, why couldn't they at least learn to accept it? There were lots of things Makoto so badly wanted to ask Rei's parents, but knew he wouldn't in a million years even dare of doing so.

He didn't have much time to think before his phone rang, and he fished it out of his pocket. Surprise hit him as he saw Rei's name show up on the display.

"Rei?" Makoto said upon answering the call. He sat up quickly, his head full of questions.

" _Makoto-senpai, I'm sorry to have to ask you this, but... can I come stay with you for a while?_ "

"Huh? Rei... what happened?"

A weird feeling gathered in his stomach, and he pressed the phone against his ear, holding onto it as if his life depended on it. Had Rei's father reacted badly to the news? Was Rei hurt, was he okay?

"Do _you think your parents would be okay with that?_ "

"Of course, I mean... yeah, but why—"

" _I can tell you when I come over. I will be there in five minutes. I'm sorry_."

Makoto didn't even have the time to tell Rei he didn't have to be sorry before the other hung up on him, and he sat with his phone in his hand, dumbfounded. He was shocked, but also terrified. Was he going to be opening the door to find a badly beaten up Rei on his doorstep? Was his father violent? Makoto didn't know a lot about Rei's parents other than the fact that they were very diligent and sometimes strict people who both worked in highly respected fields. Of course they wouldn't take too kindly to having a gay son. Makoto felt bad for Rei, not having the same kind of open-minded and kind-hearted parents that he had.

When the doorbell rang, he jumped off his bed and ran out into the hallway. His parents barely had time to react before he yelled he'd take it, and he almost yanked the door off its hinges as he opened. Rei stood in front of him, and Makoto was incredibly relieved to see he wasn't hurt anywhere. He took Rei in his arms, closed the door behind them and let out a sigh. "Rei, are you alright? What happened?"

"Don't worry, Makoto-senpai, I... I didn't talk to them directly. I left a note since no one was home when I came in, and I know I just cannot stay there when they find it. Especially father. If your parents are not okay with me staying here, that's fine, I can—"

"Rei-kun?"

Makoto's mother showed up in the hallway, and Makoto looked at her. "Is it okay for Rei to stay with us for a while?"

She frowned slightly in confusion. "Of course, but are things okay? Rei-kun, what's happened?"

"I wrote a letter to my parents telling them about... about me and Makoto-senpai. I know they will not take kindly to it, which was why I left the house. I am afraid to stay there—"

"Does your father hurt you?"

The sudden and very direct question sent a chill down Makoto's spine. He didn't know the answer to it himself as he'd never seen Rei have any bruises or other injuries, and he did see Rei in practically nothing several times a week during swim practice. Well, abuse came in different forms, and Makoto shuddered at the thought of his boyfriend being psychologically abused by the people who were supposed to love him.

Makoto felt Rei shake his head, still in his tight embrace. "He does not. But... I am afraid he  _might_ have done so, had I been around when he found out."

The two separated, and Rei almost immediately bowed down, bending at the waist. "I am so sorry for being an inconvenience and imposing on you, but I ask for your permission to stay here for some time. It will not be indefinite, but it all depends on how things go with my parents."

Makoto's mother still looked a bit concerned as she chewed on her bottom lip. "Well, I really don't mind if you stay over, that's not the issue, but... how will you know how your parents think if you aren't talking to them? Sorry if this is an odd suggestion, but maybe we could talk to them? And by 'we', I mean Jun and I. I don't think it'd make things better if you were there as well."

Rei furiously shook his head. "Please, I do not think that would make this situation any better. While I do appreciate the suggestion, I do not think it would work."

"What will you do instead?"

"I don't... I don't know", Rei confessed, and lowered his gaze.

Makoto felt bad, because he knew how much this must hurt for Rei, and how difficult it probably was for him to ask this of Makoto's parents in the first place. He was never one to ask for something that would really benefit him and he always thought about everyone else before himself. The two of them were strikingly similar, and most of the time, Makoto would find it almost cute, but in this case it just made him feel bad, because what he saw in Rei, he saw in himself, too.

"Tell you what — I'll let you think about it for a day or two, and let you calm down a bit. I really don't think you should just let this be, because it'll hurt everyone in the end. Mostly you, of course. And since I can see how important you are to Makoto, I don't want you to get hurt."

Rei didn't seem to happy with the suggestion, but he nodded anyway.

 

* * *

 

After a very awkward talk with Makoto's mother about the two of them not being allowed to sleep in the same bed and that she trusted Rei to sleep in the guest futon, the two of them were excused to go up to Makoto's room and get things ready for the night. Makoto took the futon out from the hallway closet and carried it into his room where Rei was sitting on the floor, taking out some stuff from his sports bag. He got up as soon as Makoto came in, and helped put the futon out on the floor.

"Sorry about that earlier", Makoto said with an awkward smile. "Standard procedure, maybe. I mean, I wouldn't know since... er, you're my first."

Rei's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I am?"

"Yeah."

He smiled back as they'd finished putting on the sheets and covers, sitting down on the now made futon. "I did not know that. You are my first too", he finished with a blush colouring his cheeks.  _Ah, he's adorable_ , Makoto thought to himself, and his smile grew wider.

Before they went to bed, both Makoto and Rei took some time studying since they both had upcoming tests and homework. Having initially tried helping Rei with his English homework, Makoto soon had to give up due to his lack of English skills. He felt ashamed as Rei's senior, as he should have at least a  _little_ more knowledge. Even though Rei told him it was fine, it was still a blow to his "seniority" not being able to help Rei with just a few grammar exercises.

Having decided he was done for the night, Makoto stuffed his books back into his backpack. "Do you want to take a shower first?"

Rei looked up from his book, and it took him a few seconds to reply; Makoto guessed it was because he was still completely immersed with his homework. "Oh, er... you can go first. I still need to revise a little more before I can consider myself done."

"Alright", Makoto said. "Don't fry your brain, though. If you're not done when I come back, I'll have to take your books away from you."

"Mmm", Rei replied, and Makoto knew he wasn't listening anymore. He shook his head as he walked over to plant a kiss on top of Rei's head before he headed out and to the bathroom. It had been a long and very odd day, and he was really looking forward for it to be over now.

He didn't take more than five minutes in the shower, and was therefore not too surprised that Rei was still sitting with his nose down in his book when he came back. He sat down next to Rei on his futon as he dried his hair with a towel. "Rei, the bathroom's free now."

Rei flinched. "Ah, Makoto-senpai, I didn't notice you coming in."

"I told you not to overwork your brain", Makoto said and tried to sound stern, but knew he failed. Rei smiled apologetically. "Sorry. Okay, I'm going", he said and finally closed his books. Satisfied, Makoto smiled and got up on his feet again to hang up his towel and get into his pyjama trousers. Rei disappeared out of the room, and Makoto laid down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. It had been a long and weird day, and Makoto knew it must've felt a lot worse for his boyfriend.

He didn't want to push Rei, but Makoto knew at the same time that he'd try and procrastinate this for as long as he could. Rei was usually better at handling confrontations than Makoto, and he was also less afraid of conflict. But since this had to do with his parents, Makoto was sure his boyfriend would do anything to stall it for an indefinite amount of time. He'd probably still handle things much better than Makoto would ever hope to do if he was in Rei's shoes.

While Rei was in the shower, Makoto went through his notes one last time before bed. He'd just finished his career path questionnaire, which he'd hand in the next day in school. He'd been putting it off for a while, since this whole thing with Haru made him less inclined to realise his dream. Even if they weren't talking anymore, Makoto still felt like he had to tell Haru about his plans since they were already in motion. Well, he should probably talk to Rei about them first.

As he came back from his shower, Rei got changed into his nightwear as well. Makoto inhaled deeply before opening his mouth. "Rei, there's something I want to talk to you about. It doesn't have anything to do with your parents", he added as he noticed the change in Rei's movements, as if he was preparing to flee. Rei turned around to face him, a slight expression of fear on his face. "What is it, Makoto-senpai?"

He sat down next to Makoto on his bed, and as much as Makoto wanted to look away, he didn't. He steeled himself for Rei's reaction. "I've... decided what I want to do with my future."

"Okay", Rei said slowly, as if he was expecting the worst, and it didn't really help to ease the growing ache in Makoto's belly. "What have you decided on?"

"I want to study at a university in Tokyo to become a swimming coach for kids."

Makoto exhaled now that he'd finally said it, and he half-averted his gaze from Rei as he'd now gotten too scared of looking directly at him. Having this talk with Haru would most definitely not be much easier, but he wondered if he'd ever get the chance to do it before he had to leave. They were just two months away from graduation now, and the third-year students all had to start applying to universities. Makoto had gathered information on a few, but he wanted to attend Gakudai in Koganei the most.

"Oh. Well, that's a good thing", Rei said with a little smile and took Makoto's hand. Makoto, confused, frowned a little. "Aren't you angry?"

"Why should I be?" This time, Rei looked confused, too. "I think it's a good thing you've found something you want to do. And I don't want to stand in your way or hinder you from doing what you want, and what makes you happy. I'm happy for you, Makoto-senpai."

"Really?"

"Yes", Rei assured him and smiled, but Makoto still felt bad about it. "But I'm gonna be at least an hour away by train. We won't really be able to see each other that often."

And on top of that, of course Makoto would have a lot of studying to do. This was one of the many reasons as to why he didn't really want to go through with it at first. He'd only just recently started dating Rei, and their relationship wasn't stable yet to the point where they'd easily be able to handle being in a long-distance relationship. He was terrified of losing Rei now that he was finally able to call him his boyfriend, and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep Rei for long if he moved to Tokyo.

"I know. But I can still come and visit you during weekends", Rei replied.

"That's going to be expensive... I don't want—"

"Makoto-senpai, are you saying you think it would be impossible for us to continue dating if you moved to Tokyo? I would gladly try my best to make things work. It sounds like you think it isn't an option if you are to move."

A knot formed in his stomach. It wasn't that he doubted Rei, but he doubted himself. He knew he was very prone to get sucked into studies and forget about the world outside of it, and Rei would very well become a victim of it once it started. Makoto didn't want to subject Rei to that kind of treatment as he knew Rei definitely deserved the best. And he wasn't sure that with him being in Tokyo and studying more frequently than he was, that he'd be the best option for Rei.

But if Rei said he wanted to try, he didn't have a reason to be against it. They'd learn to work on it together, and do their best to balance social life, their relationship and school to the point where it didn't get stressful and too much for them to handle. With a little bit of newfound hope, Makoto smiled. "I'm sorry. It's not that I don't think we'd be able to make it... I definitely want to try if you do, too. I just don't want you to suffer, that's all."

"Well, even if I am, or even if you are — it is something we both have to work on. Right?"

"Yeah." Makoto pulled Rei in for a tight hug, and he exhaled a sigh of relief into the other's hair, making him giggle.

"That tickles."

"Sorry. We should probably go to bed, don't you think?"

"Yes."

While it was tempting, Makoto didn't want to risk anything by either letting Rei sleep in his bed, or by him sleeping beside Rei on his futon. He quickly disregarded the thought before he got too tempted; he didn't dare test his parents' trust in him now that they'd actually let Rei sleep in the same room as him.

Makoto shut off the light by the foot of his bed, and then kissed Rei quickly before the both of them crawled under their covers. It felt weird like this; last time they'd slept close to each other was when they shared the tent last year during their training camp. It definitely hadn't been anything like this since neither of them had ever really hinted at liking the other, much less said anything about it.

So Makoto definitely felt a bit tense, and in a way — he was relieved he wasn't sleeping next to Rei now since he knew Rei would easily be able to both hear and probably feel how hard his heart would be beating in that scenario. He was conflicted; one side of him was glad they slept in different beds while the other really wouldn't mind it. Maybe they'd get a chance to do that during prefecturals in a few weeks? Well, that was if they actually qualified.

Obviously, swim practice had been lacking recently for the whole team in general — mostly Haruka who hadn't even attended — so they weren't sure if they'd even be able to participate in prefecturals. It was a bit sad to think about, considering it was his and Haru's last year, but at this point there wasn't really much to do anything about it since Haru still refused to talk to Makoto and everyone else in the club. Probably even poor Nagisa who didn't have anything to do with this whole thing to begin with.

"Rei? Did you fall asleep?" he whispered.

"No, not yet."

"Okay."

"Is something on your mind, Makoto-senpai?"

He bit his lower lip in hesitation of answering that question. Rei must've been beyond tired of having to listen to him worrying about Haru by now, and he felt bad about almost making Haru a part of their relationship. Haru had nothing to do with it, he was just Makoto's best friend.

 _Was_.

"It's nothing big. I guess this whole thing with graduating and soon going to university. I'm a little worried, and nervous."

"Are you thinking about Haruka-senpai as well?"

Of course he was. And no matter how hard he tried to lie, Rei would be able to figure it out without even blinking. "Yeah", he confessed. "Sorry. I feel bad for always talking about him with you, and I try not to."

"It's okay. I don't blame you and I don't think you are _always_  talking about him, so please don't worry. It is completely understandable, after all; Haruka-senpai is your best friend, right?"

"Y-yeah", Makoto forced himself to say even though he knew it probably wasn't even remotely true anymore. He wondered if they'd be able to become friends again at least before graduating, but it was probably a very far-fetched dream, knowing he wasn't even able to get a hold of Haru in the first place since Haru avoided him like the plague.

Makoto turned over to the side to face Rei, and he smiled, genuinely this time. "Thanks for being so patient with me. Probably not the best way to start off a relationship, huh."

Rei smiled back and shook his head. "It cannot be helped. Not every relationship is the same. And that's a good thing. I... I am glad I at least have you." He finished with a blush, and Makoto couldn't help but smile even wider.  _He's too cute_.

"Likewise, Rei. Let's try and get some sleep so we won't oversleep and miss class tomorrow.

"Okay."

"Good night."

"Good night, Makoto-senpai."

 

* * *

 

"You guys have probably already figured this out, but you won't be participating in prefecturals. I'm not signing you guys up, because for one, you're not quite up to level yet, and second— well, you probably know why. We need four members, and we only have three."

Sasabe looked regretful having to deliver these news to Nagisa, Makoto and Rei. And it was a very anti-climactic way to end his three years at Iwatobi, but Makoto wasn't one to complain. These past two years with the team had been amazing, and they'd gotten so far it was almost hard to believe sometimes. He was glad for what they'd achieved and experienced so far, and considered himself lucky to have been part of it all. It was all thanks to Nagisa that it all happened in the first place, and it was also thanks to Nagisa that they all met Rei.

It was all thanks to Nagisa that Makoto met and fell for Rei. He felt bad for never properly thanking his childhood friend for this, and made a mental note to do so. There were times where he felt like he let Nagisa's efforts go unnoticed or at least not having acknowledged them, and Makoto felt like he was possibly the worst friend one could ever have. Nagisa had been one of the big reasons as to why he was able to still smile sometimes even though there wasn't much to smile about.

"But aren't you at least a  _little_ frustrated, Mako-chan? I mean, this would've been your last chance at winning a medal for Iwatobi", Nagisa said as the three of them came out of the locker room after swim practice. Makoto shrugged and smiled vaguely. "There's nothing we can do about it. It's fine, really."

Nagisa looked like he was about to say something, but didn't. Instead, Rei was the one to talk. "When do you usually have dinner, Makoto-senpai?"

Makoto was a little confused by the question, but quickly remembered that Rei lived with him now. At least for a bit. "Around six. Are you going home to Nagisa's?"

"He's gonna help me with my maths homework. I... haven't really made any progress", Nagisa admitted with a little smile. Makoto shook his head and laughed. "You're lucky to have Rei help you, then. Be good now, Nagisa."

Nagisa pouted. "Okay,  _mother_."

As he walked home, Makoto thought about Nagisa and how he'd unwillingly become a victim of this whole situation with Haru, himself and Rei. Nagisa had always been understanding, patient and more than willing to help with anything if he could. For the most part, there wasn't really anything he could do, and Makoto understood very well how frustrating that must've felt for his friend.

He really needed to repay Nagisa's many favours somehow. Nagisa had convinced Haru to start the club in the first place, and Makoto couldn't even imagine what he and Haru would have done if Nagisa hadn't come to Iwatobi in the first place. Would they have joined another club? Makoto might have, but Haru probably wouldn't, since just starting up the swim club was considered too much effort at first.

His head was full of thoughts when he walked in through the door, so full to the point where he even forgot to announce his arrival like usual. His mother met him in the hallway and looked at him with a quizzical look on her face. "Makoto, you're supposed to say 'I'm home' when you walk in through the door. What if I mistook you for a burglar?"

Makoto blinked in confusion before he snapped back to reality. "Ah, yeah... I'm sorry. I'm home."

"Welcome back", his mother said, still not looking completely convinced. "You have a visitor waiting in your room. Don't worry, he hasn't been here for too long."

"Who is it?" Makoto asked, his confusion now replaced with curiosity. His mother just smiled at him. "Go see for yourself."

A bit nervous but strangely enough also a little hopeful, Makoto walked up the stairs to his room and tried to ignore the fact that his heartbeat had sped up, but to no avail. He took a deep breath before opening the door to his room, and his jaw literally dropped when he saw who was sitting on his bed.

"Rin?"

"Hey", Rin said with a little grin from where he sat. "Welcome back."

"Th-thanks", Makoto replied, puzzled, as he walked in and closed the door behind him. "It's rare to see you here. Is something wrong?"

Rin shot him a pretend-hurt look and snorted. "What, I can't just come and see you? We barely see each other as it is."

When Makoto didn't reply, Rin sighed, probably realising his attempt at a joke had failed. "It's not that I'm lying to you. I really did come to talk to you, to see how you're holding up."

"I'm fine", Makoto began as he sat down on the bed next to his friend, but Rin put his hand up to silence him. "You always say that, Makoto. You always smile, say you're fine and brush it off without ever really talking about how you actually feel. Because I know you're not always okay. Most times, yeah, probably — but sometimes I bet you're bottling up a lot of things inside. And I just wish you'd rely on Ha— well, at least  _me_ a little more. I'm here for you, you know."

Makoto wanted to protest, to say that Rin was lying, but he knew Rin was right, and that he'd be lying to  _himself_ if he said otherwise. It was true that he usually just tried to forget about whatever was bothering him since he wanted to prioritise the well-being of his family and friends, and while he'd promised both himself and Rei that he'd try to change that and think about himself a little more... it wasn't easy.

He sighed and realised how shaky his voice had gotten. "It's not... it's not that easy. I'm not used to just blurting out my innermost thoughts; I feel like I'd just be a bother."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you, you're not a bother. I'm offering you support", Rin said before he placed a hand on Makoto's head and pulled it towards his shoulder. "I know I said earlier that I 'have' to be around for both you and Haru since neither of you can solve problems on your own... but I kind of  _want_ to, as well. You're my best friends, you know?"

Makoto closed his eyes to try and prevent tears from falling, but it was too late. They fell, one by one down his cheek, and soon enough he was full-out crying, sobbing against Rin's shoulder.

Rin sighed. "See, this is what I mean. You need more of this."

"More of w-what?" Makoto asked between sobs.

"Letting your feelings out. Even if you're not really talking about them, it's at least something. I kind of knew you probably hadn't come completely clean to Ryuugazaki about this, so I figured I'd give it a shot."

"I haven't. I want to, b-but at the same time, I know he must be so incredibly t-tired of me babbling on and on about H-Haru. He says he  _isn't_ , but I don't know h-how much truth there is in that."

Speaking was incredibly exhausting when he was sad and crying, so Makoto decided to leave it at that. Knowing Rin right, he probably understood anyway. He was secretly glad that Rin came over just so he could let all of these bottled up feelings out. Rin was one of the few people he felt he could do this with, and probably Haru as well — but probably not  _about_ Haru, that'd just be weird. Well, that was if they were still friends.

"Is he... is he doing okay, though?"

"Yeah, I suppose. I mean, I can see he's not quite himself, but he's doing okay considering the circumstances. He still hasn't moved back home, though, and it's... really starting to irritate Sousuke. We kinda had an argument about it the other day."

Makoto lifted his head off Rin's shoulder. "Really? I'm sorry, this—"

"Isn't your fault, Makoto. He's just being so damn stubborn, is all."

A buzzing in his pocket made Makoto jump. It wasn't a text message, someone was calling him. He managed to fish his phone out of his pocket, and his eyes widened as he saw the caller's name on the screen.

_Haru calling. Answer?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gakudai = Tokyo Gakugei University.


	13. Liberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto might finally have luck on his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay! I've been without internet here at home for about three days, and let me tell you... that was tough. I don't even have internet on my phone since I'm out of credit, and I'm in Sweden on a British phone card. It would be very expensive to use internet, that's for sure.
> 
> Thank you so much for 80 kudos!

_Makoto_.

 

"What the hell are you doing? Aren't you going to answer?"

He was still staring at the screen in shock, nervousness and disbelief. They hadn't talked since that one time at the Samezuka halls of residence, and before that... well, Makoto had lost count of how many days it'd been. And now this? It almost scared him; maybe it was someone else calling from Haru's phone? His parents, maybe? They might've returned, and maybe something had happened to Haru—

"Makoto! Jeez, I have to do everything for you, don't I?!"

Rin snatched the phone out of Makoto's hand before he even had time to come back to reality. "Hello?"

Makoto stared at Rin, not quite sure what to think or how to react. Now was the worst possible time to be temporarily paralysed, and he snapped out of it far too late. How was Haru going to react when he heard Rin on the other side instead of Makoto? Would he be mad? Would he think that Makoto kept coming to Rin and telling him all about the things that were — or, rather,  _weren't_  — happening with Haru?

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry to surprise you like that. Do you wanna talk to him? Well, of course you do, why else would you call? Hang on a second." Rin handed over the phone to Makoto, cocking his head in its direction. "Here."

He took the phone from Rin and realised just how much his hand was shaking as he did so. Trying to calm himself down if even just a little, Makoto took a deep breath before answering. "H-Haru?"

" _Makoto, I... can we meet? And talk?_ "

His words got stuck in his throat and he had to desperately fight to get them out, to respond to Haru. This still felt surreal to Makoto, and had to resist the urge to pinch himself in the arm. "Yes. Yes, of course. When, where?"

" _Come to the park behind our old elementary school. I'm going over there now. Is that... okay?_ "

"Okay", Makoto replied, still very much in shock and not quite capable of grasping what was going on. "Yeah, I'll be there."

He hung up, and Rin's eyes were on him immediately — Makoto thought they could've easily burnt a hole in the side of his head if such a thing was possible. "So?"

"We're going to meet in the little park behind Iwatobi elementary. Pretty soon, apparently."

Rin got up from the bed. "Well, what are you sitting there for? Go. I'm gonna go visit Gou since I'm in Iwatobi anyway. Just go, don't be an idiot and sit here like you're waiting for the world to end. You have an opportunity, so take it."

"Did you talk him into this?"

It slipped out of Makoto's mouth before he could even consider whether to ask it or not. Rin stared at him in disbelief. "Really, you think I'd do that? No, I wouldn't force him to do anything. I'd just yell at him and tell him he needs to do something, but I wouldn't explicitly  _force_ him. That just makes it all insincere, don't you think?"

"I— I guess", Makoto replied and looked down at his hands. He sighed and got up from the bed, too. "I should probably go. Sorry you had to leave so soon, Rin. But... thanks. Really, I mean it. I'm glad you came."

The corners of Rin's mouth pulled up into a wide, sharp-toothed grin. "No problem. You know I'd do a lot for you guys, right? I mean, you're my best friends and all that. Now go, or I'll have to kick you out myself."

Makoto managed a laugh. "Yeah, yeah — I'm going."

 

* * *

 

Makoto's heart felt like a ticking bomb just about to explode as he walked up to the gates of Iwatobi Elementary. He didn't visit the area very often, so it felt odd to be there again after all this time. It was strange, almost as if time had stood still on that very school yard for all those years. Memories of the days he'd spent there came rushing back to him and made it a bit difficult to breathe. Mainly because most of the memories he had from elementary school involved Haru.

 _Haru_. It had been nearly two weeks since they last saw each other at Samezuka, but it felt like two months. Honestly, it wouldn't surprise Makoto if it looked like Haru had aged a bit since it felt like forever since Makoto had last seen him. He walked across the yard and towards the little park behind it, feeling like he'd pass out from nervousness at any moment now. Would Haru go and look for him if he didn't show up after a while?

As he approached the park, he saw the familiar figure of his childhood friend. He swallowed hard once before he walked closer. "Haru", he called out, and the other turned around.

"Hey", Haru said. Makoto noticed he had his hands shoved down the big pocket of his hoodie — it usually meant Haru was nervous. For some reason, it made Makoto feel a little better about it since he wasn't alone in feeling like this. It was awkward, and Makoto hated it. He hated that it had to be awkward between the two of them after all they'd been through during all these years. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Makoto bit his lower lip. This wasn't how he imagined things going with Haru. Why did things have to be so difficult? Why did it have to turn out this way? Couldn't they just live on like they used to? But then that'd mean Makoto would be oblivious to Haru's feelings, and Haru would have to go around and hold all of his thoughts and feelings to himself; Makoto didn't want that for Haru. So was this really inevitable, then?

"Listen, Haru—"

"I don't wanna hear it."

"What?" Makoto asked, confused. Haru shook his head. "I know you're going to apologise. You're not the one who's supposed to be sorry. You shouldn't have to be — _I'm_ the one who's sorry. I... said some terrible things to you. I didn't consider your feelings, and I'm.... I'm sorry, Makoto."

Makoto wanted to cry, that's how he felt. He wanted so badly to just take Haru into his arms and say that it was all okay, that he forgave him and that everything was fine.

But that was wrong, right? Of course, even Makoto knew that, even though it hurt to realise. Haru's anger towards Rei hadn't been justified in any way; Rei hadn't been in the wrong, nor did he really have anything to do with this. It was about Haru and Makoto, and sadly, Rei happened to end up in the middle and probably suffering the most out of all of them. Makoto felt an immense amount of guilt for having put his boyfriend through all this. He should've done something sooner, he should've tried harder to reach out to Haru and make this stop.

Maybe that'd end up for sure breaking off his friendship with Haruka, and that was something Makoto  _definitely_ didn't want. He didn't like the fact that he had to choose between love and friendship as he just wanted to be able to have both. Why was it so difficult? Why couldn't it all just be peaceful, why couldn't they all get along? Makoto didn't want to ignore Haru's feelings, of course, but he wished there was just some way they could all get past this and move on as friends, and with Makoto still dating Rei.

 _In a dream world, maybe_ , Makoto thought bitterly to himself.

"I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I didn't notice anything before; I didn't mean to take you for granted and ignore your feelings."

"Are you even listening? You don't have anything to apologise for. I just... I want to be friends with you again, like old times. This... feels wrong."

 _It does_ , Makoto thought to himself. It  _was_ wrong. They were supposed to be friends, almost attached by the hip, always together. It wasn't supposed to be like this — the two of them being distant, not seeing each other, not talking, not being friends.

"Then let's try", Makoto said, almost begging at this point. "Remember what I said before? It's useless if you're not there, Haru. I want to be your friend, I really do. I'll... I'll do anything. Just don't let this die."

Haru closed his eyes, furrowing his eyebrows and looking like he was in pain. Makoto had to fight back the urge to run up to Haruka and take him in his arms; he knew that was probably the worst thing he could do at this moment when things were still so fragile and could break at any moment, at even the tiniest wrong move or wrong word uttered.

"I can't just be with you like nothing's happened, because that'd mean it's all a lie", Haru began. "And it's not. You know how I feel, and I don't want to rewind time just so we can be friends and I'll continue to always bottle up my feelings. I don't want that."

Makoto wasn't used to Haru talking this much, and especially not about his feelings. He suspected Rin to have talked Haru into this, and he wasn't sure if he were to be happy or angry about it. Because if it were true, it would mean Rin had to some degree forced Haru to do this. Would that make Haru's words insincere?

"I don't want that for you either, Haru", Makoto whispered with a broken voice. "I want you to be happy. Just say what you want and need and I'll do it."

"But I want you to be happy, too, Makoto. Don't just think about me, think about yourself!"

"I will be happy, as long as you are. If you being happy means me still getting to be your friend and dating Rei, then that's more than good enough for me."

Haru flinched, and Makoto knew he'd struck a nerve. He had to make himself clear; he wasn't going to break up with Rei just to be Haru's friend. He knew that this could very well mean the end of their friendship, but he knew that he was in the right to demand this. After Rin's talk, he'd come to realise this, which wasn't something he would've ever thought of otherwise. So maybe Rin's meddling with both himself and Haru was a good thing.

"I need some time to adjust", Haru said with finality in his voice. "And I won't be hanging out with you  _and_ him at the same time."

Makoto's eyes widened. "So... does that mean...?"

"Yeah."

To prove the honesty in his words, Haru walked closer and eventually put his arms around Makoto, who didn't even dare to breathe as this was happening. His heart was nearly beating out of his chest; he was so happy, so relieved that this was finally happening. He was glad it sorted itself out somehow, and even if maybe it wasn't the most desirable outcome, it was still a very positive one.

 

* * *

 

"I can't believe you walked in on them", Makoto said and laughed a little. It felt good to laugh with Haru again; he'd really missed it.

"Yeah... Yamazaki's still not very happy with me", Haru replied.

They were sitting on the swings in the park, having talked for a while. They talked about all sorts of things, like what Haru had missed in school, the swim team's future absence at prefecturals, and Rin's relationship with Sousuke. Haru had found out about it as well, but not the same way Makoto had, as he'd accidentally walked in on them making out on the top bunk.

"I can see why. Well, I think you were bound to find out in some way or another anyway, and I think he knew that, too. Even Rin."

"Yeah. I just wish I didn't have to see them... do that", Haru said with a shudder that had Makoto laughing again.

"Sorry you got unlucky, Haru. Hey... there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about. It's... kind of a big deal, and I've hated having to put this off."

Haru frowned a little, appearing concerned. "What is it?"

"It's... about what I want to do after graduation."

"Oh. Well... okay, what is it?"

Makoto inhaled deeply, bracing himself for Haru's reaction. "I'm applying to universities in Tokyo. I'm going to study in order to become a swimming coach."

Haru raised his eyebrows, and Makoto was sure this would spark yet another argument, but was about to be pleasantly surprised. "Really? Wow, I had no idea. That's great, Makoto."

"You... you think?"

"Yeah."

Makoto finally exhaled, a sense of relief overcoming him. "Have you decided what you want to do?"

"Sort of", Haru said. "I'm gonna try and go pro, start really caring about times and all that stuff. I really do wanna swim, and this feels like the right thing to do. So I'm gonna look for a coach to help me get better. Maybe one day I'll be entering tournaments around the world", he finished with a small laugh, which made Makoto feel light inside. He loved seeing Haru happy again after all this time, after all they'd been through.

Makoto couldn't help but laugh again. "I'm so glad... I'm glad you found a dream, Haru. It's... it's gonna be a little difficult for us to see each other, huh?"

"I guess", Haru said. "But we won't know until we try. I'll probably be around Tokyo anyway, so we won't be too far apart."

Silence fell upon them, but it didn't feel awkward for once. Makoto enjoyed his company, watching the sun set beyond the buildings in the distance and listening to cars going by. It wasn't often he actually took his time in appreciating his surroundings, and he knew he had to really do it now before he eventually moved to Tokyo. He was fairly certain he'd move, even if he didn't get into his first choice, his good grades pretty much guaranteed him a place at one of his choices, at least.

"There was one more thing", Makoto said after a while. "We... kind of need to decide what we wanna do with the team. When we graduate, I mean."

"Why? What do you mean 'what to do'?"

"Well, I mean — we're the captains, right?"

" _You_ are", Haru corrected him, and Makoto smiled. "Yeah, yeah — but you're the co-captain, right? In any case, we won't be here next year, and—"

"You want for us to decide on who takes on the captain role next year", Haru finished for him, and Makoto bit his lip. "Yeah."

It was a tough decision, and Makoto knew it would be impossible for him to make it on his own. Nagisa had been the one to technically start the club since he was the one to constantly pester Haruka about starting the swim club in the first place. He'd been the one to recruit Rei and complete them as a team, opening up their opportunities to grow as a team and get to places they probably couldn't have gotten to had it only been the three of them.

On the other hand — Rei had come to them after having quit the track team, not at all knowing how to swim but still being very willing to learn. He'd trained harder than anyone else, trying to catch up to the others and never losing hope. It was one of the many things Makoto really admired Rei for, and probably one of the things that made him fall for his boyfriend.

"I probably don't have to ask who you'd want to be the captain, huh", Haruka said, and Makoto averted his gaze. "I don't really know, actually. I think they both deserve to be the captain for different reasons, so I can't decide. I don't wanna be biased."

Haru sighed. "Yeah... I know. Well, if you want to make Nagisa the captain, then do so. If you want to do it the other way, then that's fine. It's not like it's gonna fall apart or anything just because we're not running it anymore."

Makoto felt a faint sting of pain in his chest when he realised Haru was avoiding to use Rei's name. It was probably to be expected, and he knew he'd have to give Haru time to adjust to these things. Patience was a virtue, and for the most part, Makoto had plenty of it.

"I know. So you wouldn't mind if... if I asked Rei to be the captain?"

"... No. No, I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

Makoto felt like he had to ask a hundred times if it was  _really_ okay. He was trying his best not to be biased, and of course, Nagisa deserved to be he captain of the Iwatobi swim team as well, with him having started it all and making this a reality. It was a tough decision, but one he really did have to take since he was the current captain and needed to hand over the 'crown' before he graduated.

"Yeah", Haru confirmed, and Makoto smiled a little. "Okay. I'll talk to them tomorrow or something. Are you... coming to school anytime soon?"

It was inevitable — he had to ask. He knew Haru's attendance was pretty bad, and that maybe he wouldn't actually be able to graduate if he kept skipping school. He knew why Haru was skipping, which was why he didn't really want to ask, but he knew he had to.

"I'll come in on Monday. Are we just gonna skip practice now because we're not going to prefecturals?"

Makoto shrugged. "I don't wanna skip out on it just because of that. I want to continue swimming even if we're not really swimming  _for_ anything. Besides, it helps me to stay in shape."

"Okay. I'll go, too, then."

Silently thanking the gods above, Makoto smiled. "Good."

 

* * *

 

It was a bit weird for him to announce the new captain to Nagisa and Rei all by himself since Haru was the vice captain, but he hoped it'd be fine nevertheless, and that Rei wasn't going to be too hurt by it. He was also hoping Nagisa wouldn't be too downcast by not getting the 'official' captain role — he'd still get to be the vice captain and the both of them would decide on pretty much everything together anyway, much like Haru and Makoto had done the past two years.

The three of them had gathered at Makoto's house that Thursday evening after school. It was still a little bit stiff between himself and Haruka, but Makoto knew it would get better in time. It was going to take time, but he was willing to give Haru all the time in the world just for the two of them to once again become the best friends they'd always been.

"I have something I need to tell the two of you", Makoto began, and his friends immediately looked at him with great concern colouring their faces.

"Is something wrong, Mako-chan? Is it about Haru-chan?" Nagisa asked, and Makoto smiled, waving his hands in front of him. "No, no — that's not it. It's nothing bad, I promise. I just wanted to tell you who Haru and I have decided to make the new captain once we graduate. It's... it's you, Rei."

A moment of silence fell, and then Rei opened his mouth, ever so slowly. "Are you sure? I mean... what does Haruka-senpai think?"

"Rei-chan..."

"He's fine with it", Makoto replied. "I asked him and he said whatever I chose would be fine with him. I'm sorry, Nagisa. You're still going to be the vice captain, and I hope you're not too disappointed with that position."

Nagisa shook his head furiously and smiled. "No, I'm glad! I don't think... I could really be a captain, anyway. I don't think I'm suited for it. So I'm glad Rei-chan got it!"

Rei still looked like he couldn't quite believe what he'd just been told. He stared down at his hands, not saying a word, and Makoto wondered if maybe Rei didn't actually want to take on the responsibility of becoming a captain for his team. Maybe he found it too heavy a burden?

"Rei... is everything alright? Maybe you don't want to be the captain?"

Rei looked up. "That's... not it, Makoto-senpai. I'm just worried that maybe Haruka-senpai is just saying that to avoid any further arguments with you. I know he isn't too fond of me right now, so it just seems odd that he would just agree to this. Not that I'm not flattered — of course I am. I would do my best to try and gather new members and keep up the same level, if not a higher one, than you took us to. But I cannot help but be worried about Haruka-senpai."

Makoto sighed. "I promise you it's fine. He told me several times he's fine with it. And I know that he might not seem too happy with you right now, but... he still considers you a friend, Rei. I know you probably don't believe me, but he does. Haru just finds it difficult to be around the two of us at the same time right now. Let's just be patient, okay? I'm sure he'll come around and eventually hang out us all again."

"I understand", Rei said after some contemplation. "Then I will gladly take on the role as Iwatobi's team captain, and I am honoured you would choose me to do it."

Makoto laughed a little. "Rei, you don't have to be so formal about it. But I'm glad you wanted to do it. And of course, Nagisa will be around to help you, right?"

"Of course!" Nagisa chirped. "Although I'm sad you and Haru-chan are leaving, I'm kind of looking forward to seeing what kind of members we can gather. It'll be fun!"

"Yes... you're right", Rei replied, and Makoto knew the club was in safe hands. Not that he ever doubted it would be, since the two of them truly loved being part of it and always did their best so that the team would go as far as possible.

After Nagisa had joined them for dinner, he went home. The three of them had been playing with the twins all evening, and they were finally starting to get tired. Ran and Ren had taken quite a liking to Rei, going as far as calling him "Rei nii-chan", which Makoto found incredibly endearing. He was glad his siblings liked Rei, and even more so that Rei really liked them.

He'd always had a pretty good relationship with his siblings, and he was sad he'd soon have to leave them when going to study at university. Of course, there were options for him to study in Iwatobi as well, but he knew his chances of getting jobs would be bigger in Tokyo as there would be far more opportunities there. So even if it was going to be difficult leaving his family behind, Makoto knew he had to do this for his future and for his dream.

Having showered and gotten into his nightwear, Makoto crawled under his duvet and let out a deep sigh. It had been a weird and somewhat mentally taxing day, but he was still glad it happened. He was incredibly thankful to Rin for steering things in the right direction and giving not only himself but also Haru a little push to settle things between them. He knew Rin must've been beyond tired of seeing his best friends like this, and Makoto felt guilty for having dragged him into this mess.

Rei closed his notebook before he stuffed it into his bag, and then turned to Makoto. "Er, Makoto-senpai... Are you really sure about Haruka-senpai being okay with this?"

"With what?"

"Well... the captain thing. I guess I still can't believe he would just agree to it. It  _is_ a big decision to make, after all." _  
_

Makoto sighed. "Come here."

Confused, Rei frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Sit next to me."

A little hesitant, Rei sat down on Makoto's bed, and Makoto placed Rei's head on his shoulder. "Listen, Rei... Haru doesn't hate you. You may think so, and it may seem like it sometimes, but trust me — he doesn't. He actually feels indebted to you, since you were technically the one to reunite him with Rin and all. Didn't Rin tell you something similar?"

"He did", Rei agreed, and Makoto nodded. "And it's not just that. Haru actually does value you, not only as a member of our team but as a friend. He just... has difficulties with this thing. With having feelings for me, and dealing with the fact that I belong to someone else. It's not your fault."

Rei exhaled slowly before taking Makoto's hand. "I know, you have told me so a few times. I just really don't want to do something that will inconvenience Haruka-senpai."

"Yeah, I know. Which you're not, by the way. Just give him some time and he'll come around. I probably shouldn't be the one to tell you this since I have difficulties with it myself, but I've decided I'm going to give him all the time and personal space he wants and needs right now. Because I'm fairly sure that if I do, and if I'm patient, he'll come back. Maybe things won't be the same as they were before, but I don't mind as long as we're still friends."

It was something he'd had to come to terms with in just these past two days or so. And yes, it was difficult, but Makoto was prepared to do pretty much anything just to make sure he didn't completely ruin his friendship with Haru. They were still on thin ice, but at least they were still friends, and that was a good start.

"Okay", Rei replied, and Makoto knew that was the end of that conversation. He understood Rei was still struggling with believing in what people told him regarding Haru and this entire situation. Not that Rei didn't trust others, that wasn't it. He just didn't believe in himself as much as he should have, and his lack of self confidence came in the way of him accepting what he was told.

"Hey, Rei... Sleep here tonight. With me, I mean."

Slightly panicked, Rei lifted his head off Makoto's shoulder and shook it fervently. "No, no — I can't! What about your parents?"

"They won't come in, I promise. They'll be gone before we wake up, and they won't bother coming in just to check on us."

"... Okay", Rei said, and he pouted slightly. "But I'm blaming you if your parents ask."

Makoto laughed. "Sure."

With his arms embracing Rei, Makoto felt himself slowly getting sleepier. Feeling the even rhythm of Rei's heartbeat against his chest, he honestly felt like this was the happiest he'd been in several years.

"Good night, Makoto-senpai", Rei mumbled, and Makoto had to suppress a laugh as his boyfriend's words were just a string of almost incoherent mumbles.  _He must be really tired_ , he thought to himself.

"Good night, Rei", he replied before he kissed Rei on the top of his head. Soon enough, he felt himself drifting off to sleep, and he knew that tonight, he was guaranteed not to have any nightmares as he had Rei in his arms.


	14. Graduation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the captains of Samezuka and Iwatobi to graduate and pass on their missions to the second — soon to be third — year students.

He walked through the corridors, hands in his pockets and eyes looking out the windows he passed by. Two girls were standing outside one of the classrooms, they were apparently his seniors. He couldn't help but eavesdrop, but really — it wasn't his fault the two of them were standing out in the hallway talking loudly.

"How did it go for you?"

"I passed, but just barely..."

"Well, that's a good thing! It was our last exam, too, so we won't have to worry about anything anymore."

One of the girls laughed. "You mean until the university letters start coming in the mail."

"Oh, yeah. Of course."

Rei didn't know if he was supposed to be jealous of the third year students or just relieved that he wasn't going to be in that position any time soon. He still had another year to go at Iwatobi alongside Nagisa and Gou, and for now, he felt grateful for it. It had gone two years, and he knew he wasn't anywhere near ready to let go of it all just yet. He had lots of things he wanted for the swim team to achieve in the coming year and he was hoping he'd be able to steer the team in the desired direction as their new captain.

There was no denying the fact that it would be difficult without his seniors, though. Rei didn't have any experience with leading a team and wasn't sure if he'd be good enough for the role, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to try. It was something he  _wanted_ to do, to honour the previous captains and do his best to continue the work the two of them had done for the past two years. He felt indebted to them for all the things they'd done for him, and he was going to try his best and repay the favour by not letting their endeavours go wasted.

He walked towards the lockers and opened his to change into his regular shoes. It was a sunny and very hot day out, and he was glad that the walk to Makoto's house wasn't long. Oddly enough — at least to Rei — he'd gotten pretty much used to living at Makoto's house now. He got along well with both Makoto's parents and his siblings. Almost  _too_ well, it was a little scary sometimes. Almost like they'd become his second family.

Rei thought about his parents a lot. He wondered if they were even the slightest bit worried about him, wondering if he was okay, how he was doing in school... or maybe they weren't thinking about him at all? Maybe they'd already stopped considering him as their son?

 _I really should talk to_ _them_ , Rei thought to himself, sighing as he walked over to Makoto's locker.

But how? It would be far too risky just walking in through the front door — what if he met his father? Of course, he knew he had to talk to his father about this, too, but not when it was just the two of them. He almost regretted not having taken up on the offer Mrs. Tachibana had given him. It would probably just make things worse by involving people who didn't have anything to do with it in the first place. Rei was terrified of having Makoto present during the discussion, but felt that maybe it was necessary, after all.

"Ah, Rei — you're already here!" Makoto's voice called out to him, and he turned around.

"Hello, Makoto-senpai. Are you all done for the day?"

"Yep", Makoto said before giving Rei a quick kiss on the forehead, sending a pleasant shiver through his body. "Now all I have left is to clean out my lockers and... well, graduate. Feels weird."

It felt weird for Rei, too. He still didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he'd have to spend his entire third year at Iwatobi without Makoto or Haruka there. But things didn't last forever, and this was just another one of the many changes Rei would have to accept. He'd just have to make the best of it — and besides, it wasn't like they would completely disappear. They'd still be there, just not in the same club or at the same school.

"Are you nervous?" Rei asked, and Makoto pondered for a bit. "I don't think so. At least not right now, maybe it'll come when I'm actually at the graduation ceremony, when it's literally right in front of my eyes. It'll probably hit me full-force and I'll get all stuttery."

Rei smiled. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

"I hope so. Shall we go?"

They walked home while talking about the last days of the year and what they'd do during summer. Makoto obviously had to do some planning for his possible — and very likely — move to Tokyo, while it was going to be just another ordinary summer for Rei. He hoped he'd at least be able to spend  _some_ time with his boyfriend during the summer, but he knew he couldn't be too sure as moving would take a lot of preparing, planning and work.

"Makoto-senpai?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you not... nervous or sad about leaving Iwatobi? I mean, your family and all of those things."

Makoto smiled sadly. "I am. I'm sad to leave all of you behind, but... I know it's something I have to do. Even though sometimes I tell myself that maybe I should just stay so I can be around you guys for a little longer."

"But you shouldn't", Rei said quickly. "I don't want to hold you back and for you to stay in the same spot forever when you have potential to go anywhere."

It was difficult, and it hurt to realise this — but Rei knew he had to. Makoto wasn't supposed to just stay put; he was smart enough to get very far in life, and that's what Rei wanted for him. He wanted the best for his boyfriend and didn't want to become a hindrance, so he'd do anything he could in order to not drag Makoto down or slow down his learning- or growth process.

"Thank you, Rei", Makoto replied and took his hand, which made Rei flinch. "P-people might see us", he whispered, but Makoto didn't let go.

"It's fine, it's just for a little bit."

Rei thought about protesting further, but quickly decided not to. He understood Makoto was a very affectionate person and wasn't really afraaid of showing it. Of course, Rei was much like that as well, but he was embarrassed about being public about it in fear of people staring at them and judging them.

Was that because they were both boys? Would it have been different if Rei had dated a girl, would he feel different about holding hands in public? He didn't know, but he didn't care to find out since he already dated the guy he'd had his eyes on for such a long time now. To think that it all worked out in his favour was still a bit strange, and even though there had been a lot of difficulties with dating Makoto, he wouldn't have traded it for anything else.

They had barely even opened the door to the house before they heard the thundering footsteps of Ran and Ren, who came running straight towards Rei.

"Rei nii-chan!" they both exclaimed, and Rei smiled. "Hello, Ran and Ren. Have you had a good day at school?"

"Yeah!" Ren said and nodded furiously, looking up at the bespectacled teen with a beaming smile before suddenly frowning. "We got lots of homework, though."

"That's too bad. Do you need help?"

"He'll never learn if you keep helping him, Rei", Makoto said and laughed. "He'll probably get help from Ran, anyway."

"No way!" Ran exclaimed, sounding like she'd been accused of something. "Even if I help him, that still won't teach him anything. He always relies on me."

"I do  _not_!"

"Yeah, you do!"

"Do  _not_!"

Rei smiled at the twins bickering; he found it quite adorable in a way. He knew they got along well, but there were obviously times where pointless arguments like these blew up. He and Makoto snook past them to take off their shoes and properly enter the house, and met Makoto's parents just on their way out from the living room.

"Oh, hey you two. Welcome home", Yuiko said. "Sorry about the twins' behaviour."

"We're home", Rei replied almost automatically. It really had become a habit living there, hadn't it? He always felt a little awkward about it since it had to be a little difficult on Makoto's parents, especially since the two of them were dating and living under the same roof, let alone sleeping in the same room. In a way, despite the awkwardness, he was grateful they didn't make a big fuss out of it.

"How was your last day of class?" Yuiko asked as they'd taken off their shoes and walked inside, and Makoto sighed. "We still have a few days left in school", he said.

"I know, I know — but it was your last day of  _class_ , wasn't it?"

"Well... yeah. It was fine, just getting a bunch of exam results back. I got eighty-six per cent on my history final, by the way."

Yuiko put her hands together and smiled widely. "That's wonderful! You've worked very hard this past year, I'm so proud of you."

Seeing this display made it hurt a little in Rei's chest. He thought of his own parents and how much he missed them. He knew it was risky going back home, but he couldn't stay like this forever. He couldn't keep taking advantage of the Tachibana hospitality like this, and he couldn't run away forever, either. Even if it was risky, Rei had to go back sooner or later. Whether it'd be alone or not, he had to talk to them and properly face them about this issue. As for when that would be was a different issue.

"Rei, you seem a bit down. Is something wrong?"

Rei sat on his futon and took out all of the unnecessary school papers from his bag. He flinched as Makoto called out to him and silently cursed himself for once again being so transparent. He couldn't lie to Makoto, and he didn't want to keep things from his boyfriend, either. "It's just... I think I'm going to talk to my parents. I can't keep living like this, taking advantage of your family and running away from my problems."

Makoto sat down next to him with a light sigh. "So that's what's been bothering you. Well, I  _would_ say it's a good thing, but at the same time I'm worried for your safety if you were to tell them. I know you don't like this idea, but I really want to go with you. Please? I'm not going to say anything unless it's  _really_ necessary, and unless you want me to. I want to be there with you to help them understand and to try and get them to accept us."

Fidgeting a bit, Rei looked down at his hands. "I don't want you to get involved, Makoto-senpai."

"But I already am — I'm your boyfriend, after all. I know you're worried about them maybe not liking me if I stand up to them or argue with them, but I really want to be there with you and let them know how I feel, too. We're two in this, aren't we?"

He bit his lip and closed his eyes with a frown. "Yes. Of course we are. Okay, you win. When do we talk to them?"

 

* * *

 

 **Nagisa-kun** :

_Today?! Wow, that's very soon. Are you nervous?_

**You** :

 _Yes, I am. Mostly because I don't want Makoto-senpai to see what will inevitably happen when we tell them_.

He sighed and put his phone down so he could knot his tie. It was Friday and their last day of school. The third years had their graduation that day, too, and Makoto had been running all over the house that morning trying to get his stuff together before he left. Their graduation started two hours before Rei and Nagisa had to be in school, but Rei didn't stay in bed despite being able to. Well, he had the opportunity, but it wasn't like he _could_ go back to sleep.

 **Nagisa-kun** :

_I think you'll do okay. Mako-chan's there with you, and they like him, don't they?_

**You** :

 _Well, at least they used to. I don't know how they feel about him after having revealed that I'm actually dating him_.

Rei didn't know, and not knowing scared him since anything could happen. He still wasn't completely okay with Makoto going with him since he didn't want for Makoto to find out what his parents were really like. They were very different when they were with people who weren't family, and Rei guessed Makoto would get to see that side of them very soon. Luckily, Rei still had the majority of his things at Makoto's house and could run off there in case things went really bad.

All he wanted was for the two of them to be happy, to be able to be in a relationship without having to hide anything from people around them. Obviously, their friends knew, but he wanted for his family to know and most importantly be okay with it, too. It was a dream Rei found unrealistic, but since Makoto wanted to try, he decided he should try and keep the little sliver of hope he had left.

 **Nagisa-kun** :

_Think positively! I'll see you soon, okay?_

It felt a little weird being home alone at Makoto's house. Jun had left first, as early as seven. Then followed Makoto and the twins, and last Yuiko, who had told Rei that it was fine and that he just had to think about locking the door when leaving. He didn't have his own key; she just left her key with him. Having his own key to Makoto's house was something that would  _definitely_ make Rei feel odd, since he was still pretty much a guest, even if he'd lived there for a while now.

Rei met Nagisa at their usual meeting spot ten minutes to ten. All they had to do that day was get their grade certificates and say goodbye to the teachers and their classmates for the summer. After having done that, they were finally going to see the third year students graduate, and for some strange reason, thinking about it made Rei nervous. He thought about being in that same spot in a year from now, and how he was going to have to say goodbye to his classmates and teachers for the last time.

Their own little "last day ceremony" didn't last long, as Rei had expected. People gathered the last things they had in their desks, cleaned up the classroom and emptied their lockers. It didn't feel any different from the last day before summer when Rei attended elementary school, but he kept thinking about Makoto and how it must feel for them having to leave Iwatobi High forever after that day. He wondered how he'd feel on this day in a year from now; if he'd feel sad, relieved or indifferent.

"Rei-chan, are you okay? You're spacing out."

"Ah... it's nothing", Rei said, turning to face Nagisa. They were now walking down to the school yard where they'd get into the crowd and watch the third years graduate. The weather forecast that morning had said they might get rain, but thankfully it seemed like they got lucky. Rei had brought an umbrella with him just in case they were to get rain, but now it just became a bit of a burden to carry around with him, and he was pretty sure it made him look stupid hauling it wherever he went.

"It doesn't _look_ like nothing", Nagisa replied with a pout, and Rei smiled. "I was just thinking about how it'll be for us next year when we're in their shoes. I think I would be scared if I was there now."

"Yeah, me too", Nagisa confessed, looking up at the podium where some of the graduating students would hold speeches soon. Makoto had been offered to hold one of his own, but had refused in the end. He'd never said why, but Rei figured it had to do with him being nervous in front of large crowds. Rei was the same, and he was pretty sure he would decline such an offer if it came to him as well.

More people gathered in the crowd in front of the stairs where the graduates would soon stand, and soon enough — the third year students came in. Rei almost immediately recognised Makoto as he was rather tall, and his heart started beating violently in his chest as he watched his boyfriend stand in the front, ready to receive his diploma, ready to graduate and leave Iwatobi behind.

 

* * *

 

"Congratulations on graduating, Makoto-senpai, Haruka-senpai", Rei said as they finally reunited with the now former Iwatobi students. Rei felt incredibly nervous around Haruka, and at first, he wasn't sure if it was okay for him to give Makoto a congratulatory kiss. He'd even been hesitant on just congratulating Haruka since the two hadn't spoken in a long time. But as Nagisa nudged him in the side, urging him on and probably reading his mind, Rei hesitantly moved forward and planted a quick kiss on Makoto's cheek.

"Thank you, Rei", Makoto said and pulled him in for a proper kiss, which made Rei a little uncomfortable. Thankfully, all of the parents had already left, but it was still a bit embarrassing to do these things in public despite the absence of adults around them.

Especially around Haruka.

Rei looked down, scraping his foot against the ground, and cleared his throat. "When are we going over to Rin-san and Yamazaki-san?"

Makoto looked at his phone before stuffing it back into his pocket. "In about an hour, they should finish up around this time, too. So we should get going — I really don't wanna go there dressed like this."

"Yeah", Haruka said, and it was probably the first thing Rei had heard him say since the last time they'd met. He was scared of even just looking at his former upperclassman, so he did his best to avoid eye contact in order to prevent any possible angry comments or even fights. This entire situation was so incredibly uncomfortable that it made Rei tempted to say he didn't feel well and would just stay at home, but this was an important day for all of them, and he wouldn't want to miss it for anything in the world despite the tension lingering in the air.

Makoto and Rei went home to quickly change into casual clothing before meeting Haruka outside his house. The three of them would then go to the train station and meet Nagisa before boarding the train to Samezuka Academy. Rei sat down on his futon with a sigh and watched Makoto  wrangle his way out of his dress shirt, revealing his defined back muscles. Rei swallowed hard; sometimes it was incredibly difficult to hold back when having such an attractive boyfriend.

Said boyfriend must've noticed Rei's blatant staring, because he turned around and smiled. "Is something wrong?"

"A-ah, no, it's... it's nothing", he stuttered, feeling his cheeks burn. Makoto shrugged and turned around again to pick up a t-shirt he'd picked out that morning. "If you say so."

Rei wished the two of them could just get one day to the two of them, without anyone interrupting, with nothing for them to worry about. These past few weeks had just been filled with studying and trying to get good grades on finals, leaving them little to no time for romance or... anything else for that matter.

The closest they'd ever gotten to do anything past kissing was that one way too embarrassing thing Makoto had initiated a while ago. Just thinking about it made Rei want to hide his head under a pillow, but it also caused a strange, tingly feeling inside him that told him he wanted to do it again. He felt conflicted and almost dirty for having such thoughts, and even though he tried his best, those thoughts were hard to get rid of.

"Shall we go?" Makoto said, and Rei jerked his head up, snapping out of his daydreaming. "Yes, let's", he said, and the two of them exited the room.

They met Haruka at the bottom of the steps leading up to his house, and the three of them walked to the train station together. Makoto and Haruka were making casual conversation on the way, talking about their graduation, their plans for the future and other things. Rei, on the other hand, stayed quiet and just listened. Not that he'd have anything to say on the subject as he wasn't in the same boat as them, but he was also obviously scared of engaging in a conversation with Haruka.

The train ride was rather silent, though. Rei spent the time looking out the window, watching the scenery go by and thinking about how he probably wouldn't go this way again since Rin was moving to Australia soon, eliminating their reason for visiting Samezuka in the first place. He'd miss Rin a lot; Rin had been a great friend this past year, helping him with a lot of things and being incredibly supportive. Rei knew he owed his friend a lot, but he didn't know how to repay the favour. And soon it was going to be too late when Rin flew halfway across the world, too.

As they got off the train, Rei felt a light tug on the hem of his shirt, and he turned around, confused. Haruka stood behind him, and Rei's heart skipped a beat. "Y-yes?"

"Rei, can I... talk to you?"

The unexpected question stumped Rei, and a small crease appeared between his eyebrows as he frowned slightly in confusion. It wasn't that he was confused as to  _what_ it was Haruka would want to talk to him about — he knew that much — but  _why_. Why now, all of a sudden? Maybe he'd been persuaded by someone, and Rei doubted it was Makoto's doing. Probably RIn, then.

"Yes... of course", he replied, and stopped walking.

"Hey, you two — we're gonna be late", Makoto called over his shoulder, apparently not having heard anything. Rei's eyes flickered between the two of them before Haruka cleared his throat. "It'll be fine. You can go on ahead if you want, Makoto. Tell Rin we'll be there soon."

"Why— oh", Makoto said as he turned around to realise what was happening. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I'll tell them you'll be there a little late. See you soon."

The look Makoto gave Rei before he turned around to walk up to Samezuka said something along the lines of "good luck, I'm glad for you", and Rei felt a little better. Well, who knew what Haruka was  _really_ going to talk to Rei about? Maybe he was going to start an argument? Rei found it unlikely after all that had happened recently, but the ridiculous thought stuck to the back of his mind anyway.

When Makoto's out of hearing range, Rei turned to face Haruka, trying to feel determined and not scared. He clenched his fists in an attempt to do so, and exhaled slowly. "What is it you want to talk about, Haruka-senpai?"

Haruka frowned, but it wasn't in frustration or irritation — he looked bothered, maybe even a little nervous. "Okay, listen, I'm— I'm not good with these things. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You didn't deserve being treated that way, you didn't have anything to do with it. I'm... not angry at you for dating Makoto."

"You're... not?"

"No. If anything, I guess I'm just jealous. But I've had some time to think, and I want us to be friends again. If you want to", Haruka added, and Rei had to fight to keep his jaw from dropping. This wasn't anything he would've ever dared even  _dreaming_ of happening. And of course he wanted to be friends with Haruka again, he wanted for the two of them to be able to be around and talk to each other like they used to. And although it wasn't much, at least it was more than what they had now, which had been nothing up until this day.

"Yes, of course I want to. I... I am glad you want that, too."

"Good." Haruka smiled, and it was so rare to see, which made it all the more special. Rei smiled back, and having made up and become friends again, the two of them walked over to the Samezuka halls of residence together. Rei knew that it wasn't going to be magically back to normal after this day — it would take time, but at least they'd gotten it all sorted out. It was a step in the right direction, a step Rei was so relieved they could finally take after all this time.

 

* * *

 

"Apologies for being late", Rei began almost as soon as Rin opened the door, causing the sharp-toothed redhead to laugh. "Don't worry about it, Makoto told me you'd come a little late. Everything okay?"

"It's fine", came Haruka's voice behind Rei, and Rin's face took on an expression of understanding before he broke out into a wide grin. "Good, everyone's here. Jeez, even Nagisa came before you guys."

"Hey, that's mean, Rin-chan!"

Rin smiled. "I'm glad you guys could come, though — it means a lot to me."

He sounded emotional, and Rei thought of how everyone had always talked about how easy it was for him to cry. But he didn't, and instead kept a determined look on his face. The one who  _did_ get emotional was Nagisa, who practically threw himself over Rin, immediately starting to cry like a little child. "I'm gonna miss you, Rin-chan!"

Laughing, Rin patted Nagisa on the head. "I'll miss you guys, too. I'll be back in Japan during Christmas and every summer as well. Plus, we always have Skype."

It didn't stop Nagisa from crying, and Rei smiled a little. It was sad to realise that things were going to change drastically over the summer between all of them. Rin was moving across the planet to pursue his dream of swimming professionally, Makoto was moving to Tokyo to study at university. Sousuke was moving back to Tokyo for university studies as well, and it turned out that he and Makoto had one university in common among their applications.

Listening to their plans made Rei feel like they were almost growing apart from him and Nagisa, getting distant and that they one day might not have time for them anymore. Their lives were all going to be vastly different soon, and he was scared that Makoto wasn't going to be able to spend as much time with him as he wanted. Of course, university studies came first — but he wondered how difficult it would get for them to keep their relationship alive.

Despite the slight feeling of sadness and fear of being left behind, it  _was_  kind of nice to spend time with everyone like this, even if it was probably going to be the last time they did so. Rei had never liked big changes, so even if he was having a good time, the sad thoughts still clung stubbornly to the back of his mind the entire time. It felt like he hadn't gotten enough time to spend with them; and in a way, it was true. But as they were older than him and Nagisa, it was inevitable that they'd one day graduate and go onto do bigger things.

"Oi, Rei — are you alright?"

It was Rin who poked him in the side, causing him to flinch. The others had split up into smaller groups, some probably sitting out in the common area while Nagisa, Sousuke and Gou had occupied the top bunk bed and were strangely enough playing cards. It was a ridiculous but also kind of cute display. Rei also got to see Sousuke's "not-just-grumpy" sides for once, which he definitely hadn't expected before coming over.

"Oh, I'm— yes, I'm fine. Sorry, I have a lot on my mind right now. I didn't mean to be a grey cloud on your last day in Iwatobi, Rin-san."

"It's fine!" Rin replied with a smile. "I guess it's kinda expected? I mean, for all of us... there's obviously a lot going on for everyone now. So how are things going with you and Makoto?"

Rei blushed. "It's... going well, I suppose. We are... well, we are going to talk to my parents today. About us."

"Really?" Rin raised his eyebrows in surprise, but then frowned slightly in concern. "Do you think they'll take it well?"

"I don't know. But I know I have to, and I don't want to keep running away from my problems."

"I hear you. Well, good luck. I know I said you two didn't seem like a very... likely couple in the beginning, but I was wrong. You're really good for each other."

The comment made Rei feel a little warm inside, and he looked down at his hands. "Thank you."

 

* * *

 

As Rei probably should've expected, there were lots of tears shed once everyone had to leave. Mostly from Rin, and this confirmed for Rei what everyone had constantly been talking about earlier. Sousuke didn't seem surprised, but he couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Seeing the way Sousuke looked at Rin made him feel a little jealous and wanted to one day be like that with Makoto, too. They'd been dating for about two months now, and obviously their relationship still wasn't quite stable — but he still couldn't help but be envious and want the same thing with Makoto.

It wasn't something he was going to admit to his boyfriend, though.

"Promise to s-stay in touch, Rin-chan", Nagisa sobbed into Rin's shirt, and Rin managed a "mm-hmm" as a reply, albeit a shaky one. They'd all hugged a few times now, and it was really getting to the point where they had to leave. Rin had to get in bed early since he had an early flight, and they didn't want to take advantage of Sousuke's and Rin's hospitality much longer. Besides, the two of them probably wanted some privacy since it was their last night together, at least while in Samezuka.

There was no rest for the weary, however. Makoto and Rei took the train back to Iwatobi with Haruka, Gou and Nagisa, but said good-bye to them at the big crossroad just a few minutes away from Haruka's and Makoto's houses. Their next destination was Rei's house, and when they'd said goodbye to the other three, Rei felt his heartbeat speed up to the point where he struggled to breathe.

Makoto seemed to sense his nervousness as he took Rei's hand when they started walking. Rei wanted to do this just as much as he  _didn't_ , and he was terrified of letting Makoto see the side of his parents that they didn't show to outsiders.

They reached Rei's house and stopped outside. Rei looked up at it; he hadn't been there in a while, and it felt strange. It almost felt like he was just visiting someone, and not coming home. Truth to be told, he was starting to consider this his home less and less. Home was a place where you were supposed to feel safe and like you could be yourself, and this house wasn't that place for Rei anymore.

"Should we go in...?" Makoto asked hesitantly. Rei clenched his free hand into a tight fist and nodded. "Yes."

Having walked up the stairs, Rei unlocked the door and took a deep breath before going in, Makoto following close behind him.

"Hello?" he said upon walking in, and it struck him how he didn't say  _I'm home_  like he usually did when walking in through the door. All the more proof that this didn't feel like home to him anymore.

A pair of footsteps were heard, and soon enough, Rei's mother emerged from the living room. She stood still for a bit, looking as if she didn't quite believe what she saw, but then her mouth formed a straight line.

"So you've decided to come back", she said, and the coldness and distance in her voice made Rei wonder if this really was his mother or just an impostor. Had he entered the wrong house? No, that wouldn't make sense — why did the key work, in that case?

"I came here to talk", Rei countered. "Is father here?"

"I am", came a darker voice, and in a few seconds, both of his parents were standing in front of them. He felt nauseous, but didn't want to show himself weak. "So this is the boy you are with."

"Yes, it is. I came here to tell you that this is who I am, this is who I am  _with_ , and I want you to accept it. I—"

" _Accept_ you? For such a disgraceful thing as being homosexual? You must be joking", Rei's father said, disgust evident in his tone. "No one in my family engages in these acts, it is unnatural and I will not stand for it."

"Why? Why can't you just let me be happy as I am? Would you rather see me unhappy with a woman, than happy with a man?"

"At least that would be  _natural_!" His father's voice was loud now, and no matter how prepared he was for it, Rei flinched at the sudden change of volume. He was mortified over the fact that Makoto had to witness this, had to see the true colours of his parents.

Why did it have to be so difficult to try and be accepted by your own parents? Weren't they supposed to support you through thick and thin? Weren't they supposed to accept your choices, even if they weren't completely okay with it? If this wasn't what family meant, then Rei had seriously misunderstood the concept from the beginning.

Taking a deep breath, Rei spoke again, but his trembling voice betrayed his calm exterior. "You say no one in your family. Does that mean we are not family?"

"We do not have a homosexual son."

Rei felt desperation grab a hold of him, and he took a step forward to his mother, his last chance at getting them to understand. "Mother, say something. Do you not love me for who I am? Am I really not your son?"

"I thought you were just told that we don't have a son who fits this description", she replied, and Rei's heart stopped beating. But then it was like everything went in slow-motion for a few seconds as he heard Makoto walk forward, and as he stopped in front of Rei's parents, Makoto, too, raised his voice.

"How  _dare_ you treat him like that?! I don't care what you say, he's your flesh, blood and DNA — he's your son! Are you disowning your own son because he has a preference for men?"

Rei grabbed Makoto's arm in a fruitless attempt at trying to get him to stop, to calm down, but Makoto wouldn't budge. There was something about Makoto in that moment that almost scared Rei, but it didn't seem to affect his parents at all. His father took a step towards Makoto, and before he knew it, there was a sound of flesh hitting flesh, and then a pained sound coming from Makoto.

"Makoto-senpai? Makoto-senpai, are you okay?!"

"Don't show yourselves in this house ever again!" Rei's father bellowed, and he shoved both of them out and locked the door. Rei didn't care about that anymore as he turned to focus on Makoto, who had developed a dark red spot on his cheek from where he'd just been hit.

"Ouch..." Makoto complained and squinted his eyes shut. "Well, that didn't really go well, did it?"

"Makoto-senpai, I'm so sorry, I—"

Makoto put his hand on Rei's shoulder and smiled weakly. "Don't apologise, Rei. I wanted to come here. Let's just go home, okay? I really need some ice for this."

 

* * *

 

After having tended to Makoto's sore cheek, the two of them were now up in Makoto's room, sitting in silence. Makoto's parents had been furious once they found out what had happened, and Rei didn't even have the energy to protest when both Jun and Yuiko had told them they would go over to talk to Rei's parents about this. Rei had a feeling there wouldn't be much talking, but he felt confident in the fact that his father probably wouldn't hit them since they were adults.

His father. Well, now that he'd been disowned, he didn't really have any parents anymore, did he?

Rei sighed and leaned his head back against the headboard of Makoto's bed. Makoto sat next to him with his head leaning against his shoulder, and they didn't say anything for a while. Not that Rei knew what he'd say in this situation but firing off a bunch of apologies he knew Makoto would just dismiss immediately anyway.

"Rei", Makoto said, breaking the silence. He turned to face his boyfriend. "Yes?"

"Move in with me in Tokyo."

"W-what? Wait, but—"

"I know it's an hour ride by train back to Iwatobi, but I don't want you to stay here when they're still here. And I want to be with you. We'll look for apartments together once the letters start coming in... hoping I'll at least get into one of the universities I chose. What... what do you say?"

Still in shock, Rei looked down at their joined hands. He wanted to be with Makoto more than anything, but moving in together? This soon? He was scared that taking this big of a step so soon could mean the end for them, but at the same time, he really wanted to try. It meant having to take a huge risk, and he was hesitant about taking it in fear of losing Makoto once they'd actually moved in together.

"I want to, but... I'm scared", Rei confessed.

"Of what?"

"That it might make things go downhill for us. We already had a pretty chaotic start to our relationship, and I just— I really want our bond to grow stronger. And I am afraid that if we move in together, it will cause problems between us. I... I don't want that."

Makoto laughed through his nose. "I know that's a risk, but I really want to be with you. And being in a relationship kind of involves taking risks. I think I'm willing to take it, because I really like you, Rei. I want to be with you, and I want to do everything for our relationship to continue growing stronger, too."

Hearing Makoto say that made Rei's heart flutter, and he couldn't help but smile a little. "Okay. I... I want to live together with you, Makoto-senpai."

"Really?!"

"Yes."

Makoto sat up straight and embraced Rei tightly, burying his nose in Rei's shirt before he realised the pain he was in, and he pulled back. "Ouch..."

"Are you okay?" Rei asked.

"Yeah. So... you want to live with me in Tokyo?"

"I already said yes."

The happiness glowing in Makoto's green eyes and shown in his sunbeam smile was contagious, and it took Rei about half a second to feel it, too. Even if they were to run into problems, they'd overcome them together. Rei vowed to himself that he'd keep the promise he made to Jun and Yuiko when they first talked to them when Makoto and Rei started dating. He was going to do his best every day to make sure he wasn't causing Makoto any emotional pain, and he was ever so slightly optimistic about it.

Things would work out for them, in time. Even if it took a while, Rei didn't mind it as long as he had Makoto by his side.

 

[ **to be continued in arc two.** ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and so ends the first arc of "Wrong Number"! I'm giving out a fair warning right now so you won't be too thrown off whenever I launch the first chapter of the next arc —  I will be writing it in present tense instead of past . I'm still trying to figure out which I like the most, but I think I prefer this the most as it's way easier to express myself for some reason.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading and please stay tuned for the next part of this series. I have no idea when I'll be able to launch it, but it might take a little while as I need to prepare it a bit more, and there's always uni work getting in my way as well.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [ radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat, too! I'm going to be using the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	15. New beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Makoto start over in Tokyo after some good news have reached them. Things are finally turning around for them, and it's something they both feel they've needed.
> 
> (Really, this chapter is just 75% smut. I needed to get that out of my system since they actually live alone now.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I really wanted to thank those who messaged me on Tumblr about this fic that I really didn't expect to get much attention at all. Thank you _so_ much for reading, leaving kudos and writing these nice comments that I can never properly respond to and fully express my gratitude. Just knowing people are reading this gives me enough encouragement to continue this story.
> 
> I hope you're as excited for this next arc as I am!

**Three months later: September**.

\-----------------

"Rei, do you need any help with that box? It looks kinda heavy."

"No, thank you — that's fine. Are you not tired yet, Makoto-senpai?"

Makoto smiles at him. "Not yet, no. I guess the excitement keeps me going."

The two of them go up the stairs with the last of their boxes. It's strange, because Rei has never moved before in his entire life — he's always lived in that house back in Iwatobi with his parents. Well, that was until just two months prior to this day.

He'd been thrown out, and he knew it was coming when he and Makoto had left after that argument, it really was only a matter of time before something like this happened. His parents had dropped off a few boxes outside Makoto's house, containing pretty much all of his belongings. It hadn't been easy on Rei to see them, and he broke down crying upon opening them and seeing it all, realising that he really didn't have a home anymore.

"That's not true", Makoto had told him at the time, embracing him as he tried to calm down. "You  _do_ have a home. With me. And we're going to move out into a new place that we can both call home. Right?"

It would be a lie to say that Rei isn't nervous — he definitely is. But at the same time, he's excited. The two of them are going to live together, just the two of them, in the big city of Tokyo. And even though Rei still attends high school in Iwatobi, he'll still live somewhere else. With Makoto. Just the thought of him causes a swarm of butterflies in his stomach. It's kind of intimidating to think he'll live on his own soon, but as long as he's with Makoto, he has a feeling they'll do okay.

When Rei is done with the last box, he lets Makoto help him sort out the contents and then carry out the bags with stuff he's going to throw out, leaving just three of the original six boxes left. He feels accomplished, having thrown out so much stuff that it pretty much cut his belongings in half. Most of it was clothes he can't wear anymore, and a bunch of trophies from his childhood when he was still doing gymnastics. Rei had decided that he wanted to leave his past behind him and move forward, and this was one of the things he really wanted to get rid of as it isn't in his interests anymore.

Thanks to his friends, Rei is now all about swimming; having gone from not being able to swim, to being able to successfully swim all four styles within the span of a year. And of course, now also being the captain of the Iwatobi swim team, he's really come far, and thinking about it makes him a little proud of himself. He wonders if he would've ever had the same success had he continued to stay on the track team instead. It's difficult to imagine now that he doesn't really care for it anymore, but it's just something he can't help but think about.

"That was a lot of work", Makoto says and exhales a sigh of relief as they're done. The two of them walk back into the apartment, having taken care of the last few things after Jun and Yuiko had left. Thankfully, they'd been able to take most of their belongings in Makoto's parents' car, but Jun was going to bring the rest of it the next day after work. Again, Makoto's really gotten lucky with his parents. He made a mental note to do something in return for them, like inviting them over for dinner or something.

"It sure was. Thank you for the help with sorting my things out."

"Don't mention it." Makoto puts his hands on his sides and looks around the apartment; walls still very much bare and the echo that follows whenever they talk. Knowing that this is all going to change soon excites Rei. "Maybe we should take a break here and get some food before we start unpacking, what do you say?"

The two of them decide to go out and explore the near vicinity of their apartment complex and look for some place to eat at. After a bit of convincing from Makoto, Rei agrees to go to the ramen restaurant just down the street. They discover that it's not very far from Makoto's university, either, and Rei has a feeling his boyfriend will be frequenting this place once he starts studying.

Not that he thinks Makoto is going to lose all the muscle he has; Makoto is very adamant about his ecercising and eating healthy for most of the time, but he knows that living as a student creates some limitations on the time you can spend on actually eating or preparing a meal, so fast food often ends up being the solution for students living on their own.

Rei has never really been into fast food, but he's had to give in whenever he's been with his friends — especially Nagisa — and they've had to go out and eat. He doesn't mind it every now and then, and he's really grateful it  _is_ just now and then and not every week or so. Besides, between the two of them, Rei is the one who has slower metabolism, so he knows that eating like this more often certainly wouldn't be good since he's still trying to maintain a fit body because of his swimming activities. _  
_

"This feels a bit weird, doesn't it?" Makoto asks when they're seated at one of the tables, both with a piping hot bowl of ramen in front of them. Rei looks at his boyfriend in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, just the two of us in such a big city. Well, not _just_ us, but... at least in this apartment. It's a huge change, isn't it?"

"Yes... it is", Rei says, and it's the first time it really hits him that they're here now. It's true that they haven't been dating for  _too_ long, but Rei feels like time doesn't really matter in their case as their experiences really have gotten them close. Besides, they'd known each other for some time before they started dating, too, so maybe that time counts as well. It's been quite a journey, and while it isn't over yet, this is a nice break they're getting. _A well deserved one at that_ , Rei thinks.

"But I'm excited", Makoto says before he picks up a fish cake from his bowl. "I think it'll be good. For the both of us, I mean. I know you still have one foot in Iwatobi and one here, but since you're living here now, things'll definitely be different. I just hope Nagisa isn't too mad at me for taking you away from Iwatobi", Makoto finishes with a laugh.

"You are kind of in the same boat, though, aren't you?" Rei asks, and Makoto raises an eyebrow before he goes  _oh_. "You mean my family? Yeah, I guess that's true. But it's not quite the same."

"I suppose so."

It's true that Rei feels a little sad about moving away from Iwatobi, even if he still attends school there. He doesn't live there anymore, and that's what's the biggest thing. Now Iwatobi isn't his home anymore, it's just where he goes just to go to school — and to see Nagisa, of course. And even if Nagisa has yet to complain about it, Rei is pretty sure Nagisa is at least a little bit saddened by this, too.

Nagisa rarely speaks up about anything he's upset about, and it concerns Rei. Nagisa always shows a cheery and happy exterior, but Rei knows there's a lot hiding beneath all of that; the Iwatobi team had seen some of it this past year when Nagisa had run away from home since his parents had wanted him to quit swimming. Eventually, things between Nagisa and his parents had been resolved, but Rei has a feeling Nagisa still holds something away from them that he doesn't want to talk about. And Rei isn't going to pressure his best friend into talking about it unless he really feels it's necessary.

Rei picks at the remaining contents of his ramen before he looks up at his boyfriend. "Have you... have you talked anything to your new therapist?"

It's a sensitive subject, and he wishes he didn't really have to bring it up — but since he's worried, he can't help but do it. Makoto's been going to see his therapist once every week, and now that they've moved away from Tokyo, he realised he wouldn't even be back in Iwatobi once a week due to university studies and other things. He's going to keep in touch with his family via Skype, so he doesn't have to physically be there too often.

Makoto looks up at him and flashes him a little smile. "I have. She seems nice, I think it'll work out fine. Besides, I don't really have to go as often anymore, so I don't think it'll be too bad."

"Okay", Rei replies, but he still can't help but be worried. He just doesn't want for Makoto to suffer and be unhappy; he doesn't really know just how bad things are for Makoto anymore, but he guesses that things like these take time to get over. Especially since that incident at the training camp they had last year. No matter what his friends have told him, he still blames himself for what happened. _  
_

 

* * *

 

They finish their lunch and start heading back to the apartment. It's a cloudy day in Tokyo and it looks like it's going to rain, so they decide to postpone the sightseeing to the next day instead. They still have another week before Rei starts school again, and just a few days after him, Makoto starts studying at Gakudai. And even though Makoto says he's not too worried about it, Rei can clearly see that he is.

Sometimes, Makoto has a tendency to just get lost in his own thoughts, not paying attention to what's going on around him or what people are talking about. It's one of those things that's always been a part of Makoto's behaviour whenever he gets nervous or worried, so of course, it doesn't escape Rei's attention.

"Ah, we should probably try and find a grocery store, at least, and get some stuff for tomorrow. The refrigerator and freezer's working now, so we can get some stuff in there at least", Makoto says as they're just a minute away from the apartment complex. Rei agrees to the suggestion and they start walking around the area to find a minimart or something similar. Which doesn't take long, thankfully, and they're able to locate a rather big supermarket within minutes.

It seems they have a lot of things close to them; like restaurants — although most of them are of the fast food kind — shops, small boutiques and a Seven-Eleven just across the road from the Gakudai campus. Back in Iwatobi, they have a minimart and a big supermarket aside from the small shops, but they're rather far apart, and they're the only places in town where you can get groceries. It's a small town, after all, so that's to be expected. Which is why this is so surprising to the both of them, having so many options available to them within a short walk.

Rei and Makoto buy a bunch of groceries, most of which will end up in the freezer, and head back to the apartment. Rei can't really shake off the awkward feeling, but he hopes that it'll wear off within just a day or so. He's excited for the change that's happening, even though it's a little scary. He wants to be with Makoto more than anything right now, and since this has finally become reality, he tries to enjoy it as much as he can despite the nervousness of it all.

"It's a good thing Mum washed the sheets and stuff before we left, because we can actually use them tonight", Makoto says as he takes the sheets, pillows and pillow cases out of one of the boxes. "I wasn't looking forward to sleeping on an air mattress, that's for sure."

Rei smiles. "I agree, air mattresses can be really uncomfortable."

It makes him a little nervous to think about the fact that they're going to be sleeping in the same bed from now on. The only time they'd done that was when both of them still lived in Iwatobi and Rei lived at Makoto's house for a short period of time. Other than that one time, they'd only slept in the same tent once, so this was going to be another thing Rei would have to get used to, and while he feels a little awkward about it, it's still exciting.

He wonders how long he'll be able to keep his hands off his boyfriend since it's just the two of them now and they don't run the risk of being caught by Makoto's parents, or anyone else, for that matter. Rei's been really tempted several times to give in to his ugly desires, but so far he's been able to control himself. Now that he's alone with Makoto, he's not so sure of himself anymore. Not that he'd ever do anything that Makoto wouldn't want, but he's pretty sure Makoto wouldn't protest.

It takes them about two hours, a lot of irritated mumbling and one very random make-out session in the middle of it (iniated by Makoto; Rei figures it was just because he needed a break... or a distraction) — but Rei and Makoto manage to assemble and make their bed before they start getting themselves ready to go to sleep. Using everything for the first time is exciting; Rei hasn't experienced this since he was very young, things like sleeping in a completely new bed, using the bath tub for the first time since moving in, walking on completely new tatami mats that the landlord had been nice enough to change before they came.

"Makoto-senpai, do you want to use the bath first?" he asks as he goes to grab one of the towels he'd packed with him, one he used to have at his parents' house. He tries not to think about those painful details, even if it's difficult. If he thinks about it, he'll see it everywhere, so Rei knows he has to train himself to forget. No matter how hard it is, he has to. Just like his parents had discarded him, he needed to forget and move on, too, for his own sake.

Makoto walks up to him with a towel around his neck and shrugs. "Why don't we go in together? I know it'll be a little cramped, but... I think it'd be cosy. Besides, it's the first time we're using it, too, and I think we should both introduce it... if that's what you'd call it."

Rei's cheeks flush red, and he looks away. "That's—"

"Why not? It's not like we haven't showered together before, or seen each other naked. Besides, it's completely normal for couples to do so."

He fidgets, still unsure about the idea. Yes, it's true that they've seen each other naked many times before in the showers back at Iwatobi, but this is completely different, just like the two of them sleeping together, and now it's even in the same  _bed_ and not just on two different mattresses pushed close together.

Makoto puts an arm around his shoulders and whispers hotly into his ear: "Besides, I think you have a beautiful body, Rei."

That makes Rei almost faint on the spot; hearing Makoto's deep voice purr into his ear and feeling the ticklishness of Makoto's breath. Rei is weak to Makoto's teasing, and he's sure Makoto knows it and that's why he's doing it. In a strange wai, Rei doesn't actually mind it. He likes the playfulness they sometimes have between them sometimes; it's not something he's used to and it's a nice change of pace in his life.

Eventually, Rei gives up and agrees to Makoto's suggestion. The two of them walk into the bathroom and start the bath water before taking a shower. At least  _this_ part isn't too awkward — it's the shower thing they've done a million times together already. It's the bath thing they haven't done, and the part that has Rei incredibly nervous. Even though he really wants to, there's one part of him that screams that he really  _doesn't_ and that this isn't like him. Maybe it isn't, and maybe he's changing. He's not so sure whether this change is good or bad, though.

Rei gets into the bath tub first, and he slowly sinks in, letting the hot water gradually warm up his body. Their bath tub isn't  _too_ small, at least for one person — but like Makoto said, it'd get a little cramped with two people. Rei's pretty sure he'll find it cosy, though, as soon as he gets over his embarrassment over the whole thing. Everything's still so new to the both of them, and the excitement of living together has only just settled in and probably won't disappear for a bit.

"Can I sit behind you?" Makoto asks as he starts to get in. Rei raises an eyebrow in confusion. "How? I mean... I guess I don't mind, but how would you—"

"Trust me, it's possible." With a hand on his back, Makoto pushes him forward a bit, slides down and settles his legs on either side of Rei. He immediately feels a blush explode in his cheeks, and he stares at the wall in front of him, which is still very bare. They haven't gotten to the whole decorating part of moving in yet, but Rei hopes they'll be able to fill the apartment with at least  _some_ things to make it look like they're actually living there.

He's used to having paintings, plants and other decorations all over the place, but he's very much aware that they won't be able to fit too much in their small apartment. Even so, he wants to make it a little more homely one day.

"See, I told you so. This is actually kinda cosy", Makoto says, resting his head on top of Rei's and taking his hands. "Are you comfortable?"

Well, as comfortable as two people can get in a one man bath. And then there's also Makoto's dick pressing against his back, which isn't really helping his nervousness. It's not hard, but it's definitely _there_ and that's all it takes for his Rei's heart to hammer uncontrollably in his chest. He exhales a shaky breath. "Yes."

"Good. Then maybe we can make this a habit, that'd be nice."

He looks at their joined hands just an inch below water level and ponders all sorts of things, half-slipping out of reality. To be fair, this entire thing doesn't feel quite real just yet, it feels like a temporary thing and that they'll soon both be back in Iwatobi, living with Makoto's family once again. Thankfully, reality looks a lot brighter than that, and he's glad things are finally turning around.

This past half year and a bit had been very rough and mentally exhausting, but it seems to finally turn around now that they're starting over in Tokyo. Next year, Rei's out of high school and is probably going into university as well. Like Makoto, he's almost certain he'll try and study in Tokyo as well, both because it's more convenient and because his chances will be bigger.

He's snapped out of his daydreaming when Makoto places a finger under his chin and turns his head to the side so that their lips can meet. It doesn't take much for Rei to get aroused as their kiss deepens, and Makoto slips his tongue past Rei's lips. A hand slowly strokes his side, travelling down to his abdomen. Slender fingers wrap around Rei's already half-hard length, and he finds it hard to breathe. It doesn't help that their bathroom is probably a million degrees at this point.

"M-Makoto-senpai..." he whispers, breaking their kiss, and Makoto smiles at him.

"I realised something. I'm not really your senpai anymore, so... couldn't you drop the honorific? Besides, I mean... we're in a relationship, right? It feels kinda weird, distant, somehow."

Rei flinches, and then his cheeks burn. He turns his face away so that he doesn't have to look at his boyfriend. "I can't just... stop calling you that. What else would I say?"

"How about just 'Makoto'? I mean, I call you 'Rei', so why not?"

"But that's different. You're older than me."

Makoto laughs, and his left hand settles on Rei's thigh. "I recall you not really caring about the whole age difference issue, though. Am I remembering things wrong?"

Rei realises Makoto's just teasing him now, and he pouts. "I can't just drop it like that, it feels wrong. But... okay, I'll try. You're right, we _are_ in a relationship, and it would be odd for me to call you that."

"Yeah."

The word is a mere whisper as Makoto once again pulls Rei's face closer for a kiss. Rei notices a slight impatience in his boyfriend, and it sets off a weird sensation in the pit of his stomach. A sudden rush of adrenaline drives him forward, making him a bit bold, when he decides to completely turn around and put his arms around Makoto's neck. Makoto follows along, wrapping Rei's legs around his waist, and Rei can properly  _feel_ the other now. He's surprised that it doesn't actually embarrass him just like it had just a few minutes ago, but that's probably the adrenaline talking.

Makoto slowly thrusts forward, rubbing their dicks together. Rei is almost painfully hard at this point, and he's very eager to do something about it. Gladly, the same seems to go for Makoto as well. Rei moves his hips in rhythm with Makoto's, and a needy whine escapes from Rei's throat. He pushes his hips forward, slowly starting to meet Makoto's rhythm, and as his breathing starts turning erratic, he realises something.

 _We're in a bath. It'll get dirty_.

He pulls away from their kiss, almost out of breath, and stops his movements, which earns him a confused look from his boyfriend. "Is something wrong?"

"Ah, no, it's just— we're in the bath." He hopes Makoto's going to understand the rest, so he lets silence fall between them. But a few seconds pass, and Makoto's still confused. Rei sighs. "I... I don't want to get the bath... dirty."

"Oh", Makoto says, finally understanding what Rei's trying to get at. He smiles a little. "Well... who says we can't continue this in bed?"

After getting out of the bath and pulling out the plug, they somehow make it to bed without stumbling all over the place, their lips never separating from each other. Rei's body feels almost too hot, and he knows it's not just from the bath water.

Makoto straddles him and hovers over him for a bit before he leans down and starts kissing Rei from his jawline and down; slowly, almost excruciatingly so, and Rei impatiently scratches Makoto's back with his almost non-existent nails. It's a good thing he keeps them trimmed, or he'd probably end up hurting Makoto if this becomes a habit. He's at least okay with one of the things currently going on to become a habit, that's for sure.

Feeling Makoto this close, skin to skin and nothing in between to prevent him from fully enjoying being like this with his boyfriend, it's something Rei's only been fantasising about up until this point. They're both still pretty warm from their bath, and it's very likely they won't be needing a duvet. _The less the better_ , Rei thinks as Makoto suddenly starts going further down, his kisses trailing from his chest and further down his abdomen. Rei can't help but flinch at the sudden development, and Makoto looks up.

"Ah, I'm sorry! I got caught up in the moment again", Makoto says with an apologetic smile. "Do you want me to stop?"

Rei looks away in embarrassment and bites his lower lip. He doesn't want Makoto to stop, secretly, but he also feels like he could sink through the sheets, bed and eventually the floor from how embarrassed he feels. He wants to move forward, for things to develop between them, but he's also terrified. Mostly because he's never done anything like this before, and he doesn't want to do anything wrong, do anything that Makoto might not like.

He squints his eyes shut and covers his face with his arm. "I don't... want you to stop."

"You don't look like you mean that", Makoto replies softly, and Rei shakes his head furiously, feeling his face heat up. "I don't, I promise, it's just— I don't want you to see my face."

"Why?"

"It's embarrassing. What if I make a weird face?"

Makoto laughs a little and crawls back up. He gently pries Rei's arm from his face and plants a kiss on his lips. "You can't possibly make a weird face, Rei. I like everything about you. If anything, it'd be cute. I don't want you to be embarrassed in front of me. It's okay if things aren't perfect the first time, that's actually completely normal."

Rei pouts, still being very tempted to put his arm back over his face, but doesn't. "How do you know? I thought I was your first. Also, are we going to... er—"

"No. Well, we  _can't_ really go all the way... we don't have any... protection", Makoto says, and Rei detects a very faint blush on his cheeks. "Even if you  _are_ my first, I want to be careful. And I don't have to have experience to know that one's first time doesn't have to be perfect. This isn't a film, after all."

Being able to relax ever so slightly, Rei slowly exhales. "Okay. Yes, you're right, I'm sorry."

"So do you want me to continue, or should I stop?"

Rei's pretty sure he's as red as a stop light, and he groans in embarrassment over having to actually say what he wants. Of course, he knows that Makoto can't read his mind for the most part, so he probably needs to be more vocal about these things. Not that it's easy, but he'll have to try.

"Don't s-stop", he says, and squints his eyes shut again, which makes Makoto laugh a little. "Okay."

Being completely exposed and naked like this makes Rei feel vulnerable, and almost wants to cover himself with the duvet or at least turn off the lights. It's embarrassing to know that Makoto can see everything of him right now, and that he can't hide anything. Makoto's told him a few times before that he has a great body — especially complimenting his 'long and slender' legs — but it doesn't stop him from being a little self-conscious in this situation.

Makoto goes back to what he was doing before, and he's being slow, which relaxes Rei ever so slightly. He can't help but still be a little nervous, though, but that's probably normal. He knows Makoto isn't going to do anything he doesn't want, so it's not like he has anything to worry about. Besides, like Makoto said, the first time doesn't have to be perfect. Even if he wants it to be, it's okay if it  _isn't_.

Soft kisses are planted along his abdomen, on the inside of his thigh. Rei shivers; it feels good and he's pretty sure that if this isn't heaven, it's at least Earth's definition of it. And it surprises him how he grows more and more impatient in wanting Makoto to just  _do it_ already, when just a minute ago he was nearly mortified over the whole situation. He's grateful to Makoto for taking things slow and letting him get used to this situation.

"Is it okay if I continue?" Makoto suddenly asks, and Rei opens his eyes. His heartbeat starts racing, and he takes a deep breath. "Y-yes. Please... continue."

A soft hum is heard, and then Makoto's lips wrap around Rei's almost painfully hard girth. He gasps in surprise even though he's been expecting it for a while now, and his eyes flutter shut as Makoto slowly starts moving his head up and down.

 _This isn't happening. I can't believe this is happening_.

He's conflicted; it feels good but he's embarrassed. He wants Makoto to continue but he also wants him to stop. Despite his weird thoughts, he tries telling himself that it's fine, thinking about what Makoto's already told him multiple times this evening.

Rei tilts his head back and his fingers unconsciously grasp Makoto's hair. As he realises it, he takes his hand off quickly and clears his throat, which makes Makoto stop and take his mouth of Rei's cock. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry", Rei breathes. "I did something without thinking."

"Oh", Makoto replies with a little smile. "It's fine, you can continue doing that. I don't mind."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

He's still not convinced. "It doesn't hurt?"

"No. I'd let you know if I didn't like what you're doing. And I hope you do the same?" Makoto says with a questioning tone at the end. Rei nods vigorously. "Of— of course!"

"Good, then that's fine."

Really, what Rei just wants is to be absolutely, positively, sure that Makoto doesn't get hurt or that he finds anything uncomfortable. Though he's pretty sure that if he were to voice his thoughts out loud, Makoto would just tell him " _that's my line!_ " So he doesn't say anything and lets go of his train of thought.

When Makoto goes back to what he was previously doing, Rei's hand grasps Makoto's hair again and he lets out a breathless moan. For someone who's never done this before, Makoto is  _really_ good, and it makes Rei self-conscious. He wants to be able to do this for Makoto as well, and he wants to be at least equally as good at it.

His breathing turning erratic, Rei bucks his hips and Makoto fastens his pace as he matches Rei's rhythm, albeit an uneven one.

"A-ah, Makoto-se— Ma— Makoto", he stutters, still conscious enough to the point where he catches his mistake and corrects himself. It's the first time he calls Makoto by his first name without using the honorific, and while it feels a little odd, it also feels  _right_.

Makoto doesn't pay his mistake any mind but continues bobbing his head up and down, his tongue occasionally running along the base of Rei's cock. He's getting close to release, and there's a tingly feeling going all the way down from his toes up to his head. He brings his free hand to his mouth, clenched into a fist, and bites down on his knuckles as he knows he's about to let out a scream.

"I'm— I'm c... close", Rei slurs, and it takes a lot of energy not to squirm; it's obviously going to throw Makoto off, so he just about manages to control himself. Makoto places one of his hands on Rei's thigh, and Rei takes it as a sign that it's okay for him to come. So he does, and while screaming, he bites down on his knuckles and squeezes his eyes shut.

A few tears fall down his cheek from the incredibly powerful orgasm he's just experienced, and he lets out a deep sigh. His hand falls down to his side again, and even though he hasn't seen the aftermath of him having bitten said hand, he's pretty sure it doesn't look very pretty right now. At least he hasn't drawn blood, so it's not too terrible.

Going from having almost pulled on Makoto's hair until his release, Rei now softly runs his fingers through it for a few seconds before Makoto comes up. To Rei's horror, he watches Makoto swallow, and his eyes widen. "W-wait, did you... did you—"

"I did", Makoto answers simply, and smiles. "I hope I did okay."

" _Okay_ ", Rei echoes with disbelief in his voice. "That was... amazing. I... wow."

He can't form coherent sentences right now; both because he's still coming off his orgasm and because he's stunned by what's just happened. His chest heaves up and down as Rei breathes heavily, and he feels his heart hammer against his ribcage. Makoto crawls up and lies down beside him, and he's still smiling. Rei suddenly feels the embarrassment grab a hold of him again, and he turns his gaze to the side. He bites the inside of his cheek and takes a deep breath before he sits up.

"What's wrong?" Makoto asks. Rei doesn't answer, but instead just straddles his boyfriend and starts to slowly move downwards. His heart's still beating like mad, but he's not  _too_ nervous. Now he just wants to repay the favour, even though he doesn't have the slightest clue as to how he's supposed to do that. He's terrified, nervous and paranoid. What if he does something wrong? Even if it doesn't have to be perfect, he doesn't want to do it completely wrong.

He starts by trying to mimic Makoto's moves; planting kisses along his thighs, on the inside, over his abdomen. Makoto squirms a little, and then there's the sound of a faint giggle that grows — soon enough, Makoto is full-out laughing. Rei panics and sits up, his mouth having just been dangerously close to taking Makoto in.

"Did I— did I do something wrong?" he asks, completely bewildered, and Makoto shakes his head whilst trying to calm down. "No, no — you didn't, I promise. I'm just... really ticklish. I'm sorry."

A bit stumped, Rei can't do anything but sit with his mouth agape for a few seconds as he processes this new piece of very interesting information.

 _He's ticklish. Oh wow, that's cute_.

Rei is almost tempted to test it again, but he decides against it in the last second, and goes back to what he was doing before. This time, he makes sure he doesn't touch Makoto  _too_ lightly as it would inevitably make him laugh again. And as much as Rei loves hear his boyfriend laugh — it would kind of ruin the moment.

He actually feels less nervous now thanks to the little interruption, and although he does it rather slowly, he lets his tongue run up and down the base. It feels strange, feeling those veins on his tongue as he explores and discovers things. He finds that it's actually kind of exciting. Feeling a little more secure, he wraps his lips around the tip and slowly takes it in. Makoto shivers, and Rei feels the sheets shift a bit as Makoto grab at them for purchase.

Being able to evoke these reactions from Makoto makes him feel a little more confident, as he'd up until now only been able to make Makoto smile, laugh and react in ways that pretty much everyone else would see. But this was something for Rei's eyes and ears only, and it makes him think that maybe he's not doing too terribly after all, despite it being his first time.

There's a slightly bitter taste in his mouth, but Rei doesn't mind it; it isn't unpleasant or anything, just foreign to him. He feels a different kind of wetness at the roof of his mouth and realises it has to be precum leaking from Makoto's tip. It makes him feel excited; Makoto's actually feeling good. It's interesting how honest the body can be in situations like these, and it calms Rei down a bit about his insecurities about making Makoto feel good. Because it's very evident that he  _does_ feel good.

He starts moving up and down, and as he does, he hears Makoto's low moans above. Fingers twist in his hair, Makoto's hips softly thrust up and down along with Rei's own movements with his head. He's slowly getting the hang of what to do, and what he does seems to get positive reactions from his boyfriend, so he doesn't see the need to stop until Makoto reaches his limit.

One hand around Makoto's length and one on his thigh, Rei steadies himself a little better as he fastens his pace. Makoto bucks his hips upward and Rei thinks for a microsecond that it's going to go straight to his probably very poor gag reflex and that he's going to have to take it out. But he's underestimated himself, and he can safely keep going at the same pace, finding a steady rhythm that somewhat matches Makoto's thrusts. Another one of the many discoveries he's making tonight.

The low moans increase in volume and soon turn into screams as Makoto nears release. Thankfully, Rei isn't sensitive when it comes to his hair, but he does feel that Makoto has a pretty strong grip on it. The precum gathers in his mouth and he has to pause to swallow. It's turned a little more bitter than before, and he knows that must mean Makoto's  _really_ close now. It still doesn't taste bad, and has Rei wondering what exactly does affect these things. He's not so sure if he's actually going to do research on it, though.

"R-Rei, I'm g— ah... I'm gonna c-come", Makoto groans in a garbled voice, and Rei speeds up even more to provoke the orgasm out of his boyfriend. Soon enough, he comes in a few small spurts that Rei swallows without hesitation. His lips slide off Makoto's cock, and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before he exhales a deep breath.

He sits up, and Makoto slides down to let his head rest on the pillow behind him. His eyes are heavy-lidded and pupils still dilated, and Rei finds this display incredibly erotic. If it wasn't for the fact that he's just ejaculated, he's pretty sure he'd get an erection within seconds just from watching his boyfriend post-orgasm.

Rei crawls up beside Makoto and lies down. His mind is racing with all kinds of thoughts; from what had happened earlier that day when they'd finished moving in all of their boxes to them having lunch in Tokyo for the first time — to what had just happened and what's having them completely exhausted in bed right now. It's been a long day filled with all sorts of events and experiences, and he's sure this is a day he won't soon forget.

After the two of them have calmed down a bit, they go into the bathroom to clean themselves and brush their teeth for the second time before returning to bed again. Rei lies down next to Makoto, and his boyfriend pulls his head towards his chest and puts it down. Rei flinches at first, but then calms down as he lies down and listens to the beating of Makoto's heart. It's very soothing, and it's most definitely going to help him fall asleep.

"Good night, Rei", Makoto whispers before kissing him on the top of his head.

Rei smiles to himself, and he's glad the lights are turned off, because he's pretty sure he's blushing, too. "Good night, Makoto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [ radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	16. Cohabitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While they slowly get used to their new life in Tokyo, Makoto's classes begin, as well as Rei's last year at Iwatobi. They also get their first visitor to the apartment! ... and a very interesting house-warming gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you _so_ much for 100 kudos!

_Makoto_.

 

Rei cries in his sleep a lot, occasionally mumbling things that makes Makoto's heart ache. It's almost always about his parents, and very often, Makoto hears Rei apologise for being who he is, apologising for not being who they want him to be.

He hates that it has to be this way, that Rei has to suffer at the expense of his identity and sexuality. Makoto has really gotten lucky with such open-minded parents; he's never really had to deal with them disagreeing with any of his choices or decisions in life.

This night in particular, Makoto hasn't been able to fall asleep at all. He doesn't know what it is — is he nervous, excited, worried? His classes don't start until a week from now, so that wouldn't make sense. He lies on his side and watches Rei. The violet-haired boy seems to be sleeping peacefully for once, and it's a beautiful sight — one that Makoto is glad he didn't miss out on if he'd been asleep.

Makoto tells Rei he's beautiful every now and then. Not too often, because it'd lose it's meaning, but just whenever he feels it needs to be said, and when he feels like Rei probably needs to be reminded of it. Rei deserves all the extra attention and love he can get, and Makoto is more than glad to be the one who gives it to him.

Makoto slowly brings a hand to Rei's face to softly caress his cheek. He's overjoyed that the two of them are living together in Tokyo, and even though Rei has a longer way to school now, he doesn't seem to mind it. Makoto felt bad before about it, forcing Rei to get up earlier and taking the train for a little over an hour every morning. Now that Rei has told him countless times that he really doesn't mind, and that he enjoys spending time on the train, reading books or doing homework — Makoto has come to accept it. As long as Rei is happy, he is, too.

 

* * *

 

The first week of his university studies had been almost disappointingly easy. The very first week had been an induction week, where they just attended several meetings, met their teachers and went to a few introductory lectures. Nothing too big, and maybe that was a good way to start things off, after all. Makoto had gotten to know a few people in his group rather quickly, and he's happy with the people he's studying with — they seem like a good bunch, at least most of them.

Gakudai's campus is huge, and he finds himself getting lost a lot, but thankfully his seniors are very friendly and always point him in the right direction whenever he asks for help. From initially having been very intimidated by the size of the campus, the amount of students and buildings around him, Makoto's now calmed down about the whole ordeal and thinks that it's probably not too bad, after all. Well, he'll have to see once lectures and seminars start for real.

Not long after he and Rei had moved in, Makoto found out Haruka lives not too far away from Gakudai — he actually lives two train stations away in Higashikoganei — and it's perfect for when he wants to visit his best friend after classes. Haru lives close to the train station, and Makoto can just take the train that takes him five minutes, and he's back home.

It's really convenient, and it surprises Makoto how convenient it can be in such a huge city like Tokyo. The train fare isn't too expensive, either, so he can definitely afford it with the financial aid he gets every month and what his parents have saved up for him since he was little.

He and Rei have been looking at part-time jobs to start doing once they've properly settled into their school routines. They don't want to spend all of their savings on rent, food and leisure, so they've decided to try and get jobs where they don't have to work  _too_ much, with them both having school. It's not something they're focusing too much on right now, but at least they've started to look around the internet and mark things up in the morning papers.

Makoto comes home after a day packed with lectures. The toughest part of his timetable is the two hour long psychology lectures he has on Mondays and Wednesdays, while the most interesting seminars and lectures are the ones on pedagogy. Sure, psychology is  _interesting_  — but he just wishes the lectures didn't have to last for two whole hours.

"I'm back", he says through a sigh as he enters through the door, and is almost immediately greeted by the bright sunshine that is his boyfriend.

"Welcome home", Rei replies and gives him a kiss on the cheek. "How was your day?"

"It was okay, just completely full of lectures and stuff. Feels like I've tried cramming in too much information." Makoto groans, and Rei smiles. Makoto loves seeing Rei smile like this; it had taken him a while to start smiling again after that whole incident with his parents, so it's very refreshing to see him smile again. Especially after having a pretty rough day, too.

"I'm sorry, I hope tomorrow's a better day. I stopped by the minimart on my way home and got some groceries."

Makoto places his backpack on the floor and stands back up to hug his boyfriend. "I feel bad, I should've done that. I can make dinner as a compromise."

"No, we're making dinner together. We don't have to start right away, though; it's only five, after all."

Looking at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall, Makoto confirms the time and nods. "Yeah." He buries his face against Rei's shoulder. "We could waste some time if you want."

"You've missed me that much?"

"Of course I have."

 _I don't like being away from you now that I've finally gotten you to myself_.

Makoto really enjoys being with Rei like this; them living together in an apartment on their own and not really having to care about other people around them. Sure, they keep in contact with people back in Iwatobi via Skype, so it's not like they've completely cut people off just because they've moved away from home. But the fact that these people aren't physically here with a possibility of disrupting their peace is kind of a relief. Well, at least for now — maybe this "puppy love" stage of having moved in together isn't going to last that long. Makoto doesn't  _hope_ it ends too soon, as he's perfectly happy like this.

Looking at his boyfriend, he notices a small smirk tugging at the corners of Rei's lips. "What?"

Rei shakes his head. "It's nothing. So, where w—"

His words are interrupted by a phone ringing on the side table in the hallway. Rei frowns a little before he goes over to pick up his phone; Makoto knows he's a little upset about their moment being ruined — he feels the same way.

"Hello? Nagisa-kun? Yes, we are, but... Really?"

Makoto tilts his head in confusion, but doesn't interrupt Rei on the phone. He doesn't mean to listen to the conversation, but also feels awkward about just leaving the room, so he ends up just standing in place like an idiot.

"I guess, but... it'll take about ten minutes for us to get ready and come to get you. Is that okay? Alright, then we'll come meet you. See you soon."

Rei hangs up and turns his attention to Makoto again. "Nagisa-kun came to surprise us, but he doesn't know our address."

Makoto laughs. "I see. Well, did he at least get the right train station?"

"Yes, or at least I think so. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course I do!"

 

* * *

 

The two of them leave the apartment building, and as soon as they've walked down the stairs, Makoto grabs Rei's hand. Rei used to be embarrassed about it at first, but after having realised that people in Tokyo generally don't care, he's calmed down about it and isn't so ashamed of it anymore. Of course, Makoto was a little hesitant about it first, too, but he also feels like being in love with Rei isn't something he should be ashamed of. Gladly, people in Tokyo seem to generally have a more open mind towards these things.

He's really glad they got an apartment so close to the train station; they'd really gotten lucky. The rent isn't too expensive, either, but he doesn't really want to spend all of his savings on just paying rent. Hopefully he'll be able to get a part-time job once he's properly settled in with his university studies. He's not too picky about what kind of job he wants; just anything that'll put food on their table and keep a roof over their heads.

The walk to the train station isn't a long one; it takes just about five minutes or so, and the sights on the way there make it worth the walk. They do most of their grocery shopping by the train station as there's a family mart there that sells pretty much everything they need anyway, and they don't really know their way around that well yet, so the family mart will have to do for now.

Makoto and Rei arrive at the train station just before half past five. People are just getting home from work or school, and it's bustling with life. Makoto really likes it, it's very different from how it is in Iwatobi, and it's a nice change. Kokubunji isn't overpopulated, but it's not too isolated, either, so it's pretty much what Makoto wanted in the first place.

"Rei-chan, Mako-chan!"

A cheerful voice calls their names, and the two of them automatically turn their heads in its direction. Soon enough, a short, blond boy in a cardinal coloured sweater and stone washed jeans runs up to them with a bag over his shoulder, and he embraces them both in turn.

"Nagisa-kun, you act like we didn't just see each other today", Rei laughs.

"I know, but this is different — we're not in Iwatobi. I'm in _Tokyo_!"

Makoto smiles at his friend. "How was the train ride here? Not too bad, I hope?"

"No, it was okay. But wow, this place is really different from home, huh." Nagisa looks around him at all of the buildings, the people passing them by on the side of the road, the cars going by.

It feels a little weird to have Nagisa come here, because Makoto still doesn't feel like he properly  _lives_ in Tokyo, it still hasn't quite settled in yet. He feels like this is just a temporary thing, and that he'll be back in Iwatobi in another week or so.

But in reality, maybe he'll never actually move back to Iwatobi, and continue living in Tokyo after graduation. That's kind of what he hopes for, since that's part of why he moved here in the first place, but it also feels kind of sad that he'll never really live in Iwatobi again.

"It is", Makoto agrees. "Do you want to stay for dinner at our place?"

"Can I?"

"I mean, you kind of came over around dinner time, so... I'm gonna bet you were hoping to stay for dinner. Am I right?"

Nagisa laughs a little and scratches the back of his head. "You got me, Mako-chan."

Makoto rarely gets to see Nagisa these days, so it's nice to see him in Tokyo. He vows to himself to visit Iwatobi more often, maybe going home for the weekend every now and then or something like that. He's not so sure what Rei would think of the idea as he's uncomfortable enough just going to school there, but he decides he has to talk to Rei about it anyway, and pretty soon, too.

The three of them arrive at the apartment building, and Nagisa doesn't stop "ooh"-ing and "aah"-ing even as they walk inside. To Makoto, their apartment isn't  _too_ special, it's rather small and their decorations aren't too fancy. Maybe it's just because it's  _their_ place, and the fact that they're living on their own now, that makes it even more special than it actually is.

"Nagisa-kun, when did you even get on the train here? You must have taken the train that came after mine", Rei says, and Nagisa nods with a little smile. "Yeah, I just went home to get changed and such, and then I went to the train station."

Makoto can't help but laugh. "You should've come on a weekend instead, you could spend the night in that case."

"I'll do that next time", Nagisa says with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Besides, it'd be fun if Haru-chan could be here then, too."

Makoto shrugs. "It'd be fun if we could all meet up again, but I don't think you two would be able to sleep in here. It's too small."

They continue walking around the small apartment, but it's a tour that's not going to last more than just a few minutes. The last room they walk into is the bathroom, and Nagisa is quick to show his displeasure with the size of it.

"The bath tub is kinda small, too, isn't it?" he asks, wrinkling his nose a little. "I'm surprised you actually fit in there."

Makoto glances at Rei who's standing next to him, and he detects a faint blush colour his boyfriend's cheeks. He smiles. "It  _is_ a little small, but it's okay. You can't really ask for anything better at this price and in this location."

"Ah, that's right. So how's university going, Mako-chan?"

They walk out into the small living room area and sit down by the kotatsu. Rei offers to go get them something to drink, and disappears into the kitchen.

"It's going pretty okay", Makoto says. "It's only just now started getting tough, and the days feel like they're longer than they actually are. I guess that's to be expected."

Nagisa laughs. "Yeah. I'm sure you'll do fine, though, Mako-chan. Have you heard anything from Haru-chan? Doesn't he live here in Tokyo as well?"

Makoto hasn't really talked to Haru since just before they moved. They've sent a few texts here and there, but that's about it. Having both been busy with moving in and getting used to their new surroundings, they haven't had time to meet up. Besides, he doesn't want to bother Haru when he knows his best friend might be busy, and Haru  _definitely_ doesn't like being bothered when he is.

"No, I haven't", he replies. "I thought I'd give him some time to settle in with the whole moving in thing, and starting up his swimming again. We've talked over text a bit, but that's pretty much it. Have you talked to him?"

Nagisa shakes his head. "I tried calling him the other day but he didn't pick up. Guess he's still busy. If you hear anything, tell him to call me, okay? I miss him."

Rei returns from the kitchen and is carrying a tray with a tea pot, cups and saucers. It's a tea set Makoto's parents had given them as a "moving away" gift, among other things. At first, they'd both protested wildly at the amount of things they were given, but of course, neither Yuiko nor Jun would back down.

"Ah, thanks, Rei-chan", Nagisa says as Rei serves them tea and sits down next to Makoto. As thanks, Makoto plants a kiss on Rei's cheek, making his entire face flush red.

"M-Makoto, that's—"

"You two have really changed, huh?"

"We have?" Rei asks, and Nagisa smiles. "Yeah. You seem happy, and it's... nice to see, after all the things that happened with Haru-chan. I'm surprised Makoto convinced you to drop the honorific, though, Rei-chan."

Makoto can't help but laugh, and Rei glares at him. "It took some time for him to properly get used to it, but I'm actually glad. It was a bit weird after we started dating."

Rei hadn't originally shared his sentiments, but was eventually able to see it from Makoto's perspective and stop using the -senpai honorific. Besides, it wouldn't really make sense if Rei were to continue calling him that now anyway, since Makoto isn't in high school anymore. So in Makoto's opinion, it's all worked out for the better that way, and it makes it feel like they've gotten closer thanks to it, as well.

"Yeah. Oh, I just remembered I got you two something", Nagisa says, and Makoto swears he could see a mischievous glint in Nagisa's eyes as he said it, making him slightly worried.

"What is it?"

"You'll see. Hang on, it's in my bag. I guess it's sort of a house-warming gift?"

"This doesn't sound good, Rei mutters, and Makoto can only agree. Anything with Nagisa and a mischievous tone to it means it probably isn't anything for children to see or hear.

Nagisa disappears out into the hallway, and Rei appears to be steeling himself for what's about to come when he grabs the hem of Makoto's shirt and buries his head against his shoulder. Makoto smiles and pats him on the head. "It can't be that bad. I mean, what could he possibly—"

"Ta-da!" Nagisa says with a triumphant look on his face as he's come back in and places a neatly wrapped gift in front of them. Makoto stares at it for a few seconds in a weird mix of awe and disbelief, while Rei seems flat-out terrified of the box on the table.

"Do you want to open it or should I...?" Makoto asks, and Rei shakes his head. "Please, go ahead. I'd rather watch from the sidelines."

"Thanks", Makoto says with a little nervous laugh before he takes the gift box in his hands. When looking at it, it looks just like any birthday or Christmas gift; light blue wrapping paper with little penguins all over it, wrapped with a red ribbon — nothing too suspicious. But had it not been from Nagisa, they would've both probably been a bit calmer about the whole thing.

Makoto unties the ribbon before starting to tear the paper apart, and he can literally feel the tension in the air as he does so. It's almost as if he's disassembling a bomb, trying to decide whether to cut the green or the red cord. But in this case, he doesn't really have a choice as there's only one red ribbon.

Eventually, he manages to get the paper off, but there's a small cardboard box inside of it, only adding to the anticipation. He doesn't dare look Nagisa in the eyes as he's afraid the look he'll see will betray Nagisa's secrecy, and Makoto will be able to literally read off of Nagisa's face what's inside the box. In a way, he wants to do it so he can prepare himself, but still doesn't dare doing it.

Finally, Makoto opens the box. Rei peeks up with great caution, and Nagisa expectantly leans forward. Makoto opens and reaches into the box, and there's a small package and what feels like a bottle inside. As he takes them out, Nagisa starts roaring with laughter, and Rei groans — probably mortified. Makoto stares at the two items he's holding, and he realises that it's a pack of condoms and a bottle of lube.

"Nagisa... where... where did you—  _how_ did you get these?" he asks, but Nagisa's unable to answer because of him still laughing. Makoto puts the very peculiar and honestly kind of embarrassing gifts down on the table along with the box and the remnants of the paper and ribbon.

There's an awkward silence between both Makoto and Rei as they stare at the odd house-warming gift from Nagisa. After a while, the blond manages to calm himself down, and he takes a deep breath. "Man, you should've seen your faces when Mako-chan opened the box. Priceless."

"How did you even get these?" Makoto asks again, and Nagisa shrugs. "Walked into a sex shop in the northernmost part of Iwatobi and bought it. I'd gone there to see my sisters, and I walked by the shop when I was on my way home, so I figured 'why not'?"

"How can you say that so easily?" Rei whines, and he finally takes his hands away from his face. "Besides, how did they let you buy it? Don't you need identification?"

"But I have identification?" Nagisa replies with a questioning tone and tilts his head. "I've had one for years."

"He means to ask if you don't have to be over eighteen to buy those", Makoto fills in, and he can literally see a light-bulb over Nagisa's head as he understands what Rei was trying to get at.

"Ah. Well, I looked around on the internet, and you don't really have to be eighteen to do that. Don't worry, just take it and... well, use it!"

Makoto's baffled at how cheerful and unashamed Nagisa can stay in this very embarrassing situation. He glances at the bottle of lube every now and then with a mix of curiosity and embarrassment. It isn't that he hasn't thought about buying these things himself, but seeing them on his kotatsu table and knowing he's in possession of these things is kind of daunting. Maybe he's not quite ready to go there just yet?

He's a little confused, because there are some days when he really wants to, but then as he thinks further on it, it kind of intimidates him. Makoto really wants their first time to be special; he doesn't want it to be rushed, and he wants to have done at least  _some_ research on it beforehand so he has a basic understanding on what he's about to do. Sure, he was the one to tell Rei that their first time didn't have to be perfect, but that doesn't stop Makoto from worrying about completely screwing up and making it an unpleasant experience rather than the opposite.

Albeit reluctantly, the boyfriends awkwardly thank Nagisa for the gift, and they move onto other topics while finishing their tea. It's about dinner time, so they decide to start making dinner after Makoto's taken care of the tea set on the table. Well, Makoto is the one who finally gets to make dinner since 'Rei was the one to get them tea before'. Rei isn't too satisfied with the comparison, but thankfully doesn't protest further.

Makoto heads into the kitchen to start making dinner, even though he doesn't even have a clue what Rei has bought. It doesn't take long for him to figure out what Rei had planned for dinner as he studies the contents of their fridge, and his cheeks heat up a little as he realises Rei had planned on making his favourite dish — green curry. He smiles to himself as he gets to work on dinner.

Since he was pretty young, Makoto's had to cook for himself and his siblings quite a few times when his parents worked until late evening. So, naturally, he'd gotten pretty used to — and apparently very good at — cooking, and really enjoyed it, as well. He'd taken cooking for others for granted up until when he started living with Rei, and from then on would cook for someone special other than his family, which put the whole thing into a new perspective. It's exciting, a little scary in case he'd fail miserably, but all in all, he really likes it.

When he's done preparing it and the curry simmers in the pot on the hob, he leaves the kitchen to join Nagisa and Rei in the living room again. Nagisa and Rei have taken out Rei's laptop, and they are just about to call Rin in Sydney. It's only a two hour time difference, which had surprised Makoto at first when he found out, but it's also really convenient for whenever they want to talk to each other.

The three of them place the laptop between them, Nagisa sitting in the middle as he rings up Rin on Skype. A few signals go by, and then they see their redhead friend appear on the screen. "Yeah—? Oh, hey! Wow,  _this_ is something I didn't expect", he says.

"Rin-rin!" Nagisa says cheerfully, flashing a bright smile at the screen. "I missed you!"

"I missed you guys, too! Where the hell are you? Did someone move?"

"We did", Makoto says. "Rei and I moved to Tokyo."

Rin's eyebrows skyrocket, and he lets out a  _huh_. "Wow. So you got into uni?"

"Yeah, I got into Gakudai, which was my first choice. It's still a little intimidating, but I like it. How are things going for you?"

"Pretty okay, but things are gonna get busy really soon, and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm already kinda busy as it is, and I don't need more things on my plate. But hey, I guess that's uni, huh?"

Makoto laughs. "I guess so."

"Where's Haru, by the way? I haven't seen or talked to him in a while."

"I tried contacting Haru-chan before, but I think he's busy", Nagisa says. "Maybe we should just leave him voice messages so he knows we've been trying to reach him."

Rin shrugs. "I guess. That guy's never really good with staying in touch with people, but we might as well give it a shot."

 

* * *

 

After having talked to Rin for a little over an hour while the three in Tokyo have dinner, the four of them decide it's probably time to stop for the night. They promise to talk soon again, and that they'll try to make it a time when Haru's able to join Nagisa, Rei and Makoto as well.

Nagisa starts getting ready to go home, and rejects Makoto's and Rei's offer to walk him to the station.

"It's fine; I know the way now. Thanks for having me over, and thanks for dinner, Mako-chan."

"You're welcome", Makoto replies with a smile. "You're free to come and stay whenever you want. Preferably during a weekend, though. We need to get a guest futon, too, since we don't have one yet."

"Are you sure you don't want us to walk you to the station? It's getting dark", Rei points out, and Nagisa puts up a hand to silence his friend.

"I told you, it's fine. I'll send you a text when I'm back in Iwatobi, I promise."

The blond leaves, and silence falls upon the apartment again. Makoto clears his throat to quickly disperse the sudden awkwardness. "Do you want to take a bath first?"

"Ah, yes", Rei says quickly. "If you don't mind."

"I don't; go ahead."

While Rei's in the bathroom, Makoto 'entertains' himself by going through some of the handouts he'd gotten from his lectures earlier that day. So far, it isn't anything too advanced, and he doesn't have trouble with keeping up in his modules. Thankfully, he's a rather disciplined person who rarely gets behind on things, so he feels a little positive about his studies.

The two of them both having showered, they get into bed just before ten. Since Rei has to get up earlier than Makoto, they try to get in bed around this time so Rei can get enough sleep. It's his last year at Iwatobi, and Makoto remembers very well how difficult things got in the third year, so he's sure Rei will need all the sleep he can get to get through his days and to perform at his best.

Makoto wraps one arm around Rei, who automatically rests his head on the other's chest. It's become somewhat of a routine for them to fall asleep like this, and when Rei had initially been worried that it'd be uncomfortable for his boyfriend, Makoto told him it was fine. And it still is — he finds it strangely reassuring to keep Rei in his arms like this while they're asleep. It also tends to help keeping the nightmares away, so that's only adding on to the good parts about it.

Neither of them dared to mention or even move the condoms and the lube off the kotatsu after Nagisa left, and Makoto's sure they're going to be left out there for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag fic: wrong number to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	17. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tachibana/Ryuugazaki household gets more visitors, and they bring... news. Good? Bad? Find out!

Rei arrives at Iwatobi's train station twenty minutes to eight, and Nagisa stands outside waiting for him as he comes outside. The two of them walk to school, and they're just in time for their first class, which is social studies. It isn't the most interesting subject, but thankfully, Rei's had plenty of sleep, so he won't risk falling asleep during class.

They've slowly started the swim club activities up again with trying to advertise the club and get new members. Amakata-sensei has been talking to coach Sasabe about using the swimming pool at the ITSC, and things are looking quite promising. Rei and Nagisa really don't want to suspend activities just because it's getting colder, so getting access to the Iwatobi Swim Club's pool is going to be greatly helpful to them. Rei is still very jealous of Samezuka and the fact that they don't have to think about these things.

He and Nagisa are in regular contact with the new captain of Samezuka's team, Nitori. They've promised to have a practice race once the Iwatobi team is fully assembled, so they're very eager to get it done as soon as possible. As for right now, it doesn't look too bright as they've had posters up around the school buildings for a few days, but no applications or people coming into the club room.

"What if we have to disband the club?"

"Don't say that, Nagisa-kun — I'm sure it won't have to come to that", Gou says with some optimism in her voice, which Rei isn't sure if it's sincere or not.

He picks up a sausage from the bento Makoto had prepared for him earlier that morning. Makoto is a really good cook, and while Rei isn't  _terrible_ , he wants to improve at cooking. They usually split up the cooking evenly between them; either they cook together or they take turns. In time, Rei hopes he'll become at least nearly at good at cooking as his boyfriend, just so he'll be somewhat confident in putting food on the table for Makoto.

"I think we should wait a little", Rei says, chewing on his lunch. "Just another week or so, see if we get someone who's interested in joining the club. And if not, we'll have to go talk to Amakata-sensei and see what we can do from there. Like Gou-san said, I think it's far too early to say that we might have to disband the club."

Nagisa nods slowly, but he doesn't seem too convinced. Rei knows how he feels; Nagisa was originally the one to get the idea of a swimming club into Haruka's head, after all. And it all led to this; them having competed in a few races, even won some, and now he was the captain of said team. It all wouldn't have been possible if it hadn't been for Nagisa's efforts, so Rei's definitely aware that this must be frustrating for his friend.

Not having actual club activities due to the lack of members needed to actually hold them, Nagisa, Rei and Gou don't have as much to do after school as they normally would. They usually decide to spend said time together out in town, walking around the shopping district or spending time at Nagisa's house. It feels weird, because they usually hang out at Haruka's house whenever they don't have club activities, but since Haruka's moved away from Iwatobi, they end up at Nagisa's house for the most part.

At first, Rei was afraid of being in Iwatobi more than he needed to. The thought of him running into his 'parents' scared him; what would they say, how would they react if they saw him? Would they just treat him like just another stranger on the street? Would they come up and yell at him in front of all of the other people around them? He doesn't know, and he's afraid of finding out in case it happens.

But he's rarely alone whenever he's back in town; either he's with both Nagisa and Gou, or just Nagisa. And he doesn't think they would do anything while he's with others, but at the same time, they had shown their 'true colours' in front of Makoto — his father had even hit his boyfriend, so what says things can't happen while he's with his friends?

He tries not to think about it, but it's difficult. He finds himself looking around him whenever they're in the central part of Iwatobi; even if it isn't too close to where his parents live, there's still a big chance he'll spot them there since that's where they do their weekend grocery shopping. He can't really relax while he's in Iwatobi, and often wants to go home as soon as possible, even if he does want to spend time with his friends, too.

 

* * *

 

When he comes home around five, Makoto's already there before him. He's in the kitchen and talking on the phone, appearing stressed. Rei takes off his shoes and puts his backpack in the living room. As he's about to walk into the kitchen, he notices that the kotatsu table is completely clean and empty. The condoms and lube are gone. Did Makoto move them? Where would he have put them? Not that Rei's curious about it or anything.

... Okay, maybe just a little.

There are pots, pans, spices and vegetables all over the place as Rei enters the kitchen, and it looks like Makoto's preparing food for not only the two of them, which greatly confuses Rei who doesn't recall having heard anything about them having guests tonight. He doesn't want to interrupt Makoto on the phone, though, so he idly stands by and waits until he's finished talking.

"... kind of wish you would've told me sooner; I literally had to _run_ down to the family mart by the station and buy more groceries, and I've only just now gotten back from class. You say that now, but—! Okay, okay. I sure hope so. Alright, see you soon."

Makoto hangs up with an annoyed sigh, and Rei cautiously approaches him from behind to place his arms around Makoto's waist.

"What's wrong?" he asks, and Makoto turns around to give him a kiss on top of the head.

"Oh, welcome home, Rei. My parents decided to drop by on a surprise visit... I'm kind of stressed out, I have a lot of things to do in an hour."

 _Ah, that explains the disappearance of the condoms_ , Rei thinks. He's not sure whether to be relieved that they're gone or to be nervous as to where he'll find them in their apartment. Probably more of the former.

"Do you want any help?"

"Thanks, that'd be great. Could you make the dango? I took out the flour, but—"

"Leave it to me", Rei says with a little laugh before he grabs his apron from where it's hanging on the wall. "Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll gladly help. What are we making?"

Makoto puts an arm around him and half-embraces him. "Thank you. It's dango-jiru, but I had to get ready-made dashi stock... which I really don't like."

"I see. Well, that's fine — it does save us some time, after all."

Rei prepares and kneads the dough that will eventually form dango, which he'll then stretch to make a kind of noodle. When he's finished, he proceeds to cut carrots, a burdock root and daikon radish. Makoto finishes his half of it, and soon enough, the pot's simmering away on the stove top and they can leave it for five minutes before they have to add the chicken, mushrooms and cabbage.

The two of them leave the kitchen and sit down by the kotatsu. Makoto exhales in exhaustion and lies down on the floor. "No rest for the weary", he says with a laugh.

"I can do the rest of it, it isn't that difficult", Rei replies. "You seem like you've had a rough day?"

"I have", Makoto whines. "I already have an exam coming up soon, as well as an essay."

Rei smiles while placing Makoto's head in his lap.  "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure you'll do fine, though. If it's got anything to do with the body or muscles, you can always try asking me. I was... well, I studied it a lot in my first year, as you might recall."

It's weird to think back to the fact that Rei used to be a part of the track team before Nagisa convinced him to join the swim team instead. It's like a completely different reality, something that somehow doesn't feel like it actually happened. It wasn't that long ago, either, which makes it even more strange.

Makoto smiles back and closes his eyes, letting Rei pet his head. "I might take you up on that offer."

They don't have much time to just sit around, so they eventually get up and prepare the last stage of dinner, which only takes about three minutes to cook, anyway. Just as Makoto submerges the chicken and cabbage into the pot, their doorbell rings. Rei takes his apron off before he goes out into the hallway to open the door.

"Hello, Rei-kun!" Yuiko exclaims as he opens the door, and immediately proceeds to give him a hug. He's taken aback a little, but returns the embrace nonetheless.

Jun gives him a nod and a smile. "Hello. Sorry we came by on such a short notice, and thank you for having us."

Rei shakes his head as Yuiko lets him go. "It's fine, and I'm glad you—"

"It's not!" Makoto yells from the kitchen, and Rei can't help but laugh. He knows Makoto isn't serious about it, and that he just wants to complain for the sake of it.

The three of them go into the living room, and Rei tells his guests to sit down while he joins Makoto in the kitchen again to start setting the kotatsu table for dinner. While Rei goes to set their kotatsu with bowls, chopsticks, spoons and glasses, Makoto puts the pot down and sits with his parents.

"Where are Ren and Ran?" Makoto asks as Rei goes back into the kitchen to get a pitcher of water.

"They're with your grandparents for the night. They wanted to come, too, but we know you don't have that much space to begin with, so they had to stay home. We'll be inviting the two of you over for dinner soon, though", Yuiko says.

Rei finally sits down by the kotatsu, and they start dinner. Seeing Makoto's parents is always nice, but it always reminds him of his own family, or what  _used_ to be his family. It always sticks to the back of his mind, but there are times where it surfaces and makes even the simplest things in his day difficult to get through. Sometimes it's in his dreams, and he wakes up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down his face. It isn't easy to deal with, but having Makoto there helps a lot.

"How are things going for you two?" Jun asks. Makoto and Rei exchange glances, and Rei nods to let Makoto speak first.

"It's going okay, things are starting to get a little tougher, but I'm coping. We have an assignment and an essay coming up which I'm currently working on."

"Ah, I see. I hope that goes well for you, though I'm sure it will. What about you, Rei?"

Rei sets his chopsticks down and looks down into his bowl. He isn't used to this; having people other than his parents ask him how he's doing, how things are in school. It feels strange, and he's not sure of how much he can tell them before it's too much information. Surely they can't be  _that_ interested — he's just dating their son, he's no one special besides that, right?

"It's... going well", he says slowly. "We're trying to restart the swim club, but we don't have any new members yet."

"Ah, you're still going at it! I'm glad to hear that. Where will you be swimming, though? It's getting colder outside, so you probably can't use the swimming pool, right?"

He fidgets a little. "We... we talked to coach Sasabe, and he said we could use the pool at the Iwatobi Swim Club in town."

Rei feels Makoto's concerned eyes on him as he speaks, but he doesn't turn to meet Makoto's eyes.

 

* * *

 

Dinner continues with some smalltalk, and they eventually finish up and clean off the kotatsu table, leaving it as empty as it was before. While Makoto goes out to make tea, Rei stays and makes conversation with Jun and Yuiko. The awkward feeling from earlier slowly dissipates as they keep talking, and soon enough, he doesn't find it as uncomfortable anymore, and that they're genuinely interested in hearing about what's going on in his life.

"How does it feel to be in your last year of high school?" Yuiko asks with a smile.

Rei returns the smile and scratches his chin. "It's... a little intimidating, but so far it's not too bad."

"Have you decided on what you want to do after graduation, or is it still too soon?"

He hasn't, and it's slowly creeping up on him that he should start to think about it soon. There are so many options he's interested in, but obviously he can only choose one path to go. And as for right now, he's nowhere near being able to decide which way he wants to go, but he also isn't in  _too_ much of a hurry as the year's only just started.

"No", he admits. "I'm still trying to make up my mind about it, but it's a little difficult to decide."

Jun nods in acknowledgement. "Well, take your time — you can still afford to, after all. And it's something that'll affect your future, so make sure to put a lot of thought into it."

"Hey, hey — don't pressure him", Makoto says, who's just emerged from the kitchen, carrying a tray with the tea set.

"We're not! We're just worried, we care about the both of you, after all", Yuiko says, putting her hands up in defence.

Rei blinks in confusion. "You do?"

"Of course! You're family, too, Rei-kun. I hope you don't find that too odd or anything", Yuiko says. "But that's the way we see it; you're our son's boyfriend, and we care about you. So, naturally, you've become like a second son to us."

He looks down at his hands folded in his lap, a little speechless.  _Family_. It seemed like a strange concept once he'd been disowned by his own flesh and blood, so for two people who weren't even remotely related to him to say that is... definitely odd. It isn't like he dislikes it, absolutely not — he's more than grateful and even moved.

"I don't... find it odd. Thank you", he finally says, after a moment of stunned silence. Yuiko's smile widens, and Rei really feels like they mean it, like he's become a part of their family. While he's lost a family just recently, he's also gained a very warm and loving one.

"Ah, I almost forgot — we actually came over to talk to you two about something", Jun says. "I have a feeling you're not going to like it, though."

Rei feels Makoto tense up ever so slightly next to him, and he discreetly puts his hand over Makoto's, casting a glance his way. Makoto doesn't look at him, but keeps his eyes on his parents who are sitting across from them.

Jun seems to sense his son's sudden change of mood as he smiles a little. "You don't have to look so scared, Makoto. It's just that... we are going to be sending you money every month. To help pay for rent, food and other necessities. After all, we  _are_ your parents, and we are legally responsible for your care until you turn twenty. And even if we didn't have to, we'd still send you money, because we love and care about you."

Rei doesn't feel like he has a right to say anything, and even if he's shocked and wants to protest, he stays quiet.

"I can't let you do that", Makoto says slowly. "I'm going to get a job anyway, and—"

"But you're studying", Yuiko interrupts him. "And we want you to focus on that more than anything. We don't want you two to have to worry about working while you study just so you can afford to have a place to live. That would make me feel terrible as a parent."

Makoto opens his mouth to say something, but closes it again. Rei understand very well how Makoto feels — he's pretty sure he feels the same way. He's already imposed on Jun's and Yuiko's hospitality for far too long before, and he doesn't want for them to possibly suffer financially because of them. Especially not because of  _him_ , since he's not actually their son.

He's conflicted, because Rei really wants to speak up on it and say that he really doesn't deserve their love and care, but they've only just a few minutes ago told him how much he means to them and how he's considered family now. For him to say something about this now would only be very rude, so he very reluctantly decides to stay quiet and let the others do the talking.

"Makoto, just let us help you", Yuiko says, almost whispering. "We really love you, and we want to support you in whatever way we can. I know it's difficult for you to accept, but I want you to see it from our perspective as well, as parents. We're so happy you've made it this far, and we want to make sure you don't have any problems in reaching your goals in life. So this is our way of helping you."

"I'd feel so indebted to you", Makoto says, and he's trembling ever so slightly next to Rei, which makes Rei's chest hurt. He wants to take Makoto in his arms, but he holds back for now as it would be both weird and probably very embarrassing for the both of them.

"Please don't", Jun replies with a reassuring smile. "We're not doing this because we want anything in return. Like Yuiko said, we're doing it because we love you. Both of you", he emphasises, and Rei feels his face heat up.

"And I know you're not going to like talking about this, Rei-kun, but we feel like we have to. Or you're going to be very confused as to why there's money being transferred to your account monthly."

Rei frowns in confusion at Yuiko's statement. "What do you mean?"

She glances at Jun before smiling vaguely. "We got in contact with your parents."

He feels his blood freeze in his veins, and he gets up from his cushion on the floor. "Why... did you do that?"

If Makoto was trembling earlier, it wasn't anything compared to Rei's current state. He's finding it difficult to breathe, and he feels dizzy, like he's going to faint. This was on the bottom of the list of possible subjects Jun and Yuiko would talk to him about, and suddenly it had jumped up to first place and punched him in the face.

"Because, like we said, we care about the both of you. And much like we do for Makoto, they still have legal responsibilities when it comes to you. Whether or not they choose to call you their son or not, society still does. And if they choose not to support you at least financially until you turn twenty, they might face legal actions. Which was something they were very much against when we talked to them."

Yuiko now has a stern look on her face, and it's something Rei has never seen before. He clenches his fists and takes deep breaths to try and calm himself down, but it only does so little to help at this point. "What did they say?"

"Well, they weren't too happy about it at first, and I even thought they'd close the door on us when we came over. But they actually invited us in after a while, and we had a bit of a talk. It took a while, but we managed to get them to agree on paying you seventy-five thousand yen a month. That's rent and other living expenses included."

Rei's eyes widen, and he's about to protest further when Makoto suddenly grabs his hand from his spot on the floor. "I know how you feel, but... I don't think there's anything we can do about it now. Just... please sit down. Okay?"

He sits down, but Rei still hasn't quite calmed down. "But it's a lot of money. And it comes from people who don't consider me family. So why should I accept it? It feels wrong."

"It might feel wrong, but it's still their duty as your parents. Like I said, they might not consider themselves as such, but society still does. And I know accepting money from them when... things are the way they are might be difficult, but please try and bear with it."

It's not easy, but he knows he'll have to. He can't really contact his parents and tell them he'll refuse their money. What good is that going to do? Of course, they'd probably be very glad to get out of it, but he knows Makoto's parents would just do this entire process all over again. And he doesn't want to put them through more than he already has, so, naturally — he doesn't have much of a choice.

 

* * *

 

Jun and Yuiko leave not too long after they've finished their tea. There's an awkward atmosphere left when the apartment's empty once again, and both Rei and Makoto just stand in the hallway without saying anything for a few minutes, avoiding each other's glances. Rei is still angry about Yuiko and Jun meddling with something that doesn't bother them and something that wouldn't affect them if it was left alone.

But at the same time, he can't help but feel thankful that at least someone still cares about him to the point where they'd go out of their way like that to make things a little easier for him. If only it didn't have to involve those people who used to be his parents.

"Listen, Rei", Makoto says, finally breaking the silence, "I know you're not happy about this. Trust me, I know. I can't say I understand how you feel, because I've never been in that situation. But like Mum and Dad said... I think it's best if we just try and cope with it. Just see it as some sort of revenge; you're still getting something from them despite them having disowned you."

"How am I supposed to be happy about such a thing?" Rei asks, his voice trembling. "How could I  _possibly_ find happiness in something forcibly given to me by people who don't acknowledge me as their son anymore? All I'm going to see when I see the money in my account every month is something that isn't given to me out of love, sincerity and because someone cares about me. I don't want that."

Makoto walks towards him and takes him in his arms with a sigh. "I know. I know it'll be difficult, but... all you can really do is try and live with it, get used to the way things are. We can't really do much else about it. And I'm always here for you if it gets tough to deal with. It's a helpless situation, and I feel bad for not being able to do much more for you than I'd want to."

It really is a helpless situation, but Rei doesn't feel like arguing about the subject any longer. He hates giving up, but in this situation, there isn't much else he can do. He sighs and relaxes into Makoto's embrace. "I'm sorry for lashing out earlier. I will have to call your parents tomorrow and apologise, that wasn't very nice of me."

Makoto laughs. "Don't worry about it, I'm sure they understand." He nuzzles his nose into Rei's hair and tightens his embrace. "Let's just call it a day, okay? What do you say about taking a bath together again? I really liked that."

Rei winces and feels his face heat up. "But that's—"

"Don't worry, we don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just thought it'd be a nice and relaxing way to end a rather... weird evening. Or maybe you don't want to?"

He bites his lip before shaking his head. "No, that's not it... Okay, yes, I'd love to."

As Makoto said, they don't actually do anything in the bath besides just enjoying each other's company and letting all of the bad energy run out of them in the hot bath water. As usual, Rei sits in front of Makoto, leaning his head against Makoto's chest with his boyfriend's arms around him. This time, the silence isn't awkward or troubling, it's actually comfortable, and Rei doesn't feel the need to break the silence with unnecessary smalltalk.

Even if things get a little rough sometimes, at the end of the day, he still has Makoto to come home to, two loving bonus "parents" in Iwatobi who care about and want the best for him, and friends he can always hang out with to forget about his worries for a while. And right now, that's all he needs to get through his day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The average financial aid you receive at Japanese universities is around 70-80.000 yen per month, which is roughly $680. The Japanese currency makes it sound like a _lot_ of money, though.
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	18. Five again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as they're about to give up hope, Rei, Nagisa and Gou receive some good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day yesterday! I did a quick little [Makorei something](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/post/111023691148/makorei-thing-for-valentines-day-of-course-i-had) just to contribute... somehow. Whether you celebrated it or not, I hope it was a wonderful day!

During the week, the three current members of the swim team finally manage to get proper permission to use the swimming pool at ITSC. Not that they have much use for it right now with only two members — excluding Gou as the manager — but at least they know that they'll be able to use it after school whenever their club is fully assembled.

It doesn't look too bright right now, though, but Rei stubbornly clings to his hope that there's going to be someone knocking on the door to the old storage where their club room still is after these two years. He can't just give up and disband the club, not after all the hard work his predecessors have done to make this a reality. They'd gotten so far and experienced so much together that it would be like an insult to Haruka and Makoto by just giving it up.

So Rei keeps his hope up. Their posters haven't been taken down yet, which helps him to stay positive. They'd gone over what kind of design they should have on the posters so many times Rei had lost count. Nagisa wanted to go for a 'fun' approach, while both Rei and Gou thought it would be best to look a little more professional, as their 'fun' image hadn't really attracted members before.

Nagisa leans back in his chair with a pout. "We still haven't had anyone show interest in joining the club. I told you we should've gone with my idea."

"I don't think that's the problem, Nagisa-kun", Gou says with a deadpan tone in her voice, and Nagisa groans.

"I wanna swim! I wanna go to tournaments and win them with our team!"

Rei closes his bento with a sigh. Of course he shares Nagisa's sentiments, but there's really no point in complaining about it as it won't really help their case. He mostly just feels bad because it feels like he's not able to live up to the role as Iwatobi swim club's team captain when he's not able to bring in new members. He doesn't know  _how_ to do it, and he doesn't really want to stand outside and hand out flyers to people — it's not beautiful and it's definitely below him.

"I feel the same, Nagisa-kun, but there isn't really anything we can do about it. We just have to continue being patient. If we can't bring in any new members by winter break, then I guess—"

"We'll have to disband the club, after all?!"

Rei puts his hand up. "Relax. That's our very last option, and we have to do our best to make sure it doesn't become a necessity. I mean that we just have to really start rethinking our 'campaigning', if that's what you could call it. We'll just stick to what we're doing right now, making sure that the posters stay up and hope for the best."

"I still think we should try and stick out more", Nagisa says as he looks out the window. Rei chooses not to say anything else on the matter, and it seems Gou's thinking the same.

When lunch is just about over, the three of them leave the classroom to return to their own. Looking out the window, Rei watches orange leaves fall from the trees, and he sighs. It's autumn, and soon enough, it'll be winter. He doesn't do well in cold weather and is quite sensitive to it, so whenever autumn rolls around, his mood drops considerably. They usually get snow in mid-November, and then it stays until mid-March, so it's four months with snow that Rei has to suffer through every year.

 _If only Makoto and I could afford to move abroad to some place where they don't even know what snow is_.

"Ryuugazaki-senpai!"

"Hazuki-senpai!"

Two unknown voices call Rei's and Nagisa's names, and all three of them turn around. Two guys catch up to them, and they bow slightly.

"Sorry for stopping you", a raven-haired boy says, slightly out of breath. "We... we saw your race against Samezuka last year. You were amazing!"

Rei, Nagisa and Gou look at each other, baffled, before Rei speaks up. "You did? We're... flattered", he says, but he's not sure if his feelings are properly conveyed through his voice and facial expression.

"Ah, sorry, I was being rude. I'm Yukimura Nobuo, this is Shinohara Kei."

"Hey", the other guy named Kei says, nodding. He's got short, messy orange hair, and he's rather tall. Rei guesses he's around Makoto's height, Makoto being six centimetres taller than himself. The raven-haired guy is considerably shorter, but not shorter than Nagisa and Gou.

"Hey!" Nagisa says, almost too enthusiastically. "Wow, I never expected people to come up to us and say things like that. Are you guys into swimming?"

The two of them exchange glances before Nobuo clears his throat. "Yeah, we are. We wanted to ask if... if you guys are still looking for members. We'd like to join the swim team."

Several people stop walking in the hallway and turn around when Nagisa screams, and Rei covers his face with his hand in embarrassment.

 

* * *

 

The five of them end up exchanging contact details — Gou finally getting to properly introduce herself with raven-haired Nobuo blushing as soon as they make eye contact — and then the three upperclassmen explain the basics about the swim club. The initiating process doesn't take more than just a minute or so, but it's very reminiscent of how Rei had joined the team nearly two years earlier. They aren't too meticulous about the details, so they decide to just let the two new guys join immediately.

Having decided that they'll have a more formal introduction in the clubroom the next day, they hurriedly part ways and head back to their respective classrooms. Rei's mind is full of all sorts of things, and he can't really concentrate during history class and restlessly shakes his leg under his desk whilest staring blankly down into his book. A wave of relief washes over him as he realises they've actually saved the swim club from getting disbanded — he can finally relax.

Well, _relax_ probably isn't the right word to use, as he still has the whole start-up process left to go through. They still haven't actually begun their club activities, obviously, and Rei has a lot of planning to do as far as their regimen goes. He decides to ask Makoto for some advice later that evening when he comes home from school.

Nagisa still hasn't digested the good news as they're walking to the train station together after classes have ended for the day. He's all giddy and jumpy, and can't stop rambling about what kind of plans he has for the club during their final year of high school. Rei is glad to have Nagisa by his side; someone who can put all the energy he wishes he had into this one thing he's actually very passionate about. It's not that he isn't enthusiastic, he just shows it differently. The two of them being captains doesn't seem like such an intimidating task anymore.

The train ride back to Kokubunji feels like it's taking longer than it usually does. Rei managed to get a seat on the train before they started getting into the more popular areas, so he can actually sit down and do some of his homework on the way home, which makes the train ride easier to sit through. He usually doesn't mind the train ride between Kokubunji and Iwatobi, but he's extra keen on getting home as soon as possible now that he's got good news.

He almost runs all the way home from the station back in Kokubunji, and when he opens the door to the apartment, he's met with shock as he hears an unknown voice inside.

"... but I don't think that's until next week, so it''ll probably be fine."

"You think? I sure hope so. Thanks for the help, though."

Rei silently steps inside, and almost immediately, Makoto's voice reaches his ears.

"Oh, Rei, there you are. Welcome home."

He flinches, but decides not to try and hide anymore. Having taken off his shoes and put his bag in the hallway corner, he steps in to the living room area. "I'm home", he says hesitantly, and Makoto smiles.

"This is Matsuda Youhei, a guy in my physics class."

The guy in question waves at Rei with a little smile. "Hey. Sorry for intruding."

"Ah, no — no problem", Rei replies before sitting down by the kotatsu. Why does  _he_ have to be the one to hold back? He lives here, after all. Besides, this guy isn't actually that intimidating. He seems nice, and Rei feels like he can relax.

Matsuda gets up, and Rei looks at him in confusion. "Ah, you don't really have to leave, you can stay if you want", he hurriedly says. Matsuda waves his hand dismissively. "Thank you, but I have to pick my sister up from the airport in an hour and a half... so I'd better drive over there now to be in time. Traffic and all", he explains.

"Oh", Rei says, dumbfounded. "Well, it was... nice to meet you."

"You too! I'm sure we'll see each other again, if you guys'll let me come over, that is."

Makoto laughs. "Sure."

He walks Matsuda out into the hallway, and Rei stays in place. He turns on the TV and starts flipping through the channels as to not eavesdrop on Makoto's and Matsuda's conversation just behind him. Their apartment is obviously really small, but in these situations where you'd want to give others some privacy and can't — that's when it becomes almost too obvious.

 _Having more than four people in here would definitely be a problem_ , Rei thinks.

Matsuda leaves, and Makoto comes back inside. He kisses Rei on the head before he sits down next to him and leans against his shoulder. "How was your day?"

"It was good", Rei says, and remembers why he'd hurried home in the first place. "I have good news."

"You do?" Makoto sits up properly. "What's up?"

Rei smiles a little. "We got two new members today. To the swim team, I mean."

Makoto's eyes widen, and he stares at Rei in shock. "Wait. Wait, how? What?!"

"Two second-year students stopped us in the hallway after lunch, and they told us they saw our race at the national tournament last year. They told us they wanted to join, so we talked to them for a bit and... well, that was pretty much what happened. We can finally start up club activities again."

He's relieved when he says it, letting it finally sink in that their team is complete once again. Of course, he has yet to see the capabilities of the two new members, but he chooses to believe that they're at least better than he was when he first joined.

Makoto throws his arms around him and laughs. "I'm so happy for you. Congrats, Rei."

"I— th-thank you", he says, baffled. "I'm going to do my best to make sure I live up to the captain role. I don't want to let your and Haruka-senpai's efforts be in vain."

Laughing, Makoto pets Rei's head. "I know you will. You're always so diligent when it comes to your duties, so I don't think you'll have too much trouble with it. But if you do, you'll always have Nagisa there to help you, anyway. Right?"

"Yeah", Rei says as Makoto lets go of him, but his smile still hasn't disappeared. "I was wondering if maybe you could help me sometime to plan our regimen. You don't have to, I'm just asking if you can; I know you have a lot of—"

"It's fine, I can try to help. Though I never really did much of it when I was captain, so I don't know how much I can help you", Makoto confesses. "I'll try and give you some tips, but ask Gou, too. She was the one who did most of it for us when we were still at Iwatobi, after all. Or maybe you could call Rin?"

Rei nods slowly. "I could do that. So you don't want to?"

"No, that's not it", Makoto retorts quickly. "I'm just saying that they can be your plan B. We can go over the regimen during the weekend, what do you say?"

"Absolutely. Thank you", he says, and almost adds  _Makoto-senpai_ at the end, dangerously close to slipping into his old habits. Makoto's stated how he feels about Rei calling him that now that they're dating, and Rei really doesn't want for Makoto to think that they're distant or anything like that. Now that Makoto's no longer in high school, honorifics aren't needed, and no matter how much Rei wants to show respect, adding  _-senpai_ to Makoto's name would only do the opposite at this point.

 

* * *

 

They watch TV for a while, but as there isn't anything too interesting, they end up turning it off after having gone through most all of their channels. Since neither one of them is in the mood to cook, they decide to go out to Akane Udon just across the street from the apartment building. By this point, Rei has pretty much given up on the whole "no junk food whatsoever"-philosophy he's been holding onto for as long as he can remember. They barely eat out anyway, so it doesn't really do much harm.

It's the first time Rei and Makoto visit Akane Udon, but they both agree that they'll be back. The pricing is reasonable and the food's pretty good, so Rei doesn't see a reason why they wouldn't go back. Well, if it wasn't for the fact that the food isn't too healthy, but as long as they don't make it into a weekly habit or so, it should be fine. And even though it's rather cheap, it's certainly not the cheapest option for them considering cooking for themselves is cheaper.

After having almost too much udon and beef broth — at least according to Rei — they prepare to go home. Makoto looks out the window as he gets up from his chair, and he sighs.

"Ah, man... it started raining. Good thing we live across the street. We should probably start bringing our umbrellas with us wherever we go from now on."

Rei looks out on the already soaked sidewalk and at the people walking by outside; at least they brought umbrellas. "Yeah. And soon it's going to start snowing, too."

"I wish we could just stay inside all winter", Makoto groans as they leave the restaurant and walk with long strides towards their apartment building. "Just imagine if we did like bears, just went into hibernation as soon as it starts snowing, and then we'll wake up again when it's all melted and gone."

Rei laughs. "That would certainly be convenient. I think we'd both get kicked out of school if we did, though."

"Yeah, but if  _everyone_ did it, it'd just be normal, right?"

Listening to Makoto's incomprehensible ramblings amuses Rei for their short walk home. As they walk inside the door, they're both wet, but thankfully not completely soaked. Rei shivers a bit as he's gotten quite cold, and he quickly removes his sweater.

"We should get into the bath quickly so we won't catch a cold", he says, and Makoto is quick to turn his curious glance towards Rei, making him blush and look away. "What?"

"Wanna get in together?"

Rei goes silent, and he pouts. "I didn't say that, I—"

"It'd be good for the both of us since the other won't have to wait. You said it yourself, we should get in the bath quickly before we catch a cold. So?"

Crossing his arms, Rei still refuses to meet Makoto's eyes. "... Fine."

Makoto laughs before he puts his arms around his boyfriend with a sigh. "I'm so glad you came with me to Tokyo, and I'm glad things worked out in the end."

Hesitantly, Rei buries his face in Makoto's shirt, and Makoto tightens his embrace in return. "I am, too. Now, we  _really_ should get in the bath."

"Ah, you're right." Makoto laughs again, making Rei's heart flutter in his chest. He's the happiest he's been in a long time, and he wants to desperately cling onto this happiness for as long as he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	19. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Rei talk to Rin over Skype and Rin helps out to form the new regimen for Team Iwatobi. Makoto still tries getting a hold of Haru every once in a while, and he finally, _finally_ manages to get a hold of him.

_Makoto_.

 

Biting on the tip of his pen, Makoto glances at the clock hanging on the wall. He's got half an hour left, and then the time for his anatomy and physiology exam is up. He's still got two questions left to answer, and they both require him to write long answers. It hasn't been too difficult, thankfully — he just has a habit of wanting to perfect everything and writing slightly too long answers.

He twirls his pen between two fingers, chewing on his lower lip as he stares down at the multitude of words he's jotted down in the past hour. He's anxious to get out of the classroom and leave campus to get home. It's been a long day as usual, and he just wants it to end so he can go home and spend time with Rei. Though he's fairly certain Rei isn't going to be home until around six anyway since they have club activities, so he doesn't really have to hurry.

Just as the teacher is about to announce that they have fifteen minutes left, Makoto finally puts his pen down and considers himself done. He gathers his papers, gets up from his seat and goes up to the front of the classroom to deliver them to his teacher.

"How did you find the test?" the teacher asks him in a hushed voice as he puts them on the desk.

Makoto smiles a little. "It was okay. I don't want to jinx myself, but I have a good feeling about it."

The teacher returns his smile and nods. "I see. Good job, and I'll see you on Monday. Have a nice weekend, Tachibana-kun."

"Yes. You too, sensei", he says before bowing slightly and exiting the classroom. Shortly after he does, someone else comes out after him and taps him on the shoulder. He turns around, and it's one of the girls who usually sit next to him during lectures, Ishida Miyuki.

"Hey, Makoto-kun! How'd it go?"

"Ah, hello, Miyuki-san. It went fine, I hope. At least I feel like it did. What about you?"

She grins. "Yeah, same here. I don't know, some of the questions were really difficult, but I hope I did okay."

"I hope so, too."

"Are you heading home now?"

He nods and readjusts the shoulder strap on his bag so it doesn't fall down. The books in his bag are heavy, and he can't wait to get home and dump his bag on the floor, not having to care about it for the remainder of that day. "I am, and you?"

"I'm actually going to meet a friend of mine who studies politics across campus... otherwise we could've walked home together. Sorry!" she says, clasping her hands together and smiling apologetically.

Makoto shakes his head and puts his hands up in a placating gesture. "It's fine, don't worry. I'll see you on Monday for PE and health, right?"

"Yeah! Oh, by the way — my friend Satomi has a party next Saturday. You wanna come? There's going to be a bunch of people from our anatomy group there, as well as others. You can bring a friend if you want."

Makoto raises his eyebrows. "Are you sure it's okay for me to come?"

"Of course! She told me to invite a few. I've already had two friends cancel on me, though."

He fidgets a little, still not too sure on the idea. He's never really been to a party before, and he doesn't know what to do when in such a situation. It's true that once he warms up to people, he can be quite social, but when it comes to a bunch of strangers, he isn't too sure of himself. There's one thing in particular that worries him, though, and he decides to voice his worries.

"But we're minors, Miyuki-san."

She waves dismissively with her hand and laughs. "Almost everyone is, but don't worry about that — it's just a flat party and the police won't come as long as we're not blasting our music too loud. So, what do you say?"

Makoto doesn't know who else to invite but Rei. He hasn't talked to Haru in weeks, and his best friend probably wouldn't even be interested in going, anyway.

"Okay, yes — I'm going", he finally replies with a little laugh. "Thank you for inviting me, I'll bring someone."

Miyuki nods in approval, still smiling. "Great! We'll discuss the details as we get closer, alright? I should probably go, don't wanna keep my friend waiting. Have a nice weekend, Makoto-kun."

"Sounds good. You too, Miyuki-san."

They part ways, and Makoto starts heading towards the exit of the social humanities building. It's just past four in the afternoon, and the sun is already setting as he leaves campus and walks home. The leaves on the trees are still quite plentiful, but they've gone from green to a reddish yellow colour. Soon enough, the trees will be bare and it'll get really cold. Makoto isn't looking forward to it, much like every year. It's a mystery as to how he hasn't just gotten used to it already.

He walks fast to try and keep warm, and thanks to this, he makes it home in roughly five minutes as opposed to the usual ten if he were to walk at a normal pace. Being tall with long legs has its advantages, especially in these cases, and also in swimming. He misses swimming; it's been far too long since he dove into a pool and went for a swim. Things are very different now from how they were when he was still at Iwatobi, being able to swim pretty much every day.

Now when he's in Tokyo and at university, he doesn't really have that much time to go for even a leisurely swim, despite the fact that they do have a swim club. Maybe when things slow down a bit, he'll consider joining the club, because he really wants to continue to stay in shape. Makoto really envies Rei who still attends Iwatobi and gets to use that pool and the one at ITSC whenever he wants to.

 

* * *

 

Makoto walks in through the door and says his usual greeting, but doesn't hear anything in response. He assumes Rei hasn't come home yet, and goes to take off his jacket and shoes. But when he comes into the living room, Rei is very much at home, but studying. There are textbooks, loose notes and notebooks all over their kotatsu table, and Makoto reads the title on one of the notes as _Training Regimen_ , though it's currently empty.

He quietly sits down next to Rei and kisses him on the cheek, causing his boyfriend to jump and gasp. "M—Makoto?! When did you—"

"Just now", Makoto replies with a smile before kissing Rei on the top of his head. "I said 'I'm home' when I walked in through the door, but I guess you didn't hear me, huh."

Rei frowns. "I didn't. I'm sorry... Welcome home."

"You seem busy, I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

The dark blue-haired boy shakes his head. "It's fine, I was just going over some of the things we did in classes today, and trying to figure out a training regimen for the team."

Makoto ponders for a bit, and then has an idea. "Hey, since it's not too late yet, why don't we try calling Rin on Skype and see if he has some suggestions?"

They put Rei's notes and books in order before getting out Makoto's university laptop and launching Skype. Rin is online, but it takes him a while to pick up the video call, and as he does, Makoto and Rei discover a very dishevelled redhead on the screen.

"Hey, you two", he says and smiles. "Haven't talked to you in a while. What's up?"

"Rin, you don't look too good. Are you sick?" Makoto asks with concern in his voice. Rin shrugs. "A little, I guess. It's nothing big, though, just a cold. I can't swim as long as I have it, and it's driving me nuts."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Get well soon, Rin-san", Rei says. "Are you well enough to talk?"

"Thanks. Yeah, that's fine. Is there something going on?"

"Well, we wanted to know if maybe you have some advice for Rei — he's in the middle of trying to compose a regimen for the swim team."

Rin raises his eyebrows. "Oh yeah, you're the new captain. Congrats!"

Rei looks down at his hands folded in his lap, and Makoto notices a faint blush on his cheeks, which makes him smile. "Thank you, Rin-san."

They begin their discussing and planning, and it doesn't take long before Rin completely forgets about his cold and goes into overdrive and babbles on about several different exercises; which are good for a certain time or swimmer, what they should eat (Makoto suspects Rin's been talking to Gou a lot) and how they should be training when they're not in the pool.

Nearly forty minutes later, Rei is finally finished with his regimen, and they consider it a completed mission, moving on to talk about what's going on in their lives outside of the pool. Rin has a regional tournament coming up, which helps Makoto and Rei understand why Rin seems extra infuriated with not being able to swim at the moment. He's staying with the same family he stayed with when he lived in Australia several years ago, making it way cheaper than if he would've lived in the university's halls of residence.

"They've kinda got the idea that just because Haru loves mackerel so much, they end up cooking it way too often for me", Rin complains. "It's not that I hate it, but I definitely don't like it as much as Haru does. I'm getting tired of it, really."

"And you're too nice of a person to say you don't want any", Makoto teases, and receives a glare from his friend on the screen.

"Speaking of Haru, have you guys gotten a hold of him yet?"

Makoto and Rei exchange glances, both realising they haven't actually tried for a few weeks now. "I haven't tried calling him since last time I talked to you", Makoto admits, and Rin sighs.

"Well, you're busy with studying otherwise, so I can't blame you. I've been the same, though I've left him a couple of voice messages. He sent me a text  _once_ saying things were okay and that he was just busy, but that's it. He's never been one to stay in touch, after all."

Makoto nods and smiles a little. He realises what a fool he's been for believing it would actually get rather easy to stay in touch and be friends with Haruka now that they'd both moved to Tokyo and gotten a fresh start on their friendship. And not just for Haru and himself — Haru and Rei, too. And he knows that even though Rei's been hesitant on trying to contact Haru, at least he's tried. He's just going to have to be patient for now and wait until things slow down for Haru.

Finishing up their call with Rin, the two of them decide on having a light dinner consisting of kakitama-jiru, rice and settling for tuna since they don't have any mackerel and don't feel like going to the family mart by the station just to get some. It obviously doesn't taste the same, and Makoto realises tuna  _definitely_ doesn't go well with kakitama-jiru.

"How did your exam go today, by the way?" Rei asks as they sit down by the kotatsu to start dinner.

"It went pretty well, I think", Makoto says with a little shrug. "I feel like I did okay; I answered all of the questions at least, and finished well before the time was up."

Rei nods, smiling. "I'm glad to hear that. Are you nervous about the results, though? It was your first exam, after all."

"Yeah, I guess I am. I just... really wanna do well now that I finally made it into Gakudai, you know?"

"It's completely understandable. Don't stress yourself out, though. If you need to take a break, then do so. I know you want to do well, but please put your mental health first."

Makoto can't help but smile at his boyfriend's concern for him. He thinks back to the time when he and Rei were almost constantly 'bickering' about how Rei felt inadequate and how he didn't think he'd ever be good enough for Makoto. Makoto almost wants to think that it's pretty much the opposite, but knows that if he were to voice his thoughts out loud, Rei would certainly argue it, and they'd be back to pretty much where their relationship started.

Just as much as he's working on his self-confidence, he's very aware of the fact that Rei is, too. His struggle is very evident sometimes, when Makoto can literally tell that Rei wants to say something that's putting himself down, but Rei always stops himself before saying anything.

"Okay, I will", Makoto says and takes Rei's hand over the table. "I don't want to make you worry, and... you're right, I should put my health before anything else. Right now, it isn't so bad, though — so I think it's fine. I'm sure you'll notice when I start getting stressed, though. You tend to do that", he finishes with a grin, which makes Rei blush.

Rei's always been almost scarily observant; it's something Makoto realised not too long after they'd first met. Rei had noticed Makoto's changed behaviour at the training camp when he'd gotten into the ocean to try and save Rei, pointing it out afterwards much to Haruka's annoyance. It wasn't anything Makoto thought of immediately, but it was something he realised a while later, after having gotten to know Rei a little better and finding out these things about him.

 

* * *

 

During the week, he leaves a few voice messages in Haruka's inbox, but doesn't get an answer until late Saturday. He's just getting out of the shower when he notices his phone ringing, and he almost jumps up when he notices it's Haru calling. Rei, who's sitting up in bed reading, casts him a questioning glance, but doesn't say anything.

"Haru? Haru, is that you?!" he asks, almost too excitedly. He hears an annoyed sigh at the other end.

" _Yes, it's me — don't yell_."

He laughs a little. "Sorry. I haven't talked to you in forever! How are you?"

" _Good. Busy. Sorry I haven't been in touch... I just talked to Rin about it and he wasn't happy. I also need to call Nagisa after this. Oh and... tell Rei I'm sorry, too._ "

Makoto smiles a little to himself as he goes to sit down on the bed. He swings a towel around his shoulders to prevent water from dripping from his hair onto the tatami mat. "Okay, I will. I can imagine Rin yelling at you, but you kinda deserve it, too. We've all been calling you like mad for a while now. So, anyway — what's going on with you, then?"

" _I'm swimming pretty much every day. Coach is such a strict, boring guy, but he's good. Working out at the gym and stuff, too. Might get a sponsor soon_."

Makoto nearly drops his phone as his first impulse is to clap his hands together in excitement. He catches himself just as he's about to drop the phone, and instead elects to widen his smile, even though Haru still can't see him. Rei looks at him again with a raised eyebrow, and he mimics  _I'll explain soon_ , after which Rei nods in acknowledgement.

"I'm so glad for you! Wow, that didn't take long, did it?"

" _I haven't gotten one yet_ ", Haru says. " _I said that I might get one soon, nothing's settled._ "

"Still, you've at least gotten  _somewhere_  compared to how things were before you moved."

Haru's never been one to brag or even talk that much about things going well in his life, and Makoto's always had to be the one to remind him that he does have talent and that his success is something worth talking about and being happy about, too. Most people would probably say Haru seems apathetic to most things, but it's far from the truth Makoto's lived with since he was young.

" _I guess_ ", Haru admits. " _How are you doing?_ " _  
_

"Pretty okay. I had an exam today, and I feel... cautiously optimistic about it. Don't wanna jinx myself, though."

" _Oh. I hope you did well. No, I'm pretty sure you did — you always do. Oh, I almost forgot. I have a few slots free next week. We should meet_."

Makoto perks up. "Really?! Yes, we definitely should! When and... er, where?"

He's afraid to ask if Rei's allowed to join and bites his bottom lip. Sure, the two of them  _did_  make up just a few months before they moved to Tokyo, but they haven't really seen or talked to each other since then. A thing like this is definitely not going to blow over that fast, even though it's been a few months since even Makoto and Haruka saw each other.

It'll take time, and Makoto's prepared to do anything for their friendship to heal and go back to something similar of what it used to be. It'll never be the same, but at least it can get better — that's what Makoto tries to tell himself a lot.

" _I only have morning classes on Wednesday, and two hours of practice after that. Do you wanna meet outside the station that's just between us? What's it called again?_ "

Makoto ponders for a bit before the name pops up in his head. He still hasn't quite figured out the names of the areas around them; just finding his way around the surrounding places is difficult enough. "Musashikoganei, was it? What time?" _  
_

" _Be there around five, I should be done by then. I should go, I need to go buy groceries. I'll talk to you later, and see you on Wednesday._ "

"Okay. See you on Wednesday, Haru-chan."

Haru sighs again. " _I told you to lay off the -chan_."

They hang up, and Makoto gets up from the bed to dry his hair off with the towel one last time and then throw it in the laundry basket. When he sits down again, Rei peers up from his book at him, and Makoto smiles. "Curious?"

"A little", Rei confesses. "You seemed excited."

"Haru might get a sponsor. He's been really busy with training and classes much like ourselves, and he wants to apologise to everyone for not getting back to us when we've called him. You too", he adds when he senses Rei's change of mood.

"I see. I'm glad things are going well for him", Rei says. He puts his bookmark in his book before putting it on the night-stand and taking off his glasses. Makoto crawls under the duvet, soon joined by Rei. He takes Rei's hand under the covers and brings it to his lips, kissing his knuckles. "If I were to go see Haru, would you want to come with me?"

Rei tenses up a little. "Are you sure that's okay with Haruka-senpai?"

Makoto shrugs and brings his arms around Rei. "I don't know. But if it  _was_ , would you? I'm going to see him after classes on Wednesday."

He doesn't want to push them; Makoto knows it's probably going to be a long process for Rei and Haru to be able to hang out normally again. It's all about being patient, supportive and resisting the urge to interfere with said process, and it's something Makoto knows he'll find difficult along the road.

Rei sighs before he hugs Makoto back. "I guess I would. It all depends on Haruka-senpai, though, and if he doesn't wish for me to be there, I won't impose."

"Okay. I'm sure things'll work out fine, we'll just have to be patient", Makoto replies.

And as much as he wants to be optimistic, he doesn't find it easy to even believe in his own words.

 

* * *

 

Monday goes by without any problems; he has his first lecture in practical teaching and ends up taking almost too many notes. It's very fascinating to him, and he's reminded of just how much he really wants to become a swimming coach for children. It's going to take him a few years, but the modules he's taking are interesting and will most certainly keep his interests alive for the three years he'll spend at Gakudai.

Tuesday is a short day, and he spends the afternoon with his new friends in the library studying and just hanging out. There's a small cafeteria inside where they can get sweets, sandwiches, coffee, tea and lighter meals for a pretty good price. Makoto's never been much of a coffee person, and he stands out among his friends as the only one who gets tea.

"Have you tried anything other than regular coffee, Makoto-kun?" Touka asks him as they sit down in one of the quieter corners of the library. He shrugs.

"I haven't, actually", he confesses. "I guess I just don't really like the taste of  _coffee_ , you know. Tea is easier to drink, and it definitely isn't as strong as coffee. I don't think I'd be able to go to sleep at night if I drank coffee."

"Oh", she says, looking a little disappointed. "You could try like a cappuccino with lots of sugar... or something."

"That sounds gross", Kenji says as he joins them and sits down with a cup of coffee with milk and a doughnut. "If anything  _that_ would keep you up all night because of all the sugar. Don't make such a fuss about him not drinking coffee, it's not a big deal. Besides, tea is a lot healthier."

Touka shrugs and leans back against the couch. "I was just wondering, that's all. Trying to widen his horizons, you know."

"And trying to shorten his life-span. Hey, can I borrow someone's notes from the politics lecture? I kinda fell asleep halfway through it, and my notes up until that point don't make much sense."

"Sure, you can use mine", Makoto says and starts scrambling through his bag for his notebook just before Touka slaps him on the arm. "Ouch!"

"You're being too nice, Makoto-kun. It's not your responsibility to make sure he passes his modules; it's all up to him."

"What if he just wants to be nice?! You really love picking on me, don't you?" Kenji barks at a completely unfazed Touka. Makoto smiles a little as he puts his notebook on the table in front of Kenji.

"It's okay, really."

Touka sighs and crosses her arms while Kenji thanks Makoto and brings out his own notebook and pen to start copying Makoto's notes.

Soon enough, Miyuki joins them as well, and she's brought a friend with her who introduces herself as Satomi, which Makoto remembers to be the friend who's hosting the party this coming weekend.

"Are you still up for coming to the party, Makoto-kun?" Miyuki asks, and he looks up from his anatomy book.

"Sure", he says. "I hope it's okay for me to come?"

Satomi nods with a smile. "Absolutely! We've got a pretty big flat, and half of my flatmates won't even be home, so there's lots of space. Are you bringing someone?"

He remembers that he hasn't actually asked Rei about it yet, and he's not sure if Rei's too keen on the idea. "I might, but I'm not sure yet."

"Alright. Well, the more the merrier, but you don't really have to. If you wanna drink something at the party, either bring your own stuff or take some money with you and you can have some of what we're buying. It won't be too expensive, I promise."

Makoto squirms a bit in his seat. "I don't know if I'll be drinking... I don't know how well I can handle alcohol."

Satomi leans forward, her eyes widening in surprise. "You've never had alcohol before?"

"No", he says in a small voice. "I've never really been to a party like that, either."

Satomi and Miyuki both laugh, and Miyuki places a hand on his arm. "Oh, Makoto-kun... this'll definitely be a night you won't forget. I'll make sure you'll get plenty to drink, and it'll be all on me."

Slightly panicked, he puts his hands up. "No, no — I can't let you do that. And besides... well, I don't want to drink...  _too_ much."

"But some?"

He opens his mouth to protest, but closes it again and pouts. A few seconds later, he sighs. "Okay."

"Good! Ah, this is going to be great."

 

* * *

 

Finally, when his last seminar on Wednesday has ended, Makoto nearly sprints out the door and down the stairs to exit the building. It feels like it's been forever since he's seen his best friend, and in a way — it's true. Before they graduated, Makoto and Haruka hadn't been separated for more than a day at once, and now that it's been  _months_ , it feels like so much longer than that.

Not being able to keep quiet, Makoto had asked Haruka the night before if it was okay if Rei joined them. He'd specified that it was fine if Haru just wanted it to be the two of them, but to his surprise, Haru had actually agreed.

So by this time, Rei's probably on the train on his way to their meeting spot, and if Makoto gets lucky, maybe he'll be able to arrive around the same time, since Rei's club activities ended around four and it'd take him roughly an hour to Musashikoganei. Makoto can't wait to ask Rei how things are going now that the swim club's finally started their exercises as a fully assembled team. He's really proud of Rei for sticking with it and not giving up when they didn't get new members, and he's glad that Rei's, Nagisa's and Gou's patience is paying off in the end.

Makoto takes the short train ride from Kokubunji to Musashikoganei, clocking in at ten minutes to five. He decides to wait outside Yoshinoya, which is a restaurant just across the street from the station, and he texts both Haru and Rei to let them know where he is. When he's done, he puts his phone back in his pocket and looks around the area. He's never gotten off at Musashikoganei before, so this place is completely unfamiliar to him.

It feels more city and is a lot busier than Kokubunji station is. From where he's standing, he can't see any minimarts or anything, just tall business buildings and the one restaurant he's standing in front of. Tokyo in general is a very busy place, which Makoto really doesn't mind. Sometimes he finds the calm of Iwatobi almost  _too_ calm; he wants to feel like he lives in a place where others live, too. And this certainly feels like such a place. Not that he dislikes the occasional peace and quiet, but too much of it and he feels like something's off.

As he's looking around him and familiarising himself with the surroundings, he hears someone call his name from across the street, and when he looks — he sees both Rei and Haruka, the former waving and the other just looking at him, nodding once. A strange feeling forms within Makoto, but he shakes it off immediately as they both approach him. He silently prays to himself that this gathering won't turn into a catastrophe, and he greets his best friend and boyfriend with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	20. Small steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Makoto meet Haruka after all these months, and spend an afternoon plus evening with him.

Rei, Nagisa, Gou and Nobuo stand by the pool and watch Kei do his final backstroke lap. Rei occasionally casts amused glances at Gou, who's completely in awe by the second-year in the pool. He guesses it mostly has to do with the fact that Kei has rather impressive muscles. Not only that; he's a very fast swimmer and with some training, he could get dangerously close to beating Makoto's times.

Not that this is something Rei is planning on telling his boyfriend, though.

"Wow, Kei-kun — that was great!" Gou exclaims as their underclassman gets out of the pool with the help of Nobuo. Rei nods approvingly, his arms crossed.

"I'm very impressed by your lap times", he says. "Both of you, I should say. I feel very confident about this year's tournaments."

"It's nothing, really", Kei mumbles and looks away, visibly embarrassed. Nobuo laughs and slaps him on the back.

"It is, though. And thank you, captain Ryuugazaki! We've both been training hard this past year so we could join—"

"You don't have to tell them that", comes Kei's voice again, and they all laugh this time. Kei is a little reminiscent of Haruka, Rei thinks to himself. His upperclassman was never one to take too kindly to compliments, and always brushed them off with a "it's nothing" or just a simple glare.

It might not seem like a lot has changed on the outside, but Rei still feels the absence of both Haruka and Makoto. It's still difficult getting used to being the captain and with them not being around anymore, but he's trying his best to fill their shoes, and doing his duty as the team captain.

"Too bad Goro-chan couldn't be here", Nagisa sighs. "I think he'd be impressed, too. Ah, I'm so excited! This year's already looking awesome, I can't wait for us to enter tournaments. I can't wait to race Ai-chan and... what was his name again...?"

Gou laughs. "Momotarou-kun. I know, I messed up his name a few times, too. Well, now that we do have a fully assembled team, I could contact Aiichirou-kun and see if maybe we couldn't have a practice race, Samezuka versus Iwatobi. What do you say?"

Nagisa cheers in response while the two new members look a little insecure. Rei smiles. "If you don't want to, we certainly won't force you. We don't have to do it."

Nobuo shakes his head furiously. "No, that's not it — I'd love to! I'm just a little nervous, it'll be our first official race."

"It's not official, they just said so", Kei retorts. "I don't mind. It... sounds fun."

Gou claps her hands together. "Great! Then I'll see what I can do."

 

* * *

 

"Next stop, Musashikoganei. Please mind the gap when leaving the train."

Rei looks up from his book. Several people around him have gotten up from their seats, getting ready to get off the train. He closes his book, puts it in his bag and gets up as well. He takes a deep breath and walks towards the closest door, and soon enough, the train slows down and stops.

He'd be lying to himself if he wouldn't admit to being nervous. Rei hasn't seen Haruka since the day they all said goodbye to Rin who was moving to Australia, and that was over three months ago. Sure, Haruka had said he wanted to try and be friends again, to start over, but will that really be easy? Rei doubts it, not that he's not willing to try — he definitely is. But how is he going to approach Haruka after all this time of not having had any contact at all, and with their friendship still being so brittle?

The doors open and he steps out. Before leaving the platform, Rei straightens his tie and takes a deep breath.  _Positive thoughts_. It won't do him any good to keep thinking it's all going to go down the drain, so he tries to promise himself to keep a positive outlook on his meeting with Haruka.

To be honest, he'd been a little hesitant on saying yes when Makoto asked if he wanted to come along. He felt like this was a time where it would be best if only Haruka and Makoto met, with them being best friends and all. Rei just doesn't feel like he fits in with that equation; he's just someone who comes along because he's dating one of them. But now that he's been invited, and even Haruka had said it was fine, he tries telling himself that he  _is_ wanted there, and that he's not going to be the third wheel.

When he comes down into the arrival hall, someone taps him on the shoulder and he flinches. Turning around, his eyes meet a pair of deep blue ones, and he gasps in surprise.

"H-Haruka-senpai! Hello, it's— it's been a while", he says hurriedly and awkwardly. Haruka nods once.

"It has. How've you been?"

"Good, but starting to get busy. We... finally managed to get two new members to the team, a backstroke and a butterfly swimmer."

Haruka raises his eyebrows in what looks like surprise. "Oh. How are they?"

"They're both very good, actually. I have high hopes for them."

"I see. That's a good thing. How do you feel managing it?"

"So far, it's going well. Nagisa-kun and Gou-san help me out a lot, too, so it's not too bad. Rin-san helped me plan our regimen the other day, too." He scratches his head, smiling awkwardly. "It seems I still rely on people a little too much."

Haruka shrugs. "It's a good thing to rely on others. And I don't think you are."

Silence falls between them and Rei lets his eyes fall to the ground. He feels like he's babbling about nonsense and that maybe he's boring Haruka, and now that it's quiet between them, he's hesitant on trying to start up a new conversation topic. But then he remembers they're not here to just see each other — Makoto's probably waiting outside somewhere.

"Ah, maybe we should go and see if—"

A faint buzzing in his pocket makes him jump, and he fishes out his phone.

 **Makoto** :

_I'm outside Yoshinoya across the street from the station's south exit. See you soon!_

Rei smiles to himself without thinking, but then he looks up at Haruka and it disappears just as quickly. Haruka's looking at his phone as well, and Rei assumes the two of them got the same message.

"Seems he's already here", Haruka says. "Let's go."

 

* * *

 

Meeting up outside Yoshinoya, the three of them decide to just go ahead and have a somewhat early dinner and then go out and do other things after. Haruka isn't too pleased with the limited items on the menu, but manages to find something that's at least  _somewhat_ to his liking after a while. Rei still isn't too fond of the idea of having fast food, but shrugs it off knowing he'll burn off those calories in the pool at Iwatobi High anyway. At least that's what he promises himself to do.

Seated near the very front of the restaurant by one of the windows, they smalltalk while having dinner. Haruka tells them about what he's been up to during the weeks he hasn't been in contact, and Rei and Makoto both share some stories of their own as well. Rei finds that it isn't actually as awkward hanging out with Haruka as he'd originally feared. Maybe it's a dumb thought, but Rei feels like they've all grown up a little since they last saw each other.

"How's the swimming practice going with the new team, Rei?" Haruka asks.

"It's going very well. We are participating in the upcoming prefectural tournament, and hopefully we will be able to proceed further from there. I have faith that we will. The new members are quite a good addition to the team."

"Okay. Glad to hear that." And he does, genuinely, seem like it, Rei notices. Haruka is a man of few words, but the sincerity in his voice is hard to miss.

"Maybe we should come and watch them?" Makoto suggests to Haruka. "I don't know, I would rather watch them in a regional tournament, but in the event that they won't make it that far—"

"We will", Rei assures the both of them, resolve strong in his voice. "Please do come see us at the regional tournament. I will make sure, as the new captain, that we make it there. And I want the two of you to come watch us as the former captains."

Makoto and Haruka switch glances, before Haruka smiles a little. It's a rare thing to see, but Rei's happy that he's getting to witness it after all this time. "Okay, I'll take your word for it. We'll see you at the regional tournament, then."

"Yes!"

 

* * *

 

After dinner, they walk around Musashikoganei for a bit to explore the area and familiarise themselves with it. They quickly realise that there isn't really that much to see there, so they take the train back to Kokubunji and walk around Tonogayato Gardens instead. It's getting dark, but it's not too cold, so they don't have to seek shelter somewhere warm just yet.

As they walk around the gardens, Rei listens to Makoto and Haruka talk, not feeling the need to chip in too often. He's glad the two of them are back to being best friends again, and it's even better that he can somehow fit in that equation as well. He does understand that he can't be with them every time they see each other, but it's not something that bothers him. Best friends need to be by themselves sometimes, without boyfriends or other people. Not that Rei would mind hanging out with both Makoto and Nagisa at the same time, sure — but it's not quite the same.

Besides, Rei gets to see Makoto every day anyway, and that's all that matters to him. Waking up and falling asleep next to him is something Rei would've never dreamed of doing every night and morning several months ago. Things have changed so rapidly it's sometimes difficult to keep up, but Rei likes the change. So far, there's nothing he can't handle, and even if it sometimes gets difficult, at least he has someone by his side to support him.

They walk along the narrow pathways which are surrounded by nothing but greenery; trees, bushes and other plants. The flowers have already stopped blooming, so there isn't much colour to the place anymore. Rei thinks it'll probably be beautiful during spring when everything comes back to life again, and makes a mental note to ask Makoto to come here again then.

There's a little house titled "Exhibition room" at the end of one of the pathways they've taken, but it's currently closed, so they can't go inside. Rei guesses it has to be some sort of greenhouse — at least that's what he hopes it is — and from having peeked in through the windows, it seems like he might be right.

As there isn't much else to do in the dark, they decide to call it a day. Well, not before Makoto invites Haruka over for a while, but Haruka denies and says he doesn't want to risk missing the last train, and walking from Kokubunji to Higashikoganei takes about an hour for some bizarre reason. So they part by the platforms, Haruka getting on his train and Rei and Makoto go over to their side to wait for their train.

They sit down on a nearby bench, and as they do, Rei feels Makoto's eyes on him. He looks to the side, and Makoto smiles.

"So what did you think?"

"About... what?"

"Hanging out with Haru again", Makoto clarifies. "I hope it wasn't too awkward or anything like that."

Rei shakes his head and smiles, too. "No, it wasn't. I'm glad I came along, it was rather enjoyable. Thank you for asking him if it was okay for me to come, too."

Makoto takes Rei's hand in his and sighs happily. "It's no big deal. I wanted the two of you to be able to hang out, too, as much as I wanted to be able to do the same with Haru. Things have obviously been a little fragile between all three of us, but I'm glad we're on the healing path... if you can call it that."

Laughing, Rei lets himself lean on Makoto's shoulder despite the risk of them being seen. Having been hesitant about the whole thing from the beginning, Rei now finds himself truly glad he was invited and decided to join them. Now that they're no longer in the high school environment, it's certainly nice to be able to hang out with Haruka even if they aren't swimming together or attending the same school anymore. It would've certainly been a lot more difficult had they lived in different cities, that's for sure.

He feels a little lighter as he goes to bed that night, his head resting on Makoto's chest as usual. Months ago, this isn't something he would've ever imagined. When Haruka had first caught them after the festival, he thought their friendship was over and unfixable. Rei feels bad for having thought so little about Haruka, but he also recognises the fact that he still doesn't know Haruka all that well. _Hopefully that'll change soon_ , he thinks to himself.

The feeling of happiness doesn't linger for too long as Rei drifts off into a series of nightmares, waking up covered in tears and sweat and being calmed down by Makoto.

"Are you okay?" Makoto whispers in the dark. Rei takes a few minutes to calm himself down as Makoto sits him up, embracing him.

"Yes... I'm okay", Rei replies, but he's still not too sure. Makoto hugging him does help, though, and he feels his heartbeat slow down. He feels dumb for thinking that it might actually have passed by now, that these thoughts would have disappeared. They seem to be intent on staying for a while, despite Rei's desperate tries to get rid of them by occupying himself with things that makes him happy. Apparently it's not enough, and it bothers him.

They lie down again after some time, and Rei just focuses on listening to Makoto's breathing and heartbeat. At least he isn't alone; dealing with this on his own would probably be near impossible. Rei still isn't that strong mentally, though he feels like he's slowly getting there as the nightmares are finally starting to get few and far between.

"Rei?" Makoto murmurs, and Rei opens his eyes.

"Yes?"

"I'm here for you. If there's something bothering you, I want you to talk to me. I want to help you. I know that it's a lot to ask, but... I just don't want you to shut me out. It's okay to lean on me every once in a while, I don't mind."

Rei chews on his bottom lip. One of his biggest concerns is that he keeps relying on others; whether it be his personal problems or matters regarding the swim team. He wants to be able to deal with things on his own for once without having to constantly run to other people for their help. But if Makoto says he wants Rei to come to him more often, he can't do anything but take him up on the offer.

He sighs in resignation. "Okay. It isn't that I'm shutting you out, I just... I don't want to burden people."

"But you wouldn't burden me. Being together like this means sharing each other's problems. And happiness, too, of course. And in return, I would obviously promise you that I'll talk to you if there's something troubling me."

"Are you trying to make a trade?" Rei asks, and he smiles. He's not sure if Makoto can see it through the darkness, though.

"I guess I am", Makoto replies, and Rei hears the smile in his voice. "Can we at least try?"

"Yes... of course. I'm sorry, I'll do my best from now on. But I want you to understand that I also want to learn to be more independent. Not to the point where I wouldn't need other people at all, just so I could stand up on my own and occasionally lean on others."

Makoto goes silent for a few seconds, but then he tightens his embrace and exhales slowly. "Yeah. Okay, I can agree with that. Now let's try and get some sleep, huh?"

Rei tilts his head up and kisses his boyfriend on the chin, the smile still lingering on his lips. "Yes. Goodnight, Makoto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	21. Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Nagisa plan for a night-in at Rei's place, inviting Haruka. Their night leads to some memories being brought up for Rei. Makoto attends his first ever party, leading to some unpleasant events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a week late and I'm really, _really_ sorry for that! This week hasn't been kind to me, so I haven't had much time or even motivation to write. But here it is, finally. I hope you enjoy it!

Thursday morning, Rei gets out of bed at six as usual. He plants a soft kiss to Makoto's forehead before he heads out of the bedroom to prepare his breakfast and lunch. He's gotten a lot better at cooking since he moved to Tokyo and had to prepare all of his lunches himself. At the same time as he's proud of himself, he also feels a slight sting of pain in his chest, thinking about why he's here in the first place.

Would Makoto have asked him to come with him to Tokyo if the falling out with his parents had never happened? Rei wants to believe that they'd stick to his original plan; Rei coming over to see Makoto in Tokyo once or twice a week, but he's not sure. He doesn't want to think that his boyfriend wouldn't have brought up the suggestion otherwise, but he feels like it would've been less likely since Rei didn't actually have a home when Makoto brought it up.

He disregards the unnecessary train of thought as he leaves the house, making sure to make as little noise as possible to not wake Makoto up. His boyfriend has a late start today, and Rei decides to just let him sleep in.  _Makoto's lucky_ , he thinks to himself with a sigh as he heads out towards Kokubunji's train station.

 

* * *

 

"I have good news", Gou announces during lunch, and the rest of the team turn their attention to her. "I've talked to Ai-kun a bit, and we've decided on a date for our practice race!"

"When?!" Nagisa asks, nearly jumping out of his seat.

"Next Thursday afternoon at four, Samezuka Academy. It's going to be a regular medley relay, but 200 metres instead of 400. It's just practice, after all. So we'd better start practising really hard from now on!"

Nagisa frowns. "Or what? We won't beat them?"

Gou laughs, waving her hands dismissively. "That's not what I mean. I'm just saying I want us to really surprise them, you know? It would be really cool if we completely blew them out of the water in our very first race against each other."

Rei knows that their team is still a little rough around the edges, but that's a given since their two new members haven't been around for too long, and they haven't perfected their synchronisation yet. He has high hopes for them, and of course, as he's promised his predecessors, Rei is determined to see this through to the end and do his best for his team to go as far as they possibly can. This is his last year, and he really wants to make a good impression while he can, feel like the team will be in good hands once he has to hand it over.

It's still far off, sure, but it's something he thinks about from time to time. The future, and what he's going to do after graduation. He still doesn't have a single clue, but is relieved that they haven't even started talking about the career path forms they'll be filling out in a few months time. He now understands how Haruka felt almost a year ago when he was in this position and had to pick a path for himself. Even Makoto had been hesitant about what to do — maybe it's a common thing to be a little lost about it, after all.

Rei and Gou go over what exactly to practice for their race against Samezuka that afternoon while the others practice their exchanges. Rei has to practice his exchanges with Nobuo since he has the last leg of the race, which is freestyle. Having originally been on the butterfly position, Rei decided to hand it over to Nobuo, who has far more experience with it than Rei does. Besides, Rei likes a bit of a challenge, and he actually enjoys the front crawl, which was one of the swim styles Rin taught him at the beginning of last year.

"I think we need to shorten the intervals", Gou says as she's pointing to her elegant scribbles on her protocol. "I feel like you have too long breaks sometimes, and that I've been a little lenient on you guys. We need to step up our game, it'll probably only get harder from here on out. So we might as well make things a little interesting — or what do you say, Rei-kun?"

It is a little daunting to see the result of what Gou has come up with, but Rei knows it'll be for the best. Like she said, things are probably only going to get more difficult this year with new recruits in all teams they'll be facing in their upcoming tournaments, and as Rei isn't going to settle for the next best thing, he knows they'll have to start training harder.

The last half hour of their swim practice, Rei does some exchanges with Nobuo. Gladly, it doesn't take too long for them to find a rhythm, and soon enough there's barely any time at all between the time Nobu hits the tile and when Rei dives off the start block. The confidence in his team grows, and Rei feels like they might be able to pull off a pretty successful year. Although, it is still far too early to say, so he's cautiously optimistic about it.

"Alright, that's it for today", Rei announces as it's half past four, and they need to leave school grounds before five. "We're sticking with this regimen at least until we've had our race against Samezuka, and after that, we might change it up. We'll see how things go, I suppose. Don't take too long in the shower, or you won't be able to get out through the gates", he finishes with a little smile.

"Thank you for today!" Nobuo and Kei say in unison, and they walk into the changing rooms to shower and change back into casual clothing. Rei checks his phone upon coming into the changing room to see if he has a missed call of new message from Makoto, which he does.

 **Makoto** :

 _I've had a bad day and I don't feel like cooking. Can we get_ KFC?

Rei smiles to himself as he types away a reply to his boyfriend.

 **You** :

_I'm sorry to hear that. I can stop by the family mart on my way home and get us something, it's on the way after all, and it's cheaper and probably healthier than KFC. What do you want?_

He puts his phone back in his bag to get a quick shower and leave school as soon as possible. Rei's never stayed past five, and he still has about twenty-five minutes until the gates lock and he'd have to climb over them. It's not that he's not confident about his agility anymore, but it  _has_ been quite some time since he stopped doing the exercises he used to do while still on the track team.

The four of them talk about everyday things in the showers for a few minutes before heading out again and getting dressed. Nagisa and Rei are getting to know the two new members slowly, and Rei finds them both to be very interesting, but complete opposites. He feels like his last year at Iwatobi is going to be quite an experience, and hopefully in the good sense.

Rei checks his phone again, and he's received a reply from Makoto. 

 **Makoto** :

_Okay, you win, ha ha. Just get me a bento box or something, I just want to eat food. Hurry back, I miss you._

A blush spreads across his entire face, and Rei shoves his phone back into his bag. He puts his jacket on and turns to Nagisa, who looks at him with a knowing smirk.

"Was it Mako-chan?"

Rei pouts. "You don't have to ask, do you?"

"Did he say something naughty?"

"He didn't!" Rei says, slightly panicked and embarrassed over the possibility that the younger members might hear their conversation. "It wasn't anything like that."

This time, it's Nagisa's time to pout. "Aw, that's too bad. Oh well. I'll walk with you to the station, let's go."

 

* * *

 

Having walked to the gates together, Rei and Nagisa say goodbye to Kei and Nobuo before they start walking down the hill towards the train station. The sky is grey and it looks like it's about to rain, so as to not get too wet, they half-jog the rest of the way. Luckily for Nagisa, he's brought an umbrella in his bag, but Rei hasn't. He hopes it won't be too bad when he arrives in Kokubunji, but knowing his luck, it's probably pouring there.

"Hey, are you free this weekend?" Nagisa asks as they arrive just outside the station.

"Hm, I think I am. Well, Makoto invited me to come with him to a party with his university friends, but I don't think I'm going. It's probably going to be awkward for me to be there, seeing as I only really know Makoto and am younger than everyone else."

Nagisa shrugs. "It could be fun. But yeah, I can see that; you're not really the most outgoing type, anyway. So hang out with me instead! I'll come to Tokyo and we can do something. Hey, maybe we could invite Haru-chan, too. You guys are friends now, right?"

Rei chews on the inside of his cheek. He likes to think they are, but he's still not too sure about it. They did just spend an afternoon and an evening together out in Tokyo, but it wasn't just the two of them, so they didn't have much one-on-one interaction. So he doesn't know whether to label Haruka as a friend again or just 'Makoto's best friend whom I might hang out with occasionally if Makoto does'.

"I don't know. I think so", he says with a questioning tone, making Nagisa laugh.

"If you're okay with it, I can invite him over and we can order takeout and watch films or something. Just hang out, you know? I miss Haru-chan, I haven't seen him since he moved. It's been over three months."

Rei smiles at his friend. "Okay, let's do that. We'll talk more about it on Friday and call him then."

"Good!"

Nagisa leaves and Rei gets on the train back home. He thinks about the upcoming weekend and how he's going to approach Haruka, asking if he wants to come over just to hang out. It's not something they've done before, obviously; Makoto has always been the one to initiate these things. And things were very different when they actually attended the same school and were in the same club, so he has no idea how this is going to go.

He wants to believe that Haruka isn't too opposed to the idea, especially since Nagisa's going to be there and they haven't seen each other in months. But at the same time, it's Rei, too, and Rei is dating the guy Haruka still probably likes a lot in a way that isn't just of friendly nature. Rei feels bad for still being a little suspicious of Haruka; he doesn't know if he  _should_ be, because he doesn't really know how Haruka acts around people he likes other than friends.

Rei wants to at least try to make this work, to be able to spend time with Haruka and Makoto together every now and then. Of course, he knows that the two of them need some time just for the two of them, as they're childhood best friends and share things that Rei couldn't take part of. He doesn't really want to, either — it's not his business and he respects their friendship. If only that was all it was, and that Haruka wasn't in love with his boyfriend.

An hour later, Rei arrives in Kokubunji and walks over to the closest family mart to see what kind of ready-made food they have. There are a wide selection of bento boxes, onigiri in different flavours, yakisoba and udon noodles. Rei decides to get himself a box with sushi rolls and a chicken onigiri roll, and gets a bento for Makoto. It isn't too expensive, gladly, and he knows that Makoto's going to tell him they need to buy these meals more often. Which he doesn't really want to, since it isn't the most healthy alternative, and they really should cook their meals more often than buy ready-made food.

When he exits the family mart, it's started raining heavily, and he hurries back to the apartment. He makes a mental note to put an umbrella in his bag so he at least has it for whenever it starts raining again, and wonders how this has escaped him for so long. It's autumn season, and that usually means a lot of rain. Rei just doesn't want to let go of summer just yet, and keep denying to himself that it's getting colder outside.

"I'm home", he says and sighs in exhaustion as he comes in through the door. He's almost completely soaked and just wants to take a bath as soon as possible so he won't catch a cold. Makoto comes and greets him by the door with a kiss, and takes the bags from his hands so he can take his jacket and shoes off.

"Welcome home. Whoa, you're wet", Makoto says. "Do you want to take a bath before dinner?"

"I think I might", Rei replies. "You can go ahead and eat before me if you want, I know you've been waiting for a while."

Makoto shakes his head and smiles. "No, it's fine. I was thinking maybe we could take a bath together."

Rei averts his gaze and pouts, feeling a blush creep into his cheeks. "Do you want to make this into a habit?" he asks.

"Yeah, I do. If you don't mind."

He doesn't, but he's too embarrassed to say it out loud. Instead, he just lets Makoto join him in the bath, the taller and more muscular brunet sitting behind Rei with his legs on either side of Rei like they've done a few times before. That way, it isn't too cramped, and they can both sit comfortably.

"How was your day?" Makoto asks and tips Rei's head back to lean it against his chest. Rei closes his eyes and lets Makoto run his fingers through his wet hair.

"It was okay. I was talking to Nagisa about this upcoming weekend, and he suggested we spend some time together. I know you asked if I wanted me to come with you to that party, but... I don't think I'm going. I apologise; I know you asked and all, but I think I'd feel quite left out."

Makoto laughs a little and kisses Rei on the top of his head. "No, it's fine — I kind of expected that response from you. I know it'd be weird, but I do want you to meet my friends one day. Maybe not like this, though. So are you going to Iwatobi or is Nagisa coming here?"

"I was thinking he could come here. That's okay, right?"

"Of course. It's your apartment, too, Rei, so you don't have to ask for my permission. I trust you to keep an eye on him."

"Yes, I definitely will", Rei replies with a laugh. Their friend has a habit of coming up with all sorts of pranks, and Rei is sure that this weekend won't be an exception for opportunities like these.

He remembers the part where Nagisa had asked if it was okay if they invited Haruka, too, and decides to ask Makoto about it.

"Do you think Haruka-senpai would want to join us? Nagisa said he wanted to see him since it's been months since the two of them met, and I thought it could be a great opportunity to make it happen."

"Yeah, I don't think he'd mind. Haru usually doesn't have anything to do during the weekends, either, unless he has to study for something. But I'd say you could at least ask him. Or do you want me to ask him for you?"

"No, no — I can do that", Rei says. "Thank you, though."

Makoto hums and tightens his embrace. "I see you're as stubborn as ever. Well, I can't complain, I don't mind. I just think it's a good thing you and Haru can hang out again."

"Me too."

 

* * *

 

"Please don't come home drunk. And be safe."

"You sound like my mum. Don't worry, I'll take it easy. I don't think I'm going to drink that much. If anything, really. I don't know my limits, and I don't want to test them."

Rei smiles a little. "That's good thinking. I'm just... worried about you. I don't want anything to happen."

Makoto returns the smile before he puts his jacket on. "I know. I'll text you when I'm on my way back, I think I'll take a taxi."

"Good, better to be safe than thrifty." Walking closer to his boyfriend, Rei stands on his toes to give him a kiss. "Have fun."

"You too. Tell Haru and Nagisa I said hi."

Makoto leaves, and Rei locks the door behind him. Nagisa and Haruka are both supposed to be here within the next ten minutes, so Rei walks around the apartment to make sure he's cleaned it properly. He and Makoto don't really make much of a mess around their apartment, sure — but there might be spots where he forgot to vacuum, for instance.

He doesn't get very far before the doorbell rings, and Rei makes his way from the bedroom out to the hallway to greet his friends. The first person he sees is Nagisa, who doesn't waste a single second and practically throws himself in Rei's arms.

"Rei-chan!" he says delightedly, as if they haven't seen each other in years. Rei can't help but smile, though; Nagisa being able to get excited so easily is one of the many things Rei really loves about his best friend.

"Hello, Nagisa-kun. Thank you for coming."

"I should thank you for having me", Nagisa says as he lets go and goes further inside to take his shoes off.

Haruka walks in next, and he offers Rei a small smile and a nod.

"Hey", he says. "Hope we weren't too early."

Rei shakes his head. "No, no — it's fine!"

"Has Makoto been gone long?"

After Haru's removed his coat and shoes, he and Rei join Nagisa in the living room area, where the blond boy has already settled in by the kotatsu.

"No, he left just a little while before you came. Would any of you want anything to drink?" he asks, still standing up as Haru takes Makoto's place by the low table.

"Water's fine for me, thanks", Haru replies with a shrug.

Nagisa perks up. "What do you have?"

"Water, tea, and I think we have a bottle of Coke."

The Coke is Makoto's from the other day; he'd gotten it on his way home from campus but never got around to drinking it. He'd told Rei before he left that it was okay for them to share it that evening if they wanted to, and while Rei isn't that much for soft drinks, he wouldn't mind having it every once in a while. Though preferably even less often than that.

"Oh. Then tea?"

"Absolutely. I'll be right out."

Nagisa laughs. "You don't have to be so formal, Rei-chan. We're your friends."

Rei frowns and averts his gaze. "But you're my guests, too."

"Rei. Relax", comes Haruka's voice. "You don't have to stress out so much. It's just us. Things are still the same as they used to be."

He gives a small but reassuring smile, and Rei relaxes ever so slightly. He goes into the kitchen to get them their drinks, relieved that so far, it doesn't seem like it's going to be _too_ strained between himself and Haruka. The older boy seems to notice his distress, and thankfully, he's handling it discreetly but very well. Rei is once again reminded by how much it seems they've all seem to have grown in just these past few months. Or maybe it's the drastic change in environment that has had them change, Rei isn't sure. Either way, he's glad things are at least okay between Haruka and himself again.

"Sorry for the wait", he says as he comes back with a tray; a tea set and two cups for himself and Nagisa, and a big glass of ice water for Haruka.

Haruka takes a sip of his water and leans back. "So how are things going for you two? You must have exams coming up soon, right?"

"It's starting to get a little stressful, yes", Rei admits as he pours the tea. "I feel like I'm going to be able to handle it, however. I'm not so sure about Nagisa-kun, though."

"Hey, that's mean!" Nagisa says, pouting. "I'm actually doing fine, thank you very much. I promised you guys back in second year that I'd learn to balance both swim practice and my studies better, and I have. My grades aren't bad anymore, they're actually pretty okay."

Haruka hums in what sounds like admiration and nods. "I'm glad to hear that."

"What about you, Haruka-senpai?" Rei asks.

"Busy", Haruka complains. "I have practice every day after classes and they're ten times worse than they were at Iwatobi. So you guys should consider yourselves lucky. I'm exhausted every day when I come back home. It's good, though. Keeps my hands full. I used to like not being busy, but... it's different here."

Rei is pretty much the same in that regard; he likes to keep himself busy and doesn't like just idling about. And he has to agree with Haruka; it certainly is different, even for him who doesn't attend school in Tokyo, having moved there still makes even the things in Iwatobi feel different. He feels like he's mostly just on a visit and not coming back to a town where he once used to live. Strangely enough, he doesn't miss it, though.

They talk about their everyday lives for a bit before they decide to order some food. The closest restaurant they have is the udon place Rei and Makoto have been to just two or three times since they moved there, and Rei definitely doesn't feel like having udon tonight. Instead, they order food from a ramen restaurant in the northern part of Kokubunji.

The food doesn't take more than half an hour to arrive, and their conversation continues even during dinner. Nagisa is, as usual, the most talkative, asking both Rei and Haruka questions and talking about himself. It's strange, because Rei sees Nagisa five days a week but they still have so much to talk about somehow. He's glad, because even though Rei's moved to Tokyo, not much has changed between them. He's glad the two of them can still uphold their friendship like this, but knows that it probably won't last for too long as they're both graduating this year and will be moving onto other things afterwards.

As for what Rei wants to do, he's not sure. He still has some time to decide, and his grades aren't suffering by any means, but he still feels slightly stressed out by the fact that he doesn't have any plans for the future. He's slowly starting to realise that he at least doesn't want to go to university right after high school has ended, though, but as for what he wants to do instead, he hasn't got a clue.

Having finished their dinner, they play games on the console Nagisa brought with him from home. It's a little difficult for them all to be able to see on the small TV screen Rei and Makoto have, but they make it work somehow. Rei is losing badly; he's terrible at playing video games and it's painfully obvious. His character flings off the screen every two or three minutes, and it's either a computer player or Nagisa who's behind it every time.

"Wow, Rei-chan, I didn't know you were  _that_ bad", Nagisa says between fits of laughter. Rei puts the controller down and frowns.

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't grow up playing video games in my spare time. Neither my brother or I were really interested in such things, anyway."

Nagisa raises his eyebrows. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot you have a brother! Do you talk to him often?"

Rei looks down at his knees. He hasn't talked to his brother in years; the older sibling having been busy with work over in Sapporo on the northernmost island of Japan, Hokkaido. They live far apart, and it's one of the biggest reasons as to why they haven't been in contact. Rei doesn't even know if Ayumu still lives there, and he probably doesn't have the same telephone number he had all those years ago, either.

"No, I... I haven't talked to him in several years, actually."

"Oh", Haruka says suddenly, joining in on the conversation. "Don't you miss him?"

"I do. I don't really have a way of contacting him, and even less so now that I... don't have any parents anymore."

He feels his eyes starting to get misty, so he clears his throat and blinks a few times. "But it's fine, really. I've... kind of gotten used to it."

"Rei-chan... I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't think about that. I didn't mean to bring those things up."

To add more power to his words, Nagisa scoots closer and wraps his arms around Rei, who flinches upon contact but soon relaxes in his friend's arms.

"Rei, if you ever _do_ want to talk to someone, you know we're here for you", Haruka says behind Nagisa. "I know you'd probably go to Makoto first, but just know what we're here for you, too. We're friends, after all."

His chest feels a little tight, but Rei realises that it isn't just because of him being overwhelmed with both the reminder that his 'parents' aren't in his life anymore, and how much he misses his brother — but because he can truly feel how much both Haruka and Nagisa care for him. He almost feels bad, because he feels like he isn't doing enough to show them that he feels the same way for them, too.

"I... I know. Thank you, Haruka-senpai, th-that means a lot."

"Anytime", Haruka replies with a reassuring smile.

 

* * *

 

The two of them leave a little after midnight. It's pitch black outside and very cold, too, which Nagisa isn't too happy about. He'd come unprepared for the change in weather, so his jacket is far too thin for the cold midnight autumn winds. Haruka lends him his scarf, and the two of them say goodbye before exiting the apartment, upon which Rei locks the door behind them.

He walks back into the living room, sits down by the kotatsu, where things are once again clean and back to normal, Nagisa's console gone, too. Turning on the TV, Rei stretches his legs out below the kotatsu and turns on the heat.

There isn't much to watch, he finds, as he flips through the channels a few times. In the end, he gives up and decides to read and listen to music instead. He doesn't want to go to bed before Makoto comes home, even though Makoto told him he didn't have to stay up. He can't help it; this is the first time Makoto's been at a party, and since it's just the two of them living together now, the responsibility to make sure that Makoto is alright kind of ends up falling on Rei — even though he  _is_ the younger one.

Around half past one, the door unlocks. Rei turns off the TV and gets up fron his spot, the heat from the kotatsu slowly disappearing from his body. He goes out to meet Makoto, but the Makoto he meets in the hallway is someone he can barely recognise. He's shaking, and Rei can clearly see it's not from the cold, he can barely stand still and his breathing is stressed and uneven.

"Makoto? Makoto, what's wrong?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	22. Cornered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto widens his horizons and realises there are things he needs to properly deal with and stop running away from.

_Makoto_.

 

Makoto sits down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Up until just a few minutes ago, there was music blaring from the speakers so loud he couldn't even hear himself think. Thankfully someone's shut it off, to Makoto's relief. The music was terrible, anyway.

Someone's asleep on the second couch right next to the one he's sittong on, another person's sleeping on the rug in front of the TV. Makoto thinks he heard someone run towards the bathroom a while ago, but isn't sure. He's sober, at least somewhat, to Miyuki's disappointment.

"Makoto-kun, you're no fun", she slurs as she plops down beside him. She waves a beer can in front of his face. "Please just have one."

He smiles and shakes his head. "No, thank you. It's not really my thing."

"Aww, come _on_!"

"Jeez, lay off him, will you? He doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to."

Touka emerges from the hallway with a glass of red wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Makoto wonders how she can smoke in here when there might be a fire alarm somewhere in the flat, but he doesn't say anything about it. If anything, that might give him an excuse to leave soon. It isn't that he hasn't enjoyed himself, he definitely has — but it's gotten a little too much with the drunk and passed out people all around him.

"Party pooper number two", Miyuki pouts and leans back against the back of the couch. "You guys should start a club. The party pooper's club, or something. Not that you'd have that many members."

"Oh, shut up", Touka replies dryly. Miyuki smiles and closes her eyes. Next thing Makoto knows, she's asleep, and he swears it's only been a few seconds. He softly nudges her, but there's no reaction. He can at least see she's breathing, so he shrugs and leans back against the couch as well. It's just before midnight, but he's been there for at least three hours by now.

It's been a fun night, though. Makoto's gotten to know a few other students at Gakudai, most of them studying completely different fields from his. It's been interesting to hear about it, however, and he's really enjoyed meeting all these new people. Having lived a pretty sheltered and boxed in life back in Iwatobi until he was seventeen, Makoto finds this to be a nice change. To see more of what's actually out there, and not just what goes on in his small home town and around the people he's grown up with.

"You okay?"

Makoto turns to face Touka and gives her a little smile. "Yeah."

"You've never been to a flat party before, have you?"

"Never been to a party in general, actually."

Touka raises her eyebrows in surprise. "Oh. Well, this is about as good as it gets. I hope you had fun before everyone passed out, though."

Makoto laughs a little. "I did. I'm actually glad I came, despite how it turned out in the end. I guess I kind of expected it. There  _is_ alcohol involved, after all."

She hums and takes a sip from her wine glass before she sets it down on the coffee table. "You've never had alcohol before, either?"

"I haven't."

"Wow. This must be like a completely new world to you, huh."

"It kind of is, but for the most part, it's fun. Or, well, interesting", Makoto replies with a smile.

Touka laughs. "That's a good way to put—"

"Hey, have any of you seen Shinichi and the others?"

Satomi comes back into the apartment, slightly out of breath, and walks up to Makoto and Touka in the living room. Both of them exchange glances and shake their heads.

"What's up?" Touka asks as she puts her cigarette out in an ashtray next to her wine glass. Makoto's secretly glad, because he hates the smell of cigarettes but doesn't have the heart to tell Touka himself.

"I heard them saying earlier that they wanted to go for a— _hic_ —sorry, night swim or something."

Touka gets up from the couch before Makoto has a chance to react, and she seems distraught. It takes a second for it to click in his head. _Night swim_. It reminds him of the training camp back in second year of high school when Rei had done the same thing. But that was in the ocean, and the weather had quickly gone from clear skies and no winds to the exact opposite.

"Shit. They must've gone to the public pool behind the apartment complex. We should go."

It's strange how alert she seems to be for the amount of wine Makoto has seen her consume within the past few hours. He's only had a beer himself — which was half-forced on him by Miyuki — and he feels a little dizzy from it. He's realised that he's not built for drinking, and doesn't plan on doing it again anytime soon.

"Makoto, are you coming with?" Touka asks him, and he looks up. "Yeah... sure. Yeah, I'll come. The more the better, right?"

He gets up from the couch and follows Touka out into the hallway where they put their shoes on and get ready to head outside. His head is spinning with thoughts and his heart's started to beat faster. He really hopes that they haven't actually gotten into the pool. First off, it'd be trespassing, and they would probably get in trouble if there are motion sensor alarms around the area.

Along with Satomi and a guy whose name Makoto doesn't remember, he and Touka make their way outside in the night and head towards the backside of the apartment building. Aside from the occasional car going by, it's completely silent outside, with no one walking around the streets despite it being a Saturday. The apartment building is located in one of the 'richer' areas of Tokyo, and it's quite far away from where he lives, probably about forty minutes by train. Even if he wanted to take a train home, it's stopped running a while ago, so now he'll have to take a taxi.

They approach the public pool area and Touka looks around, probably to see if there are any guards around. Makoto figures that it'd probably be a bad idea to try and call out to the guys who went missing for this very reason, to he decides to stay quiet and just follow the others. With hesitation, he climbs over the fence with the rest of them and they walk around the little reception building.

"Shh! Wait, listen", Satomi hisses. Makoto stands still, barely even breathing, as he listens for what Satomi's talking about. Suddenly, he hears screaming. He recognises the voice as one of the guys from the party, though he doesn't know his name. It definitely isn't Shinichi, that's for sure.

They all start running, and soon, they make it to the pool. That's when Makoto sees it. The one figure floating on the pool surface, and the other standing by the side, screaming.

_No... not again. Why is this happening again?_

"Oh god... Ryuu? Fuck!" Touka exclaims as she runs up to the poolside. Makoto can't do anything but stand there and watch, his body refuses to move and his mind tells him to run away. He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again, and repeats. He doesn't know what to do, so instead, he does nothing.

 _This is why you couldn't save Rei. This is why the fisherman died. It's going to happen again. You're a coward, Tachibana, and you always have been_.

 

* * *

 

When Makoto wakes up, he has no idea what's happened. He's on his back, on a couch back at the apartment. He looks to his side, and Miyuki's sitting by his side. She seems almost sober now, and her eyes are red and slightly puffy, presumably from crying. He sits up and blinks a few times to get a better bearing of what's going on.

"What... happened?" he asks.

Miyuki sniffles and wipes the tears off her cheek with the back of her hand. "Shin-chan and Ryuu went to the pool—"

"I know, I was there. Are they okay?"

"Shin-chan is at the hospital. I think... Ryuu went with him, but he's okay. Touka said you passed out, so they carried you back here."

Makoto buries his face in his hands and sighs shakily. "I managed to make it about myself, didn't I? I'm so sorry... I went there to help but in the end, I didn't do anything."

Miyuki shakes her head and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Don't say that, you couldn't help it."

"I _could_ have, if only I wouldn't have just stood there like a coward!" Makoto snaps, and it takes a second for him to realise how much he's overreacting. He exhales slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out on you."

"It's fine, really. I know you must be under a lot of stress. I think you should just go home, get some rest. I'll call you a taxi."

He wants to protest, but knows that Miyuki's probably right. There isn't anything he can do here now, and if he stayed, he'd probably just be more of an inconvenience than anything. So he stays on the couch while Miyuki goes out to call a taxi for him, and ten minutes later, he's in the hallway again to put on his coat and shoes.

"I'm sorry your first party had to end this way", Touka says. She's leaning against the door frame into the kitchen with a glass of water in one hand. Makoto shakes his head.

"It wasn't anything we could've done to help it. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help. And I'm sorry this had to happen at your party, Satomi-san."

Satomi smiles a little. "You said it yourself, Tachibana-kun. It wasn't anything we could've helped. Maybe next time we could get together in a flat that isn't close to a pool or water in general."

Makoto himself feels like he doesn't want for himself or others close to him to get close to water again for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

Everything crumbles to pieces once he arrives back home, but Rei is quickly by his side and embraces him. Makoto manages to tell him what's happened, and Rei listens without saying a word until Makoto's finished talking.

"Makoto, I... think you should go see your therapist more often. It's been a while since last, hasn't it?"

Makoto looks at Rei and wants to say something in defence, but there really isn't anything he can say to justify as to why he hasn't attended his appointments. "Yeah, it has."

"Talk to your therapist and say you need to come in soon, and start going more often. I think this is important."

He fidgets a little and averts his gaze. Makoto doesn't want to acknowledge the fact that his problems seem to have come back for real this time, and that it might just get worse if he doesn't do anything about it. He knows that as much as just being with Rei can feel like it helps, it probably won't help that much in the long run. He needs to talk to someone whose profession it is to help people with these issues, and stop running away from his problems.

"You're right", he says and sighs in resignation. "Okay, I'll call her on Monday. I promise."

"Good. I'm just worried about you, you know?"

Makoto puts his chin down on Rei's shoulder. "Yeah. Thank you, Rei. I'm really glad you're here. With me, I mean, here in Tokyo."

"It's fine; I want to be with you, after all."

They go to bed shortly after, but Makoto can't bring himself to fall asleep. He's scared of falling asleep, because he's afraid that his sleep will only be filled with nightmares related to the events of the night. As soon as he closes his eyes, he sees the lifeless body float on the surface of the pool, and he forces his eyes open again. He tosses and turns in bed multiple times, trying to think of something else,  _anything_  — as long as it doesn't have to do with water.

He tries to think about his family instead, wondering if the twins are doing okay, thinking that he hasn't seen them in—

_What if they were to have been the ones out at sea? Would you have been able to save them? If so, why couldn't you save Rei yourself? Why couldn't you save the fisherman who drowned only three kilometres from the shore? You used to swim that distance almost daily, that would've been a piece of cake for you._

Makoto cringes and puts his pillow over his head in an attempt to block out the voice in his head that doesn't even make sense. Back when the fisherman had drowned, Makoto had never swum three kilometres before and isn't sure if he'd be able to at that age. His chest hurts and he's having trouble breathing, feeling like he's nailed to the bed but desperately wants to get away, to be free. He can't move, his thoughts are all over the place and he wants to scream but there's nothing coming out.

He knows he was a fool to believe that moving to Tokyo would solve all his problems. Makoto's studying to become a swim coach for children, for god's sake — that obviously means he has to get involved with water in some way. Not only him, but people around him, too. What if there's a child he's responsible of who's about to drown? Would he be unable to move, unable to save them? Just like he was with the fisherman, and with Rei?

Soon enough, Makoto's anxiety attack subsides, and he's able to breathe normally, even move around in bed. He takes the opportunity to get out of bed and walk up to the window. He looks up at the crescent moon in the sky and takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He hates being so weak, that his past has come back to haunt him and that he has to once again rely on others to help him get better. This wasn't how his life in Tokyo was supposed to go. He was supposed to come here to study, to spend time with Rei and Haru, to occasionally go back to Iwatobi on breaks and weekends to see his friends and family.

It wasn't supposed to feel like he's back on square one, like Tokyo's only making things worse for him by being a constant reminder that things definitely haven't changed or gotten better. Makoto knows that he really has to confront his issues as soon as possible so that just being in Tokyo won't be stressful for him. As much as he hates admitting it, this is the only thing left for him to do to begin his healing process once again.

"Makoto?"

A voice reaches him from behind, and Makoto turns around. Rei is sitting up in bed, looking at him with concern that's barely visible in what little moonlight comes in through the window. He closes the blinds and returns to bed, kissing Rei on the forehead.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you when I got out of bed."

Rei shakes his head and lies down again next to him. "No, you didn't. I think I noticed it got colder."

"I see", Makoto says, and he smiles a little.

"You can't sleep?"

"I couldn't before, but I think I can now. I just had to clear my mind a little", Makoto says reassuringly. "Let's get some sleep."

"Okay", Rei replies, but he doesn't sound too convinced. He doesn't say anything more about it, though, and soon enough, Rei is asleep again. Makoto strokes the other's cheek and smiles to himself. He's really lucky to have gotten such an understandable and patient boyfriend such as Rei.

Him being there with Makoto in Tokyo definitely makes it easier, and Makoto vows to himself to try and fix his problems, if not only for himself, for Rei. So that he won't be a burden to Rei, and so Rei won't have to worry about him. Rei already has a bunch of things weighing down on him, so Makoto certainly doesn't want to add unnecessary weight to what's already feeling heavy enough.

He sighs and closes his eyes, his mind now completely cleared from dark thoughts. Surprisingly enough, it doesn't take him long to fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	23. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna be completely honest with you guys. This chapter is basically 92% smut. (It was necessary, okay?) Enjoy!

_Makoto_.

 

When Makoto wakes up, Rei isn't next to him, but there's a note on his pillow. Makoto picks it up and rubs his eyes with his free hand to get rid of the last traces of sleep before he reads what it says.

" _I've gone out to get us breakfast. Will be back soon, promise. Rei_."

Makoto smiles and puts his head back on his own pillow. He picks up his phone from the nighstand next to him and sees he's got a text message from Miyuki. His heart starts beating a little faster, and he hesitantly clicks on the message.

 **Miyuki-san** :

_Hey, Makoto. Hope you're doing okay. I'm at the hospital right now, visiting Ryuu. He's okay, they just had to get some water out of his lungs. He'll be out by the end of today, though. See you on Monday!_

Makoto exhales a shaky breath, and he doesn't know if it's because he's relieved or the exact opposite. He's glad Ryuuji is fine and that there wasn't anything serious that happened to him, but he still feels guilty for not having been able to help get him out of that pool.

 **You** :

 _I'm so glad to hear he's okay. I'm fine, I suppose; I hope you're doing well, too. Thankfully it wasn't anything serious! Yes, see you on Monday_.

He puts his phone down just in time to hear the door unlock, and Rei announce that he's back. He gets out of bed, only wearing a big t-shirt and boxers, and he goes out into the hallway.

"Welcome back", he says. "What's all this, you going out to get breakfast and such? We already have stuff at home, don't we?"

Rei blushes and looks down at the bag he's holding. "I wanted to get us something a little fancier, I suppose."

Makoto laughs and messes with Rei's hair. "I thought you said we should try and save our money."

"We should, but it's fine every now and then."

"I don't mind", he replies and shrugs. "Give me two minutes and I'll be out in the kitchen."

He goes back into the bedroom to get into a new shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and then he proceeds to go into the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face and brush his teeth. It's a Sunday, and Makoto doesn't have any plans of getting out of the apartment. He has a feeling Rei doesn't want to just sit inside all day, though.

When Makoto comes out into the living room area, the kotatsu table is set with bowls, plates, chopsticks and spoons along with a few food containers. Rei comes out from the kitchen with water for the both of them, and sets them down.

"Why are you just standing there? Sit down", Rei says with a laugh. "You look like you're a guest or something."

Makoto goes to sit down, and he looks at the contents of the boxes now that Rei's opened them. There's miso, rice, mackerel and edamame beans, and it almost looks like they'll have enough for lunch.

"Is something wrong?" Rei inquires, and Makoto looks up.

"Huh?"

"I don't know, you seem a little distant. Are you... okay? I know you didn't get much sleep, but—"

"Oh", Makoto says, and shakes his head. "No, that's not it. I was just surprised by all this, that's all. I feel like I don't deserve all this kindness from you, and I feel bad for not thinking about doing things like these myself."

"Makoto, that isn't that this is about. Look, you are  _more_  than good enough for me. I feel the same way sometimes, like I don't deserve you. But I've come to realise that I think we do deserve each other. We've both been through a lot, and we're able to support and understand each other. I wouldn't want anyone else to do this for me, because it certainly wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be good enough."

Makoto takes Rei's hand over the table and softly kisses his knuckles. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. And you might be right, I guess I just get a little overwhelmed by your selflessness at times that I can't help but wonder what I've done to deserve such good things. Thank you, though. For not only this but for being here."

Rei smiles. "Of course. And thank  _you_. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you, after all. And I'm really glad I moved to Tokyo, because it's made things a little easier. It's still tough sometimes, but since you're here, I know I have someone I can rely on."

"You've changed", Makoto says without thinking, and Rei raises his eyebrows. "I have? Is that a bad thing?"

"Oh, no — not at all! I mean... you seem a little more confident now than you did a few months ago. And that's definitely positive. I'm glad."

Rei looks down at his plate of mackerel, and Makoto has to bite back a laugh as he notices a faint blush on the other's cheeks. "I hadn't even noticed it myself. I owe it to you, though. Now eat before your food gets cold."

"Okay,  _Mum_ ", Makoto says, and Rei flicks a grain of rice in his direction from his chopsticks, making his boyfriend laugh.

 

* * *

 

Because of the dreary weather, Makoto and Rei end up spending the day inside, after all. Makoto's secretly happy that he got a day to just sit around and do nothing, especially since he has classes tomorrow and probably has to meet some of the people from the party, being reminded of the events that occurred.

He's currently lying on his stomach with his lower half of the body under the kotatsu, watching TV. Rei's head is resting on Makoto's back, and he's reading some book he got from Nagisa. He hasn't really paid much attention to it until he realises that  _Rei got the book from Nagisa_. He turns his head to the side.

"What's the book about?"

"Huh?"

"The book you're reading."

"Oh, it's... er, well... it's about sexual intercourse."

Makoto splutters and turns around completely, ignoring the fact that Rei's head was on his back up until just now when it drops down onto the floor.

"Ouch!"

In a slight panic, Makoto sits up and puts Rei's head on his lap, stroking the other's hair. "Ah, I'm sorry! I was just... really surprised. Why did he give you a book like that?"

"Apparently because 'you and I are dating and we're bound to do it sometime'. I find it quite fascinating, actually."

Feeling mortification settle in slowly, Makoto leans back against the table. "Don't tell me there are pictures."

"Some, but they're cartoons."

Makoto hesitantly peeks down onto the pages Rei currently has open. There's a bunch of text, but like Rei said, there are cartoon illustrations as well. Just seeing them makes him blush furiously, so he looks up at the TV screen again. He clears his throat.

"Do you want to try it?"

"What?"

"The... the things in the book." He feels like he's going to die from embarrassment, but he also can't deny that there's slight curiosity mixed in there as well. He remembers Nagisa's gift from a while ago and realises that Nagisa's the one who's been providing them with all of these things so far. It's true that Nagisa is the bold one of the gang, but for Nagisa to do  _these_  things... it's not something Makoto would've ever imagined. He's realising now that he seriously needs to re-evaluate on whether he truly knows Nagisa or not.

"Oh", Rei says. "All of them?"

"No! Well, I mean... do you... want to do it?"

Makoto feels Rei move ever so slightly, and he feels his boyfriend's eyes on him. Even so, he refuses to look away from the TV screen in front of him, even though the show that's currently on is far from interesting.

"Yes, I do."

Now he  _has_  to look down. "Wait, really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure—"

"You're not even listening to me, are you, Makoto? I said yes, right?"

"You did, but... I didn't expect you to be so absolutely sure about it."

It would be a blatant lie if Makoto were to say he doesn't want to. He's wanted to, ever since that day Nagisa provided them with condoms and a bottle of lube, even. He's never had the opportunity since then to ask Rei if he wanted to, and then it's just kind of slipped his mind. Now that he's confronted with it, Makoto feels beyond nervous and wonders if maybe this is a bad idea after all. Not that he doesn't want to, of course, but because they might not be prepared enough. The last thing he wants to do, is something that might end up hurting Rei. He'd never be able to forgive himself if he did.

"But I am", Rei says, but the blush on his cheek remains. "I guess that's because I trust you, and I..." he trails off, and Makoto tilts his head in confusion.

"You what?"

Rei bites his lower lip and sits up. He puts the book down on the kotatsu table and folds his hands in his lap, looking at Makoto again. "I love you."

Makoto's eyes widen, but then he smiles. He leans forward and kisses Rei slowly before letting go, his face still close to the other's. "I love you, too."

He re-initiates the kiss, and Rei puts his arms around his neck. Makoto feels like he's almost floating as he deepens the kiss, but he quickly realises that they're about to do this  _now_  and that the place they're in probably isn't the best for it.

"Rei, wait", he says as he breaks away from the kiss. "We should probably move to the bedroom."

Rei sits back a little and looks around the room. "I've been meaning to ask", he begins, "you put away the...  _gifts..._  from Nagisa before your parents came over, did you not?"

"I did. Why?"

"I was just wondering where, er... where you put them."

Makoto grins. "In my nightstand drawer. I'm surprised you didn't look."

Rei flinches and looks away, frowning a little. "Of course I wouldn't! I respect your privacy, and I know you don't get a whole of it when we're living together like this—"

"Rei, I was joking. I really wouldn't have minded if you had looked. Really. I don't want to hide anything from you", Makoto says softly before he turns Rei's face towards him again with an index finger under his chin. "You said you trust me, and I say the same to you. I trust you, too. And, I mean... those were meant for the both of us, anyway."

"Oh. Well, you should've said so earlier."

"I'm sorry", Makoto says, just before Rei stands up, and reaches out his hand. "Come on."

Makoto looks at his hand like there's mould growing on it, but then he takes it, letting Rei pull him up onto his feet. Still holding Makoto's hand, Rei leads his boyfriend into their bedroom and closes the door behind them. He goes over to the nightstand and turns on that light instead of the ceiling light, finding that it suits a little better, and it isn't as bright as the other option.

"What happened to you?" Makoto asks, amused, but mostly to try and hide the growing nervousness within him.

Rei shrugs. "I don't know, actually. I just... I really want you. I want... this." He proves it further by pulling Makoto down onto the bed and sits on his lap. Makoto's a little blown away by Rei's sudden boldness, but he doesn't complain. He finds it exciting more than it is surprising to see this new side in Rei. Well, Rei has always had kind of a blunt curiosity when it comes to some things, so maybe that isn't something to be surprised about. But Makoto didn't really expect it to extend to the bedroom as well.

"Wait", Makoto says, and Rei looks at him in confusion. He doesn't explain further, but stretches over to his nighstand and pulls open the drawer to pull out the condoms and bottle of lube Nagisa had so graciously bestowed upon them a while ago. Seeing and actually knowing he's in possession of these things makes Makoto feel like being sucked into a hole in the ground wouldn't be such a bad idea, but at the same time... they  _are_  necessities for what he's about to do. For what  _they_  are about to do.

Rei glances at the items Makoto puts on the bed next to them, and Makoto doesn't know how to read the expression on his boyfriend's face. Is he scared? Nervous? Well, that would at least make two of them.

"Rei?" Makoto asks, and Rei looks at him again.

"Sorry, it's nothing."

"... Okay."

He pulls Rei close again and kisses him, slowly, letting his hands wander to the hem of Rei's shirt and pull it up. They separate so that Rei can get out of his shirt, and then Makoto does the same. He might just be imagining things, but it feels like Rei's body temperature is a lot higher than usual. It's probably not a fever, Makoto concludes, as he gently pushes the other down onto the bed and starts kissing him along his neck, collarbones and running his tongue softly along the Adam's apple, that goes up and then down again as Rei swallows.

Yep, he's definitely nervous.

Strangely enough, it makes Makoto feel a little better about his own nervousness, and it makes him  _less_  nervous. Apart from the fear of hurting his boyfriend, he probably doesn't have anything to be afraid of. He's with the person he loves, and he's pretty sure that even if he manages to mess up, Rei's going to tell him it's fine without blinking.

"Ah, I... I didn't even think to ask", Makoto says, his lips parting from Rei's hot skin. "Did... did you want to be on top or should I—"

"It doesn't matter to me", Rei replies hurriedly, effectively shutting up Makoto's blabbering. "I think... if it's okay with you, I would like for you to be. You  _are_  the more built one of us, and you're older."

"I thought you didn't think age mattered."

"I don't", Rei says and laughs. "Not anymore, at least. Unless you don't want to?"

Makoto shakes his head. "No, I do. Well, I'm just... Are you sure? I mean... I think it's gonna hurt."

His boyfriend smiles and shakes his head. "We'll take it slow. I trust you."

Makoto feels a little embarrassed by the fact that Rei seems to have taken on the role of being the older or more experienced out of the two, but he disregards the thought as it actually makes him feel a little relieved despite everything. He moves further down, planting kisses along Rei's abdomen — thankfully Rei doesn't seem to be as ticklish as Makoto is — and hooking two index fingers into Rei's sweatpants, pulling them down.

He almost expects Rei to protest at first, but quickly remembers Rei's weird, sudden development where he's now very much wanting to do this and not showing so much embarrassment as Makoto would otherwise find normal.

Managing to wriggle Rei out of his pants and underwear, Makoto begins by testing Rei out, licking from the base up to the tip of his cock. It's not entirely hard yet, but Makoto figures it probably won't take long.

"Makoto, you don't... you don't have to do that", Rei whispers. "I mean... I'm probably going to c-come if you do."

He looks up, and this time, Rei's actually blushing. He only nods in response and sits up, feeling like his heart’s going to beat right out of his chest. Makoto’s nervous, but excited at the same time. He can see the same feelings being reflected in Rei’s eyes, and he’s glad. He really doesn’t want to do anything Rei  _doesn’t_ , and he’s already asked Rei far too many times if this is okay, if Rei wants him to stop, if this is too much—

Makoto takes it slow, making sure to make this last for as long as he can. He’s not sure about his stamina in bed, so even if he can’t last long while they’re actually doing it, he wants to make sure  _this_  is something they’ll be able to remember. It’s their first time, after all, and he wants it to be special.

The bottle of lube is resting right next to Rei on the bed, and Makoto casts a glance at it, which Rei is quick to notice.

“Just… put some of it on your fingers”, he instructs. “It’s better to use too much rather than the opposite, I’ve read.”

“How much did you  _read_?” Makoto asks, and Rei smiles. “Just the basics. Nagisa-kun wanted to… make sure things went right.”

“I’m not surprised. And… I guess I’m thankful for that.”

Makoto hesitantly picks the bottle up and unscrews the cap. As he pours it onto his fingers and coats them, he notices that the lube doesn’t have a smell to it, which is good — he’d kind of feared Nagisa would’ve gotten them something scented, and he’s not too sure about Rei wanting to smell like vanilla or strawberries down there.

He sits a little closer, but still hesitates. “Do I just—“

“Put one finger in first”, Rei says, his voice trembling ever so slightly. “I don’t… think I could handle more than that.”

Makoto laughs nervously, his hands shaking. He really doesn’t want to hurt Rei, and he has little to no idea what to do right now. His nails are always trimmed, sure — so scratching his boyfriend probably isn’t much of a concern. But even still, he’s terrified of doing something wrong.

Even so, he tries overcoming his fear by circulating the entrance with his index finger, slowly inserting it and never taking his eyes off Rei to watch his reaction as he’s doing so. Rei’s eyes flutter shut, but he doesn’t look like he’s in pain. Shallow breaths escape him, and his chest heaves up and down, albeit in an uneven rhythm.

Makoto carefully curls, stretches out, takes his finger out and then repeats. He waits for Rei’s signal to continue, but for now, it seems like Rei is still trying to get used to just one finger. He wonders how it must feel, and it kind of makes him curious, but also nervous.

“You’re so brave”, he says in a low voice without thinking, and Rei opens his eyes. He smiles a little.

“Y-you think? Oh… this… th-this isn’t… too bad”, Rei whispers. “It feels… good.”

“Does it?”

“Yes. You can… use two fingers. It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt.”

Rei doesn't sound like he's in pain, but his breathing has certainly changed, which doesn't go unnoticed by Makoto. He decides to continue, though, since he's been told that it's okay, and he knows by now that Rei is going to tell him to stop if it hurts or if he's uncomfortable. Knowing this, Makoto proceeds by carefully inserting a second digit, pulling out, going in, scissoring and curling them ever so slightly to try and get Rei used to it.

"Are you okay?" he asks. Rei nods, but doesn't say anything. Makoto notices he's grasping at the sheets, and he gets worried. "Are you sure?"

"Yes", Rei confirms. "I told you... it feels good."

Feeling a little more confident that Rei isn't in pain, Makoto continues. His slick fingers eventually go in and out with ease, and he slows down.

"Do you want me to try another, or—"

"No, I... I want you. Please."

Makoto's eyes widen. "Are you sure? I just really don't want it to hurt you."

"I told you, didn't I?" Rei says with a smile, looking up at him. "We'll take it slow. So far we've done nothing but, and I'm... kind of getting impatient. I just want you."

"W-well, okay", Makoto stammers. "So, should I just...?"

"Yes. Do you think you know how to do it?"

Makoto takes out one condom and looks at the square packaging. The circle contour makes the condom look kind of small, and while Makoto doesn't want to brag about the size of his dick, he fears that the condom might be too small. He opens the little packet and takes it out, but finds out it's quite elastic, easing his worries a little.

"I don't think I know how to do this", he admits, and Rei smiles.

"Okay. Er, just place it... on top, and pinch the tip of the condom as you do."

Makoto obliges, placing the condom on the tip of his cock while pinching lightly on the small protrusion on it. It doesn't look like it takes rocket science to figure out the rest, so he just places a finger on each side and rolls it down. Being aware that Rei is watching him the entire time makes Makoto's hands sweat, and he swallows hard.

"Now I just... use the lube on this, too, right?"

"Yes."

Again, he's weirdly amazed with how much data Rei can cram into his brain, and within a short span of time, as well. He knows Rei is all about learning the theories for almost everything; this was something Makoto had learnt early on when Rei joined the swim club and studied the theories of swimming and the different swim styles. He'd gotten down the theory of it all pretty fast, but it was the actual  _swimming_ part he had difficulty with, in the end.

Makoto pops the bottle open and pours some of the lube onto his hand before not so graciously smearing it all over the condom. He figures it's probably better to use more than less, since he wants to make it as pain-free as possible for his boyfriend as he can. When he's done, he scoots close to Rei again. His hands are sticky, and he doesn't want to put them down anywhere, so he sheepishly looks at Rei.

"Could you hand me a few napkins from the box on your nightstand?" he asks. Rei blinks at him in confusion before it seems to connect in his mind, and he does what he's told. He pulls out a few napkins and hands them over to Makoto, who wipes his hands dry and tosses the used up napkins onto the floor beside their bed.

He puts down his now dry hands onto the mattress to stabilise himself, and leans down to kiss Rei. One hand on his cock, he puts it up against Rei's entrance, prodding at it for a bit to make sure Rei really is ready. Still watching his boyfriend, Makoto decides that Rei is ready, and he slowly goes in, but just a little bit. Rei's eyes open, and he lets out a long breath.

"Take deep breaths, this might hurt", Makoto says. "I don't want to hurt you. Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop. And be honest."

Rei smiles and shakes his head. "It doesn't hurt. I mean, just a little, but it's bearable. And since it's our first time, I think that's okay. I'll manage."

"But I don't want you to  _manage_ ", Makoto says with a worried frown. "I want you to enjoy it."

"Well, I am. It feels good."

"Okay... if you say so. I'm... going to try and go deeper, okay?"

"Yes."

He moves, almost excruciatingly slowly, and Rei lets out a breathless moan as Makoto goes in further. Makoto leans forward as he pushes in, and as he kisses Rei, he feels the other's breaths against his own face. Rei is taking his advice in breathing slowly, and it seems to be working as he doesn't seem to be in any pain.

Makoto wonders what it feels like, and in a strange way, he's almost curious. Maybe next time he could be the one on the receiving end instead. It's just a thought for now, and he's not sure what Rei would think of the idea.

When Makoto finally goes all the way in, he lets out a moan and closes his eyes. Rei's hands grab his arms, and yank him down for a kiss. They've both started sweating, and Makoto almost wants to take the duvet off, but he's pretty sure Rei's going to protest it.

Being inside Rei feels strange, but it's a feeling Makoto doesn't mind getting used to. It's hot, both inside and outside, and the urge to kick the duvet off of his back gets stronger, to the point where he feels like he really has to do it. Taking a risk in having Rei complain, Makoto lets it slide off his back and tries to distract Rei with deepening the kiss.

Thankfully, Rei doesn't react; either he hasn't noticed or he doesn't mind them now being fully exposed. It's just the two of them in there anyway, so Makoto doesn't see any harm in it. Besides, it makes it a lot easier to move and obviously isn't as hot.

Makoto thrusts his hips forward, slowly, watching Rei's reactions before he's completely taken by the incredible sensation that sends chills down his spine and makes him feel almost fizzy inside. If he thought they were close before, it's nothing compared to the intimacy they're sharing right now, as it's on a completely different level and kind of a step forward in their relationship.

Having initially been afraid of moving too forward since he didn't want to scare Rei, Makoto now feels like things are actually moving forward in a decent pace. There's really no need for them to hurry, anyway, as they have all the time in the world to themselves now that they live together and can spend all the time after school together if they want to. Not that it probably isn't healthy, but sometimes Makoto just enjoys being with Rei so much to the point where he wouldn't have minded if it were just the two of them left in the world.

Rei gasps, his fingernails digging into Makoto's back, leaving a stinging feeling. Makoto has found a slow but steady rhythm that soon starts getting faster as he feels he's already getting close to his limit.

"R-Rei, I'm— I'm close", he hisses, and Rei nods, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Me too", he replies, and soon enough, a cry escapes his lips. Makoto thrusts harder, and soon he's seeing stars in front of his eyes as he comes. He collapses on top of his boyfriend, both of them breathing heavily as they come off their post-sex high.

 

* * *

 

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. That felt good. No, it felt amazing."

Makoto smiles. He takes Rei's hand and squeezes a little. They're lying on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. It's been about ten minutes, but they still haven't moved. Makoto doesn't really want to, but knows that they'll eventually have to get up, take a shower and then go to bed. Besides, they both have school the next day, so it isn't as if they can stay up all night, either.

"I agree", he says. "I just... wish I would've lasted longer."

Rei supports his chin up on his hand, his elbow resting on the bed, and he frowns. "Makoto, don't say that. It was... it was our first time, and I don't think it's normal for people to have excellent stamina then. Besides, even if you  _would_ have lasted longer, I wouldn't have. It— will come in time. I'm sure of it."

Makoto closes his eyes, and his smile widens. "Okay, you're right. I just hope it was okay for you."

"I already told you, it was amazing."

"You don't have anything to compare with, though", Makoto replies, but he says it jokingly. Rei flicks him on the forehead and lies down again.

"Let's go take a shower and then go to sleep. It's getting late."

"Yeah."

They still lie down, and silence falls between them. Makoto's eyes are still closed, so he doesn't see Rei get up, and gets surprised when Rei kisses him.

"I love you."

Makoto opens his eyes, emerald meeting violet. "I love you, too."

Rei sits up properly to get off the bed, and he reaches out his hand. "Now, let's go take that shower. We really should sleep soon."

"Okay,  _Mum_."

"Stop saying that!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was contemplating whether I should have Rei top because that's kind of uncommon unless it's in a ship like Reigisa, but then I was like "but also nah". Will there ever come a time where Rei gets to top? Who knows?
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	24. Unconditional support

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwatobi have their first practice race against Samezuka, and Makoto comes clean to Rei about something he probably should've talked about a while ago.

Before Rei leaves in the morning, he leaves a note on Makoto's nightstand reminding him to contact his therapist. He could send a text message instead, but there's just something about leaving notes that appeals to Rei more for some reason. Besides, it would either end up in him accidentally waking Makoto, or him just forgetting about it as he'd have to send it later when he's certain Makoto's not asleep anymore.

While he's making breakfast, Rei checks his e-mail and other things on his phone. Just for the sake of it, he also logs onto his bank account, and to his surprise, he sees that his parents have indeed kept their promise of sending him money every month, this payment being the second one he's gotten. It stings in his chest when he sees the name of the sender, and he quickly logs out of the app to try and focus on not burning his rice.

When he and Nagisa arrive at Iwatobi High, they change shoes and meet up with Gou outside their classrooms for a quick chat before their first class of the day. Gou, being in regular contact with Rin who in turn often talks to Ai, tells Nagisa and Rei that the Samezuka team for their practice race has yet to be decided, but she says that it looks like they'll have a pretty good chance of winning it. Rei doesn't want to get his hopes up too much, and while it  _is_ just a practice race, it's still the first race he has with his two new members, and he wants them to do well.

Their regimen before the practice race stays the same as the one he and Gou had composed the week before, and while it had been almost  _too_ tough to complete in one session at first, they slowly get used to it. Rei tries to stick with butterfly during practice as much as he can, but finds himself slowly switching over to the front crawl more and more.

It's not that he doesn't like swimming butterfly, but he wonders if he's just unconsciously trying to fill Haruka's place, now that they have a new butterfly swimmer on the team. And since Rei's learnt to swim all different styles thanks to Rin, he's more than capable of doing the front crawl and enjoys it quite a bit.

Tuesday's and Wednesday's practice goes in a similar manner, and while none of the new members have outright admitted to it, Rei can sense that they're both nervous. It's perfectly understandable; it's their first race with the team, and Rei knows how important it must feel to them to prove that they deserve their spots on the team. Not that he doubts them or would even kick them off the team should they not perform perfectly during their practice race against Samezuka, but he knows they must be thinking something like that since he used to feel the same way when he was a freshman and new on the team.

Makoto sticks to his promise and sees his therapist on Wednesday after his classes have ended, and then in the evening tells Rei about how his session had gone. Apparently it hadn't been too bad, and he'd been able to talk about his fears and nightmares without feeling too stressed about it. His therapist had suggested he'd try and get back into the pool gradually, if only just going in to test the waters once, to try and do a little more the next time.

"If I'm allowed to enter the pool area at your campus, I'd be more than glad to join you", Rei says that evening after dinner. Makoto smiles at him and shakes his head.

"I'm glad you offered, but I'm afraid Haru was a little faster on the ball, and I kind of promised I'd let him join me. I'm sorry."

Rei waves his hands in front of him. "No, it's fine. And I think that's a great idea, seeing as you and Haruka-senpai don't see each other very often anyway. It's fine, I was just offering, really. But do let me know how it goes."

"Absolutely", Makoto replies with his signature sunbeam-smile.

 

* * *

 

Thursday afternoon, Rei feels a little nervous as he and Nagisa enter the changing room where they're about to hold a short meeting before going over to Samezuka. He knows it's just a practice race, but it's still kind of a milestone, seeing as this is with his new team, and his  _own_ team at that, and he wants to be able to say he did a good job as their captain.

Shouldering Makoto's old task has for the most part been overwhelming, but at the same time, Rei wouldn't have it any other way. Despite the occasional stress it causes him, he enjoys it. He likes the fact that people look up to him and that he has the possibility of taking his own team as far as they possibly can go. It's just a matter of actually  _doing it_ , and that's what sometimes stresses him a little.

Despite his own nervousness, he tells his team to not let their nerves get the best of them and that they're just going over to Samezuka to have fun, to see what their current state is and what they might need to work on. Nagisa, being the optimist and embodiment of cheerfulness, makes the two new members feel at least a little more at ease as he cracks jokes and relieves some of the tension that lingers in the air, just before they exit the changing room and start heading toward the train station.

"Come to think of it, isn't this the first time you'll be swimming freestyle in a race, Rei-chan?"

Rei averts his gaze from the window and looks at Nagisa. "You're right, I didn't think about that."

"Ah, sorry — I didn't mean to make you nervous about that or anything!" Nagisa says, waving his hands in front of him with an apologetic smile. Rei laughs.

"No, it's fine. Oddly enough, I'm feeling rather calm about it. What about you, are you nervous?"

Nagisa shakes his head. "No, I'm excited, actually. It's always fun racing against Samezuka, even if it's just a practice race. Though I guess I want to perform  _somewhat_ well considering we're actually not the youngest on the team anymore."

He casts a glance back at the other two members, and then meets Rei's eyes again.  _Maybe that's it_ , Rei thinks to himself. Maybe that's why he feels a little nervous, since he's an upperclassman now and actually has people who look up to him. It's always been the other way around, him looking up to his own upperclassmen Makoto and Haruka, but now that he's a third year-student and a captain, he has a lot more to prove and even a lot more to lose.

Ten minutes before their meeting time, the Iwatobi team have already met up with Samezuka by their pool. Kei and Nobuo are making themselves acquaintance with the members of the rival team, and Nagisa is happily chatting away with a not equally as enthusiastic Aiichirou. Being on this side of the team, the deciding side, casts a completely different light on the whole race situation, Rei realises. It makes him a little nervous, but it's also very exciting.

"Alright, just to make it clear once again, we're doing a 4x100 medley relay", Aiichirou announces. "Iwashimizu-kun, you'll take time, right?"

"Yes!"

Rei notices that the new Samezuka captain seems to have gained some confidence as he's not stuttering as much, and he seems to, if anything, believe a little more in himself. It's refreshing to see, and makes Rei feel a little happier, for some reason.

They line up with Kei standing in front, and the entire pool area goes silent, waiting for Iwashimizu Tooru to count down and set off the start whistle. Nagisa looks back at Rei and shoots him a reassuring smile, probably sensing Rei's nervousness. He smiles back and takes a deep breath to try and focus and calm himself down a little. He keeps telling himself that it's just a practice race and that it won't matter in the long run, but it's difficult since the pressure of being the team's captain and wanting to perform well weighs heavier on his mind.

The backstroke swimmers get into the pool, holding onto the handrails as they're getting ready to kick off from the ledge.

"Ready..." Tooru begins, and Rei sees the muscles on Kei's upper arms tense up as he's preparing himself. If someone were to just drop a strand of hair onto the floor, Rei's pretty sure they'd hear it — that's how tense it is in the air right now.

"... set... go!", the 'announcer' from Samezuka says and blows the whistle, starting off the race. Kei is off to a great start, his wide strokes giving him quite an advantage within just a few seconds. Even though they're just using two lanes in the pool, it still feels as if they were competing against other teams as well, as there are a lot of other people from Samezuka watching.

Nagisa gets up on the start block, getting ready to switch with Kei who is on his way back, only having about thirty metres left before he touches the tile. Next up after Nagisa is Nobuo, taking the place Rei used to have as the butterfly swimmer. It feels odd, but Rei is at least confident that the new butterfly swimmer will do great as he's quite experienced in the field, more so than Rei is.

The cheers from the onlooking Samezuka students are loud, their voices being amplified by the echoing effect of the pool area. It feels a little unfair since Samezuka are the only team having people cheer them on while Iwatobi's side is inexistent, but Rei doesn't think much about it. Right now, he's pretty glad they  _don't_ have people watching them. Maybe it's just because all the responsibility lies with him in case they end up losing, and he doesn't want to disappoint people who would have come all this way to watch them swim.

"Hazuki-senpai!"

Kei's voice breaks through the roars, and Nagisa dives in just after Aiichirou's gotten in the pool for the Samezuka side. They're almost halfway through, but they're quickly losing their lead as the distance between the Iwatobi and Samezuka swimmers is growing smaller. Nagisa's breaststroke is as impressive as ever, but it doesn't close the gap by much. By the time Nobuo dives in, Rei starts feeling genuinely worried. It ends with it being all up to him, and even though he's both been told and even having told himself not to take it too seriously — it's still important for him to do well and to show his team that he's worthy of being their captain. **  
**

He stands on the start block watching Nobuo take the turn and desperately trying to catch up to the butterfly swimmer on the opposing team, but failing. Rei's heart feels like it's going to beat right out of his chest as he readies himself and watches for Nobuo to touch the tile and signal for him to dive in. The distance between the swimmers isn't a big one, but it's still big enough for Rei to feel the pressure.

"Captain Ryuugazaki!" Nobuo screams, and Rei dives in. He immediately notices that his start is off, that his reflexes were slow. Did he get distracted? He doesn't feel like he did, he was watching Nobuo the entire time, watching his every move as he seemingly carved his way through the water. Maybe he already  _was_ distracted from the beginning and just tried telling himself he wasn't. Rei isn't sure, but as he swims, he sees a blur of dark blue and green streaks mingling with the water in front of him; it's the Samezuka swimmer who's still in the lead.

He tries his best to get up to speed without breaking the rules of his swimming style and quickly notices that the front crawl is something he definitely needs to work more on. Despite having used it more often recently, Rei notices that it's still not anywhere near as good as his butterfly is. Maybe that's a given since he only swam butterfly during his entire first year and only in his second year began exploring the other styles.

Even so, Rei swims as hard and fast as he can. His goggles are almost coming off again, but he ignores it and focuses on making first place now that he's made the turn less than a second after Samezuka. They're so close that Rei can almost taste it, so close.

 _We can't lose here_.

When Rei touches the tile and finishes the medley relay, he doesn't need to look up to see who won — it's evident in the loud cheers around him. He stands by the edge and tries to catch his breath for a few seconds, just blankly staring at the pool's edge in front of him. The very first race he has with his new members is one he loses, and it's all because of him. If only he would've been properly focused from the beginning, if only he would've fastened his goggles before diving in, if only—

"Rei-chan."

Nagisa's voice is kind, gentle, forgiving, and Rei hates it. He almost doesn't want to take the hand that's stretched out for him to get out of the pool, but also knows that it doesn't help the situation by him being grumpy. Not that he can do much about that now when he's a literal grey cloud and his inner thoughts are anything but positive. He reaches out for Nagisa's hand and lets his friend pull him out of the pool, and the air around them feels odd.

He almost feels like Nobuo and Kei are going to express their disappointment and desire to leave the club, and prepares himself for it. He knows he deserves it, and anything else at this point would just be plain wrong. They deserve to be on a team that doesn't lose the very first race they have.

They shower and get changed in silence. Rei doesn't have anything to say, but he knows the others do, but are probably too afraid to let out. It's funny, he's never really seen himself as someone people would get afraid of, it's usually been the other way around. People have always yelled at him, let out their anger and argued with him without being afraid to do so. Now that it's completely different, it almost feels like they're treating him like a terminal cancer patient or something.

When they've all gotten change and are about to head out, Rei feels like he has to say something, anything, before they all go their separate ways. Maybe forever.

"Listen, I'm... I'm sorry", he begins. "This was not how I planned our first race to go, and it was all my fault. If only I hadn't gotten myself distracted and just kept my focus on the race, we could have won. I failed you as your captain and I completely understand if you do not want to continue being part of this team. I certainly would not blame you."

There's silence following his short speech, and he wonders if maybe they've already left; he can't tell since he's looking down at his shoes. Suddenly, someone — presumably Nagisa — hugs him, and his first instinct is to shake him off. But Rei doesn't shake Nagisa off, he just stands there and lets his friend do what he does best, comfort people.

"Rei-chan, this isn't your fault. Also, weren't you the one who told us not to take this too seriously? It was just a practice race, and we can just use this loss as experience or motivation to get even better than we already are. We didn't fail, we just lost a race."

"Yeah, he's right", Nobuo chimes in. "I don't blame you, captain, I really don't. Actually, I had so much fun that I forgot that it was supposed to be a competition. It made me want to do it again, if anything, even if we didn't end up in first place."

Rei looks at Nobuo in slight disbelief. They're letting him off the hook after having gotten them such a disgraceful result in their first race together. He feels like they're being too nice on him, and frowns.

"Aren't you disappointed? I did make us lose, after all."

Kei shrugs. "Not really. It was a team effort. And besides, it's just practice."

When they keep repeating it like that, Rei feels dumb for taking it so seriously when he'd been of the completely opposite opinion before said race. They're right, it was just practice and they can use this experience to get better and improve on the areas in which they were lacking this time.

Smiling, Rei finally returns Nagisa's embrace and looks at the other two. "I'm sorry for overreacting, and you are correct. We'll do better next time."

 

* * *

 

Rei comes home to what he thinks is an empty apartment, but when he walks further inside, he hears Makoto in the shower. More specifically, he hears Makoto  _singing_ in the shower. He moves as quietly as he can as to not alert the other that he's inside, seeing as Makoto apparently didn't hear him come in just a few seconds ago. Rei realises he's never actually heard Makoto sing, and he quickly finds that he's absolutely in love with his boyfriend's singing voice.

" _Now you're the rain_  
_That dyes the earth with grey colour_  
_The depth increases and brightly shines_  
_Your voice calls me from the far limit_  
_Together we can see the Milky Way_ "

He doesn't recognise the song, but he likes the part he gets to hear. He decides to let Makoto be and goes into the kitchen. There are fresh groceries stocked in the fridge, as well as some dry goods like noodles, rice and spices on the shelves. The overall aura in the apartment feels like a warm and happy one, and it makes Rei feel a little better about his still somewhat foul mood from earlier. Despite his teammates having convinced him that their loss wasn't anything important, it still stubbornly sticks to the back of his mind.

Makoto opens the bathroom door, and when he sees Rei coming out of the kitchen, he jumps. "R-Rei?! I didn't— I didn't know you were... since when have you been back?"

"A few minutes. I'm sorry I scared you, I didn't want to interrupt you in the shower."

"Wait. Did you... hear it?"

"Hear what?" Rei asks back, trying to feign ignorance. Makoto seems to spot it, as he immediately squeaks and turns around. The tips of his ears are turning a light red, and Rei can't help but smile. He walks up to Makoto and embraces him from behind, taking in the scent of shampoo and soap.

"You heard me, didn't you?"

"I did. I really like your voice", Rei hums and nuzzles his nose against the back of Makoto's neck. "I'd love to hear you sing again."

Makoto tenses and squirms, but Rei doesn't let go. "Oh my god. I'm not gonna sing in the shower ever again", he mumbles.

"Does that mean you've done it before?" The lack of a response tells Rei that it has indeed happened before, and he silently mourns having missed out on those moments. "I told you, you have a beautiful voice, and I really don't mind it. I liked what I heard."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Makoto relaxes ever so slightly and turns around to properly hug Rei back. The towel on his shoulders is a little damp, but Rei doesn't mind. He just really needs to be hugged by Makoto after this weird day, and hopefully it'll get him in a better mood soon.

Eventually, he lets go and the two of them go to sit down in the living room. Rei blushes a little at Makoto's surprised expression when he insists on sitting next to instead of on the opposite side of Makoto.

"Is something wrong?"

Rei leans his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "I've just had a weird day."

"Why? Oh, does this have to do with your race? How'd it go?"

He bites his lower lip, knowing that Makoto's probably just going to say what Nagisa, Nobuo and Kei have already told him; it's not his fault, it's just a practice race, it's not all his responsibility. "We lost", he says. "And I feel bad, because it was the first race we had with the new members, and I was the captain who let us lose."

"You didn't  _let_ the team lose, though, did you? You can't just blame yourself in this just because you're the captain. It's called being part of a team for a reason. Just move past it and try to do better next time. You have until spring before the big regional tournament, after all, so there's plenty of time left. Don't worry about it."

"I guess", he replies, surrendering. Rei's already had his entire team lecture him on this, and he doesn't need more of it; he just wants to let it go and move forward. "So how was your day? How did it go with your therapist?"

Makoto sighs. "It was okay, I guess. I just... okay, I really need you to not freak out on me now. Please promise me that."

Rei frowns and lifts his head, suddenly worried, and a little ball of worry forms in the pit of his stomach. "What is it?"

"I've been talking to her about my nightmares. Especially... er, the ones involving you. Because those are the ones that impact me the most."

"What? Wait... you have nightmares about me?"

Makoto quickly puts up a hand to calm Rei. "It's not like that. It's just... I have nightmares in which you drown. It's always reminiscent of the training camp we went to two years ago, where you've gone out for a swim and I discover you. I always paralyse with fear and end up not being able to save you, and I—"

He's unable to finish his sentence, but Rei quickly pulls him close and embraces him. "They're just nightmares, they aren't real. I'm here, aren't I?"

"But what if one day you're not? I just— I can't stand the thought of losing you", Makoto says.

Of course, Rei can't promise he'll always be there, because like Makoto said, there might be a day when one of them disappeared, or if they broke up and went their separate ways. It's not something Rei wants to think about, but he knows that it's a possibility that they can't really look away from. They can't always be together, and they have different schedules during the day, as well. It's not like they could go tethered together at all times, either — that would just be unnatural and cause problems.

"I know", Rei elects to say instead. "And I feel the same way about you. But it's not something we can do anything about. Though I do know now that I probably shouldn't go out alone at night for a swim, even though I am much more capable of swimming now than I was back then. I wouldn't want to do anything that would cause you worry or pain."

Makoto shakes his head. "No, that's not what I meant; I don't want you to refrain from doing things just because I'm scared. Though the whole thing with swimming alone is a good thing to avoid, but you know... you don't have to alter the things you do for them to fit my preferences."

Rei can't help but smile at Makoto's wording. "Don't worry about that, Makoto. Like I said, I know better now than to go out alone into the ocean for a nightly swim, and as you might already know, I'm not the most adventurous person. As far as me putting my life in danger, that's not a concern."

Relaxing a little, Makoto leans his head on Rei's shoulder. "Okay. Yeah, you're right. I just get paranoid like that when I've been confronted with my nightmares. Either having them or talking about them, I guess."

"Okay. That's fine, but they're still just nightmares and not in any way depicting or predicting the future. That would be ridiculous."

Makoto laughs. "Yeah."

They sit in silence for a while, Makoto still just resting his head on Rei's shoulder while the other gently just runs his fingers through Makoto's hair. It seems to work, as Makoto's tense body finally softens and relaxes.

"Do you feel like your appointments with your therapist are having a positive effect, despite everything?"

"I do. Even if it's stressful and tough to talk about, it's also kind of refreshing to vent. She always seems to have something to say that sticks with me in a good way."

"I'm glad. Now, we should probably prepare dinner, what do you say?"

Makoto sits up straight and smiles. "Yeah, you're right." As Rei is about to get up, Makoto grabs his hand, stopping him. "Rei?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For being so understanding and patient, I mean."

"Of course. And thank you as well, for cheering me up. I needed that."

"We complement each other so well", Makoto hums and embraces his boyfriend, who quickly develops a furious blush on his cheeks and starts squirming to break free, but to no avail; Makoto's simply too strong for him.

"Makoto, we should really get working on dinner. I'm hungry."

"I know something else we can do in substitute for dinner. It's good exercise, too."

Rei pushes his boyfriend off of him and pouts. "Jeez, you're hopeless."

"You don't mind me being hopeless, though, do you?" The dark blue-haired boy goes silent, and Makoto laughs again. "I take your silence as a no, then."

"Sh-shut up!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Makoto sings is "[Milky Way](http://pinkbandagedandbloody.tumblr.com/post/52400681100)" by VERTUEUX, and it's one of my favourite songs. The lyrics are beautiful and I just needed Makoto to sing it. (Also, I love Tattsun [Makoto's VA, Tatsuhisa Suzuki]'s singing voice, so it goes well together. Him singing that song would be the ultimate dream, tbh.)
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	25. Secrecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto gets a both welcome and unwelcome surprise, courtesy of his friend and boyfriend.

_Makoto_.

 

"... and you will have an assessed quiz on Thursday, which is going to consist of fifteen two-choice questions. Don't forget that you'll have to go and renew your loans if you've borrowed the book on childhood skill acquisition for this class; I heard from the library that some of you haven't done so yet. That's it for today, you're dismissed."

Makoto closes his notebook with a sigh when he remembers that he's one of those who has to renew his loan for said book, and decides it's a good opportunity to sit and study in the library for a while, anyway. It's four o'clock, and he isn't really in much of a hurry back home, even though Rei doesn't have practice today. They already have all the groceries Makoto needs to cook their dinner, so he doesn't have to stop by the family mart on the way home. Makoto and Rei have decided that Makoto cooks on the days when Rei has practice, which is pretty much every other day, so they essentially take turns, sometimes cooking together.

Ever since they moved to Tokyo, Makoto's steadily been improving his cooking skills, and his accidents in the kitchen are getting fewer and further in between. He's also gaining more confidence, finding that he really likes to cook and that it's interesting to learn, experiment and discover things as he goes along. The cookbook he got from his mother a while back has really come in handy, which has a lot of basic and cheap recipes they've been making a lot.

After having renewed his loan, Makoto goes to sit in a quiet corner of the library and pulls out his laptop and books. Aside from the quiz coming up, Makoto has an exam in physical activity and health in schools coming up, and he doesn't feel prepared at all for it. The amount of books in his bag would probably prove it further, too. It's one of the most interesting modules he has, but it's also very difficult to keep up with. At least his professor's nice, and always offers help in case anyone needs it.

There aren't too many people around him, and Makoto guesses that maybe people just aren't bothering with studying at the library and just heading straight home instead. He finds that it's a lot easier to concentrate when he's at the library since he doesn't have anything that'll distract him apart from maybe his phone, but that's not enough for him to actually get properly distracted and start procrastinating his studies.

While scribbling down notes in his block from his book, he searches the internet for more updated web articles on the subject just so he can get a better grip. He doesn't understand why they're using such an outdated book in a subject that involves psychology, since they're bound to have found something that changes the aspects of the psychological subject if even just a little bit.

The doors to the library open, and Touka steps in. Makoto nods at her to acknowledge her presence, and then looks down at his book again. He assumes she'll just sit down and join him, but she soon taps on his table, causing him to look up again.

"Hey", she says.

"Hello, Touka-san. Is something wrong?"

She shrugs. "Well, that depends on how you see it. I don't think so, though. Your boyfriend's here."

Makoto freezes, and he looks behind Touka to find Rei, who looks back at him with the same amount of surprise as Makoto's feeling. This wasn't even on his list of things he should've expected today; Rei has never been to Gakudai before, and he thought he'd be the one to take him there and guide him around. It feels odd, almost like Rei has something he absolutely has to tell Makoto right now, and worry joins the confusion and embarrassment Makoto's feeling right now.

"How did you..." he begins, but doesn't dare finishing the sentence, since it's already been said out loud and doesn't need to be flaunted with once again. He feels like everyone around him is staring at them, but he doesn't dare move his eyes away from Rei to confirm his suspicions. His ears are feeling hot and all he wants is to just sink through the ground, but that wouldn't be good for Rei who's still standing in the doorway waiting for him.

"Wait, really, he _is_? Oh _shit_... Makoto, I'm sorry, I didn't know. I didn't mean to—"

"It's fine", Makoto says, suddenly feeling anxious and wanting to leave. He closes his laptop and books and quickly stuffs them into his bag. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Are you sure it's fine? I really didn't know, and I should just learn how to make proper jokes. That was fucking terrible of me. I'm really sorry."

Makoto gets up from the armchair and swings his bag over his shoulder. He tries giving Touka a reassuring smile, but it's a stiff and very forced smile that shows instead. "It's fine, really."

He makes his way over to Rei, who begins walking just as he makes it to the doors. Makoto feels Rei's eyes on him as they exit the building and start making their way off campus, and Rei finally speaks up once they're outside the gates.

"I didn't mean to inconvenience you, Makoto. I just wanted to surprise you."

Makoto shakes his head and is just about to take Rei's hand, but quickly decides against it. "It's okay, you couldn't have known. Let's just go home, okay?"

 

* * *

 

When they get back home, they both go quiet, making the air around them feel awkward. Makoto doesn't know how to quite initiate the conversation on the topic, but he takes a deep breath and tries anyway.

"I'm sorry. I haven't told anyone yet, but I've been meaning to. It's just that it hasn't been my top priority and I kind of forgot."

"Makoto, don't say you're sorry, please. I don't blame you, it's... it's not easy to talk about. And especially since we're both pretty new to Tokyo; we don't know how people around here think of... those things."

Makoto balls his hands into fists and looks down at them resting in his lap. "Do you want to be out to people around us? I mean, do you think we should tell more people than just those we know from Iwatobi?"

"I don't know. I mean, yes — I do want to, one day. But right now, it feels a little scary. I just don't want you to get into trouble here because of who you're with. I know it would be easier if you dated and lived with a woman, but—"

"Stop, don't continue on that track", Makoto interrupts. "I don't and never will wish that I wasn't into men, or that I wasn't dating or living with you. I don't want to trade this for anything in the world, and I'm happier than I ever imagined I could be. I know that it might not suit the social norm, and that there are a few things that will become a little more difficult for us, but I still wouldn't want it to be different."

"By difficult you mean impossible", Rei mumbles. Makoto looks up and sees Rei looking hesitant, looking down and nibbling on his bottom lip. "I know you want children, and that's not something I can give you, and we can't do anything about since we can't adopt, either. I don't want you to make such great sacrifices for me, since it's such a big and significant thing that changes your life forever."

Makoto shakes his head. "It's not  _that_ important. Yes, okay, it makes me a little sad knowing I won't be able to have children, but it's still not a good enough reason for me to break up with you. Besides, if all goes according to plan, I'll be teaching kids in the future, anyway, so I'll still be around kids a lot. And that's better than nothing."

"But they still won't be  _your_ children", Rei replies softly. He sighs. "I just don't want you to sacrifice your happiness and compromise yourself just for me. I can't live with myself knowing I'm robbing you of a source of happiness."

While it's true that Makoto feels a little sad over the fact that he can't have his own children, he wouldn't dream of abandoning Rei over such a thing. He already has pretty much all he wants and needs to be happy, and children would just be an added bonus. A big bonus, yes, but still not significant enough to the point where it seriously grieves Makoto that he won't get to experience it himself, unless Japan decides to change their laws drastically. He doesn't expect it to happen soon, if ever, so it's not something he has high hopes for since he knows he'll just get disappointed as time goes by and nothing happens.

"You're not", Makoto says, unclenching a hand only to bring it across their kotatsu table and reach for Rei's hand, taking it in his. "You  _are_ my source of happiness. I'm completely serious; coming home after a long and rough day at Gakudai and just seeing you as soon as I come in is enough to brighten my day."

Rei's eyes widen and his cheeks turn a light shade of pink as he averts his gaze to the side. "You're probably exaggerating."

"I'm not! Seriously, I'm really glad I'm with you, and that you're here. I've said it a million times before but I'll keep saying it as much as I have to for you to understand how truly glad I am that this worked out between us."

"That I sent a text message to the wrong number all those months ago, you mean", Rei mutters, and Makoto laughs.

"Yeah. Imagine if you hadn't. It would've probably taken longer for anything to happen since I'm such a coward and didn't know back then how you felt about me."

Makoto often thinks back to that occasion and how such a minuscule detail ended up in the two of them eventually dating. He doesn't know how long he would've been able to keep his feelings hidden, but he remembers that he was pretty close to confessing that day when he received the text message from Rei, originally addressed to Nagisa telling him not to let Makoto know how Rei felt about him.

They may have had a weird and bumpy road leading to where they currently are, but Makoto's strangely glad that all of those things that happened led them here, since otherwise things might have looked a lot different.

 

* * *

 

His nose is buried in his textbook and he's so concentrated that Makoto doesn't hear Haru calling his name until Haru says it the fourth time.

"Ma-ko-to!"

Makoto flinches and looks up. "Yeah?"

"Seriously, an earthquake could be happening and you wouldn't even notice. Are you staying for dinner? Was planning on starting pretty soon, because I'm hungry."

He realises he hasn't eaten that much that day; the sandwich he'd gotten at Seven-Eleven between his anatomy and phys-ed classes hadn't been nearly enough to satisfy his hunger, and that was five hours by now. As his stomach lets out a low rumble as if on cue, Makoto blushes a little and nods.

"Yeah. I'll text Rei and let him know. Thanks, Haru."

Haru nods in response and goes out into the kitchen. Makoto notices his best friend's gotten a little more muscular and figures his training must be going well. It's weird comparing with how they used to live practically next-door to each other back in Iwatobi and Makoto saw Haru every day, and now they only see each other once in a while once their schedules align somewhat.

One thing Makoto preferred at Haru's old place compared to this apartment is the heating; it's far colder in this apartment than the house he had in Iwatobi. During summer, it used to be nice and cool since Haru had all windows and doors open pretty much all day until after dinner, and then during winter, he only really had to turn on the kotatsu and it'd be enough to keep the entire bottom floor heated. Haru's heating is a little better than the one Rei and Makoto have in their apartment, though, and Makoto doesn't look forward to what it's going to be like during winter when it's gotten properly cold.

Just like he's told Haru, Makoto sends off a text to Rei, telling him that he won't be joining his boyfriend for dinner.

 **You** :

_I'm having dinner at Haru's, so you'll be eating alone. Sorry! I hope I wasn't ruining any plans or anything you might've had. I'll be back right after dinner, though._

He bites his lip in hesitation before finishing the text with a  _love you_ , and then sending it off. It isn't that he doubts whether he loves Rei or not — he just doesn't want to risk saying it too often now that they've finally said it to each other. He wants to rather prove it than say it, but maybe just every once in a while is fine. Just as a reminder.

 **Rei** :

_Oh, that's fine; I have a lot of studying to do, anyway, so I was thinking I could study whilst eating. Doubt I would be good dinner company. Have fun, and tell Haruka-senpai I said hi. I love you, too._

Makoto smiles a little to himself, replies that he will, and tells Rei not to overwork himself, which Rei has a frequent tendency to do. Haruka comes back with their food, and the two of them enjoy a well-cooked dinner — Makoto never doubted Haru's cooking and still doesn't have a reason to — whilst conversing about trivial matters and their current schedules. As Makoto had expected, the process of Haru getting a sponsor has been going forward, and he's now just about to go professional 'for real', which would force him to drop out of his art studies at university. Not that he thinks Haru would mourn the loss of said education.

They do the dishes together; Haru washes and Makoto dries them off. Back in Iwatobi, Haru would've never let Makoto help and just told him to sit down since he's a guest, but it seems like he's given up on that now, for some reason. Makoto doesn't like just sitting around, either, and besides, he's technically not a guest at Haru's place since they're like brothers, anyway. Well, at least to Makoto — he doesn't know if Haru shares those sentiments.

"Makoto?"

He turns to face Haru, who looks at him with a concerned frown. "Yes?"

"You've been spacing out ever since you got here. Is something wrong?" His grip on the towel tightens, and Haruka glances down, noticing his unconscious move. "I saw that. Something  _is_ wrong. Talk to me."

Makoto sighs and averts his gaze. "Yesterday was just... weird, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

"Why, what happened?"

"Can we finish this and go sit down first?"

Haruka looks at the remaining glasses they have to wash and dry off, and nods, saying nothing else. They finish in silence, and then go out into the living room to sit down by the kotatsu. Makoto's been trying to forget all about yesterday's incident all day, but it's been stubbornly stuck to the back of his mind, refusing to give him some peace of mind. Even though he's talked to Rei about it and knows how his boyfriend feels on the matter, he doesn't know what his new friends and course mates are going to think once they find out.

Some people probably already know had they paid attention to what happened in the library, and knowing that had Makoto keeping a low profile all day, trying his best not to bump into anyone who might confront him on it. He hates confrontations and he's not good at dealing with them, and when it's about such a sensitive matter like this, he's not sure he'll be able to handle it without losing his cool.

"I was in the library yesterday studying when Touka-san came in, and she told me that... that my boyfriend was here."

Haru raises his eyebrows. "Have you told her about Rei?"

"I hadn't, that's kind of the thing. And then I reacted in a way that revealed that what she said wasn't far off from the truth, and things got awkward. I'm pretty sure everyone who was in the library at that time now know I'm gay."

Haru nods and ponders Makoto's words for a few seconds with a little frown. "I don't think it's that bad. Have you talked to her today?"

"No", Makoto says and shakes his head. "I was avoiding pretty much everyone, and I think she understood that. She did send me a text message earlier saying how sorry she was, though, and she'd called twice."

"It sounds like she really  _is_ sorry, then. You should probably just listen to what she has to say. I know how much you hate being confronted and all that, but this isn't a bad thing."

The brunet sighs and rests his chin over his crossed arms on the low table. "I guess so. I also feel bad, because it feels like I made Rei feel like he was being a bother or unwanted when he showed up like that, which is definitely not the case."

Haruka shrugs and gets up from his pillow. "So tell him. You'll see him tonight, anyway. I'm gonna make tea, do you want some?"

"Yeah, thanks." Before Haru disappears into the kitchen, Makoto speaks up again. "Thank you, Haru. I'm glad I got to talk to someone, and that you were willing to listen to me rambling about my problems."

His best friend frowns a little as he turns around again. "You know I'll always listen to you. And it's okay. Are you done?"

Makoto laughs. "Yeah, you're free to go."

 

* * *

 

He expects it to still be a little weird between him and Rei when he comes home late that night, since they haven't really talked much since just before dinner the night before. They almost never see each other in the morning since Rei leaves so early, so their only chance of seeing each other is when evening comes and they're both back from school. Rei is on the phone in what sounds like a heated conversation, and for a second, Makoto fears it might be his parents.

"... no, I do  _not_. I know that it isn't going to be received positively, and I want it to be— oh. Welcome home, Makoto."

Rei's eyes fall on Makoto as he realises he's not home alone anymore, and Makoto offers a smile. "I'm home. Am I interrupting something?"

"No, no — I'm just talking to Nagisa-kun on the phone."

Makoto tilts his head in confusion. "Didn't you just see him a few hours ago?"

"I did, but he had some things he needed to ask." Rei returns his attention to the phone. "We will continue discussing this in school, Nagisa-kun. I will. Yes, good night."

He hangs up and gets up to properly greet Makoto with a kiss. "How was spending time with Haruka-senpai?"

"It was fun, and nice to get to talk to him since I don't get to do that a lot. I hope it wasn't too lonely having dinner by yourself."

"No, no — it was fine. I was just reading while eating, anyway."

Not being able to contain his curiosity, Makoto leans close to Rei and nudges his nose with the other's. "So what were you talking to Nagisa about?"

"Oh, just... he asked me for some help with his maths homework. Should we head to bed soon?"

"Mmm, maybe. I'm not tired, though."

Rei pulls away a bit and averts his gaze, which confuses Makoto. "Listen, I've been thinking about what we talked about yesterday. I didn't want to talk about it then since it was still fresh, and I thought that maybe we'd both need some time to process it."

"Okay... what do you mean?"

"I don't know how I'll be able to handle situations like these in the future. Like if others at Iwatobi found out, and what the consequences would be. I'm scared they school's going to contact...  _them_ , and I don't even want to think about what would come next."

"But why would they contact your— er, them? I mean, you're not breaking any rules or laws, I'm not even going to Iwatobi anymore."

"I know, but... it could gross other students out. Just— knowing that I'm not... normal."

Makoto flinches. "You think this isn't normal? What we have?"

"No! No, that's not what I meant. I mean that I'm not like them, and they're obviously majority. Surely I'm not the only homosexual person attending Iwatobi High, but I'm pretty sure that if I came out or were outed, I'd be the first. And I don't know how the school would handle that. I'm in my last year and I'm so close to graduating, I just don't want anything to happen."

"So you want us to stay low, is that what you mean?"

Makoto doesn't understand what Rei is getting at, and he can't help but feel a little hurt. It's not like these thoughts haven't haunted him as well, of course he's wondered several times if he's different from others just because he's gay. But he's come to terms with it during recent months, that just because he's a minority doesn't mean he's not normal. And he knows that being homosexual definitely isn't against the law, which further proves that they're not abnormal just because they only get attracted to people of the same sex.

"No, well... maybe just when we're back in Iwatobi. I'm sorry, it's not that I'm embarrassed of you or our relationship, I just don't want any unnecessary problems to arise because of it. And I think that might be more likely to happen in a small town like Iwatobi, especially since we both grew up there."

Nodding slowly, Makoto comes to terms with it and accepts Rei's request. "Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, speaking of Iwatobi, my parents wanted us to come over for a combined dinner somewhere in between our birthdays. That'd probably be in the beginning of December — do you think you have any exams or anything then?"

"I'm not sure, but I don't think so. If it works for them, I think it would be safer to do on a weekend just to make sure nothing clashes for us."

"Yeah, I guess—"

Makoto's interrupted by his phone ringing on the table, and he picks it up with a confused frown on his face.

 **Touka calling**.

He's even more confused now that he sees who's calling, but he picks up anyway. "Hello?"

" _Makoto? Hey, er, I'm kind of... outside your apartment. Is it okay for me to come up? Are you asleep?_ "

Makoto stands up and quickly walks over to the window. Indeed, he sees Touka standing outside with a phone to her ear, restlessly tapping her foot against the ground. "Oh", he says. "No, we're— I'm not asleep, and yes, you can."

" _Sorry for showing up uninvited and without telling you first. I just wanted to talk, and I was in the neighbourhood_."

They hang up, and Makoto turns to face Rei, shock and confusion still colouring his face. "You remember the girl from yesterday?"

"Suzuki-san?"

"Oh... yeah, Touka-san. Apparently she's coming up, she's outside."

He doesn't have time to say much more before there's a light knock on the door. He gives Rei a look before he walks out into the little hallway and opens the door for Touka, who immediately bows as the door opens.

"I'm really sorry for yesterday. I know it's my fault you were incognito today, and I wanted to apologise for making things so difficult. It wasn't on purpose, I promise."

Makoto shakes his head and smiles a little. "I already told you, it's fine. You couldn't have known, and maybe I should learn to put on a better poker face and not freak out like that. It wasn't anything you could've known beforehand, because I hadn't told you."

"But then I outed you in front of everyone in the library. Jeez, I can be really fucking insensitive sometimes", Touka mumbles and pulls her scarf up a little, covering her chin. She looks over Makoto's shoulder, and her eyes widen. "Oh... I didn't know you  _lived_ together. Hey."

Rei walks out and stands next to Makoto, smiling a little. "Hello, Suzuki-san."

She frowns a little, and Makoto thinks he sees a little blush on her cheeks, but it might just be because it's cold outside, too. "You don't have to be so formal with me, just Touka is fine. You guys must've grown up in a pretty strict place, huh."

"No, it wasn't  _that_ bad", Makoto says. "We're just too polite, I guess."

Touka snorts. "Yeah, I can agree with that. Anyway, so we're cool?"

"Yes, of course."

Clearing her throat, Touka prepares to leave. "Well, again — sorry for coming by so late. I'll see you in anatomy class, yeah?"

Makoto smiles and nods. "Yeah. Be careful on your way home."

"Sure. Nice seeing you again, er..."

"Rei", the dark blue-haired boy fills in, and Touka nods. "Yeah, sorry. Rei."

She bows slightly and disappears down the stairs out on the street, and when she turns the corner, Makoto closes and locks the door. Rei takes his hand, and he looks down at it, a little surprised.

"You seem to have made a few friends", Rei says. "She seems like a really nice person, and I'm sure the others in your group are similar."

"They are. I guess I got lucky in some aspects, huh."

"Not just some", Rei replies and stands on his toes to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. "Now let's go to bed, I'm exhausted and cold."

"Are you planning on using me as your heater?"

"Doesn't that come with the whole boyfriend-package, or did I misread something in the manual?"

Makoto shakes his head and can't help but laugh at his boyfriend's interesting choice of words. "I'll take my compensation somehow after you've taken some of my heat tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I made myself a little sad writing parts of that chapter, haha!
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	26. Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's birthday is coming up, and Rei is freaking out about what to get him. Thankfully, he has two friends he can ask for inspiration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took me a while, and I have no idea why. Next chapter should be a little easier to write... I hope! I'm in that weird 'between transitions' state, I guess that's why this one took a little longer than normal updates do.
> 
> Oh, and this is a long chapter, but that's for a good reason. (Maybe that's also a contributing factor as to why it took me so long to write, hahaha.)

Autumn has arrived in Tokyo, and the green leaves are turning red and yellow all around them. People have started to dig their sweaters and thin jackets out of their closets, and Rei finds it to be a not so beautiful sight despite the colourful surroundings he walks through when going to and from school, and when they're taking their occasional walks. Soon it'll be winter, and the entire town's going to be covered in white. It's Rei's least favourite season, and it's pretty ironic seeing as that's the season which his birthday is in.

Before his own birthday, he has Makoto's to think about. It's jsut about a month before his, and it's coming up pretty soon. He has yet to figure out what to give his boyfriend as a birthday gift, and while he doesn't want to give something that Makoto could easily just go and get himself, he doesn't want it to be over the top since he knows Makoto's going to refuse taking it. He's pretty similar in that regard, so Rei wouldn't really be able to blame the other if it were to happen. Not that he  _wants_ it to, and that's why he knows he has to find something that Makoto can both accept and appreciate.

He decides to take the rare occasion when Haruka's in Iwatobi as his opportunity, and asks both him and Nagisa for advice as they're having tea in a little coffee shop they've long since been regulars. It's one of the few places in Iwatobi where Rei actually enjoys both their tea and coffee.

"What about clothes, like a sweater or something? Do you know his size?" Haruka asks, and before Rei can answer, Nagisa interjects.

"Orca size."

"Nagisa."

"Come on, he's  _huge_."

Rei smiles and scratches his ear. "I don't, actually. And I don't want to inconvenience him by buying something he'll have to return or exchange for something else, that kind of defeats the purpose of a gift in my opinion."

"How about something a little more personal, then?" Nagisa ponders. "Like, get a photo frame and take a picture of the two of you to put in it. I hope you have a picture of you two together, otherwise you're probably the most boring couple ever."

"I do, but on my phone", Rei says, and he feels a little weird talking about that in Haruka's presence. The black-haired boy doesn't seem to take notice, though, so it might not be  _that_ bad. Talking about other things with Haruka is completely fine now that they've managed to become proper friends. But as soon as the subject is labelled "Makoto", things get a little weird. Maybe it's just Rei imagining it, but sometimes he feels like the air gets a little heavier then.

"That's fine", Nagisa replies and waves his hand dismissively. "Just send it to your email and go somewhere they can print it out for you. It's easy, really."

Rei thinks about it and finds that it might not be too bad an idea. They don't have too many pictures together, but having one somewhere in the apartment might, if nothing else, give it a more personal touch. It'll also serve as a reminder that they've managed to come this far and that there's really nothing that says they can't go further than this. It might just be Rei overthinking things, but at least it gives him an excuse to go through with it.

"I really like that idea, actually. Thank you for the suggestion, Nagisa-kun."

He and Haruka say goodbye to their friend by the train station before they board their train back to Tokyo. Rei is glad he has some company this time, which'll hopefully make his train ride back home feel a little shorter. They've had a nice afternoon in Iwatobi, and while Rei usually doesn't like to spend more time than necessary there, he was able to keep his mind off things for the duration of his after school-stay there.

Rei looks out the window as the train leaves the station and lets out a sigh of relief. Despite it being rush hour traffic, they'd gotten seats on the train and probably wouldn't have to get up until they had to get off, Rei's stop coming before Haruka's.

"Rei, are you alright?"

"Huh?" He turns his attention to Haruka, who looks at him with concern.

"Is it still that bad being in Iwatobi?"

Rei looks down at his hands, which he clenches into fists. "A little. I'm mostly scared, though."

"Do you think they'd do anything if they were to see you?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know, but I'm sure they'd at least look at me if they noticed me. And that in itself is something I don't even want to experience. I don't want to see them at all."

Sometimes it feels like he's lived in Tokyo for longer than he actually has, but when he's reminded of things like these, he realises that it hasn't actually been that long, it's just been about two months. It's been about two months since he moved away from Iwatobi, but the bad memories still linger stubbornly. He wonders if he'll ever be able to properly let go of Iwatobi despite those things — it's where he grew up, after all. And of course, all memories he has from there aren't bad ones.

"I see", Haruka says, and he doesn't continue further on the subject, which Rei is thankful for. It feels a little strange but also good that he can talk to someone about it, and for that someone to also be Haruka is a nice bonus. He knows he can talk to Makoto about it as well, but Makoto doesn't drop the subject as easily as Haruka can, which can get a little troublesome at times.

" _Next stop, Kokubunji. Please make sure to have all your belongings with you when leaving the train._ "

Rei looks up and realises he's already home. He and Haruka had spent the majority of the train ride talking about various trivial things, and it was nice. It feels like the two of them have really become friends again, almost to the point where they are better friends now than they were at Iwatobi. Maybe the change is to be expected if they hang out this often, but Rei certainly isn't one to complain. He's glad that they're able to spend time normally like friends do, without it being awkward. It had been somewhat of a journey to get there, but it was well worth it.

"Looks like this is my stop", Rei says. "It was nice spending time with you today, Haruka-senpai."

"Likewise", Haru says. "Take care on the way home from the station; it's gotten dark, after all."

Rei smiles. "I will, thank you. Oh, and you, too."

 

* * *

 

Thursday after school and swim practice, Rei goes into a photo print shop in Iwatobi that he's actually never even been in before. They have machines where you can print yourself, but they only offer small-size photos, so Rei decides to go up to the counter instead. At first, he's a little afraid they're going to look at the photos and give him weird looks, but the woman who serves him is both friendly and professional, not commenting on the photos or anything as she goes to print them. He realises he might be overreacting; this is their job, after all, and they probably get a bunch of photos of a more peculiar nature than the ones Rei wants to have printed.

When he's done, his next stop is a frame shop not too far away, and he spends a good ten minutes walking around and trying to decide on two good ones. Since he printed out two of their best photos together, he decided to give Makoto two photo frames instead of just one, and then get him something that might not be as personal, but he hasn't thought of _what_  just yet.

Having bought two frames and had them gift-wrapped, Rei goes into a small clothes shop where he gets Makoto a pair of dark-grey gloves after quite some time of looking around and thinking, and then considers his business in Iwatobi done for the day. He heads for the train station, hoping that Makoto isn't home when he gets back so he doesn't have to try and hide the fact that he's gotten Makoto his birthday gifts.

Rei knows that as much as he can try, he'll never be able to hide anything from Makoto, as the brunet has a way of reading the people he's close to. Rei still doesn't know how he's able to read someone like Haruka, but that's probably a given since the two of them have known each other since they were very young.

Coming back to the apartment, Rei luckily finds it to be empty, so he hurriedly goes into the bedroom and puts the gifts into one of the suitcases he used when he moved in, which was stuffed inside one of their closets. They haven't used them since, and Rei doesn't really think Makoto's going to go rummaging through  _his_ bag anytime soon, so he figures they'll be safe in there until he has to take them out again.

"Hello?"

Makoto's voice out in the hallway makes Rei flinch, and he quickly makes his way out again, trying his best to pretend like he didn't just hide Makoto's birthday presents in a suitcase in the closet. "Welcome home, Makoto", he says, and the other looks up at him with an exhausted smile.

"Oh, you were home. I know you're not going to like this, but I'm too lazy to cook or anything like that today. Can't we just order takeout?"

Rei furrows his eyebrows. "Why, did something happen?"

"No, it's nothing like that, I've just been at the gym for the past hour or so, and I'm super tired. I don't want you to cook when it's my day, so I can compensate by paying for our food. It's just for tonight."

"You went to the gym?" Rei asks instead, and Makoto nods.

"Yeah. I haven't been getting much exercise since... really, since we graduated. I just feel like I need to get back in shape again soon or I'll probably start gaining weight quickly. And then you'll have a chubby boyfriend instead of the one you're used to seeing."

"I wouldn't really mind", Rei replies with a shrug.

"Really?"

He snorts, offended. "Thank you for the confidence, Makoto. Of course I wouldn't; I love you for who you are and not the superficial things. They're just... nice bonuses, that's all." Rei can't help but blush faintly at the last few words, and Makoto laughs.

"I'm glad to hear that. Thank you, and of course I feel the same way about you. So, anyway... takeout or not?"

 

* * *

 

On the seventeenth, Rei gets out of bed early despite it being a Sunday. Luckily, Makoto's a heavy sleeper and likes to sleep in, so Rei doesn't have much to worry about when it comes to preparations for his boyfriend's birthday breakfast. He's got the entire day planned out, and while he's pretty sure Makoto doesn't know  _what_ they're going to do, the older male definitely knows Rei has something planned. Rei is one to pick up on the smaller details and remember most everything people tell him, and he knows this is something that hasn't gone unnoticed by Makoto, either.

He puts on his robe and slippers and walks out into the kitchen. He'd spent a little more money on groceries yesterday than he usually does, but uses the excuse that he rarely spends money on frivolous things and is pretty good with handling money. Every once in a while should be okay, but when it's a birthday, especially your boyfriend's, you really don't have to make up an excuse.

While the rice is steaming and the miso is heating up, Rei fries the salmon and prepares the sheets of nori. He's never really been good at multitasking, the only exception being when he's cooking. He's probably not in a hurry anyway, since Makoto's probably going to take advantage of it being a weekend and him having a day off. Rei doesn't even know if Makoto remembers that it's his birthday — his boyfriend had been quite busy in the last two weeks with university studies, so it wouldn't surprise Rei if it had slipped Makoto's mind.

The night before, Rei had been talking to Rin on Skype, and they planned that Rin is going to call them that evening after dinner, so that he can at least say happy birthday to Makoto. He's going to be back home for Christmas, so they'll all be able to meet up then, which is something Rei is really looking forward to, and he's sure his friends are, too. This also means that Sousuke is going to be there, which might create some tension between him and Haruka, and Rei just hopes that it won't be  _too_ awkward and that they'll at least be able to put their differences aside if only for that one day they'll have to spend together.

Whilst making as little noise as possible as he's moving about in the kitchen, Rei moves onto pour the miso into bowls and the rice into separate ones. When he's done plating everything, he puts it on a tray and carefully makes it into the bedroom where Makoto is  _still_ asleep. Rei shakes his head with a little smile as he slowly leans down to kiss Makoto on the forehead and hopefully wake him up.

Slowly but surely, Makoto opens his eyes and groggily looks around before his eyes focus. Rei's smile widens. "Good morning, sleepyhead. Happy birthday."

"Morning... and thank you. Wait", Makoto says before he sniffs in the air. Seconds later, his eyes brighten and a smile slowly creeps onto his lips. "You made me breakfast?"

"Of course I did, it's your birthday, after all", Rei says, and he's a little offended that Makoto didn't expect him to make breakfast on his birthday; isn't that a given between lovers? Maybe he's just being modest, and Rei doesn't really want to jump to conclusions, so he lets it go before he starts thinking about it too much.

He puts the tray down after Makoto has sat himself up straight with his back against the headboard. "Hold this while I go and sit down on my side of the bed."

"Okay."

Makoto does as he's told, and Rei crawls onto his side and sits up. He feels Makoto's eyes on him as he does so, and looks at him. "What?"

The brunet leans closer and kisses him on the cheek. "Thank you. You really didn't have to make me breakfast", he says.

"But I wanted to. And like I said, it's your birthday. Luckily it fell on a weekend — otherwise I would've probably had to get up earlier to prepare everything. So it wasn't all _that_ bad, relax. Oh, speaking of birthday", he says as he remembers what he hid in the closet about a week earlier. After having gone through the ordeal of carefully sitting down on the bed as to not spill out their miso onto the tray, or even worse — their bed, Rei gets off the bed again and goes to the closet where he opens up the suitcase and takes out the presents.

"You hid them in  _there?_ " Makoto asks when Rei returns to the bed, sitting down.

"I did. I figured you wouldn't look in there, and I'm guessing I was right."

"Yeah... Clever."

Rei presents his boyfriend with the three wrapped gifts, and Makoto frowns ever so slightly. "You didn't have to—"

"I know I didn't have to, but I  _wanted_ to. Just open them, will you? I'll take the tray."

They switch, and Makoto begins by opening the softer package, which Rei is kind of thankful for, since he wanted to save the personal gift for last. Makoto unwraps it to reveal the gloves, and he runs his fingers over them with awe written all over his face. "Rei... these are perfect, I've wanted a new pair of gloves since my old ones are too small. And it's getting cold out now, so this is exactly what I needed. Thank you."

The dark-blue haired boy smiles and looks down, suddenly embarrassed as he knows what's coming next. "You're welcome. And I was... planning that, to buy them since it's just about winter."

"I'm glad. You know what I need better than I do", Makoto says and laughs. He picks up the second gift, and Rei feels his heartbeat speed up a little as he watches Makoto unwrap it. Soon enough, the two frames containing the pictures of the two of them are in Makoto's hands, and Rei glances at him to try and read the expression on his face.

"Rei... this is... oh wow. I'm speechless." Opening the last gift, a similar frame comes out, but obviously it has a different photo inside. Makoto's smile widens at that, and it makes Rei's heart skip a beat.

"Is that... good or bad?"

Makoto looks up at Rei, and this time,  _he's_ the one who looks offended. "Of course it's a good thing! I... I would've never thought of something like this myself. I feel like a simple 'thank you' won't be enough. Ah... Rei, I love you."

Rei pouts as the blush on his cheeks turns a darker shade of red. "I love you too, of course. And... I'm glad you liked it. Now let's eat before our food gets cold and the nori gets soggy."

"Yeah, I hate soggy nori", Makoto says and laughs.

 

* * *

 

After breakfast, Makoto and Rei spend some time just being lazy and cuddling by the kotatsu where they're pretending to watch TV. Makoto has no idea that Haruka, Nagisa and Gou are both going to be there pretty soon, and that they're going out to eat at a restaurant for lunch. They've got the day pretty much planned; after their lunch — which Rei, Nagisa, Haruka and Gou are obviously going to pay for and not allow Makoto to pay for his share — they are going to spend some time back at the apartment before they call Rin, who also wants to wish Makoto a happy birthday.

Later on, Haruka's going to make dinner, and while Rei had been against the idea of Haruka being completely responsible for it, he'd eventually have to give up on trying to offer help as Haruka wasn't going to back down. He's a stubborn person, but Rei knows he's got a good intention, so he's not going to try and argue it further when the two of them do arrive.

Suddenly breaking the comfortable silence between them, Makoto's phone starts ringing on the kotatsu table in front of them. Makoto reaches an arm over Rei and grabs it to answer the call.

"Hello? Oh, hi! Thank you! Yeah, we just had breakfast a while ago. Rei made me breakfast on the bed", Makoto says almost boastfully, making Rei's cheeks heat up. He frowns a little to himself. Rei doesn't like listening in on other people's conversations, but as he's pretty much trapped, there isn't much he can do about it.

"Sure, hang on." Makoto takes his phone away from his ear and taps Rei on the shoulder. "Mum and Dad want to talk to the both of us, and they want us to turn on video. Is that okay?"

Rei looks up at Makoto and blinks in confusion. "Huh? Of course, but maybe we should sit up first."

When they've sat up properly, Makoto turns on his front camera and holds out the phone so that they both fit in front of it. Jun and Yuiko wave to them on the little screen, and both Makoto and Rei smile. "Hello, Jun-san, Yuiko-san", Rei greets them. "It's so nice to see you."

" _Good to see you, too! I heard you made Makoto breakfast... that was so sweet of you_ ", Yuiko sing-songs, making Rei feel embarrassed again.

"Oh, it— it was nothing, really. I just didn't want him to have to do anything on his birthday."

" _We were thinking of coming over if only to give you your gift, but maybe we could save it until you guys come over just before Rei's birthday? Is that okay for you, Makoto?_ " Jun asks.

Makoto waves his hand dismissively. "It's fine, I can wait. I think it would be more fun, anyway, since we're technically sharing a birthday celebration then, and we'll get to open our gifts together."

Rei almost wants to ask what Makoto meant when he said that they'll both be opening gifts, but then he remembers what the Tachibana parents had told him a while ago; about them considering him family and like their other son. So maybe it shouldn't surprise him if he does end up getting gifts from Yuiko and Jun, but it's not something he's going to start thinking about now in case it  _doesn't_ happen.

This whole thing with him having a family that isn't related to him by blood is obviously still a new concept to him, and he doesn't know Jun and Yuiko that well yet, so starting to make assumptions would be wrong and could create false hope within him that could be crushed and cause unnecessary disappointment. God only knows he's had too much of it with those who are actually related to him by blood.

" _Okay, just making sure. Well, we don't want to keep you on the line for too long, we just wanted to wish Makoto a happy birthday and see your faces. We'll see you again in... less than two weeks? Wow, time flies_ ", Yuiko says with a laugh. " _Did the third of December work for both of you, by the way?_ " _  
_

"Yeah, it does. It's on a weekend, isn't it?"

" _It's a Saturday_ ", Jun confirms. " _So we'll see you then?_ "

"Sure. Thanks again, Mum and Dad", Makoto says, and the smile on his face makes Rei feel all warm inside.

"See you soon, Jun-san, Yuiko-san", Rei chimes in, and they end the call.

 

* * *

 

 

Around half past twelve, the doorbell rings, which makes Makoto flinch behind Rei, who just calmly gets up on his feet and walks out into the hallway.

"Are we expecting someone?" Makoto asks, confused, and Rei is glad his back is turned against Makoto right now, as he can't hide the smile on his face.

"Yes", he says simply before going out to open the door. When he does, Nagisa doesn't waste a second and immediately goes in, gives Rei a quick hug and a "hi" before he kicks off his shoes, puts a plastic bag on the floor by the end of the hallway and runs inside to attack-hug Makoto by the kotatsu. 

"Mako-chan, happy birthday!"

Rei smiles before he turns his attention to Haruka and Gou, who are both still standing by the door. Gou offers him a smile, and Haruka just nods once.

"Ah, please come on in", Rei says and steps aside to let his other two guests come inside. They're both carrying bags similar to the one Nagisa dropped onto the floor next to him, and Rei probably doesn't even have to guess what's inside them. Well, in a way, he still does, but that's not the point.

"Wow, you two have a really cosy apartment", Gou says, awe-struck. Rei smiles.

"It's a little small, especially when we have guests over, but it's nice, yes. Please feel free to sit down. I'll go and get us all something to drink."

All of them gathered around the kotatsu, Makoto gets his laptop out and calls Rin on Skype. When he does pick up, Rei almost thinks he sees the redhead drop his jaw in his lap.

"Oh man,  _this_ is a surprise! Hey guys!"

"Rin-rin, we miss you!" comes Nagisa's loud voice right next to Rei's ear, and he winces, glaring at the blond who just gives him an apologetic smile.

"I miss you all, too! Oh, and happy birthday, Makoto!"

Makoto smiles widely at the screen and scratches his chin with his index finger. "Thank you, Rin. How are you?"

"I'm great, thanks. Just sore muscles, but I'll be fine. How are you?"

"We're doing good. How's the weather in Australia? Hot as always?" Gou asks back with a little smile.

Rin grimaces, but then laughs. "Yeah, it can get a little unbearable at times. I'm glad to see you, Gou."

"Likewise. I miss you, though. Both Mum and Sousuke do, too, and we can't wait to have you home for Christmas."

At the mention of Sousuke, Rei sees Rin's eyes glaze over for a second, and his lower lip quivers. But then he clears his throat and quickly gathers himself again. "I miss you, too. And I can't wait to come home, it's gonna be great."

"Why, don't you like it in Australia?" Nagisa asks, worried, and Rin waves a hand dismissively in front of the camera.

"I do, it's just that sometimes... I guess I get a little homesick." The last words are mumbled, and it puts a smile on pretty much everyone's faces.

Makoto nods understandingly. "That's probably normal. We'll see you in a month, though — that's not too far away. We'll just have to cope until then, but we always have Skype."

"Yeah", Rin says with a sigh. "Hey, I sent a birthday gift to you, but I'm guessing it'll take another day or so until it arrives. Sorry I couldn't make it until your actual birthday, I've been really busy."

"Dumb excuse", Haru mutters, and Rin flips him the middle finger. Makoto's smile widens, and he shakes his head.

"It's okay, I can wait. Thank you in advance. I'll be sure to call you when I've gotten it to thank you properly."

"Sure, that's fine. So hey, have you gotten anything from those friends of yours? From Rei?"

"Ah, I forgot!" Nagisa exclaims suddenly, and he pulls out his white plastic bag and shoves it in Makoto's lap. "I got you something. Well, we all did, of course."

Makoto stares at the bag in his lap, and Rei can't help but smile because of how cute he looks when he's puzzled. Haruka and Gou present their gifts to Makoto as well, and Gou turns to the screen again.

"Of _course_ we got him something. Go ahead, Makoto-senpai, open them! I want to see what the others got you."

Everything around them goes silent except for the sound of Makoto ripping paper, and he opens each gift one by one. Haruka's gift is a woollen, black hat, and he accompanies it with a "I hope you like it, because I didn't know what to get you", to which Makoto says that "of course he likes it", almost looking offended. Nagisa's gift is a phone case and a screen protector "because I know you get clumsy when you're distracted".

"Hey, that's not true", Makoto protests. "That doesn't mean I don't appreciate the gift, I really do. This case is really cool!"

Nagisa grins. "I'm glad. I'm kinda bad with picking out gifts for people, and I know you usually don't have a case on your phone. It could come in handy."

"I'm sure it will. Thank you, Nagisa."

Haruka and Gou seem to have gone shopping together, as Gou's gift is a muffler that matches the hat Makoto had gotten from Haruka earlier. Rei finds it funny that Makoto now pretty much has an entire set of outer clothing fit for the upcoming season; the gloves Rei himself had given him, and then the muffler and hat from Gou and Haruka.

When the opening of presents is all over with and the gift wrapping paper has gone down into the kitchen bin, they talk to Rin for a little bit before they have to get off and Haruka has to make dinner. They promise Rin they'll talk again soon, especially since Rei's birthday comes up just before Christmas, and then they hang up. As Rei expected, Nagisa, Gou and even Makoto offers to help Haruka in the kitchen, but the black-haired boy refuses and forbids any of them to come into the kitchen before he's done.

"That's Haru-chan for you", Nagisa says and laughs.

 

* * *

 

"... and thank you all  _so_ much for the gifts, and for coming. This has been one of the best birthdays I've ever had."

"One of the best? Not  _the_ best?"

"Nagisa-kun, that's a little..."

"I know, I'm kidding. It was fun! I'll see you again soon, okay?"

Makoto nods. "Of course. Thank you again for coming. Haru, thank you for making dinner, too — you know me too well."

Haruka frowns and breaks eye contact. Rei suppresses a smile; of course Haruka would know of Makoto's weakness to green curry. He'd been a little hesitant at first on whether or not it was suitable as a birthday dinner, but Rei told Haruka that it was probably fine and that Makoto would most definitely enjoy it. Haruka is the one amongst them who's best at cooking, so leaving that part to him was a good decision, even though Rei still wishes he could've helped somehow.

The three of them leave, and Makoto and Rei close the door behind them. Makoto lets out a sigh, and Rei smiles. "Quite a day, huh?"

"Yeah. Thank you, Rei. This was way more than I could've ever wished for... it was perfect. I'm so glad we could gather everyone, too. Next time it'll be your birthday, and hopefully we can make the same thing happen again."

Makoto and Rei make themselves ready for bed, and Rei tells Makoto to go into the bedroom ahead of him as he purposely takes a little longer in the bathroom after his shower. He mentally prepares himself with a deep breath, dries his hair off with the towel once more before he gets out and goes to join his boyfriend in the bedroom.

His boyfriend is already lying in bed, wearing his reading glasses and reading a book that Rei reads " _Child Psychology_ " on. He goes over to Makoto's side of the bed and slowly takes Makoto's reading glasses off, making the other look at him in confusion.

"Rei...?"

Interrupting his boyfriend, Rei places his lips over Makoto's, initiating a kiss. The other soon follows along, and Rei only breaks the kiss shortly to tug the duvet to the side in order to crawl on top of him, his heart beating a little faster. He's wanted to do this ever since their first time, being curious about what it would be like, and hopefully — if he doesn't completely screw up — he'll find out tonight.

Thankfully, Makoto's only wearing his underwear, so there isn't much clothing to remove. Rei feels like he'd probably start making mistakes there already, considering the way his hands are shaking. He tries to calm himself down, thinking about what Makoto told him when they had sex the first time.  _It's not supposed to be perfect the first time, that would only be unnatural_. This is the first time he'll try and be on top, and if all goes well, he hopes it won't also be the last time.

He pulls apart to open the drawer in Makoto's nightstand, and takes out the lube and condoms. It feels weird that they've actually used these once, and that  _he_ 's going to be the one to use them this time. It's almost surreal, but at the same time, it strangely enough excites him. He's read up on a lot of the basic stuff, so in theory, he should be able to do this. The only things he'll have to control are his own nerves, and things should be fine. No, Rei doesn't want it to just be 'fine', he wants it to be genuinely good.

Rei sits himself up and places Makoto's legs around his hips. Trying his best to ignore Makoto's shocked expression, he takes a deep breath.

"Is this okay?"

"Y-yes! Of course it is. Are you... are you sure you want to? You don't have to do this."

"But I _want_ to."

Makoto laughs a gentle laugh and places a hand on Rei's arm. "In that case, I want it, too. I want  _you_."

A low growl unconsciously escapes Rei's throat as he leans forward and captures Makoto's lips in a kiss again.

"Can you... can you take off your underwear?" he asks, once again having to break away from their kiss. Makoto only nods in response, and Rei gets off him so he can take off the last piece of clothing that stands in their way. Rei is thankful that Makoto didn't say anything, because just asking him to take off his underwear was embarrassing enough for Rei, and he wonders how people ever get used to doing this.

Not that he's against of getting used to it, of course.

He opens the bottle and pours some lube onto his fingers, almost hesitantly bringing them towards Makoto's entrance. He's terrified of hurting him, and hopes that either Makoto says something, or that he'll be able to read Makoto's facial expressions well enough if it happens.

Letting his index finger trace the outline of Makoto's entrance, he familiarises himself with it and the whole thing, whilst also trying to calm himself down. He sees Makoto starting to grasp at the sheets by their sides, and he wants to smile, but tightens his jaw to prevent it. Slowly, Rei inserts his finger and watches Makoto's reaction. The brunet's green eyes flutter shut, and he lets out a breathless moan. So far so good, it seems.

He makes sure to take it slow, to only curl his finger ever so slightly in the beginning, alternating between slowly pulling almost the entire way out and going in again. Soon enough, Makoto's entrance starts feeling a little softer around the edges, and Rei feels like it's safe to go in with a second digit. Makoto doesn't complain or say anything at all when he does, but his facial expressions are starting to worry Rei a little.

"Makoto, are you okay?"

Makoto opens his eyes and looks at Rei. He smiles reassuringly. "Yes, I'm fine. It feels really good, that's all. Don't worry, you can keep going — I promise I'll tell you if it hurts. Okay?"

"Alright then", Rei says, and he does as he's told. He keeps going for a while, curling his two fingers every now and then, never taking his eyes off Makoto. He really doesn't mind taking it slow in preparing Makoto since the last thing he wants is for his boyfriend to be in pain. Makoto seems relaxed, though, so it doesn't take too long before Rei feels like he could go in himself. "Do you... think I can do it now?"

Makoto looks at him and nods. "Yeah."

"I'll take it slow."

"Okay."

Rei sits himself back up and dries his hands on Makoto's towel behind him before he opens the package of condoms. He's read about it before and he's seen Makoto do it, so it doesn't take him long to put it on himself. When he's done, he opens the bottle of lube once again to put some of it onto the condom. Even though there's already some lube on it, he feels like there can't be too much of it. Again, he just wants it all to be a painless experience for Makoto, and he'll do whatever it takes to achieve that.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Rei, I'm fine. Stop worrying", Makoto says and laughs. "Go ahead... I can't wait any longer."

He nods, but still isn't feeling all too confident. He tries to push the stressful thoughts away as he prods at Makoto's entrance to make sure one more time, and then slowly goes in. Makoto's head falls backwards, and he moans again. "Oh my  _god_ ", he wheezes.

"Good?"

"Obviously. Keep going."

Rei pushes his cock in deeper while putting his hands down on the sheets below him to steady himself, and the sensation is sending chills down his back. It feels strange, but it's a good kind of strange. He's a little over halfway in, and can't help but wonder how it'll feel once he's all the way in. Again, this isn't something he wants to rush, so maybe it's a good thing that it takes him a while to get there. Because if it gets better the further he goes, there's no telling what he'll feel once he's all the way inside Makoto.

Slowly but surely, Rei goes further inside, and when he's finally all the way in, he exhales slowly. "Still okay?"

" _God_ yes, Rei... you're doing so good."

"Can I start moving?"

"Yeah. You're still asking too many questions, just go with whatever you want."

"But I want to make sure you're not getting hurt—"

Makoto puts a finger over Rei's lips and smiles. "I told you, I'll let you know if I'm in pain. You have my consent to do as you wish. Treat it as another birthday gift."

Well, that's technically what this was supposed to be from the beginning; Rei taking care of Makoto and making sure he wouldn't have to do a single thing. He does as he's told, and starts moving, slowly thrusting his hips forward. Makoto grabs his arms in a tight — but not too tight — grip, and soon enough, he's matching Rei's thrusting rhythm.

Small beads of sweat form on Makoto's forehead, and Rei feels that he's starting to sweat, too. He leans forward to kiss Makoto, and in doing so, he's going even deeper, which he didn't even think was possible, and Makoto moans into his mouth. Heat pools in the pit of Rei's stomach, and he feels like he's already going to ejaculate. It's only been a few minutes, and he feels like it shouldn't be this short. He'd always imagined love-making sessions to be long, and for theirs to end this soon would be humiliating. Especially since this is a birthday gift to Makoto, and one that he's pretty sure Makoto would return and want a refund for if such a thing was possible.

Well, he's not actually  _sure_ about that — it just feels like the most logical thing. His boyfriend isn't always logical, though, so he'd probably just say that it was fine. _  
_

Rei's thrusts turn less rhythmic and a little rougher as he can't help but give in to the impending orgasm. "M-Makoto, I'm going to come s-soon. I'm so sorry", he whimpers, slowing down to try and prolong it, if only just for a few seconds. Those few seconds could do a lot in this situation, especially since he doesn't want to finish way before Makoto gets close himself.

"It's okay, I'm going to come soon, too. Really soon", Makoto replies in a breathy voice.

Once again, Rei picks up the pace. Sweat trickles down his back, and he's sure that he probably doesn't look very beautiful right now. It may be a shameful display, but he imagines Makoto telling him that he's beautiful in his eyes. And that alone makes Rei feel less self-conscious. Soon enough, he enters ecstasy, sees stars in front of him and rides through his orgasm, their loud moans penetrating the silence of the room.

 

* * *

 

Rei lies on his back, the condom having been discarded into the bin, and he tries to regulate his erratic breathing. He looks to his side and watches Makoto's chest gently rise and sink, and he figures Makoto was quicker to do what he's still trying to do. He's still amazed by the fact that he managed to be the one on top, that it hadn't ended up in a total disaster as he'd originally feared. It took him a lot of courage, but he hopes that it'll get better with time, that he'll improve.

"That was amazing. The best birthday gift I've ever been given", Makoto says, and Rei raises his eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Makoto takes his hand, and while he'd normally pull away since they're both still sweaty, Rei grasps Makoto's hand back and ignores the obnoxious thought.

"I'm glad. Happy birthday again, Makoto."

"Thank you."

Now they have to take a second shower, and after convincing Makoto to get out of bed, the two of them get in the shower together and go to bed not too long after.

It's been a good day spent with their friends, and judging by how Makoto's been reacting to things all day, Rei thinks he must've enjoyed it as well. In less than a month, it'll be Rei's birthday, and he'll turn eighteen. Many things have yet to come, and Rei is looking forward to experiencing them with Makoto at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	27. Birthday surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Split Makoto/Rei POV! (A pretty long chapter again... I'm sorry! I didn't want to split it because it'd end up weird if I did.)
> 
> Makoto gets a strange phone call that leads to a very nice surprise just in time for Rei's birthday.

_Makoto_.

 

Makoto has an exam in physical activity and health the following Wednesday, and he feels like it went surprisingly well. He doesn't want to jinx himself, though, so he tries to stay neutral and just wait for the result to be posted online, hopefully within about a week or so. Exams are starting to pile up on him now since it's just before Christmas break, and it's taking a toll on his mental and physical strength.

He ends up coming home and taking a nap most days, having to leave the cooking to Rei, which makes him feel bad. Rei always tells him he's fine with it since his own workload isn't nearly as tough to get through, but Makoto obviously doesn't think it's okay. He makes a mental note to try and make it up to Rei as soon as possible, but first of all he wants to prioritise his studies. Things are going pretty well, especially thanks to the little study groups he and his friends arrange every now and then in the library after classes, and Makoto feels like he'll at least be able to pass this term with above average grades.

November ends with naked trees all over Kokubunji, and very thin snow on the ground that has Rei complaining every now and then that it's only going to get worse from here on out. Makoto doesn't mind the snow that much, what he  _doesn't_ like about winter is that it gets dark far too early in the day and makes the days feel a lot shorter. Ironically, that doesn't mean that he feels like time's passing any faster. All he really wants is for this term to be over so he can go on Christmas break, but he still has another two weeks before he can consider himself free until the beginning of next year.

"Do you have any plans for Christmas, Makoto-kun?"

"I do", he replies. "I'm gonna be spending it with my— friends and family back in Iwatobi. What about you, Miyuki-san?"

He catches himself before he refers to Rei as his boyfriend; he has yet to tell his new friends that he's dating a guy and that he's homosexual. It's not that he's embarrassed of Rei, hell — if it were that easy, he'd show up Rei to the entire world because of how proud he is to call him his boyfriend. But as things aren't that easy in a country where they still don't marry homosexual couples, and he doesn't know how these new friends of his think of homosexuality, he's chosen to stay quiet on the subject for now.

The only one who knows is Touka, as she was the one to accidentally guess it right that one time in the library, though she meant it as a joke and it wasn't something she'd actually figured out or been told. She's been very discreet and understanding about the whole situation since, and while Makoto feels her eyes on him as he's talking to Miyuki, he knows she isn't looking at him wondering why he chose not to tell their friend.

"I'm going back home, too, to spend Christmas break with family and friends. Are you excited?"

Makoto sighs and leans back in his armchair. "I am. I'm looking forward to being done with this semester, to not have to think about all these assignments and exams."

"Yeah, me too. Speaking of assignments and exams, we have a lecture in practical teaching soon, and we should go so we won't be late."

Touka starts putting her stuff into her bag, and Makoto does the same. Miyuki is the first one to get up and start walking out, and Makoto wonders if Touka is being slow on purpose, as she's usually really quick to do just about anything. He's proven right when they're exiting the library and Touka walks closer to him.

"You planning on telling her? Don't get me wrong, I understand if you want to take your time, just wondering."

Makoto shrugs. "It's not that I don't trust her, I just... don't feel too comfortable about outing myself to everyone right now. I will someday, but it might take some time."

She nods as they turn the corner, still walking slow so as to not completely catch up to Miyuki. "Sure, no pressure. I won't tell anyone, either. Promise."

"Thank you", Makoto replies, and he really is thankful for having such a kind and understanding friend like her in his life.

 

* * *

 

That Friday after classes have ended, Makoto decides to go into the big shopping mall, Marui, by the station. Tomorrow's when they're supposed to go back to Iwatobi and see his family for a joint birthday celebration, and while he won't be giving Rei his birthday present then, he wants to get it now just in case he won't have much time before Rei's _actual_ birthday. Especially since he still has a few assignments and, if he remembers correctly, two exams before Christmas break can finally begin.

He'd asked Touka for some advice, saying that he wanted to get something for Rei that went somewhat along the lines of what Rei gave him for his birthday last month, but she told him not to make it into a contest, because the two of them would probably start trying to top the other's gifts every Christmas and birthday, and it would get ridiculous. Makoto reluctantly had to agree, and was impressed by how Touka was so spot on with knowing how they would act in that situation, but he guesses it's not because she read their personalities — she's probably just scarily good at guessing.

Marui has a lot to offer, but the majority of what they offer is a little too expensive for Makoto's wallet. He does find a mystery novel he thinks sounds interesting, which he ends up buying. After having gone up as far as to the top floor and then back down again, Makoto finally finds a thick, woollen vermilion-coloured sweater that he instantly falls for, hoping that Rei will do the same. Again, he feels bad for not buying something that's a little more personal, but he hopes he'll be able to make up for it with whatever Christmas gift he decides on getting. He'll have to wait until his financial aid arrives on the twentieth, though, since he's starting to run a little low on money to spend on frivolous things.

Makoto almost wants to text Haru and ask what he's getting Rei, but he's not even sure if Haru's buying Rei a birthday gift to begin with. They've become quite good friends since that disaster during summer, but Makoto doesn't know if they're on safe ground just yet. And if there's anything he  _doesn't_ want to do, it's meddling with something he doesn't have anything to do with. Rei's and Haru's friendship is their own, and since it's still a little fragile, Makoto doesn't want to butt in, in case it might make things worse.

Having finished his business, he continues to the family mart where he gets groceries for tonight's dinner, which is going to be katsudon. Rei usually doesn't like the one they make in restaurants since they use so much oil when frying the beef, but thankfully he at least likes home-made katsudon. Makoto feels like his tastes have rubbed off on Rei who used to eat more low-fat meals that mostly just consisted of vegetables, and he wonders if that's a good thing. Makoto can eat just about anything, but has a weak spot for those dishes that might not be all that healthy for you.

When he's just about to turn the corner onto the street where the apartment complex lies, his phone rings, interrupting the music playing in his earphones. With his free hand, he presses a button on the microphone and answers the call.

"Hello?"

" _Mako-chan? It's me, Nagisa. Are you home yet?_ "

He stops walking and looks up at his apartment building. "No, but just about. Why?"

" _This is gonna sound really weird, but someone's gonna call you really soon, so I have to keep it short. It's a really nice surprise, though, I promise. And I know it's gonna make at least a certain someone we know really happy._ "

Makoto laughs. "Stop talking in riddles. Who is it?"

" _You'll know soon. Call me later, okay?_ "

Before he has a chance to ask anything else, Nagisa hangs up on him, leaving him with a head full of questions. It doesn't take long before the next phone call comes, and he takes a deep breath to prepare himself for whoever might be on the other line, and for a second, his heart stops. Maybe it's one of Rei's parents? But in that case, Nagisa's words wouldn't make sense. Because even if they were to call and tell Makoto that they regret everything that happened, ask them both for forgiveness and wants Rei to be their son again, he's pretty sure Rei wouldn't be too happy about it. Not after all they put him through — having even thrown them out of their house and had the audacity to say that they didn't consider him their son anymore.

Shaking off the thought, Makoto once again presses the button on his microphone. "Hello, this is Makoto."

" _Tachibana Makoto? Hello... my name is Kengo. I got your number from a friend of yours, and I hope you don't find this creepy or anything, but I have something I need to talk to you about, and I guess a favour to_ ask."

"Okay", Makoto says a little uneasily, and even though the voice on the other end tells him he hopes he doesn't find it creepy, he can't help but do. A stranger got his number from Nagisa and called him about a favour — what could Makoto do for someone he's never met or even heard of before?

" _This is all a bit sudden, but..._ "

What came next was something Makoto definitely would never be able to even dream about. As he's walking in through the door to the apartment complex, he struggles with trying to keep a straight face and not freaking out whenever he comes in to the apartment.

 

* * *

 

 _Rei_.

 

There's something a little odd about Makoto when he comes in through the door that early evening, but Rei can't quite put a finger on  _what_ it is, and it makes him so curious that he just has to ask.

"Makoto, is something wrong? You don't seem like yourself."

Makoto flinches and looks at him wide-eyed. "Oh... well... ah, it was just— Miyuki-san asked me earlier today about my Christmas plans, and... I haven't told her. About us, I mean. It's not that I'm ashamed of you, it's just that I don't know what they feel about... that."

Rei nods, still not moving from his spot just between the hallway and the living room. It's something that still kind of lingers in the back of his mind as well, so he understands Makoto's hesitance. "But Suzuki-san knows, doesn't she?"

"Yeah. She's really cool about it, though. Obviously I didn't tell her, I just have the worst poker face in the world and she happened to find out. I hope it's okay for you that she knows."

He smiles a little, walking up to Makoto and putting his arms around him. "Don't worry, I think she seems like a good person. I don't know your other friends, but I'm sure they're good people, too. I do understand that you don't want to tell everyone just yet, and that's fine."

"Really?"

"Yes. Do you want help with the groceries?"

Makoto looks down at his bags, and his eyes go wide again for just a second before he shakes his head. "No, it's okay. Thank you, though. How was your day?"

Rei lets go of Makoto and lets him take his jacket and shoes off, and the two of them walk back into the apartment together. "It was pretty good. I had an exam in biology, and it went well. What about you?"

"Oh, my day was good, too. Funny how we both had exams today, I guess it's that time of the year, huh."

He lets Makoto get to work in the kitchen, and he takes out his laptop to sit by the kotatsu and lazily browse the internet for a while. The weird vibe he got from Makoto just as he'd gotten inside still hasn't disappear, and even as they're having dinner and talking about all sorts of things, Rei feels like there's something going on that Makoto isn't willing to tell him about. He chooses to let it go; it's not like Makoto has a reason to hide something harmful from Rei, and if there  _is_ something going on, Rei hopes that his boyfriend will tell him about it whenever he feels like he's ready to.

"How did your exam go, by the way? I forgot to ask."

Makoto finishes chewing on a piece of beef before he answers. "It went pretty well. I don't really wanna jinx myself or anything, but I don't think I failed."

"I see. I don't think you failed, either, as you usually do well in school. I'm guessing you're enjoying your modules so far, though?"

"Yeah, I do. I feel like I understand what's going on for the most part, and while it's difficult sometimes, I just see it as a challenge. But what about you? You only have about half a year left of high school, how does  _that_ feel?"

Rei doesn't really know how he feels about it. Some days, he just wishes he could graduate tomorrow and have it all over with. But then there are some day when he feels the exact opposite and wants to almost repeat his third and last year because he's not ready to let go yet. He still doesn't know what he wants to do after graduation, and he knows that he'll have to decide upon something pretty soon, since they'll have to hand in their future plan forms in early spring.

While it sounds like there's still quite some left before he has to do that, the fact that Rei still has zero clue as to what to do with his future is stressing him out and making him feel like he's got less time to decide than he actually does.

"I... don't actually know", he admits. "It's going to be sad leaving high school, and I'm a little scared since I don't know what I want to do with my future yet. But at the same time, I think I'll be glad when it's over. I have many good memories to look back at when I do finish, after all."

Makoto smiles at him and nods. "Yeah. I felt pretty much the same way before I graduated myself, and while I do miss those days sometimes — you have to move on. And I mean, I'm still in touch with the friends I had while attending Iwatobi High, so it's not really that much of a difference. It's a little better, because what came out of it was me meeting you."

Rei looks down into his half-empty bowl and frowns a little. "Y-you're... such a sap", he grumbles, and Makoto laughs.

"I guess I am, but I can't help it."

 

* * *

 

"Are you about done soon? We'll be late."

"Sorry, sorry! Let me just grab my gloves and we'll leave. Promise."

Rei stands in the hallway, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his foot tapping impatiently against the tatami mat. He hears Makoto's frantically running footsteps in their bedroom, and although he's supposed to be annoyed at his boyfriend's tardiness, he can't help but smile. Rei had gotten ready with a lot of time to spare, just in case he'd forget something in the last second before exiting the apartment, but of course, Makoto would be the one to do so, and it really  _was_ in the last second, too. Well, at least Makoto would be the one to apologise to his parents for the two of them being late.

When Makoto's finally grabbed all of his things, the two of them exit the apartment, and Rei locks the door behind them before they take the lift down to the bottom floor. Makoto's wearing all of the things he'd gotten for his birthday; Gou's scarf, Haruka's hat and the gloves Rei had given him. With the scarf covering both his mouth and nose, Rei finds his boyfriend almost disturbingly cute, and has to struggle to take his eyes off of him as they get out of the lift and go out into the cold winter air.

Big snowflakes fall and land on their coats as they hurriedly make their way towards the train station. Thankfully, it's not icy on the ground, so they don't have to worry about slipping around. There's a few inches of snow on the ground, however, and while it's not that much better, Rei does prefer it over ice.

The town is already decorated for Christmas, and it's a very beautiful sight. Rei has decided to devote the next weekend to buying Christmas gifts, and he plans on maybe inviting Nagisa to join him. Either he'll have Nagisa come to Tokyo, or he'll risk coming to Iwatobi and walking around there instead. He feels like he's being unfair for dragging Nagisa all the way over to Tokyo just because he's scared of running into  _them_ , and even if he were to see them, he doesn't think they'd walk up to him or anything. So maybe it won't be too much of a deal for him to be there. Besides, soon enough, he'll spend even less time in Iwatobi once he graduates, so maybe he should try and go there as much as he can before then.

Makoto and Rei arrive in Iwatobi just before five, which was the time they'd promised to be at the Tachibana house. There's even more snow there than in Kokubunji, and Rei sighs internally upon exiting the station and walking the ten minute walk to Makoto's old house. It feels weird to say that, and for them to be back here again after all this time. It feels like they've just been on a very long vacation, and that they're coming back home now. But in reality, they've moved away and created their own home, and thinking about it still feels surreal to Rei.

"Feels good to be back", Makoto says, a puff of fog leaving his mouth as he talks. "I can't believe it's been several months since we came back here."

"We should visit more often", Rei replies, and Makoto nods.

"Are you okay, though? I mean, I know you don't like being in Iwatobi more than you have to."

Rei shrugs. "It's fine. They don't live in this direction, so I don't expect us to run into them here."

"Okay."

Makoto lets go of the subject, and Rei appreciates that. He doesn't want to talk about them more than he has to, because thinking about his former parents still hurts, as much as he doesn't want it to. He assumes that it'll get easier to deal with once he doesn't have to come back here five days a week for school. Hopefully he'll be able to either work or study close to where he lives, too, but even if there isn't anything available around Kokubunji or Koganei, Iwatobi's not even on his list of possible places to work or study after he graduates high school.

Sure, he and Makoto will go back regularly to visit Makoto's family, and they'll go see Nagisa as well — but that'll be the extent of it. And it obviously won't be five days a week, thankfully. This is one of the reasons as to why Rei actually looks forward to graduating, because it means he has one less reason to return to what was once the town he grew up and used to live in for the first seventeen years of his life.

When they walk up the steps to Makoto's old house, they pass by Haruka's, and the two of them stop just to look at it. It feels weird to see it like this; completely dark inside, the stray cats that used to come by the porch are gone as no one's feeding them anymore. No one's been living there for months, and it shows. **  
**

"Did Haruka-senpai's parents sell the house when he moved out?" Rei asks Makoto, who shrugs.

"No, they still own and pay for it. I think they still have it just in case either they come back or if he does. But I don't think he will, considering where he's at in life right now. There's really no reason for him to move back to a town as small as Iwatobi, so it's more likely that his parents would come back."

"Do you think they will?"

"I don't know. I never knew much about them to begin with, I only ever saw them a few times a year."

It still irks Rei, the way Haruka's parents just basically abandoned him to only come back and visit every now and then, around Christmas and summer. He really admires Haruka for being able to live on his own like that for so long; he'd just turned nineteen when he moved away from there, and having lived there on his own for so many years... Rei can't imagine himself in the same spot. He doesn't know if he'd be able to take care of himself at such a young age, and it astounds him how Haruka was able to do it.

They continue up the stairs and reach the Tachibana house, and Makoto's about to dig his keys out of his pockets before he stops himself and awkwardly smiles. "Forgot I don't have the keys to this house anymore", he says and laughs before he rings the doorbell.

Several sets of footsteps are heard on the other side of the door in just a few seconds, and soon enough, Rei finds himself being attack-hugged by Makoto's younger siblings Ran and Ren.

"Onii-chan! Rei nii-chan!"

Rei smiles and puts his gloved hands on the twins' heads. A warm feeling spreads in his body, making him feel like he's not so cold from having been outside anymore. He thinks about what Jun and Yuiko had told him a few weeks back about him being a part of their family now, and he can't help but smile. He's never had younger siblings, only an older brother, so to have Ren and Ran affectionately refer to him as 'Rei nii-chan' feels odd, but it also feels nice. It really does feel like he's gained a new family.

"Hey, hey — let them come inside, it's cold out there."

Yuiko emerges from the kitchen and goes out into the hallway, where she takes the twins' hands and leads them back in so that Makoto and Rei can go inside, too. Makoto closes the door behind them, and Rei shakes the remnants of cold off of him before he takes his coat off.

"Hello, Yuiko-san. Thank you for having us over", he says as he comes in and hugs her. She laughs and ruffles his hair with one hand.

"Jeez, Rei-kun, you're as polite as ever. It's our pleasure, and this is still your— well, I guess  _second_ home now. Anyway, what are we standing around here for? Come on in, don't just stand there! Dinner's going to be ready in about half an hour, is that okay?"

"That's fine, Mum", Makoto says with a little laugh. "We're not in a hurry, obviously, and we're just glad to be here."

"And we're glad to have you boys home", Yuiko says just as Jun comes out to join them and say hi. Makoto and Rei join Jun and the twins in the living room and talk for a bit whilst Yuiko prepares dinner. The twins keep bombarding them with questions; asking them what Tokyo's like, why they haven't been allowed to come over yet, if Rei misses living in Iwatobi — there's so much that they can't possibly keep up.

Rei tells them that he does miss living here, but it's a white lie. He misses the time before everything went down the drain and he got kicked out on the street. He had a great childhood growing up here, and he's glad that living here eventually meant he got to attend Iwatobi, join the swim team and meet Makoto. But for the most part, he's looking forward to leaving Iwatobi behind for the most part, taking a step closer to getting over the 'loss' of his parents.

Dinner is served not too much later, and they're having an  _oden_ hotpot, which is something Rei hasn't had in a while; the closest to hotpot they'd had at the apartment was the dango-jiru they made when Makoto's parents came over. Hotpots take a lot of time, and for the most part, that's not something Rei and Makoto have when they're both very much busy with school and university studies during the day, and exhausted when they come back home when evening has fallen.

"Thank you so much for dinner, it was delicious. As always, your cooking is amazing, Yuiko-san."

She laughs and shakes her head. "Oh, you're too kind, Rei-kun. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was originally going to ask you two what you wanted to eat, but figured I'd save you the trouble and make something I know you both like."

Rei smiles a little and looks down at his hands in his lap. "That means a lot to me. Thank you."

"Can they open their presents now? Please, please!" comes Ren's voice, interrupting them, and making everyone look at the twins, who both suddenly look excited, their eyes almost glittering. Ran just nods enthusiastically while her brother pleads to their parents, and the two of them laugh.

"You're very impatient, aren't you? We've just about finished eating, Ren", Makoto scolds his brother gently, and Rei can't help but smile. Seeing Makoto in the big brother element like this makes him feel like his heart swells to double its size. He feels bad because Makoto doesn't get to see his siblings as often anymore, but it was originally a decision made on his boyfriend's part to move to Tokyo, anyway, so Rei knows it's not something  _he_ has to feel guilty for. They really should visit more often, Rei thinks, and makes a mental note to bring it up again with Makoto when they're back at home.

 

* * *

 

Soon enough, when the kotatsu table is empty, the big pot and bowls are replaced by several gifts. Rei stares at them in a mix of shock and disbelief; obviously the majority of them are for Makoto — he's their biological son, after all. He knows deep inside that he shouldn't jump to conclusions when it comes to Makoto's parents, however, and swallows his words. After some convincing, he'd gotten Makoto to open the first gift since his birthday came first, and Makoto picks up a dark blue box with thin golden ribbons tied around it, with a very elegant bow on top.

The living room goes silent as Makoto cuts off the ribbon and unwraps the paper. He looks around him and laughs. "You guys make it look like I'm holding a ticking bomb or something."

"What if it  _is_ a ticking bomb, onii-chan?!"

"Come on, there's no way Mum and Dad would give him a bomb, Ren", Ran says with a sigh. "Don't mind him, onii-chan."

Makoto shakes his head with a smile and opens the box he has on the table in front of him. When he reaches in, he takes out what looks like a toiletry bag. Rei is proven to be right when Makoto takes out shampoo, conditioner, body wash and other kinds of bathroom necessities. His next gift is a light grey sweater knitted in a fish-bone pattern, with four buttons just above the chest area.

"Oh wow, this looks so comfortable", Makoto says as he strokes it. "Thank you, Mum and Dad."

"Our pleasure", Jun replies. "I'm glad you like it; I know you've been running low on sweaters that still fit you."

"Yeah", Makoto says, laughing.

Two of the remaining three boxes are labelled _Rei_ , so that means it's his turn to open his gifts now. The last one isn't labelled with anything, and Jun and Yuiko tells them to save it for last. Rei still feels a little hesitant about this, the whole thing about Makoto's parents spending money on him. As much as they say he's family, there's always going to be the obvious evidence pointing to how he really  _isn't_. He both wants to, and doesn't want to, feel like he's a part of their family; it feel like he's indulging himself in something he hasn't quite earned for himself. At the same time, he can't help but want to indulge in it, because he's missing the warmth and love only a family can give. _  
_

His first gift is a small box that contains a wristwatch; a much fancier one than the one he currently has. The bracelet is made of silver, and it isn't too thin, but it's not too thick, either. The wristwatch he has now and has had for several years is a cheap one he bought at a flea market with his 'family' in a neighbouring town, and thinking about it makes him feel sick. Maybe getting a new wristwatch was a good thing, after all.

"Thank you so much, this is more than I could have ever asked for", he says, overwhelmed to put it lightly.

Yuiko seems to sense his conflicted feelings as she puts a hand on his arm and smiles. "I know we've told you this before, but I want you to remember that we really do see you as family... Rei. Please don't feel like you have to be reserved around us, or that you don't deserve what we give and offer you."

He looks up and meets her gaze, and sees a sincerity in her eyes that's hard to miss. It makes him feel a little weird inside, but it's a positive kind of weird. "Th—that means a lot to me. I'm... truly grateful, really", he says, and has to fight down the lump in his throat.

He continues to be baffled by the Tachibana parents' generosity when his next gift turns out to be a bath robe, a much fluffier one than the one has back at the apartment in Tokyo. Once again, he thanks both Jun and Yuiko profusely, and they just tell him it's their pleasure and that he's welcome with smiles on their faces. This might just be the best birthday celebration he's ever had, and his birthday isn't technically until twelve days from now.

At last, there's only one box left, and after having lost in rock-paper-scissors, Rei lets Makoto open it. After some fumbling about and unnecessary tension build-up by all of the Tachibana siblings, Makoto opens their gift and—

"What?" Makoto says as he looks into the box, and Rei leans over to do the same. What he sees at the bottom of the box is two train tickets, and then there's an envelope in there as well.

"Surprised, right? Open the envelope", Jun says, and for his usual stoic self, he seems awfully excited, and it kind of makes Rei excited as well. As Makoto's still in shock, Rei reaches in and takes out the envelope. When he opens it, he finds a check to Mandarin Oriental Hotel's spa in the Chuo prefecture. He looks up at his 'bonus parents' slowly, still not being able to grasp it.

"Are... are you sure about this? This must have cost you a fortune. I cannot possibly—"

"You can, and we want you to. Both of you. You deserve it; you've both done so well this past half year, and we're proud of you", Yuiko interrupts him. "We want to show you our appreciation of you two. About the spa check—"

"What, no fair! I wanna go to a spa with onii-chan and Rei nii-chan, too!" Ren complains, and Jun puts his hand up.

"Now, now — this is for Makoto and Rei. They need something for themselves sometimes, Ren."

"But—"

"No, Ren. We'll do something with you and Ran soon, I promise."

It doesn't take much to placate the youngest twin, thankfully, and Yuiko can continue to explain to them that the spa check is valid for an entire year, so they can choose whenever they want to go within that time frame. The train tickets are open tickets, so they don't have an expiry date, which means they pretty much have an entire year to decide when they want to go.

"Mum, Dad, this... is too much. You sound like we've done a  _lot_ this year, but really, we just moved."

"And you graduated high school. This is just a gift for all the good things you both have brought us in the past year. A way to say thank you to our two wonderful sons", Yuiko continues, and when she says 'sons', Rei feels the lump form in his throat again, but he stays quiet. This family really is all he's ever asked for, and while he feels like he isn't yet worthy of their love and warmth, he wants to make sure he earns it one day.

"That was quite a birthday celebration, huh."

"It was", Rei says with a happy sigh. He intertwines their fingers and nuzzles his nose against Makoto's bare chest, and Makoto drapes an arm around him.

"I'm glad this is going to be a tradition from now on. It was a really good day, and I'm glad we came back here."

"Me too." It makes Rei feel all fuzzy inside whenever Makoto says something that means he's planning on being with Rei for a long time, because that's all Rei wants. Ever since long before that one time he sent that text message to the wrong person, before he'd even told Nagisa how he felt for Makoto. Sometimes he still finds it hard to believe that they've come this far in less than a year, but he's inexplicably happy over this development. For once, he's gotten lucky, and it's a luck he hopes will stay with him for a long time.

 

* * *

 

They leave after breakfast the next morning, after Jun and Yuiko convince them to spend the Christmas-New Years weekend at their place, and after having said goodbye to the twins who can't stop complaining that they're not there often enough. They'll be back in less than two weeks, though, and they'll be spending an entire week there, which Makoto reminds them of and helps placate them.

After this weekend, which felt more like a dream to Rei, the two of them return to their regular school routine again. Rei and Nagisa continue their swim practices with the team at the swim club, they manage to squeeze in another hang-out session with Haruka and Nagisa on a Friday night, and Makoto has his last exam of the term. The end of the term isn't too merciless on Rei, as he manages to pass his subjects with flying colours and doesn't have to worry much about it over the break. Nagisa's hard work over the past year has paid off as well, as he, too, passed them all.

When the fourteenth rolls around, it's Makoto's turn to wake Rei up in bed with breakfast. It's an American style breakfast, with toast, scrambled eggs, sausages, bacon and sliced fruit. Rei doesn't have this kind of breakfast that often, so it's a nice change. And while Makoto apologises for not being able to cook anything advanced, Rei just smiles and says that this is perfect; he isn't really in the mood for a heavy breakfast, anyway.

"Are you sure? I promise I'll make it up to you", Makoto says, and Rei just shakes his head with a smile before he leans over to kiss his boyfriend.

"I'm sure. This is perfect. Thank you."

He wonders what Makoto has planned for him that day as Makoto's once again turned into that mysterious person who speaks in riddles and has this weird, very faint smirk on his face. It drives Rei nuts, and he wants so bad to know what the big deal is, but Makoto refuses to tell him.

It isn't until he opens the door as the doorbell's rung, and he stares up at a person he hasn't seen in years, but still recognises very well, as if they'd just seen each other last week. He swears he drops his jaw, and his eyes are probably abnormally wide at the strange sight. This can't be real, can it? Is this just a cruel birthday dream he's having, is he going to wake up and none of what's happened so far will have actually occurred?

"Nii-san...?" he asks hesitantly, and Ryuugazaki Kengo smiles at him before pulling him in for an embrace that almost has Rei lose the air in his lungs.

"Happy birthday, Rei."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (muffled screaming) There he is! Man, you have no idea how long I've been waiting to introduce Rei's brother to this story. Ever since I learnt that Rei had a brother, I just knew I had to write something in which he's not just mentioned, but an actual character in the story.
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	28. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Kengo talk about a lot of things, trying to reconcile and close the five-year gap between them, to become brothers once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is late (again), and I apologise. I've been super busy with finishing my first year at uni, moving out of my room in halls, coming back home to Sweden and seeing friends and family again. So, naturally, I haven't been able to write as much as I usually would've been, but here it is, finally.

Rei is glad he's being held right now, or he's sure he would pass out on the spot. His head is spinning, heart beating a million miles per hour and he feels like he's not quite  _there_ , like this is a dream, a cruel dream which he has to wake up from any second now, just to have this happiness stolen from him. If this is a dream, Rei sure has a wild imagination, because he hasn't seen his brother in years, and wouldn't possibly be able to just make up an image in his head of what his brother would look like today for it to appear in his dream like this.

So this is why Makoto's been so secretive and suspicious all this time. Rei always knew something was up, but never in a thousand years would he have guessed anything close to this; him finally getting to see his brother after all this time. The brother he's always looked up to, the one whose footsteps he had just started to follow in before he joined the swim team. He wonders if Kengo is disappointed that he didn't continue with gymnastics and track, but he doesn't quite know how to ask.

What's he supposed to say, after all this time? "Hey, nice to see you again." No, that sounds like he's mad. Is he? He doesn't know. His thoughts are jumbled, and he's pretty sure that whatever he tries to say is going to come out a garbled mess.

"I'll leave you two alone for a bit; I'm going to pick up Nagisa and Haru from the train station", comes Makoto's voice from Rei's side. Rei manages to utter a sound that's more like a weird hiss more than anything, but he assumes Makoto understands that it's his weak attempt at acknowledging Makoto's words. Soon enough, Makoto is out the door, closing it softly behind him, and the apartment goes silent. Kengo lets go, and puts his hands on Rei's shoulders.

"You've really grown up", he says with amazement in his voice. "Last time I saw you, you didn't even reach up to my chest. Now you're less than half a head shorter than myself... well, maybe it's to be expected. I've missed you, Rei."

 _If you have, then why didn't you come home sooner?_ he wants to ask, but doesn't. There are many questions in his head, but he doesn't have the heart to ask the majority of them because of how rude they will come off as, and that's the least he wants to be right now. Rude to the brother he hasn't seen in years, who's right here in front of him on his eighteenth birthday.

"I've missed you, too", he says instead, and he's not lying. Rei's only ever heard from Kengo over the phone and postcards or letters a few times in the past few years, but he hasn't seen him since he was thirteen. And obviously, five years changes a lot in people. Five years does a lot not only to people, but to their surroundings and situations. Obviously, a lot has changed for Rei in these past five years. One of the major things is the one they're currently in — both of them in Tokyo instead of Iwatobi where both he and Kengo grew up.

Right now, his brother lives in Sapporo, which is the capital of the northernmost island of Japan. Obviously, that's very far away — a nine hour flight pretty much all the way across the country — so he's surprised Kengo came all the way down here just for his birthday. At the same time, Rei wonders what took him so long, why he didn't come back home sooner. Why he'd abandoned his little brother for so long, only calling him or sending letters every once in a while.

"I hope it's not too big of a problem that I'm here", Kengo says, probably sensing Rei's apprehension. "I've— really been wanting to see you for so long. And I know that my explanation as to why it hasn't happened sooner won't be acceptable, and I can only beg for your forgiveness. I'm sorry, Rei."

He doesn't know what to say, so Rei just stares at his brother, dumbfounded. What  _should_ he say? He doesn't feel like he wants to forgive his brother so easily, not considering the fact that Kengo's been absent for some very important things that have happened to Rei in these past few years that they haven't seen each other in person. He missed Rei entering high school, becoming a part of the Iwatobi swim team, winning his first regional tournament, meeting and making some really good friends.

Kengo wasn't there when Rei got thrown out of his house and got disowned by his own parents, either; a time where it would have been crucial for Rei to have some support from the only family he still had left. Sure, Rei can't expect his brother to be there for him at all times, but there were times he wished his brother was around even for just a day or two. Just so he could feel like he actually  _had_ a brother. Sometimes, he even forgot he had a brother, and there were times it just came back to him, if he maybe saw a family photo or happened to dig out one of the postcards or letters his brother had sent one Christmas or birthday.

"I don't know", Rei finally says. "I... I'm glad to see you, I really am. But at the same time... where have you been? I know you live across the country, but I haven't seen you in five years."

His brother frowns. "You guys could have come visited me, too, you know — I never said you weren't allowed to."

"Do you think that I  _wouldn't_ have gone?" Rei bristles, surprising even himself as he loses his temper. "If I had the money, and if I had—  _their_ consent, I would have gone. I was just a child, and they didn't want to go up there because it's such a long flight, and we would have to spend money on hotels—"

"Alright, alright — I get it", Kengo says, putting up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "I'm at fault, I know; I should've... made more of an effort. It wasn't that I didn't want to see you, there were just a lot of things that happened. I studied, I got a job, I got married, we had a child... I have a family now. But it's not that easy to just take time off and take the ten hour flight down; we'd have to think about what to do with Akira if we were to stay at the house, too. But, like I said, I should've made more of an effort to make it happen, because I really did want to see you."

Rei has known for a while that he has a nephew, but he's never heard anything  _about_ him, seen him in pictures — nothing. It's almost as if his 'parents' didn't acknowledge him as their grandson, but why wouldn't they? At least they knew Kengo was the normal son, who was able to have kids and who didn't disappoint his parents. Kengo has briefly mentioned him in his letters, but for the most part, he just talked about himself and asked Rei about how his life was going.

"Listen, Rei", Kengo almost whispers and takes him into his embrace again, "I'm really sorry. I've been the worst brother to you, and I want to make it up to you. I'm just sorry that this is five years late. It's not me avoiding you, or me not loving you as my brother, it's just me being selfish, busy and—"

"Nii-san... it's okay", Rei says with a sigh. He doesn't want to be angry anymore, he just wants to enjoy his birthday with his brother here for once, for them all to have a nice day that he'll be able to look back at with a smile instead of with a bitter after-taste in his mouth. "Let's just start over. We're both older now, and maybe we'll be able to keep in contact better than before. At least I hope so."

Kengo's eyebrows shoot up, and he blinks in surprise before he laughs. "You really have grown up, haven't you? I'm glad you're willing to do that — it's all I could ever ask for. I'm actually staying in Tokyo for a week, I booked a hotel so I could see you and spend some time with you. I hope that's okay."

While Rei feels a little hesitant, he knows that his brother is trying. He's trying to patch up their relationship and make it possible for them to be brothers again despite the geographical distance between them, and Rei really only has two options; accept the offer or deny it. And all he wants is to have his brother back in his life, so there's not much to consider.

"Of course it is. I'm glad you're here, and I look forward to spending time with you."

 

* * *

 

After he's finally let his brother come inside properly, Rei and Kengo sit down by the kotatsu in the living room. He's glad, he really is, but he can't help but feel a little bit awkward about the whole thing, too. Obviously Kengo has to know a lot, since he's here and since he and Makoto just said hello to each other casually when Rei opened the door. There are different questions forming in his head now, and even if some of them might be difficult to ask, he knows he has to. He decides to go light first.

"How did all this happen? I mean... did Makoto contact you?"

Kengo shakes his head. "I actually contacted him. Well, no — I contacted your friend Nagisa first. It's a bit of a long way of going about it, but... I first called our parents."

Rei flinches at the mention of them, and the fact that Kengo refers to them as  _their_ parents. Whenever he's thought about them in the past three months, Rei hasn't associated them with the term 'parents', but just as people who used to be in his life but later chose to literally kick him out. It's easier to deal with it that way, and not thinking that they're technically his parents and that they just don't want to acknowledge themselves as that.

"Y-you did?"

"Yeah." Kengo's tone turns a little softer, and Rei assumes he knows the gist of what's happened. Even so, he doesn't expect them  _not_  to talk about it, so he prepares himself for the inevitable emotional pain he'll have to endure. "They initially didn't want to say anything, but after I'd argued with them a bit, Dad gave me the details about your school and such. I found out that you were a member of the swim team, and from there on, it was quite easy, as I could just look it up on your school's website. I contacted Nagisa, and I asked him if he was the one closest to you that I could try and sort this surprise out with, but he suggested I'd talk to Makoto instead."

This is where he almost expects his brother to express his disappointment in Rei being homosexual, ask why he moved away from Iwatobi, why he so easily let his parents kick him out—

"I'm so sorry about what happened, Rei."

He looks up and meets his brother's gaze, and he sees sorrow in the other's eyes. A weird feeling forms like a ball in the pit of Rei's stomach, and he swallows hard. "Don't be."

"But I _am_. I wish I would've been there to talk some sense into them, this isn't right. You're their  _son_ , for god's sake—"

"No, I'm not", Rei corrects him, and Kengo stares at him like he's lost his mind. He probably has, a long time ago, but he prefers things the way they are now, with him presumably having lost his mind. Things are obviously better this way, and he wouldn't change it for the world. "I'm not going to call myself the son of two people who won't accept me for who I am. I'm not going to call those two my parents, because their love for me wasn't unconditional. Isn't that what it's supposed to be with family?"

Maybe his definition of family is wrong, after all. He's been questioning it ever since he got thrown out and disowned, even when Makoto's parents told him he was part of their family now, and he wonders if he'll ever find out what family actually is.

"It... it is", Kengo admits with a sigh. "I told them I don't support their decision, and that they should contact you and just say they're sorry."

"I don't want them to. First of all, it wouldn't be sincere if you were the one to tell them to do so, and second... I don't want to be their son. I don't want anything to do with them. It's bad enough that I have to receive money from them every month and be reminded by the fact that they still exist. Please don't talk to them about me again. I know that maybe it's difficult for you to accept, but imagine what it was like for me. I just want to go on with my life, nii-san. I can't deal with having to think about them all the time."

Kengo chews on his lower lip with a concerned frown, and Rei wonders if he'll ever let go of it, if he'll just continue to insist that it's for the best that Rei gets along with them again and that they just start over. It's different with Kengo, and Rei has already decided he's going to try and repair his relationship with his brother, but those so-called parents of his are a completely different story.

"Okay. I won't talk about them, and I won't talk  _to_ them about you. I'm sorry this had to happen, and I truly despise them for having the heart to do this to you because you weren't the way they wanted you to be."

"Do you think it's wrong of me to be like this, too?"

He can't stop himself; he just has to ask. If he and his brother are going to try and be 'true' brothers again, they have to get this out of the way first. Of course, if Kengo doesn't approve of who Rei is, they can't try and repair what they have. But why else would he be here? Why didn't he glare at Makoto when he opened the door?

"Of course I don't, Rei. I'm glad you've found someone you hold dear, and from what I've heard and seen, Makoto seems like a good guy and like he treats you well. I don't have any complaints, and it doesn't matter to me whether you're dating a woman or a man. I just want you to be happy, and it seems like you are. So no, I don't think it's wrong. I'm glad for you."

He almost wants to ask if Kengo might be adopted, because his opinions on the matter are worlds apart from those who threw him out for being who he is. Rei's tightened fists unclench, and he exhales slowly, letting some of the tension dissipate and lowering his shields. There are still some things that make him a bit wary, mostly the fact that he knows that the both of them still  _are_  related to those two, and that they obviously still have the same surname.

Knowing that he at least still has his brother's support is a relief, and Rei feels like he's finally able to relax. His eighteenth birthday might not turn out too bad, after all.

 

* * *

 

Makoto comes back not too long after with both Nagisa and Haruka in tow. Kengo gets up to greet Nagisa and Haruka, and then they all sit down to join Rei. The two newcomers to the party have both brought bags, and Rei doesn't even have to guess what's in them, but he tries to not act too excited about it.

"So, how did you like your birthday surprise, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asks, his face almost radiating with his wide smile.

"I couldn't be happier. Thank you so much for making this happen."

It still feels surreal, even after he's sat and talked to his brother for a while, but for them all to be here now, for Kengo to have met Rei's friends and even his boyfriend, feels like something that would only happen in a very happy dream of his. He knows it'll be sad whenever Kengo has to go back home again, but hopefully they'll be able to keep in contact better this time around. Otherwise, he'll just have to make sure that they do — things are definitely different now, and at least this time, Rei can go visit his brother if he so wants to, without having someone to make these decisions for him.

They proceed with Rei opening his gifts — he feels like he's gotten to do this a lot recently, but it's just because it was Makoto's birthday not too long ago, and he wasn't actually the one to do the gift-opening — and he receives a pair of in-ear headphones from Haruka and a pair of black wool slippers from Nagisa, almost making his winter clothing arsenal complete.

Makoto's gift of a book and a very comfortable sweater is one Rei is very quick to love, despite Makoto telling him several times how sorry he is that it's not a unique gift like the one he'd received himself from Rei on his birthday, but Rei tells him that he very much appreciates it — he's been in need of both of these things, especially a new book to read before he goes to sleep.

Last but not least, it's Kengo's turn to give his gift. Rei almost feels like it's unnecessary for his brother to give him something since him just being there is a birthday gift far too good to be true anyway, but he decides to accept the gift nevertheless.

"I think you'll get kind of a déjà vu feeling from this one", Kengo says, and it only adds onto Rei's puzzlement. He unwraps the gift to find a rather thick book inside, but realises upon closer inspection that it's a photo album. A knot forms in the pit of his stomach as he slowly opens it, expecting it to have pictures of all four of them in there.

Thankfully, Rei only finds pictures of himself and his brother; pictures from when Rei was just a few years old up until not long before Kengo moved to Sapporo. There are pictures of them wearing matching outfits, building a sand castle at the beach, celebrating birthdays, Tanabata or Christmas... Rei finds himself smiling fondly as he goes through the pages, seeing pictures of him and his brother during their childhood. It hurts a little to know that Kengo hadn't included pictures with their parents, but in a way, he's glad for it, too.

"Nii-san, this is... this is too much. I'm really grateful for this", he says, not really knowing what other words would fit or describe his feelings.

"Did you get the déjà-vu thing?" Kengo asks with a smile.

It takes Rei a second to connect the dots, but when he does, it's the most obvious thing ever, and a blush colours his cheeks as the realisation hits him. "Did Makoto tell you what I gave him?"

"He did. That was clever of you. It's a little odd that we got you similar gifts, isn't it?"

"Yes... it is", Rei says, still a little baffled. He slowly closes the book, his fingers running along the message written on it; ' _To my dear brother, a collection of memories of our time together, hopefully a collection that will still continue to expand from here on out as our bond only grows stronger. Love, Kengo._ '

Being reminded that his brother at least still loves him makes Rei feel a little odd but also warm inside. Despite him having initially been upset that his brother chose to show up now and not sooner, he's now only filled with gratitude and happiness that they're able to spend this day together. It really is the best birthday gift one could receive, and this is a day Rei is sure he'll never forget.

When it's gotten pitch black outside and it's just before midnight, Rei's and Makoto's guests have to leave before they miss the last train. Rei feels a little sad to see his brother having to go so soon, but he knows they'll at least see each other one more time before Kengo has to go back home, which makes him feel a little better about it.

 

* * *

 

 

"Thank you so much for everything. For coming and for the gifts", Rei says as he hugs Haruka goodbye. The other just shakes his head and mumbles a "it was nothing, thank you for having me over" into the fabric of his shirt before they let go. Kengo is next up, and as they hug, he promises to give Rei a call the next day so they can arrange for a date, time and place to meet before he goes back home.

"See you on Monday, Rei-chan", Nagisa says cheerfully and bring him into a tight embrace.

Rei smiles and returns the hug. "Thank you for everything, Nagisa-kun. I owe you a lot after this."

Nagisa squirms a little and lets out an embarrassed groan. "Don't say that! You've already done a lot for both me and everyone else. Just see this as one of my ways of repaying you."

He doesn't feel like he's done anything that would even remotely amount to what Nagisa has done for him since they first met, but Rei doesn't want to argue further on something that isn't worth arguing about. So he just accepts it and is once again reminded of how amazing his friends are, and how he wouldn't have met them had it not been for Nagisa in the first place.

With all of them gone and the apartment having gone quiet again, Rei locks the door behind him and lets out a long sigh. Makoto comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist. "Did you enjoy your birthday?"

Rei turns his head to kiss his boyfriend on the cheek. "I did. Thank you so much for helping to make this happen... I'm still in slight disbelief that I just met my brother again."

Makoto laughs and leans his chin on Rei's shoulder. "Yeah, I can see why. I'm glad this happened, too, and that I got to meet him. He seems like a really nice guy. I have to admit, I was a little nervous on how he'd take... this whole thing with you and me. But I'm glad he took it so well."

 _I'm glad he isn't like them_ , Rei thinks to himself. Honestly, he'd been more than just a little afraid of that, too, and obviously relieved when he learnt his brother didn't actually have a problem with him dating a guy. He's been under a lot of stress regarding this issue, but it's slowly started to go away, and with this thing out of the way, it's taken a big chunk of stress off of him as well.

"I am, too. I'm relieved to see he's still the way I remember him."

After having taken a long bath that also included things not entirely related to bathing, Rei and Makoto get ready to go to bed. It's been a long, eventful day, and Rei is sure he'll be having wonderful dreams tonight. Thinking back on the day makes him still question whether or not it had actually  _happened_ , but the photo album now resting on his nightstand clearly attests to the fact that it did. He looks at it and smiles without thinking about it, and feels a hand over his.

He turns his head and meets Makoto's gaze. "Sorry, did you say something?"

Makoto smiles at him and shakes his head. "No, don't worry. I'm just glad you enjoyed your birthday; it's all I really wanted out of it. You made mine special, and I wanted to repay the favour."

"In spades, it seems", Rei says and leans agains his boyfriend. Makoto laughs and wraps an arm around him, bringing him close. He kisses Rei on the top of his head and sighs.

"To think this year is about to end, huh. I'm glad I got to spend the majority of it like this with you, it's been the best time of my life."

A furious blush exploding in his cheeks, Rei hides his face against Makoto's shoulder and lets out an embarrassed sound. "You know I feel the same way. I love you."

"I love you, too, Rei."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	29. Struggle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto continues battling his demons.

_Makoto_.

 

His heartbeat's pounding loudly in his ears, and even though he's trying his best to lubricate his dry throat with frequent swallowing, it doesn't work, and leaves him with a throat that feels like sandpaper. The floor tiles are cold against the undersides of Makoto's feet as they walk into the pool area, Haru in front despite not actually having been here before. It comforts Makoto, though, making him feel safer than he would have if he'd been walking first, even if Haru's behind him.

"Are you okay?" Haru asks, and his voice echoes through the room, bounces on the walls and ebbs out. Makoto plasters a smile onto his face even though Haru isn't looking at him; it'll be evident in his voice that he  _isn't_  okay if he isn't smiling whilst saying he is.

"I'm fine."

Haru had asked the same thing earlier in the locker room, and the reply had been the same, too. Makoto knows Haru can see straight through him, but since his best friend rarely ever calls him out on his blatant lies, he thinks for some reason that it's okay to continue doing it. Because saying the truth out loud isn't an option; god forbid he'd actually trouble people with his weird fears and other weaknesses he's long since given up on trying to get over. Thankfully, Rei at least accepts him for them and puts up with him being the way he is. Makoto doesn't know what he'd do if that  _wasn't_  the case.

The two of them walk into the pool area, and just the sight of the giant swimming pool in front of him makes Makoto want to run away. He'd been the one insisting to do this after his therapist had told him to start out slow. He was tired of being a weakling, he wanted to get this over with, and if anyone would be able to help him do so, it would be Haru.

"I'll get in before you so you'll know it's okay. You know I can swim."

"Of course I do, Haru", he says and smiles again. He knows Haru's just being extra cautious and wanting to take it as slowly as possible, and in a way he's grateful for it since he's afraid he'd completely break if they took things too fast — but at the same time, he just wants to get this over with. Partly because just being by the pool frightens him right now.

He takes deep breaths to try and regulate his erratic breathing, and for the moment, it seems to work. Haru gets into the pool by using the stepladder instead of diving in like he usually does. Makoto figures it's one of the things he's doing to prove to Makoto that he'll be fine, doing things that aren't too extreme even if they are part of who Haru is when it comes to being in the water.

"Alright, I'm in. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah."

"Promise to tell me when it's too much."

Makoto grabs the handrail with something that almost resembles a death grip, and he slowly makes his way into the pool. It's weird how taking a bath in his tub at home doesn't cause him this much distress, but the pool in which he used to swim every day back in high school makes him freak out. He doesn't even want to imagine how he'd feel if he were to do this in the ocean — if he even made it into the water, that is.

The water is cold around his ankles when he slowly tries climbing in, and he flinches. Haru is quickly by his side, standing next to the stepladder. "What's wrong?"

"Water's just cold, I'm okay", Makoto replies and continues climbing down into the pool. Why does it have to be so difficult all of a sudden? He used to be fine with it even during high school, but after the party accident and his recurring nightmares since having moved to Tokyo, suddenly just getting into a pool takes far more energy and courage than it normally should.

He's thankful that the swim teams aren't using the pool today, so that they can be there after school without it having to be  _too_  late in the evening. As if Makoto doesn't already feel bad for dragging Haru all the way over here after school when he could be at home resting or studying instead. Even though Haru still keeps telling him it's okay and that he really wants to be here with Makoto right now, Makoto still can't help but feel guilty for robbing Haru of his precious free time.

Makoto tries walking in the pool, and so far, it doesn't seem too bad. Haru keeps a watchful eye on him as he cautiously makes his way out into the pool, probably anticipating a possible breakdown from Makoto's side. He doesn't want to say that he's going to be fine just yet, since he's just been in for less than a minute.

"This feels dumb", he says, his voice trembling and betraying his annoyed façade. "I'm not a kid, I can swim."

"I know", Haru replies, and thankfully he leaves it there. Makoto's glad that his best friend always knows when to continue speaking and when to leave things as they are. Makoto knows he has to do this, no matter how stupid he finds it, because it's a step in the direction of improvement and maybe even getting over whatever this is.

Taking a deep breath, Makoto bends forward slightly, stretches his arms out in front of him and tries to swim breaststroke. Soon enough, Haru's swimming next to him as well, and they take it slow, going from one side to the other in the pool. He's embarrassed, no, _humiliated_  — and as bad as it even sounds in his head, he's glad that Rei isn't the one here with him, but someone who's known him his entire life and seen him at his worst several times. He knows he'll eventually have to show these fragile and not so beautiful sides to Rei, too, but right now, he's too mortified to do so.

Makoto keeps taking deep breaths as he swims. It doesn't feel like it used to; he feels like it takes more energy for him to extend his arms out in front of him and take the long strokes he's so used to. He wonders how he'd feel about trying out his speciality, the backstroke, but figures that it might still be too soon to try. Even so, he figures that maybe not having to actually  _see_ the pool might help.

He puts his feet down onto the floor and stops, Haruka following suit not long after. "Makoto?"

"I want to try swimming backstroke", Makoto says, and Haru's eyes widen.

"Are you sure? I think you should—"

"I know I should take it slow", Makoto cuts his friend off, unconsciously being too harsh and immediately regretting it, "but... I want to try."

Haru nods slowly, a concerned frown just barely visible on his facial features. Makoto makes his way over to the start blocks, grabs onto the handrail and positions himself, back turned against the pool. He hoists himself up a little, placing his feet against the edge and prepares to kick off. When he sucks in a deep breath, a flash of vivid images appear in front of his eyes; he sees Rei flailing his arms about in the ocean, he sees Ryuuji floating on the surface of that pool behind Satomi's apartment complex, he sees the sailors and fishermen marching in front of him and Haru by the ocean in Iwatobi.

"Makoto? Makoto, what's wrong?"

Haru's voice brings him back to reality, and Makoto finds himself trembling, holding onto the handrail so hard that his knuckles are turning white. This was a dumb idea, and Makoto knew it even before he decided to do this. Even so, he just  _had_ to be stubborn and push his limits. He hasn't even tried swimming backstroke yet, but it doesn't seem like he'll be able to, anyway. He feels so pathetic, so weak, so useless.

"I can't— I can't— do this", he wheezes between deep, uneven breaths. Haru places his hands over Makoto's and takes his hands off the handrails before he helps Makoto out of the pool. He lays Makoto down onto his lap as he sits on the cold, hard tile floor, and Makoto's breathing has gone through the roof again. Despite Haru calmingly running his fingers through Makoto's hair, it doesn't do much to calm him down.

He should've listened to Haru, but he didn't. He should've done and  _not_ done so many things, but he always ends up going against them. Makoto really only has himself to blame for this, since everyone around him always have to be his voice of reason.

 

* * *

 

He comes back home just past six, smelling dinner in the entire apartment. His stomach grumbles, and he lets out a pained groan. He hasn't had much to eat today, so knowing dinner is just about to be served makes him relieved that he'll be able to shut his stomach up soon.

"I'm home", he says as he closes the door behind him and begins to take his coat off. Rei appears in the hallway within seconds and is by his side to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Welcome home. How was your day?"

"It was fine, not— not a whole lot happened", Makoto says, and inwardly cringes at his terrible lie. "What about you?"

"Oh, it was okay. I got an eighty-nine on my history assignment."

Makoto's eyes widen and his eyebrows skyrocket. "Wow, really? That's amazing! Congrats, Rei. I'm proud of you."

Rei frowns a little and looks down at his feet. "Thank you. Come in, dinner's ready any second now."

The brunet does as he's told and goes inside to help set the table for dinner, and soon enough, they're both sitting down with their legs under the warm kotatsu. Rei begins talking about his day, and Makoto tries to concentrate, but as hard as he tries, he's not able to. And of course, Rei is quick to notice.

"Makoto... are you okay? Did something happen?"

He puts down his chopsticks and lets out a sigh. "I went to the pool with Haru today."

Rei visibly tenses up, and he sits up straight. "I see. How... did it go?"

Makoto's fully aware that he can't lie his way out of it and say that it went fine. Rei has gotten scarily good at reading him in the past few months, so there's no point in trying. The whole idea of burdening his boyfriend with his problems is something he still has to get used to, because Rei has told him countless times that he isn't burdening him, and that he doesn't want for the two of them to have secrets. Of course, you can't tell each other  _everything_ , but Makoto's fairly certain that this is one of those things you have to talk about and let the other know what's going on.

"I kind of... pushed myself. I wanted to try and swim backstroke, but I couldn't even kick off, because I got so scared. Not being able to see the water, seeing what's happening in the pool... it scared me. I used to think only just being in water where you can't see anything was scary, but swimming on my back is even worse. I thought it would be better if I _didn't_ see the pool, but I was wrong."

The dark-blue haired boy nods, a small crease appearing between his eyebrows. "You told me earlier not a lot happened today. Were you planning on not telling me about this?"

Makoto winces. There it is; Rei remembering small, almost unnoticeable comments and details that other people tend to look past. Honestly, he doesn't even know why he tried to hide it in the first place, maybe it's his old defence mechanisms still kicking in during moments like those, even when it comes to people like Rei.

"I'm sorry. It's not that I'm trying to hide things from you on purpose, I just—"

"—didn't want to burden me. Right?"

As usual, he's correct. "Yeah. Are you angry with me?"

Rei shakes his head and sighs. "No, I'm not angry. I just want you to tell me these things without thinking you'll bother me, because you won't. I want to know these things, even if you feel ashamed or don't want to inconvenience me. You couldn't do that even if you tried", he finishes with a smile that makes Makoto's heart flutter in his chest.

He leans over the table and kisses Rei, mirroring his smile in doing so. "I'll try and do that from now on, I promise. And thank you for being so understanding."

"Of course, you know I'm here for you."

 

* * *

 

He's here again. In that corridor with carpeted floors, large landscape paintings hanging on the walls and a smell of old wooden furniture. A place that reminds him of how much of a failure he is, of how little he's progressed in all these years. Makoto clenches his fists at his sides as he walks along said corridor until he reaches his destination, a door labelled " _Sawakiguchi Kyouko_ ".

Makoto knocks on the door, and soon enough, it opens to reveal a rather short — or maybe it's just because he's tall? — woman with shoulder-length hair, dressed elegantly in a black suit jacket and trousers. Despite her strict looks, Makoto's found her to be rather casual in conversation, which as definitely made it easier to come here every now and then. Not that it's  _easy_ , it's just a lot more stress-free, knowing your therapist isn't actually terrifying to talk to. **  
**

"Hello, Makoto-kun. I'm glad you could come in today. Please, take a seat."

Her voice is gentle, but Makoto is everything but pleased to sit down in the armchair across from his new therapist. He knows he  _has_ to do it since he still obviously has problems, but going there just reminds him of the fact, and that he still, after all these years, can't act like a normal person would when faced with a water-related danger. Normal people would immediately jump in and try to help. What does Makoto do? He freezes in place and is unable to do anything but stand there and watch.

What if Rei would've been in the pool that time? Makoto doesn't want to think about it, but the thought enters his mind every now and then. It would almost be like it was back during their training camp in his second year. Rei had only just joined their team, and that was his first impression of it. That was his first impression of his captain, of the guy who would soon also become his boyfriend. What boyfriend wouldn't be able to save his most precious person from drowning when all he does is swim?

"I'm glad, too", Makoto lies. Ms Sawakiguchi smiles warmly at him and puts a pad down in her lap before putting on a pair of reading glasses. Makoto wants to look at the pad's written contents, but at the same time, he knows it's just a file on him and nothing he doesn't already know.

"We can take as much time as we want today, so don't feel like you have to stress through today's session. Okay?"

"... Alright."

Ms Sawakiguchi nods once. "So, Makoto-kun... have your nightmares continued?"

He looks down at his hands. "Yeah. For the most part, Rei wakes up with me and calms me down afterwards, though."

In the beginning, he'd been hesitant on talking about his relationship with Rei, being scared that she might judge him and that their therapy sessions would become strained afterwards. After his tongue had slipped once when talking to Ms Sawakiguchi, he'd feared that this would be the moment where the tone and atmosphere between them changed, but he'd been pleasantly surprised as she didn't seem to mind it at all.

"I see, I'm glad. Are you talking to him whenever you experience these nightmares?"

Makoto shakes his head, ashamed. He wants to, because he doesn't want Rei to think that he doesn't trust him. But at the same time, he obviously doesn't want to tell Rei about these things because they might be bothering him, and because he'd be a burden in doing so. And that's the very last thing he wants, to give Rei even more troubles and worries than he already has to deal with at the moment.

"I haven't, because I don't want to bother him", he admits, and Ms Sawakiguchi nods.

"I see. I think you should, even if you think you'd be bothering him. Which, by the way, I don't think you would. I'm sure he'd tell you that. Am I right?"

He can't help but smile a little. "Yeah."

"Just try and tell him; I'm sure he'll be more than glad to listen and try to help you. Even if it's difficult, it's important in a relationship to have all cards out on the table and be honest with each other, even if it's issues like these that you have to bring up. Have you had anything else happen that might be out of the ordinary?"

Makoto thinks back to the few times he's been having trouble breathing, a heavy feeling on his chest almost as if someone sat on top of him. The times where he hasn't been able to do anything but lie in bed and listen to his thoughts that are anything but positive, his entire body shaking and sweating. After a while, it all seems to just quiet down for some reason, the only thing left in its wake being a both mental and physical exhaustion. He recounts these experiences, and his therapist listens whilst scribbling something down something on her notepad every now and then, not interrupting him.

When he's done talking, she puts down her pen. "It sounds to me like what you are experiencing are panic attacks. You are basically locked within your own body, unable to do anything but endure it, basically. Panic attacks are usually marked by trembling or shaking, people tend to feel dizzy, confused or nauseous, and like you, they often experience trouble with breathing. These are most likely a consequence from post traumatic stress disorder."

He leans back against the armchair and takes in all the information he's just been told. Great, on top of everything already bothering him, now he has panic attacks? He hopes that this is where it stops and that it doesn't get worse from here on out, but he knows that with his luck, he can never be sure. And as long as he's still having trouble with just being near large bodies of water, these panic attacks and nightmares won't cease to haunt him.

"So... that's what I have? Post traumatic... stress disorder?" He feels like his brain is starting to overwork itself as a headache is slowly creeping up on him.

"Yes, that seems highly likely", Ms Sawakiguchi confirms, and Makoto's stomach drops. Having an entire list of things wrong with him is doing wonders for his self-esteem. Why does Rei want to be with someone who has all of these problems? Someone who isn't as perfect of a person as Rei deserves?

"What can I do about it?" he asks, almost helplessly. He feels like he's almost prepared to do anything at this point; he's tired of having to go through all this and just wants to live a normal life without these interruptions several times a week. Maybe he should just consider himself lucky that it doesn't happen every day, but it still happens so often that he finds himself dreading going to sleep because of the high possibility of nightmares that'll occupy his thoughts for the majority of the coming day.

She ponders for a bit before answering, and Makoto wonders if that's a bad sign. "I can prescribe some pills for you to try and make it easier to get through your attacks. I don't know if I want to give you pills to prevent them just yet, because sometimes, those antidepressants can actually _cause_ panic or anxiety attacks — it's different for each person. I think we should start out slow, so I'll prescribe some Xanax for you to begin with. If this continues, however, tell me and we'll see what we can do from there. Does that sound okay?" _  
_

Which means, along with his regular therapy, he's going to be popping pills? Makoto is far from happy about it, because it serves as yet another reminder that he's weak, broken and in need of help from others around him. He doesn't want to continue letting people help him, because he feels indebted to them and he hates bothering people. And even though he wants to try just about anything to free him from this hell, pills wasn't even on his list.

But if this is an option that might actually work for him, he knows he'll have to take it. So Makoto plasters his signature smile onto his face, inhales and lies, like he does oh so often in these situations.

"Of course, that sounds like a good idea."

 

* * *

 

The following Tuesday, Makoto has a study session after his last seminar of the day with Youhei, Touka and Miyuki. The very last thing they have to do before they can go on Christmas break is a take-home exam in physical activity and health, and they've started debunking a few of the questions already to try and have it done as soon as possible. Everyone's very eager to be done and go home for the holidays, and Makoto is definitely one of them. As much as he likes Tokyo, he's looking forward to spending the end of the year with his family and friends back in Iwatobi together with Rei. Rin's coming back from Australia as well, which he's also very excited about since he hasn't seen his friend since they graduated.

"You know, I'm gonna be completely honest", Youhei says and leans back in his chair to stretch his arms, "I haven't got the slightest clue as to what this module is about, and I've been studying it for nearly three months now."

"Maybe if you stopped texting people during class, you'd actually learn something", Miyuki bites back, and Touka snorts.

"It's difficult, but it's interesting", Makoto says. Miyuki groans and leans her head against her arms resting on the table.

"You say that about every module we have."

"Maybe because he  _likes_ studying this stuff", Touka points out. "Not that I don't, because I do. Maybe you guys just aren't cut out for it, the way you're complaining."

The other three immediately start bickering, and Makoto just smiles, half-listening to them whilst cleaning up some of the notes he's made on the side of his sheet. Out of the fifteen questions on the exam, he's answered six so far and just about made it through one third of it. And even though he does find it interesting and likes his modules, Makoto shares the sentiments of his friends and just wants it all to be over with so he can go back home and relax for nearly two weeks.

When the library starts getting empty around six, the group decides to call it a night and disband. Once again, Makoto's had to leave cooking to Rei, and he promises to make it up to his boyfriend during the weekend and take him out to eat or something. The two of them haven't really been doing anything like that lately, anyway, since whenever they've done something out of the ordinary lately, it's been with family or friends. Christmas and New Years are two holidays that are going to be spent the same way, and they haven't really gotten a whole lot of time just for the two of them, anyway, so it fits pretty well. It's just a few days before they have to go back to Iwatobi, but Makoto figures it'll be fine.

Makoto returns to an apartment where he immediately hears voices upon entering. He quickly registers the otherwise unknown voice as Kengo's, and he smiles a little to himself.

"I'm home", he says as usual when walking inside and taking off his boots. And as usual, Rei is quickly by his side and kisses him on the cheek.

"Welcome home. How was your day?"

"It was good. I ended up staying a little later at the library than I planned... sorry."

Rei smiles. "It's okay. I hope you don't mind nii-san staying over for dinner?"

As he mentions his brother, Kengo appears in the hallway and waves at Makoto. "Hi, Makoto. Sorry for intruding."

"Oh", Makoto says, and his eyebrows rise in surprise as he smiles at their guest. "I don't. Hi, Kengo-san. I'm glad to have you over."

The two of them sit down by the kotatsu after Makoto's taken his coat off while Rei returns to the kitchen. He's still a little reserved and nervous around Rei's brother, but it's probably only because Makoto doesn't know Kengo that well yet. He knows that the older brother seems to be a lot more open-minded than his parents, though, which has taken a lot of stress off of Makoto's mind.

Soon enough, the table is set and they're all having dinner whilst having an enjoyable conversation. The brothers are still bonding, talking about some of their childhood memories and Makoto just listens, sometimes bringing something of his own to the conversation. He's really glad that this has become reality for Rei, to meet and hang out with his brother again after all these years. He hopes that this won't be a temporary thing and that they'll stay in contact regularly from now on, and he knows at least Rei's going to try and stick to it.

Seeing the Ryuugazaki brothers like this makes Makoto miss his own siblings. He doesn't see them that often anymore except for in the occasional Skype video call, but it's not nearly enough. He'll be able to see them soon, though, and as a New Years resolution, Makoto's promising himself to try and visit them and his parents more often, especially during weekends when he actually has time to do so.

"Thank you so much for having me over. I don't know if I'll see you before I go back home, but if I don't, it was very nice to meet you, Makoto."

Kengo stretches out a hand, and Makoto takes it, a little baffled. They're standing in the hallway after having had tea, and way past the time it had started getting dark outside. Apparently the brothers are supposed to meet the next day when Rei has come back after school, and Makoto tells them he would politely sit out and just let the two brothers have some quality time for themselves, as they technically haven't had any of it since Kengo came to Tokyo.

"It was very nice to meet you, too, Kengo-san", Makoto replies and smiles widely. "I'm really glad I got to meet Rei's brother, and it makes me glad to know that you... er, accept us. I promise I'll do my best as to not let Rei down or make him sad."

The older brother shakes his head and returns the smile. "Don't worry, I don't think you would do that on purpose; I know you'll take good care of him. As long as Rei is happy, I am, too."

Makoto doesn't often feel like he's good enough to make Rei happy and give him what he deserves, but after having met and talked to Kengo, he's determined that he's going to do his best to deserve that place, to deserve to stand next to Rei and call himself Rei's boyfriend. He still has a long way to go when it comes to dealing with his own problems, but he feels like as long as Rei is there to support him, there's nothing that tells him he won't be able to make it through.

The end of the year is almost upon them, and while a lot of things have happened that Makoto's happy he's gotten to experience, he's also eager for the new year to start, for them to truly get a new start on their life. He wants to make sure that the coming year is a lot easier on the both of them, but considering the extreme things that happened, Makoto thinks it might not be  _that_ difficult.

One can only hope, but Makoto stays cautiously optimistic for what the future has to offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	30. Cold as ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei is revisited by his not too distant past. This time around, he's got a lot more courage.

The ice on the ground covered up by a thin layer of snow keeps Rei in a bad mood pretty much all Monday, as he keeps slipping around whenever he's walking outside. The boots on his feet helps to keep them warm, but they apparently don't have a very good grip. He just wishes for it all to melt, for Japan to forget all about snow and for it to be spring already.

Gou has altered their training regimen again, making it tougher and making swim exercise last longer, as approved by coach Sasabe. Rei feels like they're improving a lot, though, so it's not too bad. The more Rei practices the front crawl and the breast- and backstrokes, he feels like he's getting better, and it's proven further by his lap times.

Since Rei's swim practice ends later nowadays, and Makoto tends to stay at the library or at Haruka's apartment to study, both of them tend to come back to the apartment pretty late and just prepare simple dinners instead of the more involved ones they try to make in order to have lunch for the next day. It's not the best and cheapest solution, for sure, but thankfully it won't last very long as Christmas break is just around the corner and they'll both have different timetables starting next year, which'll hopefully be easier on them, at least financially.

"I'm tired, can we take a break soon? I feel like my brain's going to overheat or something."

Rei shakes his head. "Fine, let's take a little break. I guess we  _have_ been studying for quite a while now. But don't fall asleep on me again!"

Nagisa grins and lies down, sprawling out his limbs across the floor. "I won't, I promise. Man, I can't wait for Christmas break, this semester's been so tough on us. Especially with Gou-chan's and coach Sasabe's monster training. Those two are a deadly combo, Rei-chan."

This time, Rei can't help but laugh. "It's helping, though, wouldn't you agree?"

The blond boy pouts and folds his hands under his head. "I suppose so. Okay, but really... I owe a lot to Gou-chan. I'm glad she's managing our team. We make a good trio!"

And Rei can only agree; although the way the three of them met in the beginning is a little interesting, they do make a good combination. It's going to feel weird whenever they have to go their separate ways after graduation, but Rei knows it probably won't be too difficult for them to stay in contact despite their possible distances. Rei still doesn't even know what he wants to do after graduation, but it's becoming increasingly obvious to him that he needs a break from studying, and the educational environment in general.

His telephone vibrating in his pocket takes Rei out of his thoughts, and he answers the phone call, a little surprised. "Hello?"

" _Rei? Hi, it's me, Kengo. Are you still in Iwatobi?_ " It's Kengo, and he sounds slightly out of breath. Rei raises his eyebrows in surprise and confusion.

"Yes, I am at Nagisa-kun's house. Why?"

" _I was thinking maybe we could meet up. Do you think Makoto would mind if I snatched you for dinner tonight? I was thinking we could go out and eat, just you and I._ "

Rei looks at his wristwatch; it's almost half past five and he'd normally be on his way to the train station by now. Not that it matters too much, since Makoto tends to be back late as well, but he should probably let his boyfriend know anyway. "I don't, but I should contact him either way. Where do you want to meet up?"

" _Ah, you know the crossroad just by the supermarket and pet store? Is it far away from where you are?_ "

"It isn't; I can be there in a few minutes." He wants to ask Kengo why he's in Iwatobi in the first place, but it quickly hits him that his brother must've visited his parents. An unpleasant chill runs down his spine, and Rei silently curses himself for even reacting to such a thing. He longs for the day when his brother just mentioning them doesn't cause him to react in any other way than neutrality. It's far off still, but he's very eager for that day to come as he's tired of this whole thing by now.

He and Kengo hang up, and Rei turns his attention to Nagisa again, who's eyeing him curiously. "I'm sorry, Nagisa-kun, I have to leave — my brother is taking me out to dinner."[  
](http://popnographic.tk/post/119229080858/anon-or-not-make-me-choose-between)

Nagisa's face lights up, and he smiles. "Ah, that's okay! I'm glad you're getting along with Ken-chan, he seems like a really nice person. You're not very alike, though."

Rei frowns. "How am I supposed to take that, like an insult or a compliment?"

"A compliment! I mean, I think it'd just be scary if you were  _too_  alike, you know? I like that you're different."

"Huh. Well, I guess you managed to escape this one", he says as Nagisa looks like he's about to wildly protest, and Rei laughs. "I'll see you in school tomorrow."

"Sure! Oh, I'll walk you out."

 

* * *

 

It's dark outside, but the snow on the ground helps to light up Rei's surroundings a little as he walks to the place where he'll meet his brother. As soon as he gets there, he spots a tall figure in a dark-beige coat and black boots, illuminated by the street light just beside them.

"Ah, there you are", Kengo says as Rei stops in front of him. The two of them share a hug before Rei gets a chance to look up and smile at his brother.

"Did you wait long?"

Kengo shakes his head. "No, just a few minutes. It's very nostalgic to walk along these streets again. I feel bad for not coming back sooner, and more often."

Rei can't really say he shares his brother's sentiments, but maybe one day he will. He still attends school here, after all, and there are obviously some things he doesn't want to remember when it comes to Iwatobi. Maybe one day he'll be able to look back at his time here with a fond smile on his lips, but for now, all he wants is to graduate in order to have one less reason to return here regularly. If it's just to visit Makoto's family and Nagisa, Rei is sure he'll be able to handle it, since that'll obviously not happen as often as him going to school here every weekday.

"Anyway, maybe we should go before we freeze in place here? I was thinking maybe we could go and have some meat buns or a hotpot. What do you think?"

The younger sibling smiles and nods. "That sounds like a good idea."

There's a small restaurant in the outskirts of central Iwatobi where they have both of the things Kengo mentioned and a myriad of other dishes suitable for the cold winter weather. Having sat down at a table and looked through the menu for a while, the brothers decide to share a mizore nabe, full of fish and other types of seafood along with udon noodles. It reminds Rei of how he used to dislike oysters when he was a child, but grew to really like them in his early teen years.

"It's been such a long time since I had this dish, I'm glad they had it here", Kengo says, and Rei nods.

"Same here, it's been a few years, I believe."

As much as Rei would like to have hotpot dishes more often, he and Makoto rarely have the time to make them unless it's on a weekend, but they're also more expensive meals to make. It's not like they're eating unhealthy and 'bad' food, but he views these type of dishes as a luxury that one should only make on special occasions. Obviously, him having mizore nabe with Kengo now could be considered a special occasion — but then again, he's not the one paying for it.

Rei and Kengo finish their hotpot whilst talking about all sorts of things; they still have a lot of things to talk about and share about their lives, having been apart for so many years. Having been a little reserved at first, Rei finds himself opening up a little more as their conversation continues. He realises he's been putting up emotional walls ever since he moved to Tokyo, and he doesn't actually mind Kengo slowly tearing them down.

"There's one place I'd like to take you before we head back", Kengo says, and Rei looks at his wristwatch. He's wearing the one he got from Makoto's parents for his birthday during the joint birthday celebration dinner, and whenever he looks at it, he's reminded of the fact that _they_ got it for him. Two people who aren't related to him, but in a way have become his family despite that.

"Will we be able to catch the last train?" he asks, and Kengo shrugs.

"I don't know, that depends. I'll pay for the taxi in the event that we don't, but we'l try and make it nevertheless."

Rei quickly puts his gloved hands up in front of him. "Nii-san, I can't have you do that... you already paid for dinner."

"Oh, it's fine", Kengo replies, brushing him off. "Really, I'm just glad I get to spend time with you."

It makes Rei happy to hear, so happy that he easily gives up the fight and lets Kengo pay in case they do end up missing the last train back to Tokyo. His little sliver of happiness quickly disappears when he realises which direction Kengo is taking him in, and he slows down. Soon enough, his brother stops, too, when he realises that Rei isn't walking next to him anymore.

"Rei?"

"I know what you are doing", Rei says, his voice suddenly trembling, and he knows it isn't because he's cold. "I'm not going there. I thought I told you not to talk to them about me."

Kengo lets out a sigh and walks up to Rei, putting his hands on his brother's shoulders. "Technically, I didn't. They... Mum called me. She asked if I was going to come back here anytime soon since she knew I was in Tokyo, and I guess per association, she asked if I would take you with me to their house."

"Why? So that they can yell at me again? Maybe even hit me, too?"

" _Too_?" Kengo asks, a puzzled frown appearing on his face. Rei takes a step back, but his brother's hands remain on his shoulders.

"He hit Makoto because Makoto dared to talk back to him. Isn't he going to do the same to me in that case? I don't see what would stop him." He's deliberately not using the despicable title he usually would've had to if his 'parents' actually acknowledged him as their son. If they don't see him as family, why should he see them that way? Thinking of it that way is one of the few things that have helped to keep him sane these past few months, and he's not going to give it up anytime soon.

Rei suddenly feels like this whole evening he's spent with Kengo is just his brother trying to bribe him into going through with this. The dinner, offering to pay if they have to take a taxi back home... He feels betrayed, like this is some sort of set-up. Why would they  _want_ to talk to him after all this time? It doesn't make sense to Rei, especially considering how their last meeting went. He knows Makoto's parents have been in touch with them regarding the money they still have to send him every month, but this?

"They want to talk to you because they want to make peace", Kengo explains calmly, a sentiment Rei can't say he really shares with his brother right now. He snorts.

"Are you telling me they have suddenly started to feel bad? The man who hit my boyfriend without hesitation because Makoto stood up to them? The woman who did not even have her own opinion but went with what  _he_ said, who did not even seem remorseful in the slightest when disowning me? Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"No. You're right, I don't." Rei looks in surprise at his brother at the unexpected reply, and Kengo sighs again, his hands dropping to his sides. "I don't expect you to believe it, because... well, at first, I didn't believe it, either. But the more I talked to them, the more credible it got. I'm not saying I want you to swallow the bait whole, I'm just saying I want you to hear them out. If you by then still don't want to believe their words, then don't. Just let them talk, that's all they want."

Rei wants to believe that it's all he wants, too. In a way, he wants them to be sorry, and for them to apologise for the pain they caused him. But he also doesn't want anything to change. He can't really say he's happy with the way things are, but he's sure that in time, he will be. Time heals all wounds, as they say, and for once — Rei feels cautiously optimistic that this saying can apply to him as well.

Even so, he can't help but be curious. He knows it'll hurt, but he also decides that this'll be the official end, where he properly parts ways with them. He just wants to hear what lies they'll make, what excuses they have to come with, and even if it's going to hurt, just hearing them out might be worth it. It might even help speed up the process of him trying to forget all about them, since he knows that the excuses he'll hear will only make him despise them even more.

"Alright, fine, you win. I'm leaving whenever I feel like I've heard enough, though. I'm saying this beforehand so you'll know and won't try to stop me. After all that's happened, I should be able to set some of my own rules."

Kengo gives in with a slow nod, and they begin walking towards the house they both once lived in. Rei doesn't know what to expect, except for a big amount of emotional stress he thought he'd finally gotten rid of after all these months. Turns out he was wrong, but that isn't something that surprises him, either.

 

* * *

 

Rei feels his heart hammer against his ribcage, betraying his annoyed exterior. He's both angry and terrified at the same time, and he doesn't know what that will result in once he sees them again and they start talking. Will their voices drip with disgust and hatred for him? Will they fake sounding apologetic to the point where Rei just starts to outright loathe them for their worthless efforts?

His thoughts are interrupted when they're suddenly standing in front of the door. Rei breathes out slowly through his nose when Kengo rings the doorbell, and when he hears footsteps on the other side, he feels like he's going to pass out. As if his brother could read him, Kengo gives Rei's shoulder a little squeeze just as the door opens, and Rei suddenly stands face to face with the woman he called his mother for so many years.

She looks at him in what looks like surprise, but Rei tries to read the underlying connotations. Is she  _really_ surprised? Did she _really_ not expect him to take the bait and come back as soon as he was allowed to? He almost wants to run away, but he knows Kengo is going to stop him and prevent him as soon as he tries.

"Rei, Kengo", she says in such a neutral tone that it surprises him. He would've at least expected her to greet her son with warmth and love, but she's... neutral. Rei fights back the urge to raise an eyebrow in surprise, and she gestures for the two of them to come inside without a word. The atmosphere inside is cold as ice, and if he didn't know he'd actually gone inside a house, Rei wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between in there and out in the winter weather.

A bit hesitant at first, Rei waits for Kengo to make the first move. He mirrors his brother's movements and takes his coat and boots off, placing them neatly in the corner before following his brother and his former mother inside. He dreads the moment he gets to see his 'father', wondering what kind of expression he's going to have on his face when he sees Rei. Is he going to be able to go back home without a scratch? He shudders, thinking about what Makoto would do if he were to see Rei harmed in any way.

"Please sit", she offers, but remains standing, and so does Rei, until Kengo nudges him in the side.

"Just sit", he mumbles. "Don't make it any more difficult than it has to be. The quicker we get this done, the sooner we can leave."

Rei wants to fire off an angry response — why should he adhere to their rules  _now_ of all times? — but he refrains from it with just a glare and obeying his brother. As he does, they're joined by the husband, and as they are, the two of them sit down in front of the brothers. Rei suddenly doesn't know where to look, and he ends up looking down at his trembling, clenched fists in his lap. Should he look at her? Him? What would be his best bet in this situation? What would be the most pain-free option? Probably none of them, he figures bitterly, and this will have to do.

"Thank you for coming... Rei", she says, and Rei immediately looks up upon his name being called. Another unexpected move; he wonders if he's dreaming. He responds with an incoherent mumble, not being able to say anything else as he fears just talking will launch him over the edge.

It goes silent, and within just a few seconds, the silence becomes unbearably loud, and Rei wants to escape again.  _This was a bad idea_ , he thinks.  _I shouldn't have come_.

"We called you here because we wanted to make amends. Set things straight, if you will", Rei's former father now says. He's on edge, prepared for any kind of assault, be it physical or just in speech — anything could be possible at this point considering how he treated Makoto upon their first meeting. Rei also almost wants to laugh at the way his supposed-to-be father worded it as 'set things straight', and he hopes that it didn't actually have any kind of deeper meaning behind it.

"Okay", he chooses to respond, dignifying them with at least  _something_ but not too much. He doesn't want them to experience too much pleasure at his expense, and he knows it would happen if he were to try and speak in longer sentences as he's very much aware of how unstable he is right now, despite wanting to act tough and nonchalant.

"We have been doing a lot of thinking since you left", she begins, and Rei immediately flares up, forgetting all about his nervousness and how close he is to breaking down.

"Since  _I left_?! You mean since you kicked me out of the house and disowned me? You make it sound like it was my fault. I guess it was, since I'm the one at fault for who I am."

The words just come tumbling out once he begins speaking, and they almost don't want to stop. Rei is almost scared of how easy it is for him to speak all of a sudden, having gone from not wanting to say much at all, to almost saying  _too_ much. He assumes it has to be because of all of his pent up rage, sadness and feeling betrayed that decided to burst within him and let him speak his mind. Whatever it is, he's grateful for the little burst of courage that allowed him to speak up to those he hasn't spoken up to before.

He hopes it hurts them, hopes that it hurts at least as much as their treatment of him has done for the past few months. But knowing the way they acted back then, he also wouldn't be too surprised to see them completely unfazed by his words, either.

"I cannot say that we have completely learnt to accept... who you are", her husband, or Rei's 'father', replies. "But we want to. And we're still trying. You know we have our beliefs, it isn't that easy to change deep-rooted views."

"You don't have to. I don't need you to, because I don't—"

"Rei", Kengo warns him in a low voice with a hand on his arm. Rei feels like he's about to explode, wondering why on Earth he'd agreed to this in the first place. How could he let Kengo talk him into this, and how could he be tricked so easily?

"We want to", she says. "We want to understand you, because... well, because you're our son."

Rei snorts. "I thought you didn't have a gay son."

This time, Kengo doesn't react or do anything to stop Rei's sarcastic comments from coming out, and he's glad for it. There are so many things he's wanted to say for all these months, things he wouldn't have dreamt of saying while still living there. Rei feels like he's on a roll, and a strange kind of confidence runs through him as he fires off his responses. He wonders for a second what Makoto would say if he were to sit next to him instead of Kengo, but he assumes Makoto wouldn't try and stop or tone him down as much as Kengo does.

"I said some vindictive things, I will admit that", the man in front of him says. "And I guess hitting... your boyfriend, wasn't a smart move on my part, either. I want to apologise for my wrongdoings. I was angry, but I know that it was misplaced. You obviously cannot help who you fall in love with."

"But you still think it's wrong, don't you?" This time, he's pretty sure he's going to get hit. But nothing happens, and the man across from Rei just sighs.

"It isn't anything I'm used to, and certainly not when it's someone so close to myself. But... all I really want is for you to be happy. And I have come to the understanding that this boy  _does_ make you happy. At least this is what your brother has told me. And if that is the case, then that is all I could ever want."

Rei turns to stare incredulously at his brother, who glances at him and gives him a little smile. He still doesn't know whether to be glad or angry that his brother disobeyed him and still talked to them about this whole situation, so he doesn't know how to react other than to be shocked. On one hand, he would've liked for things to stay unchanged, but on the other, he's kind of glad that they're fully in the know now and that for some reason, they seem to want to be okay with it.

"I don't know what to say", Rei mumbles. "I mean, sure, I— I certainly didn't expect  _this —_  but I also hope you aren't expecting me to swallow this whole and forgive you. Because I can't do that. I can't forgive and forget the fact that both of you refused to acknowledge me as your son after you found out I wasn't the perfect son you thought I was. You threw me out of the house, you said a lot of hurtful things, and you hurt someone I love."

"I am aware of that, and I deeply apologise for all the pain and troubles we caused you because of this", she says, and Rei sighs. He's mentally exhausted and just wants to go back home to Makoto, to forget that all of this happened and go on with his life.

"The best I can do is accept your apology, but that's it", he says after a while with finality in his voice. "I guess I can acknowledge you as my parents again, but I definitely will not be moving back. Things will stay the same, because I don't feel like I could handle anything else."

The hand on Rei's arm gives a light squeeze, and Rei recognises it as a positive one; Kengo must think he's actually said something okay for once. He feels like it's finally okay for him to wrap things up and leave, and it seems like they assume he's about to do it, too.

"Okay", his father replies, and he sounds  _relieved_. Rei almost feels like he's relieved, too, but he doesn't really want to be. He wants to still be mad at them, wants to deeply hate them for what they did _—_  but in a weird way, he understands them. He doesn't excuse them for what they've done, but he understands them. And maybe that's what's going to make it easier for him to just put things behind him and move on, with the only change being that he still recognises them as their parents, but that's going to be the only thing different.

He can't even begin to think about moving back home, because even if things were to somewhat go back to normal, his life has changed too drastically in the past half year that it wouldn't be possible for him to just move back home. And what would happen to Makoto? It isn't that Rei doubts Makoto's abilities to live on his own; Makoto is very capable of it save for his sometimes questionable cooking skills, but he'd be able to improve on them, even if he were on his own.

A terrible thought enters Rei's mind, and he involuntarily shudders. What if they were to break up? Makoto would probably do more than fine without him in that case, but what would happen to Rei? Where would he go? Obviously he wouldn't even dream of coming back to his parents in Iwatobi even if they did get along again, and even if he's become friends with Haruka again, that wouldn't work out. He wouldn't allow himself to impose on Haruka's hospitality like that.

Shaking the thoughts off, Rei gets up from the floor, and Kengo does the same, probably sensing that it's about time they leave. They can still catch a train back to Tokyo at this time even without hurrying, so Rei wants to avoid having his brother pay for a taxi when they could just as well save money on taking the train.

"I think I should head back home", he says, and he actually looks at his parents, even if it feels weird and he wants to avert his gaze. "I'm... glad you invited me over. Thank you."

"It was only the right thing to do", his mother replies and gets up from the floor, too. Before Rei knows it, she's in front of him, and she's hugging him. A sense of panic arises within him, and he quickly separates himself from her with an awkward smile.

"S-see you around", he mumbles. He watches Kengo go over to their father to exchange a few words and say goodbye, and he wonders when his brother plans on coming back to see them. Rei is glad that Kengo at least somewhat took his side in this, but also stayed neutral for the most part during the argument. And even if he had been angry at Kengo when the other stopped him from yelling and losing control earlier, now that it's over, he's glad that his brother was there to do so.

Rei's father comes over to him, and he doesn't know what to expect. So when his father stretches out a hand, he's a little baffled, but also relieved that this is as intimate as their farewell will go. His father has never really been big on emotional things, anyway, and this is one thing Rei is glad that hasn't changed. He feels like he's had too many emotional things going on within just the last hour, and it's been far too much for one person to handle at once. At least in his opinion, but then again, Rei maybe took some of that after his father.

"Take care of yourself. And... ah, I guess this is a little too much to ask for now, but... tell Tachibana that I am sorry for what I did and said back then. I need to apologise to his parents as well, but I guess that will be a slightly easier task as they at least live in the same town."

Rei nods, a little dumbfounded. "Sure", is all he manages, and then he and Kengo walk out. Their mother follow them to the door and silently stands by the door frame to the living room as they're putting their coats and shoes back on. When they're done, she offers them a warm smile that Rei hasn't seen in such a long time, a smile that reminds him of how a mother really should be. Loving, forgiving, supporting _—_

"I'll keep in touch", Kengo says, and Rei wonders how much truth there is to his words. He doesn't want to inquire, but just gives his mother a curt nod before turning around and opening the door.

When they're finally outside, Rei lets out a shaky breath and feels his legs go weak. Kengo is quickly there to catch him, and he looks at his little brother with worry in his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Rei laughs weakly. "I guess I reached my limit... it was bound to happen. I'm sorry, nii-san."

"Don't be. I'll call a taxi and get us both home."

This time, Rei doesn't even have the energy to protest.

 

* * *

 

The apartment is still lit when Rei and Kengo come back. Kengo's carrying his brother on his back piggy-style, who's barely conscious but not yet asleep. He's somewhat aware of what's going on, but he's too exhausted to really care to pay attention. He feels like he's run a marathon carrying a backpack full of rocks, screaming the entire way. He wonders what he'd do if Kengo  _hadn't_ been there to support him, and how he'd make it back home without falling over, unable to make it back up.

Now that he's officially closed a chapter of his life, even if it didn't turn out the way he'd originally thought, Rei feels like maybe he can finally, finally move on. This time probably with a little less pain, and at this point, even if it's just a little — Rei is more than happy to take whatever's given to him. The new year is just upon them, and he wants to aim to make the upcoming year an amazing one. Not just for himself, but for Makoto and the people he cares about, too.

Maybe this hadn't been such a bad idea, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	31. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's concerned about Rei, but thankfully gets to vent to his best friend about it. He also spends a very interesting Sunday morning with Touka.

_Makoto_.

 

To say that Makoto is confused — from the second Kengo walks into the apartment with Rei on his back to the point here he is right now, looking at a Rei in deep sleep in their bed — is a vast understatement. All Kengo said to him before he bowed slightly and left was that Rei would explain to him in the morning, but that for now, Makoto should just let him sleep.

It makes Makoto worried; did something happen to Rei? In that case, what? Worried and slightly annoyed that Kengo chose to be almost too cryptic, Makoto chooses to do as he was told and just let it go until Rei tells him the next day.

After having taken a shower and brushed his teeth, Makoto slips down under the covers. Propping his chin up on his hand, he just looks at his sleeping boyfriend. The little ball of worry in his stomach has grown ever so slightly after he's had time to worry more about it in the shower, and he hopes it isn't as bad as he fears. Obviously, he has no idea what happened that made Rei so exhausted that Kengo had to carry him back home.

When he wakes up the next morning and Rei is still asleep, Makoto wonders if he should wake his boyfriend or just let him continue sleeping. He must've had a rather exhausting night, considering the fact that he's still asleep when it's past ten in the morning. Even on weekends, Rei has a tendency to get up early, but since Makoto's a rather heavy sleeper for the most part, he doesn't wake up just from Rei doing so. It's odd, because Makoto almost expected Rei to wake up when he got out of bed, but he's still asleep when Makoto goes out into the kitchen.

He makes them breakfast and returns to the bedroom, and when he does, Rei has actually, or _finally_ , woken up. He's sitting up in bed with his legs drawn up under his chin and his arms hugging them tightly under the covers. Makoto walks over and places the tray on the covers and sits down, feeling a little hesitant and almost nervous, all of a sudden.

"Good morning", he says almost carefully. "I made you breakfast. Are you hungry?"

Rei looks at the tray's contents and nods. "I am. Thank you... you didn't have to do all this."

"Oh, but I wanted to. I was up anyway."

"Okay, well — if you say so. Thank you for the food", Rei says, and both of them begin eating.

They eat in silence, a silence Makoto finds far too loud, and it's making him anxious. He glances at Rei every now and then, and his boyfriend has a distant look on his face that certainly isn't helping to relieve Makoto of his stress. Eventually, things get too unbearable for him, and he has to ask.

"Rei... can you tell me what happened yesterday? Your brother didn't tell me, because he wanted you to tell me yourself. Are you hurt? Did something happen?"

Rei chews on a piece of his omelette and swallows it before talking. "Kengo took me back to  _their_ house. I— I'd told him I didn't want him to talk to me about them, and that I didn't want him to talk to them about me, either. At first, I thought he had, but... it turns out they'd actually contacted him about... wanting to see me."

Makoto's eyes widen and his eyebrows rise in surprise. This was  _definitely_ not on his list of possible things that happened to Rei last night and that would've led to him being this distant and having slept for so long due to exhaustion. Makoto immediately realises it was  _emotional_ exhaustion, and his heart sinks in his chest.

"So you went to see them?"

The dark-blue haired boy shrugs helplessly and takes a sip from his tea. "I didn't have much of a choice; I don't think nii-san would let me off the hook. In a way... I guess I'm glad. Things probably didn't turn out the way they wanted them to, but they also didn't turn out I'd originally expected."

And so Rei explains what the brothers and their parents had been talking about the night before. Hearing Rei refer to them as his parents again is weird for Makoto, only because up until just recently, he felt nothing but bitter hatred disgust and sadness when it came to them. Not that Makoto couldn't blame him — they certainly hadn't treated him right, and it very much opened Makoto's eyes to how different parents can be, that not everyone's like his parents. Which is why it's a little difficult for Makoto to grasp the fact that Rei somehow learnt to accept their apologies. At least he didn't  _forgive_ them, that would've certainly been a different story.

Makoto really admires Rei for his strength, though. Since he's never been in a situation even remotely similar to Rei's, he can't really relate to it in any way. But he knows that if there were to arise a conflict between him and one or both of his parents this big, he's not too sure he'd be able to handle it nearly as well as Rei has done with his parents.

"Are you okay with how things went?" Makoto asks when Rei has finished talking. His boyfriend shrugs lets out a little sigh.

"I don't know. I think so, I mean... it isn't like I'm going to be seeing them that often. I'll still live here, and after I've graduated, I'll be in Iwatobi even less, if only just to visit Nagisa-kun, and for you and me to go see your family. I guess... I'm not  _scared_ of being in Iwatobi anymore, or at least I don't have to be. They said they want to change the way they think about... me being gay, and I guess I'll choose to believe it. For now, at least."

The brunet nods slowly, taking Rei's words in. While he's still a little unsure about the whole thing, at least things hadn't ended like they did when Makoto went with Rei to talk to his parents. And since it seems like Rei talked back to his parents this time, Makoto fears that Rei would've received the same treatment he did back then. Not that he minds; it was all worth it because he was able to tell them what he felt, and he doesn't regret it in the least bit.

"Okay", Makoto replies. "Well, as long as you're happy, I am, too. I just don't want to see you getting hurt again; what they did to you last time proved to me that they need to show  _me_ that I can trust them not to hurt you again."

A smile, albeit a small one, finally appears on Rei's lips. "Funny how you say that. Father told me to tell you he's sorry for hitting you. It seems he would've liked to apologise in person, though."

Slightly dumbfounded, Makoto leans back against the headboard with a plate on his lap. "That was unexpected", he says. "Well, I guess it's better than him not regretting what he did."

"Indeed. Well, I guess we'd better finish this before it gets cold, right?"

 

* * *

 

On Tuesday after his next to last exam for the term, Makoto heads for the train station to take the train to Higashikoganei where Haru lives. He feels like he hasn't spent time with Haruka alone in forever and wants to remedy it. It seems Rei was of a similar mindset when it came to Nagisa, as he had texted Makoto earlier saying he'd be staying over at Nagisa's for dinner. As much as Makoto loves to spend time with his boyfriend, a little time apart like this will only do them good.

Haru's first tournament with the Japanese junior swim team is coming up, and while he's blatantly denying it, Makoto can see that he's a little nervous about it. It's only to be expected, after all; this is vastly different from their tournaments back in Iwatobi, and actually warrants them a proper prize if they win. Haru says he doesn't know  _what_ it is but it's still something, and probably more than the trophies they got during their younger swimmer days.

"How did your exam go?" Haru asks, his nose still pretty much buried in his sketchpad.

Makoto shrugs and leans against the kotatsu. "It went okay, I guess. I feel like the last one I had was a little easier, but maybe that's just because I do better in that module. Politics aren't really my thing. I don't even understand why we have to  _study_ politics if we're aiming to become teachers of some sort."

"It might be good to know a thing or two about politics when you're working in that field. I don't know, either, but it sounds like it could actually be relevant. Maybe not in the most obvious way, though. Just to have in the back of your mind in case of certain issues or something."

"I guess so", Makoto replies and sighs. "It's just hard for me to really get into, you know?"

"I have a few modules like that, too, but I think it'll get better next year when you'll actually get to choose some of them. It'll work out fine, Makoto. You're like a cat, even if you fall, you always land on your feet, mostly without a scratch."

Makoto laughs. He wonders if Haruka misses the cats back in Iwatobi as much as he does; they haven't been there since Haru moved out, and since not even Makoto lives next door anymore, not even he's able to come to feed and pet them.

"Yeah, I suppose. Thanks, Haru."

While the both of them are studying, there's a silence in the little living room that Makoto finds comfortable and really doesn't mind. It's still something he tends to treasure and try not to take for granted, even though he doesn't live with four other people, of whom two are his siblings who tend to be loud in their constant bickering and fighting. It's probably still deeply rooted within him, and that's why he tends to enjoy the silence more than others probably do.

There's that, and also the fact that Makoto doesn't spend too much time alone with Haruka anymore. While they're both studying at university, their lives are still vastly different. Haru's still swimming, and now on an even higher level than before, and studying in a field not even remotely similar to Makoto's. It's still kind of difficult for Makoto to adjust to, since he's so used to Haru living right next door, and for him to be able to just go over to Haru's house whenever he wants to.

"Makoto? Hey, are you listening?"

Makoto tears his gaze from the window to Haru, who looks at him with a slightly concerned frown. "Sorry, did you say something?"

"Something's bothering you." It's not a question, but more of a statement. Of course, Haruka can read Makoto pretty well by this point, so there are plenty of times where a question isn't needed when he could just point it out and be correct.

"It's nothing big", Makoto says. It's a half lie; it  _is_ kind of big, but it's also something he doesn't want to talk to Haru about. He can't, because he feels like he's talking about Rei all the time around Haru, and while it shouldn't normally bother him, considering how fragile things still may be between them, he doesn't want to push his luck.

"It is, because you're distracted from your studies. Is it something you don't want to tell me?"

He's not even surprised that Haru guesses correctly. Makoto sighs. "Kind of, yeah. It's not that I want to keep things secret from you, it doesn't really have anything to do with either you or me, but—"

"It's Rei?"

Makoto looks at his friend for a second before he gets too nervous and averts his gaze. "Yeah."

"Did something happen between you two?"

"No, no — it's nothing like that", Makoto replies hurriedly and puts his hands up. "We're fine, it's just— okay, you have to promise me not to talk to anyone. Even though he hasn't told me not to tell anyone, I still feel like maybe I shouldn't talk to everyone about it."

Haru rolls his eyes and puts his pen and sketchpad down on the kotatsu table. "Why  _should_ I tell anyone?"

"... Yeah, I guess you're right", Makoto says with a little laugh. "Well, Rei apparently went to see his parents. With Kengo."

This time, Haru frowns. "Why? I thought they weren't on good terms."

"They weren't", Makoto confirms. "But it seems like they wanted to talk to him, apologise and at least make things okay between them again. I don't know everything, but that's what Rei told me. He still seems pretty taken with everything, so I don't want to pressure him into talking about it more than he wants to."

"So they're back to the way things used to be?"

Haru's voice is filled with disbelief, and Makoto can't blame him for it, as he felt the same when Rei told him about this. And of course, Makoto still isn't too pleased with it, either, still fearing that Rei might get hurt by them again. But as long as this is what Rei wants, there's nothing Makoto can do about it but accept his boyfriend's decision.

"Not quite. They're definitely not going to try and be the family they once were, at least not if Rei can help it — it's just that now they're just... on neutral ground. I'm sure it'll take Rei some time to be  _completely_ neutral when it comes to them, but... I guess this is a start."

Haruka shrugs and picks up his pen again, deciding to continue his drawing. Makoto doesn't know what it is, but he hopes Haru will show it to him later. Having known Haru for so long, Makoto knows that his best friend absolutely hates it when people snoop on what he's doing, so he just lets his friend be.

"Well, as long as he's happy, I guess. I think all you can do now is just accept that this is what he wants, and support him", Haru says, and that's the end of that conversation. In a way, Makoto feels guilty for having told Haru, even if Rei hasn't explicitly told him  _not_ to tell anyone. But he also feels good about venting his thoughts, and to have someone respond to it as well. And like Haru said, he realises that he probably does have to just accept Rei's decision and support him, even if it's something that doesn't sit right with Makoto to a hundred per cent.

 

* * *

 

The campus gym is almost eerily quiet when Makoto walks inside. Of course it would be, who else but him would be up at seven on a Sunday morning _and_ going to the gym but him and apparently also Touka? Well, to be honest, Makoto isn’t really a morning person. But his recent realisation made him think that he probably should take advantage of his weekend mornings to get a workout and try to get back in shape.

It isn’t like he’s _fat_ , either — he just isn’t as muscular as he used to be in his Iwatobi days. And since it seems like he still can’t use the pool, this will have to be his other option. He doesn’t know what other options he’d have besides going jogging or joining one of the sports clubs at Gakudai, the latter being something he isn’t too keen on.

Just before he went to bed the night before, Touka had sent him a text message, something that in and of itself wasn't something Makoto had expected.

 **Touka-san** :

 _I'm going to the gym tomorrow morning, but everyone's being a lazy ass and wants to stay in bed. Please tell me you'll join me_.

It wasn't as if he was opposed to the idea, but it certainly stumped him. He hasn't been working out since he attended Iwatobi, and feels like he really needs to get back into that routine of working out at least every other day to stay in shape. Now that he doesn't swim as a club activity anymore, he doesn't need the swimmer's body he's always had to maintain, but that doesn't mean he won't try to keep it in a similar shape. If anything, he knows at least Rei likes it.

Makoto starts out slow with a twenty minute jog on the treadmill. He's a lot earlier than he and Touka had said to meet, but he figures it'll be fine. He finds it odd for Touka to be working out considering the fact that she smokes, but he knows it's none of his business so he decides not to poke his nose in it or think about it further.

When he gets off the treatmill and goes to the bench-press, the door to one of the changing rooms opens. He turns his head to see Touka walking out, waving lazily at him as she approaches him.

"Hey", she says. "You're early."

"Hi. Yeah, I hope you don't mind."

Touka shrugs. "Not really. What'd your boyfriend say when you left so early in the morning?"

Makoto sits down and starts putting on some weights. "He was a little surprised, but he didn't mind. I need to get back in shape, anyway."

The dark brunette in front of him raises an eyebrow. "Huh. Does he think so, too? I don't think you look too bad."

"I don't know, I didn't ask. He... well, he likes... muscles. He finds them beautiful." Makoto's cheeks flush, and he's pretty sure his face is beet red. Touka doesn't seem too fazed by it, however, which relieves him.

"Your man's got his priorities sorted, I'm glad to hear that", she says with a little laugh, putting her hair up in a high ponytail. "Hey, wanna do some sparring later? I think there are a couple of decent boxing gloves in here."

Makoto flinches, his eyes going wide. "Boxing? I've... never done anything like that. I don't know if I can."

Touka waves a hand dismissively as she picks up two of the six kilo dumbbells. Makoto's amazed by how strong she is, but at the same time, he realises he probably shouldn't be surprised. Touka seems like a strong person in general, both physically and mentally, and he admires her for it.

"It's fine, I'll teach you. It's not that difficult, anyway. So?"

He chews on his lower lip in hesitation as he eyes the boxing bags hanging from the ceiling near the back of the gym. He hopes that there won't be others coming in to see him failing at something like boxing. "Okay, I'll do it. Promise not to laugh at me."

She snorts. "Who do you take me for, an ass? Wait, don't answer that."

 

* * *

 

"Don't just block my hits, you have to get some action in there, too. Oh, and a tip — don't hold your thumbs in your hand with the other fingers over them, you can break them easier that way. We'll do some basic hitting on the boxing bag for a bit first, and then move onto switching the mitts and doing a few different punches. You scared of germs?"

Makoto makes a mental note to clench his fists normally as he puts the gloves on, the second one with some difficulty. "No, not really. I'm showering afterwards, anyway."

"Funny guy. Right, let's do this."

As he expected, Makoto's very clumsy at first. It isn't like he's missing the boxing bag in front of him — thankfully — but his punches don't hold much power in them. Touka instructs him as she does some boxing of her own. Makoto can't help but keep glancing at her as she goes about; he's especially impressed with her quick footwork and thinks it almost looks like she's dancing.

"Oi, Makoto — don't tell me I turned you bi, did I?"

He flinches and turns his attention to the boxing bag in front of him. "Sorry, that's... not it", he says, laughing awkwardly. "I was just amazed by how quickly you move about when boxing. Have you done it for long?"

"Eh, a few years on and off. You've gotta be athletic, too, right? I mean, you obviously didn't get those muscles from hitting the gym every now and then."

Makoto exhales slowly and punches the bag a few times, and he notices he's already improved a little. "I used to swim, from when I was about five. I haven't been since I graduated high school, though."

"Ah, that explains it. Why'd you quit? Don't find it as fun anymore?"

Pursing his lips together in a straight line, Makoto exhales slowly through his nose. He wishes he actually had a reason like that to not swim as often anymore, but the truth makes him look pathetic. "I do, I just... I can't. I'm terrified of water."

The boxing sounds from the other bag stops. They're still alone in the gym, despite having been here for nearly an hour now, but Makoto's grateful that no one's around, especially now.

"Hang on, what? How... how did you swim for so long but you're scared of water?"

Makoto stops boxing on his bag as well. "Can we take a break? It's... kind of a long story."

"Oh. Yeah, sure. I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, it... seems pretty painful for you to think about", Touka replies with concern in her eyes. Makoto shakes his head and takes his gloves off. It feels nice to have them out in the air again instead of in those hot boxing gloves.

"It's fine. I feel like it could help to talk to someone about it. Someone who isn't— well, someone other than those I've already talked to about it."

He almost mentions his therapist, but stops himself in the last second. It isn't that he doesn't trust Touka, he's been proven several times that he can — but he's too ashamed to admit that he's so deep down in hydrophobia hell that he needs professional help to get over it.

"Oh, okay." She sits down on the bench and motions for him to do the same, and then Makoto talks. He tells her about how after the fishing boat accident, he was scared of water in general, and not just the ocean. If there was a body of water near him, he'd shy away from it. Haru thankfully helped him get better at dealing with it, and soon enough he was at least able to swim in a pool. The fact that he's gone a step back again makes him feel useless, even though he knows everyone around him, including his therapist, would disagree.

It helps to talk to Touka about his fears and problems, though. He finds that she's a great listener, and although she uses few words in her responses, Makoto takes them to heart. He realises that Touka is pretty similar to Haru in that regard; doesn't talk too much but is wise, patient and good at listening to people talk.

 

* * *

 

"This was fun, and we should do it again. Unless you found boxing too different from the sports you're used to, and you'd rather not do it again?"

Makoto smiles and shakes his head. He's exhausted, but it feels good, and he knows that even though his muscles are going to be sore the next day, it'll be well worth it. "No, I really enjoyed it. It was different, yes, but it was fun. And I think we should do it again, too. A weekly habit?"

Touka snorts. "You need to work out more often than that to see progress. How about twice a week? Let's take a weekend morning and then after class one day. Sound good?"

"Yes, absolutely. Thank you for this, it was really enjoyable. And... thank you for listening. It felt good to talk about it."

She gives him a thumbs up and swings her duffel bag over her shoulder. "Always here if you wanna talk. Thanks for tagging along, I'm glad I could count on you. See you tomorrow."

Makoto waves and offers a smile before they part ways just by the train station. Despite the ache coming in, he feels a little lighter somehow. Him working out every now and then with Touka can be a good way for him to clear his mind, even if he doesn't verbally express them. Serving as a bit of a stress reliever on top of that, Makoto feels a little bit more positive about things. He knows he still has to continually try and get over his fear of at least being in the pool, but thanks to Haruka, he feels like maybe it'll actually be possible.

The end of the year seems to bring him some good things, and Makoto feels like it's long overdue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	32. Creeping panic and a new year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the end of the year, and graduation only creeps closer for Rei, along with the deadline for his career path form — and he definitely feels the stress over it.

"Rei nii-chan, what did you get us? Can I see? Please?"

"Of _course_ he's not gonna tell, that's why they're called presents, stupid Ren."

Rei smiles and squeezes past the squabbling twins into the hallway. He's almost immediately pulled into a warm hug by Yuiko, and his smile widens. "Hello, Yuiko-san. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Rei! How does it feel to finally be on break?"

He puts his bags down and returns her embrace. "It feels great, I'm relieved to not have to think about studies for two weeks."

"Completely understandable. Please, come in and make yourself at home; dinner will be ready around six."

As Rei goes in to take his coat, scarf and gloves off, Yuiko goes to greet her son by the door. While Japanese families don't normally celebrate Christmas like the western tradition, the Tachibana family and Rei are going to make an exception since Rei and Makoto won't be spending New Years with them, but with their friends instead. It's a little exciting with new traditions, though, and Rei definitely doesn't mind it since he loves spending time with his new family.

Rei had spent the entirety of the previous day with his brother, as Kengo was heading back to Sapporo in time for New Years. They'd gone out for lunch and walked around Tonogayato Gardens where Rei and Makoto had spent an evening with Haruka. This time around, Rei knew more about it and was able to give his brother somewhat of a guide around the place, but he still managed to discover small crooks and crannies of the park that he hadn't seen before.

It was a little sad to see his brother go, having finally been reunited with him after so long. But he's confident that they'll be able to stay in contact better this time around, and hopes that he and Makoto might be able to one day maybe come and visit his brother and his family in Sapporo. It's a part of Japan he's never even been to, so it's something he'd definitely like to experience.

Finally gathered in the living room, the family converse about recent events in their lives, the twins boast about their good grades and Rei sees the pride and happiness in his boyfriend's eyes as he listens to them talk enthusiastically. Shortly after, they have another hotpot meal, and while Rei feels like he's had a lot of them recently, he's secretly happy that he's gotten to eat them this often as it doesn't happen otherwise.

A while ago, spending time with Yuiko, Jun, Ren and Ran made Rei think of his own parents and how they never had a relationship anywhere near the one the Tachibana family have, and the one he has with them, and it made him a little sad. Now that he's at least settled things with them, he's able to enjoy himself a lot more and not think about the fact that this isn't his 'real' family. They  _are_ his family, but maybe not in the traditional 'related by blood' sense. It's taken him a while, but Rei has realised that family doesn't have to mean biological, that you can make your own family out of people you hold dear. And the people currently surrounding him are definitely filling that criteria.

"Onii-chan, when will you show us where you live? It's unfair, we haven't been allowed to be there yet!"

Makoto smiles a little and puts his hands up in a placating gesture. "It's not like you haven't been  _allowed_ , it's just very cramped, so we can't fit too many people there. But I promise we'll have you both over soon. I don't think there's much to do during winter break, but spring break seems like a better idea. What do you say, Rei?"

Rei meets Makoto's gaze, and he nods, mirroring his smile. "That sounds good. Maybe we could go into the more central parts of Tokyo and do something, too. I don't think it's too expensive." **  
**

It's something he's always wanted to do for himself, to visit those popular parts of Tokyo he'd always see on TV. Rei hasn't really travelled all that much in his life except for visiting his grandparents in Niigata, and even though them going to central Tokyo will still be within the same prefecture, Rei feels like it'll be more of an exotic trip than him just going to Niigata. Besides, he and Makoto still have that trip to Chuo prefecture for their spa weekend, so that's another trip to look forward to.

"Yeah, I wanna go! Let's go to Shinjuku!"

Makoto laughs and pets Ren's head, who's eagerly bouncing up and down. "I like that idea, too. I think it'd be nice going to see the cherry trees blossom in Shinjuku, I've heard they have a huge park with lots of trees that'll bloom in spring."

The four of them start making plans for their trip whilst they're all having sponge cake with whipped cream and strawberries. It turns out to be a rather nice evening filled with laughter, stories and events which will make for fond memories, and Rei couldn't be happier to have spent Christmas with the Tachibana family.

 

* * *

 

Makoto's fingers are twisting in his hair, but it doesn't really hurt and Rei doesn't mind it, either. The only thing that's slightly bothering him is the slowly oncoming pain in his kneecaps, but judging by the way Makoto's reacting to Rei's mouth and tongue working up and down his length, Rei figures he doesn't have to stand like this for much longer.

Every now and then, he has to pause his movements to swallow the saliva accumulating in his mouth, and he feels his jaw getting a little sore, but otherwise Rei feels like he's definitely improved on giving oral. He remembers his first time and shudders every time he thinks about it as it wasn't a very beautiful way of going about it, in his opinion. Of course, Makoto would beg to differ, but Rei would do the same if Makoto said he felt like he didn't do a good job the first time, either.

Their office chair creaks as Makoto bucks his hips up ever so slightly, but Rei is prepared for it. He follows along, bobbing his head in rhythm with Makoto's hips going up and down. It's completely silent in the apartment apart from Makoto's gasps and moans, and the occasional — very lewd — sounds coming from Rei, and just listening to his boyfriend makes Rei agitated, wanting release himself.

"Re—Rei, I'm... I'm going to come", Makoto moans, and Rei takes it as a sign to speed up and make his boyfriend ejaculate. Mostly because his knees hurt, but also because he feels like he's been at it for a while and wonders if Makoto's stamina might've actually improved.

Makoto comes with a muffled cry into his long-sleeved shirt, and Rei finally gets up from the floor while he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. He looks at the clock on the wall. "We should begin getting ready, we're supposed to meet the others at the shrine in—"

"—two hours, Rei. I have more than enough time to return the favour  _and_ get dressed. Now switch me."

Rei sighs, but he can't hide the smile on his face as he does as he's told.

 

* * *

 

Despite Rei's worries, the two of them arrive at the Iwatobi shrine with fifteen minutes to spare before the time they'd agreed with the others to meet. Makoto had earlier voiced his concern for how things will go between Sousuke and Haruka tonight, but he feels optimistic that they'll be able to keep things at least somewhat civil since they're among a lot of other people they can converse with instead of with each other.

They huddle for warmth whilst waiting for the others, and for once, Rei isn't scared of even embarrassed to stand like this with Makoto, despite being in the small town of Iwatobi. Things have finally started changing for the better, and he can certainly feel it as he doesn't feel like he's walking around with a boulder in the pit of his stomach.

"Rei-chan, Mako-chan! Sorry we're late!"

Nagisa's voice reaches their ears, and they simultaneously turn their heads in its direction. A flurry of blond, red, white and light blue runs up to Rei and Makoto and hugs them both at the same time, making Rei stumble a step backwards from the sudden impact. He still hasn't gotten used to Nagisa's antics despite having known him for for nearly three years now, and he wonders if he ever will.

"Nagisa-kun, I can't breathe", he complains, and Nagisa lets go with a wide smile on his face.

"Hehe, sorry, Rei-chan. Have you been waiting long?"

Makoto shakes his head and looks at his wristwatch. "No, we got here just a few minutes ago, it's okay."

The rest of the group join them, and they all say their hellos. Rei hasn't talked that much to Sousuke before to begin with, but he hopes he'll get to know the fellow butterfly swimmer a little better tonight. He does notice the tension between Sousuke and Haruka, and much like Makoto, he also hopes they'll be able to hang out normally without any mishaps or arguments.

It's great being gathered all six of them again. Rin is a lot more tanned than he was the last time they saw him, but it might just be that the computer screen didn't do his skin tone justice. He keeps whining about the cold and how much snow there is everywhere, and Haruka replies with a deadpan answer every time. On one instance, both Sousuke and Haruka say the same thing in unison, and while they're looking away from each other with frowns on their faces, the others laugh, even Rin.

"How does it feel to graduate soon?" Rin asks Rei as they're standing outside the shrine area. Nagisa's chasing Sousuke around with a sparkler while Haruka and Makoto are sitting down on one of the benches, watching them and having a casual conversation. Rei blows warm air on his gloves and rubs them together to stay warm; thankfully his hands are the only things cold right now.

"It's a little intimidating", Rei admits, and Rin nods understandingly.

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Have you decided what you want to do after graduation yet?"

"No, I haven't. I honestly have no idea what I want to do, and it's starting to stress me out."

"Ah, okay. Well, I've seen your grades, and apart from your horrid English pronunciation—" Rin has to pause and stifle a laugh when Rei pouts in protest "—I think you'd be able to go just about wherever you want. So if you find a field you're interested in, I don't think it'll be too difficult for you to get into whatever university you apply for. Do you think you'd want to continue swimming? Maybe you could go down my route", Rin finishes with a grin.

Rei fidgets a little and averts his gaze. Even though he's managed to learn all strokes, he still isn't too confident about his swimming. Having let his team down at the practice race with Samezuka even made it worse, and now he isn't so sure if his future really lies within the swimming world. Having originally thought that swimming was an ugly sport, Rei thought he'd stick with track and gymnastics for as long as he could. But since swimming swept him off his feet, he's found himself having a bunch of his assumptions and prejudices shattered not only once but a few times.

"I don't know if... if I want to continue swimming. At least like this, I don't think I could go professional with it."

"You don't  _think_ , or you don't want to?" _  
_

He shrugs timidly and switches the weight of his body from his left to right foot. "Maybe it's a bit of both", he confesses. "I don't know what I want to do with my future, but I don't think I could sustain myself on swimming."

Rin shrugs and looks out over the town of Iwatobi in front of them. "Alright, that's fine. I just think it's a shame for you to waste your potential. You improved so much in such a short amount of time that I feared you'd surpass all of us, and honestly — I think you could."

"Why?" Rei asks, and he's pretty sure his confusion is reflected in his facial features, because as Rin's gaze meets his, he's grinning again.

"Because you're a theory freak. You learn things incredibly fast, and you can store a shitload of information in that noggin of yours. You're also a very determined person, and I think you could put that into good use when it comes to swimming. But if you don't feel like you want to, then that's fine — I certainly won't try and force you to do something you might not enjoy in the long run."

Rei processes Rin's words, and he fights back a blush that wants to come out after the compliments Rin just unashamedly showered him with. He knows very well how much of a theory freak he is; it's one of the main reasons as to why he got to where he is today in regards to swimming. But without Rin's help, he still wouldn't have made it very far. At the same time as he'd feel guilty for letting Rin's hard work go to waste, he also doesn't want to put his life into something he isn't too certain about.

 

* * *

 

 

After having talked for a little bit, they all make their way up to the little line outside of the shrine, where people are making New Years wishes, drawing fortunes and praying to the gods. There are lanterns lit along the way, illuminating the little forest pathway up to the shrine and even a few ones hanging by the shrine. Rei can't help but look around him and admire the scenery, even though he's been here every year since he can remember. It's a little different coming here with his friends and his boyfriend — maybe he's seeing it differently or enjoying it more.

When the six of them have all made their wishes at the shrine, they go to the fortune stall right beside it and draw a fortune slip each, comparing them with each other. Rei gets a great blessing and " _negaigoto_ " for one's desires written on his little scroll, and it's probably the best one he's ever gotten. He has a habit of getting a small blessing and something related to either travel or business dealings, neither of which were really relevant to him back then, and still aren't. And while Rei isn't normally one to believe in these because there isn't really any logic to them, he does find it nice to finally get something other than the fortunes he usually gets.

"What'd you get?" Makoto asks as he approaches Rei and kisses him on his cheek. Rei unrolls his scrap and reveals his fortune to Makoto, and his boyfriend smiles, revealing his own which reads "great blessing" and "romantic relationships".

"Wow, I've never seen one like that", Rei says, and Makoto grins.

"Best one I've gotten. I'd say it's pretty accurate, too." It takes Rei a second or two to get it, but when he does, his face heats up and Makoto laughs, kissing him on the cheek again. "I love you", Makoto adds, only speeding up the blush spreading in Rei's cheeks.

"I love you, too", he says and properly turns his face towards Makoto so they can share a kiss. Makoto's lips are a little cold, but Rei doesn't mind it since he feels like he's burning up, anyway. 

Makoto and Rei arrive back at the apartment just past half past three in the morning on the first of January. Rei's feet still hurt a little from having walked around so much, but he considers this night to have been a success. They're going back to Iwatobi in two days just to spend some time with Rin and the others, before Rin flies back to Australia and won't be home until summer.

Rei lies down on the bed with a loud exhale. He's glad to finally be back home and in bed, and for once doesn't plan on getting up  _too_ early the next day. He's on winter break and that means he doesn't have any obligations except for the occasional gym workout to make sure he isn't falling behind and will have to catch back up with the others once school and club activities start up again.

His boyfriend soon joins him, and they crawl under the duvet together. Makoto grabs his hands and intertwines their fingers under the covers, and Rei scoots closer for a kiss.

"Hey, I was thinking of something", Makoto says. "The spa weekend we got from Mum and Dad — maybe we could take it just after we've finished our studies for the year? To celebrate, or something."

"I agree, that sounds good. I still can't believe they gave us a spa weekend at the Mandarin Oriental."

Makoto giggles and rubs their noses together. "Neither can I. They're a bit crazy, but I love them."

"Yeah."

 _I love them too_ , Rei thinks, but doesn't say. It feels weird, and he'd be embarrassed to say it out loud — but at the same time, it feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	33. Crutch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto swallows his dignity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I released three fic updates today, holy cow.
> 
> In case you are interested in reading any (or both?) of the other two:
> 
> "[Restart](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3495107/chapters/8991112)", chapter 5. Souharu.  
> "[A sharp-toothed, walking tornado](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3585915/chapters/9085903)", chapter 10. Makorin.

_Makoto_.

 

There's sweat dripping down his forehead, and Makoto can't feel his body. He's panting, wheezing, trying to regain control of his numb body, but whatever he does, nothing works. Rei cradles Makoto's head in his lap, sitting with a tissue and wiping the sweat beads off as they form, but there isn't a stop to them. Makoto almost feels like his heart's going to burst in his chest, and he's pretty sure his heartbeat's going through the roof.

An eternity and a half later, Makoto finally calms down and is able to move again, but only barely, as he's completely exhausted. He lets out a shaky sigh. "Sorry to wake you", he mumbles.

"Please don't apologise", Rei says back in a soft voice. "This isn't your fault. Do you want to go clean up before we try and go back to sleep?"

He does, because he feels gross from all the sweating, and hopes that a cold shower might help him calm down even more. Makoto's embarrassed that Rei is here to witness all this, but there isn't really anything to do. And when Makoto has a panic attack, there's no one else he wants to be there by his side but Rei.

"Yeah. I'll be back in a few minutes."

He gets out of bed and exits their bedroom. The narrow hallway is pitch dark, and he almost has to feel his way around the walls to find the bathroom. Making it inside successfully, he turns on the ceiling light and closes the door behind him. He has a lecture at ten in the morning, and as it's currently just past two, he still has a chance of getting a good night's rest. That is, if he can manage to go back to sleep, which he's never sure of these days.

While standing under the shower stream, Makoto tilts his head back, closes his eyes and lets the semi-cold water pelt his face. It certainly feels a lot better than having sweat drip down from his forehead, that's for sure. He thinks about Rei, wonders what he's thinking. Does Rei find him bothersome? Weak? Well, they'd be two on that, if that were the case. He knows Rei would just blatantly deny it, but would he think otherwise to himself?

Makoto catches himself before his thoughts go too far. Is he doubting Rei, thinking Rei wouldn't tell him the truth? He feels bad for having these thoughts, and wonders if maybe it's just the remnants of his panic attack still spooking inside his head. Whatever it is, it isn't something he wants to think about. He wants to be able to trust Rei the way his boyfriend trusts him. That's one thing he can be absolutely certain of, at least. He just wants to prove to Rei that he trusts him back, too.

When he comes back to bed, Rei still sits up, and the light on his nightstand is lit. When he notices Makoto coming back in, the look in his eyes softens, and he smiles ever so slightly. "Are you okay?"

Sighing inwardly, he sits down on the bed again. Makoto doesn't like when people feel sorry for him, when they coddle and tiptoe around him. It makes him feel even weaker, even more pathetic, because it's just more evidence supporting the case that he does need help. This is the way it's always been for him, except it used to be Haru he relied on for most everything in his life. Haru was the steady person who always knew what to do, what to say and in which direction Makoto should go, because Haru knew him better than anyone else.

And now, he's being forced to entrust this role onto Rei. He really doesn't want to burden his boyfriend with this heavy task, because he knows how much it must've burdened Haru, even though he never really said anything out loud about it. Of course it must have — Makoto knows he would've felt some kind of discomfort if he were in their shoes.

"I'm okay", he lies, and he knows Rei sees right through it. "I just want to go back to sleep. It's a day tomorrow, after all."

Rei leans forward and wraps his arms around Makoto's shoulders, leaning him back against his chest. "I know you don't think you are, but I think you're strong, Makoto."

"Why?"

"Because you always help people around you. You shoulder their pain and sorrows, and you always manage to face it with a reassuring smile on your face. During the training camp, you were still battling your fear of the ocean, yet you still chose to go there because it would mean you could swim with your friends."

Makoto lets Rei's words sink in, and while he doesn't really want to admit it, he knows Rei isn't lying. It's just something that's always been a part of him, to make sure everyone around him is happy. Always putting everyone else's needs above his own in order to avoid conflicts, and that in itself has made him frightened of handling a conflict when one has arisen.

"It's okay to lean on others", Rei continues. "In fact, I  _want_ you to. Because you said I could to so with you, I want for it to be mutual, that we can rely on each other."

"You're right", Makoto says and sighs in resignation. "I know I've said it too many times already, but I don't want to because I feel like I'm burdening people, especially the way I must've burdened Haru during our entire childhood. And at the same time as I do... continue to rely on others, I want to learn to be more independent, too."

He feels Rei kiss him on the top of his head, and he relaxes in his boyfriend's arms. "That's fine", Rei says. "I sort of know how you feel, too. I used to rely on others far too much back in the day as well, but I've learnt that a little is normal."

"You mean like the thing with swimming?"

"Y-yes", Rei replies, and Makoto leans his head back to look up at him.

"I see what you mean. I'll try and think about it from now on. And... I have to do something about this."

"'This'?"

Makoto sighs. "The attacks and all that. I can't deal with it, I need to do something about it."

It's taken him a lot to come to this point, but he knows he has to take his therapist up on her offer from the other day. Anything to get himself back on track, to be able to at least finish his studies at Gakudai and start walking down the road he'd chosen not too long ago. If this is what it takes for him to achieve his dream, Makoto accepts that he'll have to continue to rely on others.

 

* * *

 

" _Sawakiguchi Kyouko's office, how may I help you?_ "

Makoto swallows what feels like his dignity. "Hello, my name is Tachibana Makoto. I would like to book an appointment with Sawakiguchi-hakase."

" _Certainly. Could you tell me your birth date?_ "

It takes less than two minutes, and he has an appointment booked for that afternoon. This is definitely not how he wanted to spend his afternoon, but he knows it's for the best, for his mental health. Maybe even physical, if he'd ever let it go that far. If anything, he can be sure Rei wouldn't let it go to that point, so there's that.

Rei is sitting out in the living room when he comes back out, and looks up from his laptop. "How did it go?"

"I managed to get an appointment at three."

"I'm glad. Do you want me to come with you, or...?"

He shakes his head, even though he really wants Rei to come with him.  _Independence_. "No, I'll be fine."

He'll be fine.

No, he definitely won't.

 

* * *

 

"What brings you here today, Makoto-kun?"

He's inclined to say that he doesn't have a clue, but that'd be a lie. He does know, he just doesn't want to admit it. "I wanted to take you up on that... offer."

Miss Sawakiguchi looks at him with mild confusion. "Offer? What do you mean?"

Makoto sighs. "The... pills."

"Oh... I see." She goes quiet for a few seconds whilst going through his file again, her facial expression remaining neutral. Makoto prefers that to her having a pitiful look in her eyes, one that confirms his own opinions of himself as a weak, pathetic person who needs medications as a crutch to get through his everyday life. "What changed your mind?"

"The attacks. They're too frequent, and I'm... tired. I want less of it. I don't want Rei to have to deal with them as much as he has to, either. I'm tired of this, I just want to be able to complete my education and go work with what I want. And this isn't helping my case."

"Okay. Well, please don't feel like this is a cop-out solution for you, this is perfectly normal—"

"I'm not normal."

"—for someone in your position. What's so bad about it if this might actually help you and maybe even completely rid you of your panic attacks? Don't be afraid to take the hand that's been outstretched to you, it's been offered to you for a reason."

"Yes, because I'm weak."

"Makoto-kun, you are not weak. None of this is your fault, I promise. Okay, here's what I'm going to do; I'll start you out with 0.25 milligrams of Zoloft, three times a day. I'd suggest taking them with each meal — I assume you eat three times a day?"

He manages a short nod, and miss Sawakiguchi nods back in acknowledgement. "Good. I would strongly advise against taking more than the recommended dose, because as I'm sure I have mentioned before, these medications may also  _induce_ your panic attacks. So please be careful."

Even if he tried, Makoto's pretty sure Rei's going to keep a watchful eye on him to make sure this doesn't happen. And he doesn't really want to, since that would end up costing him a lot more money. He's glad he still counts as a young adult with him being enrolled in university studies, or it would be much more expensive. His medication is not something he wants the majority of his and Rei's budget to go towards.

But, Makoto surrenders. It's taken a lot for him to come to this point, but he's acknowledged that this will be better not only for him but everyone else around him, too, in the long-run. And as long as people around him are happy, that's all that matters to him. "Of course", he elects to reply. All he wants right now is for his therapist to just prescribe him his pills so he can run off to the nearest pharmacy and get them before going home again. Thankfully, he's on Christmas break, and that gives him plenty of time to get used to the medication.

"Makoto-kun... may I ask you one thing? And please, do not take this the wrong way, I am merely asking."

He frowns. "Sure... what is it?"

"Have you considered maybe changing your major? To something that will not remind you of water, and all of those things related to it? Or maybe just putting your studies on hold for a while? Of course, trying to confront the issue at hand and dealing with it gradually may help you, but maybe taking a break from it would be a good idea. At least until you feel like things have settled down a bit, and you let the medication start working."

"I don't want to give it all up, and I don't want to put it on hold, either. I won't push myself too hard, but I'm not going to let this hinder me."

For once, his therapist smiles, albeit vaguely. "I'm glad to hear you have a positive outlook on this. We'll continue these weekly sessions as normal while you take your medication, but promise me to take a break if things still get too rough."

And this time, he feels like he can actually make a promise without lying between his teeth. Maybe her words got through to him, after all. "Yes, of course."

"Good."

 

* * *

 

"Seriously, Nanase — I don't get what the hell people see in you when you can't even agree with the rest of us on a fucking  _pizza_."

"I don't want ham on pizza. That's blasphemy", Haru counters, glaring back at Sousuke with equal intensity he's met with. They're sitting in Haru's living room — Makoto's surprised Sousuke actually agreed to it — after having spent a day together around Tokyo, the entire gang with Gou included this time. Sousuke, having lived and attended school in Tokyo before, was supposed to be their guide around town, but Rin ended up taking over since Sousuke somehow managed to get them lost somewhere in Kanamachi.

"Just let him order his mackerel for himself if that's what he wants", Rin sighs exasperatedly. "I can't believe you two still bicker like you're twelve. We're turning  _twenty_ this year, time to start acting like it."

"Says the crybaby", Haru mumbles, and it actually makes Sousuke _laugh_. Makoto's too stunned at what's happening to say anything. Rei sits at his side, chatting with Nagisa about something Makoto isn't paying attention to, and they're all having — well, generally — a good time. It's the last time they'll see Rin before summer, but before that, it's Rin's birthday, too. And while they can wish him a happy birthday over Skype, it isn't the same as being there in person.

"Shut up, I'm not a crybaby", Rin retorts and leans back against Sousuke's chest, but his words don't hold any truth to them; everyone currently present in this small living room can attest to that.

"Oh, you  _so_ are, onii-chan", Gou drawls with a roll of her eyes, and Sousuke howls with laughter, giving her a high five.

After their food has arrived, they continue talking and spending their last few hours together as a group for a while. It's something they'll have to get used to from now on; the fact that they'll only get to see each other less and less. With Nagisa, Rei and Gou graduating this spring, there's no telling where either one of them will end up, and that only makes it more difficult for them all to find time to see each other.

"What do you plan on doing after graduation, Gou?" Makoto asks, realising he's never actually asked her before. She turns to him with a surprised look on her face, but then smiles.

"I think I'm going into nursery. So I guess we'll be working in similar fields, except I'm not... well, on the sports side of it, I guess."

"I always thought you'd go for something where you'd get to see half-naked men all day", Nagisa giggles, and Gou slaps him on the back of his head. "Ouch!"

She snorts and turns her attention back to Makoto, who holds back a laugh. "I kind of have you to thank for a part of that, Makoto-senpai", she says. "Hearing about when you'd worked at the swimming club with coach Sasabe made me think even more about what I'd already been considering before, and it helped me push myself further in that direction."

Makoto's eyebrows skyrocket, and he laughs awkwardly whilst scratching his chin. "Oh... well, I guess you're welcome. And I hope things go well for you!"

Among other topics, Rin and Haru talk about their progress in their hopes of becoming professional swimmers on different continents. While Rin isn't holding back on the bragging, Haru stays unusually quiet about his own training and races. Makoto figures he's just uncomfortable with too much attention like he usually is, so he doesn't inquire on it and is glad no one else does, either.

When they see Rin off this time, there are no tears. Maybe they'll get used to this sooner than they thought, at least Makoto would like to hope so. Nagisa jumps up and gives Rin a long hug with a bright smile, which is the complete opposite of what happened last time. Even Sousuke and Haruka manage to see each other off without chewing each other's heads off.

Makoto and Rei take the short train ride back to Kokubunji. As soon as he comes in through the door, Makoto goes to take his last pill of the day, having left his jar at home. Bringing it with him and having to take them during his day out with the others would just cause unnecessary commotion and probably worry, as well, and he definitely wouldn't want to take that kind of talk with all of them around at the same time. Especially not since it was Rin's last day with them for a while, too.

When he's about to walk into the bathroom, he feels two arms wrap around his middle from behind, and he stops. "Rei?"

"Are you starting to feel okay with them? The pills, I mean."

He stiffens. "I put up with them, yeah."

"And you're not getting any weird side-effects?"

"Not really, no. Well, I've only taken them for a few days, so only time will tell, I guess."

"Okay. I'm here for you, you know that, right?"

Makoto smiles a little. Rei really is too good for him. "Yeah, I know. Thank you, Rei."  _Thank you for putting up with me_ , are words that go through his mind, but don't leave his mouth. He knows how that conversation would go, anyway, so there's no point in trying his luck. He's been told countless times not only by Rei but others close to him that it's okay for him to lean on them when he feels like he needs support, and while he wants to try and do it as little as possible, it's kind of nice to know.

He wants to make this a year with as little negativity as possible, and it has to start with himself. He knows it's a common side-effect to his anxiety attacks, but he still wants to try. If not just for himself, for Rei. His boyfriend has to go through a lot living with someone like Makoto, and he wants to make it as effortless as possible on Rei's part. The pills and continued psychotherapy is just part of it, but in time, he hopes he'll be able to spread his wings and fly out of the cage he's in.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Makoto wakes up to a text message from Haru, and when he reads it, he accidentally says "yes!" so loud that he wakes Rei up. Having relayed the information to his boyfriend, both of them cheer for their friend and mark the calendars on their phones.

 **Haru** :

 _I didn't want to say this in front of everyone yesterday, but I have an individual free-style race coming up next Friday. If I place in top three, I'm going to nationals with the Japanese national team. Yes, you can tell Rei. Talk to you soon_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was debating on whether to use "sensei" or "hakase" when referring to Makoto's therapist in this chapter. I feel like "hakase" is more appropriate since a therapist/psychologist is someone whose high expertise is in a medical field. "Sensei", on the other hand, can be used for teachers, lawyers, politicians and other authority figures. Sure, you can call your doctor "sensei", too, but as previously mentioned, I felt like "hakase" was more appropriate. Please do feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, I've only studied Japanese for about three years and still am a bit iffy on some honorifics.
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	34. Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka has an important race, and some tension arises between two childhood friends.

"Ouch! Nagisa-kun, you're sitting on my  _foot_."

"Sorry, Gou-chan."

Ideally, they would've been gathered in a bigger living room for this occasion, but since they weren't able to, this would have to do. The four of them are gathered in Rei's and Makoto's tiny living room, squeezed in front of the TV and eagerly waiting for Haruka's race to start.

"That commentator has  _such_ an annoying voice", Nagisa complains. "If he could just talk a little less, it'd be bearable."

"Just focus on what you see instead, then", Gou replies with a roll of her eyes. Rei leans back against Makoto's chest, and Makoto adjusts his legs around Rei's sides.

"Are you sitting comfortably?" Makoto asks.

"Yeah. What about you?"

"I'm fine. You're warm."

"Hey, lovebirds, you have guests", Nagisa says, and Gou giggles.

"Let them be. Oh, there they are! I can see Haruka-senpai!"

As she says it, everyone's attention turns to the TV, and it doesn't take long for Rei to spot Haruka. He's still wearing the same kind of swim trunks with purple streaks, and Rei finds it oddly charming that he still sticks to it. It might be his lucky charm, so that would explain why. Haruka looks as calm, or neutral, as always, looking straight ahead of him. The others standing next to him look a little less comfortable with the situation, and Rei hopes that'll help Haruka gain a position high up on the list.

"Can't we make a bet on what Haru-chan places? I bet two hundred yen on first."

"Theoretically, there's a high probability that he'll win considering his track record and how much he's continued to improve, so that's unfair of you, Nagisa-kun", Rei points out, and Nagisa turns his head around to stick his tongue out.

"It kinda is", Makoto agrees. "I just wanna watch him swim, it feels like it's been so long."

Soon enough, the swimmers step up onto the starting blocks and put their goggles on. The entire arena goes quiet, and even the TV commentator has gone silent, waiting for the start signal. Rei pushes his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose, finally noticing that they've been askew for a while. Nagisa leans closer to the TV, and Gou almost bounces up and down in excitement.

The start signal goes off, and Haruka dives into the pool, his dive looking as beautiful as ever. Rei remembers seeing Haruka dive into the pool for the first time at Samezuka as if it were just yesterday, the way he so perfectly curved his body as he dove, and how perplexed Rei as when the splash following his dive was so minimal you'd think Haruka weighed less than half of what he actually does.

Haruka gains a quick lead, and his improvements are clearly visible. Rei finds himself being absolutely taken away by what he sees on the TV screen, not once taking his eyes off his former upperclassman.

But then something happens, something distracts him, and it's so blatantly obvious that Rei feels like shouting it out is redundant. Haruka falls behind, and while it's clear he's trying to catch back up, it's not enough. He lands himself a second place, and when the camera zooms in on his face as the race has finished and the results are shown on the screen above their heads, he looks anything but happy.

There's an awkward silence in the room; no one dares say a thing, because they might end up saying the wrong thing. Haruka is a dear friend of all of them, of course, and they all know this has to be devastating to him. Having decided not too long ago that he'd start caring about times and results in order to achieve his new-found dream, this has to be utterly humiliating.

Finally, Makoto speaks up, and Rei notices that his boyfriend's embrace has tightened a little. "At least he's qualified for nationals", he says quietly. "That's all he needed."

"But he's not gonna be  _happy_ about that, Mako-chan", Nagisa says back as he stretches forward and turns off the TV. "Sorry, I just— I can't watch anymore. I don't want to see him like that."

A buzzing next to Rei and Makoto has them both flinching, and Makoto picks up his phone. He sighs. "Rin isn't too happy, either, it seems."

"Of course he isn't. Are you?"

"Nagisa-kun, that's enough", Gou tries to placate her friend, but Nagisa doesn't seem like he's planning on backing down just yet. Rei rarely sees Nagisa like this; he's usually all sunshine and rainbows, and the person among them who manages to light up a dark room no matter the circumstances. It scares him, because it reminds him that even Nagisa has a side like that. He's always admired Nagisa for his seemingly endless optimism and ability to smile at anything and everything. But Rei realises that there are things that even upsets someone like Nagisa.

"Maybe  _you're_ happy with it, but I don't think anyone else is. And it's not for ourselves. This is for Haru-chan, you know. If it were me, sure, I'd be more than happy with second place among several other swimmers. But to see Haru-chan not get what he's been working so hard for? No, I'm not happy about it. And I know why Rin-chan isn't."

Something inside Rei screams at him to do something to stop this argument before it goes too far. He isn't even sure if it  _can_ go too far between Makoto and Nagisa, because he's never, ever seen them like this with each other. With others, yes — he knows Makoto's still a little shaken up by the fact that he and Haruka managed to have a fight, even, and they're as close as friends can get.

 

* * *

 

The awkward air still lingers after the two of them have left. Rei goes to sit down by the kotatsu, but he stops when he notices Makoto isn't following him. As he turns around, he sees Makoto sitting slumped down on the floor by the bathroom door, and his vacant stare sends uncomfortable chills down Rei's back. He walks over and falls to his knees by Makoto's side, gently placing a hand on the other's arm.

"Makoto? Makoto, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

There's no reaction, and his panic only increases. Not knowing what else to do, Rei carefully pulls Makoto's phone out of his pocket and hopes to the gods that his therapist hasn't gone to bed yet. He finds her number at the top of Makoto's recent calls, and presses the call button. A few signals go through while he's holding his breath, anxiously watching Makoto, but then she finally picks up."

" _Sawakiguchi Kyouko here, how may I help?_ "

"H-hello, my name is Ryuugazaki Rei... my boyfriend is a client of yours. Tachibana Makoto."

" _Ah, Makoto-kun. Is there something wrong?_ "

"I think so", Rei says in a quivering voice. "He's... sitting on the floor and staring at nothing. He doesn't respond when I try to talk to him."

The woman goes silent for a few seconds, but it feels more like several minutes. " _You do not have anything to worry about, Ryuugazaki-kun. He's having a panic attack_."

"How... how am I supposed to  _not_ worry?" he asks, sounding a little too aggressive than he would've liked. "I apologise... that was not my intention. But I can't just sit here and watch him like this. Is he in pain? Isn't there anything I can do? At all?"

" _Do not worry, I understand you are stressed. But this isn't going to harm him in any way, I promise. He might feel like it does, but it actually does not hurt him. It will pass in at most ten minutes, and I suggest you just sit by and wait for him to recover. It isn't anything dangerous, but I do understand your fear. Please do not hesitate to call me if you have any other questions or worries. Thank you for calling me, Ryuugazaki-kun. I know he is in good hands with you._ "

"Ah... I don't know about that", he says, eyeing his boyfriend worriedly. "I apologise deeply for calling you so late at night, but I didn't know what else to do."

" _That's okay. Like I said, I am glad you did, and you can always call me whenever you are worried about something related to him. Remember to stay calm for whenever he comes back out of it, because he might get stressed again if he sees you are. This isn't dangerous to him, okay?_ "

Rei exhales slowly and lets his body relax a little. It's a little difficult to completely rely on her words when his boyfriend is sitting right next to him and being unresponsive. "Okay. Thank you so much, Sawakiguchi-hakase."

" _You're welcome. Good night_."

"Good night."

Rei hangs up the phone call, and goes back to watching Makoto. He does feel a little less worried now that he knows it doesn't hurt Makoto, but just seeing his boyfriend's blank expression scares him. He's barely moving except for his chest heaving in and out irregularly and sometimes puffing out a little further, signalling a hitch in Makoto's breathing. It's painful to see, and Rei can't even imagine what Makoto's feeling right now, what he's thinking. What triggered it is completely beyond him, and he doesn't know when it'll be safe to ask.

After what feels like half an hour, Makoto blinks and turns his head to face Rei. He looks exhausted, and Rei feels his heart ache in his chest.

"Hey", Makoto mumbles. "Not yet used to taking those pills regularly, I suppose."

 _Why are you making jokes at a time like this?!_ Rei thinks to himself and closes his eyes to prevent the tears behind his eyelids from falling. "Are you... okay now?"

"Yeah. Tired, I guess. Let's go to bed?"

"... Okay."

They go into their bedroom and get in bed without a word. Rei keeps casting anxious glances at his boyfriend, wondering if he really  _is_ okay, or if it's just another one of those white lies of his that are always accompanied by that sunbeam smile.

Not being able to contain his curiosity, Rei takes Makoto's hand under the covers and steels himself for the reaction. "Makoto... can I ask you something?"

Makoto turns halfway around and looks at Rei. His eyes look a lighter shade of green in the light of the lamp on his nightstand, and Rei can't help but think how beautiful his boyfriend looks. "Sure, what is it?"

"Do you know... what caused your attack this time? Was it the whole thing with Nagisa-kun lashing out?"

Makoto shifts his eyes to look at Rei, and there's a hint of uncertainty in them. Rei almost wants to take it back, to say that it doesn't matter and that Makoto should just forget it, but he knows it's already too late and that Makoto would probably insist on answering anyway.

"I've... never fought with Nagisa before", Makoto begins, and looks down. He laughs nervously. "I've only ever seen him like that a handful of times in all of the years I've known him, but for it to be directed towards me... it scared me."

Rei nods, but doesn't say anything until he's sure Makoto's done talking. It's difficult to talk about, Rei knows that, but Makoto still seems intent on trying. "Nagisa has always admired Haru and the way he swims. Hell, the sole reason as to why he came to Iwatobi High in the first place was so that he could swim with Haru. He's like an idol to Nagisa, and... sometimes I tend to forget that, because to me, they're both my best friends, like Rin. So I guess that's why I reacted like that tonight, because I wasn't considerate of how Nagisa feels."

He exhales slowly and closes his eyes. Rei leans forward and kisses his boyfriend on the forehead. "Do you want to hear my opinion?"

Makoto blinks at him in confusion. "Yeah, sure."

"I think Nagisa-kun overreacted a little. I know that Haruka-senpai is his idol, and that he admires him. I do, too, of course", he says and can't fight back the blush in his cheeks. "But he should've thought about it from your point of view, too. You're Haruka-senpai's best friend, and you know him better than anyone else. I think he overreacted like that because he might be scared."

"Wait, scared?"

Rei sighs. He doesn't really want to bring these awful memories back up to the surface, but for the sake of this conversation, he has to. It's almost been a year now, but he's sure that the wounds are still a bit fresh on all of them.

"Do you remember when Haruka-senpai swam that race back in your third year, when he suddenly stopped, and Rin-san came to berate him over his poor performance? We all thought that this was the point where Haruka-senpai would give up swimming, give up everything. Because it seemed like he would have, and if it hadn't been for your and Rin-san's intervention, he might just as well have quit swimming altogether."

"Oh", Makoto replies. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I guess I didn't think about that. Maybe that's what Nagisa's so worried about."

"I think so, too", Rei agrees. "I'll talk to him about it, don't worry."

Makoto nuzzles his head into the crook of Rei's neck and smiles. "Thank you."

 

* * *

 

"I didn't know Mako-chan felt like that. I feel bad now."

Nagisa looks down at his hands folded in his lap, looking guilty. They're at his house, and it's the second to last day before they begin their last term at Iwatobi High. There isn't too much snow out on the ground anymore, which definitely helps to keep Rei's mood up a bit during the day. Makoto's spending a day at the gym with Touka, and Rei is thankful to her for getting him out of the apartment. It isn't that he doesn't enjoy spending time with his boyfriend, but Rei knows that every once in a while, it's good for them to spend some time apart.

"You shouldn't feel bad", Rei replies with a gentle smile. "It was just a miscommunication issue, really. I'll tell him what you've told me, and—"

"Actually, can I do it myself? I kinda feel like it'd be more personal that way. And I don't want you to keep being the messenger, it's not like we're enemies or anything."

"Of course, you're right."

"Did Mako-chan talk to Haru-chan about... the race?"

Rei shakes his head. "Not yet. He did try to call Haruka-senpai the day after, but there was no answer. He's going to see him during next week, though, so I guess that's when they'll talk. If anyone can talk to Haruka-senpai about it, it's Makoto."

"I guess so", Nagisa says, but he still seems a little uneasy. He doesn't say anything else on the subject, and Rei doesn't feel the need to add anything else, either, so he drops it.

School starts up again two days later, and it's very obvious that people are still desperately trying to get used to getting out of bed early again. Nagisa keeps dozing off in class, and Rei has to poke him in the back with his pen before the teacher notices and makes a fuss about it. Thankfully, Nagisa doesn't get caught, and the day passes by more or less without any problems.

As he hasn't been doing well with regular training during his break, Rei finds himself having to catch up quite a bit. Even Nagisa seems to have stayed on top of his training, and doesn't seem to have much trouble with getting used to being back in the swimming pool at ITSC. Rei only just barely manages to finish the regimen they're using since before the break, and he dreads having to change it together with Gou soon.

"Rei! I can see you've been slacking off, do you really call that a front crawl?! Bigger, longer strides! Use your legs!" Coach Sasabe is back in 'demon mode', being merciless as he keeps pelting Rei with remarks during practice. Thankfully, he isn't the only one being supervised; Sasabe makes sure to go by everyone else, as well, but he knows he's getting most of it himself.

As he gets out of the pool, Rei heaves a sigh. Gou is quickly by his side with a towel, and her face is full of concern. "Is something wrong, Rei-kun?"

He shakes his head and tries to smile. "No, nothing in particular. It's just as coach Sasabe said — I haven't been training as much as I should have during break."

"I see", Gou replies. "Well, make sure to stay on it from now on, because it's just going to get tougher. We have to make it to regionals as this is our last year, right?"

"Of course", Rei smiles.

It doesn't take a genius to see that Gou doesn't quite buy his excuse, however.

 

* * *

 

Rei settles down between Makoto and Nagisa by their kotatsu, Gou and Haruka on the other side. The only thing heard in the tiny living room is the dialling tone on Skype as they're all eagerly waiting for Rin to pick up. The jackets hanging on the rack out in the hallway are thinner now, as it's the beginning of February, and most of the snow has melted. Rei finds it easier to get out of bed nowadays as it isn't pitch dark in the morning anymore, even though he gets up at half past six in the morning.

Nagisa and Makoto talked things out in relative privacy in Rei's and Makoto's bedroom before they all sat down together, and Rei was glad to hear from Makoto that things had gone much better than even he had expected them to. At the same time, Rei had been confident beforehand that a thing like this wouldn't break up their friendship, but he's still glad things were resolved so soon. Rei knows from previous events that Makoto doesn't deal well with conflicts and confrontations, but it seems he's gotten a lot better at handling them.

"I hope he didn't get our stuff early", Nagisa says, breaking the silence, and Gou laughs.

"No, he would've said anything in that case. Onii-chan is the kind of person who can't wait a day longer to open a gift if he's gotten it early. And he probably would've sent us text messages or something to let us know."

Suddenly, Rin's face pops up on the screen, and he has a ridiculously wide, sharp-toothed grin. "Hey guys", he says, and Rei can tell he's trying to sound casual.

"He's gotten them", Makoto murmurs, making Gou, Nagisa and Rei laugh. Haruka snorts.

"I bet you've opened them, too, huh."

Rin looks offended, but his façade quickly crumbles, and the grin is back faster than it had disappeared. "Shut up, Haru. Thanks, guys — I'm really flattered. And Nagisa, just because it's cold where  _you_ are doesn't mean it is where  _I_ am. I'm in Australia, remember? They don't even know what snow is here. When the hell am I gonna be able to use this super thick sweater?!"

Nagisa pouts. "Keep bragging. I wanted you to have something that'd remind you of home."

When he says it, Rei notices Rin's lower lip quiver ever so slightly, and if the camera quality would've been better, he knows they'd all be able to see Rin's eyes shiny, on the verge of spilling tears. "Nagisa, you idiot", Rin mutters.

"Happy birthday, Rin", Makoto says. "Did you have a good day?"

"I did! Except for the ridiculously hard training, it was good. The guys on my team stood up in the canteen and sang for me, which was embarrassing—"

"—but you liked it anyway", Haruka deadpans, which makes Nagisa and Gou laugh.

"Shut  _up_ , Haru!"

The phone call sadly doesn't last very long, as Rin's friends seem to have arranged for a night out drinking. It feels weird for them to think about the fact that aside from Rin, both Haruka and Makoto will be turning twenty this year and be legal to drink as well. And of course, this is something Nagisa wants to take advantage of.

"We should get you guys drunk next Christmas", Nagisa says with a hint of mischief in his eyes. Rei sighs.

"That's a  _very_ bad idea, Nagisa-kun. I don't want to be responsible for them if they get too intoxicated, thank you very much."

"Who says you have to?"

Gou sighs and rolls her eyes. "Who else is going to? Would you let them take care of themselves?"

"Mako-chan, what do you say?" Nagisa asks the brunet, completely ignoring both Gou and Rei, who exchange exhausted glances. Makoto, on the other hand, just looks uncomfortable at the sudden attention directed towards him, and he smiles awkwardly.

"I'd rather not drink too much, Nagisa. I prefer to be in a state where I can think for and take care of myself and others around me."

Nagisa pouts and leans against his arms on the table. "Boring as always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	35. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei decides on what he wants to do with his future, and the Iwatobi team set their sights on the regional tournament.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written fics and requests like nobody's business this week, you have no idea. If you want to read some of them (yes, of course there are a few MakoRei ones in there), you can do so [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4191630). As of this moment, chapters 2, 5, 9 and 10 are MakoRei, but there are more coming. *wink*

February is packed with swim exercise, as the prefectural tournament is in the beginning of March, and the regional just weeks after. Rei wants to make sure that Kei and Nobuo get to experience swimming at a regional tournament, so he and Gou make sure to have the team train as hard as they can to perfect their times and exchanges whilst sticking to a training regimen that gets more and more difficult.

Whenever they aren't having swim practice, Rei spends most of his time studying for finals and worrying about the infamous form he has to fill out and hand in at the end of the month when he talks to Amakata-sensei about his future. The end of the month is also when most people are going to start applying for universities and colleges all over the country — or even the world. Thinking that big makes Rei think of Rin, who's in Australia training hard to achieve his dream of becoming an Olympic swimmer.

What does he want to do for himself; go big or small? What does he want to do for the rest of his life in order to support himself and Makoto? He's good at maths, but Rei doesn't really see himself working with something maths-related. Biology is a fun subject, too, but the same goes there. Whatever comes to mind still leads to the same thing — he's not sure if he can see himself doing the same thing every day until the day he retires. He also doesn't just want to settle with something he isn't perfectly happy with, which makes his decision process a lot more difficult.

"Well, you're good with kids — why not something that revolves around them?" Nagisa suggests, twirling a pen between his index and middle finger.

Rei shrugs helplessly and leans back against the wall. "I don't know. Yes, I do feel like I have a good hand with them, and I enjoy being around children, but do I want to work with them for the rest of my life? I don't know."

"It doesn't have to be for your entire life, Rei-chan. You can start out with something, and maybe along the way, you'll find something else you think you'd enjoy doing a lot more. My eldest sister started working as a veterinarian because she loved animals, but then she completely changed her mind, went back to school and studied to become a lawyer instead. That's completely different from what she started out with, you know."

He exhales slowly and puts the still unfinished career path form in his bag again, a sense of disappointment once again washing over him like a tidal wave. "I know, but I still don't know what I do want to start out with. And I definitely don't want to waste time trying out different kinds of jobs before I find something I enjoy doing, either."

"Maybe you can do a gap year, then! Just take a year off from studying and go work somewhere that doesn't require much education. Like a supermarket or something, I don't know — but it could actually help you find something you want to do."

"In a supermarket?" Rei asks with mild disgust and a raised eyebrow. Nagisa sighs exasperatedly.

"Don't be like that! Choose a shoe shop or one of the shops down by the beach, I don't know — but at least it gives you something to do while you're still figuring stuff out. And it brings in money."

He has to admit that it's a good idea, and the more he thinks about it, the more he likes the sound of it. Rei has gotten pretty tired of studying, and the stress that comes from it can turn him off from it at times, too. It's happened far too many times that Rei has just completely disregarded homework, essays or studying for a test because he's so unmotivated thanks to stress. And then the day before, he spends the majority of it and even a few hours into the night to finish what he should've finished earlier, making him lose a couple hours of sleep.

"That sounds like a good idea", he replies. "I just hope Amakata-sensei won't be too unhappy with it in case I do decide to go with that."

"Why would she be?"

Rei shrugs. "Do you remember when Haruka-senpai had written 'free' on his form, as for what he wanted to do in the future?"

Nagisa giggles. "Yeah, but that's Haru-chan."

"I know it is, but that's beside the point. I'm saying that she wasn't all that happy with what he'd put down on that form back then, because there wasn't anything sensible written there. And my own future plans most definitely won't pertain to her tastes, I'm sure."

"You won't know until you try! I feel like I've said something similar to you before, back before you and Mako-chan started dating. You've gotta believe in yourself a little more, Rei-chan. Self-confidence is hot, and I'm sure Mako-chan would go for that."

 

* * *

 

Along with the rest of the third years, Rei gets called into his homeroom teacher's office one afternoon after classes have ended. When he walks in, Amakata-sensei is sitting by her desk as usual, and the other teachers thankfully don't pay him any attention as he walks in.

"Welcome, Ryuugazaki-kun. Have a seat", Amakata-sensei says, and she sounds so professional and out of the ordinary from what Rei is used to. Of course, she has to be, because first of all, she's among other teachers. Second... this isn't a regular visit to the office. This is about his future, he knows it and he's terrified of her reaction once he presents her with his form.

He does as he's told, he takes a seat, and takes a deep breath. Amakata-sensei may sound professional and strict, but her face says otherwise. She looks the same way Rei is used to, and he wants it so bad to calm him down if even just a little, but it doesn't.

"I assume you have finished your career path form?" Amakata-sensei says, and of course, she's correct. Otherwise, Rei would have come up with a reason as to why he isn't finished other than ' _I didn't want to finish it because the future scares me_ '.

Oh, how he can relate to Haruka from a year earlier. And oh, how envious he is of Haruka who climbed over this obstacle and got out of this thing that could only be described as hell.

"I have", he says, and now there's no turning back. There's no way for him to postpone this, as he's sitting in front of his homeroom teacher who's going to judge his choice of so-called career path and probably tell him that this won't do, he has to aim higher, he has  _expectations_ to meet.

But whose, besides his own?

A slightly shaky hand belonging to Rei presents the form to Amakata-sensei, and then he awaits her verdict in the relative silence in the room. Maybe it isn't actually silent and he just hears it because he's so nervous. He tries to swallow saliva to lubricate his throat which feels like sandpaper, but it does only so much to help his nervousness. Glancing down at his wristwatch as if that's going to help time move faster, and get him out of there faster. It won't, and it's just another futile attempt at escape.

"Ryuugazaki-kun",  _there it is_ , "are you sure this is what you want to do?"

Is he? Amakata-sensei makes Rei question himself for the sixty-eleventh time this week. "Yes", is an answer he decides will have to do.

Amakata-sensei sighs, and Rei's nightmare continues on. She might just as well point a knife or a gun in his face and threaten him, tell him he needs to aim higher, do better, think more positive thoughts about himself and his future. But if there isn't anything he can think of that would pertain to his interests, why should he aim higher? Why should he do better, when he could do fine instead?

"Your grades are far above average", she begins, and  _here we go again_ , Rei thinks. This isn't the first time he's heard it; he remembers a few years ago when he'd told his parents he didn't want to go in his father's footsteps of becoming a scientist. Sure, he's always found physics and biology interesting, but that's it. It's never been more than just a little hobby of his, and now that he's forced to pick a path for himself and has landed on the answer written on his career path form, it isn't enough. It never is.

"Isn't there anything you want to do? Maybe you could pursue a career within swimming. Or if you would want to go back into track and gymnastics—"

"I don't", he involuntarily interrupts his teacher, and clears his throat, starting over. It's not her fault, this is her duty as his homeroom teacher. To care, or at least pretend to. "I have tried to come up with something I might enjoy doing, but I can't."  _I'm too burned out and tired of school to think of something I would enjoy studying for an additional four years_ , is a thought that never makes it past Rei's lips.

What happened to him? He used to think school was fun, interesting, that learning was the most enjoyable thing in life. Now, all he wants is to graduate high school so he can find a job that won't require for him to have further education, and work with whatever that would be for who knows how long. Who knows how long his school-tiredness will last, what if he never recovers from it? He's heard horror stories of those who don't, and he doesn't find it too unlikely for himself to fall into that category. It's still a little too soon to determine such a thing, and he's supposed to at least try and be a little optimistic about his future.

"Alright", Amakata-sensei replies, as if she still refuses to accept his choice. It isn't really any of her business as she isn't a relative or someone who would be directly affected by his choices. But at the same time, she  _is_ Rei's homeroom teacher, and she's supposed to at least pretend to care about what he does with his life. At least until he graduates, and it won't be too long until he does. "I just think you have a lot of potential that could be put to good use. But I do understand that school can tire you out, and if so, then maybe a gap year might be the best option for you."

Rei blinks in surprise and confusion, thinking she would've been a  _little_ more strict. But as he'd heard from Makoto, she apparently hadn't been too harsh on Haruka when he'd written down ' _free_ ' on his career path form a year earlier. Maybe Rei shouldn't have assumed things just like that, and just gone in there with a neutral mindset. At least that would've made this thing easier to sit through.

Their talk doesn't last that much longer, as Amakata-sensei doesn't need to give him any advice as far as college or university applications go. All she does is give him a few tips on job hunting, and then he's sent on his way. A sigh rushes out of his lungs as soon as Rei closes the door behind him, and he steers his feet towards the classroom again.

 

* * *

 

When the university and college hype is amongst them, Rei thankfully doesn't feel any of it and is able to somewhat focus on his studies and the last few sessions of swim practice they have before the prefectural tournament. It'll be the second one he gets to experience, and probably last, too. He remembers the reason as to why they didn't compete last year, and is almost immediately filled with a bitter regret; old, ugly feelings surfacing yet again. Although he wouldn't have sacrificed his relationship with Makoto just for the sake of the previous third years getting to experience their last prefectural and maybe even regional tournament, Haruka might be of a different opinion.

The last two weeks before prefecturals, Makoto and Rei barely see each other at all, despite living in the same apartment. Rei spends his afternoons and evenings at swim practice, and sometimes ends up having dinner at Nagisa's place. Makoto tells him he doesn't need to worry, and that he often spends his evenings with Haruka or his friends from Gakudai. It feels strange, as if they've grown distant somehow, but Rei knows it's just a temporary thing. They still live under the same roof, and that gives Rei enough comfort not to worry too much.

On Thursday night, five days before the prefectural tournament, they go to bed together for once. Rei rests his head on Makoto's chest, listening to the beat of his heart, and it helps to make him even more tired than he already is.

"Rei?"

"Yes?" he replies, a little drowsy.

Makoto slowly runs his fingers through Rei's hair. "Are you sure you don't want us to come to prefecturals on Monday?"

"I am. As the team captain, I will do my best to make sure we go further, that we reach the regional tournament."

"Okay."

The  _what if_ is left out, but Rei clearly notices Makoto wants to ask. He's thought about it a few times, too, considering how their practice race against Samezuka had gone. What if they're still not good enough to compete against other schools from Tottori? Sure, Rei thinks they've vastly improved in the last two months — but that doesn't mean they are, when it comes down to their race times. They're not the best high school team in Japan, far from it, but Rei hopes that they'll at least have a good chance at making it to regionals.

"We should probably sleep, huh", Makoto mumbles, sleepiness having finally grabbed a hold of him as well. Rei hums, sitting up a little so he can give his boyfriend a goodnight kiss, at least.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, aren't those from Kurayoshikita High? They look  _so cool_!"

"I know, right? I bet you they're going to win regionals. They've improved a lot this past year, I've heard."

Rei frowns and tries his best to ignore the girls on the sidewalk as he adjusts the strap of his backpack and walks in front of his team towards their hotel, coach Sasabe and Amakata-sensei close behind them. It doesn't help them to listen to what people say about the other teams.

While he doesn't want to sound negative, he doesn't think people are talking about Iwatobi, because they aren't as popular as some of the other schools from the Tottori prefecture. Even after what they achieved in his first year, they still haven't been able to properly make themselves a famous name, not even in the least bit. But maybe that might be able to put them at an advantage, since people won't have any expectations of them.

They arrive at the hotel, and coach Sasabe checks them in. Nobuo and Kei stand around nervously for a bit, but that's easily fixed by Nagisa who starts a conversation about everything that isn't swimming with them. Rei and Gou decide to join as well, knowing it would probably help to ease the nerves of their younger teammates. Soon enough, they're checked into their rooms, and go up the lift to their designated floor.

"We'll meet down by the reception at six, and then go out somewhere to eat", Rei declares as Sasabe and Amakata-sensei disappear into their rooms. He finds it oddly amusing that they aren't sharing one, but also understands why.

The four of them dissipate into their rooms; Gou into the room she shares with Amakata-sensei and Nobuo and Kei in one room. Rei and Nagisa share one once again, but it isn't as if neither they or anyone else expected anything else. Not that Rei would mind sharing with anyone of the new guys, but he understands they must still feel a little apprehensive about things like that.

"We're finally going to a tournament again", Nagisa says with a sigh as he flops down on one of the single beds.

Rei sets his bag down by the bed that's left, and sits down. It's the same hotel they stayed in two years ago and it brings back fond memories for Rei. His very first tournament in a sport he used to not find beautiful or interesting in the least bit. Two years later and he's the captain of Iwatobi's swim team. Funny how things work out sometimes.

"Are you excited, Nagisa-kun?" he asks, and Nagisa sits up straight again, a shocked expression on his face.

"I am! Aren't  _you_?"

He laughs and puts his hands up in a defensive gesture. "Yes, of course, I was just wondering. It feels a little weird, however, considering the fact that we didn't make it to a tournament last year."

"Yeah." Nagisa's tone turns a little somber, and Rei wonders if he should've brought it up in the first place. "I hope Haru-chan isn't too mad, still. What do you think Mako-chan feels about it?"

Rei shrugs. He hasn't really talked to Makoto about it, so he has no idea whether or not Makoto still mourns the fact that he wasn't able to experience going to even prefecturals during his last year of high school. "I don't know, to be honest. I don't think he's too upset about it, however. It kind of feels like he's properly started to distance himself from competitive swimming now."

"Mako-chan did say he didn't think he was suited for the competitive swimming world, so I can kinda see why he's distancing himself from it", Nagisa adds, and Rei sighs. He lies down on the bed and closes his eyes. They haven't told any of their friends besides Haruka about Makoto's occasional anxiety attacks and the fact that he's on medication now. Sure, they know he's been in therapy for a while, but that's about it. He wants to talk to Nagisa about it, if only to vent his feelings, worries and thoughts, but he feels as if he'd betray Makoto in doing so without his consent.

The team meet up in the lobby downstairs at six and head out to an Italian restaurant downtown. It's a little out of the ordinary, but it's also exciting for that reason. Being together like this with the entire team and spending more time with the first years is nice, but it also reminds Rei of how little time he has left with Nobuo and Kei. Soon enough, he'll have to hand the team over to them, and it's going to be a little emotional. It feels like it wasn't too long ago when Makoto asked him if he wanted to be the new captain, and soon enough, he's going to appoint someone else to be the captain after him.

 

* * *

 

 

After a hotel breakfast, a shower and pep talk with coach Sasabe, the team leave for the venue in which they'll swim for the sake of reaching the regional tournament. Rei feels a little nervous walking inside and seeing all of the people on the stands. One thing that makes it a little easier for him to breathe is the fact that he knows he won't see either Haruka or Makoto up there. Now all he has to do is make sure they make it to regionals, otherwise Haruka and Makoto won't come to that tournament, either. And since he promised them he'd take his team there, he has some expectations to meet.

Their race is at eleven that morning. Aside from the almost too popular Kurayoshikita high school, there's also Toyooka, Izushi, Youka High and of course Samezuka Academy on the lanes closest to Iwatobi. Seeing all teams lined up like this reminds Rei of why he was so jealous in his first year when he'd given up his spot to Rin, and why he was so glad to finally be a part of it the following year. The excitement almost overlaps his nervousness, but he doesn't want to get too ahead of himself just yet. Rei's goal is to beat Kurayoshikita and Samezuka, and he knows that it might get difficult since the former are favourites to reach regionals. So that means he'd have to get Iwatobi there as well, but it isn't as if he's not going to try his best.

Nagisa gets up on the start block as the one to set them off, and the arena goes dead silent. Rei glances at his sides to try and get somewhat of a reading on some of the other swimmers. He's relieved to see that some of them seem a little more nervous than him, and he wonders if they might be first year students. The signal goes off, and he turns his head to see Nagisa dive in perfectly and quickly get himself into third place. Up until just a second ago, you could have heard a single strand of hair fall to the floor, but now, it's bustling with life; cheers, teams chanting and applause. This is the way it's supposed to be. This is competition.

Switching with Kei, Nagisa gets out of the pool and makes the peace sign at Rei and Nobuo, who's next up. Being the last one to swim and eventually — hopefully — bring them victory is a little pressuring, and it makes Rei think about the practice race with Samezuka. Facing Samezuka in prefecturals again doesn't make him feel any better, but he tries his best to ignore it as he gets ready to get up on the start block, Nobuo just about to switch with Kei. They're currently in second place behind Kurayoshikita, closely followed by Samezuka and Izushi, and it's getting close now.

When Nobuo's hands touch the tile, Rei dives in and swims like he's never swum before. Now that he's in the water, he doesn't have the time to look to his sides to try and determine what place he might be in. All he can think about is to swim as fast as he can in order to secure Iwatobi a place in the finals, and then have them reach the regional tournament. His lungs are burning about halfway through, but Rei doesn't care. He's gotten used to this by now, it isn't supposed to be a big deal and he's not going to make a big deal out of it now.

He's completely unaware of his place before he hits the finish and gets his head above water again. When Rei looks up at the scoreboard, he sees that Iwatobi came in second place behind Kurayoshikita, and Izushi has switched place with Samezuka, which means that their friends and rivals at Samezuka won't make it to the regional tournament. Even so, they made it. They're going to regionals. Can they go to nationals, too? Only time, determination and effort will tell.

"Rei-chan, we did it!"

"Rei-senpai, that was  _awesome_!"

Nagisa stretches out a hand to help Rei out of the pool, and when he's on solid ground again, his team members all embrace him. Rei breathes out in relief. "We made it to regionals", he says, and the others laugh. At least now he can tell Makoto and Haruka that they can come watch them in a few days when their new goal is to gain a good enough placement in the regional tournament to hopefully reach and win the nationals. Finally,  _finally_ , things are looking somewhat bright for the remainder of the time he has left with his team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Like a tidal wave". Wow, way to bring back bad memories, huh. (Hint: S1 episodes 4 and 5. Oops.)
> 
> Tottori is the prefecture in which Iwami is, which is the town Iwatobi is based on. So I decided to keep Tottori as it is in this fic just for simplicity's sake.
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	36. Last chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Iwatobi tries to repeat last year's endeavours before Rei has to appoint the new captain of the team, and the third years have to graduate.

The Iwatobi swim team's next stop is the regionals, everyone hoping they might make it to the national tournament as a last achievement for Rei, Nagisa and Gou before they graduate in a month. It's a little tough on the third years to try and balance club activities with studying for exams, so they end up studying together after school on most of the evenings after practice. It usually ends up being at Gou's place, since she usually has the house to herself until late evening when her mother comes back home from work. Rei would have loved to have hosted the study sessions at his and Makoto's apartment in Tokyo, but considering how long of a trip it would be for both Nagisa and Gou to take so often, he eventually refrained from suggesting it.

Once again, Rei ends up not getting to see Makoto as often as he would've liked to. He's glad that it'll all be over when summer comes and they can spend a lot more time together. Summer is also a time when he should probably try and get himself a job, so they won't go completely without money. Well, they still wouldn't since their parents send them money every month, but it would be nice to have some extra. Maybe they could save some up for a trip somewhere. They've planned on going on the spa weekend as soon as both of them are done with school for the year — Rei being done with high school for good — but maybe they could go somewhere else, too. Maybe visit Kengo and his family in Sapporo, even.

After countless hours of tough practice, several reiterations of their regimen and a very close call, Iwatobi land themselves a third place in the regional tournament. Rei and his team barely make it out of the venue after their showers and group talk with coach Sasabe and Amakata-sensei, before he's attack-hugged by his boyfriend just outside.

"M-Makoto, I can't breathe", he says, and Makoto lets him go with a sheepish grin.

"Sorry. But you guys were  _fantastic_ ", he says, Haruka nodding next to him. Rei smiles.

"Thank you."

They introduce the former members to the new ones and make a bit of small-talk before they head out. Thankfully, Makoto and Haruka are allowed to join them for lunch before they have to head back, and that's where they'll have to go their separate ways for now. It feels weird since Makoto's there; Rei is used to going back home with him, but this time, he has to leave Makoto's side to be with his team for the rest of the day before he finally heads back home again.

Having to be apart from Makoto at school this last year certainly feels weird, even though his last year is almost over, he's still too used to having Haruka and Makoto around them wherever they go, to guide him and tell him what to do. Now, he's had to do it all on his own, and it's certainly been a pressure weighing heavily on his shoulders this entire time.

"Rei, you don't seem too happy", Makoto says. "Is something wrong?"

Rei turns to face Makoto, and the two of them slow down to get some privacy from the others before they have to split up. "I'm fine, it's just... I guess I feel a little weird about it all being over soon. And I feel bad that I can't spend as much time with you as I want to."

Makoto shakes his head, and he smiles. "Don't worry about it, we'll be together more often in a little bit. Just make sure to enjoy the time you have left at Iwatobi and with your team. Remember that you have to pick either Shinohara-kun or Yukimura-kun to be the next captain, so spend time with them as much as you can, too, so you know you'll make the right decision."

Holding back a sigh, Rei nods. "I know, I'll do my best. Thank you for coming today, it meant a lot."

The brunet grins. "Sure. And of course, we'll be at nationals, too. You'll do great, I know it."

That night, Rei calls his brother and tells him the good news. Kengo almost screams in excitement, and promises he'll come to see Rei at nationals. It makes him glad to know he'll have some sort of family coming to cheer him on besides the Tachibana's, and makes him feel a little more courageous. They can do this. All of their hard work can't have been all in vain, and considering the fact that both Rei and Nagisa have improved their lap times from last year's national tournament, it only proves further that they might have a chance at winning.

 

* * *

 

Staying at hotels the night before a tournament feels like it's getting more and more of a habit to Rei. He's pretty sure even Kei and Nobuo feel the same way, as they aren't as nervous as last time, which was just over a week ago. Their hotel this time around is less nice than the previous one, but Rei doesn't complain. It's still acceptable, and all he really plans on doing as they come back to their rooms that night is to sleep.

And as if the gods above are mocking him or trying to test his mental strength, Rei finds himself actually being unable to sleep that night. He looks over to Nagisa's bed and sees his best friend sound asleep in his bed, the duvet drawn up over his ears and a peaceful expression on his face. Rei sighs, both in annoyance over the fact that he can't sleep, and over the fact that Nagisa finds it much easier to sleep than he does.

Rei gives up and climbs out of bed, figuring a walk around the block might clear his head a bit. So he gets dressed again and sneaks out of the room as quietly as he can, making sure not to make a clicking sound with the door as it locks behind him.

The hallways are still lit when he walks out, but it's completely quiet. He would've expected at least someone to be up and about, but maybe that's just him wishing there's someone out there crazy enough to still be awake, just like him. Rei makes his way to the lifts, and when he rounds the corner, he sees someone he's pretty sure he's seen before. It's a guy of about the same age as him, he's a little taller but less muscular, and he's got a ridiculous green hair colour with red streaks that reminds Rei of Christmas decorations. When the guy spots him as he walks up to the lifts, he seems to recognise Rei, too.

"Hey, wait... I know you! You're from Iwatobi, right?"

Rei nods slowly, a puzzled frown appearing on his face. "I am. And... I apologise, but where are you from?"

"Kurayoshikita! Man, you guys really put up a fight at prefecturals _and_ regionals."

 _One would've hoped so_ , Rei thinks sarcastically. He doesn't like jumping to conclusions, but in the case of Kurayoshikita, he automatically assumes they're all a bunch of pretentious, privileged students. It would make sense, since the high school itself seems rather prestigious, with rich kids posing on their ads on the internet and the news never shutting up about how good of a school it is. Despite this, Rei isn't jealous. Of course he isn't.

... maybe just a little.

"Likewise", Rei says and smiles stiffly with a tightened jaw, just as one of the lifts arrives. He would've hoped to have shaken off Kurayoshikita after regionals, but as expected, they're a stubborn school with frankly very talented swimmers. It isn't something Rei would even consider admitting to anyone but himself, though.

The two of them get in, and neither of them say anything. Rei doesn't really have anything he wants or needs to say to a student from a rivalling school, so he keeps silent. He wonders if the other guy might be holding back snarky comments, and if that's the case, he's glad they're not being said since he's not too sure he'd be able to hold himself back.

The guy from Kurayoshikita High waves as they go their separate ways, and Rei merely lifts his hand in something that  _definitely_ can't be called a wave, and exits through the main doors. He shoves his hands down the pockets of his hoodie and begins walking down the road with slightly hunched shoulders. It's an area he hasn't been in before, but Rei has a good sense of direction, so he's pretty confident he'll make it back fine. It reminds him of when they'd gone to the more popular parts of Tokyo and Sousuke was supposed to be their guide, but failed miserably and got them lost. Rei smiles to himself at the memory before he starts to jog.

It's not too dark out, but the street lights help to make it even brighter along his way. The city buzz of central Tokyo has started to die down, with very few people walking the streets and not too many cars around. It creates a rather solemn and comfortable kind of atmosphere that Rei seldom gets to experience, so he's glad he gets to right now when he can't sleep and it's the night before the national swimming tournament. He can't believe he's here, even though it's in the same city he lives, it's in a vastly different part and almost feels like a completely different place. Rei hadn't felt too excited about the national tournament taking place in Tokyo, first of all since it was expected, with Tokyo being the capital of Japan, but also because he does live here, sort of.

Even so, the idea of him and his team going to nationals wherever it would be, is exciting. They've been here before and they're here again despite all of their ups and downs over the past year, with Rei, Nagisa and Gou originally having thought they'd need to disband due to them having insufficient club members. The competition this year feels a little stronger compared to last year's, so Rei wonders if they'll be able to pull off the same feat once again. He hopes they'll be able to, but he can't say for certain that they will. At least when it comes to himself and his own abilities.

When he's run around a few of the nearby blocks, Rei decides he should probably head back and try to get some sleep. With him actually being physically tired this time around, he thinks it shouldn't be too hard. So after having returned and taken a shower, Rei crawls into bed and closes his eyes again. He convinces his brain to think of all the things he and Makoto can do during the summer when they're both out of school, and it eventually helps get him to sleep.

 

* * *

 

As expected from a national tournament, the stands in the arena are completely packed with people when the Iwatobi team arrive in their white and blue uniforms with  _Iwatobi_ printed on the back. When they're at a tournament as big as this one, carrying his school's name on his back makes Rei feel extra proud for some reason. The team shed their jackets, trousers and shoes, and head for the stands. Rei has glanced around the stands a few times, but he hasn't seen anyone he recognises. He knows both Haruka and Makoto are supposed to be there despite both of them still having classes, and both Kengo and the Tachibana's are supposed to be there, as well.

Soon enough, the announcer tells them that the first individual race is about to begin, which is butterfly. Rei, Nagisa, Gou and Nobuo all give Kei a few encouraging words before he's off. The air in the arena gets tense as soon as the swimmers have all lined up by the start blocks. Kei fidgets a little, but otherwise his expression looks rather calm and collected. And when the whistle blows, Kei is quickly in the pool and takes an early lead, which makes the entire Iwatobi team cheer, chanting his name. Rei hopes their energy will somehow transmit to Kei and give him the extra energy needed to reach his desired position.

It ends up not being perfect, but Kei ends up in second place and will win a silver medal at the end of the day. Since this is his first national tournament, it has to be pretty big, still. He doesn't show it on his face, however, but it isn't something Rei would've expected from the rather stoic boy.

Following Kei's race, it's Nagisa's turn, and he actually does better than Kei, earning himself a gold medal and a loud cheer from the stands. Rei hears the very loud voices of some people he can only assume are Nagisa's family, possibly his sisters. And when he looks around, he sees two young women holding up a large banner with his name on it, written with colourful pencils on the one kanji of his first name. He smiles at the sight, happy for Nagisa's sake that his family got to see him win first place in an individual national race. After everything that happened last year with Nagisa almost having to quit the swim team because of his poor results in school, Nagisa's really worked hard to earn the right to stay, and this has to prove his family even further why it was a good idea to let him stay. Of course, his test results have improved quite a lot, too, so he's managed to balance it all quite well.

Nobuo looks confident where he stands behind his start block following Nagisa's race, and it makes Rei feel relieved. No matter what he places in this race, Rei knows he'll be proud of his underclassman nevertheless. To participate in a national tournament in your first year is no easy task, and Rei feels like he probably wouldn't have been as calm if he were in Nobuo's shoes right now.

"Ready, set... go!"

The whistle goes off, and the swimmers dive off of the start blocks once again. Nobuo's butterfly stroke is absolutely beautiful; Rei almost feels inferior to him when it comes to his own butterfly stroke. He's fast, his arms reach far and his strokes have gotten a lot better within the past few weeks. It feels a little conceited, but Rei thinks it's partly thanks to the regimen he and Gou have constantly been improving during the year to make them all fit for nationals.

Unfortunately, Nobuo's efforts don't earn him a medal in the end. Rei closes his eyes as he listens to Nobuo's disappointed scream, thinking about how just a few minutes ago, the dark-blond butterfly swimmer had been bubbling with confidence and excitement, only for it to end like this. The hopes of them doing well in their medley relay only grow after seeing his team member in this state. The air still feels heavy when Nobuo returns, despite him saying he's okay, and Rei can tell that the others are trying to see him off with a genuine smile on their faces as he leaves for his freestyle race.

Rei takes a deep breath as he's descended the stairs and walks up to the pool. His breath hitches in his throat when he sees the guy from yesterday evening standing by the start block next to his. He instantly recognises Rei and waves. Rei almost wants to stop walking, but he knows he doesn't have time to do silly things like these, and just keeps walking until he stops behind the fifth start block.

"Fancy this, huh? Can't believe I'm racing  _you_ ", the guy says. Rei doesn't even know his name, but he doesn't really have any plans on fraternising with the enemy, so it's a piece of information he could easily do without. Even so, showing a bit of courtesy is customary at events like these, so he plasters a fake smile onto his face again and faces his neighbour.

"I can't believe it, either", he replies, but in all honesty, he had kind of expected it with the kind of luck he usually has. It isn't really like him to be like this towards people he doesn't know all too well, but he guesses this all boils down to him feeling competitive, and annoyed by the fact that Kurayoshikita seem so difficult to shake off. They made it through prefecturals, regionals and are now at nationals alongside Iwatobi and other schools that made it through the tough elimination rounds leading up to the final event.

"Swimmers, get on your positions."

Finally, a reason for him to not have to continue this worthless small-talk with the person next to him. Rei gets up on the start block and gets in position to dive off. He doesn't recognise the swimmer on the Samezuka team swimming freestyle, so he guesses it has to be a first-year student. He wonders whom will take over after Aiichirou when he has to retire from the team. Not that Rei would recognise most of the names on their quite large team, but he does know some of them. Maybe one of them would become the new captain?

When the whistle blows for the fourth time that day, Rei dives off the start block, immediately feeling like his hard work at trying to perfect his start has paid off. He surfaces and begins crawling as fast and efficiently as he can, not really being able to focus on anything but himself at the moment. He feels like maybe it's for the best, because if he were to see someone in the lane next to his, he'd probably lose focus and end up slowing down. His hands carve through the water, creating openings for him, taking him forward. It almost feels like the water's embracing him, and Rei understands that maybe this is what Haruka experiences so often when being in water.

When he kicks off the tile wall, suddenly his hearing is restored and he hears the muffled sounds of people cheering. He thinks he hears his name, but he could very well be wrong. Rei is on his last lap, and he feels his lungs almost giving out. He doesn't have long to go now, just a little more, and—

The applause and screaming voices are so loud when Rei surfaces again to look up at the board. His eyes immediately fall down to second place, which spells out his own name, and he doesn't know whether to be happy or disappointed, so he just stares up at the scoreboard with a blank expression on his face for a few seconds before climbing out of the pool. Maybe he should be glad, though; it could definitely be worse. But the fact that it could also be better is the thing that ends up sticking to his mind even after he's showered and gone back up onto the stands, where his team greet him and congratulate him for ending up in second place. There's a little bit of a break now before the medley relay, so the team decide to try and find the people they know and chat with them for a bit.

 **You** :  _Are you and Haruka-senpai here? We would like to meet you for a bit before the next race_.

Rei puts his phone back into his pocket. Gou nudges him in the side, and he turns to face her.

"You don't seem too happy about a silver medal, Rei-kun."

He shrugs and tries smiling. "It feels a little frustrating that I wasn't able to get in first place, but I guess I should be happy that I at least got second."

"But you aren't."

"I don't know. I just can't help but think that my bad luck will transfer to our medley relay."

She smacks him on the arm and sighs exasperatedly. "Believe a little more in yourself! Jeez, Rei-kun — you seem to have forgotten the journey you've made to get here. I mean, yes — we came to nationals last year, too, but this is  _your_ team.  _You_ took us here, and that's definitely something I want you to be proud of."

This time, Rei's smile is a genuine one, and he leans his head on Gou's for a second. "Thank you. I couldn't have done any of this without you and Nagisa-kun, though. The manager is the glue that keeps our team together, after all."

Gou waves him off dismissively, but she smiles anyway. "If you weren't already dating Makoto-senpai, I would've thought you were flirting with me the way you're talking right now."

"Rei!"

He turns his head to the side to see his boyfriend waving at him, and Rei's smile widens as he waves back. By his side, Makoto has Haru and even Kengo, who runs up and hugs his younger brother. "Congratulations on second place!" he exclaims.

"Thank you. And... thank you for coming, I'm really glad you did."

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't have missed this for the _world_! It feels so strange to watch you swim when you used to be all about gymnastics in your younger years. But I have to admit that this sport seems to suit you better. You seem a little more at home in the water, for some reason."

 _Funny that_ , Rei thinks, remembering what Sera Tadanori had told him a year earlier when he'd been offered to come back to the track team, and Sera had said the exact opposite. Maybe if he were there to see Rei now, he would've been of a different opinion, but he's probably studying at some university far away from both Tottori and Tokyo. Kengo's comment also makes Rei think of that one time Haruka told him that the water probably hated him, and that's the reason as to why he was unable to swim back then. A lot of things have changed in the past two years, and Rei realises that Gou is right — he  _should_ be proud of the journey he's taken so far, whether t puts a medal around his neck or not.

A signal goes off, and people almost immediately start to disperse, swimmers returning down to the pool area. Rei looks up at the huge clock on the wall and realises it's almost time for their medley relay. Just as he's said a quick goodbye to his friends and family, he hears Makoto yelling something about having a "surprise" for all of them for later, but he doesn't pay much mind to it as he makes his way down the stairs to meet up with his team again. They've all been going their separate ways to find friends and family to talk to during the break, and Rei hopes that this little break they've gotten will be enough to give them the strength needed to prevail in the upcoming race.

" _Men's freestyle medley relay, 400 metres. Get on your marks_."

"Good luck, Kei-chan!" Nagisa hisses behind Kei, who turns around and offers a curt nod. Rei doesn't know whether his younger team member is nervous or just concentrated; either way, his facial expression doesn't give away any kind of clue, but Rei hopes he'll do fine despite the massive pressure coming from the stands all around them. The arena goes silent for the last time of the day, and Rei swallows hard, hearing his heartbeat loudly in his ears. 

"Get set—" Rei's previously closed eyes suddenly snap open, and it's so _bright_ all around him "—go!"

Kei dives in, and the big arena explodes in loud cheers. Swimmers from all over the country are cheering their teammates on, getting ready for their own turn. Next up for Iwatobi is Nagisa, and he puts his goggles on before taking a deep breath.

"Good luck, Nagisa-senpai", Nobuo says in front of Rei, and Rei joins in as well, reaching forward to pat his best friend on the shoulder. "We've got this."

"Yeah."

Kei switches with Nagisa, who soon enough switches with Nobuo, and Rei is the last member behind the start block. He remembers when up until last year, he used to be in the next to last spot, and it isn't until now that he's had to realise just how much pressure that puts on you as being the last one to properly give your team a chance at winning the race. This used to be Haruka's duty, and he almost always pulled through, giving them victory. No matter how many times Rei tells himself that there isn't much more he can do than his best, it still doesn't give him the comfort and confidence that says he'll be able to take first place and give his high school reason to continue being proud of them.

No. No matter what place they end up in, Rei has to be proud of the effort they've made in the past year. They managed to scout two new members, train them until they greatly improved and almost got better than their seniors. They've managed to beat many schools in coming this far, and that isn't an easy feat in and of itself. So Rei keeps his head held high as he watches Nobuo approach the end of his lap, giving the torch over to him.

"Rei-senpai!" Nobuo bellows as his head comes above water again, and Rei immediately dives in without hesitating. Because even if his heart feels like it's going to explode, he'll still do his best. Even if he screws up, he's still done the best he could, and there won't be anything else he can do. It may be his last endeavour as the Iwatobi's swim team captain, but even if they don't win, having made it to nationals is good, too.

... right?

Every time he surfaces, Rei gets a small glimpse of the swimmers on either side of him, with Kurayoshikita to his right and Samezuka to his left. His two greatest rivals that Rei is set on beating, and he focuses on his front crawl, making sure he doesn't fall behind. Rei does his best to keep his speed up even though he's already starting to get tired just as he's made the turn and is on the home stretch. His lungs are burning again, and he needs to properly get up for air but can't until he's finished the race. It isn't much left to go now.

Thirty metres... he hears someone screaming his name, but it might just be his imagination. How would he be able to hear them among everyone else screaming around him? It's obviously just his own mind playing tricks on him, maybe to set him off-track.

Twenty metres... the muscles in his arms are aching. He can't wait to get into the shower after this and put his clothes back on. Right now, Rei doesn't want to be back in a pool for a very, very long time.

Ten. Five. Three—

His fingertips hit the tile first, and when his palms hit, he puts his feet down on the ground and looks up at the scoreboard. In the corner of his eye, he sees Nitori pull his swim cap off of his head in frustration. He doesn't dare trying to glance in the direction of Kurayoshikita. The last Youka High swimmer has already gotten out of the pool. Rei looks for Iwatobi's name up on the board, and when he sees it, his heart stops.

" _First place, Iwatobi High School from Tottori prefecture_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http:/radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	37. Emancipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to let go. Rei, Nagisa, and Gou graduate.

Rei is still in shock when his team members all hug him, as Nagisa and Gou both cry. The entire arena is still buzzing with people cheering for them, congratulating them for winning the national swimming tournament. It's so unreal, it's an almost completely different sensation from last year's national tournament. Maybe it's because this time, Rei has taken big part in taking them there, instead of just being one who was taken there himself. All of their hard work finally paid off, and they've managed to win themselves a trophy to add to the growing trophy collection at ITSC.

The boys are still cheering and celebrating when in the shower, and when they come out, it doesn't stop there. Their families come to greet them, and everyone kind of splits up to celebrate the victory with them before the prize ceremony. When Rei is hugged by his brother, he sees a very familiar red-haired figure approach them behind Makoto, and his eyes widen. He turns to the side and looks for Gou.

"Gou-san, I think—"

"Way to ruin the surprise, Rei", Rin says as he walks up to him with a wide grin all over his face. Rei almost feels like his jaw drops. He breaks into a laugh when suddenly, Gou jumps her brother from behind, hugging him tightly.

"Why didn't you  _say_ anything, onii-chan?!"

Rin sighs exasperatedly, but still smiles. "Because then it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"Are you even allowed to be here, though?"

"I have a week off. Don't wanna overexert myself, you know. Besides, I wanted to see the national tournament! Guess I'm a little torn, though — I feel bad for Ai since they didn't win. But I'm also glad you managed to take your team the entire way, Rei."

Rei smiles back and shakes his head. "Thank you. But yes, I understand you. Have you talked to Nitori-kun?"

"I have. Poor kid won't stop beating himself up over this. I think I should go back and talk to him a little more, whack some sense and confidence into him. I'll see you guys tonight in Iwatobi. Tachibana's place, right?"

Makoto nods before Rin leaves, and Rei turns to face his boyfriend with a quizzing look.

"Your parents' house?"

"They offered for us to hold the after-party there. Yukimura-kun and Shinohara-kun are more than welcome to join, too, so you can tell them to come as well."

"Will you be able to fit so many people there?"

The taller brunet waves him off and laughs. "Sure! Ran and Ren aren't too happy about it, but they're supposed to be at our grandparents' house for the night, and my parents aren't going to be there for long. So it'll be fine. I told them I didn't want to have them do everything for us, but as usual, they wouldn't budge. So as a result, we're having it at my parents' house."

Rei lets out a  _huh_ and raises his eyebrows. "Okay, well as long as they're okay with it, I suppose."

The team go and take a shower and get changed, and then the prize ceremony is about to start. There's a podium for the top three placings, and there are banners representing all of the high schools having participated in nationals hanging on the stands. Seeing Iwatobi amongst all of them fills Rei with a sense of pride as they start with individual races. Nagisa gets called up and grins proudly while he holds up his gold medal, and Rei can't help but smile, too. When it's Kei's turn, his usually stoic expression has turned a little more soft, a very small smile gracing his lips as he holds his silver medal in his right hand, the band hanging around his neck.

Rei is presented with his silver medal, and this time, he actually feels proud. Having previously been unsure of whether to be disappointed or the opposite, he's finally landed on being proud of his efforts, even if they didn't get him to the very top. His team still managed to win the medley relay, and that's the most important thing that came out of this tournament. It's the last thing he'll do for and with team Iwatobi, and it's a bitter sweet feeling.

The individual prize ceremony ends not too long after, and they proceed to the relays, team Iwatobi in first place, Samezuka in second and surprisingly enough, Youka High in third. Had it been two hours earlier, Rei probably wouldn't have been able to keep his laughter to himself. But now, he doesn't feel a thing except for a little sad for Samezuka's sake.

He knows Aiichirou has fought at least as hard as they have to get this far, and for them to not get to the top has to be incredibly frustrating for the Samezuka captain. Rei wants to comfort Aiichirou, but knows it would probably just be like rubbing salt in his wounds, so he tells himself not to. Maybe he'll just send the other boy a text message later and at least congratulate them on winning second place.

When they're holding their trophy up for the arena to see, the cheering is deafening and the camera lights almost blinding; people have come to take pictures of this event to probably have in their school papers for the next day. It had happened last year when Iwatobi won, and they had been on the cover not only on their own school's newspaper, but other schools papers as well.

 

* * *

 

With the ceremony all over and done with, they head back to the hotel to get their things before they're free to go, Sasabe offering the first years a ride back to Iwatobi with him. They say goodbye to them before the others, who are heading to the 'party' at Makoto's family's house, walk to the train station.

"Good job today, Rei — I knew you could do it", Haruka says, eyes soft and his lips curved up in a tiny smile, which makes Rei's heart grow three sizes. He turns to face his former senior properly, and he smiles.

"Thank you, Haruka-senpai, but it wasn't just my effort that took us this far. It's thanks to everyone else, as well."

"Aww, Rei-chan — don't be so modest", Nagisa coos, nudging him teasingly in the side, upon where he glares at his best friend. But he isn't really irritated, just a bit embarrassed at the attention he's getting all of a sudden. But it really _isn't_ just thanks to him; he definitely couldn't have done any of this had he not had the help and support from his friends and teammates.

Rin joins them at the train station, and they all take the train back to Iwatobi, the ride taking just over an hour and a half. On the way, they talk about all sorts of things; about what they have planned for the summer, and about Gou's, Nagisa's and Rei's plans from here on out as they will be graduating in just about two weeks. Gou is going to be working all summer at a local supermarket, but Rei still doesn't know what he's going to do. Lucky Nagisa got a summer internship at his sister's office, so he'll probably be busy until he starts university this coming autumn, where he'll study to become a veterinarian.

To be honest, he's kind of been avoiding the whole thing with having to look for a job, as well as not really having had time to think about it with all of the swim practice and exams he's had his hands full with lately. And not to sound too confident, but Rei feels like he might have a pretty good chance at getting a job either in retail or in a shop or supermarket of sorts, since he could go for either Iwatobi or somewhere in Tokyo. And his grades aren't  _awful_ , so there must be some place that wants him despite having only graduated from high school.

The Tachibana house is empty when they arrive, as had been promised. Having been here so many times, Rin, Nagisa and Haru are all quick to make themselves at home in their own ways. Gou tentatively stands by in the hallway for a bit before she follows Rei and Makoto in and sits with them by the kotatsu. She smiles a little.

"I think this is the first time I'm at your house. Well, your  _family's_ house", she says to Makoto, who looks back at her in mild shock.

"Wait, really? Oh, I didn't even realise... I guess it's because we always met at Haru's place, huh."

"Rei."

A voice calls him from the side, and Rei turns to face Haruka. "Yes?"

"How did your meeting go with Amakata-sensei?" Rei's smile falters a bit, and he looks down at his hands, upon which Haruka hurriedly speaks up again. "Don't feel pressured to talk about it, I was just asking. In case you had decided on something."

He shakes his head. "It's okay. I... actually want to take a year off from studying. A gap year, if you will. So I plan on getting a job somewhere, and then pick up studying again next year instead. I guess... I just got tired of studying. I feel like I wouldn't be able to perform at my best if I were to continue straight away."

Haruka nods slowly. "Okay. Completely understandable. Oh, speaking of that, do you think you would be interested in baking?"

Rei raises an eyebrow in surprise. It's not something he's thought about before, because he's never actually been one for baking in general. Cooking, sure — Rei considers himself at least average when it comes to his skills in the kitchen and as far as putting edible food on the table. But as far as baking goes, he's never really given it much thought. It does sound fun, though, and if he were to receive some basic training in it, he could probably see himself do such a thing for a living. Well, at least for a while, probably not his entire life.

"I... think so, yes. Why do you ask?"

"I have a relative who owns a bakery very close to where you and Makoto live, actually. It's been around for a while, too, so you can look it up if you want, it's called La Campagne, and it's located somewhere not too far from Kokubunji station. They're running low on staff, so I thought I'd ask. If you want to, that is. They'd initially asked me if I wanted to work for them, but I can't because of training and studies, but they said to ask around, so... yeah."

His eyes widen, and Rei can't help but break into a wide smile. "Oh, wow, Haruka-senpai, I... I don't know what to say. That would be such an honour; I would love to. Do you think I could just walk in there and see if I could find someone to talk to?"

The raven-haired boy shrugs. "Probably. I think they'd prefer that. Shows you're interested."

"Ah, alright. Well, I'll definitely look them up and go talk to them. Thank you so much, Haruka-senpai!"

He receives a dismissive wave as a response, but from Makoto's lessons in 'how to read Haruka', he guesses that his senior's just a little embarrassed, and he lets it go with a laugh.

Rei goes out to help Makoto take out the drinks and snacks Jun and Yuiko had bought for them, once again being almost  _too_ generous. As they bring it out to the others, Rin complains that there's too little alcohol and that they should start living up a little, to which Nagisa wholeheartedly agrees. Rei just shakes his head, smiling. He still can't believe Rin came all the way back home from Australia just to watch Samezuka and Iwatobi in the national tournament; it would've been a perfect prank for him to pull on them over Skype, telling them he'd come and then not show up. But to actually show up without having said anything is definitely a far better 'prank' — or rather,  _surprise_  — than the one Rei thought of.

The evening proceeds in a lively and friendly manner. Rei gets to talk even more to Haruka than he's done before whenever they've met since everything happened half a year earlier. In general, Rei just gets to hang out with his friends in an environment that doesn't remind them of school, swimming or anything else that would've normally bound them together, and it's very refreshing. It lets him see his friends in a somewhat new light, and he feels like it also strengthens their friendships. It's especially refreshing to see that Gou and Rin have such a wonderful sibling relationship, and Rei wishes to one day achieve the same thing with his own brother, despite living hundreds of miles apart.

He's so busy having fun and talking to his friends that he doesn't even notice Makoto disappearing for a few minutes but then coming back. As he does, Makoto gives him a certain look, and he frowns a little in confusion, not knowing how to take it. It doesn't take long for his boyfriend to text him from halfway across the room, and when Rei reads the message, he immediately understands, and it relieves him.

 **Makoto** :

_Remembered to go take my meds for once. Be proud of me?_

Rei looks at his boyfriend and smiles before he send off his reply. It feels strange, because they're sitting not too far away from each other, but they're still sending texts back and forth. He does understand why, though, and he definitely doesn't want to pressure Makoto into telling the others, since it'd been stressful enough to tell his parents, even if it was over the phone.

 **You** :

_I am proud of you, of course. I love you._

This time, when Makoto receives his text, he breaks out into a wide smile and mouths a ' _I love you, too_ '.

"Oi, lovebirds — we're still here", Rin comments, and Nagisa laughs, the two of them doing a high-five. Makoto sighs, but his smile remains.

 

* * *

 

"Promise to be back again soon, Rin-chan", Nagisa says, and it reminds Rei of when they saw Rin off before he went to Australia the first time. This time, however, there are no tears. Not even from Rin, whom Sousuke had so lovingly called a 'big, dumb crybaby with shark teeth'. Rin nods at his friend and ruffles his hair.

"I'll be back in summer; I'm allowed to come back home for a few weeks under the stipulation that I still work out so I won't get out of shape. So I'm expecting Haru to race me every now and then."

Haruka rolls his eyes. "As long as I get to swim. But I  _will_ beat you, Rin, just be prepared for that."

Rin snorts. "We'll see about that. Nagisa, Rei, Gou... I'm sorry I can't be here when you guys graduate. We'll have to do a Skype call again when you're back from all the partying."

Nagisa giggles. "Of course we have to. No, we  _will_ , I'll make sure to bug everyone else about it."

"Good. I'm counting on you, Nagisa. Gou, get over here — I need to say goodbye to you, too."

The redhead says goodbye to Nagisa and his sister, who are the only people staying in Iwatobi, while the rest are heading for Tokyo. Rin is going over to Sousuke's apartment in Nakano for the night before he goes to the airport early morning to head back to Australia, so eventually — both Rei and Makoto will have to say goodbye to Rin, too, before they get off the train in Kokubunji, two stations before Haruka's, where the two of them will have to say goodbye, too.

It feels so odd that things are starting to change between them all once again. Last year, it had been because Rin, Haruka and Makoto were graduating, but this time, it's just about time for Rei, Nagisa and Gou to do the same thing, and they'll be even further apart. Rei feels conflicted; while he's sure he'll do the best he can to stay in touch with his friends, he's also terrified that it might not work out very well.

Because who can tell what their futures have in store for them? Anything could happen, and that's the scary part. He's already gotten a taste of what it's like when he can't see Makoto all the time despite  _living_ with him, and he certainly hasn't liked it one bit. So what's it going to be like when he can no longer talk to and meet Nagisa and Gou like he can now?

"Rei, don't forget about the pastry shop", Haruka reminds him just as he and Makoto are about to get off. Rei turns around and nods with a smile.

"I won't. I'll go over there as soon as I can after graduation and talk to them. Should I tell them I heard about them from you?"

"Probably for the best, yeah. Good luck."

"Thank you. We will talk to you soon, Rin-san."

Rin shoots him a wide grin. "Of course! Take care on your way home."

"We will", Makoto fills in and takes Rei's hand. "See you soon."

The two of them get off and start walking back home in the chilly air of Kokubunji. It's getting warmer, though, which is a good thing, because Rei has absolutely had enough of the cold weather, the whole thing with having to wear such thick clothing and several layers of it just to make sure he doesn't freeze to death. He vows to himself to never again complain about it being too hot outside, when it could be the opposite instead.

Having showered and gotten ready for bed, Rei hangs his medals up on one of the hangers in their room, stands back and looks at them. Makoto soon joins him, two arms wrapping around Rei's middle and resting his chin on Rei's shoulder.

"I'm so proud of you, Rei", Makoto murmurs. "I remember how you were so unsure of whether you'd be able to take on the role as the captain, but look what happened. You took your team to nationals, and you won."

"I... I guess I did", he says, and Makoto laughs.

"I hope you're proud of yourself for this, too. I would be. And I was, when we got there last year, too. It wasn't easy, I remember that much."

Rei smiles and leans his head against Makoto's for a second. "I know. I... I am proud. And no, it wasn't easy, but it was well worth the struggle. I feel like it made me grow as a person, having that kind of responsibility, even though it intimidated me at first. It's been fun, but... it's over now. I have to appoint the new captain on Monday as that's our last time together before Nagisa-kun, Gou-san and I have to retire, and then we graduate not too long after that."

"Are you excited to graduate?"

The bespectacled boy nods, but he still feels a little down about it. "Yes. It's going to be sad leaving Iwatobi High behind, but I'll make sure to visit, to see how the swim team is doing after we've left."

Makoto kisses him on the side of the head and laughs. "That's good. Oh, by the way — what did Haru mean by pastry shop earlier? I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but... you weren't really being subtle, in case it was supposed to be a secret."

"Oh, that", Rei says, completely forgetting that Makoto hadn't taken part in the conversation he had with Haruka. "No, it isn't anything secret; Haruka-senpai told me he has a relative who owns a pastry shop here in Kokubunji, and asked if I was interested in maybe working for them. So I said I'd go there and talk to them, to see if maybe I could get a job there."

"Really?!" Makoto asks and grabs his shoulders to turn him around. "That's amazing, Rei!"

He shakes his head, smiling. "Nothing is set in stone, though; I haven't even talked to them yet. I'm going to go and talk to them after graduation, and we'll see how things go from there. But I hope for the best; it sounds fun, albeit a bit of a challenge."

"I think it could be fun. It  _sounds_ fun. I bet you'd get to eat a lot of sweet pastries at work, too", Makoto says, and he sounds envious, which makes Rei laugh.

 

* * *

 

After having had a long discussion over Skype that weekend with Nagisa and Gou, Rei has finally come to a decision on whom to give the captain role to. He feels oddly nervous about announcing it, but also excited. He feels confident that Kei and Nobuo will be able to gather sufficient members to keep the club alive, and for them to continue going to and winning tournaments. It's going to be weird not being part of it anymore, as he's been a part of the Iwatobi swim team for three years now, but at the same time, Rei is more than eager to pass the legacy on and move forward with his life.

Exams are all done and over with, people have started submitting their university applications and it's very evident that graduation is just around the corner. People have started cleaning out their lockers and desks, and seeing it happen to Rei himself and his class feels weird. He's seen it happen to others twice before, but now it's his turn. He and his friends are graduating high school and are being thrown out into the adult world soon, and it's beyond daunting. Especially for Rei, who isn't going to continue studying immediately, at least putting it off for a year.

The club's storage room is tidied up, every note that's been put up on the walls by Gou — previous regimens, general reminders and such — has been taken down, and it looks just like it did last year when they'd cleaned it up before graduation, and it looks the same way it did when Rei had just joined the club. It feels weird to sit in there now, with the bare walls surrounding them, the eerie echo that bounces off of the walls when either of the five of them speak. Even though they're five, it sounds like it's just one person sitting in there all by themselves, and it's so strange, so melancholic, but in a way, it's also kind of exciting.

It's exciting in the way that the now empty storage room shows them there's potential for it all to be built back up again, for the Iwatobi swim club to once again have enough members for them to be able to do club activities, plan training camps, train for and win tournaments, to grow not only as swimmers but as people. Rei has experienced an immense amount of both of those growths in his three years here, and although he's sad that he'll no longer be part of what's to happen in this club from now on, he feels confident that he's leaving it in good hands, and that they'll continue to succeed even without Gou, Nagisa and Rei.

Rei clears his throat and stands up, the folding chair squeaking a bit as he does so. The others are still sitting down, looking up at him expectantly, and he takes a deep breath. "I have come to a decision when it comes to who I want to take over the club after me. Of course, I want the both of you — Kei-kun, Nobuo-kun — to take care of this club together. But as for the _official_ captain of this team, I have come to decide that I want to entrust it to you, Nobuo-kun."

Nobuo's eyes widen, and his eyebrows skyrocket in surprise. "Really? Wait,  _me_? Why... why me?"

Rei smiles. "You've shown an immense amount of growth this past year—"

"You're like Rei-chan was", Nagisa pipes up, interrupting the bespectacled boy, who glares back at his friend. Gou giggles, but she doesn't say anything. "When Rei-chan joined us—"

"When Nagisa-kun  _forced_ me to join—"

"—he couldn't swim. He sank like a rock, but we didn't give up.  _He_ didn't give up, either. I think Rei-chan sees himself in you."

Rei blushes and frowns. "Nagisa-kun, it's rude to interrupt people. Please let me finish. I want for someone like you to take over, because I have faith that you will be able to take this forward. Continue what we did this year, so to speak. And I want you, Kei-kun, to help him."

"Of course", Kei replies, nodding with a serious expression on his face. Rei feels strangely emotional, almost on the verge of tears, and he swallows hard.

"Thank you for this year. I feel bad that we only had this year together, but I will come back and visit to see how you are doing."

"Me too!" Gou and Nagisa say in unison, both laughing. Nobuo and Kei exchange glances, and then Nobuo grins.

"I would be honoured. Thank you, Rei-senpai — I won't disappoint you. Promise."

And that's all he wanted to hear. To confirm the belief that the club will be in safe hands for yet another year.

 

* * *

 

The cherry trees are in full bloom still when the third years at Iwatobi High stand on the school yard in front of their families and friends, and it's the day of their graduation. His tie feels almost like a noose, slightly suffocating and like something that just binds him to this school, these duties. Soon enough, he'll be able to take it off for good, never to wear it again, and things will be so different. When he wakes up tomorrow, Rei will no longer be a high school student, but a high school  _graduate_ , free to do as he wish — or at least go as far as his grades take him.

One by one, the students are called up to receive their diploma from the principal, each student receiving applause in doing so. Being applauded for their hard efforts this past year, congratulated on finishing three years of high school filled with studies and club activities that have made them friendships that'll last for quite some time. Rei is forever grateful for having attended this high school, because it led him to meet Nagisa, Haruka, and Makoto, whom he then went on to start dating and live together with.

Through them, Rei ended up also meeting Rin, who taught him to swim and taught him to grow even more as a person. Many people disagree with the idea that high school are the best three years of your life, but Rei actually agrees with it. Because these years have truly been the best of his life.

With a diploma in his hand, a certificate of the fact that he's attended and graduated from Iwatobi High School, Rei walks out of the gates of said school for the last time as a student, arm in arm with his two best friends Gou and Nagisa, and he finally,  _finally_ , understands the meaning of freedom. Not to say that he's ever felt bound by shackles to this school, but with this new freedom he's been given, he's able to take all that he's learnt here and take it other places. And wherever he does end up, only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had trntbl.me on shuffle for my blog when I was writing this chapter, and [this](http://miharu04.tumblr.com/post/99235247119/oh-my-god-its-beautiful-source) played. No lie, I cried a little. Very bad timing.
> 
> Next chapter is the end of the second arc! More info in the notes on that chapter as for what's coming next. Yes, there's more coming.
> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	38. Spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's finally time to put their joint birthday gift to use — Makoto and Rei spend a weekend in Chuo prefecture at the Mandarin Oriental. The twins come for a visit, and Haru once again competes for the Japanese national team, aiming for the Olympic trials.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter, but I guess that's to be expected since this is the last chapter of the second arc.

Rei stands by the door, key in the lock and impatiently tapping his foot against the floor. He listens to the hurried shuffling of Makoto's feet, to Makoto talking to himself and asking where things are. Rei can't help but smile to himself despite this, though; it's something he's kind of had to get used to in the time he's dated and lived with Makoto. No matter how much time he has before he has to go somewhere, he always manages to forget something in the last second, and ends up having to look all over the place for it. This time, it's his public transport card. Without it, Makoto will have to pay for a ticket to Kanda station in Chuo prefecture, and that would obviously cost them the money they're trying to save.

With Makoto out of university for the summer, and Rei out of high school for good, they won't be receiving any financial aid, and that cuts out a major part of their monthly income. And depending on when Rei gets himself a job, they'll have to cut down on a lot of things in the meantime, in order to save money and still be able to pay bills and prevent themselves from starving. It's a little scary, but Rei tries to stay optimistic, crossing his fingers that the job at La Campagne becomes his.

"Makoto, we really need to leave, because our train departs in ten minutes", Rei calls into the apartment. "I want to be there as soon as possible so we can check into the hotel and spend as much of the day as possible there."

"I know, I know — I'm sorry! I just found it, I'm coming", Makoto replies, and seconds later, he's out the door with an apologetic smile. He kisses Rei on the top of his head. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd be late and probably get lost", Rei grumbles as he closes and locks the door before he walks after Makoto down the stairs. His boyfriend laughs.

"I love you, too."

Makoto and Rei sprint into a jog to make the train to Kanda station. It's just over half an hour there by train, and then they have to take a ten minute walk from the station to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. This is something Rei has looked forward to ever since the day he and Makoto had gotten the gift card, and it's still a little difficult to believe they're finally going. It's something they both need after a tough year in school, but it's something especially Makoto needs after all he's gone through within just a few short months.

Rei hopes it'll help him relax if even just a little bit. Accompanied with the pills he's finally gotten used to taking, it should at least take  _some_ of the stress off, and decrease his anxiety levels. At least they're out of school now, without any sort of responsibilities, and Makoto has the entire summer to rest.

After having arrived at Kanda station, Rei and Makoto have lunch at Matsuya just outside the south exit before heading towards the hotel. It's pretty much a straight walk, and when they arrive in the enormous lobby, both of them drop their jaws.

"Oh my god", Makoto says automatically. "Is  _this_ where we're staying? Are you sure we've come to the right place?"

Rei looks down at the map he's holding in his hands. "I'm positive. We were supposed to walk from Kanda station, past Matsuya where we had lunch, and then—"

"Rei, that was a rhetorical question, I trust you." When Rei's face turns a bright shade of red, Makoto laughs a little. "This is just... wow. I owe my parents my life after this."

There are glass pane lifts going up all of the thirty-six floors. Elegant crystal chandeliers hang from the ceiling, creating a gorgeous reflection on the bronzed mirror floor. Rei has a hard time believing he's supposed to be staying two nights in a hotel like this. He can't even begin to imagine what their room must look like, if the lobby looks like he's just walked into the royal palace.

They approach the reception counter almost hesitantly, and a lady welcomes them with a smile. "Welcome to the Mandarin Oriental, how may I help you?"

"Hello, er, we— we have a reservation under the name Tachibana", Makoto says, filling in for Rei who seriously doubts his abilities in speaking properly at the moment. The lady nods before looking through her computer for a few seconds, and then she lets out an ' _ah_ '-sound.

"That's right. A deluxe room on the thirty-third floor for you two, sir."

Rei feels his ears burn when she says ' _you two_ ', almost expecting her to sound disgusted or displeased at the fact that two men will be sharing the same room. But there's no such reaction; she's just being friendly and professional as they should be, and he sighs in relief.They're given two keys to their room, sign a few papers, and then they're pointed towards the lifts and told which direction to go when they've exited said lift on the thirty-third floor.

Getting into one of the lifts, Makoto and Rei spend the ride up in stunned silence as they observe their surroundings. Rei has a feeling this is going to be commonplace for them during the two nights they'll be spending here, but that certainly doesn't bother him, rather — it excites him. He feels like he did as a kid before opening his birthday gifts, except maybe ten times more excited. He makes a mental note to for what may be the umpteenth time thank Yuiko and Jun for this surreal gift once they come back home.

Finally arriving on the thirty-third floor, the boyfriends walk through the corridor for a bit before finally reaching the room which number matches the one on their keys. Rei gets the honour of opening the door, and when he's opened it and walks inside, his eyes widen at the sight in front of him. There's a big panoramic window showing them the Tokyo Skytree just outside, as well as a scenic view of the tall skyscrapers around, too. It's very city-esque, and very different from what Kokubunji is like, despite being a part of the huge metropolis that is Tokyo.

Having spent at least ten minutes walking around and making comments about the room as they go, Rei and Makoto place their suitcases at the end of the bed and decide to go out for a walk around the area before they decide on going down to the spa for a massage and then relax in their jacuzzi. They have a pool at the hotel, but Rei knows Makoto's still not ready in the least bit to even go near one. Even so, the jacuzzi is a very good replacement for a pool, since Rei doesn't plan on actually swimming this weekend. It's just the two of them now, without anyone or anything to disturb them, and he plans on just enjoying it as much as he can.

 

* * *

 

"I can't believe this entire jacuzzi is ours."

"Me neither. It's too bad we barely have time to get used to this."

Rei sinks down in the hot water with a sigh of relief. His body feels like jelly after that amazing massage, so being able to just soak in the jacuzzi for a while is going to be the perfect way to end a day during which they haven't really done too much. The most effort they made was when they took the train up to Akihabara and walked around the area, since the area around their hotel didn't offer too much to look at besides tall buildings. Their short visit to Akihabara kind of serves as a preview to what they'll be doing when the twins visit them in the near future, and the next time they do come to central Tokyo, Makoto and Rei will know more about what to do and where to go.

"It's nice, though. I mean, everything about this — you and I finally getting to spend some time together, just the two of us without anyone or anything else disturbing us. Getting away from everything is nice, too, even if it's just for three days."

Rei smiles, as Makoto scoots closer and leans against his shoulder. "I agree. Just imagine what it would've been like, had I stayed in Iwatobi when you were about to move here. Things would've been... so much more difficult. And even though I know I should be grateful for the time I get with you, I still can't... help but think it's not enough. I'm sorry, I must sound so greedy right now."

"No, it's fine", Makoto says and laughs. He takes Rei's hand and intertwines their fingers under the water, before straightening himself and kissing Rei. "I feel the same way, really. And I'll never stop being grateful to you for moving here with me even though you still had to go to Iwatobi High every day. Things worked out, though."

"You're right."

When the water's started to get lukewarm, the two of them get up and change into the nice and soft robes provided by the hotel. When Rei ties the string around his waist, two hands come from behind to stop him, gently taking his wrists. He turns around, only to immediately be kissed.

"Leave it", Makoto mumbles against his lips. "Come to bed, we need to test it to see if it can handle us."

Rei snorts, but is immediately mortified by his boyfriend's boldness. Even so, he can't deny wanting to try their huge king-sized bed for things other than sleeping. And why  _wouldn't_ they seize an opportunity like this when they can, when they're not at home but still have this gigantic room all to themselves for two nights in a row?

So Rei lets Makoto pull him towards the bed, push him down onto it and proceed to make love to him, their bath robes barely having been worn before they're haphazardly discarded on the floor. The sex is slow, passionate, but rough nonetheless. It feels like they haven't had sex in a long time, and maybe it  _has_ been a while — Rei honestly wouldn't know. So many things have happened in the past few weeks that even a thing like this would've gotten lost amidst everything else that's gone on in his head.

He makes sure to memorise it all, as Makoto leans down to kiss his neck whilst thrusting into him. The feeling of Makoto's weight on top of him, how he's being stretched out with each rough thrust, the outline of Makoto's incredible back muscles beneath his fingers. His fingers twist and tangle in the brunet's hair, and moans slip past his lips when he reaches climax. A few moments later, both of them are lying down on their backs, breathing heavily and coming off their post-sex high. Rei takes Makoto's hand in his, interlacing their fingers, and he sighs.

"I'd say this bed passes the test."

Makoto laughs. "Yeah, it does."

They're too lazy to get dressed just to go down and eat dinner, so they end up ordering roomservice instead. Rei vows to himself that they'll only be eating kakitama-jiru for the next couple of weeks as compensation for their frivolous spending on this trip, and for how much they'll probably be spending when Ran and Ren come to visit. The sooner he gets a job, the sooner they can sleep easily, knowing they won't run the risk of getting kicked out of their apartment or going to bed hungry.

When Makoto takes his Zoloft before they go to sleep, it reminds Rei of the fact that despite how good things may seem now and on this trip, it certainly isn't going to magically rid Makoto of his problems. He tries not to react to it, because he knows Makoto still isn't completely okay with taking the pills, but it's difficult. It hurts him to have to see his boyfriend like this, and while he wishes there was something he could do, there isn't anything besides just being there as support. And of course, that just makes him feel like he isn't being as good of a person as Makoto deserves and probably needs.

 

* * *

 

Both feeling well-rested and almost spoiled with not having had to cook, take care of dishes or do any laundry for the past three days, Rei and Makoto return home to Kokubunji. It feels a little strange and empty, but their regular lives have to resume, and they need to take their heads out of the clouds. This trip has definitely helped when it comes to them spending more time together, but it also seems to have done good for Makoto's mental health, taking most worries off of his mind for a bit, no big nightmares or anxiety attacks having occurred. It has taken its time, but it seems the medication has finally started to work a bit on Makoto, and it relieves Rei.

Next up on their agenda is to have the twins over just around the time Haruka has a race with the Japanese national team, and they've promised Ran and Ren that they'll watch the race live on Makoto's laptop, since it doesn't air on TV. Makoto and Rei have both sent Haruka good luck text messages, but have yet to receive a reply the day after. They shrug it off, thinking he must be busy with last-minute training for the national tournament, during which the last thing on his mind must be keeping his phone on him at all times.

"Really, Haru should just get himself a water-resistant phone so he can reply to texts and answer calls even when he's in the pool", Makoto jokes, and Rei snorts.

"He still wouldn't be able to text us while he's swimming, Makoto. I for one wouldn't want him to do that since it would distract him from what he  _really_ should be doing in that moment."

"I know, I know. It's just... so strange, how Haru and I have grown so far apart within just the past half year. Even though he lives just two train stations away, we still don't get to see him that often with what he does. It's a little sad, but I have to get used to it. I know he's still there, after all."

Rei smiles a little. "You're right."

They don't have too long to wind down from their trip before Ran and Ren are dropped off at their doorstep by Jun and Yuiko. The two of them stay for tea, but then they're out, leaving the twins in Makoto's and Rei's care for three days. It falls right in the middle of the week, and if they wouldn't all have been on a break, this would've been a perfect opportunity to wander the streets of central Tokyo.

Even so, Makoto and Rei are determined to not let the crowds intimidate them, and they take Ren and Ran to Harajuku first, where the twins get to experience the huge toy store called Kiddy Land. Thankfully, their parents have sent them some money to spend on this short trip, so Makoto and Rei won't have to pay for the ridiculous things Makoto's siblings want to buy.

"Onii-chan, I want that one", Ren says and points to a toy robot up on a shelf he can't reach. Makoto smiles, and just as he's about to reach up and get it, someone tugs on his sleeve.

"You're spoiling him, onii-chan", Ran says with a warning tone in her voice. "He's already bought a bunch of toys."

"It's my money, so I can do whatever I want!" Ren protests, and Rei can't help but laugh. Of course, Makoto and Rei aren't going to let the twins be  _completely_ irresponsible with their money, and stop them once they start wanting to buy too much stuff all at once. They still have most of their day in central Tokyo left, and they haven't even gone to Ueno yet, which is their next stop for the day.

Despite the crowds, it's a really nice day, and Rei really enjoys spending time with the twins. Even though they're not technically  _his_ siblings, he still feels bad for moving away from Iwatobi, and knows Makoto has to feel ten times worse about it. He's always tried to tell Ran and Ren that he isn't going to take their older brother away from them, that he isn't as bad as it may seem with him 'taking Makoto away' to Tokyo. Well, technically it had been the other way around, but that doesn't stop him from feeling bad about it.

Arriving in Ueno, Rei uses his map gotten at the train station to navigate them towards the zoo. It's only about a fifteen minute walk, but said walk still agitates and tires out the kids fast. Even so, after a bit of bribing from Makoto that they'll get to choose wherever they go from now on. And once they do reach the zoo and read what there is to do and see, it doesn't take long or the twins to actually agree on wanting to explore the west area exclusively.

Said area of the zoo has African animals, whereas the east area has animals like bears, lemurs, elephants and pandas. It's a bit overwhelming to see it all as they go, especially for Rei who's never been to a zoo anywhere near this size before. He feels like he gets almost as much enjoyment out of their trip as the twins do, and from what he can see, Makoto seems to be enjoying himself, as well. And that's really all he can ask for — everyone around him being happy and satisfied.

They arrive back at the apartment with takeout from KFC around seven that evening, after a long day out and about in central Tokyo. Rei's feet hurt, but he's happy nevertheless. The twins seem happy, too, and they're both carrying several bags with goods bought during the day. They'd gone to a 100-yen shop in Shinjuku, where they'd gotten a lot of stuff — even Makoto and Rei. Most of what they'd gotten for themselves were things for the apartment, like bathroom necessities and dry goods for the kitchen cupboards, but it was still a good purchase that'll end up saving them money in the long run.

"Onii-chan, when is Haru-chan's race?" Ren asks for what's probably the fifth time that day. Makoto laughs as he sits down next to his brother, ruffling his hair.

"Tomorrow evening at five. Don't worry, we won't miss it."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

When the twins have taken their bath and gone to bed in Rei's and Makoto's bedroom, the two of them begin setting out futons in the living room, squeezed behind the kotatsu and the wall separating the living room and the kitchen. It feels a little odd to be sleeping on futons again, reminiscent of when Rei lived at Makoto's parents house for a while just about a year ago. The memory of everything that led to those events makes Rei feel strange, and he accidentally spaces out while they're still putting their pillows into pillow cases.

"Rei, what's wrong?"

Rei blinks, snapping out of his thoughts, and looks at his boyfriend next to him. He shakes his head.

"It's nothing, I was just... thinking about something."

"What is it? It's obviously not 'nothing'; you looked pretty distraught."

He sighs and straightens his pillowcase out before putting said pillow down on the mattress. "I was just... thinking about when I last had to sleep on a futon. And why I'd ended up in that spot to begin with."

Makoto sits down next to him and leans his head on Rei's shoulder. "You can't keep thinking about the past like this, Rei — it's not good for you. It's called the past for a reason. You've moved past it, and... you've even made up with your parents. Things are fine now, aren't they?"

He wants to say yes, but at the same time, he's not too sure. Are things really better just because he's reached status quo with his parents? It feels like there's still some tension lingering between them despite them not having talked since he and Kengo went to talk to them. But maybe he just has to give it time, to be patient and wait for things to properly calm down and reach a point where he's fully comfortable with the way things are. Because he knows that in the end, this is the only way he'll be able to keep his parents in his life and still be happy with the way he's living.

"Yeah", he settles on replying with, and Makoto takes his hand.

"Don't forget that I'm here if you want to talk. Don't bottle things up."

"I know. And likewise."

Makoto laughs. "Yeah."

 

* * *

 

"Ren, it's starting — you're going to miss it!"

"I'm  _not_ , and I'll be out in a second!" comes Ren's muffled voice from the bathroom, making the others waiting for him laugh. A bowl of popcorn is placed on the kotatsu table in front of them, Ran sits in Rei's lap, and until just a minute ago, Ren had been sitting in Makoto's, making it easier for them all to see on the TV screen in front of them. The swimmers have started walking in towards the swimming pool, and when they see Haruka, they all scream out his name in different ways, even though the swimmer can't hear them. Rei hopes he still does, somehow.

The commentators talk about something Rei isn't paying attention to, as he's currently using his phone to look up the other swimmers in this race to see what Haruka's competition is like. He finds out that it seems like it'll be a pretty even race; some seem to be a little less experienced, some a lot more. Rei doesn't know how well Haruka's coped with his last race and the result of it, but he hopes it isn't too bad, and that Haruka has a good chance at qualifying for the Olympic trials. He deserves it, considering everything he's been through in the past couple of years, and with as much as he's struggled to get to where he is now.

All four of them lean forward in excitement as the swimmers take their marks, and the arena goes silent. Even the commentators are finally silent, and you can feel the tension even though you aren't there in person. Seeing the arena, the people cheering for the swimmers and the huge pool makes Rei already miss swimming, but he also knows he wouldn't be in the mood for it, were he to stand in front of a pool right now. He needs a break from it all for a while, but that certainly doesn't mean he's quitting working out altogether. The local fitness centre has rather cheap membership options and it's not too far away from the station, so it works out quite well for him.

Rei looks at all the swimmers as the camera pans over them, and when he sees Haruka, his eyebrows furrow in concern. He looks distant, not at all determined and serious like Rei is used to seeing him just before a race. He turns to Makoto, and his boyfriend seems to have noted it as well. What if Haruka  _isn't_ in top shape for this race, what if he's back where he was two years ago when he had all that pressure weighing down on his shoulders? What if this Olympics thing really is too much for him to handle?

"On your marks—"

Rei doesn't have time to think about it any more than this before the announcer's voice fills the arena, and everyone holds their breath, almost as if  _they_ are the ones about to dive into the pool. Rei feels his heart hammer against his ribcage, and he hears it loudly in his ears in the silence of the room and from the TV in front of him.

"—set... go!"

The swimmers dive off of the start blocks, upon which Ran and Ren immediately stand up in front of Rei and Makoto and jump excitedly, chanting Haruka's name. Rei stares intently at the screen, barely even blinking or taking his eyes off of Haruka as he swims. He swims, but his crawl isn't bringing him forward in the pace and with the force they're all used to seeing. It's as if something underneath the surface is holding him back, preventing him from following his new-found dream. Rei is certain there's at least  _something_ that holds him back, but it may not be under the water in the pool, not something you can see or physically feel.

It may be Haruka's demons having returned, and they could potentially be so much more damaging than a creature lurking beneath the surface.

Rei clenches his fists, nails digging crescent moon patterns into his palms and eventually making it sting. He doesn't want to watch this, it's too painful, too tragic. His role model is struggling right in front of his eyes, and all Rei can do is watch, because he's several thousand miles away. And even if he were right there, on the stands watching Haruka right there in person, he's pretty sure he isn't the first person Haruka would allow to try and reach out to him.

Ran and Ren's cheering dies out abruptly, and is replaced by them shooting multiple worried questions to Rei and Makoto, neither of whom are able to respond to them. What would they say? How would they explain such a thing to the twins without making it sound as heartbreaking as it is? How do you gently let someone else down when you feel like you yourself have just had your heart torn in pieces?

Eventually, Haruka's speed dramatically decreases; to the point where it's the main topic that the commentators are currently talking about. Rei wants to cover his ears, close his eyes, shut everything out and not have to deal with the pain that comes from seeing his hero fall like this. It was devastating the first time, and it's equally — if not more — devastating this time around. He was so close, so close to finally reaching a proper breaking point, but close is never good enough.

When the race is over, Haruka gets out of the pool and eventually disappears from the view of the cameras desperately trying to follow him. The last thing Rei sees of Haruka is him walking with fast strides out of the area, journalists chasing him with cameras, microphones and recording devices in their hands.

 

* * *

 

The morning after, following the departure of Makoto's siblings, Rei reads the newspaper on his phone, and finds Haruka's photo on top of an article questioning his resignation from professional swimming. He only manages to read a few sentences before he exits the article and frustratedly throws his phone onto the kotatsu table in front of him. Makoto hasn't left their bedroom yet, and Rei doesn't expect him to for a while.

It doesn't take long before his phone buzzes on the table, and he picks it up expecting something else to infuriate him further, but it's surprisingly a text from Makoto's father.

 **Tachibana, Jun** : _We watched the race yesterday. Take care of Makoto. We'll talk in a few days_.

Rei puts his phone back down. He puts his face in his hands, elbow resting on the table in front of him, and he releases a shaky sigh.

 

* * *

 

On Tuesday, Rei goes down to La Campagne not too far from the station, and he talks to the manager about a possible job position. She accepts his application more than happily, and tells him he'll have to wait a few days before they decide. And on Thursday, he already receives a call from her, when she tells Rei he's got the job and that he'll start the coming Monday.

Despite these good news, neither of them feel like celebrating.

Haruka hasn't responded to their calls or messages, and Rei wonders if he ever will.

 

[ **to be continued in arc three.** ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of the second arc! It feels like it wasn't too long ago that the first arc ended, but it's been _six months_. Wow. I don't know when the third — and final! — arc will launch, but it won't come out next week as updates usually do. I have some prepairing to do, and with university starting again soon, I don't think I'll have as much time to write as I would like. So please be patient with me as I prepare for the last stretch of this super lengthy fic, and thank you so much for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> _(Will it be 50 chapters? Oh, more than that, even. Right, that's all I'm giving out for now, ha!)_
> 
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> 
> —
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com/) if you ever want to have a chat! Using and tracking the tag **fic: wrong number** to post any updates on the progress or maybe even sneak-peeks of upcoming chapters. Of course, you're free to use the tag as well to maybe post reactions/questions/whatnot so I can read and respond to stuff.


	39. Grey clouds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's stuck in a bottomless pit of ugly self-pity, despair and guilt, but a friend reaches out a hand and saves him from completely letting these feelings eat him alive. He decides to take a risk, even though it scares him, but it's all for the sake of a dear friend he doesn't want to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the third and final arc of " _Wrong Number_ "! If you thought the previous arcs had a bunch of angst and a lot of things happening... you haven't seen anything yet. Buckle up, here we go. (And huge apologies in advance.)

**FINAL ARC.**

 

 _Makoto_.

 

When his parents call them on Skype, Rei is the one who talks the most to them, but Makoto still sits there next to him, half-heartedly participating in the video call. He sees on their faces that there's much more they want to say than they already are saying, but he's glad they aren't saying it, because he definitely doesn't want to hear it. He's relieved that the twins aren't there, too, because that'd mean he'd have to plaster on a fake smile onto his face and pretend like things aren't as bad as they really are. He's quite honestly tired of having to put on a mask so often now that it's nice not having to.

Makoto feels bad, because he wants to be able to express how happy he actually is for Rei's sake, for the fact that Rei's managed to get himself a job so soon after graduation. In a way he wants to try and show his happiness and how proud he is over his boyfriend, but Rei being the person he is, he keeps telling Makoto not to make an effort, and that he understands. And that's one of the many great things about living with Rei — he's understanding, forgiving, and loving. Three things Makoto feels like he doesn't deserve right now. And even if he was allowed to pick one, he's not sure what he'd pick for himself.

For the first week, Rei has work training in the pastry shop. Makoto's almost jealous, wanting to get out of the apartment and put his thoughts on hold while he's busy doing other things. The thing is, he doesn't know if he'd be mentally capable of doing so, considering he can't even remember to eat lunch during the day. He doesn't remember what he  _does_ during the day, either — time just passes irregularly and he feels like he's constantly falling into a bottomless, dark pit. As for if he'll ever reach a destination, Makoto doesn't know, and he doesn't expect it, either.

He wants to visit Haru, to talk to him, try and talk calmly about what happened. Is Haru even at home now? Where did he disappear off to after the race, did someone go after him? What's he planning on doing after this? Makoto worries that this might be just like back in their last year of high school, when Haru had hit a wall and been burdened with the expectations of pretty much everyone around them. Makoto still feels bad about having contributed to his best friend's stress and eventual breakdown, and he'll be forever grateful to Rin for bringing Haru to Australia for a break and a talk Makoto knows only Rin could pull off. He'd tried the talk himself once before, and that's what eventually landed Haru in Australia.

Since the race, Makoto hasn't bothered to pick up his phone whenever it's rung, and when he's seen who's called him, he feels a sting of guilt, but still isn't really up for doing anything about it. Touka is one of those who's called the most times, and then there's Gou, Miyuki, and a few messages from Rin, too. And the messages are ones Makoto would rather just pretend he hasn't seen, because he doesn't even have to read them to know Rin wants to talk about  _it_. And Makoto doesn't. Even though he isn't directly affected by what's happened, since he and Haruka are so close, and Rin is close to them both, he ends up still being caught up in the mess, and it stresses him out.

When Makoto's lying in bed one Tuesday at who-knows-what-o'clock, his phone buzzes on the nighstand next to his side of the bed, and he picks it up not really knowing who to expect to call him now. He's surprised when he sees Touka's name on his screen, but he answers nevertheless.

"Hello?"

" _I finally got a hold of you! I've been really worried here, man. You doing anything special today?_ "

Makoto holds back a snort. He's been like this for over a week now, not doing anything at all during the day and just hanging out with Rei during the evenings, which doesn't mean they're doing much, either. "No, not really. Why?"

" _Come to the gym with me. I haven't been working out much lately and I'm itching to get out. Please? I'll buy you lunch. Have you had lunch? Otherwise, make it dinner, and apologise to Rei from me_."

He looks at the clock on his screen, and sees that it's about half past one. And even though he doesn't feel like it now, maybe he will later — so he decides to say yes to Touka's proposal, and slowly gets out of bed to get dressed and pack his duffel bag. Maybe it'll actually help to get his feelings out somehow; at least it'll get him out and have him do something other than lying in bed and feel sorry for himself when in reality, he doesn't have anything to feel sorry for himself about. Haru's the one he should feel sorry about, but he knows his best friend would absolutely hate it if he did.

 

* * *

 

Makoto arrives at the Oasis gym near campus around two, which is surprisingly fast for him, considering he'd been in bed just half an hour ago. He should probably just be glad Touka somehow pulled him out of whatever weird state he was in, if only for a day, because this is something he definitely needs. After having been 'bedridden' since Haru's race, some exercise would only do him good. He's already noticing the way his muscles have started to become less defined, and he feels bad about it. After all these years of daily swim practice, this is what it's come to?

"Hey, took you look enough", Touka says as he approaches her. Makoto smiles apologetically.

"Sorry."

He sees on Touka that she knows he's not just apologising for being late, and he's glad he won't have to elaborate. Not yet, at least. He does owe her an explanation, but that can come at a later time. For now, all he wants to do is let himself be dragged out of that dark pit of self-pity and despair he's been holed up in for the past two weeks.

"'S fine. Let's just go, I have a good feeling about today. Wanna do some boxing again? You seemed to like it."

Makoto nods as they walk in to pay for a one time pass in the reception. "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

When they've gotten changed and met up back inside the gym by the boxing bags, they do some warm-up exercises before switching off who's holding the mitts and who's throwing different punches. Makoto's really glad Touka is a physically strong person, because he isn't able to hold back very well in his hits today. Touka always tells him not to hold back, and in the beginning, he'd still held back a little in fear of maybe going too far. But now that he knows she's almost scarily strong, he doesn't feel the need to hold back. And it feels good,  _very_ good.

After about forty minutes of constant boxing, switching between the mitts and the bags, Makoto and Touka take a break in one of the empty stretching rooms. Makoto sits down on one of the benches with a sigh, and brings his water bottle to his mouth. Touka laughs.

"Already out of juice?"

"No, not yet. I want to continue going."

"Alright, tiger — but not yet", Touka says with a smile, but it's not very long-lived. "So, you gonna tell me what the hell's been going on with you lately? Did I piss you off or something, because you haven't been answering calls and stuff. Miyuki called me and wondered if you were angry at her, too. And I couldn't really say anything, because I don't know. So?"

Makoto looks down at his hands, scraping his gym shoe against the floor. "I've been... having a grey cloud hanging over my head lately. More so than normal."

"Okay", Touka replies slowly, almost hesitantly. "You know why?"

"I do, it's... you know my best friend, Haru?"

"Yeah, the swimmer?"

Makoto nods, still not looking up. If there would be anyone he could talk to about this besides his therapist, it would be Touka, definitely. But that still doesn't make it easier to get out of his system. "He... was in a race to try and get into the Olympics."

Touka lets out a surprised gasp, which is rare, coming from someone who's normally rather stoic. "Whoa. Really? That's super cool. But... I'm guessing things didn't go well, huh."

"He didn't make it to the trials. It... reminded me of how things were in our last year of high school, when he hit a wall and almost quit swimming. I feel like I'm partly responsible for pushing him once again, because I've been so excited by the thought of him reaching the Olympics and getting proper recognition."

"That's understandable, really", she says with a shrug. "I'm not blaming you or anything, don't get me wrong, but... have you tried talking to him?"

"He won't answer his phone."

Touka snorts. "Well, that reminds me of someone else I know. You're pretty similar. Give him time, Tachibana — he'll come around. Just leave him to himself and his thoughts for a while, let him sort things out and come to terms with stuff. You know?"

"I guess", Makoto says and sighs. "I'm just worried about him, worried that he'll quit swimming."

"What if he did? Would it affect you?"

"Well, not per se, but... it'd still make me sad. Because it's pretty much all he's had throughout our entire lives."

His friend rolls her eyes and gets up from her seat. "People can find new dreams, Makoto. He'll find his in time, you'll just have to let him. Now, let's get back to that workout, hmm? Neither of us have been working out a lot lately, and we need to fix that. We suck at keeping a routine."

Makoto laughs. "I guess you're right."

It's a very tiring but gratifying workout, and Makoto feels like he's gotten in a better mood since this morning — really, since last week. He feels bad for having Rei put up with him like that for so long, and even though he knows his boyfriend will forgive him without even thinking twice, he still feels like he should make it up to Rei somehow. There's also the lingering thought of Haru in his head, telling him he still  _should_ go and comfort his friend. If anything, just to show that he's there if Haru ever does want to talk. Which he might never, but it's worth a shot.

When they've both finished up in the gym, showered and gotten dressed, Touka takes him out for a late lunch, as promised. He's only known her for about half a year, but Touka's already done far too much for him in that amount of time. Thing kind of worked out in his favour when he got into Gakugei University, and got to meet all these people that just kept making his life better than it already was. Even though it had been difficult, moving away from Iwatobi may have been the best decision he's ever made in his entire life. And for Rei to be here with him, too, is far better than he would've ever dared dreaming of.

"So, Makoto", Touka says after swallowing the mapo tofu in her mouth, "do you have any work this summer? We're kind of in need of assistance at the library. Do you know where it is? The one near the north exit of the station."

Makoto's walked past it almost every day, seeing as he and Rei live north of Kokubunji's train station, so he does know where it is — but he's never been in there before. "I know where that is, and I would love helping out. What would I do there?"

Touka shrugs. "Just sit in the reception, help people return their books, say yes or no to people if they come to ask you if there's a certain book in that they've reserved to borrow. Of course, you'll have a computer right in front of your nose where you can check. It's easy stuff, really. Our receptionist recently had to go on maternity leave, and the other one retired not too long ago. It's really bad timing. So what do you say, are you up for it?"

Makoto doesn't even have to think much about it. As long as it means he'll get out of the apartment and earn some money, he's all for it. "Of course. Yes, I am. Thank you so much for this, Touka-san... you definitely didn't need to. I'll owe you for the rest of my life for all you've done for me."

She dismisses his words with a wave of her hand and looks away, but Makoto can see she's just embarrassed. "It's fine. We need the help, anyway, and if you don't have a job, it works out for the both of—"

Her words are cut short by the sudden, sharp wailing of a baby nearby. Makoto stretches his neck a little to try and see where they're sitting, and he sees a woman pick up her baby from the stroller next to her table and fervently try to hush her child. In a matter of seconds, the child's crying turns into mere sobs, and Makoto hears Touka sigh in relief. He laughs a little.

"Don't like children much?"

"Hell no", she says, disgust more than evident in her tone. "I'm so glad I'm never having kids." Makoto flinches at her brutal honesty, and Touka immediately notices. "Ah, sorry — did I say something bad?"

Makoto looks down at his almost empty plate of nigiri and rolls. He's never really talked to anyone besides Rei about this, and since they both want the same thing, it's never really been much of an issue. It's just the fact that they  _can't_ have children, whether biological or adopted, and that's what hurts the most. He hates the fact that despite them living in 21st century Japan, same-sex couples are still not able to adopt.

"It's just... I would love to have kids myself. But I can't, and... I guess it makes me sad to hear that someone who  _can_ have kids doesn't want to."

The reaction he receives is one he certainly wouldn't have expected, as when he looks up, he sees Touka narrowing her eyes at him. "Does that make me a bad person? Because I'm a woman and because I physically  _can_ have kids? What if I don't want them because I wouldn't be able to handle them? Don't judge before you know anything, Makoto."

He hunches his shoulders, but still doesn't avert his gaze. "I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't know. I guess it just frustrates me, because I can't have my own children. Can I ask you  _why_ you don't want children, or is it too personal?"

Touka finishes her bowl of mapo tofu, and pushes the bowl in front of her a bit so she can rest her elbows on the table. She sighs a little and rests her chin in her hands. "I'm ace, and I don't want to ever have sex, that's a start."

"'Ace'?" Makoto asks, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion as Touka snorts out a laugh.

"You really _are_ from a small town, huh. I'm asexual, I don't want to have sex; I'm disgusted by the mere thought of it. Some asexuals aren't, though, but that's not the point of this. And even if I _would_  enjoy it, I still wouldn't want to have kids. I'm not emotionally strong to the point where I feel like I would be able to handle taking care of someone else. I mean, I can handle _teaching_ kids, sure, but that's about it. Hell, I can't even take care of myself as it is. You wouldn't wanna put a kid through that, would you?"

Makoto shakes his head, a little stunned by the information he's just been given. He's never really considered other sexualities than those you hear about the most in media, and he's ashamed of it, being almost twenty years old and still not knowing a whole lot about what it means to be asexual. Maybe the fact that he doesn't personally know anyone — at least as far as he knows — who's asexual, plays a big role in why he's so uneducated on the subject.

"I'm sorry, Touka-san", he whispers. "I... I must sound so ignorant. I don't mean to, it's just—"

"I know, I know", she sighs. "Because you want kids and can't have them. And I  _can_ have them, but I don't want them. Do you think I'm wasting something?"

"No! No, that's not it. It's all up to you what you want to do — I was just surprised, that's all."

She hums and looks out the window. "Funny how we're both so different but still manage to be friends, huh."

"Yeah. I don't mind that, though", Makoto says with a smile, and that makes Touka laugh, which helps to dissolve the sudden tension between them.

 

* * *

 

"I'll call you about details on the library job. It's most likely you'll start next Monday, but that's fine, right?"

"Sure, that sounds great."  _Anything to get me out of the apartment during the day_ , Makoto thinks to himself. Touka nods in acknowledgement and lifts a hand in an unenthusiastic wave.

"We'll still work out regularly, though! Maybe after work every other day? I mean, it's not like we're doing much, just sitting around on our asses. So?"

Makoto smiles. "Yeah, absolutely. Oh, and... thank you, Touka-san. For today, and everything. I really needed it."

"Anytime. And please, drop the -san from my name, it sounds like we're not friends. Which I hope we are", Touka replies with a warning tone, which makes Makoto laugh. He has a feeling she and Haru would get along really well. Thinking of Haru again after finally having had his thoughts elsewhere today makes his stomach hurt, but not as much as before.

"Sorry. Yes, of course we are. Talk to you soon, Touka."

Saying goodbye, the two of them go their separate ways. Touka lives in the Kodaira women's halls of residence run by the university itself, having been one of the lucky students to snatch a room there. The rent seems rather feasible, too, but even though it's a little cheaper than he and Rei live right now, he wouldn't change anything. Besides, the two of them had really gotten lucky with their own apartment being rather cheap and still close both to the train station and to the campus, so maybe it doesn't really matter.

Makoto walks the ten minute walk back to the apartment complex, and when he comes in, Rei is sitting in their living room on his laptop, and Makoto hears not only Rei's, but also Kengo's voice. He smiles a little to himself as he walks in.

"I'm home", he calls out as he begins to take his jacket and shoes off. Less than a minute later, Rei is by his side and is reaching up to give him his customary 'welcome home' kiss on the cheek. Makoto glances over Rei's shoulder.

"Talking to Kengo-san on Skype?"

"I am. Do you want to join?"

Makoto and Rei talk to Kengo for a bit about mundane things like what's going on in their lives, and about Rei's job. Makoto decides not to tell both Kengo and Rei about him probably having a job very soon; he wants to tell Rei the 'news' when they're alone, to not make it sound too big just in case he doesn't get the job. It's very likely, but not set in stone, which is why he doesn't want to accidentally make a chicken out of a single feather.

It's nice to hear that Kengo isn't disappointed in Rei for not immediately pursuing further education, and that he's actually supporting Rei's decision. Makoto's still a bit wary when it comes to Rei's family in general, but he's quickly learning that he should make an exception for his boyfriend's older brother. It's probably just a 'defend Rei'-mechanism, where he just wants the best for Rei and for him not to get hurt again. Seeing him in the state his parents left him almost a year ago is something Makoto will probably never forget, and he wants to try his best to help prevent similar things from happening. With the mixed good and bad luck they've both had in a short time span, you can never be too sure.

"Rei, I... I need to tell you something, but I don't want you to get too excited", Makoto says as they've just gone to bed that evening. Rei looks at him in confusion, but nods slowly.

"Okay. I'm assuming this isn't bad since you told me not to get too excited instead of upset. But do continue."

"There's a chance I might be getting a job. At the city library, not too far away from the north exit of the train station."

Rei's eyes widen, and he smiles. "Wow, that would be great! How did this happen?"

"I met with Touka today, and she said they needed some help in the reception. It's... probably good. For me, I mean. Not having to just sit here and do nothing, and I'd earn money, too."

"I think it's a great idea, and I hope things go through", Rei replies, and he nuzzles his head into the crook of Makoto's neck. "Do you think you'd still work there part-time when classes start up again?"

"I don't know, that depends on my timetable. But I'd love to, if they still need help."

"Okay. Well, good luck — I really hope you get the job!"

 

* * *

 

Being home alone during the day when Rei is at work leaves Makoto to his thoughts and demons for far too long. Some days he can handle it, some days he feels like climbing up the walls. Today is an especially bad day for his demons to visit, and he finds himself walking around their small apartment, adjusting things that don't need adjusting, doing the dishes  _twice_ , vacuuming the floor despite having done it just the other day. Not having anything to do makes him beyond agitated, and soon enough, he reaches his limit.

He has to see Haru, no matter what.

So Makoto gets himself dressed. He takes a Zoloft, makes sure to turn off the lights, and then he's out the door. The weather's being merciful on him, giving him the freedom of not having to zip his jacket all the way up. It's getting warmer, brighter, and it generally starts to  _feel_ better all around. Makoto feels like he really needs it, and that this change is well overdue. Not only to make things easier on himself, but people around him, too. Being a prisoner in his own body means trapping his loved one, too, even though it most certainly isn't on purpose.

The train ride to Higashikoganei feels like it's taking far longer than it should, but it's really just Makoto being anxious about getting off the over-crowded train, and him being bothered by people standing so close to him. Some days, Makoto wonders why on Earth he'd decided on moving to Tokyo of all places, the capital obviously being the most crowded and busiest part of Japan by far. Sure, he normally doesn't mind it, with him coming from such a small town as Iwatobi, but then there are days like these, when he wishes he still lived in his hometown.

Finally getting off the train, Makoto walks the short distance to Haru's apartment building. Said building is much smaller than the one Rei and Makoto live in, and it's in a less populated area, too. Even still, it looks rather cosy, and from what Makoto's been able to tell, most of the people living there are retired or soon to be retired, so it has to be pretty quiet and peaceful around there, too. Maybe  _too_ quiet.

Well, scratch that last part. When Makoto walks up the steps to Haru's apartment, he hears a loud voice. A voice he knows pretty well, but one he wouldn't normally place around these parts of Tokyo. Sure, he does  _live_ in Tokyo now, but Makoto would've never thought Sousuke would ever dream of visiting these parts. Especially if he'd end up on Haru's doorstep.

"... fucking believe it. The hell is  _wrong_ with you, Nanase? Why _now_?!"

Makoto runs up the remaining steps and continues into the exterior corridor and walks up to Sousuke who's standing outside Haru's door. The door's open, and Haru's standing in the doorway, but Makoto can't see the expression on his face. His heart beats a little faster in his chest as he stops in front of Sousuke.

"Yamazaki-kun, please stop! What's going on?!"

Sousuke turns to him, and he's all fire and flames, glaring daggers at Makoto. "Ask your best friend here. Rin's upset again, and I didn't even have to think twice to figure out that Nanase's the reason behind it. Again. Rin can literally _never_ get a fucking break. He's got his own shit to deal with in Australia, and doesn't need Nanase's resignation to weigh heavy on his shoulders, too. You _do_ realise he feels guilty about this, don't you?"

Makoto's eyes widen, and he turns to look at Haru, who doesn't meet his gaze. " _Resignation?_  Haru... is this true?"

The uninvited guest snorts and starts walking away. Before he turns the corner, he speaks up. "Seems you two have some catching up to do, so I won't be in your way. But Nanase... I won't forgive you for doing this to Rin again."

Before Makoto has a chance to ask Haru what's going on, his friend cocks his head in the direction of his apartment, still not looking Makoto in the eye. "Inside."

He has a feeling this won't be a very pleasant conversation, but he also knows it's one they need to have, because Haruka apparently has quite a lot to tell his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Asexuality is still somewhat of a foreign term in Japan, thus, I don't believe _everyone_ in the Free! universe is too aware of it and what it means. So this isn't me dumbing Makoto down, it's me trying to stay as realistic as possible to modern day Japan and the views of their society.
> 
> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


	40. Stormwinds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto talks to Haru about the bomb Sousuke dropped on him before leaving, and he later frets about having to talk to Rin, and eventually Nagisa, about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may notice, the first little bit of this last arc focuses a lot on Makoto. I hope that's okay, but don't worry—I haven't forgotten about Rei. How _could_ I forget about one of the main characters of this fic? He'll be in focus again very soon.

_Makoto_.

 

As one would've expected, there's an awkward silence hanging heavily in the air as Makoto and Haruka sit down in Haru's living room. It's a little more spacious of a flat than Rei's and Makoto's, and Makoto can't help but find that ironic since Haru lives alone. He's a little jealous, but knows he and Rei would never be able to afford living in a bigger place, and he absolutely doesn't want for his parents to help them out even more than they already are, still sending them money every month just like Rei's parents are, to help them stay afloat.

The silence becomes unbearable after a while, at which point Makoto finally decides to speak up. They've pretty much been here before, but Makoto isn't going to let things go as ugly as they did back then. They've both learnt from it and certainly grown in the past two years, so in theory, things _should_ go smoother now.

If only Makoto's able to choose his words wisely this time around.

"Haru... is it true? What Yamazaki-kun said?"

He watches Haru's expressions carefully, knowing he won't be getting a reply  _too_ soon. Haru fidgets with his hands in his lap, looking down at said hands, and he's nibbling at his lower lip. He looks tense, and like he hasn't had much sleep in the past who knows how long. Probably since the race, maybe even longer than that. It pains Makoto to see Haru like this again, and since it  _has_ happened again, he figures things must be a lot worse this time around. Getting up from having fallen that time must've been difficult, but since it's happened once more, maybe his willpower and strength isn't as prominent this time around.

"It is", Haru finally says, and Makoto's heart drops. "I don't want to do this anymore."

"Is it because of the race?"

Haru finally looks up at him, and it's an angry glare that could probably send an entire horde of bulls running in the opposite direction. "You think I decided this on a whim? That I decided to retire because I lost a race? I'm not _Rin_."

Makoto knows what he means with that, and in a normal situation, Makoto would've laughed at the remark. Rin can be a sore loser sometimes, but in recent years, he's actually gotten better about handling and accepting defeat. Haru's never really been like that at all, he's always been indifferent about winning or losing, as it's never really been the main focus for him. EIther it's been just to be in the water, or to be with his friends.

"I know you're not Rin, but... don't you want something to strive for?"

Haru rolls his eyes. "Are we back to this again? The dream talk? Give it up, Makoto. I'm not  _like_ you and Rin. I want to do things at my pace, and not have you two breathing down my neck all the time. Oh, and let's not forget  _Yamazaki_ , apparently he still cares, too. Well, that's just because he doesn't want me to ruin things for Rin now that he's finally able to achieve his dream. You should probably stay away, too, so I don't ruin yours."

"What... Haru, do you even hear what you're _saying_?" Makoto asks, eyes widened in pure horror at his best friend's words.

Haru gives him a look that tells him he's perfectly aware of the words coming out of his mouth, and that's what frightens Makoto. Haru's becoming almost like Rin was a few years ago; someone who shuts his friends out because he doesn't want to hurt them. And it isn't as if Haru's necessarily  _hurting_ them, he's just worrying them. And not just Makoto and Rin; Makoto knows both Rei and Nagisa are worried, too, of course. Nagisa and Rei adore Haru like their idol, their role model, and for them to see Haru sink this low has to be absolutely devastating.

One thing that really scares Makoto is that Nagisa hasn't attempted to contact either of them even once since the race, and he wonders if that's because Nagisa knows, or just simply hasn't been in town. It's been common for Nagisa's family to be out of town around this time of year, so it's perfectly possible Nagisa just hasn't watched Haru's race. He almost hopes that's the case, because even though it certainly wouldn't be easy to tell Nagisa, having to deal with him knowing before they  _do_ talk to him could arguably be worse.

"I do. I've never been so sure of my words. And I don't want you here right now, I want you to leave. I want to be alone."

"Haru, you wouldn't ruin my dream just by being around me. That isn't how this works, and I'm sure others feel the same."

"Great, you've got _allies_ ", Haru says sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. Makoto hates seeing him like this, like he's given up, like he doesn't think it's worth fighting anymore. It's a scary sight, ten times more so than what he saw in Haru two years ago when they had their first fight. It's scary, because he doesn't know what to do to help. After all these years, Makoto's still equally as useless of a friend, and it hurts to know that.

"You... you don't understand... just how _worried_ I've been these past weeks", Makoto almost whispers. "I've tried to get a hold of you for so long, I haven't been able to sleep because I've been so worried—" _  
_

"So you're even admitting that this is my fault. See, I  _do_ cause problems for people around me by being who I am, by choosing my own path. Thanks, Makoto, you couldn't have been of more help. I'm glad we talked. You can go now."

"No, that's not what I meant! Haru, I—"

" _Get out_!" Haru yells, and Makoto flinches. No, this is worse than that time during the festival, when they had their first fight. This is worse, because Makoto has once again managed to trample all over Haruka's feelings and worries. He really  _is_ the worst friend anyone could have. He's so self-absorbed that he doesn't realise just how much pain others around him must be in. While he's been in bed feeling sorry for himself these past almost two weeks, what's Haru been up to, how's _he_ felt? How would Makoto even be able to  _guess_ with the way he's been?

But Makoto has no choice but to obey Haru's orders, so he gets up from the floor with a sigh, and goes out into the hallway to put his shoes back on. Honestly, he has no idea what he was expecting out of this meeting with Haru again after these weeks. A happy reunion? Him being able to magically make Haru feel better about his situation, whether or not he's bummed out about not going to the Olympics? Makoto's thinking too highly of himself again. There was no way he could've done anything like that just today.

Well, Rome definitely wasn't built in a day, and surely, trying to get through Haru's icy exterior — and probably internal — walls won't be an easy task. But Makoto isn't going to give up, just give his friend some time. He just hopes giving Haru that time won't give Haru any ideas to do anything too rash. No, Haru wouldn't. He isn't  _that_ mentally weak. He's a strong and independent person, more so than Makoto is. Having Makoto around him wouldn't really help Haru, either, so maybe this is for the best.

He feels a lot heavier walking back home than he had when going over to Haru's apartment in the first place. He should've just given Haru more space to begin with, maybe wait for Haru to come to  _him_ instead. Would he, though? Makoto isn't so sure. He feels like he and Haru are slowly drifting apart, and he wonders if that's because of their greatly differing schedules and lives in general, or because they're simply outgrowing each other. Whatever the reason, Makoto doesn't want to give up his friendship with Haruka, and he wants to fight for it to work. 

 

* * *

 

Once again having no perception of time, Makoto has no idea how long he's been lying under the kotatsu blanket feeling sorry for himself, and letting his dark thoughts gnaw on his insides. When his phone buzzes on the table, he flinches, and upon seeing who the sender of the message is, he feels dizzy from how fast his heart's started beating all of a sudden. He swallows hard before opening the message, preparing himself.

 **Rin** :  _Stop avoiding me, we have to talk. Call me tonight on Skype, I'm at home. I'm not mad at you, don't worry. Just... stop being a stranger. Please_.

 

Makoto closes the message with a sigh. At least Rin says he isn't mad, that's a good start. He's probably disappointed, but they're at least two on that.

The sound of a key turning in the lock has Makoto sitting up and turning his head towards the door, and seconds later, Rei walks inside. "I'm home", he says.

"Welcome home", Makoto replies and tries to sound a little happier than he feels. "How was your day?"

Rei takes his jacket and shoes off before coming inside, kissing his boyfriend and sitting down by the kotatsu. "It was okay; nothing out of the ordinary happened. I'm still learning things, though, and it's definitely interesting, still. I feel like I'll really enjoy working there, even though I still have a long way to go before I can consider myself decent at baking the things we sell."

Makoto leans against Rei's shoulder and sighs quietly. "I'm glad."

"How was your day? Did you do anything special?"

His heart skips a beat, and Makoto sits up straight again. He definitely isn't looking forward to having to drop this bomb on Rei, as Rei's had Haru as his role model since even before he joined the swim club. Haru's beautiful freestyle swimming was the thing to convince Rei to join in the first place, and had Rei still refused, none of this would've been made possible.

"Rei, I... I have to tell you something, but I already know you won't like it. Even so, please just try to understand."

Rei frowns in concern, leaning on his hands that are placed on his lap. "Makoto, what's wrong? You're worrying me."

"It's not me, it's... it's Haru. I went to talk to him today, and then Yamazaki-kun was standing outside his apartment, arguing with him. He said something I know Haru wouldn't have told me on his own free will, so I... talked to him about it after Yamazaki-kun had left. Haru's going to quit swimming competitively. He's leaving professional swimming."

Makoto's gaze is slightly averted as he doesn't have the heart to look Rei straight in the eye when delivering the bad news. He does, however, see Rei in the corner of his eye, his frown smoothing out into a blank expression, and Rei leaning back a bit. The quiet surrounding them is scary, and loud in Makoto's ears. He's never quite idolised someone like Rei and Nagisa have with Haru, so he can't really sympathise with their feelings.

That's another thing Makoto doesn't look forward to — telling Nagisa. Especially considering the way things went last time, with Haru having lost a race despite having tried his best _not_ to. This time, he'd _willingly_ lost the race, and proceeded to announce his retirement from professional swimming. The nightmare is far from over, and all Makoto wants to do is wake up. The question is if reality is that much better.

Just as he's about to blurt out something he might regret, Rei finally opens his mouth. "I see", he says slowly, probably still having trouble coming to terms with it. "I was... kind of expecting that, considering how things went a few weeks ago for Haruka-senpai. Did he say what he will do next?"

Makoto shakes his head, feeling a little more relieved at Rei's reaction. "He told me he doesn't have dreams for his future, that he's not 'like the rest of us'. I don't know what he's going to do, and I'm worried. He told me to leave, and I don't know if I'm ever allowed to come back."

"You will be", Rei says with a sigh and brings his arms around Makoto, pulling him into an embrace. "Let's just give him time, he'll find something he wants to do. Or maybe just continue on with his art studies, and see where that takes him? He's still young, he has plenty of time to figure things out."

"Yeah, I guess you're right", Makoto replies, leaning into his boyfriend's embrace. "I'm just worried about him."

"Haruka-senpai will be fine, I'm sure of it. He'll have a period of negativity, sure — but he'll get out of it. And if he can't get out of it on his own, we'll have to help him. That's... that's what friends are for, after all."

Makoto smiles up at Rei and kisses him on the cheek. "I don't know what I'd do without you and your seemingly endless amount of optimism, Rei."

 

* * *

 

That night after dinner and his usual dosage of Zoloft, Makoto and Rei decide to call Rin on Skype. It's better doing it now than stalling it, having it loom over their heads. There won't be a good outcome no matter how they go about it, and that's scary enough to make Makoto want to chicken out. But at the same time, he's glad he doesn't have to tell Rin face to face, and that there are a couple thousand miles between them as they'll deliver the bad news to their friend.

A few dialling tones go through, and Makoto unconsciously clenches his fists in his lap in preparation for seeing Rin's face on the screen, hearing his voice. He swallows hard. Rin's face pops up, and his heart skips a beat when he sees Rin isn't happy like he usually is when they talk on Skype.

" _Hey, guys. Long time no see_."

"Hello, Rin-san", Rei replies. "How... how are you?"

Makoto's forever grateful for his boyfriend being able to at least try and keep a casual conversation before the storm. He wonders how willing Rin is going to be to play along with that game.

" _Good, I suppose. You two?_ "

"We're okay", Makoto replies. It's a little bit from the truth when it comes to himself, but he doesn't want to delve into things like this, when they aren't in the same room. He'll have to deal with all of that when Rin comes back home, which shouldn't be in too long, anyway. "Rin, I'm sorry for not having been in contact lately. I've been... kinda out of it for a while."

Rin shrugs, scratching his cheek. " _It's fine; I overreacted because of this whole Haru thing. I'm just... worried about him. You know what happened last time; I thought he was gonna get really depressed, and start to have those super dark thoughts that would—_ "

"Rin-san", Rei interrupts before Rin gets too ahead of himself and dives into subjects neither of them really want to talk about. Especially when it's someone so close to them as Haru is. "We would try our best to stop that from happening, of course. And if we couldn't help him ourselves, we would at least try and get him  _professional_ help."

" _Guess you're right_ ", Rin says, and he laughs a little, sounding relieved. His shoulders relax a little, too, and it makes Makoto feel like this conversation might not be too tough to get through, after all. He knows just how much Haru's happiness and well-being means to Rin as it does for everyone else, and Rin has obviously gone to far greater lengths than any of his other friends to assure Haru wouldn't completely crumble and fall. Not that Rin would think any of that matters, but it means a lot to Makoto that Rin would go so far to cheer up a friend. If only Makoto could do something like that, too.

"Listen, Rin... Yamazaki-kun said you got upset when you'd watched Haru's race, and so he... kinda blamed Haru for it."

Rin visibly winces, and then he frowns. " _Damn Sousuke, always overreacting. Yes, I was upset, of course, because Haru's one of my best friends. Of course I'd be upset, I'm sure he is, too. Hell, probably even more upset than I am. I'll try and get a hold of him, and tell him I'm sorry for Sousuke being a jackass._ "

Makoto shakes his head. "It's not your fault, Rin."

Though Makoto isn't one to talk when he's more than frequently one to apologise for other people's mistakes and things he's got nothing to do with. Rin frowns a little, his expression turning somber, and he looks down, probably at his desk or something.

" _I just..._ _I knew I felt like he wasn't too keen on continuing on with the whole 'competitive swimming' thing. So why the hell did he act like that back then?_ "

Makoto, still out of words thanks to Rin's unexpected reaction, doesn't know what to say. Instead, Rei steps in. "Like Makoto said, this isn't your fault, Rin-san. No one could've known what went through Haruka-senpai's head back then—"

"Not even me", Makoto says with a bitter laugh. Everyone always tells him he's so eerily good at reading Haru, but he hasn't felt like he's  _been_ good at reading Haru for a few years now. Maybe the effect is finally wearing off after all this time? Maybe it's getting worse instead of better with time?

"Makoto, don't", Rei says in a gentle but warning tone. Makoto knows, still being too stubborn to just relent in favour of his mental health. Even though it's difficult, he still does give up. "I guess we're all a bit at fault here, though. And while I do want to apologise to Haruka-senpai, I feel like it's best to leave him alone for now. He obviously isn't too happy about his situation and having to give up professional swimming, so let's just give him some time."

Rin sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. " _Guess you're right. Well, thanks for calling, I'm glad we talked after all this time. Tell me if you've gotten a hold of him or something. I'll be back home in about two weeks, and if he still hasn't contacted anyone by then... I guess it'll just be us, Nagisa and Sousuke, minus Haru, huh_. _I feel like maybe this isn't the best time to come home, maybe I should wait?_ "

"I'm afraid you're right that Haruka-senpai won't be there", Rei replies. "We do look forward to seeing you, though. And please don't feel like coming back home now is bad timing or anything. We still want to see you, and I know Gou-san wants to see her brother, too."

The redhead's solemn expression turns into a bright, happy one, and he's grinning again, which makes Makoto feel a hundred times better. " _Guess you're right. Alright, I'll talk to you lovebirds soon, I have yet to book my tickets so I don't know any dates yet. But I'll keep you updated_."

"And we'll keep you updated about Haru in return", Makoto says. "See you soon, Rin."

The three finish their Skype call, and Makoto leans against Rei's shoulder with a sigh. Rei takes his hand, squeezing it a little.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah", Makoto sighs. "That went a little better than I'd expected. I feel like he took it better than I did. I just... kind of freak out about having to tell Nagisa, too. I feel like this is never going to stop. My parents are already acting weird when we talk to them because of this, and I feel like... disconnecting myself from everything. You know? It feels like you and I are taking the hit for Haru, aside from the part where Yamazaki-kun went to Haru's apartment to scold him for something Haru had no control over."

Rei shakes his head. "It can't be helped. Of course we'll be caught in the middle, with you being Haruka-senpai's best friend, and I'm just... well, I guess we're friends, but I'm automatically attached to it since I'm... with you. We'll just have to tough it out; it won't last forever."

Makoto knows Rei's right about that. And while they do still have one big hurdle to get over when it comes to telling Nagisa, Makoto's glad he won't have to do it alone. Having Rei there will make things a lot easier, seeing as Rei and Nagisa are best friends. Still, it won't be  _easy_ to tell Nagisa that his idol has decided to give up on something he's done pretty much all his life, Haruka's swimming being something Nagisa pretty much fell in love with. And had it not been for Nagisa coming to Iwatobi to begin with, their swim club would've never been formed, and none of this would've happened.

In a strange way, Makoto's glad that this is all happening when he isn't swamped with studies, and would have had to focus on far too many things at once. If there's something he's sure of, it's that his mental health  _definitely_ wouldn't have been able to take all of that at the same time. Still, having to deal with it to begin with isn't easy, either, but he's also more than willing to do whatever it takes to make Haru happy, to bring their friendship back to the way it used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Regarding Haru's decision to quit swimming professionally, this is something I feel would actually happen in canon, too. His decision to want to go pro felt so sudden, so abrupt, considering the anxiety he'd experienced beforehand, the pressure he felt from people around him, people who didn't even _know_ him. It isn't something that'll blow over just like that, even if one of your best friends brings you to Australia on a soul-searching trip.
> 
> It takes a lot of time and thinking to come to such a decision, and I felt like that wasn't really something Haru was given in the series. He'd eventually end up feeling that pressure again, because it was an issue that never properly got resolved (honestly, it was kind of rushed, in my opinion).
> 
> —
> 
> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


	41. Letdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei gets a little more acquainted with Haru's aunt at the pastry shop, and later goes to Iwatobi to talk to Nagisa about Haru.

Monday morning greets Rei at six o'clock sharp, with a rude and shrill ring of the alarm clock on his phone. He  _really_ needs to change that alarm tone of his. Makoto only stirs a bit in his sleep when it goes off, but thankfully doesn't wake up. Rei gets up as quietly as he can, and when he's made it out of the bedroom with a towel over his shoulder, he considers it safe to be a little less than dead silent.

Rei makes his breakfast and lunch box before heading out the door when Makoto's still asleep. He's only got a five minute walk to the pastry shop slash café, so he's rarely ever in a hurry. Hell, Makoto probably even wouldn't be in much of a hurry, and he's the slower one of them. Rei smiles a little at the thought as he locks the door and heads down the stairs onto the street.

It had taken him some time to get used to the way things work at the pastry shop, but he finally feels like he's started to get the hang of things, and gotten used to the tempo when it's at its busiest. It's a nice, manageable job with a decent pay, and even though he works five hours a day now, he'll apparently get bumped up to seven soon. Even though he feels bad about being away from Makoto longer during the day, it only means more money ending up in his bank account at the end of the month, in turn meaning they can start treating themselves a little more. Maybe buying more frivolous things rather than just saving up and buying the absolute necessities. With Makoto probably getting a job soon, too, that only makes things a lot easier on them — as long as it isn't too much for Makoto to handle.

Rei spends his first two hours that Monday in the kitchen; rolling out dough to cut, twist and twirl and create other shapes with, and baking several trays with different kinds of pastries and bread. It's not entirely too quiet in his little kitchenette, but he likes it that way. How he can hear the murmur of people out in the shop when his co-workers take care of orders he's taking out of the oven every now and then. This isn't anywhere near anything he'd imagined about working in a pastry shop before — well, not that he's given much thought to it at  _all_ before Haruka had suggested the job to him — and it's a very nice surprise.

"Rei-kun, we have an order", comes Junko's voice from the revolving door into the kitchenette. "You ready?"

Rei pulls out the bundle of Post-it notes and the pen from his apron's pocket. "Yes."

She lists a few pastries and batches of cookies, telling him it's for a birthday party, so he should decorate them accordingly. Whatever she means by that, he doesn't know, but it's usually okay for him to improvise. So far, his improvisations have been approved and without major faults, so he'll probably do fine this time around, too. He's just recently gotten the hang of how to make royal icing cookies, and he's luckily got two trays stored away, ready to do the last step on, which is just the icing part. When they're done, they need at least an hour to dry, which allows Rei to do other things in the meantime. And although these things take time, seeing all of those cookies pile up on the trays in front of him makes Rei feel really accomplished, like he's actually making progress.

When he's done about half of them, one of Rei's other co-workers, Yuuichirou, pops his head in through the door. He looks down at the trays in front of Rei, and his eyes widen.

"Whoa, Ryuugazaki — you've really been at it, huh?"

Rei smiles, a little embarrassed. "I have. Is everything okay out in the shop?"

Yuuichirou waves a hand dismissively. "We're fine! Listen, it's about lunch time, and Jun-chan said she wanted to have lunch with you."

"Okay", Rei replies. "That's fine."

His co-worker raises an eyebrow. "Alone, that is."

"I'm sorry. Are you implying she would be interested in me?"

"Maybe. Nah, she's married, I'm just kidding. She did say she had something to talk to you about, though, and that I should tell you not to run off at lunch."

Rei nods slowly. He has a vague idea what it is Junko might want to talk to him about, but he tries his best not to jump to any conclusions. "Okay. I'll be out in about an hour when I'm finished with this order."

Yuuichirou gives him a thumbs up before disappearing, and Rei gets back to taking pastries out of the oven and putting them in separate paper bags. When he deems the royal icing cookies to finally have set to the point where the marbled pattern won't smear, he puts them in boxes and stacks them on top of each other so he can deliver them out into the shop where they'll be picked up soon. He's finished about ten minutes before the time he'd been given, and he considers that to probably be the achievement of the day.

When clock strikes twelve, Rei and Junko leave the shop to the others, and they take their lunches out to eat behind the shop, where they have a little table and garden chairs. It's a nice little spot, not too disturbed by traffic, and there's a playground not too far away from there, from which you can hear children playing pretty much all day.

"I think you might have an idea as to what it is I want to talk to you about", Junko says with an apologetic smile.

Of course he does. "Yes", Rei replies. "This is about Haruka-senpai, isn't it?"

She quirks an eyebrow in interest. "'Senpai'? Ah, right — you were his underclassman in high school. Glad to have graduated?"

"I am." He can't help but feel like she's trying to ease him into the subject, and he doesn't like it; he wants her to be upfront with him and not beat around the bush.

"Okay. So... I've been talking with Haru's parents a bit. Of course I would, Aoi is my sister, after all", she laughs, but quickly turns serious again. "They're worried. About him."

Rei resists a snort, clearing his throat instead before stuffing a piece of chicken into his mouth. Haruka's parents seem to only come in at the worst possible time. Because this most certainly isn't an ideal time to come back and suddenly worry about their son theyve pretty much abandoned for the past god knows how many years; Rei isn't actually sure.

"They want to come visit him, but... obviously, they don't know where he live, and I don't, either. So I wanted to ask if you're willing to give me his address."

"I'm sorry?" Rei asks, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I know it's a lot to ask, but we don't know how else to go about it. They really want to make it up to him, and I know it's probably not a good time now after the... race and everything. They want to be a part of his life again, and proper, this time. Do you think he'd let them?"

Rei puts his chopsticks down and heaves a sigh. "Do you want my honest opinion, Junko-san?"

She looks at him oddly. "Yes, of course I do."

"Okay. Well, first of all, I have yet to visit Haruka-senpai's apartment here in Tokyo, so I don't know where he lives. I don't like the idea of them trying to nestle themselves back into Haruka-senpai's life after all they've put him through. I don't know for how long he had to live in that house all by himself, but it was long enough. Having said that, I'm really not the person you should ask. Makoto would have been a much better choice, but I believe he's going to have a similar opinion to the one I have on this matter."

Junko frowns a little at his response. What else was Rei supposed to say? He's lied enough in the past year and a half that he'd probably come off as a compulsive liar to others at this point, and he doesn't want to keep that up. He cares a great deal for Haruka, even though their friendship isn't the most stable among friendships — but he would never,  _ever_ expose Haruka to something that would most likely cause him a great deal of sadness and stress.

"I see", she says. "Well... I can't say I'm not surprised. I knew you seemed rather close, and that this would be difficult agreeing to. At least I asked. I want to make it clear to you that I don't condone of their actions. I find it despicable how they could leave him alone like that for so long and walk away without even a single shred of guilt. They should never have been allowed to have a child in the first place."

Her voice is dark, and Rei can clearly hear the strong dislike in it. He's glad; having originally thought she'd try and make him agree to her request just because Haruka's parents want him to. And it isn't that he thinks Haruka would be in any kind of danger if his parents were to show up on his doorstep — but he's willing to bet it still wouldn't be a pleasant experience.

"Anyway, sorry for the sudden request. I'm just the messenger here, really. Though I  _am_ worried about him... I'm guessing he's not very keen on talking to people now, is he?"

Rei shakes his head, poking at the scraps on the bottom of his bento with his chopsticks. "No. He even threw his best friend out of his apartment whom he's known since they were really young, so I doubt anyone else would be let in."

Junko obviously isn't the only one worried; _everyone_ around Haruka is. And while worrying won't solve anything, neither will pushing him. Maybe it's easier for him to deal with giving Haruka the time he needs to himself than it is for those who have known him for longer — Junko and Makoto being good examples — but he's more than aware of the fact that showing that they care will only have the opposite effect right now. Because that would mean they're trampling all over Haruka's feelings and desires of being left alone for the time being.

 

* * *

 

"Makoto."

"Hmm?"

Rei shifts a bit, opening his eyes again. "I'm going to see Nagisa-kun tomorrow. I'll talk to him."

Makoto turns to him and looks at him with a slightly horrified look. Rei knew it was coming, but he isn't going to back down. This time, Makoto doesn't  _have_ to be present; it's perfectly fine for Rei to go alone and talk to Nagisa. Before Makoto even speaks, Rei knows what he's going to say; that he shouldn't do it for Makoto's sake, because of the possibility that confronting Nagisa will send him into another anxiety attack.

"I'm coming with you."

"You don't have to", Rei says. "I'll be fine on my own, I promise."

"But—"

"Do you not trust me?"

It had to be asked, really. While Rei wouldn't say it out loud, sometimes he feels like Makoto might be underestimating him. And sure, Makoto probably thinks Rei's protecting him from something he feels like he can deal with on his own — which is true, except Rei knows that while Makoto _can_ deal with it on his own, it's the aftermath he fears. They both have their reasons for being the way they are, but that doesn't mean they won't approve of them.

"I do, but I don't want you to shoulder  _everything_ by yourself."

Rei shakes his head. "You say that, but you're the one who tends to do that more than anyone else I know. Let me help."  _For once_ , he almost adds.

"Fine, okay", Makoto says, sighing before scooting closer and kissing Rei on his forehead. "Thank you."

And it isn't without a sense of dread and nervousness that Rei boards the train from Kokubunji to Iwatobi station after work the next day. He tries to occupy his thoughts with reading a book he's been putting of for far too long, and also doing a sudoku at the back of the newspaper he took before getting on his train. It only does so much to help him relax a little, and before he knows it, a voice announces his arrival at Iwatobi's train station.

He gets off the train at a station he's still very familiar with, and it feels strangely nice to be back. He's able to breathe without there being a hitch in his breath, without that heavy, sinking feeling in his chest that used to make him feel like he'd die right there in the occean. Iwatobi is vastly different from Tokyo, obviously, with it being a seaside town with not too many inhabitants, and it also just feels a little more welcoming, more personal. Perhaps because this is where he's lived for the first seventeen years of his life, but whatever the reason, getting a little break from the bustle of Tokyo is a welcomed addition to his day.

Rei had called Nagisa the evening before, asking if the two of them could meet up. He'd tried to not sound  _too_ serious or sad, but he isn't too sure of how well he did, because he's fairly certain Nagisa must've sensed at least something was wrong. Despite Nagisa's goofy sides and almost too bright personality, he can be scarily perceptive at times and pick up on things others might overlook. He and Makoto are similar that way, but they pick up on different kinds of invisible details, which still sets them apart.

He takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell to the Hazuki household. Thankfully, Nagisa's family aren't at home, so it'll just be the two of them in the house. It makes it a lot easier on Rei when he has to drop the Haruka bomb on Nagisa, with Haruka being Nagisa's biggest role model. His chest aches when Nagisa greets him at the door with a wide smile and an enthusiastic hug.

"Rei-chan! Ah, I've  _missed_ you!" he says, pulling back. Rei does his best to try and return the smile before responding.

"I missed you too, Nagisa-kun. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to see you lately; I've been very busy... with work and all", he almost stutters. God, he's  _still_ a bad liar. Not that he'd ever want to become a  _good_ one, but sometimes it'd actually be nice to have a decent poker face.

"It's fine", Nagisa says, waving his apology away with one hand. "Come in! Tea?"

The two of them make their way into the living room, where Rei sits down as Nagisa continues into the kitchen to prepare their tea. Rei looks around the living room, familiarising himself with his best friend's house again after not having been there for so long. It reminds him of the times he and Nagisa used to sit in this very living room and do their homework, occasionally joined by one of Nagisa's chatty sisters, before Rei was, almost every time he visited, offered to stay for dinner. Not that he minded, of course. It's almost scary how fast things changed, how there are now only three of six people living in this house, how Rei doesn't even come over to visit as often — how they've started to grow up.

"Sorry for the wait", Nagisa chirps as he walks in with a tray, which he places on the kotatsu table. "So, tell me about your job! How is it? Is it tough?"

Rei begins talking about the lightest of subjects he'll have to bring up that evening; talking about work. It's easy enough, as long as he avoids talking about what Haruka's aunt wanted to talk to him about, because that'll automatically lead him into telling Nagisa about the rest. He wants to let Nagisa down as gently as he can, and to do that, he can't just abruptly jump into the subject without proper preparation.

Nagisa apparently works at his sister's PR company right now, but he doesn't think it'll be long-term. For now, it's all about saving up money so he can move out of the family home. He says he wants to come to Tokyo where 'everyone else is', and while Rei is more than fond of the idea, he doesn't want that to be the deciding factor for Nagisa. Tokyo is big, intimidating, confusing. And while Nagisa normally isn't one to shy away from to other people intimidating things, Rei still doesn't want Nagisa to base a decision solely on where his friends reside.

"So, Rei-chan", Nagisa says and crosses his legs under the kotatsu, a suddenly serious look on his face. "As much as I love having you back in Iwatobi, and I know you absolutely  _love_ me — I know this isn't just a friendly visit. What's  _really_ going on? Is it Mako-chan?"

Rei cringes; it hurts to see just how much Nagisa  _doesn't_ know. "Were you... at home two weeks ago? That weekend?"

Nagisa gives him a confused look. "No, we were at my grandparents' house. Why?"

 _And here it comes, the part where I break my best friend's heart_. Rei clenches a fist and takes a deep breath. "Haruka-senpai had a race to get into the Olympic trials. He... he didn't make it, and—"

"Oh no, poor Haru-chan", Nagisa says, before Rei's even finished what he wanted to say, what he  _needs_ to say, what's going to hurt Nagisa the most.

"Nagisa-kun, I wasn't... finished", Rei says, and he has to fight back the urge to look away. "Haruka-senpai announced that he will be retiring from professional swimming."

If you were to drop a needle on the floor right now, the sound it made would be the equivalent of dropping a shampoo bottle in the shower. It's unbearable, both the silence and having to see the beyond devastated and shocked expression on Nagisa's face. Rei feels absolutely terrible about having to be the messenger, but he'd rather it be him than Makoto. He knows Haruka wouldn't even dream of letting his childhood friend down like that, telling him such saddening news.

It had probably been difficult enough for Haruka to tell Makoto in the first place, and Rei knows having to tell the story all over again to several other people is something Haruka wouldn't take too kindly to having to do. As if he  _isn't_  already undergoing a lot of pressure, not only from his friends but probably from media, too. Rei doesn't know anything about what's going on when it comes to media, but he's pretty certain Haruka isn't being left alone.

Rei barely has the courage to look at Nagisa when his best friend decides to speak up, albeit in a voice so soft and low Rei has to almost lean closer to hear it. "He's quitting?"

"Yes."

"Did he say... what he'll do instead?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know much about it, to be honest, and Makoto doesn't, either. Haruka-senpai said he doesn't have any dreams for his future, but we don't know what he's going to do from now on. Makoto said we should just give him time, and... I think we should, too. He's probably going through a lot right now as it is."

Rei could never in a million years even begin to try and put himself in Haruka's shoes. He'd never felt the same way about swimming as Haruka did. Honestly, to Rei, it had just been a high school thing, nothing he could see himself doing afterwards. Not that he doesn't  _like_ swimming, because he does — but he doesn't feel like he's got the motivation nor talent to continue further. He's happy with the choice he's made of taking a gap year before deciding on what he wants to do with his future, but he's very certain that swimming won't be a part of it. And now he knows it seems like it won't be a part of Haruka's future, either.

Nagisa frowns slightly in concern, looking down at his hands. "I guess you're right. I'm just worried about him, Rei-chan. He's already gone through so much, and now this. I guess I should've expected that... there was no way the trip to Australia would just magically turn him around. Right? I'm not crazy in thinking that, am I?"

"You're not", Rei agrees. "I completely agree with you. While I do believe it helped him clear his mind and that it gave him a short break from everything, I don't believe such a short trip to another country would just make him want to pursue professional swimming because of it. We'll just have to be patient and understanding, and soon enough, he'll be in contact with us again."

"You think so?"

Rei nods, even though he isn't a hundred per cent certain. It's just him hoping for the best, really, hoping that Haruka will feel better about things soon, to the point where he feels like he wants to see his friends again. Patience is a virtue, and being understanding on top of that will most definitely be key when it comes to handling this fragile situation, especially as someone who still isn't as close of a friend of Haruka's as the others are. Rei still wants to do whatever he can to show his friend  _how_ much he cares, without crossing any boundaries in doing so.

 

* * *

 

He leaves Nagisa's house after dinner, which had gone much better than Rei had expected, or rather — feared. Nagisa had gotten a little more optimistic toward the end of their evening together, even though it was still obvious he felt down about the whole thing with Haruka. Not that Rei didn't, he still does, and it'll take him a while to get used to the idea. But it's nice to know that things had gone a little smoother with Nagisa than he'd thought from the beginning, making it a lot easier on him to handle.

Makoto takes the relatively good news well, looking relieved over the fact that Nagisa learnt to accept Haruka's decision. They'll all get together again soon when Rin comes back home, and while Haruka probably won't be there when they do, it still feels a little better knowing they'll be able to talk about things in person and just hang out, if even just for a few days. In time, things will work out; they just have to believe it will. Believe in Haruka, most of all.


	42. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rin comes back home to Japan for a week, and Makoto and Rei are in for a much needed surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little lighter (?) than recent chapters have been. See it as a treat, ha ha.

Makoto gets a call from Touka on Thursday, and he begins work on Monday, which means they're both out of the apartment during the day now. Rei is glad Makoto has something to do during the day now, instead of just being at home doing nothing, occasionally just going to the gym with Touka. She's someone Rei is incredibly grateful for being in Makoto's life, because she seems like a good friend, and like someone who can pull Makoto up when he needs a helping hand. Rei knows he won't be able to always be that person no matter how hard he tries, and sometimes it's better to have someone you're not romantically involved with to help.

And no matter how much Rei tries to tell himself that he  _isn't_ worrying about Makoto, he still is, but to know that he's now not just sitting around at home battling the demons in his head, is a relief. The library job couldn't have come at a better time, and now Rei has the confidence that they'll be able to make it through this at least somewhat okay.

The thirtieth of June is Haruka's birthday, and neither of them have still heard from him by then. They decide to just send him happy birthday texts, giving him the space he obviously still needs. Rei can see on Makoto that he's still finding it difficult to cope with the very unclear situation, but he's doing his best, at least. All Rei has to do is remind his boyfriend not to overexert himself, or he'll get stressed out in no time.

"I just feel like we should've at least sent him something", Makoto says with a sigh and leans forward onto the kotatsu table in front of him. Rei shrugs.

"I don't know how much appreciated it would've been. I think he just needs to be alone, to not be reminded of the people he has surrounding him. And I know how you feel, but... it's just something we have to accept. Even if it's difficult, and even if it's Haruka-senpai's birthday."

"Yeah, I guess."

Rei feels extra bad about it when he thinks about just how lonely Haru must've been on his previous birthdays without even his parents around. Sure, he's spent his birthdays at least with Makoto, but there's just something that makes a birthday that much more special with family. Or at least people you can consider family without the blood ties.

 

* * *

 

With summer having heated up Tokyo a bit, both of them have gotten used to their jobs and schedules. Thankfully, they work similar hours, so they at least have time to have dinner together every evening. Rei quickly realises that this is something of great importance to him; the two of them having synced schedules, so they can at least have time to see each other every day, seeing as they live each other.

In the middle of July with only a month left of Makoto's summer break, Rei and Makoto meet up with Sousuke to take the two hour ride to Narita airport where they'll pick up Rin with Nagisa, who luckily gets a car ride to the airport. When they approach Nakano, Makoto calls Sousuke to make sure he gets on the right car so they can sit together for the next hour and a half they'll have to spend on the same train. It feels a little strange at first, considering Rei hasn't spent time with Sousuke like this before, but they soon warm up to each other, having talked about their studies and plans for the future.

"So listen", Sousuke says after a while, and clears his throat. "I'm sorry for overreacting the other day. I know I'm probably the last person welcome on Nanase's doorstep right now, but... tell him I'm sorry."

"Did Rin chew you out about it?" Makoto asks half-jokingly, and Rei's eyes widen at his sudden bluntness. He guesses Makoto's at least annoyed with Sousuke for having acted like that towards Haruka, with him being Makoto's best friend and all. It's only natural; it's something they've all seen when it comes to Rin and Sousuke, too.

Rei wonders how he would act were someone to seriously offend or threaten Nagisa or Gou. Well, he knows Rin would probably tell them he'd take the next flight to Japan to beat said person up, so maybe Rei doesn't have much to worry about when it comes to her. And Nagisa doesn't really get into fights or arguments with people in general, so he's probably fine. For now, at least.

"Makoto, that's—"

"It's fine, Ryuugazaki, I don't mind. And he kinda did, yeah, but it's not just that. I just wanna move on from those childish things, you know? I'm turning twenty in like two months, I've gotta start acting like it. And I guess... I didn't realise just how much pressure I put on Nanase. I didn't know all of the shit he went through."

Makoto sighs. "You couldn't have known. I barely even knew half of it, and I'm supposed to be his best friend. I don't know when he'll want to talk to me again, but when he does, I'll tell him you apologised."

"Thanks, Tachibana."

When they reach Narita airport and get up from the train portion of it, Rei calls Nagisa to try and locate him. Nagisa's arrived just a few minutes before them, and they decide on meeting up outside a confectionery called Ginza Akebono. Because _of course_ it's a confectionery when it comes to Nagisa, and Nagisa's the one who gets to choose. Makoto doesn't mind it, having a sweet tooth himself, but both Rei and Sousuke wrinkle their noses in disgust as they approach said confectionery and the sweet smells waft through the air towards them. As if carried by said smells, Nagisa nearly crashes into them when he run right up in between Makoto and Rei to give them a hug. _  
_

"Nagisa-kun, you act like we haven't seen each other in years", Rei says, and he can't help but laugh. Nagisa looks up and gives him a wide smile.

"I just missed you, is all. Sou-chan!"

Immediately, Nagisa switches from Makoto and Rei to jumping straight into Sousuke's arms, Sousuke being forced to wrap his arms around Nagisa or he'll fall. "Oi, Hazuki — give a little warning first, will you?"

Nagisa just giggles and nudges his head against Sousuke's chest, making both Makoto and Rei laugh, and Sousuke looking flustered.

The four of them walk through the airport and past countless of shops — several which Nagisa wants to go into, but can't because they're not  _here_ for that — and eventually make it to the arrival hall. After having stood and waited for at least fifteen minutes, Rei notices how Sousuke's fidgeting with the cord of his headphones, how he's shifting his weight from one foot to another where he stands next to Nagisa. He can't help but smile.

"Nervous, Sousuke-san?"

Sousuke looks at him and clears his throat, frowning ever so slightly. "A bit."

"It must be difficult to be in a long-distance relationship, I can't even imagine", Rei says. He doesn't know how he'd handle being away from Makoto the way Rin and Sousuke are for most of the time when Rin's in Australia. All he knows is that he wouldn't handle it very well, and he's glad he doesn't have to go through something like that just to be in a relationship with someone he deeply cares for.

"It is", Sousuke agrees. "But we make it work — at least Skype's a thing."

Rei laughs. "That's true."

A few minutes later, people start streaming out from the exit, and all four of them focus intently on trying to find a blur of red hair amongst all of those people. It's a good thing Rin's got red hair, since that greatly distinguishes him from the rest. It takes a while, but soon enough, Makoto exclaims Rin's name, upon where they all run up to him, nearly crashing into other people on their way. Sousuke, of course, makes it to his boyfriend first, and he lifts Rin up into his arms.

Rei feels almost like he shouldn't be here to watch such a personal and emotional reunion, and Makoto seems to share his sentiments as he shoots Rei a slightly troubled smile at the sight. There isn't really much they can do, though, because walking away would just make it look a lot more weirder than if they just stay put.

When the two have separated, Nagisa's the second to jump straight up into Rin's arms, showering him in affection and his infamous head-nuzzles.

"Oi, oi — someone missed me, I see", Rin says, laughing.

"I did! Can you blame me; you live in  _Australia_ , and the only times I get to see you, you're on a computer screen. Cut me some slack, Rin-rin."

Sousuke snorts, and Rin just rolls his eyes. "Sorry, I can't help it. Well, I can, but I don't regret moving there. Now let's go, I'm tired of airports and everything that has to do with flying."

 

* * *

 

The five of them spend the day in Nakano near Sousuke's apartment, since that's where Rin's going to stay during the week he's spending in Japan. Most of their time is spent in the Yakushi shopping district, where they most of the time have to make sure Nagisa isn't spending all of his money on frivolous things that he won't have much use for. It's nice, though, hanging out like this — but as nice as it is, there's an elephant in the room that no one really wants to bring up, and why wouldn't there be? Haruka's never been absent from their gatherings before, so it feels strange for him not to be there with them now. Knowing that he isn't that far away but that he wouldn't want to come, makes it even worse.

When it's time for them all to disperse at the end of the day, they do so by the train station in Nakano, from which it isn't too far of a walk back to Sousuke's apartment for him and Rin.

"Thanks so much for coming out to see me today, guys", Rin says as he lets go of Makoto after a hug.

"Oh, it was nothing", Makoto says with a smile. "We wanted to see you, after all. And we'll see you on Wednesday evening, too, of course."

"Yeah, absolutely. Alright, Nagisa, come here."

When they've all said their goodbyes, Nagisa, Makoto and Rei board the train back to Kokubunji, Nagisa getting to spend the night at their place so he won't have to go all the way back to Iwatobi so late at night. Of course, this wasn't something Nagisa really minded, but neither did Rei or Makoto.

Back at the apartment, Rei and Nagisa set out the futon for him in the already cramped living room, pushing the kotatsu table against the wall to make more space. The two inhabitants don't really need more space when it's just the two of them living there, but having someone else stay over makes Rei almost wish they at least had an extra room.

"Don't eat everything in the fridge tonight", Makoto says in a half-warning, half-joking tone to Nagisa as he leans against the door frame into their bedroom. Nagisa shoots him a hurt look, and Rei has to hold his laughter in as to not spit out the toothpaste he still has in his mouth.

"I wouldn't do that!" Nagisa retorts, pouting. "I can't believe you'd think such a thing about me, Mako-chan. I'm offended."

"Love you, too. Good night", Makoto laughs before going into the bedroom. Rei goes back into the bedroom to finish brushing his teeth, and when he comes back out, Nagisa's already snuggled up in the blanket on his futon. He smiles at the sight.

"Are you comfortable, do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, no worries. Thanks a lot, Rei-chan." He pauses for a few seconds, looking a bit hesitant, but then he speaks up again. "Listen, I know we're not supposed to contact Haru-chan or anything, but... I can't help but really want to. Just... just to see if he's okay. You know? I mean, we don't know anything, and it's been nearly _two months_. Aren't you worried?"

Rei sits down on the other end of Nagisa's mattress, frowning a little. "Of course I'm worried about him. But I also know that he's not one to respond well to people pressuring him, so I've chosen to have faith in him, that he'll contact us when he's ready. No, I  _know_ he will. Figuring things out for yourself takes time, and the amount of time it takes depends on who it is."

Nagisa lies down, and sighs. "I guess you're right. And I suppose he'll contact Mako-chan first, huh? Just... tell me as soon as you hear anything."

"I wouldn't do it any other way", Rei says and gets up again. "See you tomorrow, Nagisa-kun. Good night."

"Yeah. Good night, Rei-chan."

 

* * *

 

Wednesday night comes sooner than Rei would've expected, and they're suddenly gathered in Sousuke's living room again, but this time for a home-cooked dinner, courtesy of Sousuke. They're having tantanmen; a type of spicy ramen with minced meat instead of the usual pork or chicken, accompanied by cabbage. It's fun to see how everyone handles the rather spicy food they've been served — Rin has to drink a lot of water to cope with it, Nagisa handles it a  _little_ bit better but still finds it hot, and the other three are fine with it. Sousuke looks at his boyfriend next to him and clicks his tongue, shaking his head.

"Australia's making you weak, man. You need to cook more Japanese or other Asian foods over there more often."

Rin sticks his tongue out. "I can't help it; there's literally  _zero_ Asian supermarkets around me. Trust me, if I could eat Japanese more often, I would."

"Do you miss Japan sometimes?" Makoto asks.

"Yeah. It's not every day, and I'm not saying that because I'm glad to be away from home, but... I like it in Australia. Things are finally going well for me, and I've decided to take whatever opportunity or positive thing coming to me, because I feel like I've earned it."

"You certainly have, Rin-san", Rei agrees, and Rin shoots him one of his famous, sharp-toothed grins.

While it's nice that they're able to hang out like this, it also once again hits Rei with just how much their lives have changed since high school. Now that he, Nagisa and Gou are all out of high school, too, it's changed even more than Rei thought was possible. That's why he wants to really value these moments they get together, because no one knows when or if it'll ever end. They're only getting older, and they'll soon all have proper jobs to attend to, separating them even further.

Rin leaves as soon as he had arrived in Japan, and their lives return to normal. It's now less than a month left until Makoto starts his studies again, and it's becoming evident not only in the books he's started to buy, but also in his mood that fluctuates heavily. Rei feels like he's just standing on the sidelines watching, as whatever he tries to do to help his boyfriend, it doesn't seem to help. Makoto continues to attend his therapist sessions, continues to pay for the Zoloft pills he has to take in order to lessen the blow of his anxiety attacks that thankfully aren't as common these days as they were a few months ago.

One night before they go to sleep, they're just lying in bed in silence, Rei idly drawing circles on Makoto's chest with his index finger, and Makoto running his fingers through Rei's hair. It's nice, and Rei wouldn't mind to just let the silence go on until they both drift off to sleep. It's been a long day, and a pretty weird few days, and they both need to wind down before they have to work in the morning.

"Are you asleep?"

Rei shifts a little. "No."

"I think we should go out tomorrow evening. For dinner, that is. Like a date or something, because it feels like we haven't done that in forever."

Rei smiles to himself. "Last time was in Chuo, wasn't it? Sure, that sounds like a good idea. Do you have a place in mind?"

"There's a place pretty close by to the library I've been wanting to go to for a while. They've got maguro-don, something more up your alley."

"That's all they have that would suit my tastes?" he says, and can't help but smile even though he knows Makoto can't see it.

"No, of course not! They have—"

"I'm just kidding", Rei interrupts, laughing. "Yes, let's go. I feel bad over the fact that we don't do these things more often."

"Me too."

 

* * *

 

When Rei is about to head home from work the next day, he receives a call from Makoto. A little confused, he picks up.

"Makoto?"

" _Rei, I'm... I'm so sorry, but I'm— I'm heading over to Haru's. He called me._ "

Rei's eyes widen, and he leans back against the wall behind him. "Really? Oh, wow... I'm so relieved! Well, that's fine; go see him. I'll see you tonight. Tell him I said hi."

" _Yeah, and I will. Sorry about this, it's just... I feel like I shouldn't keep him waiting now that we haven't heard from him in months_."

"It's okay, really. Just go."

" _Okay. Love you!_ "

But Rei doesn't see Makoto that evening, because he returns after Rei's gone to bed and fallen asleep. By morning, he's out the door before Makoto's even woken up. He figures they'll have to talk later, possibly tonight. All that matters right now is that Haruka's finally made contact with them again, even if it  _was_ Makoto, technically. Things might finally start to move again, if only they continue to be patient and let Haruka do things at his own pace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sousuke interacting with anyone but Rin (and Haru, I guess)? Hello, I'm here for this. I feel like I'm just emphasising or exaggerating the things I felt there was a severe lack of in the anime. Don't know about you guys, but I think Rei and Sousuke would make great friends who keep rolling their eyes at their other friends. Probably just me, though. Of course, Sousuke and Makoto would probably make good friends, too, but seeing as Rei and Sousuke talked more in this chapter, that's what I went for.
> 
> Second thing: You may or may not have (well, now you have) noticed that I'm doing quite a few time skips. It may be disorienting or messy, and I apologise, but it's all for a good (well, could be argued) cause. A cause that basically just means I'm not aiming to drag this on for nearly a hundred chapters. Fifty, maybe, if I can stick to that nice and round number. But, somewhere around that, at least.
> 
> —
> 
> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


	43. A new beginning (again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto starts his second year at Gakudai, and hangs out with Haru more.

_Makoto_.

 

"I've looked all around town for this book! Thanks, man — you really saved me."

Makoto smiles, shaking his head. "Don't thank me, I didn't put it here. But you're welcome, I'm glad I could help you. Don't forget you have two weeks until you have to return it."

"Yeah, sure, I'll have it back by then. Thanks again!"

Having scanned the book and registered it under the guy who apparently also attends Gakudai, Makoto leans back in his chair and sighs, content. It's been a good day, a pretty long one, but still good. Having worked here for over a month now, Makoto's just about finished with his last day at the library, at least full-time. He doesn't know his timetable for the new term yet, so he isn't sure how much he'd be able to work whilst trying to balance his studies as well. In due time, he'll find out and try to figure something out to make things work for both him and Rei.

"Thanks for everything, Makoto-kun," Saori says as she approaches him with a smile. "It feels weird that you're not going to be here as often anymore."

"I feel the same. But if you want me to, I can probably come back and work part-time. Saturdays, at least."

Saori shakes her head. "I'd never let you work weekends, you should have those off. Besides, working weekends around here is  _super_ boring, you'd want to quit within a week. See if you can manage part-time on weekdays first of all, Makoto-kun. You're always welcome here, okay?"

And he _feels_ welcome. It's a strange feeling to have acquired in such a short amount of time, but he's thankful for it. For all of it, really. The pay hasn't been great, but it's at least helped him bring in money to keep food on the table and a roof over his and Rei's heads. Sure, they're still financially supported by their parents every month, and Makoto doesn't think it'll stop once he turns twenty in a few short months, but they're still keeping things together. And that's all that matters.

Autumn rolls around and colours the town red, yellow and orange. It doesn't do much to bring Makoto's mood up, as it's still getting colder, and winter's pretty much just around the corner again. His first classes are way worse than they were last year, and he finds himself with assignments to finish within the next two weeks already. He sighs when coming home one day after classes and coffee at the café by the station with Miyuki, Touka and Youhei, and kicks his shoes off in the hallway after entering.

"I'm home," he says, but he doesn't receive a reply. Rei might be working late again; it's something he has to do every now and then when they've got too many orders to finish even after shop closes for the day. Rei seems to be enjoying himself at La Campagne, though, and as long as there's enjoyment in it, Makoto can't complain or worry too much.

He sits down by the kotatsu and immediately feels restless. He's not in the mood to pull his textbooks out after just having ploughed through a lot of assignments and text at the library, so he leaves his bag in the hallway without unpacking its contents. Makoto fishes his phone out of his pocket, and after a bit of hesitation, he calls Haru.

" _Yes?_ " comes Haru's answer after only a few signals, and Makoto instantly smiles.

"Haru, hi! How are you?"

" _Good, I guess. You?_ "

He leans forward on the kotatsu table, humming. He's still a little baffled by the fact that he and Haru are talking again, and that things are at least somewhat normal between them. "Same here, the usual. Just a bit bored, I guess... Are you busy? I was wondering if it was okay if I came over."

Haru snorts, and Makoto can literally hear the amused grin on his face. Tease. " _Escaping your responsibilities?_ "

"No, I've been studying all afternoon," Makoto whines. "You  _can_ just say no, Haru."

" _It's fine. I'm home, just come by whenever you want to. You staying for dinner?_ "

Makoto turns his head and glances at the front door. He knows texting Rei and asking when he'll be home will be useless, as Rei doesn't even have his phone in his pocket at work, but keeps it in his jacket. He figures it'll be fine to just send Rei a text saying he's eating at Haru's; it doesn't happen very often, after all.

"Yeah. Thanks, Haru. I'll be over soon."

He hangs up, and gets up again to put his jacket and shoes back on. Before he leaves the apartment, he makes sure to send Rei a text explaining he's having dinner at Haru's but will be back tonight, as he's got classes tomorrow. He feels a little bad, but he's sure Rei would just say it's fine and that he should spend as much time as he can with Haru.

 

* * *

 

The train ride to Higashikoganei takes him five minutes, and the walk from the station takes him about the same time. He's getting less and less spoilt with having lived right next door to Haru for the majority of his life, and actually doesn't find the ten minute trip over to Haru's apartment all that long. Considering the fact that they  _could_ have ended up even further apart, he actually thinks it's nice. With his student travel card, it isn't too expensive, either, so unless he's busy with assignments or exam studying, he doesn't have a reason not to visit his friend, and the same obviously goes for Haru.

When he arrives and has rung the doorbell on Haru's door, he almost expects to have to enter by himself and pull his friend out of the tub, but Haru _does_ open the door, nodding at him in acknowledgement.

"Hey."

Makoto smiles. "Hi. Sorry for intruding."

Haru rolls his eyes and lets Makoto inside. "You're acting like you're a guest."

"But I _am_ a guest."

"You know what I mean. We've lived in Tokyo for over a year now, this is our new home. And by association, this is pretty much your second home. Or third."

Makoto laughs. "I guess so."

The two of them walk into Haru's spacious apartment, and Makoto sits down on the couch which still feels weird for Haru to have in his apartment. It's very different from the way he lived in Iwatobi, but Makoto knows there are probably reasons to things being so different from the house his parents left behind to him when they decided to become 'free spirits' and travel as they pleased. He remembers the last time he saw them, and how difficult it had been for Makoto to  _not_ sound sarcastic in every one of his replies to whatever they asked or told him. He figures it must've been ten times more difficult on Haruka, for different reasons, too.

Last time he sat in this very room, things had ended rather bitterly with him being forced to leave after having once again pushed his ideals and wishes onto his best friend. Being back here again reminds him of it, and he almost feels like he doesn't deserve to be there. He decides he'll just have to earn his place in Haru's home again, with them starting over once more after having a falling out. Even the best of friends argue and disagree on things, and he'd like to think that they're just as normal as other best friends are, even with their flaws and occasional arguments.

"So how was your day?" he asks while Haru goes into the kitchenette.

"Good, the usual," comes Haru's reply. "We're having an art exhibition at university soon. Do you want to come? I know it's far away, but I figured I'd ask."

Makoto's eyes widen. "Really?! Wow, that's amazing. Yes, I'd love to! When is it?"

"On Saturday. Are you sure? It's almost an hour by train."

"It's fine," Makoto says, waving Haru off. "How do  _you_ deal with having to go so far every day?"

Haru shrugs. "I like the train ride, I don't mind it."

"If you say so. Well, I'm definitely coming."

"You can bring Rei if you want, too."

Makoto lights up, and smiles. "Really? Oh, okay! I'm sure he'll want to go, too. But why is it so soon? Didn't we just start the term?"

"I know," Haru says. "Well, we have a few art pieces from the end of last year that our professors suggested we'd put up for it. Only if we wanted to. And I do."

"Oh. Well, I'm glad for you, and I'll definitely come, and bring Rei with me, as well."

"Good," Haru says, and he looks genuinely happy about it.

As expected from Haru, there's grilled mackerel, rice and stir-fried vegetables served for dinner. In all honesty, Makoto's kind of missed this, even though he and Rei occasionally have mackerel for breakfast on Sundays when they have more time to cook. While there's nothing wrong with his and Rei's cooking — yes, Makoto  _has_ improved — nothing can really beat Haru's. Haru's food tastes homely, like it's been cooked with great care, and it's strangely comforting, considering the way he grew up.

"Thanks for dinner", he says when he's finished, putting his chopsticks down and leaning back against the wall behind him with a content sigh. "You know, I really want to repay the favour one day. Invite you over to dinner or something."

Haru wrinkles his nose. "I'll pass, thanks."

"Hey! I can cook. Sort of. Rei helps."

"If Rei cooks, I'll come."

Makoto pouts, looking to the side whilst crossing his arms. Haru lets out a little laugh.

"Kidding. Just tell me when and I'll be there."

"Okay."

 

* * *

 

When Makoto comes back to the apartment, it's just past ten at night, and it's completely dark, all lights out except for the lamp on the hallway table, which Rei probably has left on to make it easier for Makoto to navigate his way through their little apartment. He does his best to not wake Rei as he takes his outerwear off and walks further into the apartment. Upon turning on the light, he sees a little note on the kotatsu table, which tells him there's a few pastries in the fridge that he can eat tomorrow if he wants. He smiles a little to himself; Rei's done this a few times, where he's brought home pastries that didn't sell during the day that they'd either have to take home or throw out. Mostly, Rei takes them home, since his boyfriend has a sweet tooth.

Makoto decides to  _not_ have himself a late night snack, and instead takes a Zoloft before he heads towards the bathroom for a quick shower before bed. He almost feels like he's sneaking into the house again after having been out without permission. It's a good thing he doesn't live at home with his parents anymore, and he knows Rei won't mind him being late, since it rarely happens, anyway.

When he tiptoes into the bedroom, he immediately hears the duvet rustle, and then he sees a familiar whirl of hair stick up in the light from the window, which makes him smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you", he says in a hushed voice. Rei turns on the light on his nightstand, and squints at the brightness of it.

"It's fine, I hadn't been asleep for very long. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," Makoto replies as he sits down on the bed. He kisses Rei on the side of the head. "Did you have a good day at work?"

"I did. How's Haruka-senpai holding up?"

Makoto shrugs. "He's doing better, I suppose. Oh, Haru wants to invite us to his art exhibition on Saturday. Do you want to go?"

Rei frowns, looking guilty. "I... I can't go. I have to work on Saturday. We're low on staff, and Junko asked me if I could work, with compensation. So I said yes. I'm sorry."

"Oh," Makoto says. "Well, if you have to, then there's nothing to do about it. And I'm sure Haru will have several other exhibitions we can go to. Is it okay if I go anyway?"

"Of course! Please tell Haruka-senpai that I'm sorry I can't be there. Take pictures if you're allowed to."

Makoto smiles and leans his head against Rei's. "I will. Now let's go to sleep so we won't oversleep tomorrow. You have to be up earlier than me, after all."

"You're right," Rei says and lies down again. Makoto gets up to put on a pair of boxers before returning to the bed and joining his boyfriend under the covers. Rei immediately snuggles up close to him, and Makoto puts an arm around Rei with a sigh through his nose.

"Good night, Rei", he whispers, but when he looks down, he notices Rei's already fallen asleep. He smiles to himself, and soon drifts off to sleep, too.


	44. Old and new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei is forced to work on a Saturday when Haruka has his first art exhibition. A week later, he, Nagisa and Gou visit Iwatobi SC during practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think you can tell where I was literally (not literally, god, that'd be dangerous) on fire and brimming with inspiration to write, and at what point I'd lost most of it and went back into my boring old writer state where it's just about or maybe below mediocre content coming out.

Junko's beyond apologetic when Rei walks in through the door to the pastry shop that Saturday morning. She walks right behind him as he goes in to put an apron on; like a dog following its master, except there's no whining. Not yet. Rei almost expects it to be there soon, if he doesn't say anything in response. Which, of course, he will, because he's Rei, and he's not capable of being mad at people for pulling him into work even if it's a Saturday and he's getting double the pay. Why  _should_ he be mad?

Okay, so there's Haruka's art exhibition at Tama Art Uni, a forty-something-minute ride away from Kokubunji and a part of Tokyo Rei has never been to. Tokyo's huge, and he's only ever been to the commercial parts of the capital, so of  _course_ he hasn't been there. But he wants to go, as much as he wants to earn more money for himself and Makoto so he won't feel like he's dragging them down more than he already probably is.

"It's okay," he says with a little sigh as he ties the apron behind his back and turns around again. Junko doesn't look convinced, but of course she doesn't, because even Rei heard how fake that sounded, how  _not_ okay it obviously is for him to be here on a weekend morning before five, before the iconic rooster crow at six that he's never even heard, since he doesn't live on the country side. He does wonder if that's actually something that happens in reality, or if it's just in film and fiction in general.

The thought of installing something that goes off every morning at six in the bakery with the sound of said rooster crow is one Rei quickly bats away, his nerdy self threatening to come out in full force when he isn't even wide awake yet.

"I'll buy you lunch as compensation," Junko replies, taking his hands in hers, and Rei fights back the urge to roll his eyes at her suggestion, or bribery. Is that legal for her, to bribe her workers with food? They do work in a bakery, after all, so maybe she gets away with it.

Junko's high ponytail is a little sloppy — Rei figures she must've done it in a hurry before leaving the house. Apartment? ... Tent? He knows so little about his boss (who doesn't like him calling her that, she wants him to say co-worker, because she practically  _is_ one) despite having worked here for a while, and he knows it's his fault for not having asked. Though, there's also that thing he seems to still have a problem with; asking questions that aren't  _too_ direct and  _too_ personal, and he wonders just how well she'd take a clumsy question from him. Probably with a laugh, but that's something he also wants to avoid for the sake of not burning up from embarrassment.

"You're already paying me in double, Junko-san," Rei reminds her. "There's no need for you to pay for my lunch as well. I told you it's okay, so let's just get to work and not dwell on this. Please?"

The added 'please' seems to make Junko give up on trying to butter Rei up and force him to make up lies saying it's okay when he doesn't even know if _it_ is okay yet. It's far too early to say, and he hasn't even started working yet. He'll have a definite answer either by lunch or by the end of his shift, and he hopes Junko won't pester him about it until then.

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, Junko leaves him to his own devices — mostly — and he has lunch with her in the back garden while Yuuichirou and Misato are in charge of the shop. Misato usually only works weekends, so this is the first time Rei's actually met her. He's secretly glad about that, because she's kind of scary. Not meeting-Touka-for-the-first-time kind of scary, but not far from it, either. He wonders how Makoto reacted when he first met his friend, but is also aware of Makoto's weird powers of befriending even the most stoic or intimidating people, so he isn't actually too surprised at the development of their friendship.

"So, Rei," Junko says and puts down her empty bento on the table, "how's Haruka doing? Better?"

Rei rolls his eyes, this time unable to hold it back. "You must really enjoy having me work here."

She shakes her head. "That wasn't my intention. I do, but I'm not using you for information, if that's what you think. We're talking about my nephew, after all, of course I'd be worried about him. I've told you before, I'm not... like his parents. I actually care about Haruka, and I want him to be okay, to make sure he is. But I'd understand if he doesn't want me around since I'm his mother's sister. Association like that sucks sometimes, I have to admit, but there isn't anything I can do about it."

Why she's telling him all this, Rei has no idea. Maybe she's just looking for someone to vent to, and he's obviously the only one nearby. It just feels like it happens a little too often for it to be coincidental. One thing he knows is that he isn't going to relent and tell her where Haruka lives. Again, it isn't as if he's scared of what she'd do — he's pretty sure Junko  _is_ telling him the truth. But the fact of the matter is that he doesn't know what Haruka thinks of her, of having her in his life. And as long as he doesn't, and hasn't been given a green light to act as the middle man, he refrains from saying anything.

The rest of his Saturday shift passes by almost painlessly, with one particularly busy period of two hours with the entire shop filled with people, but otherwise a pretty okay shift. Adding onto the bonus of extra pay, Rei can't really complain, despite the shortage on staff. Even so, he doesn't want to work weekends again unless it's absolutely necessary and they  _really_ need the help, because he obviously values what little time he has with Makoto, with both of them being busy on weekdays.

Rei comes back home after having done some grocery shopping at one of the family marts near the station, and for a second wonders where Makoto could be, before he realises Makoto's probably still either at the exhibition or on his way home. He takes his phone out and decides to send Makoto a text, hoping his boyfriend at least remembered to put his phone on silent.

 **You** :

_Are you still at Haruka-senpai's art exhibition? Was wondering if you're coming home for dinner._

He stuffs his phone into his pocket and goes into the kitchen to start preparing dinner, and it doesn't take long before his phone buzzes with a reply. So having only just managed to wash his hands, Rei picks his phone back up.

 **Makoto** :

 _I'm on my way home! See you soon_.

Rei nods to himself once, continuing where he left off. He's making them oyakodon bowls, with a pre-made broth since he isn't legal to buy the sake and mirin needed. Soon enough, Makoto's going to be twenty, and that also means he'll be legal to buy them cooking alcohol. Probably the other kind, too, but Rei doesn't know if he's really that much of a drinking person. Having grown up in a pretty strict household where his parents only had alcohol on very special occasions, he isn't too familiar with it to begin with.

When he's just putting the raw egg yolks into the bowls, he hears a key turn in the lock, and turns his head around to see Makoto come in through the door. Makoto greets him with his usual smile and comes inside, closing the door behind him.

"I'm home," he says.

"Welcome home," Rei replies, a routine quickly established between the two which Rei really likes, for some reason. It feels special, more so now that they're on pretty different schedules and don't see each other as often as they used to.

Once Makoto's had a chance to come home properly and sit down by the kotatsu, the two of them have dinner. Rei's lunch had been filling for about an hour, but he'd quickly gotten hungry again, and had to go the last three hours after lunch with an occasionally rumbling stomach. So dinner probably tastes a lot better to him now than it usually would with him just being 'regular' hungry.

"How was Haruka-senpai's art exhibition?" he asks, and Makoto almost instantly lights up.

"Oh, it was really good. I wish you could've been there. I took photos, by the way," Makoto replies and takes his phone out, showing Rei pictures of different sculptures and paintings; abstract ones, landscapes, cityscapes, portraits, some in coal — exactly what you'd expect to see at an art exhibition. Exactly the kind of things Rei would  _love_ to see with his own eyes, yet he'd been too busy with work all day to attend his friend's first art exhibition. Yes, he's still upset about that, and he really does hope Haruka has another one coming up in the not too distant future. 

After dinner, Rei and Makoto take turns using the shower. Rei realises their bath tub hasn't been used in a while, but that might also be because of how tired they usually are when they come home after a long day, and showers usually take less time, since you don't have to wait for the water to fill up, and you don't need to sit and soak in the water until it gets cold. It feels a little weird to go to bed so early, but it's evident that they both need it. Besides, they still have many other weekends when they can go to bed late and sleep in, something Rei plans on doing this Sunday morning.

When Rei comes back out from the shower and gets into the bedroom, Makoto's already fallen asleep. He shrugs and goes to put on a pair of boxers before crawling in under the duvet as well. He crawls close to his boyfriend, slowly running his nose up Makoto's back and pressing a kiss to his neck before closing his eyes and trying to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The following week at work could more or less be called 'hell week' as far as Rei's concerned. Makoto might agree, since he's got his schedule packed with studying, assignments due, and a lot of material to get through for exams. Of course, this also cuts their quality time short, as Makoto spends most of his evenings at the library. One afternoon when Rei feels lonely in particular, he decides to call his old team mates and plan a surprise visit to the swim club.

" _I love this idea, good thinking, Rei-chan! I'll meet you by the station,_ " is Nagisa's reply. Gou is almost as enthusiastic as their blond friend, and says she'll also come to meet the both of them by the station, which puts a smile on Rei's face as he sits through the hour long train ride from Kokubunji. It reminds him of his rides to school not too long ago, and in a way, he's glad it doesn't take him an hour to get to work. One, because that would mean he'd have to get up at an absurd time when the sun hasn't even risen yet. Two, because he's gotten quite tired of having to commute such great distances. He's okay with it if it means seeing friends, since that means pleasure rather than 'business'.

Rei arrives at Iwatobi station just around half past five in the afternoon, which means they have another half hour to make it to Iwatobi's pool grounds before the team go home for the day. He quickly finds both Gou and Nagisa waiting for him outside, and they reunite in a group hug, Nagisa of course being the extra clingy one, which Rei doesn't mind.

"It's so good to see you!" Gou says. "How are things at the pastry shop?"

"Good, good. A little hectic at times, but that's the way it's supposed to be. A healthy balance between lazy and hectic days. How are you guys doing? Wait, let's talk while we're getting over to Iwatobi High", he suggests, and the three of them walk towards their old high school while talking about what's currently going on in their lives.

Nagisa's working at one of the beach shops downtown, but he says he doesn't think that job will last much longer since he's got a relative who's able to fix him in with a public relations company. It certainly isn't anything Rei could ever see Nagisa work with, but his outgoing and charismatic personality would definitely be cut for such a profession. And who knows, maybe Rei's assumptions about his best friend will be blown out of the water. At this point, that wouldn't actually surprise him.

Gou, on the other hand, is taking the higher road, studying business at Tottori University of Environmental Studies. It's far from what Rei, Nagisa and probably anyone else they know would have ever expected, and Rei can't help but smile at her feeling insulted by it.

"It isn't that we underestimate your intelligence, Gou-san," he reassures her with a pat on the shoulder as they round the corner to the gates into Iwatobi High School. "I just never expected you to go into business."

"Because I'm a muscle freak," she grumbles, and Nagisa nudges her shoulder lightly with his own. 

"You are, and we love you for it. I always thought you were smart. I mean, just look at those monster regimens you put together for us, with the dietary plans and all that. You were a devil, but a really good one."

Gou tries to keep her pout, but it quickly dissolves into a smile, and she rolls her eyes. "Well, it took us to nationals, didn't it?"

The three of them arrive outside the pool grounds, standing just outside the fence and peeking in. They see two new guys in the pool with Kei and Nobuo, and from the looks of it, they're good. Really good. Rei immediately discovers that they've synchronised really well in their relay, especially with the exchanges. It makes him miss those days a little, but he also knows he wouldn't want to back into swimming that way. Every now and then for leisure is about as much as he would be willing to do, and he's got other things to think about these days.

"Shouldn't we go in?" Nagisa hisses next to Rei.

"Let's wait until they've finished the race," Gou mumbles back. "I'd feel bad if we distracted them or something."

It doesn't take long before they finish, one of the new guys having taken over Rei's position on freestyle. The team gather in a ring, and Nobuo talks to them about something Rei can't hear. It makes him strangely proud to see Nobuo take on the role so well; he knew he'd made the right decision in giving the role over to the younger butterfly swimmer.

When they eventually approach the team, Nobuo's face lights up like a light-bulb borderline hospital fluorescent lights, and Kei just stares at them in disbelief, still the quiet type from their own days with the team.

"Missed us?" comes Nagisa's voice, and then Nobuo's practically running up towards them, crashing right into Rei who nearly topples over from the sudden impact.

"Took you long enough! I was beginning to wonder if you'd forgotten about us", Nobuo says when he separates himself from Rei, wearing a big, bright grin on his face. "Let me introduce our new team members. These are our former senpai, Matsuoka Gou, Hazuki Nagisa and former captain Ryuugazaki Rei", he presents them so diligently Rei almost feels embarrassed. "And our two new additions; this is Umehara Kousuke, breaststroke, and Koyama Shintarou on butterfly."

The two guys bow politely at them; that, too, in sync. Rei bites back a laugh, and Nagisa hums, sounding impressed, while not-so-subtly eyeing the guy who's taken up his old spot. "Do you guys happen to call him Kou-chan, perchance?"

Kousuke and Shintarou exchange glances, and Gou kicks Nagisa in the shin, making him groan in pain. _Well deserved_ , Rei thinks to himself.

"We don't really... have nicknames," Kousuke replies slowly, as if it just now hit him that such a possibility exists, and Rei feels sorry for him, for some reason. He clears his throat and decides to change the subject.

"Anyway, it's nice to meet you two! How are you enjoying practices?" Rei asks, changing the topic, and he sees Gou giving him a grateful look in the corner of his eye.

"Oh, it's great, and our senpai are really nice," Shintarou states enthusiastically. "We saw your team swim and win nationals last year, and we were really impressed, thinking we'd want to join. Be a part of something like that... sort of."

Rei feels an elbow in his side, and when he looks towards the source of it, he finds Nagisa grinning at him. "Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

It does. A year ago, a very similar thing had happened when they'd been approached by Kei and Nobuo who wanted to join the team and expand the Iwatobi swim team from three to five members, with four swimmers. Nobuo had told them they watched the previous team in the national tournament, and now the circle's complete, things are repeating themselves, but not quite in the same way. Haruka and Makoto had been replaced by Kei and Nobuo, but otherwise, Rei and Nagisa had stayed.

It's fun to see that a club that had once been disbanded due to lack of interest, is now once again active and has been for the past three years with enough members, and a team that continues to go far and put Iwatobi's name on the map over Japan's best high school teams. A legacy that went through Makoto, through Rei, and will soon go through Nobuo.

The three former seniors let the team go back into the showers to wash up and get changed before they come out and the big group continue their little talk. It's a shame the club's advisor — Rei hopes it's still Amakata-sensei, but after these three years, it could very well be someone else — had already gone home by the time Rei, Nagisa and Gou arrived, because he would've loved to meet them. He wonders just how often he and his friends will be able to visit in the coming future, and also wondering whether or not Makoto and Haruka would want to come along.

When it's gotten near pitch black out after roughly an hour of them having talked and gotten to know each other a little, the group decides to go home, as the team members probably have to do homework and other high school related things. Dinner sounds like a good idea, too, Rei realises — as it's past six and he's yet to eat something. He figures he'll have dinner out somewhere with Gou and Nagisa, and the odd group of people say farewell and go their separate ways.

"Well," Nagisa says as he stretches his upper body with an almost too loud yawn and what sounds like a moan, "I'm glad you suggested this, Rei-chan. It was super fun to meet those guys, and to see Nobu-chan and Kei-chan again."

"It was," Gou agrees. "We three have to get better at hanging out. I know it's a far ride for you, Rei, but Nagisa and I can come visit you, too. You and Makoto-senpai, of course."

Rei nods, smiling a little as they walk away from the school grounds. When he suggests dinner out in town, Nagisa, of course, cheers.


	45. Façade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haru starts feeling inconvenienced by his current situation, and Makoto's twentieth birthday is coming up soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last time I wrote a chapter in Haru's POV was [chapter 9](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2426096/chapters/5881196). I can't believe it's that long. With this [ other fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4559934/chapters/10381707) I'm currently writing, I've sort of fallen in love with writing from Haru's point of view, so maybe you can tell I'm excited to do it again in this story.
> 
> This is released earlier than usual because I'll be moving on the day I'm supposed to update (still waiting for scheduled updates, AO3...), and I don't know when I'll have internet again. Happy Christmas... I suppose? Haha. Ahem.

_Haruka_.

 

Haru has started to dislike that it’s become commonplace for Makoto to come over to his place so often, and sometimes even staying the night. At first, he didn’t have any problems with it — it’s very much reminiscent of the way things used to be between them back in Iwatobi, and he definitely didn't have a problem with the way things were back then. But this isn’t back in Iwatobi. This is in Tokyo, and Makoto has someone else he could come home to, and sleep next in bed to.

To this day, it still hurts to think about, but Haru finds it’s gotten a little easier to deal with. Especially since up until recently, they didn’t see each other nearly as often as they did when they lived in Iwatobi. But after his failure to reach the Olympic trials, Makoto’s been here several times a week, and it feels like it’s more out of pity than a friendly visit, even though it's been several months since him announcing his early retirement from professional swimming.

Haruka watches as Makoto takes away their dishes after dinner; Makoto had insisted on taking care of it since Haru cooked dinner in the first place. Haru, of course, doesn’t really mind it — but what he _does_ mind is this strange routine they seem to have formed. He has a lot of questions in his head that he wants answers to, but figures he’ll start out slow.

“Makoto.”

“Yeah?” The brunet turns around, plates stacked in his hands. Haru hesitates a little, unsure of how to formulate his words as to not make them come out in a rude way, or in a way that makes Makoto unwilling to answer him truthfully.

“Shouldn’t you be spending more time at home with Rei?”

“What do you mean?”

“You come over here pretty much every other day now, and you tend to spend the night often, too. Doesn’t Rei wonder why you’re not home as much anymore?”

Makoto stands still for a moment, but then shrugs. “He doesn’t seem to mind. I always tell him whenever I’m going over to see you, and I obviously tell him when I’m staying the night. It’s too inconvenient having to take a taxi back home, anyway, since the trains always stop running before I go back home. And it's winter, which means snow, darkness and cold.”

 _Isn’t he staying late on purpose, though_? Haru thinks to himself, feeling like Makoto's just making up excuses in order to be allowed to continue coming and staying over. “Are you sure he doesn’t mind?”

“Does it bother you that I’m here? Do you want me to stop coming by so often?”

Haru chews on the inside of his cheek and lets out a sigh through his nose, wondering what’s got Makoto so evasive all of a sudden. This is a discussion he doesn’t really want to have today, if ever, really. But one day, he knows he’ll have to. Step by step. “That’s not it. I’m just saying I think you should spend more time with Rei as well. I’m glad you want to spend time with me, too, but you need to balance it out better.”

"Maybe I do," Makoto says slowly. "I'm just... glad we're hanging out again, you know?"

"It's been two months, but I can't say I disagree," Haru says, knowing this conversation won't go anywhere if he continues it, so he decides to put an end to things. "Anyway, I'll go to prepare your futon. You can go take a bath before me while I do."

He goes up the stairs to rummage through his hallway closets for the necessities to make Makoto's futon for the night. For the night, he tells himself, but he's pretty sure he'll have to pull it out again soon. Haru hates how weak he is to Makoto's pleading, how it's so  _easy_ for Makoto to just ask him something and for him to pretend like he doesn't want to, but eventually relenting. It's a vicious cycle Haru doesn't know just how to break, and a tiny part of him doesn't even want to.

Haru feels bad for Rei, too. He can't even begin to think what Rei must feel about Makoto spending less and less time at home, and he wonders if he really buys Makoto's excuses. Haru doesn't even know himself why Makoto feels the need to be here so often, but it's started to bother him, because he feels like Makoto's mostly doing it out of guilt. Maybe he feels guilty for not having spent too much time with his best friend before, or maybe it's because he feels like he hasn't been supportive enough with this whole swimming business. Haru doesn't know, and he isn't so sure he'd  _want_ to know, either. So maybe that's why he just turns a blind eye to it and lets it happen.

Makoto's birthday is slowly coming up, and Haru doesn't know just what to get his friend. It's his twentieth birthday, after all, and it's something quite big to celebrate for several reasons. It's the age of emancipation, of being 'free' from the claws of your parents, being able to do pretty much whatever you want. If he's to go along  _that_ theme, Haru doesn't have a clue as to what he could get Makoto. Something for the apartment? Well, he  _could_ combine their birthdays since they're just weeks apart, but he also wants to celebrate them separately. It's something he'll have to think about when he  _isn't_ spending time with Makoto. Whenever that would be.

They go to bed around eleven that night after both having taken a bath, which is a little later than Haru would've preferred, but he doesn't say anything. Makoto's going to get up at the same time as him despite not needing to, not wanting to stay when Haru isn't there. Makoto wouldn't have minded to stay behind had they still lived in Iwatobi, but it doesn't really matter to Haru whichever his friend chooses. Makoto has to go to class the next day, anyway, and maybe he's going to stop by his own place before doing so. Haru almost hopes that's the case.

He wonders if he should talk to Rei, but he doesn't know what he'd say if he did, without spilling out too many of his inner thoughts that not even Makoto knows about. Haruka absolutely  _hates_ being caught in between these two, and he feels like it's only going to get worse if he doesn't do anything about it. But what can he do? Even if he  _is_ caught in between them, he's still an outsider. He's just someone who's friends with two people in love, and also happens to have an unrequited crush on one of them.

 

* * *

 

The week progresses slowly, but it isn't too bad. The days after his art exhibition, he's gotten a few calls from people who had either gone to it themselves or seen photos in the local newspaper, and they want him to do commissions for them. As things are right now with his studies, he could very well handle doing commissions on top of it, but he fears it might just get a lot more hectic soon, and that he wouldn't be able to. Having an additional source of income on top of his student loans and financial aid would be nice, that's for sure, so it's something he decides to go and talk to his personal tutor about.

"Well, art commissions would be, like you say, extra work, because we cannot give you extra credit for those, or have them replace other assignments. We do encourage students to take commissions, however, if they feel like they can. It's extra money, it gives you more experience while you are still studying, and it could help you get a foot in the door of the art industry."

Haru nods slowly. "So I won't get in trouble if I do commissions while studying?"

"No, no! Your commissions have nothing to do with what you do here, and of course, we cannot be held responsible for anything that might go wrong with your commission, be it your client not being satisfied, or you not getting paid for what you have already put hours of work into. As I hope you are aware of before deciding to do anything like this."

"Okay. Well, I'll think about it before I decide on anything. Thank you for letting me know, sensei."

"Anytime, Nanase-kun."

He attends a lecture in art history after lunch, during which he nearly falls asleep but is thankfully poked in the side by Asahina sitting next to him. She's nice, not as extroverted and loud as some of the others in his group, and lets him borrow her notes whenever he's been home — skipping, which he doesn't tell her, of course — or when they're just sharing notes in between each other in case the other missed something. It gets him through his classes, and he guesses it's the same for her, too.

Haruka leaves campus around three that afternoon and decides to give Nagisa a call, hoping he could help Haru find something for Makoto's birthday.

" _Hello?_ "

"Nagisa. Are you in Iwatobi?"

" _Haru-chan_!" He has to hold his phone away from his ear for a few seconds as Nagisa shrieks into the phone, and he grimaces at the loud voume. " _I'm so glad to hear from you! What's up?_ "

"I was thinking of coming to Iwatobi. Need to get something for Makoto's birthday."

" _Oh! Well, I need to get something, too, so that works out perfectly. When can you be here?_ "

 

* * *

 

Haru arrives in Iwatobi approximately an hour later, and then he walks down pretty much every street in the shopping district of Iwatobi. Not that he'd  _call_ it that, but that's what people who aren't from Iwatobi call it, and it's a little easier to say than "those streets with shops and stuff". He prevents Nagisa from buying Makoto sex toys, because he knows Makoto would be far too mortified to use them, even if Rei might be interested in it. It's for Makoto, after all, and sex toys definitely wouldn't be a good thing to give to someone like Makoto.

Instead, Nagisa buys Makoto a pair of Sennheiser headphones, "green like those eyes of his — romantic, huh?", and Haru settles for getting him a new wristwatch. He knows Rei got one for his birthday last year from Makoto's parents, but Makoto  _still_ has that hideous, orange thing on his wrist from god knows  _how_ many years ago. First year of high school? Probably earlier than that, even. That thing has got to go, and Haru's going to make it easier for Makoto to get rid of it. Well, hopefully — that is, if Makoto even likes this new one he's going to get for his birthday.

"Oh, I'm sure he'll  _love_ it, Haru-chan," Nagisa says, sounding impressed. "I'm surprised, though; I didn't think you'd get him something like  _this_."

Haru raises an eyebrow at his friend. "Really? Then what did you think I'd get him?"

"I don't know, a month's worth of a healthy, daily serving of mackerel? Three months?"

"Very funny."

The two of them decide to go get something to drink at a nearby coffee shop. Haru orders regular tea while Nagisa gets some kind of sugar bomb he has the audacity to call 'coffee'. That isn't coffee no matter _how_ you look at it, and whatever you think it may smell. Because it smells like a sweets factory, and looks like something some suspicious guy would whip together for you behind the bar at a party, only for you to realise far too late that he's slipped something weird into it, and _that's_ why it looked so odd. Haru looks in not-so-mild disgust at Nagisa as he sips on his drink and smiles as if he's on cloud nine.

"Gross."

"It's not _gross_ ," Nagisa protests, and scoots the mug across the table. "Taste it!"

"No. I would get cavities."

"I'll pay your dental bill. Just try it! Please?"

Haruka rolls his eyes. "Over my dead body, Nagisa. I hate sweet things."

Nagisa pouts and pulls his mug back to sip on his drink with an accusatory glare Haruka's way. "You must be fun at parties."

"At least I keep myself from getting drugged."

"I'm not getting myself  _drugged_ because of my coffee! And nothing else, either. I'm smarter than that."

Haru knows he is, but he pretends like he's doubting Nagisa's words, which just makes Nagisa's frown deepen. Haru bites back a smile at that.

 

* * *

 

It's Wednesday, and a certain someone's birthday comes up on Sunday. Makoto's had a half-day, and Haru had his entire day off, which they could use to study for upcoming tests. And he  _has_ been studying, it's just that it's a little difficult to study when you have someone over. Especially when that someone is your best friend slash crush since several years back, if not longer. Makoto doesn't even have to do much, which is the frustrating part. Just being there is enough to make Haru's concentration crack every now and then, and he has to re-read a paragraph or an entire page. But of course, Haru isn't going to ask him to leave, because how would he explain things without turning it into a discussion or even an argument?

"I'll go make tea," he says and gets up from his spot by the kotatsu. Makoto looks up at him from his laptop and gets up as well, which Haru had almost expected to happen.

"I'll help."

"It's fine," Haru mutters as he goes out into the kitchen to take down his tea set from the cupboard.

It doesn't take long before he feels  _someone_ lightly pressed up against his back, and he sees two arms stretch out in front of him to help take them down. He would've appreciated the help had he  _asked_ , but he specifically told Makoto he didn't need help. Makoto's usually never this stubborn, and gives in after Haru tells him off once. He frowns and turns around as Makoto places the tea pot and two cups down on the counter with that smile of his that could revive dead plants.

"I thought I told you I didn't need help."

"I know, but I wanted to help."

"Why are you so persistent?"

He glares up at Makoto, who sighs, and the look on his face almost scares Haru. "You really don't get it, do you, Haru."

Haru's just about to respond when he realises he doesn't know how to. Far too late does he react when Makoto's face is suddenly _right_ in front of him, and he's trapped between two strong arms with his back against his kitchen counter. When Haru  _does_ realise what's going on, he grabs Makoto's wrists and pushes him off.

"What are you  _doing_?!"

"Haru, I—"

"What about Rei? Why aren't you thinking about whether  _I_ would want this or not?!"

Haruka knows that the sheer shock has him practically yelling at Makoto right now, but he doesn't care to adjust his volume. He doesn't owe Makoto anything, he doesn't have to be courteous, to be polite in his refusal. This shouldn't be so difficult for Makoto to understand, so why is it? Haru had been millimetres away from Makoto's face just now, and had he  _not_ done anything, Makoto would've kissed him, and they'd  _never_ be able to go back to being just friends.

He wonders if they can even now.

"I want this," Makoto says in a soft voice, gaze fixed on Haru to prove how serious he is. It sickens and almost scares Haru. "Don't you?"

"You  _don't_ want this," Haru bites back. "You're confused."

"What do you know about how I feel?!" Makoto bristles. "How do you know what I want?"

"So you want to break up with Rei, is that what you want? Do you want to move out of the apartment, do you want  _him_ to? Do you honestly want to throw all of that away when you don't even know if I'll want to be with you after everything that's happened?"

Makoto doesn't answer.

Haru walks out of the kitchen without preparing tea, because he doesn't want any. And Makoto isn't staying, no matter what he may say to or ask of Haru in an attempt to flee reality. He can't have both Rei and Haru at the same time, he has to choose. And even if he  _does_ choose Haru, he's not sure he'd want to welcome Makoto with open arms. Makoto had his chance years ago, but had already started dating Rei. That in and of itself was him making a choice. Haru doesn't want to be Makoto's plan B, he wanted to be Makoto's first choice, and now it's too late for that.

"You should probably go," he says. "And I don't want to see you until Sunday. Because I have to see you then, or Rei will suspect things. Unless you want him to."

He knows Makoto doesn't want that.

Makoto leaves without another word, and when Haru's shut and locked the door behind him, he goes straight into the bedroom without showering, without even brushing his teeth, and dives in under the duvet. He doesn't mind if he oversleeps tomorrow, because he probably won't be in much of a mood to attend class, anyway.


	46. Boiling point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto's twentieth birthday is celebrated at Haruka's house, during which Rei's worries and suspicions grow. Rei later flies up to Sapporo to spend a weekend with his brother and his family.

On Makoto's birthday — which thankfully landed on a Sunday this year — the four of them including Gou are gathered in Haruka's apartment. Since Haruka's place is bigger than Rei's and Makoto's, and Nagisa not even having his own place, this was the natural result. Not that Rei doesn't feel bad about that, of course. It was probably written in the stars that Haruka would be held responsible for hosting Makoto's birthday party, and Makoto  _does_  seem to feel bad about it, even though he's got nothing to do with it.

"We can leave early if you want," Makoto says as Haru pulls out his laptop for them to call Rin on Skype.

"Don't have to. It's your birthday."

Makoto shrugs. "Okay. Well, thank you so much for everything, though! Dinner was amazing, more than I could've ever wished for."

Haruka nods stiffly in response. "You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Rei tunes their conversation out in favour of attempting to listen to Nagisa rambling on about something probably work related. Maybe it's just his imagination, but Rei feels like Haruka's trying to distance himself a little from Makoto, but either Makoto's too dense to see it, he's ignoring it, or he's deliberately trying to close the gap between them. Either way, it looks a little odd to Rei, but he does his best to try and _not_ blatantly stare at them making stilted conversation. Adding onto the way Makoto had acted the other day, he figures they must've just had a fight or something. It probably isn't something they _can't_ fix, but Rei can't help but worry, anyway.

Soon enough, they call Rin, who isn't late on wishing Makoto a happy birthday and once again saying how sorry he is for not being able to join them. As always, Makoto waves him off dismissively with a smile and says that it's fine, even if Rin begs to differ on it. Rei finds their bickering a little cute, even.

Rin tells them he has a race coming up next week, and somehow manages to tell them the exact date and time over Nagisa's excited screaming. Not too long after, they finish their Skype call with Rin, and Makoto, Rei and Nagisa decide it's about time to leave for the night. They all have to get up early the next morning for classes or work, and Haru has to get up even earlier than them considering he has a forty minute train ride to take to his campus.

"Thank you for  _finally_  letting me see your place, Haru-chan!" Nagisa says as he hugs Haruka, who seems taken aback by his friend's sudden jump at him.

"Nagisa, that's—"

"It's fine, Makoto. You're welcome back again, Nagisa. Just not  _too_  often."

"Fine by me. I'm a good guest, just ask Rei-chan and Mako-chan."

Rei laughs a little. "You are a good guest when you aren't giving people odd house-warming gifts—"

"Let's not bring that up again, Rei," Makoto interrupts with a sigh. "Thank you so much, Haru. I couldn't have wished for a better birthday, really."

Haruka averts his gaze, and _there it is again_. That weird look he got earlier; Rei wonders if it's just because of Haruka's feelings towards Makoto. It's just odd, because he hasn't looked like that around Makoto since at least Makoto's and Haruka's last year of high school. He tries to shake the thought out of his head for now, as they say goodbye to Haruka and head towards the train station.

When he and Makoto have gone to bed that night, Rei can't help his worries and curiosity, and texts Nagisa.

 **You** :

_Is it just me, or does something seem to have happened between Makoto and Haruka-senpai?_

It doesn't take very long before a reply buzzes in his phone. He turns his head around to make sure Makoto hasn't woken up, but he's out like a light, thankfully. He turns his attention back to his phone to read Nagisa's reply.

 **Nagisa-kun** :

_I noticed that, too! Do you think they'll be okay?_

Rei wonders, but he isn't so sure. The two of them have managed to get over obstacles like these in the past, but this one just seems a little different with the way they're acting around each other. He knows he doesn't have the right to stick his nose in their business, but the urge just keeps growing.

 **You** :

 _I don't know. I hope so_.

Any other response would've just been an outright lie, and Rei doesn't want to do that to his best friend.

 

* * *

 

Rei continues working at A la Campagne every weekday as usual, occasionally having to work overtime but getting paid almost _too_ much at times as an attempt at an apology by Junko. They've gotten really close in the few months Rei has worked there, and he's become quite good friends with Yuuichirou, as well. Even though he's quite different from Rei, the two of them still always manage to find something to talk about when things are moving a little slow at the pastry shop. In short, he considers himself happy with his work situation, and is eternally grateful to Haruka for having given him the advice to go there to begin with.

He can't really say what he feels about his home situation, however, since he doesn't really know what his home situation  _is_. He barely ever sees Makoto anymore; either he's staying at the library, hanging out with his course mates, or he's at Haruka's. It wasn't until just before Makoto's birthday that things seemed to drastically change, when Makoto actually started coming home more often. There's still a weird, tense air lingering between them, and Rei has no idea how to make it dissipate, how to talk to Makoto about it.

Makoto comes into their bedroom when Rei's sitting up and reading from one of the books Jun and Yuiko had sent to them since "they didn't need them anymore". Well, at least Rei finds the one he's currently reading interesting, so it wasn't a complete waste of space in their little bookcase. He looks up when Makoto walks in, but Makoto just sits down on the bed with his back turned to Rei with a sigh.

"Long day?" Rei tries.

"Yeah. Sorry, I'm just gonna go to bed. We'll have all weekend to catch up and do something if you want, though."

 _If you want_. Doesn't Makoto want that for them, as well? Or is Rei alone in trying to keep this relationship afloat, trying to keep them from having to actually separate? How else would they be able to go about their lives, attend classes, go to work, properly function like human beings? Maybe that's just something that would affect Rei, though; at least that's how he feels about things right now. Like Makoto doesn't actually care about whether or not their relationship goes on or if it ends, if it runs out in the sand.

"If you say so," Rei says. "Listen, I've... been meaning to ask. Did something happen between you and Haruka-senpai? Things seemed a little tense at your birthday party, and it wasn't that long ago that you made up."

Makoto stays silent for a few seconds, but then he sighs. "It's nothing, we just had a little argument. I'm going to talk to him about it soon, don't worry about it."

"Okay," is Rei's response before he turns off his bedside lamp, puts down his book and his glasses on top of it, and lies down with his back turned to Makoto. "Good night."

"Night." 

 _It's probably nothing_ , he tries telling himself. _It's probably just your inner voices trying to mess with your head_. Oh, how he wishes he could believe his own words. When he realises he can't, and when he's once again left alone on a Friday evening with nothing to do but watch TV or sit and be lazy with his laptop, he decides to give his brother a call. It both is and isn't a call he wants to make, but in the end knows is probably for the best. Maybe a little _proper_ , physical distance will do them good.

Or the opposite.

" _Hello, this is Kengo_." As professional as ever. Rei bites back a relieved laugh.

"Nii-san, it's me. Rei. I hope I'm not disturbing you."

" _Rei! Oh, oh no. No, I'm free. Something up?_ "

He chews on his lower lip, answering hesitantly. "It's a bit of a long story. Is it possible for me to come and stay for a night?"

" _What happened, Rei? And of course, you can stay the entire weekend if you want. But are you okay?_ "

"I will be," he says, and he wonders if at least Kengo will believe his words, because at this point, he doesn't even believe in them himself. "I will try and take a flight as soon as I can. Could you pick me up from the airport?"

 

* * *

 

The flight, paid for by his ever so amazing brother, takes Rei just over an hour and a half, and with only a cabin bag with him, he walks right past the baggage claim and out into the arrival hall where he almost immediately spots his brother who waves over-enthusiastically at his little brother.

"Welcome to Sapporo, Rei!" he says as if Rei's arrived in another  _country_ , but it's just a part of Japan he's never been to. So maybe it's still like visiting another country — he has no idea. He'll probably find out soon, though.

He walks up to Kengo, and the two hug for probably a minute before Kengo lets go and ruffles Rei's hair. "I can't believe you're finally here. I'm so glad you decided to come!"

"I'm sorry for coming on such short notice, though," Rei says. "I just... needed to get away for a while."

Kengo frowns in concern. "It... sounds like a lot's happened. Want to get something to eat before we get out of here? We can talk while eating. I haven't had lunch yet."

The two of them decide on having sushi, and while Rei doesn't really have much of an appetite, he forces himself to at least have the miso provided with his meal. Eating just feels like a chore, like he's doing it to please anyone but himself. He fights the sudden impulse to flip his plate over and have his remaining sushi scatter across the table, and he sighs.

"Tell me what's happened," Kengo says. "From the beginning."

So he does, at least to the best of his abilities. He talks about how he feels like he and Makoto are slowly drifting apart — maybe  _growing_ apart, even — how things just started changing drastically between them after what happened with Haruka. Kengo listens, doesn't interrupt but just nods and hums in acknowledgement every now and then. The longer Rei goes on, the harder it gets to keep his voice steady, and when he's  _completely_ unable to continue talking, he stops, and Kengo sighs.

"You need to properly talk to him, Rei. I know you're scared because of his anxiety, but you can ease him into talking about it. There's no need to jump right into things, and you know that. I think you're just scared of confrontation. Either that or you're still in denial."

Rei frowns. "I'm not in denial. I know very well what's going on, and I'm scared."

"Yes, you're scared, exactly. But you won't know things go unless you _do_ talk to him. You can't let things go on like this. I know it takes two to 'tango', so to speak, but one of you have to initiate it. And if you keep waiting for  _him_ to ask you for a dance, you'll probably be disappointed."

"Can you _please_ drop the dance analogies?" Rei complains and puts his face in his hands, and Kengo laughs a little.

"Sorry. But I'm serious, Rei. You can't keep sweeping things under the rug, because it  _will_ come back to bite you eventually."

Kengo doesn't have to continue, because Rei knows the following words very well.  _Before it's too late_. He wonders if it isn't already too late, if Makoto's going to dump him as soon as he comes back home. Makoto can  _not_ be happy about coming home to find a note on their kotatsu about Rei going to Sapporo for the weekend. Or maybe he won't mind? With the way he's been lately, Rei wonders if Makoto would even notice him being gone. At least it's during a weekend when he won't be missing any work, but he can't help but still feel a little guilty about leaving.

They drive south from the airport down towards the southern part of Sapporo City where Kengo and his family live. Rei notices that there's an abundance of parks and hospitals around, for some reason. But from what he sees of Sapporo, it's very beautiful, and vastly different from Tokyo and Iwatobi. The air feels fresher, more crisp, but he figures it might be because he's in the northern parts of the country, and the area is mountainous unlike the other places he's lived.

When they arrive at Kengo's spacious house, his wife and son are already at home, so Rei gets to finally meet his nephew, Akira, and sister-in-law, Miharu. Akira's a three year old, energetic child, and Rei finds Akira quickly warming up to his uncle. It feels weird to label himself as such, like he should be far older than he is to be able to even  _be_ an uncle, but the more time he spends with his nephew, the more he feels like maybe it isn't so bad, even if he's just about to turn nineteen.

Miharu is the quieter half of the married couple, but that doesn't make her less friendly, maybe even the opposite. She's a very caring person, Rei finds out, and she has a keen eye for people. Observant, wants to make sure people around her are happy. She's  _really_ good at cooking, too, and Rei really ends up enjoying his first dinner with his brother's family. It all feels so weird, and he can't help but feel a little left out from the whole family happiness they have, but Kengo seems to sense that, and he tries to include Rei as much as possible.

When Kengo and Miharu have put their son to bed, the three of them spend the rest of their Saturday evening in the living room; talking, getting to know each other better. It's definitely a nice break from everything, but it doesn't completely remove the pit in his stomach and the slightly aching feeling he gets whenever he sees Kengo and Miharu  _still_ being lovey-dovey with each other after all these years.

He wonders if he and Makoto would ever be like that, if there's a chance they can go back to that honeymoon stage of their lives where every problem they had wasn't with each other, and where coming home to an apartment didn't feel so lonely, since they'd know the other would come back home in time for dinner. Being in Sapporo helps to battle that lonely feeling a bit, since he's at least surrounded with people who care about him even though he still doesn't know them very well. But he knows he can't keep running from his home situation forever; he still has a job to go back to come Monday, and he has other responsibilities that tie him to Tokyo.

 

* * *

 

Rei, Kengo, Miharu and Akira take a trip up to Odori Park during Sunday before Rei's flight leaves that evening. Rei plays with Akira, pushes him on the swing, plays with him in one of the sandboxes, and chases him around on the grass. The food stalls offer a range of street foods like takoyaki, yakitori and other skewer foods, as well as various noodle dishes. Odori Park is also way bigger than Tonogayato Park in Tokyo, and there are far more things to do here other than just seeing the greenery.

He's almost jealous, and finds it strange that he is, considering that he's living in the very capital of Japan. Maybe he's just living in the wrong part of Tokyo, but he'd originally come mainly because Makoto asked him to, and because he so desperately wanted to leave Iwatobi behind where his parents were. Now, if they asked him to come back, he isn't so sure of how he'd respond. Would it be easier to go back to Iwatobi and start his life over there, instead of living in the big city of Tokyo where he feels more and more alone?

Reality grabs a hold of him almost too soon, when he finds himself at the airport, already saying goodbye to the three who have hosted him this weekend. He feels reluctant on returning to a place he doesn't even know if he can call 'home' anymore, because it doesn't feel that way. It reminds him of what he felt about returning to the house he grew up in after his fight with his parents, and it makes Rei's heart sink in his chest. At the same time, he knows he can't run away, and that he has to confront his issues.  _Their_ issues.

"Next time we'll come down for a visit. We'll stay at a hotel, of course", Kengo says with a smile, and Miharu nods by his side, holding a sad Akira in her arms, who keeps grasping after Rei and wanting to hug him even more than he already has been doing in the car all the way to the airport.

"I would be glad to have you over." Slight hesitation. "Makoto would be, too."

"It was so nice to finally meet and get to know you a little," Miharu says as she gives him a tight and warm embrace. "I would love to come visit, it's been several years since I went to Tokyo. Tell your boyfriend we said hi."

"I will," he says, and walks towards the security check not long after. It feels strange, like his feet are trying to keep him from walking forward, but he decides to stop listening to his body and just move forward. Go back home, face his fears, hopefully sort out the weird tension between himself and his boyfriend.

His short flight back home to Tokyo combined with his train ride back to Kokubunji only buys him that much time before he's back home again, walking deliberately slowly towards his apartment complex. Why he's doing that, he's not even sure — Makoto may not even be at home, considering how seldom he's been at home recently, anyway. Of course, it turns out he does receive a half-hearted reply upon coming home and saying his usual "I'm home" phrase.

"Welcome back", comes the response from their kotatsu. Rei swallows a sigh and takes his shoes and coat off before coming inside proper and getting into a pair of slippers. He walks inside the bedroom to put down his bag before he goes back out, and when he does, Makoto's already standing by the living room door frame, having crossed his arms over his chest. "How was Sapporo?"

"Oh, it was... it was good. Nice to meet my sister-in-law and nephew."

_How was hanging out with Haruka all this time? Did you miss me? ... At all?_

"I'm glad." He doesn't sound glad. "Rei, are you avoiding me?"

"I— what?  _I'm_ avoiding  _you_? I was home every day until I went away for the weekend. What about you, then? Haven't _you_ been avoiding  _me_ with as much as you've hung out with Haruka-senpai recently?"

Rei immediately bristles, knowing it must be because of all his pent up frustration, worry and sadness over what's been going on — or what  _hasn't_ been going on — between him and Makoto for the past few weeks. He almost takes it back, wants to apologise for blowing up like that, but he also knows it's probably warranted. Makoto  _hasn't_ been himself lately, and to Rei, it feels like Makoto's done everything he can to  _not_ have to be around the apartment. Which in and of itself is reason for all of Rei's pent up feelings.

"We're friends, Rei. Friends hang out."

"Every day after class? Do they sleep over at each other's place that often, too?"

Makoto sighs exasperatedly with a roll of his eyes. "Haru and I have  _always_ been like this, you know that. Are you suddenly jealous?"

"What if I am? Don't say you wouldn't feel the same way if you were in my shoes, because you don't know that. You were suspiciously evasive when I asked about what happened between you and Haruka-senpai before I went to see nii-san and his family."

"Because it was just an argument!"

"So would you flat-out deny if I asked you if you have feelings for Haruka-senpai? If all you are is friends?"

Makoto flinches, and Rei's heart aches at the very small reaction. "I— no! No, I don't... I don't have feelings for Haru! I've already told you, he's like a brother to me. I could never—"

"I can't believe you'd lie to me straight in the face. I thought higher of you, but I guess I was wrong."

"I'm not lying to you! I've never thought of Haru that way, and I never will! I'm with you, Rei; I love you, and no one else."

Rei exhales slowly. "So show it. Come home more often, spend time with  _me_ a little more. Is that so difficult?"

"Haru's still pretty fragile, and I think he needs the company—"

"Haruka-senpai this, Haruka-senpai that," Rei spits out between clenched teeth. "Don't you ever think about how lonely  _I_ feel when you're never at home? Do you know what it feels like to come home to an empty apartment for over a week straight? Do you know what it feels like when you're so insistent on going to bed early instead of maybe giving me a hug at least before bed? Do you know what  _rejection_ feels like?"

"That's not what this is about, Rei. I already told you, it's not like that. I'm just with him because he needs someone right now."

"'Right now' being several weeks? Stop lying to me, I'm so tired of it! Just tell me the truth, I don't care if you're 'scared' that it'll hurt."

Makoto opens his mouth to say something, but quickly shuts it again, proving to Rei that the truth really  _is_ harsh, and probably something Makoto thinks would hurt him. Rei walks out into the living room again, and as soon as he sits down by the kotatsu, he hears the bedroom door slam shut. He sits in place, doesn't move an inch. Breathes in and out, closes his eyes. Tries to disconnect himself from reality for a while as to not completely lose himself.

A few minutes later, the bedroom door opens again, and Rei hesitantly opens his eyes. He sees Makoto march towards the hallway, put on his shoes, his jacket. When he's done, he doesn't even turn around, and just walks out the door. Makoto doesn't even lock it after himself.

Silence falls, and when it does, it all hits Rei like a load of bricks, and he hugs his knees to his chest. Strangely enough, he's too shocked to cry, but he ends up sitting in that position until he lies down and falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. That wasn't so bad, was it? (I hate myself.)
> 
> Once again, I _hate_ having to come up with names for the characters I create in stories. Yet I always insist on having original characters in these for some reason. Yeah, I know I only have myself to blame.


	47. Harvester of sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei's travel down despair lane continues, and Nagisa worries about his best friend. Rei also receives even _more_ bad news. Will this kid ever get a break (from me)?

Every day since the fight feels like a week. Rei always ends up falling asleep on the couch when he comes home from work, not having the energy to even cook for himself. The small apartment feels huge now that Makoto isn’t there anymore, and it makes him anxious.

Even though he's pretty sure he's right on the money regarding Makoto's feelings for Haruka, he still feels bad about how their argument over it all had gone. He feels like he could've dealt with it a little smoother, to lessen the blow it had taken to their relationship. A relationship Rei isn't even sure exists anymore after the way things went then.

One thing is for certain: Rei knows that there’s _something_ going on at least from Makoto’s side when it comes to Haruka. The way Makoto has been acting when talking about or being around Haruka lately hasn’t been the way he usually is, and Rei stands by his belief that he’s in the right, and that Makoto just needs to either admit it, or try to change some things. Preferably spend less time with Haruka, but Rei knows he can’t ask of such a thing when they're best friends.

Since he’s stopped caring about most everything he usually does by routine, things have started to go downhill at an alarming pace. His skin is no longer impeccable, and he’s started getting breakouts; there are a few zits on his chin and on his right temple. He hates seeing himself like this, but he also doesn’t feel like there’s any point to him caring about the way he looks anymore.

Rei wakes up in the middle of the night, which is a common occurrence lately. He’s hungry, but he doesn’t want to eat despite not having had anything since lunch. Usually he just has lunch these days, and it’s already starting to show as he needs to tighten his belt more often. Not that it’s gone unnoticed at work; Junko's even told him he looks like he’s lost weight.

He used to keep up with these things; his weight, body fat percentage, skin care and muscles, but now he just doesn’t have the energy to care. He doesn’t see the point as he isn’t swimming anymore, and the only exercise he has is the occasional jog or run he does, or if he’s feeling up for it, he goes to the gym downtown.

The Iwatobi days are long over, and he misses them. He misses the old days where they didn’t have to worry about these adult things, where all they had to worry about was their grades and their performance at tournaments. Things were so much easier back then, and he regrets not having enjoyed his high school days more.

Rei walks into the kitchen, and opens the fridge. His eyes aren’t focusing on anything in particular, and he realises he won’t find anything that’ll please him, so he just decides to take out the first Tupperware he sees. Upon closer inspection, he finds out it’s half a portion of omurice that he made the other day, and it’s probably just about to go bad.

He heats it up and eats by the kotatsu in silence. It feels weird, lonely, _wrong_. Makoto is supposed to be the one sitting in front of him, sometimes feeding him something off his chopsticks, happily talking about how his day had gone, or ranting about something that _hadn’t_ been a pleasant experience, just to laugh it off afterwards.

Now, it’s just him and the night scenery outside the window, the faint buzzing of cars in the distance. There probably isn’t anyone outside, that’s how late it is. But why would they? Only drunk or lonely people would be up at this time.

 _Lonely_. Yeah, that’s one way to describe him, among others.

Having taken care of the dishes, Rei goes back to sleep. He’s close to walking into the bedroom, but stops himself in the last second. _It’s just going to remind me of the absence of him in there_.

He crawls under the blanket on the kotatsu and tries to sleep, but he’s not tired at all. He looks at his phone to his side to find out it’s just past four in the morning. He has to get up in two hours in order to get to work, and he’s sure he won’t really get to sleep anytime soon. Or at all, for that matter.

 

* * *

 

“Oi, Ryuugazaki, you look like you’ve been run over by a truck,” Yuuichirou comments when Rei puts on an apron in the back of the shop. He looks back at his colleague and tries to smile.

“Yeah, I... couldn’t get much sleep last night,” he says. In truth, he didn’t actually sleep anything after having gone up to eat the omurice at four that morning, but it wasn't as if he'd really given sleep a second chance after that, anyway.

“Ah, I see. Well, you should probably tell Junko if you’re not feeling well during the day. Don’t really wanna have you fainting while taking care of customers, right?”

“Of course,” Rei replies, but he’s pretty sure he won’t say anything even if he feels like he did indeed get run over by a truck.

His day goes by surprisingly fast for working at a semi-popular confectionery. He gets to talk to a few customers that temporarily make him forget about his own worries, and it makes him feel a little better. At least for the time being.

It’s not too difficult working at A la Campagne, but Rei wishes he had the motivation to study for a degree in order to get himself a better job. This isn’t something he wants to actually do for a living; it’s just something he’s doing now so he can pay the rent and eat. Well… that is if he actually eats at all, which nowadays has become quite a rarity.

Coming into the dark and empty apartment, Rei sits down by the kotatsu with a heavy sigh. He’s mentally drained, and it almost feels like it’s been transferred physically, too. All he wants to do is to sleep, but he musters the last little bit of his energy to take a shower before doing so.

Rei wakes up to the sound of his phone ringing on the kotatsu table in front of him, and he grabs it with a low groan. The name on the display says _Nagisa-kun_ , and he blinks a few times in surprise, and to get a little bit more awake.

“Hello?” he answers, voice low from having just slept.

“ _Rei-chan? Were you asleep already?_ ”

“Ah, I was just… taking a nap,” he lies. “Hi, Nagisa-kun. How are you?”

“ _I’m good, thanks! How are you?_ ”

Another lie; Rei chews on the inside of his cheek before replying. “I’m fine. How is work going for you?”

“ _It’s fine, a little boring sometimes, but it pays my bills and puts food on my table. Hey, I haven’t talked to you in a while… are things okay? I haven’t really heard anything from Mako-chan, either._ ”

A lump forms in his throat at the mention of Makoto’s name. He swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut with a frown. “It’s… it’s nothing, I’m— we’re fine.”

“ _Are you sure? This isn’t really like you, or Mako-chan, either. I’m just worried, you know?_ ”

Something breaks within Rei, like glass hitting the floor and shards flying in all directions, and tears fall down his cheeks. He sniffles and tries to wipe them away, but they won’t stop.

“ _Rei-chan? Are you sure you're okay?_ ”

“I— I’m… I’m not okay,” he finally admits, not only to Nagisa but also himself. “I think we’ve broken up.”

“ _What?! Wait, what? When? What happened?_ ”

He’s full-out crying now, and he’s sure it isn’t the most beautiful thing to see. Thankfully, he’s alone in the apartment, and they’re not having a video call for once.

“We had an argument”, Rei begins, still sobbing and furiously wiping away the tears that still won’t stop falling. “I’ve been feeling like he’s kind of avoiding to be home with me after school and on some weekends, like he can’t wait to get out of here. I know we’ve lived here together for over a year now, and maybe that’s it — maybe he’s gotten tired of me. I just… I feel bad, and please don’t berate me over this, but… I think Makoto may have feelings for Haruka-senpai that aren’t just of a friendly nature.”

“ _Is this related to the thing we talked about the other week after Mako-chan's_ birthday?"

"It is," he sniffles. "He just... he's never at home, and when he is, I feel like he's avoiding me. Going to sleep early, leaving early — I can't even remember the last time I hugged or kissed him."

“ _Rei-chan, I'm so sorry. I wish I could help somehow, but I don't know how to. So... what’d he say?_ ”

“It's fine, really." Blatant lie. "He thought I meant that I didn’t want him to see Haruka-senpai at all because I’m jealous or something. Well, of _course_ I’m jealous — but that doesn’t mean I want him to stop seeing his best friend altogether. I’m not _that_ cruel. Even though I have my suspicions, that doesn’t mean I don’t want Makoto to lose his best friend over it. It might just be me overreacting.”

“ _I know,_ ” Nagisa soothes, and sighs. “ _I don’t know anything about how much Mako-chan’s being with Haru-chan, but… it sounds like at least he overreacted. Have you tried talking to him since then?_ ”

“I have, but he won’t answer when I call him. And I don’t think I’m welcome at Haruka-senpai’s apartment right now, because I imagine him to be mad because Makoto and I fought.”

“ _Yeah, I can imagine that, but I don’t think you have to worry too much. How long has it been since you fought?_ ”

“A few days,” he says, but he’s not actually sure. Could it have gone a week? Maybe more than that? He has no idea, and it scares him how his perception of time has completely gone out the window since this happened.

“ _Okay. You know what… I’m gonna talk to Haru-chan about this, but I’m not gonna say I’ve talked to you. I just want to get some bearings on the situations, and when or if I do, I’ll tell you. Even if he won’t tell me anything, I’ll contact you_.”

“If you say so,” Rei says and takes a deep breath. “Thank you, Nagisa-kun. Sorry for always relying on you like this.”

“ _It’s fine! Listen, I’ll call or text you when I know more, okay? It’ll be fine, Rei-chan. I know Mako-chan really, really loves you. Like… whenever he’s talking about you, there’s this weird glow in his eyes. Sometimes I think they must glow in the dark the way they look when he talks about you_ — _it’s kind of scary_.”

Rei laughs and hiccups once thanks to him crying. It feels good to laugh again, though. “Thank you again. I’ll treat you to dinner when you come over to visit next time, I promise.”

“ _Is that supposed to be your way of paying me back? In that case, can I have dessert?_ ”

 

* * *

 

The next day as Rei wakes up, he feels less sluggish but more restless than the previous day. He needs to do something, but he doesn’t know what. Staying inside is probably a bad idea, so he decides he should at least start off with going out for a run, and then see whatever he feels like doing after that.

He has a light breakfast consisting of two pieces of toast and the last glass of orange juice in the fridge. Normally, his breakfast would at least contain miso, fish, vegetables and rice, but he’s not in the mood to cook and just wants to get out of the apartment as soon as possible.

Once he’s done in the kitchen, Rei goes into the bedroom to change into sportswear, and those shoes he used to wear in high school when he was still on the track team. His feet hasn’t grown since, thankfully, saving him money on buying a new pair.

Locking the door behind him, he jogs down the stairs from the apartment complex and out on the pavement. It’s a really nice day out, and he’s glad he’s actually gone out today instead of staying at home as usual. Well, it’s the first time in a while he’s got enough energy to move at all, so maybe that’s a contributing factor that kept him in there.

The initial thought that going outside felt nice doesn’t last long. When Rei comes out near the station area where there are more people, he feels like it’s too big. Kokubunji station feels exactly like a train station in Tokyo should; too loud, too busy, too much for him.

He feels like he can’t move, there are people wherever he goes; they’re looking at him, staring, probably thinking he looks like an idiot for just standing there and not moving like they are. They’re moving too fast, everything around him is going by twice as fast as it should, and Rei himself feels like he’s moving in slow-motion as he’s trying to make it back to the apartment.

 _This place is too big for me, too lonely_.

The second he walks in, his phone rings and he has to scramble around the hallway for a bit before he finds it. He’s surprised to see that it’s Junko calling him, and he has to take a few breaths to calm himself down before he answers.

“Hello?” he says.

“ _Ah, Rei, good thing I got a hold of you at last!_ ”

“At last?” Rei asks, confused. He looks at his phone’s display and realises he has three missed calls, all from her. “Oh, I am so sorry — I was out for a bit and I didn’t bring my phone. Is there something wrong?”

Junko sighs, and Rei has a feeling something is indeed very wrong. Was it something he’d done at work? He can’t recall having done anything out of the ordinary or anything that would warrant him a scolding.

“ _Well… don’t take this personally, okay? I just worry about you, that’s all_.”

Now Rei’s even more confused than he was before. “What do you mean?”

“ _I want you to take some time off work. You haven’t been yourself lately, and I’ve noticed you’re not quite there for the most part. Just get some rest for a few days or so, don’t worry about the shop_ — _we’ll take care of it._ ”

Rei raises his eyebrows in disbelief. “I am sorry if I have been a bit off lately, but I promise I will—“

“ _Rei. Please, just take some time off. I think it’ll be good for_ —”

“Don’t,” Rei interrupts. “Please don’t take away my only place of comfort.”

“ _Listen, Rei… I want to know what happened to you, but I have a feeling you aren’t in good enough shape to talk. And even less so to be at work for seven hours a day. I would be the worst person in existence to let you work in that condition. Get some sleep, eat well, see some friends. Disconnect yourself from work for a while. I know it’ll be good for you_.”

Junko doesn’t ask him what’s wrong, sure — but the pity in her voice tells Rei he’s got a pretty good idea.

The call ends shortly after, with Rei having given no good reasons as to why he _should_ be allowed to work. Well, that obviously goes since he doesn’t want to tell his entire life story to his boss, so it’s his fault for getting himself in such bad shape that he isn’t even allowed to come into work for who knows how long.

Rei sits down on a pillow by the kotatsu, staring in front of him. Time isn’t going to be the cure for his depression. They say time heals all wounds, but Rei thinks it’s a big, fat lie, at least in his case. Even if it took him years, he’s sure it wouldn’t completely erase the pain in his chest of probably having lost Makoto because of a dumb argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (headbangs) (get it? ... The title is a Metallica song.)
> 
> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) on Tumblr.


	48. White silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei and Haruka meet up to talk about the whole thing with Makoto. Nagisa serves as a reminder as to how disconnected Rei really is from everything, even himself. He later stumbles upon something he wishes he hadn't been there to see or hear anything from.

Rei wakes up and feels like he’s had two hours of sleep, but he’s pretty sure it’s been way more than that. His body refuses to move and get up, so he’s got no other choice but to obey. _Another day spent under the kotatsu, huh_.

It’s not like he wants to get up, anyway. Or needs to, for that matter. He’s not supposed to go into work since Junko ordered him to get some rest for a few days. Well, she said a few _days_ , but now it’s been over a week since Rei walked into that pastry shop.

This isn’t like him. This isn’t how he used to be. Back in high school, Rei was the one who had a perfect attendance and always got teased for being a “teacher’s pet”, even though it was completely unintentional, and not something he’d strived to be. Now, a year later when he’s out of high school and working at the pastry shop downtown, things are vastly different. Obviously, not only his surroundings, but also with himself. _He’s_ different. He can’t really explain how, but he knows people around him feel like he’s changed, too.

Rei turns around under the kotatsu with a groan, crawling into a foetal position to hug his legs. He still refuses to sleep in their bed, feeling like he doesn't have the right to. And why should he? Even if he technically owns and pays for half of it as long as it stands in this apartment, he still feels like he can't sleep in there unless Makoto's there, and they're actually on good terms. Which they might never be again, for all he knows.

He curses to himself before stuffing his face into the pillow; he’s quickly picked up on a bad habit since this happened. How could he be such an _idiot_? Why did he have to cause Makoto all this pain, just because he just wanted Makoto to focus more of his attention on himself? Doesn’t that make Rei selfish?

He remembers his promise to Jun and Yuiko about doing his best not to cause Makoto any emotional grief. Well, seems like he’s just about broken that promise — how long did that take, a year? At least it’s a year and not just a few months, but Rei just wishes it hadn’t happened in the first place.

Suddenly, Rei hears a faint ringing, like a doorbell. Is it _their_ doorbell? Who would come over at this time of day? He scrambles after his watch on the table next to him, and finds out that it’s almost eleven. With another groan, Rei gets up from his uncomfortable position on the floor, and forces himself to the closet in the bedroom to pull out his robe.

Every single little action he has to take feels like it’s draining all of his energy. Moving his arms, opening and closing the closet. Especially walking — even if it’s very slowly — out into the hallway to open the door. When he finally reaches the front door, Rei feels like he’s run a marathon and almost wants to sit down, but doesn’t.

He opens the door, and is almost immediately attack-hugged by Nagisa. “Rei-chan, I was so worried when you didn’t come to open the door! What _took_ you so long?!”

Rei takes a second or two to get a grasp on what’s happening around him since it all went too fast once he opened the door. It almost felt like Nagisa’s speech had been recorded and sped up with how fast he’d been talking.

“I’m sorry,” Rei mumbles into the fabric of Nagisa’s sweater. “I was asleep.”

“Can’t you go into work yet?”

“No. Well, I don’t know. Maybe; I wasn’t really given a specific date to go in on.”

“Rei-chan… this is bad. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. And I’m not saying that because I think you need to work; you’re a hard worker, and you always take things way more seriously than I ever could. But… you need to stop shutting yourself in the house like this.”

Oh, he knows. He knows he shouldn’t be wallowing, that he shouldn’t even pity himself since it’s all his fault in the first place. He _knows_ , but he still doesn’t have the energy to do anything about it, so it ends up with him just going against his own morals in the end.

“I know,” he says, and Nagisa sighs.

“Have you tried calling him, at least?”

He shakes his head, and Nagisa tightens his embrace.

“I hate seeing you two like this. It was tough back when Mako-chan and Haru-chan were fighting, but this is completely different. I’ve never seen anyone of you like this before, and it scares me.”

Rei flinches. “Have you… have you seen Makoto?”

Nagisa nods, slowly, as if he’s sort of regretting having said it. “Yeah, I have. I didn’t want to tell you since I knew you’d ask where he is. He told me not to tell you.”

The words feel like a hundred daggers into his chest, and Rei finds it hard to breathe. _Makoto doesn’t want to see me. He doesn’t want me to find him_. It’s really over, and it hurts to realise. It’s always been a bit of a bumpy ride being in his relationship with Makoto, but it wasn’t always _because_ of Makoto, some of it was his fault, too. And then there were things that had been out of their control completely, but at least they'd managed to get past it. This time, they hadn't gotten so lucky.  _Rei_ hadn't gotten so lucky, rather.

And now that it’s over… Rei doesn’t know what to do. Should he move out? Well, of course he should — it was Makoto’s apartment in the first place. He got this apartment because it’s close to Gakudai, and asked Rei to come live with him since he’d gotten thrown out of his own house, anyway.

Of course, Rei pays half of the rent, as well, so that’s probably one thing that’ll have to change with Rei moving out. Unless he keeps doing it as a way of saying he’s sorry. But that’s weird, isn’t it? Bribing Makoto with money as a form of apology? That’s beneath Rei, and he knows that isn't something he can or should do.

“Can you at least tell me if he’s in Tokyo or not? Is he still attending classes?”

“He is,” Nagisa confirms. “He’s still in Tokyo, still going to university. I can’t say more than that, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Rei says and exhales slowly. It’s not Nagisa’s fault, and it never was. He’s always had to be caught in the middle, just like Rin. The two of them didn’t deserve this. Rei feels like the worst friend anyone could ever have, and he wonders why Nagisa’s still bothering with him now that they’re not even attending school together anymore.

Nagisa lets go of him, but tugs on the sleeve of his robe. “Let’s go sit in the living room instead. It’s much more comfortable, don’t you think?”

Rei agrees, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just lets Nagisa lead him into the living room, and sit him down by the kotatsu before sitting down himself. Sitting down again feels good, and Rei sighs out in relief. It’s a weird kind of relief since that pain in his stomach doesn’t disappear like it usually does.

“Nagisa-kun, why are you in Tokyo, by the way? Do _you_ not have work to do today?”

Nagisa usually doesn’t visit them unless it’s a weekend or a holiday, so for him to be here on a weekday is surely out of the ordinary. And even though Nagisa used to be a bit on the lazy side in high school, he’s changed a lot since. Rei feels like his friend has things more together than he does, which makes him realise that things really _have_ changed.

“I don’t; Fujimoto-san wasn’t able to come into the office, so I got half my day off. I’m getting paid for the entire day, though, which is awesome.”

"I'm glad," Rei says, but he's pretty sure he doesn't sound that way. All he wants is to hang up as to not affect Nagisa with his putrid, disgusting self-hatred and bitterness, but he also doesn't have the heart to do so. Nagisa is his best friend, and probably the only one who's actually willing to talk to him right now. Something that surprises him, seeing as Makoto and Nagisa are childhood friends, and Rei would've expected him to take Makoto's side in this because of that.

Even if Nagisa says he’s off work for the rest of the day, and has time to come to Tokyo, Rei feels bad. He probably wouldn’t have gone all the way there even during a day off, and just stayed in Iwatobi with his family or something. He hates himself for constantly dragging people into things they don’t have anything to do with. He doesn’t want to, and it’s not on purpose, but it always happens, somehow. Whatever he does, it’s not good enough. Whatever he does always has a consequence for the worse.

Maybe dating Makoto was a mistake, after all. Rei isn’t the most stable person in the world, and although he tries his best — he knows he’s not nearly as good as what Makoto deserves. He deserves the world, and Rei isn’t even a fraction of it.

"Rei-chan, you don't... know what day it is today, do you?"

He doesn't even bother thinking about it before he responds. "I don't. What day is it?"

"It's... your birthday. Fourteenth of December, and you're nineteen years old now. Happy birthday, Rei-chan. I'm sorry I didn't bring you anything."

When realisation hits, Rei doesn't know just  _how_ to react. Should he be happy about it being his birthday? Should he be sad that he isn't spending his birthday with all of the people he cares about just like last year, and not just Nagisa? He doesn't know, and ends up in a state of limbo, just going back and forth between the two. One thing is certain; he isn't happy about becoming a year older.

"Oh," he says. "I guess I... forgot. So that's fine. Nineteen isn't much to celebrate, anyway. And you being here is more than good enough of a gift, Nagisa-kun."

Nagisa sighs. “Rei-chan… you should come back to Iwatobi. I think you need a break from Tokyo, from all of these things that just keep making you sad.”

“But I work here,” Rei reminds him. “I can’t just leave it all behind, you know.”

“Then say you need some more time off. Otherwise I’m more than willing to try and get you a job at our office; I’m sure there’s plenty of places for you to fill if you’d so like.”

Rei shrugs. “I still can’t just do that. I don’t have anywhere to live.”

“I guess you can’t go back and forth, either, that kind of defeats the purpose of taking a break from Tokyo,” Nagisa ponders. “Can’t you just take a week off and come stay with me? I might still be living at home, but I’m in the process of finding my own place. Besides, my sisters have all moved out, so there’s more space, and vacant bedrooms.”

Rei shakes his head. “I can’t impose on your parents like that. It was bad enough of me to stay at Makoto’s house for so long, I’m still very much indebted to his parents for their immense amount of patience and hospitality. I can’t do that to your parents, too, Nagisa-kun.”

“Please, Rei-chan. I just… I just want you to be happy”, Nagisa says, and there’s a slight tremble in his voice, which makes Rei uncomfortable.

 _Ah, I’ve done it again_.

“Nagisa-kun, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’ll go to work regularly starting next week, okay? I just needed some time to myself, that’s all. Really, I’m… I’m okay.”

Just trying to tell himself this lie is difficult, and he wants to laugh at how pathetic he is. Why is he lying to Nagisa, out of all people? Aren’t they supposed to be best friends who can trust each other and tell each other everything? Does this mean Rei doesn’t trust Nagisa enough?

“I’m going to let you off the hook for now”, Nagisa replies and gets up. “But I’m keeping my eye on you, and as soon as things start going downhill again, I'm taking you with me to Iwatobi, and I’ll talk to your boss. I'm not saying this to pressure you into doing things you might not be mentally capable of doing, but I choose to trust you for now.”

Rei gets up as well, and holds back a sigh. “Okay”, he says. “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

After Nagisa leaves, Rei spends the rest of the day by the kotatsu, lazily flipping through the TV channels which don’t show anything that catches his attention. He’s restless but at the same time incapable of moving. He wants to do something, _anything_ , but he’s also perfectly happy with staying put. It’s awful, and it makes his mind go numb from agitation.

He’s tried calling Makoto several times that day, but either the phone’s been turned off, or he’s been sent to voice mail, being forced to listen to Makoto's cheerful voice telling him to leave a voice message. Of course, even if he _does_ leave one, he knows Makoto won't even listen to it. He tries thinking about where Makoto could possibly be if he’s still in Tokyo. Is he staying at a hotel this entire time? Maybe he’s staying at someone’s place—

And that’s when it hits him. _Haruka_. Of course, where else would Makoto be? Haruka doesn’t live too far away, either, so it makes perfect sense and it isn’t too far for Makoto to go to Gakudai from Higashikoganei. It's an especially perfect situation since the two of them seem to have come closer in a completely different way lately. Rei can’t help but bitterly think about his stubbornly lingering suspicions, but to him, they still very much make sense, and his suspicions are almost never baseless.

What would he say, though? Haruka must be furious with him right now, since Rei hurt his best friend. He’s pretty sure Haruka would hang up just from hearing his voice, and in that case it doesn’t really matter what he says to try and appease the other.

He decides to try, after all, and even though his heart is almost pounding out of his chest, he takes slow breaths before dialling Haruka’s number. _I have to do something. I can’t let it end like this_.

A few signals go through, and Rei’s just about to hang up when a voice reaches his ear. “ _Hello?_ ”

His breath catches in his throat for a second, and he fights to get his voice out. “H-Haruka-senpai, it’s… it’s me. Rei.”

Silence. Rei’s prepared to hear the ‘click’ that tells him Haruka’s hung up on him, but it doesn’t come. He doesn’t hear anything else in the background, either, which makes the silence all the more distinct and unbearable.

“ _Oh… hey. What is it?_ ”

Rei fidgets with the string of his robe. He looks out the window, at the snow-covered trees outside. How should he even begin, what does one say in a situation like this? He has no idea, but he has to say something, or Haruka will grow impatient and end the call before he’s had a chance at trying to redeem himself.

“I just wanted to ask… does— does Makoto live with you?”

“ _… He does._ ”

Just like he thought. Hearing it makes him feel both happy and sad at the same time. He knows where Makoto is — well, aside from the fact that he doesn’t know _where_ exactly Haruka lives — and that’s a good thing.

The bad thing is that Makoto lives with Haruka, for obvious reasons. It must only make things even worse for Rei. Would it be better for Makoto that way? To fall in love with Haruka, properly move out of his and Rei’s apartment and move in with Haruka instead?

“Oh. Is he doing… okay? I mean, despite the circumstances.”

“ _He’s… okay, I’m gonna be honest; he’s not doing well. At all. He’s barely eating, he’s apparently doing really badly in his classes, and he always cries in his sleep. What even happened between you two?_ ”

Rei’s heart aches at the thought of hearing Makoto cry in his sleep. He’s heard it before, but it was because of nightmares that came with his fear of the ocean and the memories of what had happened in the past. But it had never been because of him, which is why the thought of hearing Makoto cry because of him terrifies him.

“I don’t know,” Rei says in a croaky voice. “We had… an argument, and I left the apartment since I got angry. I took a walk for a while, and… when I came back he—“

“ _He’d already left. Okay. I heard some of it from Nagisa, and it seems you’re in pretty much the same boat as him. Listen… come to the Crown bakery by the Musashikoganei station, and we’ll talk there. I’m not gonna bite you, just come, okay? Can you be there in half an hour?_ ”

 _That sounds like something Rin-san would say_ , Rei thinks to himself. He sighs. “I’ll be there. Thank you, Haruka-sen—“

“ _Drop the ‘senpai’ already, we’re not in high school anymore._ ”

 

* * *

 

It takes a lot more energy than he would be willing to admit to anyone, but Rei makes it to the café in twenty minutes. When he arrives, Haruka’s already there, and he’s standing outside with his hands shoved down his pockets.

“Hey,” he says when Rei stops in front of him. “Thanks for coming. I assume you weren’t busy.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Rei replies. _Unless he counts sitting around doing nothing and feeling sorry for yourself as being busy_.

They sit down by one of the window tables inside the café, and thankfully it’s almost empty, giving them more privacy. Even if Rei doesn’t know the people inside, he doesn’t want them to listen in on his conversations, especially when it’s something sensitive like this. He almost wishes they weren’t in public, in case his emotions get the best of him.

Haruka and Rei both order a cup of tea each, and while they’re waiting, Rei restlessly, and somewhat nervously, fidgets with one of the sugar packets they’ve already been given. Being alone with Haruka is… almost scary, since he keeps thinking that their conversation is going to be nothing but friendly. Haruka said he wasn’t going to ‘bite’, though, so Rei decides to trust those words.

Once the waitress leaves their tea cups on the table and disappears, Haruka clears his throat.

“I’m not good with these things, but I’ll try. For… well, mostly Makoto’s sake, but to some extent, yours as well. I know we haven’t had the best kind of friendship lately, but I want to fix that, because… er—“

“I understand,” Rei interrupts, holding up a hand. “I’m glad you wanted to meet. I wasn’t sure if you would pick up when I called, so… thank you.”

Haruka shrugs. “No big deal. I don’t feel like sitting around watching this go on for much longer, anyway. So… you haven’t actually done anything to upset Makoto? Why did you have a fight, then?”

Rei frowns ever so slightly and looks down into his tea cup. Haruka isn’t really the ideal person to talk to about this since his fight with Makoto had been about him. How does one say that to the person in question without it coming out as offensive?

“I’m going to be honest”, Rei begins. “We had a fight about… well… you, Haruka-se— Haruka. It’s been going on for a while… he doesn’t really spend much time with me anymore, he usually stays at your place after classes, doesn’t he?”

Haruka nods slowly. “Yeah, I know; he has a habit of doing that. He’s done it ever since we were kids, always staying over at my place after school and on weekends. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t like being at home, it’s just — like I said — a habit. We’re really good friends, after all.”

“I know that, and I tried telling him this, too, but then he somehow must’ve thought that I wanted him to stop seeing you altogether. Which is _not_ what I want. I do not wish to see him sad, and I know that if I were to forbid him to see you, it would definitely make him sad. And I don’t want to forbid him to see you, since you _are_ best friends.”

The words come bubbling out, and it surprises Rei, who originally thought he wouldn’t be able to open up so easily to Haruka, given the way their relationship's had both it's ups and downs in the past two years.

“So Makoto took it as you not wanting him to see me at all, is that it?”

“I think so,” Rei says, and Haruka shakes his head, rolling his eyes.

“You don’t know? Why didn’t you ask him?”

“I tried, but he stormed out before I had the chance. I really shouldn’t have said anything.”

Well, not  _entirely_ true, as he would've had plenty of time to go into their bedroom and catch Makoto before he left as he was packing, but of course, Rei had been too dejected and emotionally drained to do anything at that point.

Haruka takes a sip from his cup and looks out the window. “You’re not really the only one at fault. He shouldn’t have just run off like that, but that’s sadly how Makoto usually is. We’re similar in that way, I guess. We don’t like conflict, so we run away from them if we can. He’s gotten a lot better than me at handling them, though.”

Rei wonders if Haruka’s referring to the fight Makoto and Haruka had before Haruka went to Australia with Rin during their final year at Iwatobi. Makoto had told them his side of the story, but Rei had never heard the other side of it, but going from what Makoto had said and from what Haruka had told him just now, it seemed like Makoto had actually been the one to confront the issue.

“But what should I do, then?” Rei asks, almost desperately. It’s no wonder; he hasn’t seen Makoto in weeks, and it’s driving him crazy. If he hadn’t talked to Haruka today, he would still be wondering where Makoto is, what he’s doing, if he’s okay. As if he doesn’t already have trouble sleeping at night.

“I’ll try talking to him again, since he’s never really wanted to talk to me about this before whenever I’ve asked. If necessary, I might have to bring in Nagisa, too. But I don’t want you in on it. Not yet. I’ll tell you what’s going on whenever I’ve talked to him.”

Rei really wants to do something, and he _definitely_ doesn’t want to leave it all up for others to fix the mess he’s made. Haruka, Nagisa and Rin had all done way too much for him in the past already, and he’s tired of not being able to do anything by himself. Not that he’s not grateful, he really is; but he doesn’t want to have to rely on his friends for every little thing.

“Okay,” he forces himself to say. “I won’t do anything. It’s not like he’s going to answer my calls, anyway, so there’s not much I can do as is, anyway.”

Haruka purses his lips together into a straight line. “I’ll text you my address, but don’t come over to see him as soon as you’ve gotten it, just because. This is just so you’ll have it for future reference, or… something.”

“I won’t,” Rei promises. “Thank you again, Haruka.”

He doesn’t know if he should be glad or not over not telling Haruka the entire truth, as well as maybe asking him if there’s something between Makoto and Haruka that goes beyond friendship. He’s too scared to do it, anyway, and figures that maybe there comes another time when he’s more courageous. Or when it’s already too late.

 

* * *

 

As he’s on his way home after a rather long conversation that also ended up becoming lunch, he passes by the streets by the station back in Kokubunji, just to get some change of scenery. All he’s really seen in the past few days is the inside of his apartment and the café he’s just left, so it’ll do him some good to see some people and the bustling of the city.

The streets are surprisingly empty for an early afternoon, and it kind of disappoints Rei who actually wanted to see some people for once, instead of just staying inside and staring at walls all day.

He passes a few of the street food stalls, and the smell emanating from them makes him a bit nauseous. He’s already had very little food in the past few days, but the lunch he’s just had was more than filling enough to keep him alive for another month. So the smell of food isn’t really making him hungry right now, but the exact opposite.

Rei is just about to turn around the corner to get into the quieter parts of town leading to his apartment when he hears a very familiar voice. It’s his old upperclassman Sera Tadanori, who used to be the captain of the track team, and it confuses Rei, as much as it makes him glad, wanting to go up and talk to him but also not wanting to interrupt the conversation he's having.

Why is he in Tokyo? Why had he left Iwatobi? Maybe he attends university here, as well. It wouldn’t really surprise Rei; Tokyo is a very popular destination for students all over Japan.

Even though he knows that it’s wrong, Rei can’t help but stand by the corner and eavesdrop. The surprise of having heard Sera’s voice makes him all the more curious to hear who he’s bumped into.

“… really is a coincidence that I’d walk into you here. I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“I can say the same; I don’t believe we ever properly met, did we?”

The other voice makes Rei’s heart stop, and the blood in his veins freeze. _Makoto_? He feels sick and wants to turn around and walk away right then, but his body refuses to move, again. He doesn’t want to hear Makoto’s voice right now, but it seems like he doesn’t have much of a choice. He leans against the wall behind him and takes deep breaths.

“I don’t think so, no. You’re Tachibana… Makoto-kun, right?”

“Correct,” Makoto says, confirming Rei’s fears. He laughs, and the sound makes Rei both incredibly happy and sad. He wants to be the one to make Makoto laugh, it’s been a long time since he did that. And it probably won’t happen again.

“What are you doing in Tokyo, studying?”

“Yeah, I’m studying to become a swim coach for kids. What are you doing here?”

“I’m studying here, too, but astrophysics.”

Rei can’t help but raise his eyebrows in surprise. Sure, he didn’t really know Sera that well to begin with, but he would’ve never in his entire life have guessed that Sera was into astrophysics.

“Really? That’s quite far away from what you were doing in high school, isn’t it?”

Sera laughs. “Yeah, it is. I guess it was just a hobby back then. I don’t think I’m good enough to do it for a living, and besides — I find astrophysics really fascinating.”

“Well, that’s the most important thing!”

“It is,” Sera replies, and Rei’s just about to leave as it seems to just be pointless small talk, but then something unexpected is asked. “Hey, I haven’t seen Ryuugazaki in a while. Do you know anything about him, if he’s still in Iwatobi and such?”

Rei’s heart races in his chest, and he’s more keen on listening now than he was before. He swallows hard, and there’s a loud throbbing in his head thanks to his thundering heartbeat.

“I… haven’t actually seen Ryuugazaki-kun since we graduated,” Makoto says.

 _Ryuugazaki-kun_.

The friendly voice is completely lacking of the love he usually had when talking to or about Rei. He feels like his heart’s now shattered into a million pieces, and his hand automatically slides up to grab the fabric of his shirt, close to his heart. It hurts, it _hurts_ , and he’s absolutely positive now that it’s over between them.

He doesn’t pay attention to what they’re saying anymore as his legs give way under him and he slides down the wall. As soon as he hits the ground, tears fall from his cheeks, and Rei cries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... MAN. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to apologise, but I'll do it now and probably soon again. I'm sorry. Also, if you read all 4.8k words of this monstrous chapter, bless your soul.
> 
> The last part of this chapter is heavily inspired (basically stole most of it oops) by a MH doujin called "[Namae wo yonde dakishimete](http://myreadingmanga.info/sneeeze-kubu-call-my-name-embrace-me-namae-wo-yonde-dakishimete-free-dj-eng/)". Even though I don't ship them romantically, it's my favourite doujin by far, and it makes me sad every time.
> 
> Title is yet another song reference. [White Silence](https://soundcloud.com/dom-szmid/tk-white-silence-album-version) by 凛として時雨 [Rin toshite shigure].


	49. Unwanted (but needed) company

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei lets his emotions get the better of him, and a good friend of his makes a return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing has, as of today, been up and running for [a year](http://i.imgur.com/1FlBgQK.png). ~200k words and 49 chapters later, here I am. Remember way back when I said this thing would "probably not be longer than 10-15 chapters"? Yeah. See where that took me. To hell.

Monday comes, but Rei doesn’t go into work. He doesn’t care if Junko calls him and tells him to go into work, because he’s not going to do it, anyway. Nothing matters to him anymore now that the love of his life has officially ended their relationship. How could he let it come to this? Why didn’t he do anything about it?

Well, he’d tried, sure, but it wasn’t good enough. Nothing ever was, even _he_ wasn’t. He’d known it all along and constantly tried changing himself for the better, but as expected, it wasn’t what Makoto wanted or needed. Makoto deserved the best and more than that, and it was way more than Rei could ever hope to be.

The skin on his face is sore, especially under his eyes and on his cheeks. At least his pillow’s dry now, which it hadn’t been last night after all the tears he’d spilled on it. Even after having turned it over to the other side, it didn’t take long for that side to get wet as well.

 _I’m hopeless. Absolutely pathetic_ , he thinks. Incapable of doing anything because he’s now out of a relationship. Is that what love is? Does being in love and in a relationship really mean that you have to go through all this pain? Isn’t it supposed to be like walking on clouds?

Thinking back on it, they didn’t really have a period like that until a few months into their relationship when all of the things with Haruka had calmed down, and when Makoto and Rei had moved into their apartment in Tokyo. It hadn’t been the complete opposite either, sure — they were happy, of course. But there was always something in the way, or something that reminded them of the fact that they weren’t completely in the clear.

Would they ever have been, if this didn’t happen?

Rei gets out of his cocoon under the kotatsu, and goes into the bathroom to wash his face. Looking at himself in the mirror, he isn’t really surprised at the dark circles under his eyes, and the few red spots where he’s still sore. He sighs and splashes his face with cold water a few times before considering himself somewhat awake, and exits the bathroom.

He walks around the apartment aimlessly for a while, just occasionally looking out the window or stopping to ‘fix’ something that’s hanging loosely or that looks a bit off. (Nothing really does, he’s just imagining it.)

The solitude and the loud thoughts in his head are making him go insane, and he needs to do something about it. Ideally, he wants to just scream and scream, but he’s sure his neighbours will either come down and knock on his door or call the police if he does.

Instead, he puts on his slippers and decides to go outside and check the mail. Thankfully, their mailbox is just outside the door, so he doesn’t really have to go _outside_. Unlike yesterday, today is one of those days where Rei doesn’t want to go outside even if someone were to pay him for it. If Rei was able to spot Makoto yesterday, what says he won’t actually bump into him if he decides to go outside today?

He opens the door, and the sight that greets him is, to say the least, unexpected, as he finds Haruka standing right outside, by their mailbox.

“Oh, hey,” Haruka says and stops.

“Hi,” Rei replies, and he looks at Haruka’s hand which was just by the lid of the mailbox. “Are you… getting Makoto’s mail?”

“Yeah. I’m supposed to take the rent, too.”

Rei’s eyes widen, and he quickly grabs Haruka’s arm. “Don’t. Let me take it.”

“Why? Be glad he’s paying it for you.”

“We usually pay half each,” Rei retorts, and Haruka rolls his eyes, his hand falling to his side. Rei’s does the same.

“I know that. But he says he wants to pay the entire thing.”

“This month, or—“

“I don’t know, he didn’t tell me! Just let me take it.”

Rei shakes his head, suddenly determined and widely awake. “No. Tell him I refused to let you take it, and that I’m paying it.”

“Is that your way of saying you’re sorry?”

Is it? “Part of it,” Rei replies curtly, still looking straight at Haruka to prove his point. “Take everything else that’s addressed to him, but leave the rent to me. I’m not letting you leave with it.”

Why is he saying all this? Is this really who he’s become now, someone who even sticks up to his seniors? Technically, Haruka isn’t really his senior anymore, he’s just someone who happens to be a year older than him, with no other meaning behind it. So why now, of all times? Is it because of Makoto?

Haruka sighs and crosses his arms. “Fine. I know he’s not gonna be happy about it, though.”

“He’s not happy with me anyway, so it doesn’t matter what I do.”

It’s true, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter whatever Rei does at this point as their relationship is already over, so he might as well just do as he pleases. The consequences won’t really make him lose anything, because he’s already lost everything that’s important to him.

Haruka bites on his lower lip before closing his eyes and exhaling slowly through his nose. “Rei, he… he doesn’t hate you. I know he doesn’t; in fact — I think he misses you. A lot.”

Despite the sudden hammering of his heart, Rei remains somewhat calm and neutral in his expression. “You _think_. I’m sorry if this sounds rude, but this isn’t something you can just guess.”

“Let me remind you that I’ve known Makoto for almost our entire lives. I know him pretty well, and I can usually read him like an open book. Sleep deprivation, loss of appetite, and lack of motivation doesn’t really spell out ‘he’s fine’, it just says he’s far from okay, even if he tells me he’s fine. And why wouldn’t he be? He’s usually doing well in his classes, he has a place of his own, and he’s got a bunch of good friends — but what’s missing? _You_ , Rei.”

Rei flinches and looks away. “You don’t know what he said yesterday,” he mumbles.

“What? Wait, did you _meet_ him?”

He shakes his head and drops his shoulders. “No. I overheard him talking to the old captain of the track team back at Iwatobi. Apparently he’s studying in Tokyo, too.”

“Okay, so what happened?”

“Sera-senpai asked if Tachi—  _Makoto_ had heard anything from me since he graduated, and Makoto said he hasn’t talked to me since. He referred to me as ‘Ryuugazaki-kun’, and that’s proof enough for me. He doesn’t miss me, and we’re over.”

Maybe it says something about Rei who almost just called his (ex?) boyfriend by last name and honorific, too.

Haruka’s hand shoots out and grabs the front of Rei’s shirt, and he has to lean his head back because they’re suddenly so close. “I thought you weren’t one to give up, Rei. Have you given up?” he hisses between clenched teeth.

“What other choice do I have?!” Rei suddenly yells, and he forcefully takes Haruka’s hand off of him. “I’ve tried calling him since I didn’t know where he was. Now that I know he’s at your place, you’re telling me I can’t come over and try to sort things out. What else do you want me to do?!”

Rei takes a few deep breaths to try and calm down, but it doesn’t help. He’s high on adrenaline and it’s such a rare thing to happen that he decides to make the best of it before the rush leaves him and makes him regret it.

“Besides, isn’t this perfect for you, Haruka? He’s single now, right? You’re living with the guy you like, and he’s single, too. I’ve suspected for a while that Makoto’s feelings towards you have changed towards that of a more romantic nature, and obviously, you still feel the same, don’t you?”

“What the _hell_ do you mean by that?” Haruka spits out. “Do you think I’d make a move on him just because he’s— you know what, he’s not even single, and the same goes for you. And even if he was, I sure wouldn’t try and do anything. You know why? Because I know he doesn’t like me that way, and because I know his heart belongs to someone else.”

“Even if it does, that doesn’t mean he’s not willing to try and forget. I mean, he’s already well on his way.”

“But we’re still not gonna happen! God, Rei, you’re such an _idiot_. I’m not going to try to flirt with Makoto. He’s not interested. He wants you, but you’re too goddamn thick to realise it.”

He sighs, and relaxes his muscles a little. “Can you at least be honest with me and tell me that nothing has happened between you two that isn’t just friendly? I usually don’t make baseless assumptions, but from what I’ve seen—“

“Something...  _almost_ happened, yes. But I stopped him before it did,” Haruka interrupts, and Rei’s heart nearly stops. He’d been right, and he doesn’t know whether or not he should be glad that he wasn’t just being paranoid and that he had been right in what he was thinking.

“What… what do you mean?”

“I’ve felt that he’s started to act a little different towards me lately, but I chose to ignore it. I know he’s still in a relationship, and that he loves you, so I didn’t do anything. I don’t care if you believe me or not, but I’m telling the truth. There was one time he almost tried to kiss me, but I stopped him from doing so. And then he left. Ever since then, we’ve just hung out like we usually do, but it’s just been a little awkward sometimes. That’s it.”

Rei feels sick to his stomach and feels like he has to sit down, but manages to stay standing. The thought of walking in on Makoto kissing Haruka makes his chest hurt, and he hopes that Haruka’s telling him the truth — that nothing _did_ happen. He can’t stand the thought of seeing Makoto with someone else, but he’s scared of how much he’s already starting to try and get used to it. Almost as if he accepts the fact that they’re no longer together.

“So tell me, then. What should I do, when I’ve already tried everything I could?”

“Just wait and be patient. And don’t you dare think for one second that I’d try to take Makoto away from you, because I wouldn’t. I tried to get him when he was still single, but I failed and I’ve accepted it. Just because I like him doesn’t mean I’m going to try and steal him away from you. I’m better than that.”

Rei knows it’s true, but he’s not willing to admit it. He knows he’s pretty much lost the argument at this point, and there’s really no use in him trying to continue beating a dead horse, so he drops his mental fighting stance and sighs.

“I know that, Haruka. I’m sorry. I just feel like there’s nothing left for me to hope for. You say he hasn’t given up and that I shouldn’t, but it sure _feels_ like he has since he’s gotten rid of all the ways I could possibly contact him—“

“I already told you, be patient. I’ve talked to him about this a few times, and I don’t think it’ll be long before he’ll contact you again. Even if I have feelings for him, that doesn’t mean I enjoy seeing him in pain. Or, well… that goes for the both of you. This isn’t easy for anyone.”

Rei slumps his shoulders and looks down at his feet. Being told not to do anything when all he wants is to fix his relationship is frustrating. He can't just sit around and let others do his job for him — what's he going to do in the meantime, just sit back and relax? How could he? There's no way he can just stand back and watch everyone else try to patch his relationship back together.

"There was something else I wanted to ask you. I found a half-empty bottle of pills on my bathroom sink the other day, and it isn't mine. Does Makoto take Zoloft?"

He flinches. Right, Makoto hasn't even told his best friend about him being on pills for his PTSD and anxiety attacks. Does that mean Rei has to do that now? Does he even have the right to tell Haruka this, even though those two  _are_ best friends? He feels like this is something Makoto would say he'd want to deal with on his own, but considering the fact that it's been months since he went on medication in the first place, he figures it's something Makoto tries to stall for as long as he can.

"He does," Rei finally admits after a bit of consideration. "I think it's something he should tell you in person, but—"

"That's not gonna happen, and we both know it."

Rei sighs, looking up to meet Haruka's gaze. "I suppose. He... has a post-traumatic stress disorder, and suffers from anxiety attacks from time to time. He doesn't want to take the pills, because he thinks they make him weak. And with me living with him, of course I was bound to find out."

Haruka frowns at him, and Rei doesn't miss the concern in his eyes. With all that's happened recently, he doesn't quite know how to act around or talk to Haruka, but he does realise Haruka  _is_ keeping his distance from Makoto in the more-than-friendly department, and that he's telling the truth about respecting Rei's and Makoto's relationship. Well, whatever's left of it, that is.

"Have you been there for any of his attacks?"

"I have."

Haruka leans against the wall, and closes his eyes for a second or two, probably processing the information he's just been given. "What's... what's it like? What happens?"

Rei sighs, and lets his hands fall out in a helpless gesture. "It depends. Sometimes it's hyperventilating, sometimes... he just sits there. Doesn't do anything. Stares out into nothing, you can't talk to him. Sometimes I don't even  _know_  if he's having an attack."

It hasn't happened too often recently, but then again, they haven't been around each other that much, anyway. So maybe they still do happen as much as they did before they started growing apart? Makoto still has a bad habit of hiding things, putting on a smile on his face and saying he's okay, lying through his teeth. Rei hates it, and as much as he does, he still doesn't have the heart to tell Makoto to just be honest with him. Because it isn't that simple; both of them still have trust issues to work on, and to properly take confrontations and arguments without letting things get too out of hand. Maybe it's a maturity thing, Rei figures.

"Just don't talk to him about it, please," Rei continues. "Then he'll know I've told you."

Haruka shakes his head. "I have to. I found his bottle of pills on my sink. And I deserve to know, since we're best friends, and he lives with me. Don't worry, I'll try my best to make him not blame you for it. This wasn't your fault. I can't say the same for the other things going on between the two of you since I don't have the right to, but this, I'm sure of. Just... take it easy. Things will work out sooner or later."

Somehow, Rei finds that incredibly hard to believe.

 

* * *

 

Haruka leaves shortly after that, leaving Rei without that month’s rent and just a bunch of junk mail to throw in the bin when he gets back into the apartment. Having thrown it away, Rei sinks down by the kotatsu table and puts his face in his hands.

He can’t do this anymore; being without Makoto and not knowing whether or not their relationship really _was_ over or not was pure torture. He just wants some kind of confirmation, and not being told to ‘wait’. He’s done enough waiting, he’s fed up with being patient and wants to take action, but is painfully unable to do so since he knows Haruka will just yell at him if he goes against what Haruka had told him earlier.

Rei sits in the living room, hating the silence but is too lazy to turn on the television in front of him. He’s frustrated and sad, and he hates being alone when all of these emotions are going on inside him like a storm. He feels tied up, like he doesn’t have any other choice but to stay put and not do anything. He hates not doing anything. Especially when it feels like he really _should_ do something about the miserable situation he’s in.

At first, he doesn’t quite hear the doorbell ring. It’s faint, almost like it’s someone else’s, but soon enough, it gets louder until he realises that it’s _his_ doorbell ringing. He gets up from the floor and walks, almost agonisingly slow, to open the door. The person he finds on the other side is someone he definitely did not expect to see, and his eyebrows skyrocket.

“Gou-san?”

“Rei-kun, I’m so glad,” she says as she practically jumps into his arms, and he has to hurriedly get a better grasp of the situation or they’ll both fall because of him still being a little distant.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m glad you opened the door. I’m glad to see you’re still… here.”

He frowns to himself. “What do you mean ‘still here’? Of course I would be, where else would I go?”

“I don’t know, actually. I just—“

“Did you think I would—“

“No!” Gou replies hurriedly, cutting him off before he gets to say the words he knows are probably far too ridiculous and maybe even sensitive. He doesn’t know, and in retrospect, he’s glad she did cut him off before he said too much. “I just wanted to see you were okay. I heard everything from Nagisa-kun. He's... worried about you. And I am, too, of course.”

 _Well, I’m not, but thanks for coming by_ , he thinks to himself and holds back a snort. “I see”, he elects to say instead.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

He lets go, and lets his unexpected guest come in and take her shoes off. He goes back to the kotatsu and sits down by it, just staring at the wall right next to the TV. All he wants to do is sleep, really, but at the same time, he doesn’t. If he manages to fall asleep, he’ll either be haunted by nightmares, or taunted by dreams that are far too good to be true. As long as he can avoid sleeping, he can avoid those two possibilities.

Gou comes inside, and sits down in front of him. She doesn’t say anything, and Rei definitely doesn’t feel like trying to start a conversation; he’d obviously not planned to do any sort of communication today as he was thinking he’d just spend it alone as usual.

 _As usual_.

What if this becomes a normal thing; that Makoto never comes back to the apartment and Rei continues to live like this, on his own, pathetically just sitting by the kotatsu, barely eating, avoiding going to sleep, not going to work? His self from two years ago would find him pathetic and lazy, and his current self finds his old self far too naïve. Rei has changed a lot in these past two years, so much that sometimes it kind of scares him.

“Rei-kun… are you eating properly?” comes Gou’s voice, and he doesn’t even have the energy to turn his head slightly to make eye contact, and just shakes his head. There’s no use trying to lie to her — Gou can read him pretty well, much like Makoto, and lying wouldn’t gain him anything even if he were to succeed in doing so, because he’s pretty sure his appearance tells otherwise.

“You have to eat. Let me cook you something,” she says, and Rei wants to protest. He looks at her, frowning, and she shakes her head. “I don’t care what you say. You have to eat, Rei-kun. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Then you shouldn’t have come,” he manages to mumble, and it surprises him how even his innermost thoughts spill out, things he probably never would’ve said otherwise because they aren’t words he would usually dare utter to anyone.

“Are you saying you would rather stay cooped up in here, not seeing anyone, slowly just… _dying_?” Her voice is a whisper, but the words hit Rei like daggers. Gou used those words they’d been dancing around earlier, and it makes him realise just how much of an idiot he’s been for underestimating how much she cares for him. She’s not just that guy she use to be managing a swim team with, she’s a _friend_.

Rei doesn’t have a good response to that, so he doesn’t say anything at all. Gou walks out into the kitchen, and he doesn't have the energy to keep protesting against her wanting to cook him something to eat. At the same time, he feels bad, because he doesn't want to have others baby him when he's perfectly capable of taking care of himself. **  
**

Okay, no — he isn't. Gou isn't dumb; she can sense these things from several miles away. From Iwatobi, even. Or maybe it was a little blue bird who whispered to her what's really going on, and that's why she's here. Rei wouldn't be surprised if Nagisa's told her, because they're friends. Friends talk to each other, they share each other's concerns, and they do most everything they can to make their friends happy. Gou and Nagisa are two textbook examples of this.

Gou comes back out after a while, and the food she carries on the tray does smell delicious. Rei feels his stomach rumble at the smell and soon even sight of what's presented to him, as Gou sits down.

"Eat," she commands. "I'm taking the liberty of having some of this, too, because my lunch wasn't nearly filling enough to last me until I get back home."

 

* * *

 

Gou ends up almost force-feeding Rei — ' _it's the_ _because-I-care-about-you kind of force-feeding, Rei-kun_ ' — and after a while, he does give in and eats the rest himself. It's just omurice, it's easily digested, and he finds out Gou makes an absolute  _killer_ omurice. Whatever she found in those cupboards, Rei has to give her a standing ovation for having been able to produce this kind of food from it.

As always when it comes to his caring and doting friends, Rei feels immensely guilty and at times just wants to ask her to leave. Because he knows Gou isn't going to leave him alone until she's absolutely certain he won't either starve to death or do something drastic that would either end him up in a hospital or in a morgue. Not that he thinks he'd actually go that far, but she apparently isn't too sure. It almost feels insulting to Rei that she thinks he could go that far over a failed relationship, but at the same time, he isn't even sure himself what he'd do if things became worse than they already are.

When she comes back from the kitchen after cleaning up, Gou sits down right next to Rei, and before he has a chance to ask why she's so adamant on invading his personal space up until the last millimetre, she pulls him towards her into an embrace without a word. Rei is slightly startled and shocked by the gesture, but it doesn't take him long before he relaxes and returns the hug.

"I hate that we live so far apart, and that I can only come see you every now and then instead of whenever I want. I know it's because our lives have changed so much since graduation, but it still sucks, you know?"

"Yeah," Rei agrees with a sigh. "Gou-san?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

Gou tightens her embrace and lets out a little laugh. She sounds relieved. "Anytime."

And when she leaves that evening, Rei feels a little bit better. He feels like he at least has friends who can and will support him through this, and that he isn't alone. Even if there's still a big, gaping hole within him, maybe it'll one day be filled with the love, care and devotion his friends has for him.

If only he could scratch out that 'maybe'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart aches at the fluff. I'm not even gonna say this is self-indulgent, because this fic really needed this. ReiGou!!!


	50. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei spends New Year's Eve with his two best friends, and the beginning of the new year spells out "rebuilding".

While they didn't manage to get Rei out of the house for Christmas, Nagisa and Gou finally persuade him to come to Iwatobi for New Year's, where they'll spend the evening at Nagisa's house. Now that Rei's actually left the house and is sitting on the train from Kokubunji back to Tottori and Iwatobi, he has to admit that it might be good for him. Getting away from Tokyo, from the city bustle, from the place where he knows Makoto's most definitely going to be. Because if Haruka's still in Tokyo, what reason would Makoto have to come back other than for his family? Rei's pretty sure not even Jun and Yuiko could convince their son to come back home, if just for New Year's.

So maybe this is for the best. Them spending New Year's in different cities, over an hour apart from each other by train. It'll hopefully give Rei some time to just focus on being with his friends, and having fun. He feels like he hasn't had "fun" in ages, and that maybe Nagisa and Gou can make him forget about his worries, even if it's just for New Year's. At least that'd be better than never getting a break from these thoughts and feelings of his.

Nagisa greets him with a tight and enthusiastic embrace at the station, and the two converse on their way over to Nagisa's house. Gou joins them about halfway there, and the two of them talk to him about all sorts of things on the way to the house. Rei feels Gou's concerned glances at him whenever he directs his attention to Nagisa, but he doesn't dare meet her gaze.  _At least I'm here_ , he wants to say.  _At least I'm alive_.

The three of them gather in Nagisa's living room, but Nagisa temporarily disappears into the kitchen to fetch them all something to drink, as well as a few snacks before their dinner arrive. Neither of them had been very keen on cooking tonight, so they decided to order in instead. Not that Rei minds, and he knows Nagisa probably doesn't, either. And Gou seems to be happy with it, as well, seeing as that also relieved  _her_ of the duties of making the traditional soba noodles. _  
_

"How are you doing?" Gou asks and gently nudges Rei's arm while Nagisa's still in the kitchen, happily humming on some tune Rei doesn't recognise. He shrugs.

"Okay, I suppose. Listen... thanks for the other day, Gou-san. I really appreciated it."

"Even if I force-fed you?" she jokes. Rei manages a smile.

"Yes. I feel like I don't deserve either one of you."

She elbows him lightly in the side and clicks her tongue. "Don't say that. We're always going to be here for you, and you'd better get used to it."

"Thank you, Gou-san."

"Hey, hey — what're we talking about? Secrets?"

Nagisa's cheerful voice reaches them, and Gou laughs a little. "It's not a secret, Nagisa-kun."

"Oh, hey, speaking of secret," Nagisa says, and the two of them exchange weird glances that make Rei confused. Both of them disappear into the hallway for a minute or so, and Rei finds himself sitting alone in the living room, not having a single clue about what's going on right now. It becomes clear to him when Gou and Nagisa return, Gou carrying a small bag in her hand, and his breath hitches in his throat.

"Since we didn't see you for Christmas, this is... pretty late. So, happy belated birthday, Rei-kun," Gou says, and slides the bag over to him. Nagisa looks at Rei, and grins.

"But now you're here, so we can finally give you this. It's from the both of us, by the way. Man, I've been  _itching_ to give you this. Open it!"

"Nagisa-kun, you're acting like a child," Gou scolds, but there's no real bite to her voice. Still stunned, Rei takes the bag that Gou gives over to him, and he reaches inside to take out a very neatly wrapped box. "It's not a lot, I know, but we just really wanted to give you this. And yes, I wrapped it," Gou continues, and Nagisa pouts.

"I would've helped, if you allowed me to."

Rei unwraps the box Gou and Nagisa have given to him, and what he pulls out is a little blue bird, attached to a white, cylindrical base. Upon further inspection, he realises it's a night light that plugs into the wall. It's a very nice colour, and blue is a colour associated with calming people down, so that's probably their reasoning behind it.

"Wow," he says, though he isn't sure his tone matches what he truly feels. "Thank you, this is so kind of you."

"Rei-chan, stop being so  _formal,_ " Nagisa complains. "I actually saw that the other day, and thought it'd be good. For you, that is." **  
**

Rei smiles, a genuine smile for once, and he gets up to hug them both as thanks. He only manages to get to Gou before Nagisa jumps them both and joins them in a group hug. It's something they should've both expected, really, but Rei can't complain — he's just so grateful for, and to, his friends.

"Thank you," he mumbles. "I know you'll berate me for saying this, but I still don't feel like I deserve you both."

Gou gives him a light thwack over the back of his head, but she laughs. "I knew you'd say that. But you do. Okay?"

No point in arguing with Gou, really, so Rei just relents with a little smile. "Okay. Thank you."

 

* * *

 

Half an hour before midnight, the three make it up to the shrine. There are surprisingly few people around considering what time it is, but that just means they'll get up to said shrine faster. There are a few families with yawning kids, and Rei finds the sight adorable. He remembers going up here when he was a child himself, how his parents had taken him here to pray to the gods on New Year's Eve. Several years later, he's doing it with his friends, much like last year, and it still feels strange.

It feels even stranger this time around since Makoto isn't one of those with him.

Nagisa, Rei and Gou sit down on their knees in front of the shrine. They clap their hands twice, and then bow their heads in silent prayer. Rei doesn't really think there's no need for him to wish for anything, since what he  _really_ wants to wish for probably won't come true in the coming year, anyway. Even so, he sits with his eyes closed and hands together in prayer for a few seconds, listening to the bell ringing not too far from where they're sitting. Even so, the sounds feel distant, somehow. Like they're miles away, and it must be because of the atmosphere. The three of them get up after less than a minute, and walk off to the side.

"I can't believe another year has already passed," Gou says, looking up at the sky, probably waiting for the fireworks.

Nagisa rubs his now gloved hands together and blows hot air on them. "Neither can I. It feels like it wasn't that long ago when we graduated."

"We should keep this a tradition for as long as we can. As long as we don't live hours and hours apart, that is."

Rei hums in agreement, and then the first fireworks go off. He looks up at the sky, and watches the colours spread across the sky, listens to the loud explosions, and to the people enthusiastically cheering around him. The whole thing reminds him of the spring festival, now almost two years earlier, where Makoto and Rei had gone on their first date. The memory comes back like a punch in the gut, and Rei feels tears gather his eyes. Clenching his fists, he quickly makes his way through the crowds, ignoring how Gou calls after him.

He walks a bit down the hill, standing beside the path where there's a park bench and a lamppost. He takes a few shaky breaths through his nose, wipes away the few stray tears that fall. Rei wonders just how long he's going to have to  _feel_ this way, how long it'll take before he can go back to being normal again. When he can go back into work, start to properly hang out with people without that grey cloud constantly hanging over his head. He's ashamed to admit even to himself that he doesn't know just how to be independent now that a significant part has been ripped away from him.

"Rei-kun?"

He doesn't turn around, because he doesn't have to. He sniffles once, clears his throat, and before he knows it, two arms wrap around his middle.

"Where's Nagisa-kun?" he asks, voice still unsteady.

"He met his sisters, and told me to go without him."

They stand in silence for a while. A few people walk past them down the hill and cast worried or just weird glances, but Rei honestly couldn't care less. He turns around so he can hug Gou back, and lets himself relax in her arms. Again, he  _really_ doesn't feel like he deserves her and Nagisa being so patient with and generous to him, but this time, he's wise enough to keep it to himself. He gathers himself, at least for the most part, and lets out a slow exhale.

"Feel better?" Gou asks, and he nods.

"Yeah. Thank you."

"It was nothing. Always here for you, even if you live in Tokyo. I think I've proved that I'll still come over if you need me to."

He manages a short laugh. "You have. Of course, I'm here for you, too, should you need me."

"I know. Do you want to head back?"

"Yes," he says, feeling like he's calmed down enough to do so, and for them to meet up with Nagisa again.

 

* * *

 

" _Hello?_ "

Rei swallows hard. "Hello, Junko-san. It's me, Rei. I was wondering if you would allow me to come back into work come Monday."

" _Oh, Rei! How are you?_ "

 _Not answering the question, huh. Bad sign_ , Rei thinks. "I'm good, thank you. How are you?"

" _Good, good — can't complain. Are you sure you're able to work?_ "

"Yes," he answers. "I've had  _too_ much time to myself here at home. I'm more than capable of working. And if not, you're more than welcome to send me home."

Junko sighs. " _Okay. I'm not doing this to punish you, I hope you know that. I'm just looking out for your best, and I know things have been... tough for you. Not that I know exactly what happened, but I can guess. And yes, you can come into work on Monday. Same time as usual_."

Thank god she didn't ask. "Thank you, Junko-san. I will do my best to not disappoint you."

She laughs. " _I know you will. I look forward to seeing you soon_."

Rei lets out a sigh of relief when he hangs up the phone call. Well, at least he hadn't gotten himself  _fired_ over these past few weeks that he hasn't been to work. Which in and of itself is strange, since usually people would probably get fired after only a few days of absence. Sure, Junko said she knew something was wrong, but they must've still needed people to come in for work. Unless she had those part-timers come in for longer shifts, which would make sense. Either way, Rei's glad he still has his job, and vows to himself to try his best and a little more to keep it. It's the least he can do for all she's done for him with this job.

The new year's begun, and Rei begins it with a visit to the gym by the station. It's been far too long since he went, and being back on the treadmill feels good. Liberating, almost. It's probably just his body releasing endorphins, but either way works for him, really. After about fifteen minutes as a warm-up, he goes onto lifting weights. His muscles have deflated considerably since his high school days, and now is as good time as any to try and get back on track, really. He can't say he's feeling good, but Rei definitely feels  _better_ , and that's probably a decent start. None of this would've been possible without the help of his friends, of course.

He pushes himself a little harder than he usually would, but it feels great. And even if his muscles ache the next day, he knows he's at least doing something productive for once. Having been cooped up in the apartment for god knows how long has not only taken a toll on his mental, but obviously also physical, health. New year, new possibilities, and even though he doesn't want to be  _too_  optimistic, maybe there's a chance he can change a few things about himself, too. Maybe he won't be a "new Rei", but getting rid of a few things that clung with him until now would be good for him.

Saturday morning, he  _does_ wake up with a slight ache in his body, but he doesn't mind it. Sleeping under the kotatsu for so long has also apparently made him immune to the stiffness one would usually suffer from having slept under there, so it isn't so bad. Rei takes a shower, has a light breakfast consisting of rice, miso, an omelette, and vegetables. He's at least somewhat taken up his old morning routine again, and it feels like he  _might_ just be able to put his life back together again. Again, he doesn't want to be too optimistic, but just maybe.

Rei decides to take a walk after breakfast, even though there's quite a bit of snow on the ground. At least they've done a good job with ploughing on the pavement, so it isn't too bad walking around. The sun's shining, and Rei takes some time to just stand still, close his eyes and let the sun warm him up a bit. The small roads are quiet; there aren't many cars running by, and he only sees some of his neighbours and other passers-by as he walks up to the train station.

His walk is only about fifteen minutes long, but it's enough. It makes him feel a little more refreshed, and he walks back towards the apartment building. He hadn't checked the mail before he left, so that's what he plans on doing when he comes back. Checking the mail always makes his heart ache, because there's  _always_ something in there addressed to Makoto. Haruka comes by every so often to pick up Makoto's share of the mail, but the pile ends up growing quite large despite those occasional, short visits.

He turns the corner to finally end up outside his apartment building. Doesn't have to walk very far, because he sees a figure that's so familiar that it makes him  _stop_. A tall person, not  _too_ much taller than himself. Said person's just standing outside, looking up at  _their_ apartment, and then he turns his head.

 

* * *

 

Rei can’t help but stare. He hasn’t seen Makoto in two months, but it feels like so much longer. It also looks like Makoto’s changed — did his hair get longer? — but Rei can’t put a finger on _what_ has changed, exactly.

His first instinct is to turn around and run up the stairs, not turning back, not looking down at Makoto. Sadly, his legs aren’t listening to his brain, and they refuse to take him away from there, stubbornly keeping him in place. Rei’s tongue feels like sandpaper, and he’s completely lost the ability to talk, let alone make any kind of sound. Instead, Makoto is the one to break the silence.

“Hey,” Makoto says, and Rei feels like he’s going to pass out. He swallows hard, and clears his throat.

“Hey,” he replies.

“Been a while.”

Rei wants to snort, but he doesn't have it in him. “It has.”

The silence is deafening, and Rei can’t even hear the noise going on around them; the cars driving by on the road behind the apartment complex, the sound of the wind blowing in the trees and rustling the leaves — nothing. It’s just a thick silence filling his ears, and it’s suffocating.

Gladly, Makoto breaks the silence after a few, far too long, minutes, and he walks towards Rei, closing the distance between them. “Rei, I—“

“’Rei’? I thought I was ‘Ryuugazaki-kun’ to you.”

What he says surprises even himself, and he regrets the words immediately. Rei bites the inside of his cheek, but he doesn’t let Makoto see the regret on his face.

“What? What are you _talking_ about?” Makoto asks, and Rei clenches his fists at his side.

“I overheard your conversation with Sera-senpai a while ago.”

He stops there and hopes Makoto will figure it out himself. He should, when else would he have been talking to Sera-senpai after that time? Maybe they’d seen each other a few times after that? Maybe they—

Rei immediately shakes the train of thought off, knowing it’s not going in a desirable direction. Makoto frowns, appearing in thought, and then his eyes widen.

“Wait… you… were there?”

“I was. I’d been out in town having lunch, and I was heading home.” He avoids mentioning having met and had said lunch with Haruka, since that’s only going to shift onto a subject he’s not yet ready to bring up. He knows he has to, though, since he has so many unanswered questions still.

“And then I heard Sera-senpai’s voice, shortly followed by yours. I couldn’t help but listen.”

Makoto doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but his mouth opens and closes a few times as if he’s trying to form words, but they won’t come out. Rei averts his gaze and looks to the side, looks up at the windows belonging to the apartments on the second floor. Looking at Makoto is painful, and even if he tries denying it, he can clearly see signs of emotional distress in Makoto’s facial features.

“I didn’t… mean it like that, it just… slipped out. I was hurt, sad and angry at the time, and I said it without thinking. You’ll— you’ll always be Rei to me. And… I assume that wasn’t everything you heard.”

“No, it wasn't.”

“What else did you hear?”

“What do you _think_ I heard?” Rei counters. He’s tired of having to do all of the work, steering the conversation in the right direction. ‘It takes two to tango’ — just like Kengo had told him not too long ago, which is true, of course. But why does only one person have to take the command, in that case?

Makoto inhales sharply, probably realising what Rei meant. Hearing it feels like someone’s shoved a knife straight into Rei’s gut, and he flinches. This is too much. He wants to get away, to leave everything behind and forget this entire thing happened.

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean that!” Makoto says, panic suddenly evident in his voice. “Like I said, I was sad and angry, and I just… I didn’t want to think about you, that’s why I said that so Sera-kun wouldn’t continue asking me about you!”

At this point, all Rei can do is choose whether to believe Makoto or not. And, really — when has Makoto ever lied to him before? He can’t possibly recall a time where that has happened, and if it has, it probably wasn’t anything too major.

“So you didn’t mean anything when you said those things? When you told him you hadn’t heard from me since you graduated, when you called me ‘Ryuugazaki-kun’?”

“I promise, I didn’t!” Makoto is close to tears now, and Rei wants to stop it from happening. He knows that once he sees Makoto cry, he’s done for. “I just… I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still Rei… _my_ Rei, and I want to be yours again, too.”

These words makes Rei feel conflicted. He’s happy that Makoto still considers him _his_ , he’s in fact overjoyed. But at the same time… this is just the tip of the iceberg. He still has some things of his own to say, and to apologise for.

“I have to be honest with you, and I hope you’ll give me honesty in return. I have talked to Haruka, and—“

“ _Haruka_?” Makoto asks, confused, and Rei waves his hand dismissively. Doesn't want to take detours.

“Long story. He told me that there have been some… changes in your relationship with him. And that something almost happened between you. Is it true that he stopped it from happening?”

He doesn’t want to say the words, to acknowledge the fact that Makoto had tried to kiss another man than himself. It was something he used to think would eventually happen a long time ago, back when he felt like he wasn’t good enough for Makoto, thinking that his boyfriend would eventually grow tired of him and go over to someone who would definitely be able to make him happy.

Makoto looks down at his feet, and Rei sees him ball his hands into fists at his sides. “Yeah, it’s true. And he did stop me, which I’m thankful for. I wasn’t thinking clearly, and I guess I was just doing it because he’d been so supportive of me for a while there, and… I’m sorry, Rei. It was a short thing, but I came to my senses, I realised that I was doing the wrong thing and that I should cherish what I have before it’s gone.”

“So you don’t feel anything for him? At all?”

Makoto looks at him for a second, and then he looks down again. “Not anymore, it was a very fleeting thing. I’m still trying to get over it, and I guess living with him doesn’t help. I don’t know why it came _now_ of all times, when I’ve known him my entire life. It could have come so much sooner, but it chose to appear at a time when I’m dating someone else. I want to move out from his place, I want to come back here… come back home. Because I love you, and I really want to be with you, and no one else. I’m so sorry, Rei.”

His chest hurts, and Rei almost feels like walking back inside again, not wanting to listen to Makoto admitting to the fact that he at least _had_ romantic feelings towards Haruka. In a way, he wishes he’d never found out, wanting to have lived blissfully unaware of what’s really going on. But maybe then things would’ve eventually ended between him and Makoto anyway, since Makoto’s feelings would inevitably grow stronger, possibly to the point of him not loving Rei anymore. It’s a possibility Rei would never want to see become reality, and maybe he should be glad that he now knows.

Rei sighs. “Listen, Makoto, I… I’m sorry, too,” he begins, feeling like he’s going to throw up at any second. “I shouldn’t have taken you for granted, I should’ve appreciated you being there, taking the time out of your day to be with me when you still had a busy schedule to keep up with.”

Makoto shakes his head and closes his eyes for a second. “It’s okay, I should’ve done the same, and not just gone home to Haru’s every day just because it was more convenient. It... started out as me feeling guilty, and sorry for him. Guilty because we barely hung out in the first place despite being best friends. But then as I kept going there more often, it turned into a thing where I didn't dare come home, because I felt guilt towards _you_. I never meant for this to happen, Rei. I’m sorry.”

Rei has had a feeling this was the issue, but it still doesn’t justify Makoto’s actions. What Makoto really needs to do is learn how to spend time with people equally. It’s obviously never going to be precisely equal, but it takes some time to form a good balance.

It’s the same with pretty much everything; balancing business with pleasure, for them having to balance studies with their swimming practice back in high school. Rei recalls the time when Nagisa’s parents had threatened to make him quit the swimming club because he’d done poorly in school for the past month or so, and Nagisa had to learn how to both study and still do well in swimming practice.

“I don’t want to monopolise you,” Rei says. “I don’t want to forbid you from seeing Haruka, I just… I just wanted you to spend some time with me, too. He might be your best friend, but I was— I’m supposed to be your boyfriend.”

“Of course,” Makoto says, but it’s more like a whisper. “Of course… and I really want to try again. I really want to treasure you both, and to spend time with both of you equally. I just want you to give me another chance, and… ask you to tell me when I’m being unfair. Haru did that to me, and I wouldn’t listen… but that was then. I’ve changed since, and… I just want to be with you, Rei. So… can you? Can you give me another chance?”

Rei is tired. He’s tired of being alone, of being depressed, and tired of this fight in general. All he really wants is for things to go back to normal, but he wonders if it’ll be that easy after all that’s happened. Is Makoto going to be able to just ‘forget’ about his feelings for Haruka? And how is he going to do that in the first place?

“What about Haruka, then?” he asks, not being able to stop himself. He has to know; if the two of them are to try again, all cards must be laid out on the table and nothing can stay hidden. A relationship is supposed to be built on trust, and if they don’t have that, their relationship is going to crumble to pieces within no time.

“I’m… not going to see him that much for a while. I’ve already told him so, that I need to spend some time away from him to think, to rebuild my relationship with you — if you want to, that is — and get back on track. Because this isn’t what I want. What I want is to live a life with you by my side, it’s what I’ve always wanted, and it’s the only thing that makes sense.”

 _You're the only thing that makes sense to me, too_. Rei knows there's no other way for him to go about this. For one, the apartment he currently lives in alone doesn't even belong to him; it's in Makoto's name, and he technically doesn't have the right to live there if Makoto doesn't. He also really  _wants_ to give Makoto a second chance, even though he's hesitant. Rei knows he'll never forgive himself if he doesn't take the risk, if he doesn't give Makoto the chance. So he does.

"Okay," he finally says, relenting, letting some of his shields down. "Okay, I can give you another chance. You can come back... home."

So Makoto does. He comes inside, and he places his bag onto the floor when he gets inside. Rei uses the bathroom as an excuse to get away for a bit, to let Makoto properly come inside, and he sits on the toilet seat just gathering strength and breathing deeply before he considers himself  _somewhat_ ready to face Makoto again. In the apartment in which they haven't been in at the same time in almost three agonisingly long months.

That night, Makoto takes Rei's place by the kotatsu, and Rei sleeps in their bed for the first time, also, in three months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... okay, so maybe that wasn't _quite_ the reunion one would have expected/wanted. I'm aware of this. But it also wouldn't be realistic to have them run into each other's arms after everything that's happened. Time, and patience—and good things will come to those who wait.


	51. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto does his best to earn his place in Rei's life again, and gets a lecture not only from one, but _two_ women in his life.

_Makoto_.

 

He moves his things back bit by bit. Takes things slow, doesn't stay in Rei's space for too long. Slowly but surely, the apartment looks like there  _are_ two people living there, again. Like one of them  _hadn't_ moved out in a blind fit of rage, hurt and confusion. Makoto doesn't know how, still, but he's glad Rei found it in him to give Makoto a second chance. He can tell himself and Rei as many times as he wants that he won't screw it up this time, that he'll cherish Rei and their time together. But it won't make a difference unless his actions mirror his words.

Makoto doesn't sleep in their bedroom, and keeps sleeping under the kotatsu. It's tough to get used to, and he wonders how Rei ever managed to sleep here. Rei didn't outright  _tell_ him that he'd slept under there, but he hadn't exactly taken away his pillow and other things before Makoto took that spot. He doesn't know exactly why Rei hasn't slept in their bed, and while he has his suspicions, he also doesn't want to think about them too much since it'd make him feel like he's thinking too highly of himself.

They don't speak much for the first few days, but it doesn't really matter, since they barely see each other, anyway. Makoto also has a feeling Rei tries to avoid being at home as much as he can, but he doesn't say anything about it. Makoto's still very much busy with his studies, and Rei works at A la Campagne as usual, so there isn't a whole lot of time in the day where they actually spend at home together. When he isn't studying in the library after his last lecture or seminar of the day, Makoto comes back home pretty much straight away. It isn't that he feels like he  _has_ to, but he wants to.

Aside from very short, few-worded exchanges when Makoto had been moving stuff out of Haruka's apartment, he hasn't spoken to him since the day he moved his last things out.

They aren't necessarily on bad terms, but things aren't really  _good_ , either. Makoto's screwed up not only for himself and Rei, but Haru, too. All he can do is teach himself to be patient, to take things as they come, and to let people have the space they both require and need. In the meantime, he works on trying to rebuild himself. Takes his pills as he should, goes to see Dr. Sawakiguchi for his 'once a week' talk. Spends time with his friends, and lets them make him forget about things, even if it's just for a little bit.

"I know you don't need me to tell you this," Touka says before taking a smoke, slowly exhaling into the chilly air, "but you've really been an idiot. And I'm honestly surprised he took you back."

Makoto hugs his middle tighter, looks down at the snow on the ground. "I know. And I am, too. We aren't exactly back to the way things used to be, but I... understand him. I just don't know how to make things better now that we live under the same roof again."

"Patience, really," she replies simply with a shrug. "Give him space. Let him come to you. Just show that you're there, don't go running off to that Nanase—"

"We're not really hanging out, anyway," Makoto interrupts, and Touka waves her free hand dismissively.

"Okay, well — that's good. But I mean, if you  _really_ want to be with him, just show it. Suggest doing something with him, I don't know. Dates? Do people go on dates, still? I don't know, since I don't date."

"I suppose I could try that," Makoto replies.

"Stop being so modest, Makoto. Who's gonna want a man like that? Jesus. Take him by storm, sweep him off his feet, do whatever the fuck it takes to win him back. You've spent months moping around, now you've gotta make up for it. In spades, but... moderately. If you know what I mean."

Makoto manages a laugh at that. "Thanks, Touka-san."

Touka sighs exasperatedly and rolls her eyes. "Drop the -san, already!"

 

* * *

 

Makoto hands in his psychology assignment one day before deadline, having worked on it almost non-stop in the library a few days in a row after his classes had ended. He's struggled with understanding some of the theories regarding behavioural psychology, but after Youhei had explained things to him, it made at least a  _little_ more sense, and he now feels a little more confident about handing it in. Thankfully, this is the only thing he has to hand in this week, and then the next thing he has is a text to study for, in less than two weeks.

On his way out from a particularly boring lecture in education and special needs — it having thankfully been the last of the day — Makoto sends off a text to Rei. He realises it's the first text he's sent him since November sometime, and suddenly it just feels weird. Like texting a stranger, even if it's about groceries.

 **You** :

 _Hi! Are you home yet? Was thinking I could do some grocery shopping on my way home, in case you haven't_.

It doesn't sound  _too_ forward... does it? Makoto bites on his lower lip, wondering if he should've phrased it differently. No use in trying to do anything now, since he's already sent the message, and maybe he's just overreacting. His reply arrives when he's about to pass the station area, and he stops.

 **Rei** :

 _I'm on my way home. Would be nice if you could do the grocery shopping. Thanks_.

His heart aches a little at the clipped response, but he knew he couldn't have expected anything else. He stops by the family mart closest to the north exit to buy groceries and other necessities, and then heads back to their apartment building. Coming back here again feels... strange. Like he doesn't belong here, like he doesn't have the right to be here. It feels like stepping into forbidden territory, but this is supposed to be his  _home_ , the place where he lives together with Rei. He knows he has to earn his place here again, even if it's technically  _his_ apartment; he's the one who left, the one who said all those things that ended up hurting Rei. He's the one who nearly cheated on his boyfriend.

Makoto doesn't know if he'll ever be able to forgive himself for it, and he obviously can't blame Rei if he can't, either. Since this is only like some sort of trial period between the two, Makoto has to  _really_ work on the flaws that ended up blowing up in their faces, and to balance his social life with the relationship he has with Rei, as well as his studies. It's very reminiscent of what Nagisa had to do in order to stay on the swim team in his second year of high school, and Nagisa had managed to do it in the end. Makoto hopes it means he can pull off such a feat as well — at least that's what he's aiming for.

"I'm home," he says when he comes in through the door, and puts the bag down onto the floor to take his coat and shoes off. Rei comes to meet him by the door, and after giving Makoto a quick look and an acknowledging nod, he takes the bag up from the floor and goes into the kitchenette. Makoto swallows a sigh as he follows Rei inside, silently offering to help him put away the groceries in the pantry and fridge. Thankfully, Rei doesn't object, and the two go on about their business in silence.

When Rei goes to sit down by the kotatsu, Makoto does the same, and he sits down to Rei's left rather than on the opposite side. He turns on the TV, and leaves it on the news. If anything, it'll be background noise that won't make the silence between them so unbearable.

"How was your day?" he asks tentatively. Rei shrugs.

"The usual." He hesitates a little, but then speaks again. "Yours?"

"Tiring. I had an assignment due, and then just a bunch of long, boring lectures. It's  _really_ different this year, and tough." He laughs a little, but Rei doesn't react, and mostly just keeps his eyes on the TV in front of him. It  _was_ a good idea to turn that thing on, after all.

"I see. Don't overwork yourself."

"I won't. Should we make dinner?"

Rei shrugs, and gets up from the floor. "Okay."

Makoto chops vegetables and washes the rice, and Rei takes care of everything that needs to be done on the stove, as well as the seasoning. He's still not really allowed to cook for the both of them despite his improvements, but Makoto still likes cooking together with Rei, even if it  _does_ mean all he does is chop vegetables. The circumstances could've been better, sure, but this is a start. A new beginning of their relationship, maybe.

Their dinner conversation is less stilted than the very short one they had before that, but Rei still keeps his distance. Makoto tells him about his modules, about his upcoming work for a nearby swimming school for kids, where he'll be observing a coach and help out with basic things. Rei listens to what he says and makes the occasional hum of acknowledgement, as well as offering a few comments. That, for now, is good enough for Makoto. He can't be greedy in his position, and he knows it.

When Rei comes out of the bathroom after his shower that night, Makoto's just about to lie down under the kotatsu blanket and turn off the lamp he's placed on the table next to him. He turns his head slightly to look at Rei.

"Going to bed?"

"... yeah."

"Okay. Good night."

He turns his head around again, and turns off the light to lie down. Not even a minute later, he feels a soft nudge against his shoulder, and he flinches.

"W-what?"

"Sorry," Rei mumbles. "I was just... wondering if you'd want to sleep in the, er... bedroom."

Makoto opens his eyes, but he doesn't turn his head this time. "Really?"

"Yes. If you want to."

This time, he sits up, and turns on the light. Rei's hair is still messy from his shower, and there's a little strand hanging down over his forehead that Makoto wants to push to the side, but he holds his hands in place. "I do," he says, and Rei nods once before he gets up from the floor again.

Rei falls asleep with his back turned to Makoto, and when Makoto's sure he  _has_ fallen asleep, he lets out a long sigh before closing his eyes for the second time that night.

He wakes up again about two hours later when Rei flinches for the umpteenth time that night, this one flinch having been particularly intense. Makoto turns around again to face Rei's back, and he notices Rei's shoulders are shaking. When he scoots closer, he realises Rei's crying, and in his sleep, too.

"—n't leave," he mumbles between sniffles. "I don't want to... lose you... Makoto."

Makoto's breath hitches in his throat. As silently and discreetly as he can, he crawls out of bed, reaches for his pill bottle and takes it with him into the bathroom. When he's closed the door behind him and slid down onto the floor with his back against it, he swallows a pill dry and does the breathing exercises Dr. Sawakiguchi had told him about so many times before. This is the first time in a few weeks he's had to do it, and for a 'good' reason, too.

When he goes back to bed, Rei's sleeping peacefully again, his nightmare probably having passed. Makoto manages to sleep through the rest of the night without any problems, but he wonders if going back to sleep in their bed so soon was such a good idea, after all.

 

* * *

 

Makoto clears his throat, looks up at the sign. Four minutes. It  _should_ take her less time to say whether or not he should bother with this hour long trip. Or at least he hopes so.

"Hi, Gou-chan, it's been a while," he begins, and expects her to hang up. But she doesn't.

" _Makoto-senpai_ ," she acknowledges. " _It sure has. Are you doing well?_ "

Considering the circumstances? He doesn't know how to take the question. Maybe she's just asking out of politeness. He also figures asking her to stop adding the -senpai to his name is bad timing, and he really isn't one to talk when he can't even stop using a honorific on one of his closest friends.

"I am, thank you. And you?"

" _Can't complain. Something on your mind?_ "

She really  _is_ keeping her distance, much like Rei. So that means she has to know quite a lot about what's happened. It makes Makoto nervous; he knows Gou isn't one to fool around with in situations like these. He ironically wonders if he'll get to come back home in one piece.

"I was wondering if you're free this evening. I wanted to come by and talk."

" _To Iwatobi? Er, sure. I mean, I guess? Where are you?_ "

"Waiting on the train at my station," he replies. Two minutes.

" _Okay. Well, I can come meet you. I have enough time to go home and get changed, so that's fine. See you soon_."

He barely has time to say goodbye before she hangs up, and Makoto puts his phone back into his coat pocket with a sigh. This will most definitely not be a pretty reunion, but again, he probably deserves all of the bad things that are thrown at him right now. All he can do is take it, and try to redeem himself. And it begins with those closest to the both of them, one of those being Gou. He doesn't feel like he'll be able to handle Nagisa in the same day, but he knows he'll have to, and soon.

Before he'd left, he'd told Rei he was going back to Iwatobi for the evening, but thankfully, Rei hadn't asked him why or anything else. Rei probably wasn't too interested, either. Makoto hoped he'd been able to at least convey the message that this was for a good cause, but in worst case scenario he'd just have to explain later. At least Gou would be able to vouch for him... unless she'd want to lie. Would she? Makoto doesn't know.

The train arrives, and Makoto spends the hour long ride back to Tottori prefecture scrolling through things on the internet on his phone, and just staring out the window. He feels more and more nervous the closer he gets, and when the train finally rolls into Iwatobi station, he takes a deep but shaky breath to steady himself for what could potentially be awaiting him outside the station. A punch in the gut? Would Gou do that, would she go so far to show her disappointment in him?

As she'd previously said, Gou's waiting outside the station when he comes down the stairs. He wonders if it's okay to come up to her and give her a hug after all this time, even considering everything that's happened recently. He decides on just stopping in front of her and giving her the best smile he can muster.

"Hi," he says. "It's— it's good to see you."

Gou regards him for a second, but then softens a little. "You, too. Want to grab something to eat?"

The two end up at a little hole-in-the-wall udon restaurant not too far from the station. It's warm inside, and Makoto rubs his hands together on the table as they're seated to warm himself up a little more. He discreetly looks up at Gou, who's looking out the window with her chin resting on her palm. She's changed quite a lot since they attended high school together; she looks a lot more mature, more grown-up. Resembles her mother a  _lot_ more, which is pretty cool. When she catches him looking at her, Makoto quickly darts his gaze away out the window, and she huffs in amusement.

"You don't have to be scared of me, Makoto-senpai. I'm not going to bite you."

He laughs nervously. "Sounds like something Rin would say."

"I guess I take after him more than I mean to."

They sit in silence and wait for their food, and Makoto begins absent-mindedly — okay, who's he kidding, he's still nervous despite what Gou told him — fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater, chewing on his bottom lip. For her five-foot-three stature, Gou can be  _really_ intimidating, even when she tells people not to be scared of her. Like her brother, sans the occasional tears. Makoto doesn't remember the last time he saw her cry, but it was definitely well over ten years ago. Her brother is a completely different story, of course.

Their noodle bowls arrive, and they begin eating, still not really saying anything. Makoto knows  _he_ has to go first, since he was the one to ask her to meet up in the first place. There's just something about taking that first step that always makes him hesitant for some reason, but he remembers what Touka had told him earlier about not being so modest, how he needs to learn to set his foot down and fight for what he wants. And obviously, he has to go through Rei's closest friends before he can do anything else.

"So, Gou...-chan," he begins hesitantly, "I wanted to apologise. To you, and to Nagisa. I'll talk to him, too, of course, but I want to do it one-on-one. I know both of you are probably very unhappy with me, and I understand that."

She raises her eyebrows slightly, but then sighs. "I really don't like taking sides when I don't have much to do with what's happening. But I guess maybe it's to be expected that I've become biased, because I saw Rei-kun when he was at his worst, and I don't want that to happen to him again. I was... I feared for his  _life_ , Makoto-senpai. I've never seen him like that."

Makoto recoils in horror at her words. "What happened?"

"He didn't eat. He slept under the kotatsu, because he didn't want to sleep in a bed he was supposed to share with you when you weren't even there. His boss told him not to come into work, because he was performing so poorly. He was like a walking dead person."

He leans back in his chair, staring down at his food. During all this time he's been feeling sorry for himself and being angry at Rei for his honestly very valid suspicions, he hadn't given a single thought to what Rei must've gone through. All that blind anger, confusion and hurt he'd felt completely clouded his vision, and now that Gou's clearing it up for him, he  _really_ doesn't like what he hears, and hates himself a lot more for what he's done than he did before they even met tonight.

"I was... he let me sleep in our bed last night," Makoto says, "and I woke up to him... crying. In his sleep. He had a nightmare about me leaving him."

Gou  _snorts_ , and she chews and swallows a piece of her fish cake before talking. "I wonder why. I'm sorry, Makoto-senpai, but are you really surprised at this? How does he act when he's around you?"

"Cold, distant. I mean, I expected that, of course, but—"

"And do you  _now_ get why he's like that at night?"

It takes him approximately two seconds before it dawns on him, and his heart sinks in his chest. "Because he's holding it in."

"Bingo," Gou says bitterly. "Of  _course_ he's scared of losing you; he's had to go through 'losing' his parents once, and they were pretty significant to him. I don't think I need to tell you how important _you_ are to him, as well. He doesn't tell me a lot, but I'm pretty sure my guesses aren't completely wrong. He doesn't want to show all of this to you, because he doesn't want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you're capable of causing him all of this pain."

Makoto almost stands up, feeling accused. "I'm not doing this on purpose, Gou-chan."

"I know," she retorts with a frown. "I'm not saying that you are. But _he_  probably feels like you are. So you have to prove that. And that you aren't going to leave him, because you aren't, right?"

"Of _course_ not!"

He realises his voice is  _still_ a little too loud, and he clears his throat before he sits back down again and exhales slowly, closing his eyes for a moment to calm himself down. "I'm sorry," he continues, his voice a mutter of embarrassment. "I'm not going to leave him; I  _want_ to be with him."

"Then show it," Gou answers simply. "Actions speak louder than words. Sousuke told me this once, and he's pretty good at doing that, actually. Acting instead of just  _saying_ he's going to do something. It means a lot more when you can see it with your own eyes instead of just hear about it. I'm sure Rei-kun feels the same way. I think anyone would, given the situation."

Silence falls again, and Makoto tries his best to enjoy his curry udon, but it just doesn't taste the way it normally should. It probably doesn't help that he feels like he's going to throw up at any second, either, and he realises it might be an oncoming anxiety attack. Very hesitantly, he digs out his bottle of pills, and takes one out under the table. He doesn't want to  _completely_ freak Gou out, but he also doesn't want to skip on a dose since Dr. Sawakiguchi watches over him like a hawk to make sure he's taking them regularly. She  _would_ notice if he skipped out even on one pill.

Makoto feels Gou's eyes on him, and he just knows he's going to have to explain. Well, he hasn't really told anyone besides his family and Rei, and maybe Gou deserves to know. Hell, not even  _Haru_ knows, and they're supposed to be best friends. Makoto still has a lot to work on when it comes to completely accepting his new way of life, and to let others into it, as well.

"It's medicine for my, er, anxiety", he explains a little clumsily, without her having even opened her mouth. "I'm supposed to take these regularly. Sorry if it's disturbing."

Gou shakes her head. "It's fine. How long have you taken those?"

"A few months. I can't skip out, because my psychiatrist keeps a close eye on my dosage."

Completely unexpected, Gou reaches a hand over the table to grab Makoto's, and he looks at their joined hands, perplexed.

"It'll be fine, Makoto-senpai. You just have to be patient. Show him that you want this as much as he does; I can assure you that he still wants to be with you. Otherwise he wouldn't have let you come back home."

He knows this; Rei most certainly isn't a pushover, and he, too, can be pretty intimidating and scary when he wants to. Makoto almost feels like he has to walk around on eggshells around him, like he can't do  _anything_ wrong or things'll break again. But he has to take risks in order to find out what he's doing right and wrong. Think before he speaks, act rather than say empty promises. Even if his first confrontation with Haru had ended in a fight, things still turned out well in the end, and they came out stronger from it. The only thing that managed to crack the surface between them again was Makoto, but he's going to make sure that doesn't happen between him and Rei again, too.

For once, Makoto wants to do things right. To keep what he loves and values in his life.

 

* * *

 

Gou walks him to the station, and it's long since gotten dark and a lot colder out. Makoto pulls his coat up a little, hunching his shoulders as they walk. He hates winter with a passion, and even though it's the same stupid thing every year, he can't get used to it. Tokyo's not that much more merciful on the weather front, either, so it doesn't really matter where he is. Winter's still winter; brutally cold, dark, and lasts far too long.

Outside the station, they stop walking, and Makoto looks up at the electronic signs. His train to Kokubunji's scheduled to come in five minutes, so he should go up pretty soon. He turns to face Gou, and lets out a breath.

"Thank you for meeting me tonight, and sorry for the short notice."

She shakes her head. "It's fine. I appreciate you taking this initiative. You don't get a gold medal considering everything else, but you get a pass in my book. Don't screw things up, now that you have a chance at redemption. Just be patient. Okay?"

"Yeah," Makoto replies, and he feels a little more relieved. "You know... Rei's really lucky to have you."

Gou punches him lightly in the shoulder, and grins. "He is. Have a safe trip back, Makoto-senpai."

"Thanks. And you be careful on your way back home, too."

"Of course," she replies with a roll of her eyes, but she still smiles.

When he arrives back at the apartment, it's completely dark inside, and he has to use the flash light function on his phone to navigate his way inside and around. He takes a quick shower, and then returns into the bedroom, albeit a little hesitantly. He knows he'll have to learn to live with this; with what he's done, and do his best to rid Rei of those nightmares, worries, and doubts of his.

He gets into bed as silently as he can, and when he's under the covers, Rei moves about a little.

"Welcome home," comes his voice, slightly muffled by the duvet. Makoto's eyebrows rise in surprise, and he's glad Rei isn't seeing it.

"I'm— I'm home," he replies. "Did you have a good day?"

"I did. How was your evening?"

"It was good. I met Gou on the way to the station, by the way. She sends her regards."

Rei hums, and Makoto wonders if he's just sounding tired or uninterested. "Okay. Thanks."

"Did I wake you, by the way? I didn't mean to."

"You didn't," Rei replies, but then he yawns. "I should really sleep, though."

"Yeah, me too. Good night, Rei."

"... Good night, Makoto."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [radiodread](http://radiodread.tumblr.com) @ tumblr


	52. Indecisiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei has two very persistent, but caring, friends.

"Rei? Could you come out here for a sec?"

He looks up from his tray of pastries, still holding up a piping bag with both hands. "Sure. Is it urgent?"

"Well, kind of. You in the middle of something?"

"Hang on a second."

He carefully puts the bag down onto the counter to make sure he doesn't make a mess, and then walks out into the shop where Junko's standing by the register, and she has a phone ringing in her hand. "Need to take this. It'll only take a second, and I'll be back," she says, and smiles apologetically. Rei shakes his head.

"It's fine, I'll take care of this until you get back."

"Thanks!" she says, and immediately hurries out the back. "You're a lifesaver!"

He almost rolls his eyes at her exaggeration, but instead just focuses his attention on tending to the customers lining up to the cash register. He's rarely ever out here, since he mostly just spends his time in the bakery — which is more like a kitchenette, but Junko thinks bakery sounds cooler, so that's what he's sticking with — mostly together with Yuuichirou. Today, however, Yuuichirou's at home with the flu, so it's just the two of them in the shop until clock strikes three, when he'll be giving the torch over to someone else.

Rei tends to six customers before Junko hurries back and thanks him for the help, and then he returns back into the bakery to finish piping the topping onto two trays full of cupcakes. He remembers when he first started working here, and they all came out looking vastly different. Now, he's mostly gotten the hang of it, and he's able to produce almost exact-looking copies of most of the things he bakes. To think he was never really that much into baking until Haruka had suggested Rei should come here and talk to Haruka's aunt about a possible job. Things have certainly been moving fast, but Rei still likes working at the little pastry shop, and he's grateful he still  _has_ his job, considering everything.

At a quarter past three, Rei leaves A la Campagne, and heads back home. When he's standing by the crossroad, waiting for a green light, he picks his phone out of his pocket, and upon lighting his display, he sees he has a new message from Gou. Slightly surprised, he opens it to give it a quick read.

 **Gou-san** :

 _Can you call me when you get off work?_ _I'd love to meet up, but I can't_.

His surprise is exchanged with confusion, and when he's crossed the street, he stops right by a mini-mart, and makes his call.

" _Hello?_ " Gou says after only a few signals.

"Hi, Gou-san. You told me to call?"

" _Ah, you're off work, finally. Okay, so are you at home?_ "

"Not yet," he replies. "Why?"

Gou sighs. " _I... met with Makoto-senpai the other day. He came to Iwatobi_."

 _So that's what he was doing back in Iwatobi_ , Rei thinks. Not that he'd ever really been suspicious or anything, since he at least hadn't been in Higashikoganei where Haruka lives. He just thought Makoto had been back home to see his family or something. Rei still doesn't feel courageous enough to face them himself after such a long time, and with his terrible poker face, there's no way they wouldn't be able to tell something's been going on.

"Oh," he breathes. "Okay."

There's an invisible question mark at the end, where he prompts Gou to continue talking. Thankfully, she quickly picks up on the hint.

" _He apologised for what he's done. To me, and he says he's going to talk to Nagisa-kun, too. It's almost like he's asking us for your hand in marriage._ "

Rei holds back a snort. "It does sound a little strange."

" _I appreciated it, though. That's gotta mean he's serious. I know you don't want to think much about any of this, but... he really does seem regretful. And I say that as one of your best friends. At least he's trying._ "

This time, Rei can't hold it back, and he does snort, accompanied with a roll of his eyes that he knows Gou can't see, anyway. He begins walking back home, knowing their phone call probably won't last all the way inside the apartment, let alone to the steps leading up to said flat.

"Okay. So what do you want me to do? Give him a gold medal for trying?"

" _I'm not saying that, dummy. I'm just saying that he at least hasn't given up on you two. Just something to keep in mind. I understand you're still upset and angry at him, but just try and put yourself in his shoes. Maybe not the whole... well, you know, the Haruka-senpai part, but making a mistake and wanting to make up for it. A big mistake, of course._ "

Sarcasm still courses through his veins when Rei replies. "Sure. Yeah, I'll think about it. I mean, I only just recently let him sleep in our bed again, why don't I just—"

" _Rei-kun_ ," Gou says sharply. " _I get it. I'm just telling you to think about it for a bit. He obviously doesn't want to throw away what you guys have had for two years. And if you have let him sleep next to you in bed again, you're obviously thinking along the same lines. So don't just leave him hanging, in that case. Do it properly or don't do it at all. Don't make his mistakes_."

He thinks it's kind of funny how someone like Gou, who's never been in a relationship, still somehow knows so much about how to go about them. Not that he questions her credibility or anything like that, but it just amazes him how that's even possible. He decides to actually take her words into consideration, and tells her so before the two hang up.

 

* * *

 

_There's a constant ringing in his head, and it doesn't matter that Rei foolishly tries to block it out by covering his ears. There isn't much you can do about it if it comes from the inside, after all._

_Grimacing, Rei walks forward in a corridor he feels like he's been through quite a few times in his life. His bare feet are walking on surprisingly clean tatami mats, he sees the sun's still high up in the sky from the window he's walking towards. It's summer, and the cicadas make a loud noise outside._

_There's a little wooden, hand-carved penguin standing on top of the TV stand in the living room Rei walks inside. Rei feels like its lifeless eyes are staring right at him, but he tries to ignore it as he proceeds further inside._

_The ringing in his head reaches an almost unbearable volume, but it cuts out when he walks out on the porch. There are cats gathered around little plates of food, their loud chewing almost echoing through the area. He finally realises where he is when he sees the two figures out on the lawn. The grass feels sharp under his feet as he walks out on it._

_One of them's shorter than Rei, the other taller, but not by much. They're holding hands, and the taller one's speaking. Rei can't quite make out what he's saying, but when he walks right up to them, he hears them, loud and clear._

_"I want to leave him, for you. He doesn't matter to me anymore."_

_"Good. He doesn't deserve you."_

_Panic wells up within Rei, and he tries to speak out, but no words want to leave his lips. He stands there, and watches as the figures are now completely revealed to him. They laugh, they look happy. Green, glittering eyes. Dark blue, proud, blissful eyes._

_He reaches out a hand, trying to at least touch them, let them know he's there, but he's being pulled back by some mysterious force that doesn't want to grant him the happiness he's wanted back for several months. Finally, as he's out of their reach, he's able to put his vocal cords to use, and he screams_.

 

"Don't leave me!"

Rei flinches when someone gently shakes him, and he's brought back to consciousness. The lamp on the bedside table opposite of his side is lit, so he squints a little to get used to the lighting conditions. Someone — Makoto — is sitting over him, and when his vision becomes clearer, he sees Makoto having a worried frown on his face.

"Rei? Are you... are you okay?"

He recoils, backs away from Makoto's touch. "Yes. Yes, I'm... fine. Sorry I woke you."

Hesitantly, Makoto brings a hand to Rei's face, and while Rei tries to back away, Makoto won't let him. He brushes away a tear from Rei's cheek with his thumb, and then keeps his hand there. Rei likes the warmth, but also feels uncomfortable with it. Like it'll burn him, much like the sun can do if you're out for too long.

"Rei, I'm... not going anywhere. I'm here, and I want to be with you, no one else. I love you."

He clenches his fists under the duvet, lets out a shaky breath, and then curls up into a foetal position. Doesn't know what to say, so he keeps his mouth shut. He feels like he probably  _should_ say something, but what? 'I love you, too?' Makoto knows that already. He knows Rei's more than willing to stay by his side for as long as he lives, Makoto knows Rei's always going to be there no matter what. There's no need for him to fuel Makoto's ego to the point where Makoto won't need him anymore. Where he'll be able to keep himself afloat with the big ego Rei would give him.

Makoto eventually lies back down, and he turns his back to Rei with a sigh that feels like a dagger right into Rei's chest. He stares at Makoto's back, reaches out a hand to touch it, but eventually retracts it back in under the duvet again.

 

* * *

 

" _Rei-chan! I finally got a hold of you_."

He frowns to himself as he walks across the street. "I literally just left work."

" _Our work hours are so different_ ," Nagisa sighs. " _Another reminder of how much things have changed. So, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Mako-chan called me_."

Of course that's what this would be about. Rei wants to roll his eyes so far back into his head they'd probably risk falling out, but he resists, since Nagisa wouldn't see it if he did. "Okay."

" _He said he wanted to meet up, but our schedules kinda clash. So we just talked on the phone instead, and... I know you don't wanna hear this, but I feel bad for him_."

"You're right," Rei says, "I don't want to hear this. So you feel sorry for him?"

Nagisa sighs. " _That's not it. I'm just stating the facts. He called to apologise, and he did. We talked for quite a bit, and it was... strange. But I appreciated it. Like, he actually called to apologise. To me, and he hasn't really done anything to me._ "

Rei walks up to his apartment building, and he wants so badly to hang up right now. It isn't anything towards Nagisa personally, just this whole Makoto situation they keep beating him over the head with, both him and Gou. He knows they're just trying to help, to be there for him, but it's getting a little bit too much for him to handle, and he feels like he's going to implode soon.

"Okay." He hopes that Nagisa will notice the invisible question mark he adds at the end, and continue without Rei having to tell him to. Gladly, it doesn't take Nagisa long for pick up on the hint.

" _I just wanted to let you know that he called me and that we talked. I don't really wanna keep stuff from you, you know?_ "

He sighs. "I know. I don't know what to do, really. I mean, at least we sleep in the same bed. We're... I want to take things slow. I still can't— I just—"

" _It's okay_ ," Nagisa says, and Rei's glad for the interruption, because he knows he can't quite put it into words.

He stands down by the stairs leading up to their apartment, and leans against one of the wooden pillars, exhaling slowly and closing his eyes. Coming home like this now that Makoto's moved back always makes him nervous, because he's still a little scared of being alone with Makoto after everything. Maybe scared isn't the right term to use, and hesitant would be more fitting, but it's kind of a mixture of both. He knows the silence will be deafening, that whenever Makoto looks at him, it's looks of guilt, and that whenever their eyes meet, they can't look at each other for longer than half a second before one of them breaks eye contact.

It's painful, and it's so frustrating to think that this is what it's all boiled down to after the two years they've spent together.

" _Take all the time you need. But also remember that you chose to take him back. Don't just leave him hanging, Rei-chan._ "

He lets that be the end of their conversation, and the two hang up after short parting phrases. Rei looks up at the door to his apartment, and once again sighs, preparing himself for another evening at home with Makoto. Maybe Makoto's not even at home? Maybe he, too, feels too uncomfortable with the way things still are between them, and has decided to stay out later in order to spend as little time at home as he can? But that would be contradictory to what he said the other day about spending more time at home, and with Rei, so he probably isn't out doing stuff. Which means he's up there, and Rei will come home to an apartment where someone's already inside.

"I'm home," he says after having stood outside the door for even longer, hand on the doorknob, considering turning around and taking the train back to Iwatobi. Now he's made it back home, and for him to run away  _now_ would just be weird, and it'd be yet another step back in the rebuilding of his relationship with Makoto.

"Welcome home," comes Makoto's reply as he walks inside and takes his jacket and shoes off. He stands around for a few seconds, but then walks inside to run his hands under hot water for a few seconds to get the blood circulating again.  _God_ , he hates winter. Rei is more than ready to shed a few layers of clothes, stuff the thicker ones into his wardrobe and not have to even look at them for at least five or six months.

Rei walks inside, and panic instantly attacks him like a punch in the gut. No, he can't be here right now, he has to go somewhere else. Some place where he knows he won't be going nuts by sitting around doing nothing. So, the gym it is.

"I'm just... coming home quickly to get my bag," he stutters. Makoto looks up at him with a curious look on his face, and Rei looks towards the bedroom instead.

"Are you going out?"

"Yeah. To... to the gym. Figured I needed to get a workout every now and then."

Makoto lets out a  _huh_ , but it isn't the suspicious kind, more just matching his facial expression. "I can order in for when you get back?" he suggests. "When do you think you'll come back home?"

Rei lets his shoulders drop a little. "Six, half past, maybe. I'll probably just be an hour. And that... that would be good."

"What do you want? For dinner, that is."

"Just those chicken and omelette onigiri, and miso." He hesitates. "Thanks."

"Sure."

He feels bad when he realises he's hurrying to get out, but doesn't say much other than a quick parting phrase before exiting the apartment. In walking away from the apartment complex, Rei takes a deep breath, and exhales slowly, swinging the strap on his bag over his shoulder. He knows he'd said small steps, but this just feels more like a step backwards than anything else. And it's all because of him. But he wonders if he's really to blame for that, considering everything that's happened. Maybe he's  _partly_ to blame, sure, but that obviously also means he isn't the only one having caused all of this mess.

And by association, it means he has to be one of those to fix it, too.

Rei lets himself get immersed with his workout and the music playing in his ears. Takes his time and doesn't bother looking up at the clock every now and then, because he knows he won't be here for several hours, anyway. Going to the gym to get out when he can't stand being in the apartment is an excuse he's glad he can use. Of course, he isn't going to be out of the house as often as Makoto used to be. He tries not to compare himself to Makoto in that regard, but he finds himself still being bitter about it no matter how he tries to think about things, and no matter how much he tries to listen to Gou and Nagisa. It'll take time, and he hopes Makoto will give him that time.

When he comes back to the apartment after almost two hours, he barely misses the guy who came with their takeout, and upon walking in, Makoto pops his head out from the kitchenette.

"Perfect timing", he says, smiling. "Food just arrived."

 

* * *

 

Dinner goes by rather smoothly, but they probably have the TV to thank for most of that. They do talk about a few things, however, but it's all just mundane small-talk. At least it's something, Rei has to tell himself, who otherwise would cringe at any attempts of small-talk with  _anyone_ , whether it'd be his own or someone else's attempt at it. He knows this is probably necessary for them to warm up to each other again — especially Rei to Makoto — so he endures it. Tries to feel better about doing so, and Makoto actually makes it feel a lot easier to do so after a while.

Even though he knows they do have to talk about things again at some point, for now, this'll do.

Rei goes in to brush his teeth and get ready for bed before Makoto takes a shower, and when they switch, Rei walks into the bedroom to change into his sleepwear before he plugs his little night light in. He almost wants to sleep with socks on considering how cold it is, but sleeping with socks is like committing the eighth deadly sin to him. It feels unsanitary, even if he were to use completely new and clean socks, so he doesn't, and instead just grins and bears the cold that rudely greets him when he dips in under the duvet.

He curls up into a foetal position again, hugging his legs in order to try and warm himself up a little. He wonders to himself why he's giving Makoto such a hard time despite his obvious efforts at making amends. Makoto had talked to Nagisa and Gou, apologised to them when he hadn't really done  _them_ wrong, per se. Both of them had appreciated the gesture even if they didn't know why they were being apologised to in the first place, and maybe Rei should appreciate that, too. Maybe he should just give in, give Makoto that second chance he's yearning for almost desperately. If he didn't want to be with Rei, he obviously wouldn't have been here, and he would've probably still lived at Haruka's place.

Makoto comes inside and slides the door shut with a quiet click. Rei listens to him walk about, probably get into his sleepwear, and then the bed dips under their combined weight as Makoto crawls in under the duvet. Rei exhales slowly, and then tentatively opens his mouth.

"Gou-san called me the other day."

A second that feels more like a minute passes, but Makoto does eventually respond. "Okay."

"And then Nagisa-kun called today. Those two are... very persistent."

"They care about you."

It's a simple statement, but there are so many different meanings hidden within it. He fidgets a bit. "Yeah."

Rei jumps a little when a warm hand is placed on his back, but he doesn't move away. "I really want things to go back to the way it used to be. At least close to; I know we can't go back to  _exactly_  the way it was back then. But I want to be with you, and I hope you'll want to be with me, too."

This time, Rei can't just keep facing away from Makoto, and he turns around, frowning. "I want to be with you, too. I hope I haven't given you the impression that I  _don't_. It's just—"

"—difficult, I know," Makoto says, and he sighs. Rei takes Makoto's hand in his under the duvet, and while Makoto seems surprised by the sudden gesture, he doesn't pull away.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I know you're suffering due to me being difficult, but I'm not doing it on purpose. And I'm trying to get better."

"It's okay, I understand. At least we're... here now. Like this."

Makoto demonstrates by squeezing Rei's hand a little, and then he smiles, his face vaguely illuminated by the blue light coming from the night light next to Rei's side of the bed. Rei breathes out through his nose, and he moves in closer towards Makoto, minimising the distance between them, and hopefully not just physically. He remembers what Gou told him; he's let Makoto back into his life and into the apartment again, and if he's gone that far as to try and restore things between them, he might just as well go the entire way. Sure, it might take time, but he feels like he's already given it enough time, and made both of them suffer enough.

Rei lets their noses brush together, and while he can clearly see just how badly Makoto wants to move forward, he doesn't. He lets Rei take things at his own pace, and Rei's grateful for it. So he closes the distance between them even further, and noses brushing against each other turns into lips touching. Rei feels like his heart might just break out of the confines of the ribcage keeping it in place with how nervous he suddenly is, but Makoto's the exact opposite. Calm, collected, and that in and of itself slowly makes Rei calm down, too. This is the way it's meant to be. It's supposed to be them, together; Makoto by his side, and Rei by Makoto's.

He falls asleep in Makoto's arms that night, and he feels like things may actually return to normal again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A song very fitting to the end of this chapter is Miyano Mamoru's "[Tada, soba ni ite](http://tsukinokakera.tumblr.com/post/129212303302/just-stay-by-me)" (Stay by my side). I linked to it in [Nobody knows](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4559934/chapters/11357482), but this just... _fits_. So I'm doing it again. I'm still emotional about that stupid song. Damn you, Miyano.


	53. Reconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruka visits Rei at the bakery, and he wants to talk.

Neither of them had bothered to set an alarm clock for the next day, since it would be a Saturday, anyway. Rei wakes up first, still very much wrapped in Makoto's arms, and he's warm. Comfortably so, and he almost doesn't want to get out of bed because of it, because he knows the apartment's cold — not to mention if he were to go outside. Which he probably has to, anyway. He cranes his neck a little to look over at the digital alarm clock on his night-stand, which tells him it's just before ten in the morning. He's usually a morning person, getting up way earlier than 'normal' people, even on weekends. But maybe staying in bed a little longer every now and then isn't so bad.

He sighs, relaxes his body, and leans his head against the crook of Makoto's neck. Makoto stirs about, and then he yawns. "Rei?"

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Rei replies, and Makoto flinches.

"Oh. Oh! Have you... been awake for long? Am I keeping you from getting up? And... yeah... good morning."

"It's fine. No, I woke up just before you did. I feel like I should get up, though. If you would let me."

Makoto releases him, and Rei sits up on his side to stretch his upper body before he sets his feet down onto the cold floor. He shivers.

"Cold?"

"Very much so. I'm going for a shower."

"I'm staying in bed for just a little longer, then," Makoto says, and when Rei turns around, Makoto's nuzzled himself further in under the duvet. He shakes his head, but smiles.

Rei takes a little longer in the shower, just to warm himself up and wake up a little more. When he's done, he goes back into the bedroom — where Makoto's  _still_ in bed — changes into a big hoodie and sweatpants, and then trudges out into the kitchen to make them breakfast. He rummages through the fridge and finds that they're running low on groceries, but he at least manages to make them omurice with the little bit of chicken they still have.

He hears Makoto go into the bathroom for a shower when he's still cooking the rice and chicken mix, and when he's set their plates out on the kotatsu table, Makoto finally comes back out to sit down.

"Oh wow,  _this_ is what I call breakfast," he says, and Rei snorts.

"It's just omurice, Makoto."

"I know, but this is leagues better than just rice and miso."

Rei shrugs. "I suppose."

The two sit down to eat, and the air around them just feels a lot lighter than it did yesterday. It's almost scary how fast things changed, and Rei wonders if maybe it went  _too_ fast from them having been very distant to almost back to the way they used to be. He chooses not to dwell on it since he won't get any answers, anyway, and just lets himself enjoy the moment as it is. He's relieved at how much more at ease Makoto is now, too, with how freely he talks about things going on with his university studies, and the friends he's made at Gakudai.

He lets himself open up to Makoto, as well. Talks about his progress at work, how he truly enjoys what he's doing for a living. Though he knows he can't go on like this forever, this is what he wants to do for the time being, and it at least puts food on their table and keeps them both from getting evicted. So he can't complain, really.

Makoto also seems genuinely interested, and Rei wonders if it's partly because of the different kinds of pastries he describes himself having to bake every day. Not that he minds, because he really likes the way Makoto lights up when he talks about things, and how he's actually interested in listening to Rei's banter.

"Has Junko-san said anything more about— about Haru?" Makoto asks, and Rei shrugs before he puts his fork down.

"She just asks if he's okay and such. I obviously don't know, and I tell her that, but... I guess she's just worried. I don't know what it's like to be in her shoes, so I can't judge or anything. But I guess I sort of understand her."

"Yeah," Makoto says slowly.

"Have you talked to him anything?"

Makoto sighs, and he looks down at the little scraps of omelet and rice he still has left on his plate. "No, not since I moved back... home. I don't think he wants to talk to me after everything that happened, after what I did... to him."

Rei knows it's difficult not only for him, but for Makoto, too, to talk about this. Of course Makoto would avoid the subject, since it is what separated them in the first place. And while Rei doesn't  _want_ to talk about this, he knows they have to. If they want to move on together, they have to talk about  _every_ issue lingering between them. And so he has to be the one to push this further, or it'll just dissipate into the already pretty heavy air between them, blending in with everything else they need to clear out.

"Maybe you just need some time apart then," Rei replies. "I'm sure he doesn't outright  _hate_ you, that isn't like Haruka at all."

"Oh," Makoto interjects as if he just remembered something. "I meant to ask earlier. Why 'Haruka'?"

Rei shakes his head. "We met a few months ago. A while after... well, our fight. I wanted to ask him if he knew where you were, and we talked for a bit. He told me to drop the honorific since we aren't in high school anymore. So I did, since I think he seems uncomfortable with it."

"Ah. Well, Haru  _did_  always think that system was useless, especially when it came to friends. I think he was conflicted, though, because he knew how much you respected him to the point of  _not_ wanting to drop it, but he also just didn't like the concept in general. Okay, so now I know. I think it's... I don't know, for the lack of a better term, nice? It's just nice to see you get along so well."

Rei doesn't really know if they _are_ getting along well, considering the fact that he'd argued with Haruka the last few times he saw him, and while at least one of the situations had ended peacefully, the other had ended up a very,  _very_ ugly fight in which Rei had left all of his inhibitions at home to let his anger and sadness out on the one person who hadn't really done anything by his own hand to make this happen.

 

* * *

 

It's rare for Rei to stand out in the shop and take care of the register, but Tuesday, he gets to take on that task during the afternoon before his shift ends. He doesn't mind it, because it gives him a little change of 'scenery' — if that's what you could call it — and he gets to interact with more people than just Junko and Yuuichirou. Far,  _far_ more people than that, but he really doesn't mind it. In fact, he quite likes it, and while he doesn't know if he'll get to stand out here more often from now on, but he most certainly wouldn't be opposed.

With only ten minutes left to go on Rei's shift, the bell rings above the door as it always does when a new customer comes in. And when Rei turns to greet them, he's surprised to see who walks up to the counter.

"Haruka?"

Haruka nods in acknowledgement, and clears his throat. "Sorry, I know I haven't been in touch. Things have been—"

"—odd. I know, and it's okay."

He waits for Haruka to tell him why he's there without Rei having to ask himself, because he feels like that might be rude. Like he isn't supposed to be there in the first place. And sure, he probably hasn't been there in a long time considering the state of his family relationships, but he still has as much right to step in through that door as anyone else. Especially since Junko had told Rei that she'd actually like to be in contact with her nephew again.

"You finish at three, right?"

"I— I do," Rei replies, a little uncertain about what this means. Haruka nods again.

"I'd... like to talk to you. When you clock out, that is. Do you have to hurry back home?"

Rei shakes his head. "I don't. And of course, I'd like to talk to you, too. Would you like to wait inside while I—"

"Haruka? Is that you?!"

Haruka flinches in front of Rei, and then he frowns. Rei doesn't even have to turn around, because seconds later, Junko walks out behind him and out in front of the counter to greet her nephew. Haruka, however, shakes her off, still frowning, and he averts his gaze.

"I'm not here for you," he mutters, and Rei sees Junko's expression turn somber. She laughs a little.

"Ah, right. Yes, of course; I guess... that was to be expected. I'll leave you two to it, then."

Haruka regards his aunt with an indifferent expression as she disappears back into the bakery, and Rei fidgets. Haruka, of course, is quick to notice.

"Sorry about that. I'll just sit and wait until you clock out, don't mind me."

While he  _is_ curious about this sudden turn of events, Rei decides to contain his curiosity until the two leave the bakery, and he's off for the day. Mostly because that means they'd be away from Junko, whom he almost feels nervous about facing right now considering what just happened in front of him.

But he goes back to work, and Haruka sits by one of the corner tables, idly scrolling through something on his phone, sometimes looking out the window. Rei tries his best to focus on actually taking care of the last few customers before his shift ends, but his mind keeps going back to whatever it is Haruka could want to talk to him about.

No, it isn't that he doesn't know what topic is going to be on the agenda, it's more that he doesn't know exactly  _what_ Haruka's going to say. Is he still angry? Is he looking to apologise for something he had no control over? Maybe he wants to argue again? Rei has no idea, and while he's curious, he's also a little hesitant and maybe even scared.

"Thank you for today," he says hurriedly as he puts his apron back onto the hanger in their little changing room at the back. Junko laughs at him.

"You're rarely ever in a hurry. But I guess I know why you are today. See you tomorrow, Rei, and good work today."

"Likewise. Yes, see you tomorrow, Junko-san."

He says goodbye to Yuuichirou, too, and then walks out into the shop again. Haruka makes eye contact with him, and gets up from his chair so that the two can exit the pastry shop. They walk out onto the streets of Kokubunji, and Rei shoves his hands into the pockets of his coat as they walk to wherever Haruka's headed, which Rei doesn't feel the need to ask.

But when they end up at the train station, Rei can't just  _not_ say anything.

"Er, Haruka? Where are we going?"

Haruka looks at him like he just realised Rei is still with him, and then he looks up at the electronic board over their heads. "Crown bakery. We've been there before. Is that okay?"

Rei bites back a laugh at the very belated question he's asked, but he doesn't really mind it. He hasn't been to Musashikoganei since he went there with Haruka a month earlier, and he actually liked the area. So it'll be nice to come back, and while they're going to be discussing the same subject, the air between them and the circumstances in general have changed quite a bit.

 

* * *

 

It's only a station and two minutes away, and when they arrive, Rei and Haruka are shoved into a crowd of people getting off the train and trying to navigate through the station. Maybe it's a given since it's just about rush hour, and people are getting off work to go home. It's typical Tokyo, Rei has realised in the time he's lived there, and he feels like he's at least somewhat gotten used to the hustle and bustle of the capital.

The two order their hot drinks, and go sit down by the same table they'd sat at the last time they came here, funnily enough. Rei was just following Haruka since he ordered first, but he doesn't really think this is deliberate. There aren't too many others in the coffee shop right now, so there are a few other vacant tables. This one is at least by a window, and also pretty close to the exit, so maybe that's why.

"Sorry if this came too sudden," Haruka begins. "I just... want to apologise."

Rei's eyebrows sky-rocket in surprise. "For what?"

"For not doing anything about what happened. Letting it go as far as it did. I really... should've done something about it as soon as I started noticing things weren't the way they should've been. Not just for the sake of my friendship with him, but for...  _our_ friendship, too, and your relationship with Makoto."

Leaning back in his chair, Rei sighs, and shakes his head. "Please don't blame yourself for what happened, Haruka. You had no control over it, it just... happened."

Haruka frowns, and looks out the window. "I  _did_ have control, that's the thing, Rei. Or I could have, had I taken it. I could've talked to him earlier, for starters. I could've had him stop coming by so often, because it  _did_ annoy me. There are many things I could've done that I didn't. And that's why I'm apologising to you."

Rei doesn't really feel like there's much point to this  _now_ , after he's already taken Makoto back, and the two are still working on finding their way back to each other again after these months of separation. Not that he doesn't appreciate it, of course he does. This is all very unexpected, and he would never in a million years have been able to imagine that Haruka would come to him to apologise, let alone just talk about this in a calm and collected manner now that the storm has passed. They did talk while the storm was still very much raging on, but this is so much different, both the situation, and their relationship. 

"You know," Rei says, a little hesitantly while looking down into his half-empty cup, "I think... you should talk to Makoto, too."

Haruka sighs, and when Rei looks up, he's shaking his head. "I can't. It's still a little too early, and I think we both still need time apart. Things got too intense at the end there, and I feel like we both still need to process things. Besides, you two still have things to work on, right?"

"I— yeah. Yes, we do," he admits. "But you two  _will_ reconcile in time, right? I'd feel bad if the two of you were to stop being friends for something like this, seeing as you've been best friends since early childhood."

"If it happens, it happens. I'm not saying I'd be happy about it, but we can't really force things, either."

Rei feels like that could be directed towards himself and Makoto, as well. Maybe they  _are_ forcing things, he doesn't know. All he knows is that it feels right, at least right now, and if it ends up coming back to bite him, then he's to blame for it. If he doesn't take any risks, he won't find out if it was all worth it.

He wants so badly to ask Haruka if he's going to talk to his aunt anything at all, considering the chilly meeting they had back at the pastry shop. He knows it's _definitely_ not his business, and that he's got no right to ask, but he'd just feel bad for letting a potentially good relationship between the two disappear into the sand because of their past, and because of Haruka's relationship with his parents.

Rei sort of knows what it's like to have a strained relationship with one's parents, since he's been there himself. But he also knows that their situations are still vastly different, so that's why he ultimately decides on not saying anything.

The two part at the train station as they are going in different directions. Before they go back home, Rei tells Haruka how much he appreciated the talk they had. Haruka, the man of few words as he is, just nods in response with a little smile, and they go their separate ways. Rei feels a lot lighter now, having talked to Haruka, and wonders to himself why he'd been so worried from the beginning.

The knowledge that things are still stiff between Makoto and Haruka forms a little knot in the pit of his stomach, but he chooses to believe that they'll figure it out someday. One day, when they've both had time to themselves, and let things pass.

Rei and Makoto cook together tonight again, and their conversation flows better this time around. Rei doesn't mention his meeting with Haruka since that wouldn't really help in any way, and probably just cause trouble. Makoto enthusiastically talks about the modules he's taking this year, about his friends, about how he'd talked to his family on Skype and how they said they missed Rei, too.

He feels bad for not having been in contact with them since before his falling out with Makoto, and suggests to Makoto that they should visit the Tachibanas one weekend when Makoto isn't swamped with studies. Makoto, of course, agrees to the idea.

 

* * *

 

Rei is the one to take the initiative, to take the step forward. And while Makoto's surprised, he doesn't object, and just follows along. Waits for Rei to make the next move, and then he follows right along with it. It's very much like a dance, where Rei has taken the lead, and Makoto goes along with it without stepping out of line.

He begins with light kisses that Makoto's eager to reciprocate, to completely melt into. He enjoys the feeling of Makoto's fingers running through his hair, loves the sigh that leaves Makoto between their kisses, a sigh that sounds like utter relief. Relief that this is where they are now, that they didn't end things with Makoto storming out of their apartment months prior.

The general feeling of Makoto, his warm skin beneath Rei's fingers, their lips crashing against each other in sloppy kisses, their bodies pressing together when Makoto thrusts all the way inside — it's a feeling Rei loves getting acquainted with once again. Getting to explore the map that is Makoto's body, memorising things all over... Rei doesn't want this to end. He wants the night to go on forever, so that they can stay in this exact moment for as long as they want. Where nothing can disturb the peace they've returned to, nothing can come between them.

"Rei... Rei, I love you," Makoto breathes above him. Leans down for the umpteenth kiss that night, and Rei happily reciprocates. His fingers find their way into Makoto's hair, and he lets them stay there. Keeps Makoto in place, doesn't let go. Makoto doesn't let go of him, either, and stays where he is. With Rei, where he's supposed to be.

Rei reaches up his other hand to caress Makoto's cheek, and he smiles. The raw emotion displayed in Makoto's eyes, in his movements, his voice, is almost overwhelming, and Rei finds himself once again wondering why on earth he had Makoto go through hell to prove himself to Rei, to prove that this is where he should be, deserves to be. If they'd decided on walking this road together, why stop halfway there and go all the way back? Why not just continue going and see where it leads?

Afterwards, they both lie side by side on their backs, trying to regain their regular breathing rhythms. The silence isn't awkward; it's nice, and it's comforting. Rei wants to lie like this for hours on end, but he knows he can't. Both of them have to get up early the next day to go to work. So with great difficulty, Rei sits up in bed, and stretches his upper body with a slight groan.

He hears the rustling of their duvet, and suddenly there's a warm chest pressed up against his back, two strong arms embracing him after Makoto's wrapped both of them in the duvet. Rei smiles, even though he knows Makoto can't see it.

"I have to shower," he says, and Makoto nuzzles his nose into Rei's shoulder.

"I know. Just a little longer."

Rei sighs, and shakes his head, still smiling. "Fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to link to [this](http://iskabee.tumblr.com/post/129100885980/whos-old-its-popnographic) fanart by the amazing [iskabee](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ishka) for _ages_ , but never found the right chapter to post it in. It was drawn for me for my birthday (still cannot believe) which was in mid-September, but I figured this is a better time to post it than during the despair era of this fic. So! There it is. Too goddamn cute.
> 
> Next chapter is the end. I can't believe it's almost here, the end to a story that's been going on for over a year. Still feels very weird. But, things can't go on forever (I can't imagine what I'd even DO with this story if it went on any longer), and so it has to come to an end. Soon.


	54. 七転び八起 [nana-korobi ya-oki]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rebuilding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday, Makoto. ❤

Rei sighs upon walking inside the apartment, and Makoto beelines to the kotatsu where he flops down and will probably stay for a bit. They're both tired, but it's probably understandable given the fact that they've just come back home from Iwatobi. Rei and Makoto took the weekend to go back home, to see their families. Rei's parents had been surprisingly welcoming to the both of them, and it was nice to see the way they'd interacted with Makoto, considering the way things had gone the last time they saw him.

They had also, obviously, visited the Tachibanas, the twins as always very excited to see them. Though it was only over the weekend, they still had plenty of time to catch up, to talk about a lot of things, and just hang out. Being surrounded by family again feels great; it gives him a different kind of comfort than what he's found in Makoto again, than what his friends can offer him.

It's a different kind of warmth, but even if he were to try and compare them, he wouldn't be able to say which one's better, which one he prefers over the other, because they're both necessities to keep him afloat. His friends and family that he's formed over the years are the pillars of the foundation that is his life, that support him along the way, and that he can lean on whenever he needs to take a rest or just need someone to be there for him.

The two of them returned to their apartment in Kokubunji feeling refreshed, like they've gotten a push in the right direction. This was a much needed trip, and they promise to try and do them more often than just every few months. It's been so long since they went back home to see their families that none of their family members know what's been going on since their last visit. They don't feel the need to tell them, either, because it's all in the past, they managed to get back to where they belong, and what happened only serves as a reminder to themselves, that even if they stumble and fall, they can still get back up again.

After his shower that night, Rei returns to the bedroom. Makoto's already in bed, and he's reading in one of his textbooks, probably revising for an upcoming test. His reading glasses are a little askew, and Rei can't help but smile at how cute his boyfriend looks like that. When Makoto notices Rei coming in, he puts his book down, smiles, and pats on the vacant spot next to him.

"Oh, I was thinking I'd sleep on the floor," Rei replies, and Makoto rolls his eyes, still smiling.

"Very funny."

He climbs into bed, and Makoto pulls him close, resting Rei's head in the crook of his neck.

"Test coming up?" Rei asks, and Makoto shrugs.

"Yeah... sort of. In a week and a half, but I want to be well-prepared."

"Well, that's a good thing, and I'm sure you'll do well. Are you going to stay up a bit?"

"I think so, but not too long. Is it okay?"

Rei shakes his head. "Yes, it's fine. I need to sleep, though. Early start tomorrow. You can keep the light on."

Makoto kisses him on the top of his head, and Rei nuzzles his head up against Makoto before closing his eyes, exhaling slowly. A long weekend comes to its end, but Rei is strangely enough looking forward to the week he has ahead of him. The weather's slowly but surely getting warmer, and the snow is almost gone. Soon they'll be greeted by spring, Makoto will get a break from his studies, and maybe they can plan a trip or something. Just to further tighten the bond they've started to mend with each other.

 

" _Now you’re the wind, that's sending out God's silent breath_  
_It won’t stop anymore, as long as your back is pushed to the limit_  
_Together, we're wrapped in the Milky Way_ "

 

Rei smiles to himself, doesn't move from his spot. He knows Makoto has no idea he's still up, and he doesn't want Makoto to stop singing. It's the same song he'd been singing in the shower all those months ago, and it brings back good memories. Memories Rei wants to recreate, to be able to revisit with a smile upon his lips.

 

* * *

 

"Pretty please, can't you at least give me  _something_ for free? Anything? Best friend discount, isn't that a thing?"

Rei snorts, and crosses his arms. "No, and _definitely_ not."

"Aw, come on!"

"Nagisa-kun, he said no."

Sighing internally, Rei thanks Gou with a grateful look, and Gou nods, understanding him. He returns to the cash register and takes care of the two people standing in line, and then returns to his friends.

"Hey, Rei-chan, when do you get off work?"

"I've already told you," Rei replies. "At three. Stop being so impatient, or I'll have to ask you to leave."

"Just kick him out, Rei," Haruka says, and Rei is  _so_ tempted. He'd probably not even get in trouble for doing it — why would he? It's better to kick people out before they start throwing tantrums rather than  _after_ they've already begun.

"I'll gladly help," Junko says behind Rei as she comes out into the shop. He turns around to face her, and she grins.

"Even you, Jun-chan? I'm offended."

Junko glares in Nagisa's direction and mirrors Rei in crossing her arms. "Even me, yes. And stop calling me that!"

She retreats back into the bakery, and Rei does  _not_ miss Nagisa sticking out his tongue at her when she's turned around.

It's been a pretty slow and peaceful day at A la Campagne, but Rei can't complain. Nagisa and Haruka certainly had good timing with their visit, since he otherwise wouldn't have been able to talk to them this much. Yuuichirou's in charge of the bakery alongside Junko today, so Rei's out in the shop, selling bread and other pastries to customers, whilst also taking the occasional phone order.

Today, he's only had to answer the phone twice, one being a misdirected call by someone who intended to call a hairdressing salon in Ueno. Meaning, the complete opposite side of Tokyo, not to mention the vastly different businesses. It had been hard to stifle a laugh, but Rei still managed to finish the call before he let some of it slip out.

All four of them are going to meet Makoto after Rei's done working, and then they're heading to Haruka's place in Higashikoganei to hang out and also have dinner, courtesy of Haruka. Makoto had made him promise that they wouldn't have mackerel tonight, but even if they _would_ , Rei wouldn't mind it. After dinner, they're going to be watching Rin compete in the Olympic trials in order to reach the 'real' Olympics, as Nagisa had put it.

"Isn't it just  _typical_ how this race falls on Rin-chan's birthday, of all days? I feel bad for him."

Haruka shrugs, and takes a sip from his iced tea. "It's just another birthday. There comes a time in one's life when it isn't as fun to celebrate your birthday anymore, and he might've reached that stage by now. I sure have."

Nagisa gasps in mock-offence. "But  _birthday_ _presents_. People kissing your a—"

"Nagisa-kun."

"— _behind_ , and just being overly nice. It's just for a day, too, what's there to complain about?"

"The fact that it reminds you of how you've gotten older?" Rei suggests, and Haruka blows a raspberry, looking pleased with the suggestion.

Rei gets off work at three, and they say goodbye to Junko and Yuuichirou before exiting the pastry shop. Rei is more than pleased to see how things have changed between Haruka and his aunt, and he wonders if it's thanks to what he said to Haruka when they'd had that talk not too long ago, or if it's because of something else. Maybe it's conceited of him to think that he had anything to do with it, he isn't sure.

Nagisa jumps Makoto as soon as he walks outside of the campus area to meet them, and he nearly stumbles because of the sudden impact. They at least make it safely to the train station, and take the short ride to Haruka's station. This time when they're walking over to Haruka's apartment, Gou is the only one who has yet to see it for the first time, but at least she's better at containing her curiosity than Nagisa had been.

Whilst Haruka's in the kitchen, the other four sit in his living room, talking with the TV on in the background. Nagisa wanted to have it on 'so they wouldn't miss Rin's race', and no one else really felt like arguing it.

"I can't believe he's already twenty-one. And the fact that he might get into the Olympics at that age."

"You must be proud, huh, Gou-chan?" Nagisa teases, and she makes a face at him, before she laughs.

"I guess so, yeah. It's... pretty cool to have seen the journey he's made to get so far."

"They grow up so fast," Nagisa says, pretending to sob, and Makoto laughs.

"You're only a year younger than us, Nagisa."

 

* * *

 

Haruka returns to the living room with a tray consisting of mugs and a tea pot, and then the five of them continue talking about all sorts of things; their jobs, studies, travelling down nostalgia lane and revisiting old Iwatobi High memories. It's strange to think how much things have changed for them individually, but things are still pretty much the same between them as friends, as old team mates.

"— _and competing for Australia, we have the Japanese swimmer Matsuoka Rin_ ," a voice announces on TV, and all of them turn their attention to it now that things are finally starting to happen. When the camera shows a close-up of Rin, both Nagisa and Gou scream loudly in excitement. He looks determined, focused, calm. Rei remembers the first time he officially met Rin, outside of Samezuka Academy when he wanted to ask Rin all those questions, to understand Rin better, to understand  _all_ of them better. Now, when Rin is well on his way to the Olympics, and to become a professional swimmer, Rei understands.

The swimmers get up on the start blocks. The arena goes so quiet you could almost hear a strand of hair fall to the floor if you were there, in person. Oh, what Rei would have done, to be there, to see it in front of him without having to see it on a TV screen. Maybe one day he'll be able to see his friend compete in big tournaments, and he'll be there in person.

When the whistle goes off, the arena explodes in cheers, and the swimmers dive into the pool. Rin's front crawl is as fast as ever, and he quickly makes it up to top three. Despite the cap he has on his head, he's very distinguishable from the other swimmers, thus making it easy for the others to keep track of him as he swims.

"Come on, onii-chan!" Gou cheers at the screen enthusiastically, practically bouncing up and down in her seat. Everyone's eyes are pretty much glued on the TV, no one barely speaks a word as they're anxiously and excitedly watching Rin swim,  _hoping_ , that he'll finally get to experience that dream he's been chasing for so long. A future that's been right there in front of him this entire time, but still barely out of reach.

Rei doesn't know what his future holds, what he'll be doing in a year or two. But he finds himself being okay with that, because that only means he can find whatever it is he'd want to do in that time. He still has time, to figure out whether he wants to stay at A la Campagne, if he wants to pick up his studies and aim higher, or if maybe he'd try and go find another job. There are many things he has yet to think about — but right now, where he is, is where he wants to be. Where he belongs.

Rin makes his last turn, and Makoto unconsciously grabs Rei's hand next to him on the couch. Rei returns the grip, squeezing back, not letting go. Gou and Nagisa lean further towards the TV, almost to the point where they'd fall off the couch. The commentators are speaking rapidly, about each swimmer's position, about who might win this race, about who might make it to the Olympics. The swimmer with the red streaks along his black swim trunks is still going strong, still very much intent on taking first place.

And he does. And he secures his future, with a slap against the tile, with a raise of his fist in victory. The living room erupts in loud cheers. Everyone hugs; Nagisa and Gou are crying, Rei feels tears close to falling for himself, and Makoto and Haruka are laughing together in both relief and excitement for their best friend.

Rin's future is finally,  _finally_ set in stone. And while that doesn't have to be the case for the others, for now, they'll be okay. Things will get better, and even if they stumble and fall along the way, all they'll have to do is get up and try again.

 

 _end_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is a Japanese saying that means "fall seven times, get up the eighth". When life knocks you down, get up and try again.
> 
> Second note: Makoto sang the second verse to [this song](http://nagisering.co.vu/post/66065865702), the first verse sung in [this chapter](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2426096/chapters/7985175). Yeah, I'm not giving up on that song, still. The lyrics... _man_.
> 
> So! That's it. The end. Finale. It has taken me over a year (a little over two if you count the time this wasn't even published to AO3), but I have finally made it to my destination. Phew.
> 
> I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who stuck with me through this thing, to those who came along even just a few months ago, to those who even just decided to read parts of it... to **everyone** who read this fic. Thank you. A fic that was only supposed to be about 10-15 chapters long spanning over just a part of Rei's first year of high school, ended up with him _graduating_ , moving away from his home town, and even getting himself a job. Basically, I don't know when to stop. Except for now. This is an exception, this is the end.
> 
> ありがとうございました。❤


End file.
